A/N: This chapter got quite long, so apologies for that. I am going to be continuing this throughout and post-AYITL and I have it all outlined so I'll endeavour to update as soon as I can. For now, this takes Rory and Logan up to the beginning of 'Winter'.

Chapter title from 'Everlong' by the Foo Fighters.

Part 5

if everything could ever feel this real forever

Logan collects his briefcase from his desk and smiles at the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree in front of the window. He would usually switch them off before leaving for work but Rory was insistent that Christmas lights must stay on constantly day and night to keep the festive magic alive. He had laughed and considered answering back but thought better of it, so what if the bulbs blew by the end of the season and he had to throw them out? He'd buy new ones next year. So what if they caught fire and the tree went up in flames? That's what the smoke alarm and sprinklers are for. It was worth it to see the look on her face when she arrived to find his home decked out like Santa's grotto. If she was going to be staying here for Christmas (he still couldn't believe that she was going to be here for Christmas), then he was going to make it worth her while and tacky decorations were just the tip of the iceberg for what he had planned.

He picks up his suit jacket, turns off the stereo and makes his way downstairs. As he does he becomes aware of a distinctive click-clack rhythm emanating from the kitchen. He walks into the room and stops, stunned, in the doorway.

"You know, when you turned down my offer to join me in the shower, I assumed it was because you wanted breakfast, not because you wanted to … do this." Logan crosses his arms and gives Rory a quizzical look.

"I'm tap dancing."

"I can see that."

In truth, what she was doing vaguely resembled tap dancing in its barest form only but he got the general idea. There were many talents that Rory possessed, but dancing was not on that list.

He waits patiently for her to explain further.

"I checked my email this morning and I'm still getting feedback for the New Yorker piece, it's all good, really good, and … Condé Nast wants to set up a meeting with me." Rory explains breathlessly, as she continues to strike the floor with her heels.

"Ace, that's a great thing! I'm so proud of you." Logan pushes off from the wall and moves to embrace her, giving her a quick kiss.

"I know." She resumes her tapping, while Logan pours himself a coffee.

"But …?"

"How long do you think I'm going to be able to ride the wave of this piece Logan? I'm not getting as many call-backs lately and my by-lines aren't exactly skyrocketing. I still have that article for The Atlantic but I have a bad feeling about it, I think they might pull it."

"So, you were anxious about everything going wrong and now you're anxious that things are going well?"

"Yes."

"Thus … tap dancing?"

His eyes sparkle as he gently teases her and she smirks back, she loves that he puts up with her bizarre and idiosyncratic ways.

"Yep. I found a tutorial online. I started a few weeks ago."

"Right." Logan nodded quickly. "Would it help, or perhaps be less noisy, to try your meditation exercises?"

"I think I'm too jittery for meditation."

"Well, how much coffee have you had since you got up?" He asks, inspecting the nearly empty pot on the counter.

She shoots him a look. "You know better than to question my caffeine intake."

"That I do." He smiles at her as he replaces the pot and continues to sip his coffee. "How about we try running again? It usually de-stresses me."

"You know I don't run."

"Well you also didn't use to meditate. And judging by the skills you're demonstrating here, I doubt that tap dancing's going to be in your repertoire for too long either."

She smacks him playfully on the chest and he tugs her towards him for another kiss.

"Everything's going to work out. You're a great writer, you've just got to believe in yourself and keep putting yourself out there."

She nods grudgingly, resuming her exercise. "I know. I know! The Talk of the Town piece is a good way to end the year, I just need to get my head back in the game. I've been distracted lately, not quite myself."

Logan can't disagree with her sentiments, but he also can't help but worry that she blames him and his involvement in her life over the past year for her recent preoccupation.

Rory sees the troubled look on his face and, halting her tap steps, moves to wrap her arms around him.

"Hey. I'm really looking forward to all the Christmas stuff we have planned. You'll be done early today right?"

