CHAPTER 9
Arthur's POV
Crushed. Broken. Destroyed. There are too many words to describe how I am feeling right now. Gwen. my love, my life. We were meant to grow old together. I carried on living, even when I was meant to die, for her, for Camelot. We were going to be parents together. I can't lose Althea, I can't. My mind rushes back to the scene before me
"DO SOMETHING." I scream desperately "ANYTHING! Bring her back,"
Merlin is frantically casting a spell, but I know in my heart that it's too late… and It's all his fault.
"Arthur…" he stops. Tears are welling up in his eyes, his sorrow is reflected in me. We're Crushed. Broken. Destroyed.
Part of me, the logical part of me, knows that it isn't Merlin's fault. If his magic was still a secret, it would have been even harder for him to help Gwen and Althea. But the logical part of me isn't working, instead my whole body is fuelled with anger and bitterness… I raise the sword and slam it down. It narrowly avoids Merlin's head. I swing down, again and again. But he dodges all the blows.
"You're using magic right now." I shout.
"Arthur Stop it, you don't want to hurt me."
"Yes, I do, I want to hurt you, more than I've wanted to hurt anyone in my life!"
"Arthur, listen to me-"
But I can't listen, I won't listen. The future has disappeared underneath my feet, nothing I do will ever fix what he has done. I stop focusing on Merlin and trying to punish him. Killing him won't help, it won't bring back Gwen or Althea. No, if I can't get them back, then I'll join them. My hands shake around the hilt of the sword, it clatters to the floor with a thud. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. I can't see properly. Everything is so blurred and painful and empty. There is no hope, no future, no meaning. I grasp for the sword and stumble onto my knee.
"Merlin…" I whisper softly.
He's by my side, holding me, clasping me…
I hand him the sword.
"Do it Merlin, do it and be free…"
^.^
Merlin's POV
The sword feels heavy in my hands. A weight worth a thousand souls' rests in my fingertips. My mind is thrown back to when Excallibur was first burnished in Kilgharrah's breath. "The sword is made for Arthur and Arthur alone, it possesses great power and in the wrong hands could do great evil." my hands are the wrong hands, I could do great evil with this sword.
I could kill Arthur with this sword.
It would be easy, and he wants me to do this. All I have to do is deliver a well-aimed blow to either the throat, the heart or the stomach. My trembling fingers clasp around the hilt, the sweat makes the sword sticky and even more dangerous. I pull it back ready to thrust it forwards.
What am I doing?
I come to my senses all of a sudden..
I feel giddy and my breathing begins to increase dramatically. Voices whisper in my head, telling me to kill him, telling me to end it all, telling me that I will be free, that all of magic will be free.
But I know that these voices aren't real. This isn't what I want.
This isn't my destiny.
"I'm sorry" I manage to proclaim, I throw the sword across the room and it skids to a halt. I scramble upwards out through the door and down the stairs. I don't stop, I can't stop. My heart is pounding and my head is moaning but I know that I have to put as much distance between me and Camelot as possible, there are evil things back there. Things I can't control.
…
^.^
Night time… the darkness crept up on me unexpectedly, the sun had, for ages, been emitting a golden light through the forest canopy, but with almost no warning, that light disappeared and I was plunged into a darkness. I'm sitting on a log, with all sorts of thoughts rushing through my head.
I almost killed Arthur.
Almost…
I suppose that's the important thing.
I didn't.
But I was this close…
Now I can't ever go back, I felt the power of the sword underneath my hand, I saw the damage that I would have brought about, but I also see the relief of the situation, it would have been like a fresh gasp of air… a new dawn for Camelot and all of Albion… that's what scares me the most.
I almost killed him.
I almost killed-
I swallow trying to block out the lingering dark thoughts of my mind. It's almost as if a voice is willing me to go back to Camelot, finish the job…
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
"I don't want to kill Arthur… I don't want to kill Arthur, I want Arthur to live, he is my king, he is my destiny, I'm not going to kill Arthur," I mutter to myself, but these words are interrupted by the piercing screams of death and destruction and a little bit of me, a tiny bit, is yearning to be the leader of this death and destruction, I want to relish in it and conquer Camelot, I want to be the almighty being, in charge of peoples fate, I could be king of the world. I want to be king of the world
I gasp. I slap myself. I leap up from the log and begin to run, but I can't run away from my own thoughts. They hunt me down like dogs, snapping at my heals, willing, demanding, forcing themselves to be listened to.
This isn't me, but at the same time it is.
I'm losing control, I can't breathe, it's taking hold, it's got me in its grasp…
No…
No…
Come on Merlin stay in control,
stay in –
^.^
Arthurs POV
I'm still alive.
My willingness to kill myself has gone, but I am also too broken to remain alive. Gaius has given me a potion. But no number of potions will ever fix me. The space next to me feels empty, it used to be filled with the small fragile body of Gwen, but now it is bare. Villagers outside my window are still mourning, even though it is the dead of night. I lay on my bed, unable to live, but unable to die. Why did Merlin ever save me? Maybe Gwen would have lived if I had died like I was meant to. My thoughts turn to Merlin. I wonder where he's disappeared to. I need to talk to him. But I can't face it. I can't bare looking at him. Our friendship can never be repaired, go back to what it used to be… things were so much simpler when he was just my servant and I was just the prince. I should have let Gwen marry Lancelot, then she may have lived, I should have got Merlin to reveal his magic sooner and done something about it then. I should have done so many things differently.
But I didn't.
