(No one's point of view in the train)
Happy and Carson quietly sat observing Lucy since she was sitting across from them looking out the window on the train. The three appeared to be calm and collected, but every so often Lucy would unconsciously twitch and her shield would fade in and out. She had honestly appeared to be trying to relax with the two's company on the ride to the start of this mission, but she couldn't get past the idea of disappointing them.
Happy finally spoke to Lucy to get her attention. "Lucy would you mind if I sat on your lap. You're very warm and soft." Lucy never had a chance to reject his offer with the look on his face. He was always just to cute with his little back pack.
"Of course Happy. I'll try to be careful while you get some sleep. Ok? You should try to sleep to Carson. I promise I won't intentionally hurt you in anyway." Lucy says a little scared.
"It's ok Lucy. No worries. We don't have much longer on the train anyways. I am excited for getting the opportunity to work with you." Carson says eagerly trying to start a conversation with the now socially awkward Lucy.
"Um ok. I just wanted to offer." Lucy looks away back out the window with a nervous expression.
"Lucy you can relax with us. We aren't going to hurt you. We're your company!" Happy tries to encourage her to calm down. Her shoulders shift a little and she starts to gently pat Happy's head and he sighs contently. "Lucy could I ask you a couple things?" Happy then asks slowly.
"Um I'll try to answer you the best I can Happy, but I won't guarantee much." Lucy says nervously. She knew they wanted to ask questions and get answers. She just doesn't know how anymore. She loves to go to the guild and laugh and joke with everyone, but that's as far as she interacted with people anymore. Her life was training day in and day out. This way she wasn't capable of disappointing anyone. There weren't any expectations of her and she could always keep up with her own pace now. She depended on the guild to be her home to come home to. Her support, but she made sure she could always take care of herself and stayed alone. She didn't know how to talk to people outside the guild anymore. She didn't know how to interact with people on missions. That's why she stayed solo. How was she going to get this through to them? How could she get them to understand, that her being solo protected them from the disappointment she would cause them?
Just like when she agreed to leave her first team. She couldn't keep up with them because she wasn't focused. They were going a different route then her and she was falling behind because of all the distractions she put herself into. Boys, families, clothes, shopping, people…. All unnecessary distractions outside of the guild. I never gave up writing my novel, or letters, and my occasional walks with Plue, but I agreed with what they said. I needed to train to catch up and I still had a long ways to go.
She hadn't realized Happy wasn't sitting on her lap anymore but across to the next booth with Carson staring at her sadly. Happy saw the mixture of emotions cross her face and reacted quickly before the pulse happened. She had gone into her own personal little world. Now he understood why she would rent out an entire cart to herself. Carson was equally baffled and sad at what he was seeing from Lucy. She wasn't aware that her magic turned its self defense mechanism on the moment she started dazing off thinking. She must have been thinking about something painful. She's extremely self conscious.
"I'm sorry you guys. I… I didn't mean to I promise." Lucy whispered guiltly while looking down. "I'll focus harder, I'll try harder, I just I… can't do this." Lucy brings her hands to her face and holds her head leaning forward with her yes closed.
In a flash Loki appeared in front of the distressed mage.
"Shhhh. It's ok Lucy. No one is blaming you for anything. You're doing great. Just stay calm ok? I'm here right? No harm no foul. You should probably try to rest though." Loki says calmly while sitting next to Lucy and rubbing his thumb on her hand that he slowly removed from her head in small circles.
"I can't Loki. I have to answer their questions and speak with them. Master said I needed to work on this and come back to the family. I have to work hard so I don't disappoint him and everyone else. But look at what I've done. I've scared them from only thinking about how I should answer some of the questions they would ask." Lucy pauses for a moment and looks at them to only look back down and ask, "I really am disappointing aren't I Loki."
All three of them look at her astonished. She has stepped so far back socially that she doesn't know how to interact with people anymore. She only cares for others and wants to make them happy. However unconsciously she has forced herself into hiding any other possible emotions by blaming herself for anything and everything. This definitely wasn't the same girl that walks into the guild both Happy and Carson thought.
Loki sighs at hearing this and clearing his baffled expression from his face. He's explained to her numerous times before that she needed to accept that being alone wasn't the right answer. "Lucy you aren't disappointing everyone. You have to start somewhere if you want to improve. Remember when you started training with me and the spirits. You were scared and you messed up lots, but you kept going with that beautiful smile on your face. You never gave up. I understand that your old team and you agreed that you couldn't keep up with them at the time, but that didn't mean you needed to close yourself off from everyone. Try and remember some of the experiences you had while you were with them. How did you interact with them?" Loki proceeded with his conversation while observing her companions actions to her behavior.
"Loki you know what happens when I start analyzing my behavior from before while I was in the team. I wouldn't be able to afford the payments on the train." Lucy states trying to change the topic.
"Lucy… teleport us NOW!" Loki snaps angrily.