"Right." He smiles back at her, grateful for the interlude to his thoughts. "I'll come home for a quick shower and change and then we'll head out to Covent Garden, the lights will be amazing. And we can drown ourselves in roasted chestnuts and mulled wine. You'll be finished with your interview by 4 right?"

"Should be. And then I am all yours for the next few days."

He cannot stop the grin from spreading across his face. The thought of her being all his does things to him that he cannot adequately put into words.

"Perfect. Then it's just us, no work, and plenty of Christmas merriment."

"Can't wait." Rory replies and places a kiss on his lips. "I'll see you back here at 4."

Their lips meet again and as he pulls away to head towards the door, Rory has to stop the words I love you from slipping out. As if it were the most normal, most natural thing in the world, the perfect finish to this morning routine that they've created. Him building her up before she heads out on another assignment; them chatting and drinking coffee before work; her kissing him as he leaves the house.

Logan senses the change in her demeanour. "Everything okay?"

Rory shakes her head restlessly, determined to erase those kind of thoughts from her mind. "Of course, just hyped up on caffeine and cardio. I better go jump in the shower and get ready."

"You sure?" He persists, unconvinced.

"I'm sure." She nods resolutely.

"Well, I'll see you this afternoon then. Have a good day." He smiles that smile at her and she goes weak.

I love you. Those instinctive words make their way to the tip of her tongue again and she has to bite them back.

"You too." Rory gives him a little wave as he leaves the house and inwardly curses herself for her incredible spinelessness.

She exhales slowly once she is alone. Maybe she's becoming too relaxed with him, she can't keep letting those old habits sneak in. She can't tell him that she loves him – it's not that she doesn't love him. Because she does, probably always will. He was the one after all. But she can't tell him that. He has a fiancée and a life. One that doesn't involve her.

She also happens to have a boyfriend. Well, he calls himself her boyfriend but she's never exactly put a label on it. Besides, Paul knows that they're fairly casual, how could he not? Sure, they've been seeing each other on and off for a while now (maybe a year or so, Rory deliberates) but it's not like they celebrate anniversaries or anything. Regardless, she should probably cut him loose and break-up with him sooner rather than later. But she can't do it right now - it's Christmas. That would be cruel, she justifies to herself as she continues with her morning.

Logan heaves a sigh as he pulls the front door closed behind him. He recognises, and he's sure that Rory does too; that they have a tendency to play house and that they do act like a couple. After all, when they're together, they're together. They can't help themselves, there is too much history and familiarity between them. They can't not be together, they bounce off of each other effortlessly and have shared too much.

They both stopped pretending that this was a friends with benefits setup a while ago but neither of them have pushed to further define what they have (he's too afraid to, he assumes she is too). But there is something undeniably domestic and cosy about spending Christmas just the two of them (though they are only spending it together because of work scheduling. Obviously.). As he gets into the waiting car, Logan ruminates on just how much longer they can stay in this limbo.

Logan gets his rarely-used Aston Martin out of the garage and drives them out into the English countryside on Christmas Eve; they stroll hand in hand through picturesque villages, listen to the local schoolchildren sing in their carol concerts and eat lunch in a quintessential country pub in front of the open fire. They leave after dinner to be back in London by midnight and they toast in Christmas Day with champagne on the balcony looking out over the city lights. It's perfect; reminiscent of the Christmas they spent together in 2006, except then they were in a committed and loving relationship and now they're … what they are. It's almost perfect.

They wake late on Christmas morning and exchange gifts in front of the tree. Rory had stipulated that they were to purchase silly and cheap stocking fillers only – a somewhat ineffectual attempt to keep things from feeling too serious, and also to prevent Logan from buying her anything too expensive. Although, she's pretty sure that the ship had long sailed when it came to Logan offering her jewellery.

Logan speaks to his parents briefly (and reluctantly) around lunchtime, dodging their questions about when they can expect him and Odette to agree a wedding date. He Skypes with Honor, Josh and the children and it is 20 minutes of hysteria. Evelyn, hyped up on candy since she'd woken at 4am, proceeds to show Logan every gift she has opened through the camera; while her little brother George squeals "Merry Christmas Uncle Logan!" incessantly while launching himself off of various pieces of furniture.

