The idea for this chapter has been shamelessly stolen from Grey's Anatomy (two ideas actually!), and I seriously have no idea where it came from. I haven't been a viewer of Grey's for many years now, so who knows what my brain was doing the other night. All I know is that this idea popped into my head, which led to me watching the original Grey's scene on YouTube and crying over it at 3am. Good times. If you're a Grey's fan, or ex-fan like me, you might recognise a few lines from the show in each scene. Any lines taken from the show obviously do not belong to me. I can see the end with this story, and I know that the timelines of each chapter have been all over the place, but from the last chapter to this, and the ones that come after are all in chronological order now (an alternative, happy ending to the end of season 4 into an AU season 5). And speaking of season 5, the inspiration to finish this story came after reading the new PD showrunner's interview where he discussed Sophia leaving and the future of Jay on the show. That really cemented the fact that I won't be able to watch CPD anymore, because even though I adore Jesse, Sophia was the reason I started watching it and it just won't be the same for me anymore. That is just my opinion, others may feel completely differently to me. Although I will no longer be watching it, this show will hold a special place in my heart, particularly due to Linstead. I will keep living in my little land of denial, pretending they are still happily living together. I also hope to keep writing stories for these two. For reference to the engagement in this story, please see chapter 3. I hope you enjoy this.
/
She has a feeling.
She can't explain it, but she feels like something's going to happen, and all she can do is wait for it. It's there when she wakes up, and it doesn't fade as she and Jay arrive at work to begin their day.
"Babe, are you okay?" He murmurs in her ear, his body pressing into hers from behind as she stands at the counter in the break room. He's noticed her strange behaviour all morning and he can't wait any longer for her to tell him.
She turns in his arms, glancing out to the bullpen to make sure no one's watching. Sure, they may be engaged, but they still try to keep the PDA under wraps at work. Right now though, she can't bring herself to care. She needs her fiance's arms around her, to have him soothe away the fears that have appeared out of nowhere.
She looks up at him. "I have a feeling." She says softly.
She doesn't say anything else, but Jay's eyes flicker, and she knows he's understood what she means. He always understands her better than she does herself.
"I get those." He murmurs.
"What do you do?" She asks softly.
He shrugs, his expression apologetic. "Wait for it to pass."
She sighs and leans forward, burying her face in to his chest. She still has no idea why, but all she knows is she wishes she'd stayed in bed this morning.
Jay's arms tighten around her, and she allows herself a few short moments of respite, before pulling away from him. She gives him a soft smile, brushing his jaw with her thumb before heading back out to their desks to continue with their work. She can't waste the rest of the day just because of a feeling.
/
She figures out the reason for her feeling only an hour later. Voight bursts in to the bullpen from his office.
"There's an incident over at Chicago Med, everyone gear up!" He growls in his raspy tone.
His detectives all move instantly, knowing from the expression on his face that it's serious. Jay and Erin secure each other's vests, grab their gear and jump into the car, following Voight and Olinksy to the hospital.
Erin can see the tension in Jay's posture, and she abandons all thought of her feeling, focusing on her partner.
"I'm sure Will's okay." She says softly, knowing he's thinking about his brother.
Jay sighs and reaches a hand across to rest on her thigh, squeezing in silent thanks. "I hope so."
As soon as they reach the hospital they're all business, all other thoughts out of their mind.
"Alright, everyone listen up." Voight barks, waiting for his team to assemble in front of him. "There's been a bomb threat. Bomb squad's been called in, but we need to help with crowd control and security. I'll give everyone an area to work in, and I expect everyone to stick with their partner and keep radios on at all times. Is that clear?"
The detectives are all nodding in understanding when a cry breaks their attention.
"Jay!"
Jay turns around at the sound of his voice to see Natalie, his brother's girlfriend running towards him, tears streaking down her face.
"Natalie! What's wrong?" He says urgently, gripping the woman's arms to steady her.
"It's Will! He's in the section that they quarantined off, but it's not a threat Jay, it's a real bomb! I heard them talking about it."
Jay's eyes widen as Natalie's words sink in. He whirls around to face Erin, whose face is as concerned as his, and then to Voight, who fixes him with a hard stare before nodding.
"Go. Take Alvin with you."
"What? No!" Erin shouts, stepping in front of her partner before he can move.
"Erin, I'm not going to the bomb, I just need to find Will." He explains calmly.
"You are talking about going into a quarantined area where a bomb is, Jay! That's reckless!"