Lucy looks at him silently agitated, with the direction this is going. She did not want her companions seeing this side of her. She had two options. Teleport them, or destroy the train. With a light glow surrounding her companions and herself, they immediately found themselves in an open forest next to a waterfall and a small cave.
Carson and Happy were dumbfounded at what was going on. Happy more so then Carson. Happy observed everything about Lucy. She was no longer the easy going, carefree, bubbly blond girl that he used to tease. He never wanted Lucy out of the team. He always wanted to stay by her side with Natsu and he honestly thought that was how it was going to stay, but Natsu wouldn't see reason at the time. Here and now he was observing a girl he would have never believed he had known before. She was kind and sweet and beautiful, but she was scared out of her mind to disappoint people or see people unhappy with her. He could tell she wanted to be able to talk to them, but she just didn't know what or how to say anything.
"Lucy sit down over on that boulder. We'll have plenty of time to get to your mission, but this needs to take place now, so you can talk to them without hurting anyone around you for the rest of the day." Loki instructed.
Lucy walked over to the boulder and sat down Indian style and closed her eyes. She closed her hands tightly since she already knew what Loki was going to have her do. Loki then instructed Carson and Happy to distance themselves from the area around Lucy. They didn't need to be caught up with her memories. They would see plenty that she didn't already want them to see or know.
"Now Lucy focus. Project out your thoughts into images. This will affectively drain some of your unstable magic force so that you can talk without unconsciously hurting anyone from your defensive bursts that pulse when thinking of things that you believe to be protecting yourself from." Loki calmly states.
Quietly Lucy sniffle's a little and has a tear slide down her cheek, but none the less does as she's told. Immediately a surge of energy bursts from her displaying multiple images in the air. All the disappointing side glances they thought that she didn't see. All of the times she's looked over or tried to talk to someone but was effectively turned away for one reason or another. Everything that transpired the day she agreed to leave the team. Master's look of disappointment at how she looked earlier that day and her behavior. How her spirits are always trying to comfort her. The look everyone gave her of pity when she would first arrive back from solo missions after leaving the team. This went on for a good twenty minutes, before Loki called her to stop.
"Lucy open your eyes. Look at these pictures and then release them." Loki says again with watery eyes this time. He never likes doing this with her, but if people are going to try and get close to her, they need to see what they are dealing with.
"Please Loki. Don't make me open my eyes." She whispers.
"You must. You need to remember all of this so that you can understand that this isn't bad. This is simply memories to move on from. You can do it Lucy. Happy is here with you. I know Carson doesn't look like it (Loki winks at him) but I'm sure he wouldn't have volunteered to come with you on this mission if he didn't want to be around you.
Happy floats over by Loki and says, "I'm right here Lucy. I never wanted things to happen the way they did and you know that. I'm here now though ok? You can do it. So please open your eyes." Trying to be as encouraging as ever he places his confidence in her.
Another burst and with her invisible shield firmly in place surrounding her she slowly opens her eyes. "no" she whispers. "No." she says a little louder. She's starting to get angry at herself now. She sees the images and how everything was all her fault. "NO!" She stands up and slams her fist into the ground shattering the boulder she is sitting on. Loki and Happy jump back quickly to avoid the wrath of the now very emotional blond celestial mage. Magic is flowing freely as she looks up at all the images her mind conjured. All of the disappointments she had affectively created. Proof of what a selfish person she truly thought she was.
"How could I be so selfish?! They are my family! I love them! All of them!" One last image immediately jumps forward that surprised them all. Especially Lucy as she staggers back. The entire team Natsu including Happy staring at Lucy. Natsu had a gentle arm placed around Lisanna's waist. Erza had one sword resting tip down with both hands on the handle in front of her. And Gray without his shirt with his hands in his pockets. All were looking at Lucy from the side with a look of pitty as she returned from one of her first missions solo. That was the day that broke everything down to her. She didn't want to see this though. They thought she hadn't seen this. She wouldn't accept this. She looked over at Carson frustrated with the look on his face. Immediately she teleported Carson back to the guild away from her. He would not see any more of this sob story of Lucy Heartfilia. She wouldn't allow her pride to be smashed into pieces like this. She loved her family and she worked hard. She made people happy dam it. Slowly she turned to Happy and Loki. She carefully turned her glare onto Loki who's eyes widened slightly as he started to glow as well.
"You will speak nothing of this to any of the spirits. Do you understand Loki? You all are my family and I want you all happy and healthy. I understand that you are contracted with me and you are worried for me, but I told everyone it was best for me to be alone. No one wanted to accept it, but they have to. I love you all Loki. Especially you so forget that, ok?" Lucy states dangerously directly to the leader of the zodiacs with no room for argument.
