The first time Jane touches her, Maura thinks she will explode. She thinks she will pass out, or worse, embarrass herself and come before Jane even really begins.

"Breathe," Jane says against her ear. Maura feels her lips curl into a smile. "Breathe, Maura. If you tell me to stop I promise I-"

"No! God, no. Don't stop," she says before she can stop herself.

Jane chuckles. "Okay," she says. "Message received."

Maura blushes, but she can't help moaning. Jane kisses her jaw, and then her neck, and between this and the hand between her legs, insistent, she is closer to orgasm faster than she ever has been.

"I'm so close," she says breathlessly. "I - God - Jane!"

Jane has shifted so that she is half on top of her, hips grinding against Maura's leg in time with her fingers. "Is it good? Is it okay?"

Maura nods, moaning agains as Jane's fingers slip inside of her. "Don't stop," she says, dimly aware that she's repeating herself. She pulls Jane closer by the shoulder blades. "Don't stop. I'm - Oh, God - I'm going to have-"

That's as far as she gets.

Her climax washes over her like a wave. It is raining fireworks behind her eyelids, and though she can hear Jane talking to her, the sound is coming from a long way off.

Someone is humming. It takes her a long, languid moment to realize that it is her. She is humming quietly, the remnants of her release slipping from her body.

Jane rolls them over, pulling Maura snugly against her.

"That felt so…good," Maura says dreamily.

Jane rumbles with laughter. "Good!" She says. "I hope so."

But Maura props herself up on her elbow, shaking her head. "No," she says. "That's not accurate. It felt better than that. It felt…deeper than that." she stops herself, but Jane is just looking at her with her usual half smile. Her own eyes are still dark with desire.

Maura shivers. "It felt right," she says finally, blushing at her confession.

But Jane pushes up to kiss her softly.

"I know," she says, pulling Maura down so that she can cover them both with the sheet. "Me too."

…

…

The car ride to the courthouse is silent and tense. Angels sits in the backseat, after Jane holds the passenger door open and gestures that Maura should get in.

Maura hesitates, but ultimately settles in next to Jane, trying to make herself breathe normally. Trying to focus on the task ahead, already overwhelmingly daunting before this new development.

Jane, it seems, is thinking along the same lines. "Don't be nervous," she says softly, breaking the mood like a taut rubberband. "We went over what they're likely to ask you, right?"

Maura nods, turning to looks at Jane. The detective has her eyes fixed on the road, but when she feels Maura's gaze she glances at her, and smiles briefly.

In the back of the car, Angela makes a soft sound, like 'pfft.'

"And I know you said you don't think seeing him will have a major effect on you, but it's okay if it does. You know?"

Maura nods again. She feels like she is in the twilight zone, in an alternate reality where things happen to her, but she can't really feel them.

It feels like hours, and like no time at all before they arrive at the courthouse. Jane has had her badge back for almost two full months, and all of the security guards and cops that they pass in the halls either tip their hats respectfully or nod, eyes cast downward.

Outside the courtroom, Jane holds Maura back, telling Angela to go inside and save her a place. Angela looks at Maura for a long moment before saying, "good luck," in a way that might imply the opposite.

Jane waits until the door shuts to put her hand on Maura's cheek. "You okay?"

"I'm okay," Maura says, hearing how monotone she sounds.

"You don't look okay," Jane says softly. "Maura, look at me."

It is hard for the doctor to do so, and then once she does, it is hard for her to do anything else. Before she can regain control of any of her faculties, they are kissing.

Jane is kissing her, gentle and comforting, and Maura just wants to stay wrapped up in this blanket feeling of protectiveness for the rest of her life.

"You're amazing," Jane says. "You're going to be amazing. Fairfield's worst nightmare."

Maura smiles.

The sensation of Jane's lips on hers carries her all the way up to the stand.

Then she blinks. And blinks again. And there is Garrett, staring at her with both malice and smug confidence.

"Doctor Isles," the prosecution is addressing her. "Were you aware that your husband was cheating on you?"