Rory eavesdrops on the remainder of their conversation as she waits in the bathroom after her shower. She can tell how much Logan admires their family, he is so good with the kids and she knows he wishes he were nearer them all. He and Honor are still close, their bond reminds her of the one she has with her mother, built on love and the resilience of surviving challenging childhoods. He hasn't told Honor about their arrangement though, not that she can really blame him. If Lane hadn't have accidentally found out, she wouldn't have told anyone either.

She notices that he doesn't speak to Odette all day, which if she allowed herself to dwell on it, would be telling.

Rory speaks to both Lorelai and Emily and receives (mild) guilt-tripping from them both about work keeping her away from Connecticut at Christmas. Her mother relays tales about Stars Hollow's holiday shenanigans, tells Rory how impressed everyone is with her New Yorker piece ("Wait till you see Luke!") and ends their call repeating once again how much she loves and misses her and that she can't wait to see her in a few days.

Rory almost feels guilty about being away from her family, this first Christmas without Grandpa especially, but then she and Logan continue with their day and any residual guilt is overshadowed by contentment. They cook dinner (well, they pop the components of a ready-made roast dinner in the oven to warm through), go for a walk around The Serpentine in Hyde Park and have drinks in a pub before retreating home for chocolate and snacks in front of the TV.

Rory receives messages from Paul but, distracted by Logan's attempt to put together the model car she had put in his stocking, and unwilling to come out of their bubble (and realising how selfish that sounds), she quickly texts him to say she can't talk as she is busy with work and mindlessly invites him to join her in Stars Hollow in a few days time.

The flames crackle in the fire as Logan laughs at the comedy show they're watching. Rory sips from her wine glass as he alternates between kneading her shoulders and playing with her hair. She stretches out her legs on the pillows she'd arranged on the floor, leans back into him sitting on the couch above her and sighs happily.

She can't believe that she's here, that he's here, that it feels this good, this right.

She loves being with Logan so much and sometimes she can't help herself, she loses herself in a fantasy of what it would be like to do this full-time, to share their lives fully and not just sporadically, to be married to him – and then she stops herself, this is what she could have had, if she had said 'yes' all those years ago. Instead, she insisted on a wide-open future and that is exactly what she got.

When her time on the Obama campaign came to its natural end and it became clear that staff writer positions at prestigious newspapers were about as easy to come by as the Reston Fellowship; Rory did what came quite unnaturally to her, and relented. She took jobs at less esteemed outlets, remaining steadfast that this was only temporary and that she would be following in Christiane Amanpour's footsteps in no time. After getting passed over for sub-editor once again, she snapped one day and handed in her resignation, deciding that freelancing would give her the opportunity to travel that she's always wanted. What it didn't give her was stability or a steady income. It's been 3 years now and she'd struggle to describe exactly what she's been doing in that time.

She's floundering, probably has been since the day she let him go.

On the other hand, since they parted ways on the Yale lawn, Logan moved on with his life, and moved up and up and up. Once he got started on his wide-open future, there was no stopping him and his career (even considering the significant assistance he had received from his family) went from strength to strength. He just about managed to survive the economic downturn in 2008, by knuckling down and waiting it out; exhibiting a work ethic his younger self would have mocked mercilessly. He returned to the family fold an older, wiser and more patient man; yielding to the destiny that had always awaited him. She always knew he had it in him to be anything he wanted to be and when he learned to put aside the understandable resentment he felt towards his predetermined future, his success was unparalleled.

Without her, he had excelled.

Rory allows a few silent tears to escape, keeping her gaze fixed straight ahead so he can't see her face, can't see her pain. This is what she asked for, what she chose. And Logan has always given her exactly what she wanted. She wonders, and not for the first time, what he would do if she asked him to abandon Odette and their pre-planned future, for her, the aimless reporter. She quickly snuffs those thoughts out; that would be a step too far, even for her.

