In spite of his late night the night before, Dr. Josh Davidson worked enthusiastically the following day, seeing patient after patient, giving advice and care, and in the afternoon he performed the first in a series of surgeries in their makeshift hospital in the village. To his colleagues, he seemed tireless, but Josh himself knew that he was, in fact, exhausted and distracted, and was simply pushing himself to keep going so that his mind didn't dwell on things that it shouldn't be dwelling on.
Such as the image of a beautiful redhead spilling her secrets as the moon rose over the rain forest that seemed determined to haunt him.
She was a child, he reminded himself. Compared to him, anyway. Okay, so she was an adult - most college students were at least 18, right? And she couldn't be younger than that or she wouldn't have been able to come on this trip. So at least it wasn't illegal or anything.
Not that he was thinking about her like that.
Because she was his ex-girlfriend's future stepdaughter. And that was just wrong. He didn't want to make their family drama more awkward. Alexis was a sweet girl, and he wanted to do right by her. And that meant thinking of her in a purely platonic, avuncular, doctorly kind of a way. He had asked her to trust him, as a doctor, and she had, and he took that trust very seriously.
It was wrong, and that was the end of the matter.
Yet his mind kept wandering back to the brilliant blue of her eyes, the way her hair shone even in the starlight, her slim waist and full breasts creating such an enticing silhouette as she shyly agreed to use his given name, peeking up at him from beneath her lashes.
He was going to hell. The special hell.
Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
And so he did what he always did when faced with a personal problem: he buried himself in his work, which, thankfully, he genuinely loved and found really absorbing. There were literally hundreds of patients to see, and by the end of the day, he was exhausted. One of the nurses, Anna, a cute, curvy brunette whom he suspected was more than a little interested in him brought him dinner shortly after the clinic closed, and he thanked her - but could not muster up any deeper feeling, even as she smiled at him hopefully. Once he had finished eating, he excused himself, and headed out to wander - the first real break he had allowed himself that day.
Cutting through the village, he nodded politely to the villagers who all greeted him as he passed. He wandered past the camp, noticing that the scientists were all relaxing after a day of hiking through the forest. Some were still working, writing up notes or consulting computers or textbooks. More were lounging around chatting. One group of younger students were playing with a hacky sack, with much laughter and more than a few village children who were full of curiosity about these newcomers. Yet Josh saw not a single redhead amongst them. Not that he was looking. It was simply a casual observation; his one real acquaintance among them wasn't there.
He sauntered further, exchanging greetings as he crossed the camp, and found the beginnings of the path along the riverbank that both he and Alexis had independently discovered last night. Here he stopped, because squeals had caught his attention, and glancing up, he saw a number of village children splashing in the water, most of them naked. A few of the environmental scientists were out there, too, and Josh felt his breath catch as his eyes landed on the beautiful redhead, who, he finally admitted to himself, he had been seeking.
Her hair was loose, cascading down her back, and she was clad in a simple navy blue bikini that was really quite modest, considering, but which still displayed the perfect porcelain of her skin. She was laughing, carefree, diving around the children and splashing them before darting away, her halfwit curly headed friend laughing with her.
Josh glowered. Anyone could see the boy was keen on her, not that he blamed him. And really, it was quite appropriate - they were the same age, after all, and on trips such as this romances were bound to blossom. It didn't mean he had to like the boy.
He moved a little further up the path, away from prying eyes, and continued to watch her. There was an innocence about her that he found himself drawn to, a zest for life he found captivating if only because he was so often surrounded by sickness and death, and he could not look away.
Then, all of a sudden, their eyes locked.
Josh felt like he'd been punched, like all his veins were on fire. The smile had dropped off her face when she saw him, and she stood, breasts heaving and bikini dripping in the water that barely reached her waist. Her eyes raked down his form, and he felt like a blushing schoolboy, standing dumbly in the bushes by the river. Then one of the children splashed her, and she laughed, throwing a playful comment over her shoulder.
He watched as she looked back at him, and jerked her head in invitation.
Well, it had been a long, hot day. Kicking off his shoes, he peeled his shirt over his head, then dropped his pants, figuring his boxers would do well enough for swimming in, and waded into the water.
He didn't miss the way her eyes lit up with delight when she saw him approaching, nor the way they almost immediately darkened as they wandered across his chest. He felt her gaze as if it were her very fingers, and he plunged into the delightfully cool water in a vain attempt to prevent his body from reacting to her.
One of the other college students - about half a dozen were in the water, including Alexis and her shadow - had brought a fluorescent orange frisbee in with them. The game, apparently, as far as the children were concerned, was to pile on top of whichever visitor had the frisbee and try to get it, before it got sent flying to the next person, causing much laughter and many chases as Pi, in particular, inevitably missed. Josh caught it neatly the first time it was tossed to him, and threw it to one of the others who was standing the farthest away. A couple of the children looked disappointed that he had sent it flying so quickly, and he winked at them.
