Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter. I basically never update this frequently, but this chapter was ready to go and I just felt like publishing it quickly. I know there are heaps of post 4.14 story already, but I haven't seen any do it this way before, so I've given it a go. I have already written a post Yates story that I published back in February, but that was written in speculation before the episode aired, and having just rewatched it, I had an idea to go at it from another point of view. I don't like the lack of Erin and Jay interaction at the end of the episode, and Erin sitting all alone in the locker room makes me think of this story. So here you go! I hope you enjoy this one, please leave a review to let me know your thoughts.
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Jay's heart is still beating much too fast inside his chest as they arrive back at the district. He's been on edge all day, watching Yates toy with Erin, watching it turn his partner into a fired up, barely controlled mess. He'd agreed with Voight a hundred percent when the sergeant had insisted on leaving her behind while they went to find Yates, but it had hurt seeing the look on her face as he had walked out of roll up.
His heart had dropped when Voight's voice had come over the radio, telling them that he was headed to find Erin, who was with Yates. They'd had the wrong location, and she'd gone after him after realising. He knows she's ok; Voight had radioed back in after everything had gone down, but he needs to see her, needs to hold her in his arms to know for certain that she's alright. He knows that even if she isn't hurt physically, her head will be a mess.
They finally arrive, and he's jumping from the car and bounding upstairs before the others can even move. No one even tries to follow him as he makes his way into the bullpen.
"Where is she?" Jay demands as soon as he spots Voight in the otherwise abandoned room.
"Locker room." His boss jerks his head in that direction.
As Jay moves past him to find his girl, the older man's hand reaches out to catch his arm.
"Hey." The gruff voice of Hank Voight will always make him stop. "You look after her, you hear? She really needs you right now."
He nods at his sergeant. "Always."
As quickly as the exchange began, it's over, and he's striding towards the locker room, unsure of how he'll find his partner when he enters.
He stops in the doorway at the sight of her, slumped over her knees as she sits on the bench.
"Hey." He says softly, not wanting to startle her.
"Hey."
She doesn't meet his eyes, just keeps staring at the floor from her position on the bench.
"I would apologise for going off without backup again, but I can't do that." She says, so quietly. The promise she made to him only months ago occurred to her after it was over, but she knows she wouldn't have done anything differently.
Jay moves closer to her. "I know. I get it."
She lifts her head, finally meeting his eyes. Her body sags slightly with relief when she sees understanding in his eyes, and she knows he'll forgive her for breaking her promise.
"I killed him."
There's no tears, or anger, but a strange quality in her voice and a look in her eyes he's never seen or heard before.
He stops just in front of her, bobbing down to the ground so his face is level with hers.
"I know. And I'm glad you did, because you stopped him from hurting you, or anyone else, ever again."
She takes a deep breath. "So does that mean I'm not a horrible person for being glad it was me?"
He shakes his head vehemently. "No, Erin, not at all. He hurt so many people, and he could have hurt you. I'm just so glad he didn't."
She nods slowly, a stray tear running down her cheek. He reaches a hand up to cup her face, his thumb brushing the moisture away.
"Hey," he whispers. "You're okay."
She shakes her head sadly. "He still killed all those women. All those nurses, his father … His poor mother and sister."
"I know. Nothing will ever make that better, but Erin; you got justice for them today. You know that's all we can do sometimes."
Their job is tough, and sometimes they all need the reminder. She nods at him, gripping his spare hand with hers in silent thanks.
He nods, and drops the hand that's on her cheek down to her injured knee. He rubs a gentle thumb over the denim covered joint.
"How's your knee?" He asks, changing the subject. He knows she'd rather not break down here if she can help it, that she won't feel comfortable until they're home.
"Yeah, it's alright. I haven't really thought about it."
Jay nods. "We should probably get it checked out tomorrow."
She shrugs. "Okay."
"Do you want to go home?" Jay asks.
He grips her legs tightly when a shudder runs through her body.
"What?" He asks in confusion.
"He um, he was there. At my place."
Jay mentally chastises himself. Of course she'd feel uncomfortable. It'd been such a long day, he's completely forgotten finding Nellie Carter in Erin's apartment, or that Yates had been the one to take her there.
"I'm sorry, I forgot." He says regretfully. "We can stay at mine if you want?"
She shakes her head firmly. "No, I'm going to let him run me out of my house."