She knows she can be selfish (she's being extraordinarily selfish lately) but she wants to draw the line at being selfish at Logan's expense, specifically pulling his life off course. She had her chance, she turned him down. Now, she has to accept what she can get.

Logan muses on the last few days they have shared as he relaxes sleepily on the couch. It's been incredible, some of the best times they've had since they reconnected, maybe some of the best times they're ever had. It feels right, they just fit. Like this is how it should be for them, permanently.

Rory had asked him if she could have some boxes shipped here from the apartment she's relinquishing in New York and he stopped himself from telling her to have them all shipped here. After all, he remembers how well his last unexpected gesture of commitment went down and seemingly not much has changed. Apparently, spending roughly a week a month in her own home isn't quite carefree enough for her and she's decided to go full-on drifter. She still doesn't want to be tied down, she wants her life to be even more vagabond-chic than it already is. He's nothing but a pit stop in her wandering adventures and he needs to remember that. He may well love her, but not the way she loves him, if she loves him at all.

Instead, he relishes the opportunity he has right now – he can caress her softly as they laugh together on Christmas night, the twinkling lights on the tree illuminating the picture-perfect image of the two of them here together. On the face of it, they must look flawless and though he knows in his mind that things aren't always what they seem, in his heart, it feels real.

It does for her too.

Rory moves around the kitchen comfortably the following morning, pulling various foodstuffs from the cabinets while she waits for the coffee to brew. Logan is upstairs lighting the fire and she can't wait to crawl under the blankets on the couch and eat a junk food breakfast in front of Netflix and the roaring flames. She shivers as she gathers things from the open refrigerator and wishes that the coffee would hurry up so that she can retreat back upstairs to the warmth. She realises that a satin slip isn't the most suitable attire for a cold December morning but the appreciative looks that Logan gives her while she's wearing it are more than worth a few goose bumps.

She pours two large mugs of coffee and is about to start shuttling the food and drink upstairs when the sound of the front door opening startles her.

"Logan?" she queries quickly before the more likely explanation hits her. It must be Odette. She must have come to surprise Logan. And she's going to walk in to find her standing in the kitchen, arms full of breakfast, like she owns the place. Dressed like a Victoria's Secret model. Rory has never felt more mortified in her entire life (okay, having Lindsay and the rest of Stars Hollow find out that she had slept with a married Dean was always going to be pretty tough to top, but at least she had been wearing underwear then.).

She has barely had a moment to contemplate the chances of the ground opening up and swallowing her whole before she had to come face-to-face with Logan's beautiful fiancée, who she had previously only seen via online stalking, before the true unsolicited guest walked into the kitchen.

Or guests to be more accurate. Rory lets out a breath as she sets eyes on Finn and Colin.

"Oh my God, it's just you two." She sighs in short-lived relief, before realising that she's still going to have to explain her presence.

The two men stare at Rory, clearly gobsmacked, and they are all silent for a moment.

Finn breaks the silence as he appraises Rory's state of undress. "It's been too long darling. Do I get a hug?" He quips with a suggestive look on his face.

Logan, hearing the door, quickly makes his way down the stairs, not wanting to think about who could be interrupting his and Rory's quiet and cosy morning.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?!" He exclaims as soon as he catches sight of his two oldest friends.

Colin moves to allow Logan into the room and responds with the most smug smirk possible.

"We missed you at Honor's pre-Christmas party, seeing as you were so busy at work, so last night when we'd both had enough drunken debauchery from our families we decided to fuel up the jet and come surprise you. Obviously, if we'd have known you were having a private party of your own, we wouldn't have bothered."

Finn winks at Rory and continues to hold his arms open, beckoning her towards him.

Logan hands Rory his robe, which she promptly fastens around her middle before moving to quickly embrace Finn and Colin in turn.

They are still looking expectantly at her with gleeful smiles plastered on their faces as she grabs her coffee and heads for the door.

"I'm going to leave you guys to it. I'll be upstairs getting dressed." She and Logan share a look as she walks away.