"I understand Lucy, but we aren't finished..." Lucy interrupts, "Yes we are! You know I have to take small steps, but this was too much! You saw the images. You know my mental capacity to understand and handle my feelings have changed. I'm not capable of handling people. End of story. Everything was fine the way its been! I've moved past the pity party that was thrown at me every day. WHY DID THEY HAVE TO ASK TO COME ON THIS MISSION! I don't want guilt or pitty or disappointment. I want them to be happy! If I have to leave the guild so they can be happy then so be it! I'll do anything for them. All I ask in return is to go on solo missions. Is that so hard?" Lucy continues on angrily to Loki while slowly closing his gate. Loki is now starting to fade back to the spirit realm.
"Lucy we all love you no matter what. Please call me out again soon, but don't do anything rash. Calm down a little before making any decisions. Ok?" Loki says quietly. He knows this is hard for her and understands what she's going to do now. She only does this when she doesn't want to hurt her spirits. It may look painful, but it puts them out of harm's way. With that she nods to him as if in understanding and she closes his gate completely. She breaths in and out for a moment and turns toward Happy with a hopeful expression on her face to explain further about her behavior.
"I'm sorry Happy you had to see all that, but please allow me to explain. Please don't be scared of me either. I can't handle you giving me those looks as well. Not anymore." Lucy pleads with him while bowing slightly.
"I didn't hurt Loki. It may have looked painful, but I pushed him back into the spirit realm and kept his projection here so that I couldn't harm him. If I lose control of my magic with them near it directly affects them and becomes to painful. Loki is the only spirit besides the Spirit King capable of withstanding my magical presence with my emotional outbursts unstable like that." Lucy tries to stay calm, but starts to get nervous at the look on Happy's face.
Happy is crying silently while looking at Lucy. He's clearly trying not to run away from the blond out of being scared, as well as trying to comprehend his feelings of guilt, or pity towards her. However, she told him not to. He needs to stay strong for Lucy. He needs to stay by her side this time. She always maintained her bond and trust with her team even if they were apart all of this time, so he would be like her and believe in that bond and trust her. Like Loki said, he needs to understand more about Lucy now if he wants to be by her side. If this is what needs to happen, then so be it. "It's ok Lucy. How do you want to proceed though? I won't be leaving your side regardless of what you may do. Understand that. Yes you scared me a little, but it's nothing I can't handle. I trust you." Happy says confidently and softly to the blond.
"Thank you so much Happy, but I believe it is still best for me to complete this particular mission on my own today. I think smaller steps are necessary for me to interact with people outside of the guild. Maybe you could come to training with me in the mornings or evenings. We can make a different plan until I'm a little more stable or something. Once I am stable enough we could try to do a small mission together. Ok?" Lucy says desperately to Happy praying that he'll go along with this idea.
"That sounds great Lucy. Is it ok if I tell master our plan and Natsu, and before you say it I know you don't want to be around people, but If someone is going to be around you they need to be sturdy and you need to trust them. He may not be S Class, but he's still pretty strong and he needs training as well for the exams coming up. I know you still trust him in the guild so I think he would be the best option with his type of personality." Happy says softly.
"I'll think about allowing someone to join my training sessions but for now…. You can tell them, but he is not to attend. I'm not capable of handling it. Happy… I just don't understand things like I used to." Lucy sniffles a little while looking down at Happy. "For now just me and you ok Happy?"
"Ok Lucy. It's a deal. Just know that Natsu would never do anything to hurt you. He loves you Lucy." Happy nods and continues with a grin on his face.
"I know Happy. None of my family would ever hurt me and I've always cared and accepted Natsu for everything he is." Lucy smiles gently while teleporting him back. With a quick flash he disappears in a light back to their beloved guild.
"You know Lucy we're all proud of everything you've accomplished right?" Loki says from behind her.
Lucy turns around to see all her spirits standing in front of her with kind smiles on their faces. Lucy in turn slowly kneels down and bows to all her spirits and then lifts her head. "Thank you my family. So much for everything, and I'm truly so sorry for any pain I have caused you. I really am trying. I'm just a little lost right now."
Capricorn walks over slowly and holds his hand out for her to hold onto while standing up. "We understand Lucy, and we are all here for you. You are a strong independent woman, but it is time that woman opens her hart back up. Your kindness and love is endless, but you can't be scared of getting hurt from others. You aren't disappointing others by living. You are only disappointing others if you aren't living life to the fullest." Capricorn says softly with a smile.
"Thank you all." Lucy sniffles and smiles. She then waves as each disappears one at a time. Last but not least Loki walks over to Lucy and pulls her into a strong hug.
"We all love you Lucy. Especially me, but you already know that though. Both Capricorn and I have sworn to serve your family line and only your family line. We are dedicated and proud to be called your spirits. Don't ever forget that no matter what you may see from any of us." Loki says confidently pulling back and quickly giving her a kiss on the cheek.
With a light blush she swats him away playfully and with a cheeky grin from her lion spirit he flashes back into the spirit world.
Now being alone she looks at the time being only 11 in the morning she sits there for a bit longer to think. Only she realizes that she doesn't have time for that and teleports to her mission's objectives house.