I just have to push through this…
Things will get better, they'll never be right again, no the void created by Merlin's magic, Gwen and Althea's death and my… my arrogance can never be made right, but I refuse to believe that this is the end, there has got to be a happy ending for me, for Albion… even for Merlin. I will not let our faults come between us. I will bring magic back to Camelot, then maybe Merlin can forgive me, and in return I can forgive him…
But at the same time, can I really trust him.
For every time Merlin has done something amazing and has saved my life, there is also a counter argument.
If he had just told me that he had magic. Then I wouldn't be lying here with a dead wife, no daughter and a feeling of mistrust and deceit.
A knocking at my door causes me to stir.
"Enter," I command, not attempting to hide my lack of enthusiasm.
It's Leon and Gwaine and Percival.
"Arthur," Leon states coming closer, "We are so sorry-" already I have heard enough and raise my hand in reply.
"Don't… it isn't your fault, any of you."
"Sire, you say that in a way as if you believe there was someone at fault?" Leon questions.
I weigh up my possible answers in my head but the one I finally decide on isn't the one that comes out of my mouth. I was going to say; "you're right, no-one is to blame" but instead and I don't know what forces me to do it, my lips form a name, a name beginning with M. And once I say that name, there's no stopping my flow of words, I end up telling them his secret, the one he kept for so many years in fear, the one that he gave to me in trust and confidence…
It is a mistake as soon as I say it.
…
Aithusa's POV
I hear her calling out in my dreams. She stands in a cave summoning me. I cannot refuse her call, she is a high priestess of the old religion, she was my lady and in many ways still is. Kilgharrah isn't around, so I don't feel the weight of betrayal, the betrayal that I should feel. I think that as long as I live, my heart will be divided between Morgana my mistress and Kilgharrah my kin. But as I fly towards the opening of the cave, I know that I am breaking my bond with Kilgharrah, what he revealed to me and showed me in my last dream, was with complete trust and a promise… so why I continue to fly, I cannot explain, but her voice, I need her, I want her, I crave her…
"Aithusa." Gentle, soft, loving, Morgana welcomes me with open arms, she embraces my neck and sobs quietly into my skin. I murmur softly as a response, unable to find my voice. I don't know whether this is because my voice was a gift from Kilgharrah, or because I don't need words to understand Morgana.
She speaks to me in a soft whisper, stroking my back as she does so. I know this is a dream, but again, like with Kilgharrah, her touch is real, her voice is real.
"I've missed you. It's lonely without you, I'm sorry I left you." She sighs and I rub my head into her, sensing her worry and distraught. "I need you to do something for me, and then, only then can we be together again."
I listen, silently, as she talks. I take in every little detail about her, and as she reveals her plan my stomach seems to feel giddy. She finishes and waits for my response. But I cannot think of one worthy enough for her.
How can I tell her that I don't want any part in her plan?
"Aithusa?" she asks, impatience and unease creeping into the edge of her voice.
But I cannot do what she wants.
She seems to sense my reluctance and her nostrils flare "I command you to obey me!" she begins to chant and I try to ignore the spell, but I can't escape her eyes, the words, the cave. I need to wake up, but I can't. I can't.
Awake once more… and once more something has appeared that makes me wonder if it was a dream at all.
…
^.^
Merlin's POV
Shapes surround me.
Silence fills the space, it is too noisy for me.
A figure is approaching. But I can't see them, I can't see anything.
They reach me.
And then I'm being carried…
Carried far away from the nonsensical shapes.
…
"Hello Emrys."
I never thought I would hear that voice again.
It pierces through me like a sword, it makes me leap up in fright. Except I don't leap. I'm trapped on the floor. I can feel my arms and legs pinned behind my back, my stomach pressed against a flat surface of rock. There is a weight on my back restricting my movement, it's crushing me slightly, making breathing slightly differently. Morgana bends down in front of me. She isn't exactly real though, she has a shimmery blue quality about her, almost ghostly… is this what became of Morgana's spirit?
She mockingly strokes my hair "I thought we could play a little game." She sneers, and although I feel her breath, I also don't… it goes right through me. "Every time you tell me something incorrect, the rock above you will get lower, and will slowly crush you to death. So, behave and you can live… for a while that is…"
"Morgana, be nice." I know that voice as well.
I gulp, knowing this cannot be good.
"But Mordred, why should I be nice, when he is so cruel?"
He smirks. Not that I have a good viewpoint, but I can just tell. They then seem to forget about me, continuing their conversation, perhaps knowing that I can't focus on it, what with my head being so foggy.
Finally, they reach a natural conclusion and Morgana is beside me once more.
"Aren't you curious…"
"Curious about what?" I manage to mutter. My voice sounds old, croaky, destroyed.
"About how you ended up in this predicament."
I sigh "I suppose you're going to tell me anyway."
She licks her snake like lips and smiles "Always were an annoying one. Weren't you. Always interfering with my plans to kill Arthur and restore magic to the kingdom. We shared the same goal after all. You and Me, we're the same"
"I could never be as poisonous as you." I spit
"But that's where you're wrong. Come on Emrys, let's compare the facts. " she counts them off on her ghostly fingers "We both want magic to return to Camelot, we are both prepared to kill to get there and we both have a common interest in Arthur."
"Enough games, just kill me, or torture me, or do whatever it is you're planning on doing. It won't work."
"It will this time."
"You've brainwashed me, poisoned me, brainwashed other people, killed Arthur, killed other people and are still no closer in achieving your goal. Also, you're dead, so I would say that your certainty can be questioned"
"Just because I'm dead, doesn't mean I don't hold any power." she lifts up her arms and begins to chant "O Aithusa, e Morgana soi ftengometh tesd'hup anankes! Erkheo" a flash of white lands in front of me.
Aithusa.