Sorry it took a while! I was on a mental health break, and also a rut apparently. Writer's block and all that. Hope I don't disappoint!
—
"Lexie! Breakfast, quick."
"I'm coming!" She shouts back, putting her hair up in a ponytail. Zola comes in the bathroom and says something incoherent to her. Lexie smiles, and picks her up. "Hey, birthday girl."
Meredith was somehow all over the kitchen and the dining area, and Lexie had to watch in confusion. Her sister doesn't cook. She puts a plate of eggs, bacon and pancake on Lexie's usual spot on the table. "Don't you guys worry I didn't cook. Derek did."
"Mer! You know I'm allergic to eggs." Lexie sighs in annoyance and puts Zola down on the seat beside hers. She takes her plate and shoves all the eggs on to Derek's plate.
Her sister glares at her and swats her hand away. "Lexie! Stop it! That's not yours. That's Maggie's."
"What? This is my spot."
"Not anymore."
Lexie's shoulders slump down and she releases a humorless laugh. "Right." She stands up and gets herself a cup of coffee. Her New York routine suddenly sounded more appealing.
Derek hands over the coffee pot to Lexie, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. She smiles at him. "Mark called to ask if you got home safely last night. What happened?"
"It's... complicated. I don't wanna talk about it." Her fingers tapped on the counter anxiously, thinking of a change in topic before her brother-in-law badgers her on. "I think I like Barrow. In Arizona."
He was about to drink his coffee when she said that, and he had to put his mug down. "I thought you've decided you were going to do your fellowship here."
"Just considering my options." She attempts to give him a reassuring smile. He smiles back, so she assumed she pulled a good one.
Lexie went to Barrow last week for her interview and she liked it there. The hospital and the program, not the heat. She never liked the heat.
Derek glances at her again before taking a sip from his mug. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, you know you can talk to me, right?"
The smile that crosses her face this time was genuine. She gives him a nod. Derek has always been a good older sibling to her, often standing up for the job when Meredith couldn't. She could tell him, but she didn't want to cause problems. Not when she is just about to decide. Because surely he'll tell Mark and her sister, even though she's gonna say that she's just thinking of it.
Lexie gulps down the rest of her coffee and waves goodbye to everyone before Maggie comes out of her room and her jealousy could ruin her day.
—
A storm was brewing in the distance as Mark steps out of his apartment building and into the cold air, his hands stuffed inside the pockets of his leather jacket. He was turning towards the direction of the hospital when he sees Lexie leaning by the brick wall of the building. She didn't notice him step out, she seemed too preoccupied watching something on the other side of the street.
"Lex. Hi." He walks over to her and she straightens up and gives him a tight smile. "It's cold out here, you should've come in."
"It's fine. I didn't wanna... I mean, if she's still in there, I don't want to, um... Here's fine." She looks down at her shoes before glancing back at him.
He knew better than to continue with the subject, because Nadine was, indeed, still up there, passed out on his bed. His back was sore from the couch, and he barely slept because of what happened. Lexie was back, and instead of enjoying what little time they have together, timing has somehow toyed around with them again.
"I'm on my way to work. Will you walk with me?" Mark offers. She nods and they start heading to the hospital. "About last night..."
Lexie shakes her head, and laughs humorlessly. "No, I... I get it. She's your best friend."
Lexie was silent after the small exchange, and she stood almost an entire foot away from Mark. He steals glances at her from time to time, watching as she tries to rub her hands together every now and then for warmth. It was until he couldn't resist that he put his arm around her and took her hands in his. The sudden contact made her release a little gasp. "God, Lex. How long did you stand out there in the cold?"
He puts her hands in the pockets of his jacket, and she rests her cheek on his chest. Lexie breathes him in and closes her eyes for a second as they keep walking. "An hour or so."
Mark looks down at Lexie's face and pulls her closer to him. "Well, did you at least see something good?" She's an observer and people-watching is what she does when she's bored, and as much as she'd deny it, saying it's "a bad trait", Mark knows.
"No, I was too busy trying to keep down Derek's soggy pancakes from this morning." She laughs softly, and Mark does too, the sound comforting her in an instant.
Lexie looks up at him and smiles. Sometimes, it scares her how he has her on the palm of his hand. One smile at her and she's gone. All the self-control just leaves her, and she's wrapped around his finger again. It's terrifying.
What's even more terrifying that she can't see herself without him anymore. They've been through so many things together, they've been pulled apart a million times, and she doesn't think she can survive another cycle of that. Her future, as much as she wants it not to, is somehow revolving around him now too.
"I miss you. And I... I really need someone right now. Can we talk?" They stop just outside the front doors of the hospital and Lexie looks at him, hopeful. She desperately needs him to soothe her concerns, to tell her everything she needs to hear. With the pressure of her upcoming boards and everything happening at home, she needs him.
