A/N: Thank you for your really thoughtful reviews, especially re: Lorelai's perspective/reaction. I forgot to add a disclaimer at the end of the last chapter about this – I have seen Lorelai's response to Rory's pregnancy written so many different ways (from overenthusiastic joy to harsh freezing out) and to be frank, nearly all of them I can believe as she can be a bit of a loose cannon at times! So if even half of you can buy the way that I wrote her then I'll take that as a win.

Chapter title from 'Dark Side of the Gym' by The National.

Part 12

i'm gonna keep you in love with me for a while

Rory works on remaining poised and level-headed all day. She tries (and fails) to not think about the little bean settling in her belly and whose father she's about to send spiralling.

She just has to occupy herself until the wedding is over and she can call him; or maybe she'll hop straight on a plane and tell him face-to-face; maybe if she turns up on his doorstep without warning and looking peaky, he'll guess for himself and she won't have to actually tell him – ooh that's an appealing (and gutless) thought.

It's not as if she's wanting for distractions today - Steve and Kwan are participating in a hotdog eating contest for two whilst Mrs Kim's back is turned; Lane's in her element performing with the rest of Hep Alien; Doula is attempting to explain the intricacies of the vegetable cult to April; while Paris and Taylor are locked in a zealous debate about the relevance of local politics.

And then there's her mother. Growing up, she was convinced that she was the most beautiful woman on the planet and today she's absolutely certain of it. Lorelai is glowing, happy and at peace at last; though she does keep sneaking glances in Rory's direction to check that she is okay.

Babette hands Rory some envelopes ("It got delivered to us yesterday by mistake with all the hullabaloo with the dresses and flowers arriving."), she takes the small pile and smiles at the label of 'Mr and Mrs Danes' on the top card.

"I'll take care of them." She assures and wanders over to place them on the gift table.

Lane appears at her side after the band finish their set, with two glasses in her hand. She offers one to Rory.

"Sparkling cider." She says with a wink. "I promised to help keep your cover, remember?"

"Thanks." She responds with a smile.

"So how are you doing?"

"Good …" Rory nods. "Paul broke up with me."

"Great timing from him."

" … and I told my mom about y'know."

"Wow." Lane's eyes widen. "When?"

"This morning."

"Wow." She repeats. "Your timing is … questionable."

"I know. It's like I couldn't keep it in any longer. I kind of just … jabbered on at her, it would not be entirely inappropriate to describe it as 'word vomit'."

"How'd she take it?"

"Pretty well actually. I don't really want to push the subject any further, because I feel like the reaction I got from her was the best I'm going to get. She's on a high with the wedding, I imagine that in a few days she might have some more to say."

"It's Lorelai." Lane explains. "She'll want to support you. And she'll be an amazing grandma."

"I know, but it wasn't so long ago that her and Luke were considering having a baby; and now I'm having one instead, and with Logan – who she's never particularly cared for and who represents everything that she hates."

"Speaking of …"

"No, I haven't told him yet."

"I'm surprised you've managed to keep that in. The other day you were desperate to talk to him."

Rory smiles awkwardly. She was a complete mess when she called Lane after finding out she was pregnant. She thinks she used up nine months' worth of hormonal tears and hysteria in three hours.

"I still am … in a way. But there's been the wedding to concentrate on and it's probably for the best that I've waited a little. I've been working on what I'm going to tell him, how I'm going to tell him and … if I'd have called him the other night I would have had precisely zero filter."

"Maybe zero filter is what the two of you need. Less dancing around the truth."

Rory nods anxiously.

"Part of me thinks that this baby could be the push in the right direction that we need, to sort our crap out. And the other part of me feels like an idiot who doesn't deserve happiness for not sorting it out already."

"Babies do have a way of providing a focus that you wouldn't have otherwise." Lane bestows wisely.

"What if … he doesn't react well … when I tell him?"

"I think surprise pregnancies can elicit a wide range of reactions. Remember how Zack reacted? Remember how I reacted?!"

They both chuckle softly.

"The initial shock wears off and you figure it out. You guys will figure it out. And I'll help you, like you helped me."

"I hardly did anything."

"You distracted me with Henry Miller."

"Oh God …" Rory cringes.

"You know what, if you hadn't gotten so good at sexting, maybe you two would have broken up way earlier and wouldn't have ended up in this position." She mocks.