"You wouldn't be." Jay reassures her. "It'd just be for tonight. Come on, my place isn't that bad." He jokes.
She cracks a small smile. "That's not it. I just need to feel safe there, and if I put it off, I don't think I'll be able to. I just need to get it over with. As long as you're there with me?"
She looks so hesitant that he rushes to answer, wanting to remove that unsure, vulnerable look from her face.
"Of course, babe. Just let me know when you want to go."
"In a minute, I think. I just need to sit here a bit longer."
Jay nods in understanding. "Okay. Well I'm going to go give Ruzek a hand, and you come out when you're ready, okay?"
At her nod, he starts to get up, but she places her hands on his shoulders to stop him before he can move. He gives her a confused look, until she leans forward to wrap his arms around his neck. He hugs her back instantly, running a hand through her hair.
He doesn't let go until she does, and he gives her a soft smile, before planting his lips on her in a short, quick kiss. He finally stands, and squeezes her hand before turning to leave. She's not shutting him out, she just needs a moment to compartmentalise, and he understands that.
/
When she finally leaves the locker room and makes her way back to the bullpen, Jay is taking down the murder board along with Ruzek. Seeing Adam holding Nadia's picture propels her forward.
"Hey. Can I have that?" She asks softly.
He nods, handing it to her, and then squeezing her arm in comfort. She smiles at her friend, thanking him with her eyes.
She can feel Jay's eyes on her from his place behind her, and she can feel them follow her as she moves over to her desk. When she turns around, he's there, the look on his face so full of concern that she wants to burrow herself into his arms again. Of course, she'd never do that out here, with Voight and everyone else watching. She can fall apart when she gets home.
"And you? You doing okay?" He asks, needing to check up on her even after spending only ten minutes apart.
She looks at him. "I don't know yet." She says honestly.
He nods, and turns back to the whiteboard without a word. She knows he's giving her time to process, and she loves that about him. He's learnt when the time is to push and when to leave her to her thoughts.
Benson makes her way over to Erin's desk until she's standing in front of her. The two women talk for a few moments before Benson makes her way down the stairs, and Erin turns back to Jay.
"Olivia's asked me to go for a drink with her. She wants to talk to me about today."
He nods, wishing he could just take her home, but knowing she needs this. She's exhausted, and barely holding it together, but it might be good for her to debrief with the older cop.
"I'll wait for you at your place?" He asks, not really needing an answer.
She nods, and a hint of a smile makes its way across her lips. She leans up to press a kiss to his cheek, more than she'll usually ever allow at work.
"Thank you."
She makes her way over to Voight, who's been standing by his door, watching them. She hugs her father figure, nodding in response as he whispers something to her. She pulls back and makes her way down the stairs after Benson.
Jay turns back to the board, quickly finishing his task so that he can get back home and wait for her.
/
Erin is only out with Olivia for a short time, and Jay doesn't have to wait very long for her to get back. While he waits, he takes it upon himself to straighten up her apartment after the events of the day, rearranging objects so that they're back in their original places that he knows so well. He doesn't want her to have to think about Yates any more than is necessary.
He hears the door open quietly, and turns his head from his position on the couch to watch her enter. Her shoulders are slumped with the weight of the last few days, her face pale and her movements slow.
He stands to meet her, not even bothering to sit her on the couch. He leads her into her bedroom, and finds something for her to wear to sleep while she showers. Before long, she's crawling under the covers and he changes into sweatpants and a t-shirt to join her. She's instantly curling into his chest, and his hand falls to her hair, stroking comfortingly.
"He was trying to get into my head." She says into the quiet air of the room. "Talking about how we're the same, messed up childhoods and all that."
"You know that's total bull, right?" He says quickly.
Her silence worries him.
"I do." She finally answers. "But it's hard to remember sometimes."
"Well, I'll always be here to remind you." He promises. "It'll seem better in the morning."
She nods slowly, before turning her head to face him.
"Thanks for being here."
He presses a kiss to her forehead. "Always."
Exhaustion claims her quickly, but Jay lies awake, watching her chest rise and fall with her breaths, studying her face, which is peaceful in her sleep. He can't even begin to describe how glad he is that this whole mess with Yates is finally over, even if it's taken its toll on Erin. He knows that he'll always be there to help her pick up the pieces.