Okay so this one's a definite M, like it's literally 2,000 words of smut, it's descriptive by my standards, but I've never written a lemon before so approach with caution. Also my computer's motherboard got fried...I'm so sorry for the massive wait...pls forgive me and i sincerely hope you enjoy...

Jace watched her as she emerged from the steaming en suite in a grey misting haze. Her coy gaze eyed him as she walked towards the bed, where he currently sat in a fresh t-shirt and jeans. Her lips pursed, that little thing he'd come to recently notice she did…especially when she was thinking hard. He hated it just as much as he loved it, because the temptation to kiss those lips was so strong he had to remind himself that he really shouldn't.

It never really curbed his…appetite…so to speak.

"You never joined me…" Red said as her long red locks fell over her shoulder. He was trying to actively not look at her body but the exclusively towel clad skin drew his eyes along its entire surface.

It was strange how beautiful she was…like every time he saw her was the first time and between each of those times his mental imagery could never quite hold up to the lustre of the real thing. Like the way a photo was never as good as the place itself. Red was…she was…she was… taking that towel off.

"RED!" he shouted before he could stop himself because god he wanted to have sex with her but there was something he had to remember, something about her dad, and he couldn't think right now and-shit she was doing it again! "Red! I-why are you taking your clothes off?"

Over her shoulder Jace could just see the glint off innocent green in her eyes as she turned so her back was towards him. "Well," she started. "I just thought that I was really dirty when I offered the tub and you had a thing against dirt so…we could just do it here…since I'm clean now…" Jace wanted to stand up and caress the visible skin of her shoulder blades as her words trailed off. He wanted to explore the fading bruises on her legs, lightly brush his knuckles across the smoothness of her stomach…and that's when it hit him.

"Red…how old are you?"

He saw her shiver and then she looked back bashfully…almost embarrassed. "I'm 17…how old are you?" her tone was hesitant and innocent…god so innocent. And he hated himself for loving it.

"Not young enough." He felt guilty for everything he'd ever felt for her. He was an adult and she wasn't even… He should look at her like she was a sister…or a young cousin, maybe even a niece. He was 23 god dammit! And yet when she turned around suddenly he secretly wished the towel would accidentally fall down and he hated himself even more. He was honestly a despicable human being. She deserved someone so much better than him.

Red stalked over to him, 1, 2, 3 steps, until she was across the room and standing in front of him with that determined look in her eyes and a little comma indented in the shine of her forehead. "Don't you dare" she growled out because nothing ever goes as expected with her and of course she wouldn't be as defeated as he thought she would. "Don't you dare use this against yourself to hate yourself even more than you already do. You're fucking hot. And I'm attracted to you. And I know that you're attracted to me too…I mean the incident in the car proves that! I don't understand," at this she grabbed his face and pulled him close so her forehead touched hers, a gesture of strange intimacy that he would never admit he cherished, and her voice fell into that gritty rough state that sounded like she just woke up. "What makes this any different from that."

Jace didn't respond at first. He didn't say that he knew exactly what she was doing to herself, how this was different because this wasn't just fun, in-the-moment shit. He didn't tell her that this was more because he didn't want her first time to be some meaningless fuck in his sheets, and that that was all he knew how to do.

But most of all he didn't tell her that the lack of physical affection in her life is seeping through in her overwhelming desire for touch now, and that all he wanted was to be loved and that her innocence was the closest thing he could get to it.

So he said nothing, and abandoned the fear of the consequential guilt he knew he would feel, and then touched his lips to hers as all hell broke loose.

But that kind of chaos was the very bittersweet kind.

Clary was nervous. It's not every time that it's your first time, but god did she want that time to be now. When Jace kissed her it was like tasting freedom, like driving under a streetlamp in the middle of the night and basking in the flood of light bestowed upon her until she entered into the darkness again.

Jace was the sun...and she was ready and willing to burn in his heat.

