A/N: Finally I get to the post-AYITL element of this story! Do I wish that I'd just started publishing the chapters from this point last November like every other normal person did? Yes … yes I do.

Thank you again for your amazing feedback, it's so great to know that people are enjoying this. This part's very Rory-centric but we'll get to Logan again soon.

Chapter title from 'Why Do You Love Me' by Adele.

Part 11

you left your mark and it never will fade

She's taking in the fall leaves around her, the deep reds, oranges and browns making the town look even more storybook than it usually does. There was something about Stars Hollow that just suited the autumn; a perfect match.

She tries to concentrate on the fairytale scene in front of her, following the path of a fly, counting the twinkling lights that are losing their effect in the bright morning sun. Anything to restrain herself, to stop her from doing what she really wants to do and spilling her metaphorical guts to her newlywed mother.

The last few days have been a whirlwind, an ongoing back-and-forth between eerie calm and blind panic that has given her psychological whiplash. As the joyful adrenaline from the impromptu elopement fades, she feels the panic seeping in once more.

Lane had talked her down, a lot, the other night and she was grateful, but that was three days ago now and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't terrified of the inevitability of telling her mother. In fact, there's only one other person who's reaction she's more apprehensive about.

Lorelai is chatting away about her finding someone to marry someday and it aches. She already has found her someone, and if she hadn't have sabotaged herself at every turn the past couple of years she supposes that they could have been married by now. Instead, she's living a Lifetime movie, and a particularly poor one at that. Her phone pings with a break-up text from Paul and it's a relief, that's one thing off her 'to do' list.

Lorelai continues babbling about 'it' needing to fit and Rory fidgets so much she's practically out of her seat, desperate for her not to see her watery eyes - she's pretty sure that nothing has ever fit like her with him and look where that's got her?

She knows that this is not the right time for this announcement, but as her mother lectures her, it's all she can do not to scream.

Here goes … her voice cracks a little and then the words practically fall out of her mouth - no muss, no fuss, no elegance.

I'm pregnant.

And just like that, a bomb goes off in the middle of her mother's perfect wedding day.

"Mom …?"

Rory waits expectantly. Lorelai is quiet for what feels like a very long time.

"So this is what it feels like to be on this side of the conversation. I'm suddenly feeling a lot of sympathy for my mother. Not sure I can forgive you for that."

Lorelai exhales slowly before checking Rory over with a concerned look.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm okay."

"You've been up all night, you must be exhausted. The champagne …"

"I haven't had any champagne. And I'm … a little tired I guess but I feel fine."

"What are you going to do?" Lorelai shakes her head forcefully. "Sorry, that shouldn't be my first question. But … I mean, I don't want to be too crass, or forward but are you …?"

"I'm keeping it."

Lorelai nods encouragingly.

"That's good. If that's what you want."

"It is." Rory confirms, her voice clear and calm.

"I'm not sure that I even have the maternal instinct you're supposed to have but since I saw the result on the test there hasn't been any question in my mind about that."

"That's your maternal instinct."

"It's the rest of the practicalities that I need to figure out. But, as much as it was a surprise, if I'm going to have a baby with anyone, I would want it to be with him." Rory alludes to what she is sure would be her mother's next question.

"Ahh." Lorelai infers. "So, it's safe of me to assume that this kid's coming out with blonde hair and an affinity for jumping off things?"

Rory doesn't say anything but the sad smile gracing her lips is all the confirmation Lorelai needs.

"And it's definitely –"

"Yep, no qualms about it, definitely his."

"Have you told him?"

"Not yet."

Rory isn't entirely sure how she hasn't told him already, her hands itching to make the familiar taps on her phone. In her head, at least, she's told him about three dozen times. If it weren't for the wedding, she's pretty sure she'd already be on a plane.

"I thought it was over …"

"It was over. I mean, it is over. It was over, and then it wasn't over for just one night, and now it's over again."

"Yeah, one night tends to be all it takes."

Lorelai lets out an exasperated sigh. Keep your cool, she reminds herself. Remember that non-judgmental mom you've always worked to be, the one that enabled you to have this incredible, close bond with your amazing daughter – channel her.

"Honey, can we please talk about the Logan thing now? I know I haven't really asked much since that night in New York, you didn't exactly tell me a lot then and you haven't offered up much in the way of details since but I really think we need to talk now. I want to try and understand."

Rory shrugs uncomfortably and looks into the distance.