Busted.

Their secret is quickly becoming not so secret.

"Please don't dress on our account love, you look perfect as you are." Finn calls out as she leaves.

Logan slaps him on the arm before picking up the other cup of coffee from the counter and beginning to drink.

Finn and Colin continue to stare at him amusedly.

"'Nothing to report' you said when we spoke a few days ago. I knew I smelt bullshit. You've been holding out on us." Colin chastises.

"Leave it." Logan takes another slurp of his coffee.

"Well that's definitely not happening."

"What are you guys even doing here? And when did I give you a key?"

"I had one made the last time I was here after we got locked out all night after that river cruise. Throwing things into the water always seems so much fun at the time …" Finn explains wistfully.

"So when were you going to tell us that you and Rory are back together? And that you and Odette broke up?" Colin asks.

"We're not. And we haven't."

"Oh …" Finn elongates the word through pursed lips.

"Well one of those things clearly isn't true." Colin gestures upstairs.

"We're not back together. Not really. She crashes here when she's in town. For work. Saves her spending money on a hotel …" Logan starts to ramble. He's nervous, he is almost never nervous, and never in front of his best friends. But he's also not used to being caught off guard like this.

"Of course, this is strictly economical. Makes sense. I'd forgotten all about that spare bedroom that you keep hidden around here. So smart of you to start renting it out." Colin retorts sarcastically.

"Are you done?"

"Brilliant business plan really. Offering shelter to wandering journalists, what a charitable man you are, plus it must be tax-deductible."

"And it's just an added bonus if they happen to be your stunning ex who walks around the house in negligee." Finn adds, as he begins to raid the stash of food Rory left out.

"Are you done?" Logan repeats, firmer this time.

"Is ex the correct term? I mean, unless you have actually managed to have a hidden panic room fitted are we to assume that the lovely Miss Gilmore 'crashes' on the couch?" Finn makes use of air quotes mockingly.

"Oh no, Logan's far too much of a gentleman for that. Surely you're the one on the couch right?" Colin directs his question at Logan who offers only a stare in response. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"So does Odette know?"

"That we're in an arranged engagement and can't seem to weasel our way out of it currently – yes. That we both see other people – yes."

"About Rory, specifically."

"No. Just like I don't know specifically who she dates when she's in Paris."

"So you admit that you're dating Rory?" Colin persists.

"No, we're not dating."

"But you are fucking." Colin asserts, more of a statement than a question.

Logan sighs in exasperation. "We're friends."

"Friends who fuck."

"Yeah, I've done that." Finn contributes. "Never with an ex though. Certainly never with the one who ripped my heart out and left me a weeping, ruined shell of a man."

"I did not weep." Logan affirms. (Not in front of the guys anyway.)

"And Rory's happy with you being engaged to someone else?" Colin asks incredulously.

"I thought she had a boyfriend in New York, ran into them a while back. Sinfully boring specimen of a man but he did compliment me on my accent and cowboy boots so he's clearly got good taste going for him at least." Finn reasons.

Logan scowls, he knows it's unreasonable but he hates any mention of Rory's so-called boyfriend.

"Look, it is what it is. When she's in town, we're together and when she's not, she goes back to her life."

"And what exactly do you do? When she's not in town that is? You go back to your life that you love so much? Working 80 hour weeks, never having time to come home or go on vacation. Escort your faux-fiancée around the latest charity gala."

"Pretty much." Logan answers with a sardonic nod of the head.

"So basically you're attempting to be casual fuck buddies with the only woman you've ever loved while supposedly being engaged to someone else? And it's the former, who's also in another relationship, that you've chosen to spend Christmas with?"

The three men stand in silence as they consider Colin's harsh (and vulgar) truth.

"This is hands-down the worst idea you've ever had. Jumping off that cliff in Costa Rica – better idea than this." Finn decides.

"At least then death would have been quicker and less painful. This is going to be long and drawn-out." Colin adds.

"With fewer sponge baths." Finn concludes.