Mark opens his mouth before closing it again. He takes another second, and he finally speaks. "I... I can't lie. We kissed. Nadine, she kissed me last night. Before you came in. But that's it. It didn't mean anything. I just want you to know."
Way to kill the mood. Lexie's smile disappears and suddenly feels like she's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders again. She asked for a sign today. Anything at all to give her the push to stay in Seattle. The universe gave her the opposite. "Okay."
Mark's eyes were still watching her, concerned. "I have a surgery in ten minutes, but after that I'm free."
"No, it's fine. I'll... I'll find someone." Lexie gives him a tight smile before turning to walk away.
She takes a deep breath and pulls out her phone to type an email.
—
Music and laughter filled Lexie's ears as she entered Derek and Meredith's house later that night. Zola's birthday party has already started, and some of her older daycare friends were running around the house, their shoes making little beeping noises.
She walked around Seattle all day, just to clear her mind and think. The email she typed out for Barrow was unsent. She just couldn't do it. Not yet.
The little girl whom she identified as Sofia was sitting on a high chair on the far corner of the room, being fed by Cristina. Lexie walks over to her and nudges the already-frowning woman. "She spits up everything I feed her, but she willingly puts her toys inside her mouth. Look!"
Sofia spits out a piece of carrot, as if on cue, and Lexie laughs. Cristina shoves the tiny bowl of the baby's food into Lexie's hands and she was about to object when Cristina held up a finger in front of her. "You're the dad's girlfriend, that's your kid by association. I'm gonna go get drunk."
"I'm not his girlfriend." Lexie mumbles and puts the bowl down to pick up Sofia from the high chair. Her curled hair seems to be appetizing enough for the kid, as she shoves a tiny fistful of them into her mouth.
"Sof, no!" Mark suddenly pops out of nowhere and takes Sofia from Lexie's arms. It took everything in her to not reach out to him and touch him, kiss him, but she knows everything can't be well just from the way that one glance was his only acknowledgment of her presence.
He gives his daughter a stuffed tiger and keeps his eyes on her as he speaks. "So... Barrow huh?"
There was a hint of bitterness in his voice and it was obvious he was trying to hide it from the way he cleared his throat right after saying it.
Derek did tell him. Lexie licks her lips and observes him for a second. She rubs her already sweaty palms on her pants before tickling Sofia's little arm. "Yeah, um... I went there last week and I liked it. They're my top choice right now."
"I thought you said you were moving back here." His eyes were still glued to his daughter, but it was evident that he was getting annoyed.
"I thought you said I'm allowed take my fellowship anywhere."
"That's when I thought you were sure it was gonna be Seattle."
"Yeah, well not anymore."
They lock eyes in frustration, both unafraid to snap back and say something they'll regret. Mark sighs. It takes him a while to soften up and put his hand on Lexie's face. "Lex. I can tell something's wrong. I'm here now. Talk to me. I miss you."
"Heeeey, look who's here!" April suddenly runs up to Lexie and gives her a hug. She was one of the only people she kept contact with aside from her family and Mark. They've grown quite close over the past few months, sharing patient stories and relationship problems over the phone.
Lexie gets pulled away from Mark and into the arms of her other old co-workers. She says hi to all of them, even to the new ones that they've just introduced to her. When she looks back to where Mark was, he was gone. She excuses herself from April and her friends, and finds him outside, walking to his car.
"You're leaving?" She walks towards him in the cold, completely forgetting about the coat she left inside. The top she was wearing was skimpy enough as it is, leaving her to wrap her own arms around herself for warmth.
Mark turns around to look at her, before pressing the open button on his car keys. "Just a cupcake run. Sofia tipped over the cupcakes on the table and they all fell, I have to get new ones. Get back inside, Lex. It's cold."
Lexie runs and gets inside the car as he did, leaving Mark surprised. He only looks at her for a second before shoving his keys in and starting the car. They were silent for the most part of the drive, except for the occasional glances Mark would give her every now and then.
She knew she'd have to talk to him. He has always been her best friend, even from the beginning. The only person she can talk to about literally anything. Meredith used to laugh at her and asked what she would do when she and Mark break up and she has no one to talk to about her problems, and Lexie would just say she'll be fine.
Then it happened. They broke up once, twice, (thrice, if you count Mark's wedding), and she lost not only her boyfriend but also her best friend. It used to bug her that there were things he could tell Callie and not her, and it took her a while to understand. He recovered quicker than she did after every breakup, probably because he had a support system, and she didn't. Well, she did, but she kept it all to herself instead, only wanting him to be there for her. That's why it matters so much for her to have him, always. He's the only one who could calm her down, keep her in check.
The car stops right in front of a cupcake store and Lexie pulls Mark to her before he could get out of the car, and kisses him. It was short, but sweet, and somehow gave her every bit of reassurance she needed. She runs her fingers across his cheek when she pulls away, licking her lips. "I love you."