"Don't even pretend that you don't want to talk about it. You wouldn't have said anything if you weren't ready to tell me."

Rory fiddles with the hem of her sweater before turning to face her mother again. "I guess it was Friends With Benefits. I mean, it started that way …" Rory drifts off.

"In Hamburg …" Lorelai prompts.

"In Hamburg. I was there for that political activist story. He was there for some big merger. And we ended up at the same bar. I mean what were the chances of us meeting there, in a city neither of us had even visited before?

"We'd run into each other before a few times but it was always awkward, there was always some interference from friends or family; but in Hamburg it was as if enough time had passed that the hurt wasn't raw anymore and we were finally alone, together.

"He looked like the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, I mean talk about aging well Mom. And I was in my lucky outfit and there was this moment where he looked at me and I just knew that …" Rory has to catch her breath a little and blushes.

"The lucky outfit was about to get a whole lot luckier." Lorelai raises an eyebrow, rarely finding a conversation that couldn't be enhanced with innuendo, before resuming her more sober tone. "Weren't you already with Paul at this point?"

"Now you remember his name?"

Rory has the decency to at least look a little ashamed.

"Yes, I was with Paul and Logan was seeing Odette, his parents were applying pressure for them to become official. It was all relatively casual at the start, he wasn't engaged, I saw Paul about as often as I ever saw Paul. I know it was still wrong. How terrible does that make me? I knew it was technically cheating but I just squirreled it away in a box in the deepest recess of my brain.

"I had missed him so much, for years. Every guy I met and every date I went on was being compared to him and nobody matched up. I didn't even realise how much I missed him until I saw him. He walked straight up to me, all confidence and swagger and gorgeous blonde hair and that smile … and I was gone. I wanted him and I wanted who I was when I was with him."

Rory had struggled to find the words to start with but now she could feel the walls within her start to crumble.

"I remember being this scared and confused kid who felt out of my depth with Yale, holding onto high school boyfriends for God knows what reasons, trying to figure out who I was and who I was supposed to be and it just not gelling. Then I met Logan and everything changed. I changed. I didn't exactly do it in the most graceful or dignified way at times, but I grew up. I started to figure out how to get where I wanted. He let me believe that I could have anything, do anything … and then I saw him again in Hamburg, years later, and I wanted to be that person again. I wanted him again."

Lorelai nodded, urging Rory to continue.

"We had an amazing weekend," Rory stressed the adjective "and we both agreed that as and when we were both in the same place, more often London than anywhere else, that we would be together. But that other than those times, we wouldn't be together. And then it just kind of carried on and grew.

"I think I wanted more … I know I did, he did too, but we didn't talk about it. I didn't let him talk about it. I know that you're going to have all these opinions and feelings about Logan and you're going to make him out to be the bad guy but … he did everything I asked him to, he never pressured me for anything.

"I called him practically every day Mom. When I was upset, when I saw something funny, when nothing of any significance happened at all. I just wanted to hear his voice and I wanted to share everything with him. He'd proof my articles for me, he'd ask my advice on online media, we'd debrief after important meetings."

"Debrief? Dirty." Rory shoots her mother a look. "Sorry, I'm still in shock, I keep forgetting this is serious. Continue."

"And then all of a sudden nearly 2 years had passed and I was still seeing Paul, when I remembered, Logan had gotten engaged and Odette had moved to London. I could see from his phone that his mother was pushing for a wedding date. And he didn't seem to want to stop it, stop us. He suggested that I stay in a hotel, and I just … I felt like some kind of mistress. And I knew that if I didn't stop it then that he would probably go ahead and get married and I would still be slipping in and out of London, in and out of his life, and I'd become this sordid little secret. It wasn't supposed to become that, it was supposed to be simple. When we're together, we're together; when we're not, we're not." Rory takes a breath and looks to the sky, subduing the tears threatening to fall.

"Well I can't possibly imagine why it didn't work out with that irrefutable logic." Her mother retorted sarcastically. "My naïve child. It sounds like the least casual set-up I've ever heard of. Calling every day isn't Friends With Benefits, it's Friends-Who-Are-Married.""

Lorelai watches as Rory worries her bottom lip with her teeth, gazing out across the town.

"And what does any of this have to do with Vegas?" She questions, remembering something about a 'Vegas agreement' Rory had mentioned months prior.

"You know, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas …"

Lorelai frowns. "Yeah that's not what that means. 'What happens in Vegas' means if you blow all your bar mitzvah bonds on a round of blackjack or you lose your wallet in a strip club; not getting back together with your ex-boyfriend who you're still in love with when you're in the same city but his fiancée doesn't happen to be."

