Hi there! Happy New Year! I've actually had a few chapters of this in the works for awhile, but life has been so busy that I haven't' finished them. Then I was just watching the Linstead scenes from the newest episode, 4x11, and someone left a comment asking if I could do a chapter on Erin's dad, so this is where I went with that, since I wish the ending had been different for Erin and Jay. Luckily we have FanFiction for that! I hope you enjoy this, please leave a review because they are very appreciated!
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She ends up back at the District after her talk with Annie. She's not sure why, she really should just go home. She cleans up her desk, finding it calming to organise even the tiniest part of her life. At least it's one part she can control. All the while, she doesn't notice Hank is sitting in his office, watching stoically.
She heads into the locker room, making her way to her blue locker and tossing a few things inside. She drops to the bench below. She just needs a minute to not think about anything. She needs to forget how much she wishes Bunny was not in her life, forget the look in Jimmy's eyes when he thought she was in on it. She needs to forget the fact that she'd blamed Jay for just looking out for her. He's the one person who has never disappointed her, and yet she keeps letting him down.
"Everything okay, kid?" Hank's rough voice interrupts her from her thoughts.
She lets out a short, bitter laugh, not even meeting his eyes. "Not really."
He moves to stand closer in her view, leaning against a locker. "Halstead filled me in about Jimmy."
Erin sighs. "Of course he did." She mutters.
"To be fair, I leaned on him a bit, used the whole 'I let you date in my unit' bit. He said I should talk to you."
Erin nods. "He's a good guy. The best. And I blamed him for something that wasn't his fault."
"He's always been good at looking out for you, I'll give him that." Hank admits. "So what happened?"
Erin sighs heavily. "Bunny happened, as usual. Turns out Jimmy's not my father, she claims she didn't know, and I can't give her the benefit of the doubt anymore. Plus I went off at Jay for being the one to tell me, so he probably hates me now."
"Halstead doesn't hate you." Hank chuckles. "I've never seen a guy so hopeless about a girl."
She smiles slightly without thinking, before sobering quickly. "I don't know, I mind have really done it this time. How long will it take for him to get sick of all my crap and find someone who doesn't have drama happening every five minutes?"
Hank sighs and comes to sit beside her on the bench. "I don't think that'll ever happen, Erin. It's obvious how much he loves you."
Erin turns to him. "For how much longer? I just keep fighting and pushing him away, and I do it without even realising. Surely he'd be better off with someone who's less trouble."
"Maybe he would be, but he wants you."
Erin sags at his words, letting her shoulders slump forward. "I don't know why." She mutters.
"Now you listen to me, kid." Hank's voice changes from harsh sergeant to serious and concerned parent. "Jay loves you, and I'm sure he would do anything you want him to. Including ending your relationship, if that's what you really want. But I'm pretty sure that's not it. You can't control all the crap that happens to you Erin, and God knows you've had more than your fair share in life. But Erin," his serious voice brings her eyes back to his. "You can control how you react to it. I know you haven't always had people in your life who stick around."
"Just you, really." She whispers.
Hank nods. "And Jay. He'll stick around, but if you keep pushing him, you're going to give him doubts. Part of being in a relationship is sharing the good and the bad. It's knowing you've got someone to help you through the hard stuff. As long as you're helping him and letting him help you, you can handle all the crap, and so can he. But if you don't give the chance to, he won't."
Erin stares at him. "When did you get so insightful about relationships?"
Hank chuckles. "So many years with Camille, some of it had to stick eventually."
She smiles softly at him. "Thanks, Hank." She leans forward to hug him.
"Go home and make things right, Erin." He tells her. "Oh, and come in a couple of hours later tomorrow, you and Halstead. You could use the rest, you look like crap."
She smiles and rolls her eyes. There's the Hank Voight she knows.
She hurries from the locker room, grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair on the way out.
Jay's the one. He's not stopping her; he's the reason she's sticking around. He's helping her to live the way she wants to. She needs to get home and make sure he knows that.
/
The sound of the door opening catches Jay's attention immediately. He's been sitting in front of the television with his phone in his hand for house now, just waiting for her to come home. A tiny part of him has been worrying that she wouldn't, so the sight of her entering into the hallway causes his shoulders to drop slightly, releasing the tension he's been holding all night.
