CHAPTER 3

"Gwen... Gwen it's me!" a gentle voice fills the dark room, instead of looking up I shake my head. "It's not you I know it's not you."

The voice continues with a purr "It's me Gwen, It's Arthur."

I put my hands over my ears, deep down I know that this is just a nightmare, however I can't shake myself awake, I can just see myself, whilst being myself, fooling for the same trick again "no it's not, I know it's not you, I know it's not you," I repeat this phrase over and over telling myself that as long as I don't look up it'll be alright.

"It's me. I swear to you, It's Arthur... look at me, Gwen look at me." I sniff and dab my eyes, the voice is soft, gentle and caring all the qualities Arthur's voice has.

Every inch of my body is telling me not to look up but my mind isn't listening "It's really you?" I say looking slowly up at him "It is really you Arthur!" I repeat. Calm floods my body as I realise that Arthur has returned, he's back, this really is him and there's no reason to be afraid.

Arthur nods and offers a hand to help me to my feet, then just before I grab it he begins to shake uncontrollably and he starts to chuckle and laugh, a horrible evil laugh right at me. "No!" I scream because I fell for it again "no, no,no!" I cover my ears again and return to my crouching position, the screaming begins next. Men. Women. Children. I find my self screaming in return-

And then silence. I eventually look up. I'm in my bed, safe, unharmed. I try to move but that's when I discover that I can't. I'm stuck. I'm awake but I'm unable to move anything but my eyes. It feels as if a hundred sheets are pressed on my chest and every time I breathe out the weight increases, making it harder and harder to breathe in fully.

I feel frightened.

Very frightened.

Then a shadow on the wall next to me starts to crawl towards me and I know that I'm not alone in this room that a presence is beside me.

I can't breathe.

I can't move.

I can't-

It's over. The nightmare, it's finally finished, this time for real. I feel a lot more conscious and can move my body freely. I shiver and pull the covers over me. But even now the screams are still drifting through my mind. I can still hear the people's pain. lost. hatred. It's been three months, three months since my ordeal and yet still from that dream still so clear in my mind. I reach out for the safety of Arthur's arms, but then I realise he's not there. Nor has he been here for the past seven days. Not a word. I try to go back to sleep, but sleep will not come. I feel lost and alone without Arthur I wonder if he feels the same without me.

I stifle a yawn trying to get comfortable. Usually Arthur would have wrapped his arms around me and pull my head onto his chest. Then I would look up into his eyes and smiling I'd say "I love you Arthur." he would kiss the top of my head and reply "I love you too Gwen." we would then be still, silent, both breathing in time with each other and eventually we would fall into a deep, deep sleep… But he's not there, no matter how I try to picture him, my brain can't summon up an image of him. It's like he's already dea- no don't think like that, I mustn't think like that. He'll return…

He'll return.

^.^

I must at some point fall back to sleep, because I wake up and by the racket going on outside my window, so has the rest of Camelot. I get dressed in a simple blue dress but find that it doesn't quite flow off me quite right anymore. Gazing at the full length mirror I wonder if I have put on weight. Worry weight. I suppose. My stomach seems to be protruding, it's definitely bigger than before the battle. I take one last look of the room as if to check that Arthur isn't hiding behind a curtain, and begin to walk outside. Just at that moment the door opens a bit and ambles in Gaius followed by Gwaine and Percival.

"Well?" I ask before they say anything.

"We have news... about Arthur." says Gwaine. So I was right, they've found out something. I am prepared. I breathe in and out trying to convince myself that I am prepared.

"Is he alive?" I say hopefully.

"Better than that" Percival replies, a grin spreading across his face

"He's come back home!" Gwaine continues.

I am not prepared. My emotions take over and I have no control as the tears begin streaming down my face.

He's alive, He's alive. I just want to announce it to the world!

HE'S ALIVE!

Gwaine and Percival describe finding him and Merlin in the forest and then bow their heads and leave, so it is just me and Gaius left in the room.

"My lady." he says bowing his head in the predictable way.

"Gaius." I reply, meaning to say more but ending up not saying enough.

"I just came to see if you are okay, I mean you've been through quite an ordeal." he replies looking me up and down.

"I think I'm fine, just a bit overwhelmed." Gaius raises an eyebrow and glances at my stomach, before he can ask and before I tell him about the pains I've been having I blurt out "Gaius, I've been meaning to ask. The sorcerer? At the battle, you said you knew him… do I know him?" Gaius face twists uncomfortably, he sniffs "Please Gaius…do I know him?"

"Yes, I cannot deny it, you do know him" he nods, and so do I as the final piece of the mystery is solved. "He has taken great care of Arthur so far and he will always take great care of him." he continues his voice trembling with emotion.