Rory rolls her eyes at her mother. "I didn't say I was still in love with him."

"You didn't have to."

"It wasn't supposed to be like that. We both agreed that we would keep things casual and not make more of it than we did."

"I think you've been kidding yourself." Lorelai snaps, her shock beginning to wear off and replaced by sleep-deprived irritation.

"No, you're not listening –" Rory begins.

"No. I am listening. I'm listening to you telling me how casual it was all supposed to be despite the fact that you had a boyfriend and he had a fiancée. If it was so casual, why didn't you tell me? Why did you pretend you had an imaginary friend in London rather than telling me the truth?"

"Because I knew what you would say, how you would react. Kind of like you did; like you are now!" Rory raises her voice.

"Well I'm sorry if I'm not exactly thrilled that you're pregnant with your engaged ex-boyfriend's baby and you seem to be firmly rooted in denial as to what you've been doing and how you feel about him. This isn't exactly how I pictured today going for me Rory!" Lorelai gestures forcefully and drops her glass on the step below.

The smash breaks her train of thought and brings her back to Earth. Rory has started crying beside her.

Her Rory; her perfect, sweet daughter. She's having a baby. And she looks terrified.

Lorelai inwardly scolds herself. It is taking everything in me to not be my mother about this. To ask her how she let this happen? To tell her what a mistake she's made. And apparently I'm failing miserably.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout. I don't want to fight." She reaches for Rory's arms and pulls her close for a hug. "And I didn't mean that I'm not thrilled about the baby. Of course I am. If you are, that is, then I am happy."

She leans back and holds her daughter's face in her hands. "My beautiful baby girl. We'll get through this. I'm here for you, I promise."

"I'm so sorry Mom. For all of this, but especially for doing this today."

She continues whimpering as Lorelai rubs soothing circles on her back.

"Oh God, I'm such an idiot. I'm single, jobless, homeless, writing a book about my life like some kind of middle-aged recovering drug addict reality star - and pregnant to top it all off. My life was more together 9 years ago, granted I was still single and heartbroken but I had a job – an actual paying journalistic job, one I wanted, one I was excited about.

"I hate how much I've screwed this all up."

"You haven't screwed it all up. Wait till you've at least had the kid, then the real screwing up begins …" Lorelai teases.

"Let me in, let me help you." She clasps Rory's hands in her own. "All that rambling about you and Logan just now? That's the biggest insight you've given me into your life and your heart in … I don't know how long."

Rory leans into her mother's embrace before pulling back and passing her a replacement champagne flute.

May as well keep offloading on her …

"I went to see Dad – I didn't tell him." She assures quickly. "But … I thought it might help."

"Did it?" Lorelai looks sceptical.

"It felt weird. Cold, even. He basically told me that you and I being on our own for all those years was destiny, the way it was meant to be. Like he had no choice. Like he didn't choose to leave us, to leave me. He chose to not be my dad, but it's like he can't see it.

"I don't know. Maybe I caught him on a bad day. He definitely saw me on a bad day. But … I guess I was hoping that he'd say that he regretted not being there when I was little."

"I think he does regret it. He just can't admit it."

"I don't know. I think I went looking for answers that don't exist, or at least don't exist with him."

Lorelai looks at her puzzled so Rory clarifies.

"I spent so long the other day crying with Lane about wanting to be with Logan, and what if he now wants to be with me too but only because of the baby, and that a relationship based on that would be destined to fail …"

"Lane knows?"

Rory nods before continuing, not picking up on the hurt in her mother's voice.

"And then I started to think … what if he can't make up his mind like Dad? What if he tries to flit in and out of our lives when it suits him? What if he can't separate our relationship from his relationship with the baby? They they'll suffer for it. Maybe it would be better if I tried to do it alone …"

Lorelai's heart breaks a little. They've always been close, sharing so much, but one thing that they haven't discussed as much as they probably should, is Christopher.

"For what it's worth, and I cannot believe that I am giving him any credit considering the fact that he has impregnated you whilst being engaged to somebody else – and I do not care how much you tell me that they have a very modern European polygamous arrangement, it's still trashy – but, your father and I have our own complicated history and whatever's going on with you and Logan doesn't sound like the same thing. I know how much he loved you … and though I can't speak for who he is now, I imagine he still does.

"And most importantly, if you want him to be a part of it, then you should at least tell him and put the ball in his court."