Mark smiles at her words. He smiled like it was the first time she's said it. All at once, everything that was wrong with them was erased, forgotten. "Cupcakes." He says quietly, earning a laugh from Lexie. She lets him go, then, and he steps inside the shop.
Mark comes back a few minutes later, handing Lexie the boxes. She puts them in the backseat, and clears her throat a couple of times before he turns to look at her. "Would you like to move to Arizona with me?"
"What?" He looks at her, shocked. Of all the things she could start with, this wasn't one that crossed his mind.
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes before saying it again. "Would you like to move to Arizona? With me?"
Mark could almost laugh at how the air between them feels like. He didn't know what to say without hurting her. "I... Lex, I can't. I have a daughter. Sofia lives here."
"You could take turns with Callie and Arizona every few months. We could fly her out for visits. It's just a few hours away. It's fine." She says, hopeful. Her eyes never leave his, hoping she'd understand what she's saying to him.
"That's... no." Mark knows her, better than anyone. The thing about Lexie was that the things she does is often not of logic, but more so dictated by her emotions. There was always an underlying reason to everything she does. "What's this really about, Lexie?"
She sighs dejectedly and leans her head back on the seat. Her fingers fidget anxiously, and he holds them, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand to comfort her. "I don't belong here anymore. I... I wanted to come home for the people here. But Mer... has a new sister. And you... you have Nadine..." She holds her finger up as Mark opens his mouth to interject. "I know. She's your best friend. I just... The point is, I feel like I could leave and you all have someone to take my place. My place in your lives is all filled in and I've been replaced and I don't know where to fit myself in anymore."
"Lex. Lex, look at me." Lexie looks at him, and sighs deeply. "We all want you to come back. I can't count the number of times I've heard Meredith bring you up to conversations or say 'Lexie would love this' over the past few months. She misses you. Constantly. And Maggie... if anything, you too have gotten yourself a new sister. Give her a chance."
He's right, Lexie thought. She nods silently, squeezing his hand. The smile from her face is growing. This is exactly what she needed.
"And you and me... God, I love you, Lexie. You are the love of my life. I can't lose you again. Stay with me. You belong here with me."
She couldn't stop her smile then. Her whole entire face was beaming, and it's all his doing. The gap between them closes as she kisses him passionately. How he could calm her down with a few words, she'll never know. But he was right. This is where she belongs. In his arms, with him. Nothing else matters.
Mark pulls away when his phone starts to vibrate and releases a laugh when he reads the text. "Time to head back. Meredith's panicking." He smiles at her, his thumb tracing her bottom lip. "Are you okay now?"
Lexie nods.
The entire drive back, all they both did was talk and laugh. They've never run out of things to talk about, even from day one, and that has always attracted them even more to each other. Mark threw in a couple of review questions from time to time, making sure she was still on the right track before her boards.
Meredith was in the front yard, giving them nasty looks when they stepped out of the car and handed over the cupcakes. "I swear to god if you had sex in that car with the cupcakes just a few inches away, I will kill you both."
Lexie laughs at her sister and playfully shoves Mark away from her. He laughs too and whispers into her ear. "Perhaps we should have."
—
It was almost midnight when Lexie finished cleaning up the house. The guests left hours ago and Meredith and Derek both left her to clean up, saying they both have early shifts in the morning. Mark was asleep on the couch, his arms wrapped around a throw cushion.
"Babe. Time to go home." She whispers, giving him a kiss. He has work tomorrow, and she insisted that he should go home hours ago but he said he'll stay a little bit more.
Mark opens his eyes and sits up. "I'm sorry. I'm so tired, I must have fallen asleep. Is Sofia...?"
"Arizona brought her home."
He nods, still appearing to be half asleep. Lexie sits beside him, and leans her chin on his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Drive safe, okay?" She stands up as soon as he did and walks him to the door. Mark kisses her one last time and she smiles into his lips. The hug he gives her right after was so tight, it made her miss him already.
Lexie wanted to come home with him, but they both agreed that they won't be able to help themselves, they'll just end up having sex until the sun comes up, and that wouldn't be good for tonight. He has a big cutting-edge, highly publicized surgery in the morning and he needs as much rest as he can get.
"Sure you don't wanna come home with me?" He says when he's just a few feet away from his car.
"Sure you wanna fall asleep during surgery and embarrass yourself in front of your colleagues because you had sex with your girlfriend all night?"
Mark raises his eyebrow, and smiles even wider than he has. "Girlfriend? We're finally there?"
"We're finally there." Lexie smiles, biting her lip. She leans towards the doorframe and crosses her arms in front of her, watching as he opens the car door with a smug grin. "Good night, Mark."
"Night, Lex."