Rules & Thursdays
Allen Walker
"Mana… Neah..."
The two of them slept facing one another in their shared double bed, and no matter how many times I shook them or called out their names, neither woke.
With a sigh, I tried again, hopes raised by the groan that met my ears. Neah stirred, then he rolled and stilled, now exactly as he'd been before, only he wasn't facing his twin this time around.
"You guys asked for it," I whispered, climbing over them. It was their fault for not waking while I was still playing nice.
With one hand sliding beneath the sheets, and the other trailing over Neah's exposed neck, I figured they'd last around ten seconds.
Two sets of dark brown-flecked-gold eyes soon shot open as childish giggles filled the room and the both of them flailed and writhed, trying unsuccessfully to shield themselves as I tickled and smothered them in kisses.
"Gya! Daddy!" Mana squealed, futilely trying to swat away my hand.
Grinning, I scooped them both up, hefting the giggling duo over my shoulders and lugging them towards the door. Two tiny bodies clung to the back of my shirt, four legs kicking about at the sides of my central vision.
"Breakfast~" I announced with a singsong tone, the bounce in my step successfully getting from them another two strings of laughter as they teetered unsteadily where they were held, close to falling.
Silver eyes rose to meet my own as I descended the stairs, Katerina already sitting at the jutting area of elongated bench space that was our kitchen table, three different bowls of cereal at the seats beside her.
Letting the twins down, I habitually sat at the Honey Nut Crunch, Mana making a beeline for the Fruit Loops, and Neah for the Nutri-Grain. The four of us ate in a comfortable silence, with me pretending that I couldn't see Mana and Neah not-so-subtly having kicking war. Kids will be kids; it was best to just let 'em at it and figure out the consequences for themselves. How much it hurt to nurse a bruised shin, for instance.
Katerina rolled her eyes at their actions, and then when I sent an innocent smile her was, she just sighed, going back to the last of her toast. She soon finished before the rest of us, her only stop before hurrying off being the sink so she could add her plate to the growing pile of dirty dishes that needed to be cleaned.
She was the most mature one out of the four of us, no matter how she tried to hide it. I knew. She was a complex mix of your average seven-year-old, and someone thrice her age. Katie constantly wavered between the two, never quite able to remain as one for more than a few minutes at a time. Sure, she tried to act like a normal child her own age, except… it wasn't that hard to figure out something was a bit off about her, especially with the way she worded a good portion of her sentences. And that, unfortunately, was the reason she had no friends her own age. Well, that and the fact that she death-glared just about anyone who dared to get too close to me, Neah, or Mana.
While I'd been busy pondering that, Katerina had returned with their outfits for the day, setting them out neatly on the coffee table in front of the couch. Ever the motherly figure… Maybe she should be the parent.
I thought about that, and shivered. No. She was perfect just the way she was; all the hard, disgusting shit this stupid world dumped on us was better left for me deal with. I at least wanted them to enjoy what was left of their childhood.
Pushing those thoughts to the back of my head -where they would then be left to fester and eat away at me from the inside out until I finally worked up the nerve to deal with them head on-, I instead focussed on what she'd picked out. Not to boast or anything, but she'd inherited her superior sense of fashion from yours truly, so it was always interesting to see what combinations of tees and shorts she could come up with. She'd once mentioned that she hated being a child because of the lack of creativity present in children's clothes.
When I'd tried telling her that there was actually a wide variety of clothing for those of her age, she'd fixed me with this sour look and mumbled something about me not having the brain cells to understand her dilemma.
Maybe it was a girl thing…
Anyway, as always, Mana and Neah's were matching, though with different coloured shirts. They used to wear the exact same clothing until a teacher complained about how the two of them were always switching hair styles and pretending to be the other. I still couldn't fathom as to how someone could get the two of them mixed up; it was easy to tell them apart. Where Neah was mostly serious, Mana was very easy-going, perhaps even a tad airy at times.
Katerina shimmied out of her pale pink cotton shorts, replacing them with a pair of thin black stockings that were more for appearance's sake than to actually keep her pale legs warm or shielded from the sun.
Only just finishing off breakfast now, I leave my empty bowl in the sink, walking out to see Katerina stepping into an ankle-length black skirt with white ruffled trimmings. Smiling at her, I sank into the comfort of the couch I'd bought years ago -as long as it's comfortable, who cares if it looks old?-, already utterly exhausted, and the day hadn't even really begun yet. If only I didn't have to wake up so early…
Clearing my head of that thought, I blinked in surprise when I saw that Katerina was already buttoning up her white Victorian-era shirt.
…Apparently, like me, my daughter's preferences lie in old-fashioned clothing.
"Daddy?"
Katerina was watching me, big eyes filled with worry, head tilted slightly to one side; it was a habit she'd picked up from me. Smiling, I wordlessly took the hairbrush she'd been holding in her hand, pretending I hadn't noticed her concern.