Clary held her lips to his as he pulled her onto his lap, not without her cooperation of course, and his tongue shifted to press against her own. She gasped, and he expertly used the opportunity to lay claim to her mouth. Their tongues danced as his hands ran over every inch of uncovered skin on her body, lighting fire to her skin. Jace picked her up and threw her over his shoulder onto the bed behind them, her towel almost undoing before she clasped it closer to her chest. He stood by the foot of the bed, knees pressed against it as he steadied himself and looked down upon her. There was a tilt to his head, and darkness in his eyes that she'd never seen before.

It made her feel...excited.

He braced himself by falling onto his hands, crawling towards her slowly, sensually, finally stopping at her knees. One of his hands reached up and tugged, gently, on her towel. She shook her head no before reaching down and tugging at his shirt, the gesture clearly meaning-

"Me first, I guess," Jace rumbled. His voice was lower, huskier...it made her knees weak. He reached over his shoulder and grasped at the shirt near the nape of his neck, tugging the shirt off and throwing it to the side of the room. His hair was ruffled and his eyes dark, the muscles beneath his skin rippling as he leaned down again and kissed the inside of her knee, then her thigh. She pulled him to her mouth before he went any higher, kissing him sweetly on his perfect lips. "I take it you're a virgin..." he started and Clary nodded slowly. He heaved out a breath and dropped his head to rest against her collarbones. She could feel his heartbeat ripple from where her fingers rested on his neck. He stayed silent for a while, and all of Clary's old insecurities crept back to smother her heart, along with her confidence. Was she ugly? No she didn't think so, and if Jace's heated skin and heartbeat meant anything, it was surely that he wanted to be here. So what was it? Was she under his expectations? Was her inexperienced movements turning him off?

"Is that...a bad thing?" she asked.

Jace's head whipped up to stare into her eyes, his morphing into a deep brown, amber-ish colour, that was darkening with lust. "What?" he breathed out.

"Is being a virgin a turn off?" she tried to hide the doubt and hesitation in her features, but Jace was a trained assassin. He read her too well.

His laugh was breathy and filled with the sounds of hollowed earth, deep and rough. "God no, Red...I just..." She arced an eyebrow as he pulled himself on top of her, chest to chest. She could feel the weight of all his muscle on her body, sense every breath he took as the hardness of his chest brushed against her clothed nipples. God...oh god, this is what heaven and hell felt like all wrapped into one. Temptation yet innocence, darkness slowly tainting the light. "Red...I just keep thinking about," Jace swallowed and pressed his face into her neck, nipping at the soft skin there with a sigh. "I keep thinking about how...tight you're going to be...how warm you'll feel wrapped around me...and Red. Red, I want this more than I want to breathe. I want to swallow you whole..."

Clary pulled his face up to her, kissing him sweet and light on the lips, a kiss not meant for the raunchy things they both were thinking about doing to the other. When she pulled back there was a sensual glint below her lowered eyelids, and her voice was low and raw "Then do it." Their next kiss was everything opposite of sweet. His tongue claimed her mouth, his hands roamed her towel clad body. She wrapped her hands around his biceps as he shifted them closer together, moving his beautiful tongue and teeth to her neck where he bit at her pulse point. She cried out in pleasure at the little sting it brought, the sensation shooting low into her body, pooling in her abdomen. Jace's laugh had a serrated edge, the vibrations feeling as though he was laughing against her entire body. He bit again at the junction of her neck and shoulder. She moaned again, lower and even rougher until he kissed the same spot, soothing it with his tongue. "My god," Jace murmured into her skin. "You like it rough..."

The sentence brought a wave of tingles down her spine, and suddenly the towel was too hot, she needed Jace's skin against hers, his body folded into her heat. She unbuttoned his pants as he tried to regain breath, the realization of her...kink proving too much for him to handle. "You like it when I bite you..." he whispered.

"Yes," Clary confirmed as she pushed his jeans over his hips. "Now help me get these off..." Snapping out of his daze Jace reached down and tugged at his pants, briefs coming down with them, surprising Clary enough that she looked away before she could see anything. "Wow!" She exclaimed and placed her hands on Jace's shoulders as he threw his clothes across the room into a heap. "I wasn't ready..." she swallowed. "For that..."

