Thank you to all followers, favouriters, and reviewers! I seriously love each word you take the time to write and I'm happy to see you're still here! Thank you BookNinja46 for pointing out that mistake I made...it's fixed now. And can i just say hello again to all of you. I think I may be in love with each and every one of you guys, maybe, probably. Anyways I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as the last one ;)

It was dawn when Jace woke up to the silence of his apartment and an empty bed. Red- no- Clarissa was gone and left no trace of the previous nights events save the crumpled duvet resting beside him. Maybe for the better. He stretched as he got out of bed, pulled on some sweat pants before walking into his kitchen. The redhead sat at his dining table there, in one of his shirt's, reading a copy of A Tale Of Two Cities and sipping from a steaming mug. Not gone then. Relocated. She looked up as Jace walked in.

"Hi," she spoke delicately, as if Jace was a wild animal. Maybe she thought of him a lion, something that could rip her apart and eat her alive. "I made you coffee..." she drawled and leaned back to show him another steaming mug resting in front of the chair to her left. She giggled when he slumped down and gratefully gulped the brew.

Not a lion then. Maybe to her he was just a kitten she liked to play with. "Thanks, Red" he murmured out of habit. He hadn't forgotten. No. She'd told him his name as she was bouncing on top of him, hair as wild as fire and dancing in the air, skin pale as parchment riddled with ink. He remembered with the utmost clarity. But he wanted to forget.

He wanted to forget just as much as he wanted to remember, and that equation moved him no closer to an answer of what to do.

"I'm meeting with the Lightwood's today," Jace mumbled while looking away from her intelligent gaze. She was trying to figure him out again. Trying to narrow her green eyes to slits and see into his soul, like she could get past the darkness around it. She was a seductress of the most innocent nature, her intrigue was his despair. "I'll be back by noon."

And he pulled on a shirt before walking out the door.

Clary watched him walk away, slightly confused at how he was acting but over-all relieved that for once she could look at him without the voice in her head telling her she couldn't trust him.

Of course she could.

He was Jace.

She fiddled around with her book until around 10 o'clock... finished it and placed it delicately back on Jace's sidetable in the living room. She hugged his shirt closer to her body as she gazed onto the foggy New York skyline. As relieving and liberating as the silence was, Clary felt more lonely than ever. Her hair hung in curtains around her face as she turned to look behind her. No one. Why was it that nobody was ever around? That the people she cared about always left her.

Was this what hell would feel like if it were real? Something just shy of happiness that pulls you even deeper into sadness when you realize that joy is unattainable? Something that teases you with intimate moments and lingering glances and perilous attempts at love? As Clary stared into the golden haze of skyscrapers a tear, just as solitary and lonely as her, explored her cheek. It mapped the curvature as it roamed the skin there, a single geographer looking for treasure it would never know.

A scuffle sounded behind her, something muffled and then a loud thud. Clary turned around to see Nichi standing where A Tale Of Two Cities was, his tale swishing mischievously as he looked from the book to Clary and back to the book again. A smile crept onto her face.

What a rascal.

And a bastard.

Bastard cat.

Clary moved to the couch and flipped on the T.V. trying to dull the roaring silence in her head. It was eerie and strange and scary. In fact, without her inner self constantly reassuring her, Clary was petrified. The news was on when the screen flickered to life before her. A blond woman, gorgeous and fair, had a scowl on her face as reported the latest travesties. A train derailed somewhere near Syracuse killing a little girl and 12 others. A bomb threat at a school in some little town nobody really cared about. And then the real news appeared. "Witnesses to a double homicide near 21st street reported to the police new information today, and a profiler was able to make up a sketch of one of the reported suspects..."

Clary's heart dropped two cold beats before it stilled. On the screen was a picture of a doll-like girl that had her nose exactly, and her eyes seemed to mirror Clary's as well.

"Witneses say that the suspects they saw fleeing the crime scene were that of the woman just shown and a male companion, both presumed to be in their early twenties, the man roughly 6 ft tall and the woman with bright red hair, around 5 ft in height. If you see anyone who fits this description, or have any additional information," the woman's blue eyes seem to connect with Clary's through the screen, "please contact the authorities immediately."

Clary grabbed the remote and switched the screen to black as fast as possible. She was a wanted woman. God...she was a murderer! She did still want to kill the regulars of her whore mother...because god those bastards ruined her life...but was she the person that killed an innocent. She could just faintly remember the desire to unleash her anger, her tension, through killing the man in the alleyway on 21st.

Maybe it was because of the sex, that she didn't feel the need now.

Maybe it was the lack of that voice in her head.

Oh God where was Jace? Why didn't he tell her? Was he going to turn her in? Could she trust him-

The questions built a pressure in her head, like a wave cresting as the fell upon her. They were chaotic, so uncertain, so desperate and needy that they physically hurt to think.