"I'm sure he will." I reply with a small smile. I sigh with relief as if my corset has finally been untightened for the first time in these four days. Merlin… a sorcerer… it's amazing, incredible but… in a way he's betrayed us, all this time keeping his secret right under our noses, what if Arthur decides to kill him? I wouldn't forgive him… no, Arthur would never kill him. Would he?

Gaius looks at my stomach again "I think we need to have a talk." he comments and worry seizes up in my mind

"What about?"

"Nothing to worry about." he replies hastily, seeing the look on my face "but not right now. I'll be in my chambers when you want to talk. For now I'll leave you to Arthur." and with that final statement he sweeps out the room and is replaced by Arthur. I fling myself over him and he holds me tightly as well.

The rest of the day passes surprisingly quickly and soon it is night. I feel sure that I will sleep better tonight now that Arthur is by my side…

But I don't.

Shadows attack me and woman scream in my face. Black tar drips onto my face. But there is something else, something more terrifying in the room than all the shadows and screams. A presence. A petrifying presence that seems to be entering my mind, taking over, taking control. I struggle but the shadows of the wall hold me tight and still. I can't escape the shadowy figure. It is a part of me…

I wake up tense and shivery. Sleep has deserted me. I'm need to find Gaius.

^.^

Merlin's POV

This room, one so familiar to me and yet now so unfamiliar. I've been in this room hundreds of time. For fights, for betrayals, for kisses, for council meetings, for sentences and for trials... but I never thought I would be in here for my trial. I mean sure, I've been on trial before, but never before have I been in front of Arthur. What's he going to do, he certainly doesn't agree with my magic but how can he blame me for having it, for being born with it. Uther certainly would have, upon hearing the word magic he'd click his powerful fingers and deliver the final sentence, thinking that he had the right to play God... I am so sick and tired of people thinking they can control me and my destiny; I managed to defy a prophecy as old as time, which is why Arthur is still alive! From now on, if I get out of here alive, I am making my own way, creating my own future, my own destiny. At least Arthur is making the trial private. But I don't understand why he has to judge me here, a place so familiar, that it seems cruel to me for it to be used as the decider of my fate. I'm thinking so fast and breathing so heavily that, at first, I don't notice that I have been joined by other presences in the room.

Arthur strides in first, he smiles slightly towards me and I move out of his way, whilst he takes his seat on the royal chair. Gaius follows behind with Gwen, they are deep in conversation and have been since the early hours of this morning when Gwen came in. I didn't catch much of what was being said as I had my own worries to think about. Anyway I was tired after the ride back from the forest and sleep was very much welcome. Gaius is shaking his head at something she's saying. Gwen sniffs, red blotches surround her eyes and it's obvious she's been crying, heavily too. I really hope that I'm not the cause for her misery. Arthur relaxes into the wooden throne glancing at the doors, as if wondering whether to get the guards to shackle me now.

"Don't look so worried Merlin you're not in trouble. And before you ask, this isn't a trial." Arthur states.

"So why have you summoned me today?" I reply

"Can't I just talk to you without suspicion being raised?"

"Not when we're standing in the court room. If you wanted a cosy chat we'd be in your chamber, and you would be talking to me whilst I was wiping the floor or something."

"Now that you bring it up, my floors do need a wipe. But no that's not why I called you today." Arthur opens and closes his mouth clearly working out what to say. Whatever it is, he's struggling "This is hard for me to say Merlin, in fact this is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to say. Something I've never said to you before… Thank you." I gasp in spite of myself. I wasn't expecting that. A sense of relief and warmth over me.

"All of us and the rest of Camelot are in your debt, for without you, not only would the kingdom not have a king, but I fear the land would not have a kingdom on it, well definitely not a Pendragon one." Gwen says monotonously from behind, she sounds as if she's reading from a book. I look at her, properly look at her and see the shadows lurking beneath her eyes. She looks older than when I last saw her.

"Merlin, I want to grant you a favour, anything, I want to show you how grateful I am to you for everything you've done."

I Focus my attention on Arthur, seeing whether or not there is a catch. But no his blue eyes show the truth, my head rushes as I think of all the possibilities but I push all those thoughts away, knowing what I want, what I have always wanted.

"I would like... I would like magic... to be allowed in Camelot once more!" I say in a rush. I can see Arthur's smile flickering, a frown creeping slowly onto his face. I feel my eyes dart towards the floor knowing that this would be his reaction, feeling stupid that I'd allowed myself to get my hopes up.

"What about a feast?" Arthur declares, completely ignoring my words "A feast to celebrate our return!"

"Great." I reply trying to convey some enthusiasm when inside I'm feeling completely broken. I was so sure... so convinced... but maybe as usual I'd got it wrong.

^.^