"He's my brother, Erin!" He pleads with her, and she can see the fear in his eyes. "I have to find him."
She knows that she can't stop him, and there's nothing she can say to change his mind. Her eyes meet Hank's over Jay's shoulder, and her father figure fixes her with a stare that tells her he understands why Jay wants to do this.
She sighs heavily, before bringing her eyes back to his. "Be careful, please." She orders more than anything.
He nods, hauling her against his chest for a moment, before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and hurrying after Natalie.
/
Erin paces the space in the hallway, arms folded over her chest and brow furrowed. Voight had sent everyone else off to manage crowd control but had stayed behind with his daughter to keep her calm. Or to stop her from running after Jay and Natalie, which he knew she could do.
"I can't believe you told him to go." She mutters under her breath.
"You and I both know how stubborn Halstead can be. He would've gone whether I let him or not."
"That still doesn't mean you should have told him to."
"Erin, he'll be fine."
"You don't know that!" She yells, stopping and turning to face him. "He could be walking in to a dangerous situation!"
"He's been in plenty of dangerous situations before." Hank tries to reason with her. "Jay knows how to handle himself."
"I know he does, but that doesn't matter! What if he gets hurt, Hank? What am I supposed to do without him?"
Voight stops, and looks up at the woman he's considered his daughter for most of her life, tears welling in her eyes. She's not the kind to get upset easily, but he knows right now she's terrified. She looks just like the scared kid he'd taken in off the street. He pushes himself up from the chair to come and stand before her.
"Now you listen to me kid, there is no way Jay would leave you. He's going to do everything in his power to come back to you, so that you two can have your wedding and be happy together. Okay?"
Erin breathes deeply and leans forward until her forehead is pressed against Hank's chest.
"I can't lose him." She whispers.
"Everything will be alright." Voight says soothingly, wrapping his arms around her. He prays to God he's right. He knows that Erin's survived a lot in her life, but losing Jay would be the thing that finally breaks her.
Suddenly, a loud noise echoes throughout the room, and the floor starts to shake.
"Oh my God." Erin gasps, and Hank doesn't even think, just drags her over to a doorway where they can stand as safely as possible.
Erin's mind suddenly catches up, and before Hank can blink, she's struggling out of his arms, trying to run towards the doors Jay walked through less than an hour ago.
"Jay!"
Hank hurries after her and locks her in an even tighter grip than before.
"Hank! Let me GO!" She screams.
"Erin, I can't let you do that!" He yells back, still holding on.
All at once she's weightless in his arms, sobbing harder than he's ever seen her before.
"Hank, please." She cries. "Jay!"
Hank is surprised to feel tears springing to his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Erin." He says gruffly, trying to hide the emotion in his voice. "I can't let you go after him."
"No." She cries, sinking towards the ground. "Jay …. I …"
Hank lowers himself to the ground beside her, pulling into his chest once more. All the fight seems to have left her, so he's no longer concerned with her running after her partner. He is concerned by the fact that if Jay doesn't come back, there's no way Erin will cope without him.
/
Erin doesn't know how long she sits there on the floor with Hank, because time seems to stand still. Every minute that passes is another minute where Jay doesn't come back, and convinces her even further that he won't at all.
She feels Hank freeze all of a sudden, but she doesn't bother lifting her head from its resting place. Not until she hears that voice, the one she'd know anywhere.
"Erin."
She gasps, and squeezes her eyes shut, burrowing further into Hank's chest.
"I'm imagining it, aren't I?" She whimpers.
"No, kid." Hank reassures her. "Look."
Tentatively, she raises her head, and standing there is her partner, her fiancé, her Jay.
She scrambles to her feet and throws herself at him, the tears falling once more as he catches her.
"I'm okay, baby, I'm right here." He murmurs in her ear, over and over again until she begins to calm. "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm so sorry."
She pulls back slightly to cup his face with her palms, taking in every inch of him, making sure he's okay. When she's satisfied that he is, she presses her lips to his, breathing him in thankfully. He responds in kind, returning the kiss with vigour, his hands pressing firmly at the small of her back.
They pull away breathlessly, and she sighs heavily, pressing her forehead to his chin, arms still wrapped around his neck.
"I thought I'd lost you." She murmurs.
He sighs as well, his arms tightening even more. "I'm sorry. We weren't in the area when the bomb went off, but there was so much going on that we couldn't get back here. It's a mess out there, but amazingly no one's died. They managed to get everyone out of the area. But I'm so sorry I made you worry. I can't imagine how you felt."