"Next time," he promised. He knew they couldn't understand his words, but they seemed to understand his meaning and beamed up at him.
Sure enough, the next time he caught it, he held it up in the air. Next thing he knew, about a dozen of them swarmed on him as if he were a jungle gym. He could take them, of course, and took a few steps just to prove it, to their delighted shrieks of laughter. Then he chose a good stretch of water and pretended to trip over, dramatically crashing down, dunking the few still clinging to him and splashing those who had seen what was coming and tried to move away. He carefully held one of the smallest ones as he completed the maneuver, then relinquished the frisbee to the child who was delighted to have a chance to have the toy for a moment, and raced away, the others following in a pack.
Above the shouts and squeals, a beautiful, tinkling laughter rang out, and he glanced over to the source. Alexis. God, she was beautiful. She sent him a mischievous glance as the frisbee sailed back toward him, plucking it neatly out of the air in a perfect intercept a split second before he could catch it.
"My turn," she giggled, waving it at him.
He advanced slowly; in truth he didn't care at all about the frisbee, but everything in Alexis's body language was an invitation, and he was not stupid enough to turn her down. "That was meant for me," he replied, sure that his grin was belying his attempt at sternness, and she shook her head, backing up as he advanced, and hiding the frisbee behind her back.
He lunged, wrapping one arm firmly around her waist so he could control their fall, and brought her down into the water with him in a tackle. Of course, he had to pull her a little closer so that he could reach around her a wrestle the frisbee away, but she didn't seem to mind at all, laughing as he eventually managed to extricate it and send it flying.
He held her, breathless, as she gazed up at him in his arms, her grin slowly fading from her face, her eyes wide and blue. For a moment, the whole world dropped away, and there was nothing but Alexis.
Then came an authoritative shout from the river bank - one of the mothers calling the children in as the sun had already set - and he was forced to release her as the whole crowd trooped back to the river bank. He separated from the rest to go collect his clothes, and slipped back to his tent, still thinking of Alexis and trying to figure out exactly what had passed between them in the water.
The evening was spent around the campfire, talking and singing and exchanging stories - sometimes as a collective and sometimes breaking up into smaller groups. Josh didn't get a chance to sit next to Alexis, but he found himself seeking her out with his eyes from time to time, and exchanging laughing looks from across the circle, almost as if they had their own private conversation going on. The firelight complimented her hair and made it glow, and he had to keep reminding himself not to stare at her ethereal beauty.
It was still fairly early when they all turned in, though. It had been a busy, intense day, and the next would be likewise. Yet as Josh approached his tent, he knew he would not be able to sleep that night. Not with Dr. Redfern sleeping in the tent next to his and almost immediately settling in to snore. It wasn't like their tents were exactly soundproof. Josh glanced toward the track by the river. Alexis had disappeared into her tent at the same time as the rest and there was no reason to suppose she was up for another late night chat the way they had the night before, but.. what he really needed was some time alone to think, and their spot just up riverside track was the perfect place for it. Quietly, being sure that none of those settling into their tents should be disturbed, he made his way up the path and settled himself on their boulder.
At first he tried to think about anything other than Alexis. He thought back over his day, in particular over the handful of more unusual cases he had seen. The majority had been fairly straightforward and a little humdrum, but a few stood out, and he cast his mind over the details as the river flowed past just a few feet away, and the forest canopy whispered in the breeze. He thought about his practice back home in New York, about his latest email from his parents filled with news of old family friends. He thought about the weeks ahead, and the difference they were making here to these people.
Then he could think of nothing but Alexis. Her eyes, her hair, her smile. The way her swimsuit had managed to be so modest and yet so enticing at the same time, highlighting the creamy expanse of her skin, making him so aware that it was hiding more than it was revealing. The way the water clung to her eyelashes as she played in the river. The music of her laughter. The light and the invitation in her eyes. Surely he wasn't imagining it? Yet there was such a difference in their ages, so much pain in the scant history they shared. She couldn't possibly be thinking of him the way he was thinking of her. Not when she had so many other choices right in front of her - several members of her team were young men around her age, and it was much more likely that she was crushing on one of them.
Then he thought about the way she felt pressed up against him as they wrestled for the frisbee, and he groaned, burying his head in his hands. Her skin had been cool from the water, smooth and soft, and her curves had fit against him snugly. Really it was no wonder he couldn't sleep.
But anything that passed between them had to come from her. After all, he might be misreading everything, and he had seen enough horrific injuries caused by men forcing themselves on women on his missions with DWB to have very strong opinions on the subject of consent, and with her comparative youth it was especially important in this case.
