I sadly do not own Megamind and am deeply upset about it, thanks for reminding me. Also, I am broke and very clearly not making any money off this story.
A/N - On the subject of magnets: I did a little research about electromagnets following writing the last chapter because several people, including my husband incidentally, were concerned that the science was not entirely sound. All the explanations given in what you are about to read, for why the previous plot worked in quite the way it did, are as rooted in science as I could get. I have ignored the fact that in order to produce an electromagnet strong enough to lift heavy objects, like chairs with people in them, from afar would require an immense amount of electricity that I am not sure how to give Megamind access to without him having already successfully destroyed the power grid of all of Metrocity several times over and taken his rightful place as Overlord. Additionally, the likelihood that that same electromagnet would also be able to lift a cell phone from that far away is unlikely according to what information I was able to find. That being said, I did try to explain as well as possible, within the fictional universe in question, how all of this science would work without making anyone suspend their disbelief to the point that it becomes distracting from enjoying the story. I hope it worked. Review and tell me what you think. :-)
About a week after the debacle with the giant magnet, Roxanne found herself, standing in the Evil Lair, wrapped tightly in the arms of a known, alien criminal.
Despite her thoughts following "the incident", she had intended to get herself a new phone as soon as possible. She had no way of being sure when she would be kidnapped next and wasn't even convinced that Megamind had noticed the destruction of her property during all the confusion that had come with his failure and subsequent escape. Besides, it isn't as though I can just live without a phone. As it turns out, it wasn't as difficult as she thought. Make no mistake, the first two days were hard. She lost track of the times that she frantically searched her purse before remembering; but, by day three, she had come to accept her loss.
Her employer, James, was losing his mind over the Scott family's annual Fourth of July gala. He had been forced to tap Becky (who normally only did pre-recorded pieces) for on-air duty since Roxanne had begged off for the night. The event would be hosted live and that meant a change to the entire lineup of the usual programming. Ongoing stories and specials had to be finished early or postponed to make room for the coverage and so everyone was stuck working overtime for the week.
Long story short, by the time Roxanne finished work each evening, she found she was fresh out of the time, and patience, required to make a trip to the wireless center downtown. On Thursday night, she hadn't eaten dinner or even changed clothes, just plopped face-down on her bed and fallen asleep where she landed.
It came as a sort of relief to her when, on her lunch break Friday, she hailed a taxi and instead got a dose of knockout spray and a ride to the Evil Lair.
The bag was pulled from her head and she blinked up at her captor. She wished the spray lasted a little longer, a nap would have been fantastic, but was pretty sure she was working up a tolerance to the stuff.
Megamind took a step toward her, opening his mouth, but all that came out was a dismayed squeak when he was abruptly knocked sideways, and nearly off his feet, by his partner-in-crime.
Minion came barrelling toward Roxanne and, before she could protest, had lifted her, chair and all, off the ground to pull her against his hairy, robotic, gorilla-body.
"Miss Ritchie," he bawled out, obviously distraught, "I was so worried!" Roxanne stopped struggling to escape the hug and gave into his hysterical expression of concern by slumping against him and patting him awkwardly on the shoulder of his suit.
"I'm ok, Minion, really." She assured the fish as he finally settled her back onto the ground. Her stomach rumbled loudly and Minion immediately jumped into action.
"I'll have some food for you right away Miss Ritchie, can't have you missing your lunch break after all!." Minion scampered away (as well as one could scamper in a giant mechanical suit), looking much happier now that he had something useful to do.
"I told him you were fine," Megamind grumbled as he made his way closer. He still looked a bit miffed about having his grand entrance spoiled but Roxanne noticed the sweeping look he sent her way, as though checking that she was actually alright after all. "I calibrated the electromagnet for direct, rather than alternating, current to avoid adverse effects on your human physiology."
"That didn't stop my chair and my dress from conspiring to scandalize the entire town." Roxanne scowled, and Megamind had the grace to look repentant.
"I had noticed your change in attire," he commented, acknowledging her pantsuit with another one of those sliding glances, the effects of which he absolutely did not need to know about, lest his neck finally give out under the strain of keeping aloft his already massive ego.
"I decided to donate it. Perhaps to someone who doesn't do quite as much hanging from things in her day-to-day life?" She pinned him with an accusatory glance that had him looking flustered for a moment.
