Chapter 23: December 1815
Darcy and Lizzy arrived the next day. A letter from Charlotte had reached Lizzy and they had come at once.
Tears flowing freely down her cheeks, Lizzy took little Catherine from Richard and covered her with caresses. Richard knew that no matter what happened, Lizzy would help him.
Darcy took over the legal work and soon had the documents required to hand the guardianship of Catherine Anne Farley over to Richard Fitzwilliam. He did not offer to take a share in it, knowing Richard would not want him to, but he offered to take the child to his house in Town while the family were there or until other arrangements could be made for her. Richard gratefully accepted.
The morning before the Darcys were supposed to leave for Pemberley, Richard rose and left the house. He walked through the long grass by the pond, not minding where he went, his thoughts tumbling about like stones in a river, becoming smoother with each turning. Life was short. There was so little time to make amends.
He looked up and saw Elizabeth, walking alone down the nearest path.
He approached her and, taking off his hat, stood holding it, waiting for her to speak.
"Will you walk with me Richard?" she asked kindly.
He fell in step beside her.
"You knew I would be walking this way," she said. Richard tried to read her tone, but her voice betrayed nothing of knowledge or ignorance.
"Elizabeth. I had to see you. You are the only person I feel I can turn to for advice. My worries have changed from those about money to those about raising a little girl." He paused. "Have you? Has… Kitty said anything to you?"
"About what?" she said, but he knew that she knew well enough.
"Elizabeth, I will not have you tease me like this."
She smiled, and they walked on in silence for a few yards before she said suddenly, "Richard, what would you say if I told you that Fitzwilliam was refused on the occasion of his first proposal to me?"
He stared at her blankly. Realization dawned on his face. "Here?"
"Yes. Did you know?"
"No, I only knew that something was wrong with Darcy when we left," he paused. But deceit had gotten him nowhere. He looked at her earnestly. "I think he was not the only one who would have proposed when we were all here for the first time, had circumstances been different."
He expected her to look shocked, angry, to do anything but what she did, which was to keep walking with no change in pace. He could only walk beside her in silent discomfort.
Finally, she turned to him. "It has caused me much pain these last weeks to think that you might have thought I encouraged you to hold on to such a hopeless attachment. Please believe me when I say that I only meant to give you what I know you never had; a loving family to come home to."
"I think I knew your heart better than my own. I never doubted what you wanted, only what I wanted. I trust this conversation shall not end the chance of us being what you hoped."
She turned to him and her smile was as bright as ever as she held out her hand to him. "You and I shall always be the best of friends, Richard," she said, and he knew that she meant it.
He took her hand and pressed it and, in that moment, the strange charm she had had for him for so long was gone. It was replaced by a kinship of souls, which he felt was infinitely sweeter, because she too, would treasure it.
He spoke in a rush. "Your words lead me to think that you do not find second proposals unacceptable."
"Ah, you are too hasty. I must know if I must continue to torment myself, being correct in my assumption that my sister refused you on the grounds that you cared for me instead. Only then, can I tell you if I think you may try again."
"Do not torment yourself any longer Elizabeth. The fault was totally mine. I was too confused and stupid to tell her what I knew hazily then and so clearly now. I promise on my honor that I love Kitty for who she is. Except perhaps at the very first, I never thought of her as being you or like you. You are so different, except in certain looks perhaps. You both had places in my heart, I was just much perplexed to decide who went where. I tried to fit you into the same place and almost lost both of you."
"You need to tell her that, not me."
He nodded. "I intend to."
"I have no objection to your rehearsing your lines with me." And he could hear the laugh in her voice plainly.
"I think Darcy waited quite some time before he tried again for your hand. Do you think it is too soon? I would wait any length of time for Kitty, but I have what few men and very few men of honor have when seeking a bride and she very much needs a mother."
"You will have to ask Kitty how fast you should be allowed to proceed," Lizzy said demurely.
"So much for you helping me rehearse," he growled.
She laughed. "Well go on." Making a shooing gesture.
"You will bring Cathy to Town when you come?"
"Of course."
He gave her one thankful look and then hurried off, in the direction of the stables. She waved encouragingly after him.
"Was that Richard?" asked a voice behind her.
She spun around to find Darcy coming up behind her. "Indeed, it was," she affirmed, taking the arm he offered her.
"Are you going to tell me what you were discussing?"
"He wanted to know how long to wait before attempting a second proposal. I have no experience myself, so I made free to refer to yours."
"Lizzy, you did not," he said, undeniably embarrassed. "I only concealed it from him for your sake."
"Well, then you can have no objection to my having told him now. However, I fear that he refused to take your hesitation to renew your address as an example and has set off at once."
"Am I to understand that this proposal has been made recently?"
"Yes. Very recently. But I shall not tell you any more until the matter is happily settled. Then, when I have gained the necessary permission, I will gladly tell you all you wish to know."
"If I did not trust your judgement so thoroughly I would insist on being told. As it is, I will keep my theories to myself and wait your pleasure."
"Thank you for that. For you know I am always hard put to refuse you when you use that pleading look of yours on me.
"I should stop doing that," he admitted with a laugh. "But it always seemed to work well on my mother when I was four and it has not failed me since."