She lifts her eyes to his, smiling softly. "You're okay, that's all that matters."
He smiles back, and the two of them stay locked in each other's gaze.
/
She doesn't let him out of her sight for the rest of the day. They return to the district to finish up some paperwork, and he can feel his eyes on her at all times. He doesn't mention it though; he knows he's put her through a lot today.
He's talking with Ruzek when he sees from the corner of his eye as she abruptly stands and leaves the room. He gives her a moment before excusing himself from his conversation and following her to the locker room.
When he enters, he finds her seated on the bench with her head in her hands. His heart constricts in his chest when he realises once again just what he's caused her to go through today.
"Erin?" He says softly, not wanting to startle her.
When she raises her head to meet his eyes, the tears that have dried on her cheeks are obvious. His chest pangs again as he makes his way to her, crouching down in front of her.
"I'm so sorry, baby." He murmurs.
Erin shakes her head, blinking rapidly to clear her watering eyes. "It's fine. I'm fine. I just needed a minute."
He nods silently, squeezing her thigh with his hand.
"All I could think about was that you could die, and I would never get to call myself your wife." Her whisper breaks through the silence. "And I knew if that happened, that would be it for me."
"I'm here though." He says soothingly. "I'm not going anywhere."
"You don't know that!" She explodes, standing from the bench with such a force that he almost topples backwards. She begins pacing the locker room, words falling from her lips faster than he can keep up with. "This job is too dangerous, and something always happens! There's always a gun, or a dead body, or a bomb, or a million other things that could take you away from me! And I think I fooled myself into thinking that everything would be okay, that the universe would keep us safe because we deserve this. Today just reminded me that nothing is guaranteed, no matter how badly you want it. I can't stand the thought of not getting to marry you, or spend the rest of my life with you."
As she finishes her rant, her body sags, exhaustion from the day taking over. She seems so small standing in front of him, and all he wants to do is take her with him and run away, far from anything bad that could happen.
He steps forward. "We are going to get married. We're going to buy that house we want, and get the dog I know you want so badly, and we will always be happy, even if life keeps throwing crap at us. We have to keep believing in that."
She leans forward so her forehead is pressed against his chest. "I know, days like this just make it so hard to remember."
"That's the reality of the job, unfortunately." He reminds her.
She sighs. "I really want to marry you, Jay."
"So let's get married."
"We are. In two weeks." She reminds him.
"No, let's get married right now."
"What? We can't." She pulls back, staring at him.
"Sure we can!" He releases her to turn and rummage through his locker.
"You can't just change all of our reservations to be today." She argues.
He turns back to face her, a pen and stack of post it notes in his hand. "No, but we can do this."
"What are those for?" She asks, bemused.
"For our vows, of course."
"What?" She laughs.
"I don't want to wait either, Erin. I want to marry you right now. This may not be legally binding, but this is real for me. You're all I need."
She stares back at him, her mouth hanging slightly open before it shifts into a soft smile. "Okay."
"What do we want to promise each other?" He asks softly, looking up at her with those beautiful eyes of his.
She sighs deeply, letting some of the tension bleed out of her at his romantic gesture. She thinks for a moment before responding.
"That you'll love me, even when you hate me."
He smiles back at her, and she can practically hear his voice inside his head whispering that he'll never hate her, even if she's sure she's deserved it many times.
"To love each other, even when we're angry." He repeats, paraphrasing as he writes it down on to the post it note. He looks back to her, his face still soft but serious. "No running, ever. Nobody walks out, no matter what happens."
She makes her way to his side, sitting down on the bench beside him. "No running." She agrees, before adding, "That we'll always be on each other's sides, even if we don't agree on something."
He nods in agreement, adding it to the bright blue note. He signs his name at the bottom, before handing it to her with a smile. She grins back, signing her name beside his.
"Now what?" She laughs, holding the promises they've just made in her lap.
Jay reaches across the small gap between them to cup her face with his palms. "Now I kiss the bride." He whispers, his lips brushing over hers before deepening the kiss. She responds with vigour, her hands falling to his denim covered thighs.
Eventually, they pull away from each other, unable to wipe the grins from their faces.
"Married." Jay nods, as if that's that.
Erin smiles and nods back. "Married."
They get their real wedding two weeks later, where everything goes perfectly. They recite the traditional vows instead of the ones they wrote on the post it, keeping their original promises for themselves. The day is beautiful and perfect and everything they'd wished for, but for the rest of their lives they consider that day in the locker room the real moment they became husband and wife.