Is she going to jail? What if Jace dies? What does she do? What can she do? Where is Jace where is Jace whereisJace-

Clary screamed and clutched her head. Where the hell did this come from! This confusion, this uncertainty was worse than any other pain she'd ever felt. She clawed her way off the couch and into the training room, Nichi at her heels as the thoughts stabbed her brain.

Where was everybody? What was going on in her life? Could she trust Jace ? Could she trust him? couldshetrusthimcouldshetrusthimcouldshetrust-

With another scream Clary collapsed on the floor, first to her knees, then to her side. She clutched her head, nails digging half moons into her temples as she willed her mind to quiet. Because now it wasn't just Jace. No. Now, it was everything that had been suppressed for 17 years rushing into her mind all at once.

Her father is dead she killed her father he tried to sell her her mother was a whore she was a whore she was a murderer she was crazy she was alone and god

she was less

crazy

when she talked to the voice

in her head!

Clary didn't know how long she stayed curled in a ball on the training room floor. Stiffness encrusted her curled joints and dry tears stained rough patches on her cheeks. As she made her way to her feet, eyes swollen and head pounding, her joints clicked. The thoughts hadn't calmed down, but Clary was used to them a little bit more now. They were tolerable if she could just leave this room.

Jace should be coming home soon.

He can explain why this was happening to her, surely.

When Clary left the windowless training room she was surprised. No Jace, of course. But there was no light coming in the windows, night had fallen. This little fact calmed her for a second. Night was protection, a cloak of darkness. In the night she was just another shadow. Clary fell on the couch again, staring out at the city as Nichi curled into a ball on her lap. She stroked his fur absently, too tired to even push the bastard away.

The door opened. Jace's fottsteps hurried in and Clary knew without turning her head that he had just shucked his coat and shoes off. His soft footsteps slowed as he saw her.

"You're late" she mumbled out. Finally she turned to him, hot red eyes meeting his gold ones. The puzzled look on his face said it all, she looked as insane as she felt.

"What happened?" his soothing voice grit out as he warily sat beside her. He eyes the cat on her lap.

Can she trust him does he love her is it safe here should she leave?

"Did you know that I've never loved someone..." she didn't plan the words, but they rather tumbled from her lips as she looked at him. A wall instantly shot up in his eyes. She shook her head, feeling as hazy as if she were on drugs. "I don't love you, you egotistical asshole..." she paused at the shot of disappointment that bulleted through his amber gaze. "I've just been thinking about how messed up I have to be...to go 17 years without loving anybody ever, you know?" she looked away from his too beautiful eyes.

Jace's hand rested on her shoulder. "What about those people you want to kill? Revenge like that is usually for love..."

Clary shook him off and stood up. It started to hurt again, the thoughts. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "No." she said and hunched in the searing strength of the pain.

Did he love her is he safe should she go should she stay is the normal does he hate her what is this?

Is this what being normal felt like? This mass exodus of thoughts and uncertainty all the time.

She wanted

to

be crazy

again.

"NO!" she screamed and clutched her head again. Jace and the rest of the room disappeared. She was stuck again. With the thoughts. They swirled like a typhoon behind her closed eyelids.

Isthisnormalamidyingfixitfixitfixitfixit!

"I'm sorry" she cried and caressed her hair. She wanted it back. She wanted the quiet again. She could deal with one voice if she could escape these thousands.

The hand on her back, a hot iron bar of realism, snapped her into reality. Jace's eyes were filled with worry and hers filled with tears. His lips came so close to hers. "What. Is. wrong?" he rasped. He looked pained. And it filled her heart with hope, as sadistic as that is. He had to care for her if he was this anxious about her pain. She tried for a smile.

"I saw the news." was her whimper. Jace sighed and rested his forehead against hers.

"It's okay, Red. You're going to be fine. No one's on our tail" his voice soothed her mind into silence completely for just a moment before the thoughts began. Is he lying can she trust him does he know something is she safe?

Clary cupped his face in her palms, the touch relieving her like its always done. She leaned her mouth onto his. "Fuck me, baby." it was a plea. "Make me feel normal again."

She could feel rather than see his nod. The hot breath of his exhale mingled with the glistening of his bottom lip as it captured her top one. She was transported into another world, instantly, immediately, breathtakingly. She was his.

I'm double updating today to make up for all the time I've been away! Yay!

Anyways thanks so much to Delranangle, chesire15, Caitielynn09, shadowhunter-tiger-guardian, BookNinja46, little dhampire 13 {hello, happy to hear from you still :)}, the guest, harpreetjudge10, and luvmortalinstruments. I do this for you guys so keep doing what your doing and read on. I'm trying to right as much as possible because I have inspiration right now. Anyways hope you guys like how Clary is finding 'normal' life.

She's never what you expect her to be. Love you all :)