She laughed too, but there were tears in her eyes as she thought of the two women, both named Anne, who were not given time to enjoy their children. She thought of William, and she thought of her secret hopes and a great longing to see her little son came over her. He would be one year old in less than a week. She leaned her head on Darcy's shoulder. The two walked on, arm in arm, through the falling leaves.
Kitty was sitting in the parlor with Jane and Georgiana when the footman announced him.
She could not believe her ears. It was impossible that he should come, knowing she was in the house. Perhaps he felt he must call upon her sister and meant to make further intercourse unnecessary. But that was ridiculous. They were related by marriage and must often be together.
There was no more time for reflection before he was in the room.
She could not look at him, but she heard him address Jane and Georgiana in what sounded like almost his usual cheerful voice.
Then she must speak to him. She knew not what words passed between them. She could not meet his eyes.
He sat down by Georgiana, where he felt most comfortable at the moment, and Kitty had time to shake herself for her foolish emotions which the sound of his voice, she had yet to see his face, awakened in her.
Jane offered her condolences on the death of his cousin and Georgiana and he exchanged a few memories of Anne.
Richard could not imagine how he could get a word alone with Kitty under the circumstances. He was determined to do nothing to draw undue attention to their connection, not wanting her to feel that he was compromising her in any way.
Georgiana was not blind however. She had seen the change in Kitty's face since Richard went away, and she had seen his eyes as he bent over her friend's hand. Thus, after a few minutes she suggested an excursion, to which Kitty eagerly agreed, feeling that anything was better than sitting here. Jane declined, and Richard offered himself as an escort to the two young ladies.
In a few minutes they were walking down the street.
"I seem to remember a promise of yours to buy me a new song when next we were in Town together," said Georgiana, turning to Richard.
"Indeed, the promise was made and will be kept. Here is the music shop as I am sure you were aware of. Let us go in and you can browse as long as you like, providing Miss Kitty has no objection."
She had none, and they went in. The shop was empty, much to Richard's satisfaction. It was not the most private place, but it would have to do.
Kitty began to leaf through a music book, trying to appear at ease. She became acutely aware that Richard was standing beside her. She glanced up at his face for the first time and saw the desire to speak to her plainly written on his face.
"Sir," she said, wishing to choose the subject of conversation herself. "I couldn't let you leave us without first telling you how noble I think it was of you to take your cousin's daughter to raise."
He shook his head. "It wasn't so very noble. Catherine is a sweet child and, although I promise I had no thought of gaining it when I offered to take her, Rosings is mine until she is of age."
Her breath caught in her throat when he mentioned the child's name. Then she smiled angrily to herself. Of course, the name was for his aunt and the child's grandmother, not her.
"And what shall you do once she is of age?"
"I hope to raise her well enough that she won't throw me out," he said with a smile. "But I also intend to invest the entirety of my very small fortune and make a profit on it over the next twenty years. Darcy recommended Mr. Gardener's business as a good one to invest in. Then I and whatever family I may have may live comfortably even if she does send me packing."
Kitty smiled a little. Did he intend anything by mentioning the word family?
"Miss Kitty, this may not be the time or the place, but I must tell you that my feelings for you are still as strong as ever and, if you will allow me, I wish to refute the charges you placed at my door at our last meeting. If you wish that I should not speak I certainly shall not, but I cannot give up."
"Why did you not refute my statements at once?" Her voice was unsteady.
"Because I was a fool who did not know his own heart. I hope I know it better now and can say that the feelings therein were always true to you, only I did not know it."
"You may speak if you choose," she said evenly.
His speech had given her time to collect herself, while it made his emotions more unstable. He had to take a moment to pull himself together.
He glanced around but Georgiana was still very much absorbed at the back of the room.
He began, "I have always held Elizabeth in great esteem and was once perhaps foolish enough to think that I loved her. I know now that it was not love. But I was drawn to you from the first for reason of your charms alone. Your great perception, your sweetness and gentleness and at the same time your spirit, which I saw when you stood before me with those blue eyes flashing like those of the angel who barred the way to paradise. In short, Kitty, I love you, heart and soul for who you are. I may have cared once for your sister, I will not lie, only assure you that I now care for Elizabeth as a dear friend only. But I promise that I never thought of you as the same person. She is like a sunny day and you like a moon and starlit night. I know… I know there are certain things I said which may have added to the convictions you stated but believe me they were entirely unconscious. I have been... entirely unconscious in all my dealings with you. Please forgive me. I will strive to be so no longer," he finished beseechingly.
"I think I was wrong to speak so harshly to you," she said, with her head still turned away from him.
"Never, I shall be grateful for it to the end of my days."
"I do not know quite what to say Sir. You have given me much to think about."
"And I do not ask for an answer at once. In fact, my proposal is that we spend the season here as planned, after I ask your permission and that of your father to court you and make amends for my past recklessness. Once you have had a season to see that my eyes and heart are for you alone, then will you give me an answer?"
"Yes."
He had to bend low to catch the word, whispered in a low voice.
Georgiana was crossing back towards them with the carefully chosen paper in her hand.
Richard paid for it and the three returned to Harley street, where Richard left them and walked back to his lodgings, his heart nearly singing with joy. She had not refused him a second time and, in the spring, if he could prove himself worthy, she would be his and he hers forever.
A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews on the last chapter! You people are amazing!
Do you think Richard has cleared things up? Sorry if it happened a little fast. I was tired of the angst and ready to move on. Any guesses on what all will happen next? :)