There was nothing wrong with me, I'd just been pretty out of it lately… Tired, too…
While combing through her long russet tresses, I tied back the top layer so that it wouldn't get in her face, the rest of it remaining out and reaching down to her mid back. If anything, the style seemed to age her, giving the seven-year-old the appearance of a ten-year-old; the fact that she hadn't inherited my lack of…erm… growth… helped a bit.
Even though I didn't exactly like the idea of my little girl looking older than she actually was, I knew this suited her best. Or, to be more accurate, it suited her personality. Forced to become an adult before she could even hope to experience what being a child was like… I guess that was another similarity between the two of us.
Ignoring the guilt nestling deep within my gut, I tucked a stray curl of reddish-brown behind her ear, the action so familiar to me that I'd done it instinctively. Realising what I'd done, I withdrew my hand, frowning. When little eyebrows furrowed, I patted the top of her head, smoothing down any hair that I hadn't had the chance to get to yet. "You look beautiful, Katie."
Just like HER…
Consciously thinking of it made my chest hurt, and when Katerina smiled up at me, the expression so painfully fake, I felt like crying. But I didn't; it would ruin her efforts if I did. She was trying to be reassuring, trying to be the strong one. She wanted to help me forget about all the bad things. Like the pain. And the loss. And my life before them.
"Be sure to look after your brothers for me."
She gave me a weary smile, and then I found myself pulled down by the hands at my collar, closer to her height.
I felt lips brush my cheek, soft as a feather, and then came the almost inaudible reply of, "I always do."
Something tugged on my sleeve, and when I checked to see what it was, a pair of silver eyes stared up into mine, full of curiosity. "Daddy, is something wrong?" Mana asked.
I grinned, pulling back out of Katerina's hold. "Of course not! But we do have to get moving! I can't be late for work because my boss is a big meanie!"
He nodded thoughtfully, an adorable pout taking hold of his face. "If he's a meanie, why don't you just leave?"
"It's fine; I only have to put up with him for two more days and then I'll be back to working with Uncle Komui," I explained, smiling as his pout became a grin at the mention of the man who had dubbed himself as my children's uncle. "Though, I bet he's gonna work me to the bone when I'm finally placed in his division again…"
If only Komui actually did the work he was supposed to… Ha, fat chance of that ever happening.
Still, it was nice to know that some things never changed.
VWV
The whole time I drove, I literally had to mentally prepare myself for another day at working as the Black Order's Vice Chairman's PA. To be honest, what I really wanted was to just slam my head against the steering wheel. Repeatedly. Until I passed out.
But then I would be late.
It was only my third day, and I now knew for sure that all those rumours of Yu Kanda's notorious temperament and personality hadn't just been jokes or an exaggeration; the man was truly demonic.
Five simple seconds in his company already had me wanting out; out of the room, out of the floor, out of the building, out of anywhere within a five-mile radius of the hell spawn.
I sighed, glancing out through the windshield of my car up at the cloudy sky, wishing that the week would hurry and pass already. Unfortunately for me, the time seemed to be dragging on and on, though that could have something to do with how I'd spent a good portion of the day willing the minute hand on the clock to move faster.
But yesterday… my second day… it'd been horrible.
|l|l|
I smiled fondly as I stepped into the lift, train of thought drifting off somewhere in reminiscence. I'd gotten a decent night's sleep last night thanks to leaving early, and so far, I'd found myself looking forward to what lay ahead.
Yu Kanda didn't really talk all that much, and aside from his obvious detestation of me right from the get-go, there weren't any other problems that I could think of.
So yeah, it was right about then when I'd started thinking that maybe, just maybe, this job would be good for me. It was a change of pace; something to mix things up a bit.
My days had become rather repetitive. Not that I was complaining or anything; it was a good kind of repetitive, nothing at all like how my life once was.
Definitely not. It was nice, calming even, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.
Lenalee, Katie, Mana, and Neah… As long as I had them, I didn't need anything else. Not my colleagues, not my job, not my health, not my happiness. Nothing. Because they were my everything. My world.
And they knew it, too.
They knew me, how I thought, how I acted, my habits, my likes, dislikes; they knew it all. To them, I was an open book. An open book that was reluctant to be read, rejecting the very thought of such a thing with all its being.
Oh well, nothing I could do about it now.
I couldn't help it that they knew of my usual rituals of losing myself in depressive thoughts, and just how clogged up with self-hate and overflowing with negativities my mind really was.
My smile fell, lips now downturned at the corners.
What was I supposed to do when they'd found out all those things about me that I'd never allowed any to know?
They'd torn through my lies and facades countless times already and exposed me for what I really was. Weak. Helpless. A bit of a cry baby.
