Chapter 18

When Darcy had arrived in Town, he had gone straight to the offices of two prominent physicians. Both were out, and he had arranged for them to come to Darcy House, wither Colonel Fitzwilliam had been taken on Darcy's orders, immediately upon their return.

Seeing his cousin, usually the most robust of men, looking so thin and drawn, and hardly conscious for more than a moment was a severe shock to Darcy. He had been expecting the weakness and pallor but not the wild, haunted look in the roving, unseeing eyes.

The card of Fitzwilliam Darcy brought both doctors rather quickly as its owner had anticipated. Sometimes, he decided, having people constantly vying for your favor had its advantages and this was certainly one of those times.

When the first physician arrived and removed the bandages on the Colonel's left leg, Darcy had to look away to keep from retching. Angrily, he steeled himself to meet the doctor's announcement with his usual stony face.

The diagnosis was a hopeful one.

"The wound has not become infected yet," The doctor began cheerfully, "And, therefore, there is no need for an operation at the moment. Under the normal circumstances of war, a soldier is frequently exposed to infection and the surgeons have so many patients that attending to the healing process of each wound is impossible. Therefore, the many operations. Your cousin however, was very fortunate to be wounded in a decisive battle, and have a place such as this to recover in. With proper attention and a clean environment, the chances of infection will be greatly reduced."

"But what of the fever?" Darcy asked.

"His fever is caused by the severe pain and trauma he has been suffering under, nothing more."

Darcy nodded, the relief plain in his eyes. "What are the chances of a full recovery?"

"That depends on how well the wound heals. It appears to be the only the flesh around the calf that is badly torn, and I will give him several stitches personally. I would say that he might recover completely, but he will need a cane for at least a year."

The second doctor was of a similar mind and Darcy wrote home, to tell Elizabeth the good news.

Dearest Elizabeth,

I arrived in time to stop the intended amputation. I consulted with two of the best doctors in London who assured me it was unnecessary in this instance. There is every hope of a full recovery in time. Richard's life is in no immediate danger unless infection sets in. He is, however, very low in his mind right now and I feel I must stay until he is well enough to travel home with me.

Charles has been informed of the case and will ride over sometime in the next few days to see if you have need of anything.

God keep you.

All my love, Fitzwilliam

Elizabeth read the letter, kissed it, and hurried off to share the good news with her sisters.

Determined to see his cousin well again, Darcy threw himself into the role of nurse with all the energy he possessed. A doctor came once a day to dress and examine the wound, but Darcy was seldom far from the room, only quitting it when another person, servant or doctor, took his place for short time.

On the fifth day of his stay in Darcy House, Richard opened his eyes and looked straight at Darcy for the first time. Fitzwilliam was on his feet in an instant and bending over his cousin. Richard reached out a feeble hand, the fingers emaciated and white, and placed it on Darcy's hand.

"Can you hear me now Richard?" Darcy asked, clearly but quietly.

"Yes. Where am I?"

"At my house in London. You have been unconscious for some days now."

"I know. That is, I know you have been here for some time."

"That he has!" boomed a cheerful voice from the door as the doctor entered. "My dear Colonel Fitzwilliam, your cousin must hold you in high regard. He has barely left your side for five days."

Darcy looked angrily at the doctor and Richard almost smiled at his cousin's discomfiture. He knew Darcy would not want thanks, so he did not offer any. Instead, he only applied a gentle pressure to Darcy's hand.

When the doctor had done his work, announced that the fever had broken, and gone again, Richard turned to Darcy and asked in a horse whisper, "What happened. Did we win?"

Darcy surmised correctly that Richard was referring to the battle. "Yes Richard. Napoleon is put away for good this time and the Napoleonic Wars are, to all appearances, over."

Richard's face showed a flash of joyful pride which was quickly replaced by the usual haunted look. Darcy tried to make him smile. "I am surprised you needed to ask. Don't we British always win over the French?"

The smile came, from the mouth, not the eyes. "Not always," was the short reply.

Darcy wanted to ask Richard what he meant but, fearing that too much strain would set him back, dropped the subject temporarily. He sat quietly until his cousin slept, then called a manservant to take his place while he went off to wash and sleep soundly for the first time in a week.

Colonel Fitzwilliam continued to mend physically, but mentally, he was not the same man. Darcy watched him with furrowed brow and worried eyes as he lay listlessly. The Richard of yore would have been fretting at his enforced inactivity, grumbling that he was quite well, and probably giving dazzling smiles to the maids who brought his meals and dusted the room. Now he lay, hour after hour, without showing the slightest interest in his surroundings.

Darcy was sitting at the desk in Richard's room, writing a letter to Elizabeth, when Richard said unexpectedly, "You are very lucky man, Darcy, to have had the chance to marry a woman that you really loved."

Darcy felt that this might be the beginning of the long-delayed explanation of Richard's indifference to his own recovery, so he set aside his letter and moved his chair closer to the bed.

"I agree, Richard. I count myself among the most fortunate of men."

"I envy you." Quietly.

"Have you despaired of finding a woman of fortune whom you can also love?"

"It's worse than that."

Darcy's face showed his alarm and Richard smiled a little. "No Darcy, I have made no breach of honor. I think I am rather too honorable instead."

"May I enquire as to your meaning," Darcy asked in a matter of fact voice.

"A few hours before I was wounded, I met Lord Farley for the first time."

Darcy looked surprised, but let the narrative continue without comment.