…

…

Jane has a scar on the palm of each hand, and a matching one on the back. Maura discovers this one morning, lying next to the brunette in bed. She takes one of Jane's hands in both of her own, and is surprised to feel the little bump there.

She is surprised that she has not noticed it before now.

"How did this happen?" she asks, looking up to see Jane watching her intently. She turns Jane's hand over, and her frown deepens. "This was serious," she murmurs.

"And, Doctor Isles, you never even suspected that Mr. Fairfield might have had a hand in killing his brother? It never even crossed your mind?"

Jane lets her look and feel for as long as she likes. She hands Maura her smart phone, the story pulled up for her to read. She kisses Maura's temple when she cries.

"My darling," Maura says against Jane's shoulder. "I can't even imagine."

Jane's hands are now rubbing up and down her back, just her fingertips touching Maura's skin, like she's suddenly ashamed to put the full weight of her hands down.

"It was a while ago," she says, her voice dropping low in a way that Maura is beginning to recognize as a precursor to tears. "They don't hurt as much…anymore."

"And you weren't leaving Mr. Fairfield because of his infidelity, were you, Doctor? Can you please state for the court why you were filing for divorce from the defendant?"

"I…don't like to really…talk about it." Jane looks away from her, jaw set against emotions she doesn't want to let out. "It wasn't…I was young and…I paid the price for pride. I-"

But Maura sits up and pulls one of Jane's hands to her lips, kissing the palm, and then the tender skin of her wrist, up her forearm to her elbow. "You don't have to talk about it now," she says between her kisses. "We have time. You can just let it happen when it happens."

She presses her lips to Jane's shoulder, feeling the liquid way she relaxes at the touch. When Maura reaches her neck, Jane is breathing fast, one hand tugging Maura closer by her tank top, the other playing with the hem of her lounge pants.

"You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time," Jane says. "Maura. Kiss me."

Maura thinks that if this is what it truly means to be in a relationship, then she has been missing out on everything.

"Thank you, Doctor Isles. You may step down."

Maura does so, in a daze. She is living in a double world, seeing Garrett's angry face and Jane's kind, supportive one, like the split screen of a television.

She folds herself into Jane's arms the moment they are back in the hall, her resolve to let the Detective go crumbling the minute they are close to each other.

"I've been horrible," she says into the lapel of Jane's jacket. "What have I done?"

Jane's arm around her shoulder tightens. "Let's go home," she says.

Maura doesn't protest.

…

They drive home in silence, and when they get to Jane's apartment, they sit together on the couch in silence for a long time.

Maura is trying desperately to think of something to say that won't sound self-serving.

"We can talk about it," she says. "The events of today are not as important as any questions you might have."

Jane doesn't answer. She is leaning forward, her elbows on her knees, and she has a look on her face that Maura has come to associate with deep, deep thoughts.

"Jane-"

"You knew I was pregnant?" She speaks out of nowhere, her voice deep and hesitant, like she doesn't really want to start this conversation.

"Yes," Maura says. She is determined to answer any question about this that Jane asks her. She will not cry and she will not sidestep. She will answer, and she will take whatever consequences come.

"Since before we really met," Jane says. "You knew?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I…don't know," Maura says, folding her hands together. "I didn't want you to think I was prying into your business. And then, it had been so long that it seemed worse to bring it up than to just, go on as we were. And then…"

And then you were mine. Mine and in my arms and I just couldn't risk losing you.

"But you didn't tell my Ma," Jane states this like a fact, but Maura answers anyway.

"No. It wasn't my place to tell her. And…I didn't want to betray your trust. I don't know how much of my conversation with Angela you overheard, but I meant it when I said that if you wanted to talk about it, you would have told her…or me."

Jane dips her head a little, her hair falling through her face. Maura wishes she could still see the other woman's expression. She does so much better at understanding Jane when she can see her eyes. She doesn't reach out and touch her though. She isn't sure she still has that right.

Suddenly Jane stands and heads to the bookshelf. Maura watches as she pulls down a familiar book, flipping it open.