She stared at Jace's smug smirk when she turned around, not daring to look down just yet. "I know," Jace drawled..."I am spectacular, no doubt, but I'm not that spectacular, Red."

She huffed and felt a burning blush creep towards her face. "I just...I've never, ah, seen one..." she cringed. Mentally the voice who she hadn't been missing earlier chimed in.

Get a hold of yourself.

I thought you said you weren't a helpless girl anymore. Confidence is key remember...

Jace won't like your petty insecurities.

When Jace laughed his deep, rough laugh she thought maybe that was right. He didn't care for dealing with her shy awkward side. But Jace just pushed forward on his knees and kissed the tip of her nose. "My god, Red...you are by far the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life..."

Cute?

Cute?! She didn't want to be cute! She wanted to be sexy! Beautiful! So she looked down. Her gaze passed his broad golden shoulders, sloping neck, and lean, agile waist. His abbs glistened with the smallest amount of sweat, his hipbones jutting out in V's...and a small trail of golden hair that led to-

My God...

Clary's eyes darkened as she took in his...member...hard and just as tanned as the rest of him, looking like marble that had morphed into skin. And big, so big that Clary was genuinely worried if he would rip her in half.

"Your turn..." Jace whispered heavily and drew her attention back to his face. She licked her lips as if that would satisfy her want to touch him, embrace him...taste him. But fair was fair. Slowly Clary unwrapped her towel, clutching both sides so nothing would show except for a slit of exposed belly. She counted to three before throwing the towel away, leaving herself bare and vulnerable in front of him. He stared at her in wonder and lust...lots of lust, as he appraised her full but smaller breasts and toned stomach, scarred legs and marred arms. Faded bruises layered her skin, making her look faintly sick, and Clary couldn't help but wonder if they repulsed him as much as they did her.

He touched one of them, a particularly large splotch painting the flesh of her ribs a diluted yellow and purple, before bending to kiss it. She let out a sigh and welcomed the relief it brought. Like her skin could feel that someone cared about it. "These are all so beautiful..." he whispered and looked up from beneath his eyelashes at her. The sight of him bent to her stomach re-ignited the lust festering in her abdomen.

What? Beautiful?

"No..." her voice cracked and she cleared her throat before trying again. "They're really not." her laugh held no humor and he joined with her.

"They're a part of you Red," honesty shined in his eyes as the stared into hers, a depth she hadn't ever encountered before in her life. "That's why they're beautiful." He bent even further down to kiss another bruises splattered across her waist, pushing lightly on her shoulders to get her to lay a moment she felt so normal...he was kissing away all of her darkness...

All of the pain

Kissing away her past as he kissed at every single bruise. His lips sought one out on her thigh which made her cry out in surprise. He swiped his tongue across it making her moan, sucked it so it became an even darker mark. When he kissed one on the inside of her knee...the flames between them lit again. Something in his eyes shifted...the depth was gone, and replacing it came a dark kind of lust, one that did not make her feel normal, but made her feel excepted in this world of darkness and chaos. His tongue dragged across her knee, up along the inside of her thigh, teasing her with its gentle swipes until he went to sooth the burning at the apex of her thighs.

He kissed her where she needed him the most.

With a cry Clary shoved her hands into his hair, keeping his mouth clamped onto her. She felt his smile against her, the vibrations of his laugh doing things she could have never imagined to her nerves. His tongue was this glorious machine of a muscle, experienced and well practiced, working her until she could swear her nails left crescent shaped cuts in the back of Jace's skull. There was this something building inside her, this wave of pleasure that she knew came crashing down very fast. But she didn't want this to be over. Not yet. She pulled Jace's lips away, as hard as it was, and tasted herself on his lips when she kissed him. "I don't want to end this now..." she breathed.

With wild eyes and a beating heart Jace swallowed and nodded his head. "Yah. I agree...but Red, just because you come once...doesn't mean you can't come again." He smiled and kissed her while she gasped in shock, pulling her up so she sat almost on his lap. She pulled away and looked down.

Licked her lips. Closed her eyes.

Ask him!

"C-Can I touch you...?" she murmured, eyes down. She could almost hear his swallow.

"Yes."