I'd been upset to have it all revealed, to have them see me, but the world went on, and a little piece of me was put back together again.
Though, I knew I'd never be whole. That was impossible.
And they even knew why.
It wasn't because I'm scared that they'd leave me, nor was it because of my insecurities. Nope, not at all. It was because I knew them, and the lengths they'd go to in trying to help me. But I couldn't have that. I didn'twant to be saved.
And so, right now, the only thing about me that they didn't know -the one thing I flat out refused to let them know- was what I planned on taking with me to the grave.
I couldn't have then realising the extent to which I'd been damaged. I didn't want them to have to waste their precious time worrying over the likes of me; they shouldn't have to deal with that. The burden wasn't theirs to bear.
But I could tell… every second of every hour of every day… I was being dragged deeper… and soon I'd drown, because it was becoming that much harder to breathe. No way would I be lasting that much longer… and in the end, I wouldn't even try to save myself. Living was too difficult… the weight of the world was too heavy.
The four of them still all tried, nonetheless. They really were too kind for their own good. That'd surprised me, honestly, seeing as how most of the humans I'd met before them were all pieces of trash that deserved to rot in a ditch somewhere.
The lift doors soundlessly slid open, revealing the short hallway that lead to the quiet of my temporary office area.
And then that moment of serine silence was broken.
"Moyashi! Get in here!"
Startled, my head whipped towards the source of yelling, and I, completely missing the sudden shift from hardwood flooring to carpet, caught my toe just where the two met, resulting in me being rewarded with a face full of expensive Royal Blue carpet. At least it was soft.
More than a tad put out -and somewhat embarrassed-, I picked myself up from off the floor. At least no one had seen me trip; now I wouldn't die of mortification.
Admittedly, it'd been a bit of a shock to be greeted on only my second day as Yu Kanda's PA with an assault against my ears from his furious-sounding shouts, even moreso considering I'd been lost in my musings at the time, and now had a heart that was beating a mile-a-minute within my chest.
I stand there for another few moments, doing nothing but trying to steady my heat by taking long, deep breaths. Surely I hadn't done anything to anger the volatile man… maybe… God, I hoped not.
And then I frowned.
Did he just… call me 'beansprout'?
"Hurry the fuck up!"
I inwardly winced at the foul language and his tone. His voice held impatience, something that my just standing here was doing nothing to remedy. I barely stopped myself from rushing straight in, slowly entering his office with great hesitance, not quite ready to have my head ripped off just yet.
The second I was spotted, the hellion descended on me, dark eyes flashing dangerously. Seriously though, it was like I was being faced with the devil!
I paled, subconsciously pressing myself against the door -the traitorous thing having somehow closed on its own without my knowledge-, wanting as much space between the two of us as possible. Which was hard to pull off when the other party saw fit to close the gap, moving in on me like a beast stalking its prey. Lord have mercy…
He looked down his nose at me, mouth twisted into an ugly sneer. "Why the fuck did you leave so early yesterday?"
Confused, with my heart feeling like it was in my throat, I swallowed. "B-because you told m-me I could leave when I fini-"
He cut me off, hands slamming against the door either side of my head, expression telling me that he was possibly seconds away from skinning me alive. "Your shift hadn't ended yet!"
I couldn't argue with him; he was the boss, and I needed this job. Stomping down on my pride, I bowed my head. "I understand s-sir, it w-won't happen again." If anything, I'd have to say that I was more angry at myself than anything else; all this stuttering was going to make him see me as just another one of those pushovers…
Well… It was probably too late for that, anyway… I guess I didn't really care anymore… Right now, all I wanted was to be anywhere that wasn't under his glare
"It better not happen again, fucktard," he growled, face inches from my own.
Wringing my hands, I sank a little in my place, ears burning in shame; I'd always hated being scolded.
"Stop fidgeting!"
Hands now clasped behind my back, I lowered my head even more. Why did I ever agree to this? Maybe I was a pushover… So stupid…
I could feel rather than see that his glare had yet to dissipate, even when he pulled back, returning to where his desk sat at the opposite end of the room. I heard the rustling of papers, and raised my head just in time to glimpse him snatch a neat bundle of folders from his desk. He turned back to me, eyes still filled with loathing, and shoved the beige folders into my chest, where I barely managed to avoid dropping them all and making matters worse. Blinking slowly, I stared up at the man, not quite able to understand his actions. "If you finish these, make sure you fucking tell me this time."
Alongside the ever-present fear and sense of foreboding, a smidge of relief welled up in my chest. I nodded furiously, holding the folders in a stiff grip. "Y-yessir!"
It was only later on, when I'd finally sat down at my temporary desk, that my heart began to beat normally again.
|l|l|
That experience had been positively terrifying.
Wasn't there some kind of worker's code ethic thingy that he was violating by acting like that?