Maura wants to say her name, wants to stop her from showing her what she knows is coming, but she can't make herself do anything.

Jane plops down on the couch next to Maura again. "This is…this a sonogram of the baby I was going to have," she says, her voice catching the tiniest bit.

This is obvious to Maura, but she doesn't say anything in return. She thinks that Jane might not have ever said aloud before that she was going to have a baby.

Jane holds the picture out to her with a shaking hand, and after a glance into her face, Maura takes it, holding gently around the edges.

"Beautiful," she says quietly.

Jane blinks a couple times. "It's – um – the last one I had before I lost…" she clears her throat. Maura clenches her jaw, trying to keep the tears at bay. She nods.

"Can you tell if, I mean…I know that doctors aren't supposed to say what the gender is before it's really obvious. But…" she swallows hard, and her eyes shift to look at the little sonogram in Maura's hands.

"Can you tell?" she asks finally. "Can you…make a – like, what is it – an educated guess?"

Maura holds in a sob. Three more weeks. Just 21 more days, probably even less, and she'd be able to answer this question the way she longs to.

"I'm so sorry," she says shakily. "It's too soon." Her voice breaks on the last word.

Jane nods, still looking down at her hands. "Okay," she says, and she reaches out for the picture, tucking it safely back into the book.

"I'm-"

"It's okay," Jane says quickly. She she puts the book on the coffee table and sits back, not looking at Maura. Her eyes are shiny, but tears haven't spilled over.

"I came out to my family eight years ago," Jane says, still looking downward. "I'd…met a girl, named Kira. She was a firefighter, maybe still is…I'm not sure."

Maura has turned to look at Jane's profile. She wants to reach out, to touch the other woman the way she has so many times before on this couch. But she can't make herself.

"My parents hit the ceiling. Well, my dad did. My mom just cried."

Maura wonders what her mother would say, if she knew of Maura's new relationship. Or what her father would say, were he still living.

"But…you know…I had Mat - that's what she went by, her last name was Matthews - I had Mat and nothing else seemed to matter. It was one of the most liberating things I think I've ever done."

"I'm glad." Maura can think of nothing else to say. It feels like a horribly out of place response in the face of such confession.

"We broke up," Jane says, "About two years ago, and it was like I was sixteen all over again, you know?"

"Yes," Maura says. She has felt that way around Jane.

"It was so hard. I felt like I'd lost my first love. But a thousand times worse. And to top it off, my Ma was happy," Jane scoffs. Her eyes have gone far away.

"She kept pushing these men at me. And I kept dating women I knew were wrong, just to spite her. Just to show her, like, 'I can ruin my life way more than you can.'"

She looks at Maura to see if she's following, and Maura nods, hoping she looks encouraging. This is the most that Jane has said to her since she walked in on her and Angela fighting, and it might be the longest she's ever spoken about herself and her past.

"And then, my mom hooked me up with this guy…Casey." Jane shakes her head. "We were…sort of together in high school. He was a jock, but he didn't care that I was into sports too."

Jane wrings her hands. "Anyway. He's in the army, so he wasn't around a lot. But every time he was, my mom would push us and push us together, and finally I was like…fine. Okay."

Jane's head drops to her hands. She takes a deep breath. "Sleeping with him felt like the worst betrayal…to both of us," she says softly. "I told him the next day that we weren't going to be a couple…but karma is kind of a bitch. I found out I was pregnant a month later."

And at last, Maura has her answers. When they first began seeing each other romantically, Maura would sometimes wish that they'd met some other way. Any other way.

"I don't believe in karma," she says quietly, though she cannot explain the horrible irony that has allowed her to find a woman she could fall in love with, yet make the circumstances completely unworkable.

"I…was looking forward to being a mother." Jane says it so quietly and tentatively that Maura is not sure she's heard. When she does process the words, she cannot help the tears that leak out of the corners of her eyes.

She has to admit to herself, finally, that the awful thing that brought them together, would also be the thing that keeps them apart.

"You would have been a wonderful mother," she says, and the break in her voice makes Jane look around at her.