"Pity, I rather liked that one." He said it so quietly she wasn't sure he had meant it to be audible. Then he added, "In all fairness, I doubt the electromagnet would have been powerful enough to attract your footwear had you not already been at a considerably higher altitude than in my initial calculations."
"I wouldn't have been in the air if it weren't for my chair deciding to take up flying lessons!" She countered irritably. "Besides which, now I have to buy a new phone and I just got used to the old one!"
Megamind just sort of wilted at that. "Yes, I am sorry about that…" his shoulders slumped and he scuffed the toe of his custom, baby-seal, leather boot against the concrete floor. "I forgot to include the chair in my calculations." Those big green eyes peered up at her from under his lashes, his lower lip trembling slightly.
She scoffed, lifting an eyebrow at him, "You forgot something?"
His pretense of remorse fell away so quickly, she was amazed that it didn't make a sound.
"I understand your confusion, Miss Ritchie. However, an unfortunate byproduct of my immense cognitive faculties is that the minor details tend to get lost in the grandiosity of my masterful plans!" He puffed his chest out and cranked his smirk up a few more notches. "Which brings me to the rationale for your visit to our humble abode this afternoon. I, Megamind, Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy, have decided to engineer, for you, a new portable communication device!" He swept dramatically into a bow and then rose, holding out, with both hands, a black box and striking a pose of affected modesty worthy of someone receiving the Nobel Prize.
She lifted an eyebrow at him and mentally began counting. She got to six before he smacked the palm of his left hand against his forehead.
"Tied up, right." He muttered as he rounded the chair to free her hands. Roxanne rolled her eyes at the oversight.
"So, what's the plan today? Check if Metro Man has a crippling peanut allergy?" She quizzed him conversationally as he re-entered her line of sight.
"Plan?" He seemed honestly confused at her question.
"Yeah, you know, to defeat your nemesis and take your rightful place as Ruler of Metrocity!" His eyes widened at what, she thought, was a pretty fair imitation of his Supervillain voice.
"Oh, there isn't a plan today." He stated nonchalantly after a moment. "And you of all people know that I already ruled out any legume-based hypersensitivity with the near-success of the Condiment Cannon last October."
"Sure…" she nodded conspiratorially, "no plan at all. Just decided to take the day off I suppose."
"No really, there isn't a plan." He looked confused that she wasn't following him.
"Oh come on… I'll be a good captive and play along with the big reveal this time," She promised. "No telling Metro Man before you can get in some solid banter."
He was becoming visibly frustrated as Minion entered carrying a tray laden with sandwiches and lemonade. He rounded on his friend, "Minion, will you please explain to Miss Ritchie that I am not being deceptive when I assure her that there is no Evil Plan scheduled for today!"
"Oh, he's telling the truth, Miss Ritchie, we don't quite have the Mong-" Megamind cleared his throat and Minion backpedaled quickly, "the... Um… next plan ready yet."
"There, see?," Megamind turned back to her "The sole purpose of today was to present you with this!" He gestured with the box and she took it this time if only to stop him shoving it toward her again.
She opened the box slowly, purposely drawing it out while taking perverse satisfaction from his obvious impatience. He tapped his foot and shifted from side to side as he watched her remove the lid to look down at the device inside.
There were two small objects nestled in the black foam. One was a thin half circle of that same hard plastic her hairdryer was made of, the other was the size of a matchbox; both were the same royal blue chrome. She picked up the smaller item first.
"Earpiece." Megamind interjected, "it doesn't have a speaker, it uses bone conduction to transmit the sound vibrations directly to your eardrum. You will still be able to hear what is going on around you and no one can listen in to your conversation." Roxanne slipped the circle behind her ear, looking up at him in surprise.
"It fits me perfectly!" She caught the unguarded bashful look on Megamind's face before he rearranged it into a smirk again. It suddenly occurred to her that there was, quite likely, a space in Megamind's no doubt photographic, memory that was labeled with the exact size and shape of her ears. She blushed a little and resolutely decided not to pursue that thought further.
"Well, of course, Miss Ritchie." Megamind rumbled, pleased with her reaction. "But that is just an accessory, you haven't even seen the main attraction yet." He waved his hand at the container in her hands and she removed the other gadget from it and held it up curiously.
"It this a phone?" She asked disbelievingly, turning the small contraption over to view it from multiple angles. It did seem to be glass on one side but it was so tiny. Was that supposed to be a screen? She glanced at him in confusion and held it out for him to take.