"I agree." Rory concurs calmly.

"I've never planned on not telling him. How could I not? I mean, even if I hadn't seen what keeping that kind of secret did to Luke and April; it's Logan … I couldn't keep that from him. I couldn't keep him from this baby, they deserve to know their dad. He'll be a great dad." She stifles a few tears threatening to emerge.

"I want to be prepared for the worst possible outcomes but that doesn't mean that I'm not hoping for a good one."

"So what's your worst possible outcome?"

"That he doesn't want me, doesn't choose me, us," she rubs her hand over her stomach.

"But that's not a new nightmare outcome, I've dreaded this for so long. It kills me to think of him marrying her." Rory lets out a strangled sob.

"So why haven't you told him that?"

"Because she's 'Huntzberger-approved'."

"What does that even mean? Do you mean his mom, it's Shira right?"

Rory half-shrugs.

"Shira's a bitch. Everyone knows that. Even Shira knows that."

"Are you quoting 'Bring It On' right now?" Rory knits her brows.

"It was Kirsten Dunst's finest hour, which isn't saying much but still." Lorelai jokes.

"So what if she's 'Huntzberger approved'? Logan didn't seem to care about that when you guys were together – you know, the first time, the less secret, less adulterous time. He asked you to marry him."

"And I said 'no'." Rory interjects, her head in her hands.

"Well, yeah, that had to be pretty jarring for the guy to be fair. I've been there, it sucks. But a proposal is just that – a proposal. It is not a command or an order. He had the right to ask, you had the right to turn him down."

"Yeah and why exactly did I do that? Did I do it because I didn't love him? No. Did I do it because I don't want to get married? No. I wanted to go off and see the world and chase down the best stories, become the journalist I always wanted to be –"

"And there is nothing wrong with that. You were so young and you weren't ready." Lorelai affirms.

"I know. I do. It's what I had worked for, what you worked for, all those years. I wanted to do it … free, with no strings. I didn't even know how to be string-less until I met Logan, he helped me to be brave, helped me trust myself.

"But there was this part of me, when I said 'no', that thought that when I was done being free and I was ready, he would still be waiting … I hear how selfish that sounds, that's why I could never verbalise it, even to him. Especially to him."

"It kinda sounds like he has been waiting, at least a little. I'm guessing you didn't have to do a whole lot of persuading to get him to go along with your 'Vegas' thing?"

Rory squirms. Her persuading mostly involved the two of them naked in a hotel room. It was always pretty likely he was going to go for that.

"But … and I know you don't want me to get all anti-Logan on you … if he really loved you, if he really is 'the one', then he should have waited for you to be ready. Back then, when he proposed."

"I know. And I should have told him that I've been ready these past couple of years. I should have told him how I felt. Neither of us is perfect, nothing is."

Their discussion is interrupted by Luke calling out that there's pancakes, sausage, eggs and coffee all ready for them to take home on the diner counter.

"Unless you find a man who'll marry you twice and make you breakfast. Then maybe that is perfect." Lorelai's smile spreads to her eyes that are shining with joy.

Rory mirrors her mother's grin. It genuinely thrills her to see her this happy.

"Come on, let's get it while it's hot, gotta feed you and this baby up." She quips as they begin to stand.

"Will you tell Luke for me? I mean, when I'm ready." Rory asks; she knows it's a little cowardly but she doesn't really care.

"Of course."

"Will you tell Dad?"

Lorelai sighs. "Sure."

"Will you tell Gra-"

"Not a chance in hell." She interrupts resolutely, whipping round to face Rory as they make their way down the steps.

"I have had the 'pregnant out of wedlock' discussion with my mother more times than I care to remember. This one's all on you."

Lorelai walks through the house after taking her first shower as a married woman; and her first since finding out she is going to be a grandmother. Mostly she thinks she is adjusting well to both changes.

She moves around the kitchen, putting on a pot of coffee and hears Rory rapping her fingers on the desk in her bedroom. She can hear typing, then the unmistakeable squash of the delete button being held down firmly, more typing, more deleting. There's also the scratch of pen on paper, then the rustling of paper being crumpled up and thrown to the floor. Then she hears Rory gulp as if to hold in a sob.

Rory sits staring at the notepad in front of her, her handwriting rushed and messier than usual; and also the open documents on her computer, where she has been darting between the outline, her notes and her draft chapters.