"Oh," she says, and her tone is not one of shock, but of dismay. "Maura," she reaches out her hands to the doctor. They are still shaking. "Don't cry," she says. "Please don't cry."

Maura gets to her feet. She cannot stay here, no matter how much she might want to. She cannot offer to comfort the woman that she has robbed, and she cannot stay and be comforted. It is wrong on so many levels.

"I think I should go," she says, past the vice that has closed around her throat. "I think I should…give you time?"

Jane stands too. "Time for what?" she asks, looking genuinely perplexed.

"To…decide how you feel," Maura says, and she almost starts to cry again when Jane's face falls.

Tell me you want me to stay. It is all she wants to hear in the world. Ask me to stay.

"Can I see you again? After this?"

Maura shuts her eyes for a long moment, so she doesn't have to see Jane's expression. The hope and the love that she doesn't deserve.

"Yes," she says. "Of course. If you want to."

Jane steps up to her. She takes her hand. "I meant what I said today, Maura. You were amazing on the stand. Fairfield's worst nightmare."

Maura shakes her head jerkily. This is what she didn't want.

Jane, comforting her despite the fact that she is the reason for all of the detective's pain. She pulls her hand away gently and heads to the door.

"Maura," Jane's voice makes her turn back, even though she knows she shouldn't.

"How can you look at me?" She asks before she can stop herself. "How can you just stand there and look at me and think that you, that you care about me, when I'm the one who took away your opportunity to be a mother?"

Jane's eyes widen at her outburst.

Maura hadn't meant to speak so loudly, but she cannot help herself. "How can you look at me, knowing I knew, and didn't say anything, and then just…allowed myself to get close to you. Allowed you possibly begin to care about me? How can you just stand there and comfort me! I should be the one comforting you. I don't deserve to comfort you. I…God."

The emotions flitting across Jane's face are moving too quickly for Maura to interpret them, and so she turns away and assumes the worst, pulling the door to the hall open.

"I'm sorry," she says, crying hard, stumbling over the words. "I'm sorry. I'm going."

"Maura," Jane's voice is strained. "Please don't-"

"No!" Maura says, shoving her hand, palm out, back at Jane. "Please don't. Thank you for everything you did for me today. Every day. I could not have made it through this without you. I…Thank you."

"Maura-"

But the doctor does not allow herself to turn, not even when Jane says her name again, sounding slightly desperate and near tears herself. She hurries down the hall to the stairwell, and descends them so quickly that holding onto the railing is the only reason she doesn't fall.

In the car, in the parking lot, Maura calls Aisha.

"Dr. Hamilton."

"Aisha."

"Maura. Where are you? Is it the trial? What happened?" Aisha's concern makes her sound harsh, just like Maura's does. It is one of the reasons she liked her, in the beginning.

Now it makes Maura cry harder. "She found out," is all she can say.

There is a brief pause. "Where are you?"

"In my car."

"Where is your car, honey?"

Maura sniffs, looking around as though her car might have moved itself in the last few minutes. "Jane's apartment."

"Okay." Aisha breathes out. "Okay. Can you get home? It's not far, right?"

Maura nods, then remembers Aisha can't see her. "Yes," she says. "Yes. I can get home. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Stop," Aisha cuts her off. "I'm already on my way to your house. I'll meet you there, okay?"

Maura looks up through her sunroof as new tears come to her eyes. Is she the type of person that deserves a friend like this?

"Maura, you still there?"

"I'm here."

"Okay," Aisha says. "Come home. I'll be there when you arrive."

"Thank you," Maura whispers. And after disconnecting the call, the turns the key in the ignition and pulls out of the parking lot.

She doesn't look over her shoulder at the apartment building as it shrinks in her rearview mirror, and she doesn't allow herself to think about the possibility that she will never go there again.

She definitely doesn't think about Jane, and the way her face had looked as she handed the sonogram to Maura.

Her phone buzzes on the passenger seat, two short, one long.

Jane's programmed buzz.

Maura looks at it, just to be sure, and then she takes a deep, steadying breath.

And turns her cell phone off.