"Oh Miss Ritchie, It is so much more than a phone!" He assured her, pressing his thumb onto the glass which lit up at the pressure. So it is a screen then. How am I supposed to read anything on that? Roxanne didn't want to seem ungrateful but a phone that miniature hardly seemed practical.
"Not only can it make calls and send messages of text; this magnificent creation has full web capability, biometric security features, and several useful programs already pre-installed."
She pressed her lips together uncomfortably and he shot her a puzzled look. "That sounds really great Megamind, but… how am I supposed to read anything on a screen that… compact?"
Minion, who was dragging over a side table over on which to put Roxanne's lunch, snorted. Megamind's smile faltered a little.
"Well, of course, you don't use it while it is this size…" he looked offended that she would suggest such a thing. He pinched the top left and bottom right corners gently between his long fingers and pulled. Roxanne's eyes went wide as the screen seemed to stretch. Megamind kept pulling until his long arms couldn't go any further and it looked like he was holding a flat-screen television. "You can stretch or compress the display to a range of different sizes depending on your current needs and the resolution will adjust automatically to ensure the best quality image." Roxanne stared at him flabbergasted as he demonstrated this concept several times.
"But won't the screen break?" She managed to force out as she continued to gape at his invention.
Megamind took hold of both sides of the, now tablet sized, implement and twisted it as though wringing out a towel. Then he folded the whole thing in half and then half again. The material flexed and folded as though it were made of paper and, when he unfolded it, became once again glasslike and rigid.
"Oh my goodness, Megamind!" Roxanne cried, jumping to her feet and very nearly toppling over, as she had forgotten that her feet were still tied. Megamind took a startled step backward as she regained her balance. "That is amazing!"
"Thank you, Miss Ritchie." He smiled hesitantly at her enthusiasm. "It is made of vitrum flexile, a flexible glass-like material that was the stuff of legends in the Roman Empire, but which I have managed to find several practical uses for."
"I'll say!" Roxanne was having trouble expressing just how amazing she found his creation and he seemed a bit ruffled by the attention so she settled for expressing her admiration in a way he would be better suited to handle, namely... questions. "So you said there were programs on here? Like apps?"
He looked at her puzzled for a moment as he dissected the terminology. "Oh, a slang term for applications! Yes, I have included a few functions which you might find convenient." He handed her back the phone and, once she had resized it a few times in childlike wonder, proceeded to show her how to navigate its features. He stood just behind her chair and pointed out several icons, giving her a brief overview of each one.
He had installed recording and editing software that far surpassed the equipment at the station and, according to him, the memory of this apparatus was nearly unlimited as everything was saved into a private cloud-based server that not even he had access to. All of her contacts and previous apps had been imported, I probably don't want to know how he did that, and her favorite music program had even been upgraded to the premium, ad-free version.
There was an app that would allow her to summon a brainbot if anything in her apartment needed fixing "or you could send it on errands" Megamind suggested. "I'll have one come over tomorrow sometime to set up connections between your phone and the electronics incorporated in your domicile. That should allow you to remotely control your lights, door locks, and sound system."
"Can one brainbot do all that?" She mused and he was quick to reassure her.
"Oh certainly! Of course, it won't be as quick as if I did it myself, but I can always take over their programming manually from here if they run into any trouble."
"If it would be easier, you could always just come do it yourself." She offered, as her eyes landed on a red icon with the word panic written on it. Just as she reached for it, though, Megamind bellowed "WAIT!" and snatched the device back out of her hands.
"I would really rather you didn't press that right now, Miss Ritchie. It causes your device to emit a substantial electrical pulse at the top of the casing and simultaneously emits a high-frequency sound wave which, although indistinguishable to human ears, should summon Metro Man to your location." He explained hurriedly, only handing the phone back when she nodded slowly.
He made me a taser that calls for help? She asked the only question she had left. "Why this color? Your usual shade of blue is much lighter."
Minion piped up immediately, "That's because Sir made it to match your…"
"Minion!" Megamind shouted, cutting off the rest of his henchman's sentence. "No giving away trade secrets to the nosy reporter. It is a perfectly fine shade of a very popular primary color and requires no further information. If that is all, Miss Ritchie, I do have other matters to attend to today. Evil doesn't plan itself after all." His bluster didn't quite cover the fact that he was definitely blushing, his ears and cheeks turning a light purple.
"Megamind, I don't know what to say. This is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever given me. Thank you so very much!"