"So what you're saying is, I should blame 'Sexus' … ?" Rory narrows her eyes in jest.

"Well, I don't want to say that you only have yourselves to blame but …"

Rory smiles at her best friend's teasing.

Lane quickly tilts her head to warn Rory that Paris is approaching them.

"What are you two doing skulking around whispering in the corner?" Paris accuses.

"We're in the middle of the town, there are no corners to whisper in. And Taylor actually has a very strict 'no-skulk' policy." Lane deflects.

"Ugh, that man! He is infuriating. I tell you, he wouldn't last one minute outside of this pretty postcard town. If I have to explain to him once more about how unelected officials endanger our democracy …" Paris rants.

She reaches for Rory's cider glass. "Do you mind?"

Rory starts to protest.

"What is up with you today? You're being so weird. You cannot possibly still be hungover …" She brings the glass to her lips and smelling the contents, retracts it and stares at Rory with widened eyes.

"You have got to be kidding me! Who writes your scripts?!"

"What are you talking about …?" Rory attempts to bluff but the guilt on her face gives her away.

"Don't even try to convince me that you're not currently cultivating Huntzberger spawn … Oh God please tell me it is Huntzberger's … And I never thought I'd be saying that, this is how low your life choices have dragged us!"

"Paris, ssh! How can you even tell?!"

"I'm in the business, this is my bread and butter … well that's one way to get him back I suppose?"

"I didn't plan this!" Rory stresses under her breath.

Paris rolls her eyes. "Sure." She looks behind her, distracted by Tim and Gabriela's cries. "Crap! The kids are into their third round of cake, I need to get over there."

She gestures to Lane. "You got this?"

Lane nods.

"Don't even think about choosing an OB without me, I'll send you a shortlist later tonight." She instructs Rory firmly before darting back towards the children.

Rory sighs audibly.

"I'm gonna say what I always say – you are the one who continues to be friends with her." Lane jokes dryly.

Rory returns to mingling with the other wedding guests as Lane relieves her mother from twin-watching duty. She gets herself some cake and is sitting at a quiet table when Emily comes up to her, desperate to escape a conversation with Liz.

"Well it's certainly not my personal style but your mother does know how to throw an enjoyable event."

"Actually, it was Kirk who did a lot of the execution … you remember that man who came to dinner that time." She points at him, cradling Petal like a baby in between his and Lulu's arms on the dance floor.

"Ah … of course. Well that explains a lot." Emily shrugs.

The older woman sips from her glass, surveying the scene in front of her.

"Your grandfather would have loved to have witnessed this. To have had the chance to walk her down the aisle."

"I know." Rory agrees. "I think he would have loved that you got to do it though."

"I was very honoured that she asked me. It meant a lot."

They smile at each other, a tear forming in each of their eyes.

"It's just such a shame that it's taken them so long to get here. So many lost opportunities. When they could have just been … happy."

Rory wipes away some more tears. She feels ridiculous; like some kind of sobbing machine, everything is setting her off.

"Rory, are you okay?" Emily asks and though her granddaughter emphatically nods, there is more anguish in her eyes than that owed to missing her beloved grandfather.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" She challenges deceptively.

Rory sighs in disbelief.

First Paris; now Grandma. Have I got some sort of sign over my head?!

She deliberates for a moment (What difference is one more person knowing going to make?) and takes a breath before rushing though her reply.

"I'm pregnant, Grandma.

"And the baby's father is Logan.

"We've been seeing each other for … a while. In secret. Now we're broken up. Again. I thought it was for the best, but …

"Obviously, you already know that he is engaged to somebody else. And I was also seeing somebody else too.

"It's been a bit of a mess."

Rory takes one more deep breath.

"I'm very sorry if this disappoints you. I know that I was supposed to be better than this. Everything you and Grandpa did for me, gave to me. Grandpa would be ashamed to see me like this.

"I really am sorry."

Well, she thinks, that would absolutely be defined as 'word vomit'.

Rory stares at her hands after finishing her confession, but her grandmother remains silent for so long that eventually she raises her head to look at her.

Emily's lips are pursed as though she is weighing up how she should respond. Then she speaks in a clear and measured tone.

"No one is, or will ever be, ashamed of you. Not me, and certainly not your grandfather.