Their eyes met before she reached down and grasped what she could of him in her small pale hand, his browned skin even more tanned against her paler. He felt hot and heavy, like marbled skin and silk, beautiful. "Do I just..." she licked her lips and pulled her eyes from his length to his face, intending to ask him what to do but forgetting when she saw his expression. It was almost as if he were in pain, breath erratic and lips opened wide. She stroked her thumb lightly along the underside of him and watched as his features morphed into pure pleasure.

Looks like Movement is key, huh?

She slowly moved her lightly fisted hand up and down on him, watching as his head tipped back and his eyes squeezed shut. A guttural moan slipped from deep in his throat. She saw his adams apple bob as he swallowed and felt his hand clutch the sheets around them. "Harder," he groaned, "And, faster..." She followed his requests, squeezing her small fist around him and moving her hand faster. The effect was instantaneous as he arced his back and cried out. She faltered for a second, not knowing if that was good, before he groaned again. "More, Red, please."

Clary moved her fist, moving her gaze from his Jace to his length as he panted. "Oh Red, this i-is better-r than I-I ever imagined." That sent a new fire into her bones. a confident one. God...she wanted to please him so badly. She looked down at him, the tip of his erection pointed straight at her. She wanted to kiss him where he wanted her the most, just like he did for her. So she leant down and did just so.

Jace pushed her away with a cry. "Red! You can't just do that..." he gazed into her eyes.

"Why?" She felt silly, like a little girl, like he knew some secret she didn't...

But he definitely does know things you don't...

But Jace just laughed. "We'll get to that another time," he whispered into her ear and pulled her down onto the sheets. Licked his lips. Kissed her, ran his hands to her chest and palmed her breast. "Do you really want to do this," he said, reaching over into his side table and pulling something circular and rubbery from the drawer. She nodded, words failing her...she was going to have sex.

"Red..." he stroked her hair from her eyes, pushing it behind her ear and caressing her cheek. "I don't know... I'm not...I think I'm-"

She connected her eyes to his and kissed him, hard. "We'll get to that another time."

He nodded shakily and moved to her entrance. She thought she heard him whisper something in her ear about 'fast like a bandaid' and then suddenly, with a ripping pain he was inside her. She cried out and clutched at his shoulders. "Sorry...sorry" he murmured, soothing her hair back. "Just tell me when to move. She wanted to wait until the ache disappeared completely but Jace was sweating bullets.

"You can move..." And when he did it hurt...a lot...but that pain faded into this great kind of fullness that she didn't know could bring pleasure. As Jace rocked his hips against hers she moaned, moving against him, gasping when the pleasure increased tenfold. "Oh god..." she groaned. "Jace...harder..." He breathed raggedly in her ear, moving his hips quicker, hitting this spot deep inside her with each thrust.

"Red..." he groaned. She moaned back in response. "Red...I think I-I think I might-" She cut him off with a cry. The wave was rising inside of her, and she wanted it to break against the shore. She pushed

Jace to his back and moved faster on top of him, making him cry out her name...

Your nickname...

"Red!" He clutched at her waist, helping her bounce up and down. She could feel that wave of pleasure about to crest and she leaned down to whisper in his ear before she came.

"My name is Clary...Clarisssa."

She didn't see the look of shock on his face as she closed her eyes with her orgasm, arcing back...didn't see the regret on Jace's face as he came beneath her.

Clary lay in the bed, tangled sheets strewn around her and Jace as she woke up. He was stiff, even in his sleep, and she looked down upon him.

Not again.

She could trust Jace.

Not again.

She told him her name, he wouldn't hurt her.

You don't even know his middle name...

She could trust him. Clary tucked her head against Jace's bare chest trying to stuff down her lingering doubt.

Because it was true...she didn't know him.

What have you done to us?! her mind screamed at her, wailed with fresh pain and regret. "No," She murmured. "I control me, not you. I can trust Jace."

The voice in her head was hers...and it wouldn't interupt Clary's judgement anymore. It seemed as if Clary had flicked a switch. The constant murmur in her mind ceased. There was nothing. Only...could it be? Yes...

There was silence.