Erin comes to stand before him, and the two of them stare at each other for a long moment, before she speaks first.
"I'm sorry."
Jay's eyebrows rise. She's typically not the one to apologise first. He takes her in, noticing the dark circles hanging beneath her eyes, her pale face and hunched frame. She looks exhausted, but coherent.
He reaches out a hand to her, which she takes willingly, and pulls her down to sit beside him. He opens his mouth to speak, but is stopped immediately.
"No, please, Jay, let me say this." She begs.
He nods without saying a word.
"I'm sorry. I messed up. You didn't do anything wrong, and I shouldn't have gone off at you. You make me happier than anyone ever has, and I'm sorry that I don't know how to deal with these things without pushing you away." Her voice shakes as she asks for his forgiveness.
He pulls her into his arms because he can't stand not having her close when she's so upset.
"It's okay, Erin." He soothes her, rubbing a hand across her back as he feels her tears leaking into his shirt. Each one is like a knife to his chest, her pain causing him pain.
"No it's not." She gasps, trying to speak through her tears. "I'm just sick of all these things happening when I'm finally happy, and I don't know why you keep putting up with it."
"Hey," he says firmly, pulling back to face her. "I don't put up with anything, Erin. I do it because I love you. I just want to be there for you, with everything, ok?"
"It's just that sometimes I think you'd be better off without me." Her gaze drops to the couch below them at her soft admission.
His chest tightens, as he tries to contain the panicked feeling rising within him. "That is not what I want. Is that what you want?"
Erin brings her eyes back to his, and her chest constricts at his concerned expression. Hank's right. He won't leave her, unless he's sure that it's what she really wants, and he'll fight for her until the last second.
She shakes her head. "No."
The immediate relief in his face is evident, so she keeps going.
"Sometimes I think you'd be better off without me, and sometimes I wish I could get away from everything, but I never want to leave you. And I'm going to work on remembering that, so that when something happens, I won't flip out on you."
He nods slowly. "Thank you. But these things don't happen to you, Erin, they happen to us. I'm in this forever, as long as you want me to be."
She nods in reply. "I do. And so am I."
He smiles at her softly. "And just so you know, I'd live anywhere, as long as I get to be with you."
She smiles back, leaning to rest her head on his shoulder. "I'm good with Chicago, for now, if you are."
They sit together in silence for a few minutes, before Jay dares to bring it up.
"So what happened after you left the District?" He asks, wanting to know where she's been all day.
He feels her body tense against his, before relaxing as she sighs heavily. "I went to see Bunny. She swears she didn't know Jimmy wasn't my father, but she still wanted to know who ran the DNA test."
"That explains why she showed up at the District, demanding to talk to Hank." Jay fills her in.
"I guess so. She wanted me not to tell Jimmy, so I lost it at her."
"She deserved it." He reassures her. "Did you tell him?"
"Yeah, I did. He deserved to know. But, ah …" Her voice trails off for a second. "He thought that I was in on it with Bunny."
"Oh, Erin." Jay murmurs. "I'm sorry."
"I know." She whispers, turning her face into his shoulder, breathing deeply to fight off more tears. She continues once she's gained control of her emotions. "I came here for a bit, then I went and met Annie at Molly's. She asked me why I haven't just left Chicago yet, to get away from Bunny and all of it."
"What did you tell her?" Jay asks cautiously.
She turns her head up to face him. "I didn't tell her anything. But I knew it was you." She smiled softly, despite the tear streaks on her cheeks. "I don't want to go anywhere without you, Jay."
He smiled back and kissed her forehead softly. "Same goes for me, babe."
"I really need to cut Bunny out my life, for good this time." Erin admits.
"I think you're right. She's had way too many chances, and you don't deserve her crap."
"Yeah." She sighs.
"And you know I'll help you with anything you need, right?"
She smiles at him. "I love you, Jay." She tells him, softly but firmly.
"I love you too, Erin, always."
Jay relaxed as she snuggled closer into his chest, feeling the last remnants of tension from the day leave his body. They'll make their way to bed eventually, but for now he's happy on the couch. As long as she is in his arms, and not running from him, they can handle anything life throws at them.