"Obviously this isn't an ideal situation, but there is time to sort that all out. A baby is a blessing. You were a blessing to this family and you turned out beautifully despite your mother being a lot younger than you are now and insisting on handling things alone. You are a grown woman, with an education and a career to be proud of. And you don't have to be alone. I, for one, will do whatever I can to help you."

Rory bursts into tears and collapses into her grandmother's arms.

"Thank you Grandma."

"Thank you for telling me Rory, for trusting me enough to share this."

"You're a lot calmer than I thought you would be." Rory explains as she leans back into her seat and reaches for a tissue to dry her face.

"Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's the sea air in Nantucket … Or maybe it's the Valium I had this morning."

Lorelai walks towards them, having witnessed Emily's shock and Rory's breakdown and deducing what had likely caused it, she decided to go and help diffuse the situation.

However, she arrives at the table finding things remarkably peaceful.

"Mom. Rory. Everything okay?" She says as she sits down.

The three women share looks, letting them all know exactly who knows what.

"Everything is fine Lorelai. There is no need to come and rescue her from me. I was simply letting Rory know that whatever she needs, I will support her."

"Well this is a new look for you." Lorelai cracks snarkily.

Emily responds with a tut and a roll of the eyes, then refocuses on her granddaughter.

"Just remember Rory - you are a Gilmore, not a Pennilyn Lott."

Rory furrows her brow. "I'm not following Grandma."

"Your grandfather was engaged when I met him. He wasn't for very long after that." Emily raises an eyebrow.

"Mom." Lorelai admonishes.

"Engaged isn't married, it means there's still time."

"Mom!"

"Besides, his heart isn't in this marriage. It's obvious that this is an arranged match and there's only one reason why they would have such a drawn-out engagement. It's clearly not what he wants. You should help him see what he does want." Emily gives her a sly look.

Rory's eyes go wide. "I beg your pardon?"

"Don't try and be cute Rory. You clearly have some wiles seeing as you're pregnant."

"I can't believe these words are coming from your mouth." Lorelai shakes her head.

"Don't be so naïve Lorelai, sometimes if you want something you have to be ruthless and go after it. I'd argue that the man you love and the father of your child would be worth a bit of tenacity. French heiresses be damned."

"When exactly did I become the moral compass out of the three of us?!" Lorelai exclaims incredulously.

Emily turns to Rory, gesturing towards her daughter.

"Do you want to be nearly 50 before you get to marry the man you love, the man you're meant to be with?"

"I am NOT 50." Lorelai responds fiercely. " … Hold on, you think that Luke is the one I'm meant to be with?" She murmurs, genuinely touched at her mother's admission.

"Please Lorelai, it may be your wedding day but it is not all about you."

Rory sighs, she's convinced that these two women could find a reason to bicker over anything.

Thankfully they're interrupted by calls from the dance floor.

"So when do you plan on speaking to Logan about this? I assume you haven't yet?" Emily quizzes her.

"Mom, don't lecture her about this." Lorelai pleads as she is dragged back to the party, mouthing 'Sorry, kid' to Rory as TJ enthusiastically begins to spin her around.

"If she had her way, you wouldn't involve him at all." Emily mutters critically.

"I don't know, she's been supportive so far, even though Logan is … not her favourite."

"Well I like Logan," Emily declares. "In some ways he reminded me of Richard when he was younger. The two of you would make a darling family; I've always thought so. As did your grandfather, if that would help sway you."

Rory smirks at her grandmother's complete lack of subtlety. She thinks she likes this less inhibited version of her.

"It's been very … complicated with Logan. I wish that I had … been more honest.

" … I feel like I've wasted so much time." Rory admits.

"Yes. And now you're wasting even more." Emily reprehends bluntly.

"Every day you don't go after what you want, every day you wait, is another day wasted, another day you won't get back. And listen to me Rory Leigh Gilmore, you want to have all the days together that you possibly can."

With that, Emily stands, places a comforting hand on her granddaughter's shoulder and leaves Rory to contemplate her words.

Rory is making small talk with Michel and Frederick a little while later, anxiously wringing her hands together and jittering up and down on her feet when Lane pulls her to one side.

"You should just call him."

"Now?!" She replies in shock.

"Now or never?"

"It is not now or never, there is tomorrow and all the days after that. All the days that are not my mom's wedding day. I can't do this on her wedding day."