No matter how his body reacted to her.
A snap of twigs sounded behind him then, and he could hear the soft sound of footsteps approaching behind him, and all of a sudden he knew he had not come out here to think at all - he was here in the hopes that she would be here, too. And as she quietly perched on the boulder beside him, his heart soared.
"Hey," she greeted him, wriggling a little to get comfortable. She was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt, and had a blanket around herself. Not that it got really cold overnight, but compared to some of their daytime temperatures it was definitely cooler. Her hair was in a thick braid that fell forward over her shoulder, and she looked adorable.
"Hey. I'm glad you came," he smiled at her, and the little crease between her eyebrows vanished.
"Is it really okay that I'm here? I saw you sitting as I came up the path and you looked so deep in thought that I wasn't sure if I was interrupting," she explained in a rush.
"I was hoping you'd come," he admitted. "If I really wanted to be alone I wouldn't have come here. I really enjoyed talking to you last night, and…" he broke off, not sure how to say that he wanted to get to know her more without it sounding… well, exactly how he meant it, if he was being honest.
But a pleased smile lit up her face, and her whole posture seemed to relax. "I'm glad. I really liked talking to you, too."
A moment passed between them in which no words were spoken but they mutually delighted in the others' presence.
"Sooo…" Alexis began a little breathlessly, "I feel like you know a lot about me, but I know hardly anything about you. Have you always lived in New York? What made you decide to join Doctors Without Borders?"
He laughed, and launched into anecdotes about his childhood in Queens, his grandfather the surgeon who was his inspiration, and then grew more serious and told of his driving need to help those less fortunate, to bring healing to the broken.
"That sounds incredibly worthwhile. I've never experienced that. I still don't know what I want to do," she said wistfully.
"I've never not wanted to do this," he replied slowly. "Even when it's got in the way of relationships and-" He cut himself off, remembering her relationship to his ex.
"What did happen between you and Kate?" Alexis asked. "If you don't mind me asking, that is. I know this is… weird."
He felt his jaw work as he chose his words. "You can ask me anything, Alexis. Kate was… Kate was something else. So full of fire and hurt, and gorgeous. We met through Lanie Parish - we knew each other from med school and I bumped into her and Kate at a bar one night - and both of us were carrying so much tension from our vocations that when we connected it was… combustive."
She had shifted so that she was watching him, and he couldn't help blushing a little at what he was confessing, but he was determined to be honest. "That's all it was, at first, but then we started meeting for dinner beforehand and… Both of us saw so much darkness every day so we never talked about anything serious, which should have been my first warning sign. Then she kept talking about Castle, and even then I just knew."
At the mentions of her father's name, Alexis's eyes dropped and she shifted back to staring out at their view. He took a deep breath and kept going. "But I was starting to really fall for her so I ignored it. I figured I was the one she chose to be with so I couldn't complain, you know? But as we got more involved it became clear that I was going to have to choose between her and doing this, because she would never choose me over her work so any sacrifice would have to come from me. That should have been a warning sign too, but I really wanted to make it work, to be her everything. Only I was never allowed close enough. And then she got shot and I guess she used the chance to be honest about her feelings for your dad, because she dumped me before she left the hospital and I haven't seen her since."
He glanced at her as he finished speaking, trying to gauge her reaction. She was staring out across the river watching the moon rise over the trees, and seemed lost in thought. "Alexis? Whatever happened between Kate and I… it was almost two years ago. I don't regret being with her but I can see now that we weren't right for each other. I really am happy that she's found someone she can really be with, even if it is the guy I was jealous of when we were together. She always held herself back from me so I'm glad she has someone who really gets her, who she won't have to give up her life's work for."
Alexis sighed, still with her eyes turned to the scenery. "Thank you for telling me," she said, subdued, then burst out, "I wish I was like her. She has everyone falling over themselves to be with her, with just one flash of her big, sad eyes. Just once I'd like someone to look at me the way everyone looks at her!"
Josh blinked, a little taken aback by the sudden storm, but he recovered quickly and responded, "Kate has a lot of admirable qualities, like her strength and her work ethic and her tenacity. And yes, she is beautiful, and yes, she draws men like moths. I was one, so I can admit that. But Alexis, you have a lot of those same qualities. I've seen how you work here, and it takes tenacity and grit to even want to come on this program after all you've been through. The difference is," and here he placed a tentative hand on her arm to get her full attention, "The difference is, you're romanticizing her darkness when one of your most attractive qualities is that you are such a beacon of light. You remind people just with the power of your smile that there is good in this world and it is worth fighting for. Don't wish for darkness when you are so filled with light."
She stared at him, and he could see in her eyes the way her quick intellect was processing the new idea. No wonder, if her father had been following Kate around like a forlorn puppy for years, that Alexis had developed some skewed ideas about what constituted an 'attractive' woman.