"You are quite welcome, Miss Ritchie." He seemed to grow even pinker in the wake of her praise.
"But… I have actually noticed something that seems to be missing…"
Megamind did a double-take and his brow furrowed. She could see him racking his brain to find what his omission could have possibly been. It only took a second for him to cock his head to the left and ask, "What?"
"You haven't given me your phone number." He blinked a few times as though processing her statement. She nearly giggled at the gobsmacked expression on his face.
"I don't actually have a cellular telephone. I have… other ways of communicating." She let her disappointment show on her face and he rushed to add, "But! There is another program that I made for your phone… I included it on the prototype but it seemed… counterintuitive? To put it on the finished product." He took the phone from her again and began pressing buttons quickly. She caught a few lines of code but couldn't keep up with it. A few moments later he handed her back her new toy and showed her the simple black 'M' now situated off to the right side of the home screen, far away from the cluster of other icons as though it wasn't part of the rest of the phone.
She pressed it and a black screen popped up with a text box, a calendar icon and a blue button labeled 'EK'.
"The text box sends messages to my communication device as well as Minion's. You can change the recipient via the drop down menu. The calendar allows you to submit important dates for my consideration as "plot-free" times. Of course, I can't always grant those and I would appreciate as much advance notice as possible." He gave her a stern look. She held back another laugh and nodded seriously.
"And the button? What does 'EK' stand for?" She glanced up and saw that he wasn't looking at her. He was glaring defensively at the floor.
"That's why I didn't put the program on your device. That feature was to allow you to request an 'Emergency Kidnapping' in case you needed a way out of a dangerous predicament or an uncomfortable social obligation. Obviously, that was made superfluous by the inclusion of your current panic feature. In any case, the other two functions are still somewhat useful if you should have any issues with the device." He looked distinctly uncomfortable with this line of conversation so she let him off the hook.
"Well thank you again Megamind, it is wonderful."
"No problem at all, Miss Ritchie." He gave her a small, sincere smile and left the room. Roxanne ate her sandwich and drank her lemonade and then asked Minion if he would mind dropping her off at her apartment rather than back at work. They don't need to know how long this kidnapping took.
When the spray wore off, she grabbed the black box from her bedside table and put in her earpiece, determined to play with some of her phone's new features. She glanced down at the oddly darker blue material again and wondered… made it to match my what? She couldn't think of a single item of clothing she owned that was this particular shade of blue. She shrugged and headed for the kitchen, intent on making a cup of tea, when she found her reflection in the full-length mirror on the wall by her bedroom door. The earpiece stood out against her skin and… oh...
Oh!
Apparently, in Megamind's, almost certainly photographic, memory there was also a space that contained a very specific shade of dark, royal, blue labeled, 'Roxanne's Eyes'.
A/N - I had this whole story written out and in my head and then I decided that while that would be fun it wasn't what I wanted anymore, so far I have enough extra trimmings to fill two separate one-shots. Maybe I will get around to that at some point but I am afraid that if I work on anything else I will neglect this story. I know this one took longer to upload but it is about twice as long as the other two chapters so hopefully, that makes up for it. I know it is rather dialogue heavy but I like listening to Megamind talk, even if it is only in my own head.
A few new reviewers who need shout-outs and previous (but no less appreciated) reviewers who need answers...
Oliver2016 - In my head, it was just an oversight due to Megamind and Minion being distracted by something with the machine but I do love the idea of a Minion who purposely does little things like that when his boss isn't paying enough attention.
joanhello - comic genius huh? I like that, I might have t-shirts printed. I really like the thesaurus feature for this story, it just makes sense to me that Megamind would use bigger words than are strictly required.
CrystalIce AngelBlossom - Your excitement has been noted and I am glad to keep feeding it. :-)
SisterofTurin - Really? Your favorite? I am torn between squealing with glee and asking if you have read literally anything by setepenre-set because seriously, that is some fantastic fiction. But I have decided to just accept the compliment. Thank you very much. Also, I decided that you are right about Metro Man and I intend to fix that, hopefully, next chapter if it doesn't decide to morph on me like this one did.
Ardina Falconhurst - I decided that you were right phone + magnet (along with my husband) so I added in the flimsy explanation that the magnet wouldn't have been strong enough to pick up something that small from so far away and decided that the length of Roxanne's levitating body was enough to cause her shoes to be attracted while still allowing for the phone to make it's way to the ground. You are probably right though, so there's that.