"You are kind of already doing this on her wedding day. Do you honestly think she will have thought about anything else since you told her?

"You're freaking out, and it's understandable. I get it, I do. But everyone else is picking up on it too and unless you plan on telling quite literally everybody you know before you tell Logan, I would just call him now. I'll stay with you if you want."

Rory is quiet, and absorbs her friend's words. Eventually she nods.

"Let's go to the diner, it's empty, it'll be quiet and private. I still have a key."

A few moments later, Rory is staring at the phone in her hands, willing herself the courage to dial.

"You will feel better once you've spoken to him." Lane reassures, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"What if he hangs up on me, what if he hates me, what if he never wants to see me again, or the baby?!" Rory speaks, her words becoming more and more frantic.

She was so sure earlier, she knew that she had to tell him, that she wanted to do it soon. But now, nerves overwhelmed her.

"Even if any of those things happen, which personally I feel is unlikely, at least you will know. You can let yourself out of this limbo."

"Do you really think I should tell him on the phone? Won't that freak him out?"

"I imagine he's going to freak out a bit regardless of the medium."

Rory nods. Now or never.

She presses the 'call' button and holds the phone to her ear.

"It's going straight to voicemail. Wait, don't panic!"

"I had no intention of panicking." Lane deadpans.

Rory takes a deep breath.

"Hey. Hello. Hi. It's me. Rory, in case that's not clear. I'm not sure who else you know who would begin with three different greetings but ... yeah.

"So, I know I said that we probably shouldn't talk any more but that was stupid. I've picked up the phone to call you like a million times since … you know.

"I have some things that I need to say, some things I need to tell you. God, there's so much I need to tell you." Her eyes drift down towards her still-flat stomach.

"And ... actually you know what else is stupid - our whole Vegas thing. That's not even what 'what happens in Vegas means', did you know that? Of course you do but you just let me keep on rambling on about it because every time you tried to bring it up, I shut it down. But I'm not shutting it down anymore. I'm ready to talk about it now ..." Her voice breaks as tears start to well up.

"So anyway, I really need to talk to you but I don't want to just talk to your voicemail. So ... call me back?"

Lane nods, encouraging her to come to an end but Rory doesn't stop talking.

"Or we can meet in person ... yeah it's more of an 'in person' conversation. But hey, the Atlantic Ocean is big, second largest ocean in the world, so we can just talk on the phone if that's better."

Lane grimaces, she probably should have helped Rory prep for this call.

"So, yeah, call me back when you get this message and we can talk then and I can say what I need to say." She begins to withdraw the phone from her ear before jolting back into her one-sided conversation.

"Actually! I just have one thing that I need to say before I speak to you.

"Don't get married.

"Just in case you were going to in between me leaving this message and us talking - don't.

"Don't get married.

"I know that I should have said it sooner and you've been waiting for me to say it, you were waiting in the tango club, I was going to say it but then I didn't say it, but I am saying it now.

"You should not get married.

"I mean, you should, if you want to, but only to me.

"Wow, okay, that just slipped out! I probably shouldn't have said that on your voicemail."

Lane makes a 'wrap it up' gesture.

"So, in summary, call me back and don't get married. Okay, bye."

Rory presses to end the call and clutches the phone to her chest, shaking.

"So that's what an out-of-body experience feels like." She looks towards her best friend.

Lane gives Rory a thumbs up and a slightly maniacal smile.

"Stellar. Your best message ever I would say. It would probably have been quicker to play the audio of 'War And Peace' in full -"

"What have I done? I couldn't have just said 'call me when you get this'?"

"Well you did say that, in amongst the other stuff. At least you didn't blurt out about the baby, that would be tough to pick up on a voicemail."

"On a scale of 1-10, how crazy did that sound?"

"Well … I don't think I needed to worry about your mouth and brain developing a filter."

"Great." Rory paces back and forth, her anxiety rising to previously unparalleled levels. "I wish I had my tap shoes right now."

"Shall we head back out there?" Lane gestures to the lively wedding reception. "It's almost time for the second flash mob and I've been rehearsing for 3 weeks straight so I don't want to miss it."

Rory gazes out of the window, she thought that calling Logan would alleviate her stress, not add to it. Why could he not just pick up?!