I groaned, rubbing at the back of my neck, dreading what was to come.
Putting up with that man was both physically and mentally draining, and I especially wasn't looking forward to today of all days; it was be worse than yesterday, and that was saying something.
VWV
By the time I'd arrived, today's work had already been dumped on my desk, waiting for me.
Ever since yesterday, it'd been easy to tell that he wanted any contact between the two of us to be the bare minimum. The jerk most likely didn't want to deal with putting up with me.
And now, eight hours later, I'd made sure to complete it all, trying hard to motivate myself and scrape together what little courage I had, praying it would be enough to get me through this.
C'mon… I can do this…
It was just a door… A big… imposing door…
I can do this…
Was that mahogany? The colour was actually quite nice… not cherry, but close…
I CAN DO THIS GODDAMN IT!
I finally forced myself into pushing up from the desk, folders in hand, taking slow, deliberate steps towards my boss's office door -which was definitely not cherry-, hoping to delay what I knew to be inevitable. I then proceeded to stand there for about five minutes in which I may or may not have been muttering to myself like a complete and utter nutter
"Are you gonna fucking stand there all day? Either get your ass in here, or get back to work, dipshit."
I really don't know how he'd known I was here, and I didn't bother questioning it, either. And I really didn't want to open that door. But I did.
His glare was on me the second I entered, making my pulse race. "Well?"
I quickly scurried over, handing over the folders. "I'm d-done, sir." God, could I sound any more pathetic?
He took them wordlessly, eyes still on me, waiting for me to continue.
Hands now clasped together behind my back, I drew myself up to my full height -which, let's face it, when compared to him, wasn't much-, whishing I could just leave already. "I-I have to go now."
He didn't speak, choosing instead to simply watch me with those sharp eyes of his, mouth set in a firm line, eyebrows pulled together, almost like what I was saying was something he couldn't fully comprehend.
"Y-you see… I have to leave earlier on Thursdays. Komui allowed it because I told him straight out what hours I could work when I was hired," I tried, desperate to keep up this gentlemanly mask of mine, which became hard to do when my boss scoffed.
He leaned back in his chair, exuding arrogance. "Moyashi, I don't give a fuck about what you did with that idiot. You're my PA, so you do what I say. Why should I care if you have somewhere to be? Reschedule. If you can't handle it, then quit."
At his words, I could almost feel my mask crack. I will not strangle him… I will not strangle him… "But I have things t-"
"Stop arguing and get back to your desk."
Gritting my teeth, I tried again. "I nee-"
"I said no, Moyashi!" Yu Kanda growled tersely, eyes blazing.
Then I snapped. Why did I have to take this?! Didn't I have enough shit to deal with?!
"Now listen 'ere, ya tosser; both of us only 'ave ter put up with this for one more day, then, 'opefully, we'll never see each other again." My hands had migrated from behind my back, to now at my hips, and I felt like I was in the midst of scolding a child. A bratty, douche of a child in the form of a twenty-four-year-old man. "So ya can just shut it with yer shit, an' learn some patience while yer at it, gaddamn pillock. Maybe ya could even learn ta not be such of an arse?" I was really glaring by this point, though maybe 'sneering' would be a better word choice… "An' m'name is Allen, not 'Moyashi'. Though I guess a five-letter name is too 'ard for someone as daft as yerself ta remember, eh, Ba-Kan-da?"
When his mouth fell open, I nearly laughed out loud at how stupid he looked. The smug bastard had really pissed me off, and boy did I feel good about myself right now.
"Wha'? Is yer pea-sized brain 'avin' a problem keepin' up with wha' it is I'm sayin'?" I huffed, tucking some loose stands of white hair behind my ear. "Blimey, ya piss me orf, ya know that, don'tcha?"
I expected him to speak up, to do something, but he didn't. He just sat there with eyebrows raised, remaining quiet.
I frowned, put off by his lack of reaction. And then my head cleared.
Like as if the air had been knocked from my lungs, I couldn't breathe. "I-I mean…" Panicking, I stepped back, horrified with what I'd said. "Oh god- I am… so sorry!" I hastily bowed, covered over in a cold sweat. "P-please don't f-fire me! This won't happen again, I swear!"
For the moment, there was silence. He didn't speak, I didn't speak, just… nothing.
So that's why when he stood and strode right on over to where I was, his larger form looming over me, I had to bite down on my lower lip to stop myself from having a panic attack right then and there.
"Be here early tomorrow."
He left through the door I'd entered, and the second he was out of sight, my legs collapsed out from under me, leaving me dazedly staring at his orderly office desk.
VWV
I blame the lateness of this chapter on lack of incentive. But hey, at least it's here! Yay! Now I can go get some sleep! FINALLY!
And look at how happy everyone is~
*edit* - Apparently going to the hospital made me want to type again.