"Thank you both for your support." Logan holds up his cup in a mock toast.

Colin and Finn both roll their eyes at their friend's obliviousness.

"Well seeing as we're all friends here, let's carry on with the fun we had planned. We've got Book of Mormon tickets and a reservation at the Chiltern Firehouse. Make sure you leave a key under the mat as all going well, we'll be on the river cruise by midnight." Finn chatters excitedly.

Logan considers arguing but knows it would be a futile exercise.

He collects some food to take up for Rory before heading for the stairs. "I'm going to get ready. Go check into a hotel, text me which one, we'll come meet you in a bit."

"You mean there aren't any vacancies at the Logan Huntzberger Halfway House?!" Colin laughs at his friends' retreating back, knowing that if Logan's hands weren't full he would be flipping him off right about now.

Rory rushes around the bedroom, dropping the necessary items into her bag. She didn't need to take too much in her carry-on as this trip was just a quick overnight at home, a brief stop in New York for work and then dinner with her grandmother before she's back on the red-eye here.

She had meant to get up earlier but after her interviews the day before ran late, she and Logan had missed their reservation and ended up in the pub down the street for dinner. One glass of wine turned into a bottle, which turned into them making homemade espresso martinis, which turned into them utilising their caffeine-induced wakefulness in the kitchen, then on the couch, and finally into bed until the early hours of the morning.

Logan pulls her close to kiss her goodbye and when he lets his hands wander, she doesn't stop him.

"I'll be right back." She mutters in between kisses.

"I'll be waiting."

"You'll be working on the acquisition proposal that you've been putting off the last few days, ordering Chinese and drinking scotch and we both know it."

Logan smiles. "Well maybe you know me too well."

They kiss again before Rory pulls her coat on.

"I have to be at the office all day when you land so here … take this." Logan picks up a key from the bookshelf and holds it out to her.

Rory looks at him blankly.

"It's a key … to the house … so you can let yourself in."

Logan appraises the shocked look Rory is giving him. He probably didn't think this through. He had done it almost mindlessly but the enormity of what he's proffered hits him like an asteroid. A key. He's giving her a key to his apartment. They're not even in a relationship (technically) and he's giving her a god damn key. He hasn't ever considered giving Odette a key and she's supposedly his fiancée.

"It's ridiculous that you're always waiting around for me to get home. You should have had a spare key ages ago. This just makes more sense." He rationalises.

"Are you sure?" She takes the key from his hand.

"It's better than Finn having it." He attempts to diffuse the situation with humour.

It works. "That's true." She smiles at him.

Rory busies herself placing the key into her bag whilst talking herself down. So he's given her a key, it's no big deal, she can add it to her wayfaring keychain alongside Paris and Lane's home keys. This one feels different though, like just when she's decided to be fully 'rootless' here is Logan, offering her a root.

"You don't have to take it if you don't want …" He begins.

"No, you're right. It's practical. Thank you."

She leans in to kiss him softly, willing herself to calm down. It's just a key.

Rory notices the time. "Crap, I'm running late! I have to go."

She kisses him once more and disappears down the stairs. She's almost at the door when she hears him calling out and following her.

She spins around to meet that perfect grin and he's holding something out for her again.

"Don't forget the Princess Charlotte teaspoons for your mom!"

She exhales with a laugh before shoving the gift into her bag.

"You're a lifesaver. You know my mom would never forgive me if I missed Christmas and forgot her tacky souvenirs."

Logan grabs her by the waist and kisses her firmly, wanting to say goodbye on a good note rather than an awkward one.

"Thank you for a great Christmas. Have a safe flight. I'll see you soon."

Rory smiles back at him. "Thank you. For Christmas, for having me here, for the key. See you soon."

She turns to leave and they both tell themselves that this is just like any other visit coming to an end. She came to town for work, so she stayed with him, now she's heading home – nothing's changed. But they both feel a shift, one to add to the seismic shift they seem to have experienced over the holiday period.

It definitely feels like they're not in Vegas anymore.