Logan taps his foot impatiently; a relatively quick cross-country flight has never felt this long. He never wanted to be one of those people who feels bereft without their phone, in fact, he's always relished their incapacity in the air. It's a welcome change from the constant pings of emails and texts.

But then, he's not usually attached to it because he's waiting for the response to him laying his heart on the line.

He'd been kidding himself, canvassing online for different apartments in Hong Kong's Central district, when he decided to just do what he should have done the second their phone call ended, and do as his sister told him to.

He was going to follow Honor's advice – keep it simple. And what's simpler than putting pen to paper?

It's very Rory.

But …

Maybe it was a bad idea? He wanted to give her a chance to process what he's saying without pressuring her, but he's realising now that in doing so, he's effectively placing himself in limbo for an indefinite amount of time.

And all he's got for company are his own pathetic thoughts, allowing him to play out all the ways in which he's screwed up, all the ways he could continue to screw up in the future. Convincing him that now she's going to know for sure what a feeble, lovesick excuse for a human being he is and why would she even want that?!

After he'd sent it, he wished that he'd explained more, apologised more but he figured he'd articulated a pretty clear, solid message and if it was enough to give him a foot in the door; he could explain, apologise and hopefully get some answers from her too.

But …

Should he have been even clearer? Should he have gone bigger?

I should have asked her to marry me, he berates himself. Screw the letter, I should have just turned up with the world's biggest diamond and gone for it …

… No!

If there's one thing he's actually managed to learn in his life it's that the shock proposal was a really bad idea the first time.

He thinks she loves him, right? He knows she loves him?

But … he knew she loved him before, he thought she was going to say yes when he proposed.

Didn't make that any less of a fuck up.

"I am useless, I am an idiot … I'm actually going mad." He mutters under his breath.

It's only been a day, he consoles himself. She should have received it yesterday so maybe she's just taking her time to think about what he's written … and wasn't that the whole point?

Maybe she hasn't even got it?

He knew he shouldn't have sent it to Lorelai's house. He'd seen a photo of them together on Instagram and inferred that she was probably at home again. But maybe she isn't.

Perhaps she is but Lorelai or her overindulged dog got to the letter first and destroyed it.

He should have just sent an email. Letters are more romantic but read receipts bring peace of mind.

Why did he get himself talked into a last-minute board meeting in Palo Alto as soon as he'd got to the US? Why didn't he wait to mail it to her until he'd got back to the East Coast and could … keep his ringer set to loud and wait around uninterrupted for the phone to ring?

He's woeful. It's official.

His brain doesn't stop torturing him until he lands and he can amuse himself with the routine of airport arrivals.

His phone awakens from airplane mode, buzzing with several notifications but there's only one that catches his attention.

A new voicemail from Rory.

Shit! He knew that he shouldn't have left himself un-contactable after mailing it to her.

He has to pause and find himself a wall to lean against before allowing himself to listen to it.

This could be her telling him it's over (again).

To tell him to stop being such a weird stalker and who even sends letters these days?!

But by the time she's gotten to "hi", he can practically feel her nerves alongside his own and it's comforting, and he knows that this was the best decision he's ever made.

He smiles automatically as he listens to her ramble adorably.

She's not making the most amount of sense, but she's calling him so he'll take what he can get.

She'll say something about the letter soon, right?

"I'm ready to talk about it now"

Yeah, this doesn't make much sense at all.

She can't have got it.

So she's just calling me out of the blue because …?

"Don't get married."

If it were possible, his smile grows wider.

He's waited so long to hear those words.

She wants it too. Even without the letter.

All of a sudden, a dozen different possibilities flash through his mind and they all include their shared study and countless coffee cups loaded into the dishwasher and no more mentions of 'Vegas'.

He listens to it again straight away so that he can be sure he isn't hallucinating.

There's a driver waiting for him but he relieves him and books a rental car instead. Messages Honor to make his excuses for family dinner at their parents' house.

Before pulling out of his parking space he debates calling Rory once again.

No. What he wants to say, he wants to say in person. He wants to hear what she has to say in person.

He settles for a few quick texts instead.

Just got off a flight.

On my way.

See you soon.

Then another quickly –

xxx

And finally -

PS: Check your mailbox

A/N: I know this is not a popular approach but as if I'm keeping them apart longer than is strictly necessary, watching AYITL was enough masochism for me.