Richard told him of the surprise attack, and Farley's valiant action. His voice shook as he finished, "When the horse started, I fell, and that moment, the bullet hit his back, where mine was but an instant before. He risked his life for me and was killed by the shot that should have ended my life."

Darcy sat silently for a moment, then said, "It seems to me that Lord Farley was a truly heroic man, but I think that you blame yourself for his death, when in my opinion it does not rest on your shoulders."

"Not his death perhaps, but his life."

"What do you mean."

"I mean that I have no one whose grief would be insupportable if I died. Farley had. His actions prove his nobility of character, and I have taken him from those who needed him."

"Anne?"

"Yes, Anne. He would have taken her away. She might have recovered her health away from her mother's tyranny. She might have been happy, and I, I have stolen that from her."

Darcy made no reply to this outburst and Richard continued, "I see no other course of action that befits a gentleman, then to offer myself to Anne in whatever capacity she chooses, in replacement for the husband I took from her."

"That seems a little excessive to me," said Darcy.

"You would do it if you were in my place and did not have Elizabeth."

"I suppose I would," he admitted.

"I must, or I shall never be able to live with myself, knowing that she was at one time miserable at my expense."

"And do you believe you could learn to love her? For I do not think she deserves to be condemned to a loveless marriage even if it means escape from Lady Catherine."

"I don't think I could ever love her, truly. You know that you couldn't."

"You place to much emphasis on what I would or did do. I have never considered our temperaments to be alike and I think that you are far more elastic with your affection than I am."

"When I speak of what you would do, I am speaking of what any honorable man would do, for that is what you are."

"And your happiness depends on your doing the honorable thing, since someone has honorably sacrificed themselves that you might live? I think you are right, although I fear what it may bring should your resolve fail you. I am not implying that it will, only stating the possibility."

"It must not fail. I have life… I must not fail."

Darcy saw that he was becoming excited again and rose with the words, "Well, you have not even seen Anne yet. Who knows if she or Lady Catherine will even have you?"

Richard bit his lip and Fitzwilliam left quietly, to let his cousin think over the conversation, and then fall into an exhausted sleep.

In ten days more, Colonel Fitzwilliam was pronounced well enough to travel to Derbyshire in Darcy's large comfortable carriage. They took their time, stopping each night. Richard reminded his cousin wryly that they had often made this trip together on horseback in a few days. Now it took over a week.

They arrived so late that Lizzy had given up expecting them that day, having received a note from her husband saying that they would arrive either that evening or the following morning, depending on how well the Colonel stood that day's journey.

She was going over the house, making sure that all the doors and downstairs windows were locked for the night, as she always did, when she glanced out and saw the carriage pulling up, and a tall form that could only be Darcy's get out and hurry up the steps.

A sudden mad desire to be in his arms came over her, he had been gone for nearly a month, and she turned and ran down the hall in the direction of the main door where she could hear his determined knock.

The footmen were eating their suppers and there was no one in sight. Elizabeth fumbled with the large lock, wrenched it open and dragged one of the huge doors back.

Then Darcy was holding her, and his dear voice was saying, "I've missed you so Lizzy."

Colonel Fitzwilliam winced a little in the carriage as he watched Mrs. Darcy fling herself into her husband's arms.

After a moment, he saw her coming down the steps and soon her little hand had taken his own and she was saying, "Dear Richard, I am so glad you are here." The simple words, which meant that she was glad he was alive as well as glad of his arrival, warmed him in a way that made him unable to reply. He knew she understood. Elizabeth always understood.

The coachmen and Darcy assisted the Colonel to a room on the ground floor which Lizzy had prepared for him, so that he would not have to go up the stairs. She bustled around, making sure he was quite comfortable and then left him alone, to dream of her kind smile. A manservant was assigned to the little room next door and Lizzy went upstairs, satisfied that he would spend a comfortable night.

When Darcy exited the washroom, having rid himself of the dust of the road, he found Lizzy curled up on the sofa, waiting for him. As he settled down beside her, she snuggled up to him and laid her head on his chest. He gently removed the pins from her hair and began running his fingers through her dark curls.

"I could hardly sleep the whole time you were gone," she said, lacing her fingers with those of his free hand.

"Nor I," he said, "At first from staying up with Richard and after that from missing you."

"He looks different somehow, even besides the weakness," she commented.

"You notice everything!" he said wonderingly.

She smiled and bounced upright beside him. "Tell me," she demanded.

"So that's where you get it from," was Lizzy's comment when Darcy finished his account of his conversation with Richard.

"I do not follow you," he replied.

"That ridiculous sense of responsibility for everything and anything that goes wrong in the world. You must get it from your mother's side of the family, because Richard apparently has it too."

"You think he is wrong?"

She softened a little. "No. I only think that very few people would feel the same. And," with the sweetest of smiles, "it makes me realize anew how lucky I am to have such noble men in my family."

She slipped into his arms and he held her tightly. "It is no more than you deserve, Elizabeth."

"I hope he is not signing away his own happiness forever."

"Richard is high spirited by nature. He knows how to make the best of things."

"Well, I suppose the first thing is to get him well and strong again."

"And I think you are just the lady to do that," Darcy said with a smile and a kiss.

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I had more trouble writing it than any other chapter so far. Writer's block I guess. :P

Thanks for all the great reviews on the last chapter. Also, I can't believe this story now has 100+ followers! It blows my mind every time I see it. Thank you all again.