She naively thought that concentrating on the book would pass some time until she needed to get dressed for the 'official' wedding, but there's only one topic she seems capable of processing at the moment.

Since confessing her pregnancy to her mom, she couldn't seem to stop her mind racing. Well, to be honest, her mind hadn't stopped since she first suspected she was pregnant. She had too many thoughts and feelings (and hormones) to contend with and they were all seemingly at odds with each other. There is a gentle knock at the door and her mom enters the room.

"I thought I told you to get some sleep." Lorelai chastises gently. "I can't believe you let me keep you up all night while you're pregnant. You must be dead on your feet."

"I tried but I'm feeling pretty wide awake." Rory reassures; the adrenaline she's running on at the moment has her wondering whether she'll ever sleep again.

Lorelai gives Rory a kiss atop her head and takes a quick glance at the computer screen in front of her, reading the five words typed out aloud.

"'You Jump, I Jump, Jack'. Why the Titanic reference? This the chapter where you finally determine why there wasn't room on the door for both of them?"

"I thought you said you didn't want to read the book until it's finished?"

"I'm not reading anything, other than the chapter title, the page is blank." Lorelai reads Rory's dejected expression and sits in the chair next to her. "Okay, what's wrong?"

"It's about Logan," she sighed.

"The book, or the current state of your life in general?"

"This part of the book, it's supposed to be the 'Logan chapter', about our history."

"Only one chapter huh? It's gonna be a long one."

"I can't write it, I tried and my dozens of pages of notes resemble the ramblings of a mad woman. It's too hard to write about him objectively." She groans. "The book is so far down on my list of priorities right now anyway. Instead, I'm trying to organise my thoughts for how I'm going to tell him."

"About your scandalous love child?"

"That is not how we're going to refer to it."

"But I've always wanted a scandalous grandbaby. It's a Gilmore tradition. What else are the Hartford DAR ladies going to talk about for the next 20 years?"

"Is this what's passing as motherly advice these days?"

"You want my advice?" Lorelai peeks at the handwritten notes Rory has been scrawling. "Whatever you've got to say, say it first. Because he's not going to hear anything after 'I'm pregnant'."

"I have no idea the best way to do this. I can't believe this is happening. I thought we were done and I'd made my peace with it."

Lorelai gives her a disbelieving look.

"Sure. That's why you're finding it so difficult to write about him, because it's all ancient history and you're over him."

Rory opens her mouth to interrupt.

"Don't even try and object. Whatever ends up happening or not in the future between the two of you, you've been having an affair with him for 2 years and now you're pregnant with his baby. It's clearly not over, it was probably never going to be over. Whether or not I personally agree with or approve of what you've been doing - you're still in love with him Rory.

" … And maybe it's time you told him that." She finishes quietly.

"I can't believe that you're basically telling me to go for it with Logan."

Lorelai shifts in her seat. Denying that she was never a big fan of Logan or his relationship with Rory would be pointless, she wasn't exactly subtle about it. But, they are where they are and where Rory is, is pregnant. And in Lorelai's book, that calls for nothing if not unconditional support.

"I'm telling you to go after what will make you happy. If this is what you want, then I think you should get to have what you want.

"I know that I was a lot younger than you, but when I was pregnant all I wanted was for my parents to listen to me, and to support me. Obviously I needed them a lot more because of the whole being-in-high-school-and-having-no-home-or-income-of-my-own thing and that you don't need me like that, but I want you to know that you can rely on me.

"I will be there for you, no matter what, always."

Rory lets a single tear escape down her cheek before wiping it away with the back of her hand, shutting down the emotions that threatened to flood her.

"I know that Mom, I love you."

They envelop each other in a hug.

"I love you too Rory, so much." She breathes into her hair.

"Look at the time, it's getting so late. We need to go and get you married – again." Rory stands, closing her laptop and puts on her best bright smile.

"Rory," Lorelai tries to reach for her but Rory is already walking to the kitchen.

"Mom. I'm fine really. We can talk more later."

"Rory," Lorelai repeats, a little more pleadingly this time.

"Mom, please. I just can't right now. I've already taken up enough of your wedding day with my drama and seeing as we've had no sleep we should probably get our make up done soon. What's the point in failing finals if we're not pretty right?" she smiles, trying to remember her mother's words of encouragement from years gone by.

Lorelai stands and follows her out of the room pulling her into a side hug. "You got it kid, let's get ready. But if you need anything today, you want to talk at any point, please come to me. It may be my wedding day but I am always your mom first. You'll understand that soon enough."