"You really think that?" she asked a little breathlessly, and even in the pale moonlight he could see the flush in her cheeks.
"I really do," he confirmed. "Never wish to be anyone other than you, Alexis. The world doesn't need a second Kate Beckett - one is plenty. You have gifts and talents and abilities and experiences that she will never have, and your destiny is different to hers. Admire her good points, sure. Try to emulate what you like about her, great. But not at the cost of who you are, when you are a unique gift to the world."
The color in her cheeks was darker now, and her head was ducking in embarrassment. "Thank you," she all but whispered, and he had to resist the urge to take her into his arms.
Instead, he changed the subject. "Did I tell you about my first Doctors Without Borders mission? I was fresh out of med school, and we were in Ecuador…" He launched into an account and was relieved to see her color subside, and her musical laughter soon filled the air. Then she talked about some of her father's bigger faux pas, about growing up as the only daughter to Richard Castle. His heart twisted as he listened. He would never truly like the man, but he had to admit the guy had, for the most part, done right by his daughter. He didn't say anything, though, instead talked about some of the pranks he had witnessed or been involved with in med school, and that got them onto undergrad subjects and from there to books, and before he knew what had happened, the moon was high in the sky, and in spite of her blanket and the relative warmth of the night, Alexis was shivering.
"We should probably head back," he suggested, and she nodded with obvious reluctance. He stood, and held out his hand to help her up - not that she needed it, of course, but she dimpled up at him and accepted the assistance. A comfortable silence settled over them as they returned to the camp, the sounds of the forest around them and the whisper of the trees more than adequate to say the things he felt he could not express.
They paused when they reached her tent, and she turned to face him, sweeping loose tendrils of hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture, her blue eyes pale in the moonlight.
"Thank you for walking me back. I had a really nice time tonight," she said in a quiet voice out of deference to those sleeping in neighboring tents.
He smiled at down at her, the post-date-like overtone to her words not lost on him. "It was my pleasure. Have a good sleep, Alexis," he said warmly, and was about to step away when her hand on his arm stopped him. Next thing he knew, she was up on her toes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He looked at her, surprised, and her eyes widened as if shocked at her own actions. Her cheeks flamed scarlet, and she would have fled, but he reached out and clasped the hand that had rested on his arm.
She halted, and lowered her head.
"Alexis, what was that?" he asked.
"I... N-Nothing. I just wanted to-" she stopped in apparent confusion. Her hand trembled in his, and he slackened his hold so that she could escape if she wanted to, but she didn't let him go.
"Wanted to – what? Kiss me on the cheek?" he teased, and her head ducked lower.
"Yes – no – I can't explain," she finished desperately, and he frowned.
"You wanted to kiss me?" he asked, trying to untangle her meaning.
After a pause, she gave the smallest, minutest little nod. His breath caught in his throat.
"On the cheek?" he prodded, trying not to hope.
An even longer pause, then an even smaller shake of her head.
His heart started thundering in his chest. Did that mean...?
He cleared his throat. "Alexis, if I were to kiss you right now – properly, I mean – would that... would that be something you would be okay with?"
Her head jerked up, her lips parted in surprise, and in her eyes he could read shock and disbelief, as well as excitement, exhilaration, hope – and arousal. She searched his eyes for a moment as if wanting to be sure he wasn't laughing at her, then set her mouth in a decisive line and gave him a firm nod.
He gave a low, breathless laugh, and tugged her toward him with their joined hands. She stepped into him eagerly, and he cupped her jaw, releasing her hand so he could wind his other hand behind her back and up into her hair. Her lips were curving up into a smile as he briefly brushed them with his own, a chaste, gentle beginning – then came back for a second, then a third time. He pulled back just enough to see her face; her eyes were closed, her lips puckered, and still that smile lingered around the corners of her mouth.
This time when he leaned in, he fused their mouths together properly, and barely had to run his tongue along her bottom lip before she was opening to him like a rosebud to the rain. She allowed him to thoroughly explore her mouth before indulging in a few exploratory tongue-darts of her own that grew bolder as the kiss progressed.
Then he nipped her bottom lip and she groaned audibly, and he nearly combusted on the spot. Had there been anything nearby firmer than her tent poles – a tree, a door jamb, a table, a bed, anything – he would have pressed her up against it in a moment and things probably would have progressed even faster, but as it was, the lack of nearby surfaces reminded him of their surroundings, and he slowly gentled the kiss until they finally broke apart. It took a heroic effort to step away from her, but he did, trailing his hand down her arm and squeezing her hand one last time before completely releasing her. Her hair was mussed from his hands, her lips swollen, and she looked delectable.
"I'll see you in the morning," he promised, and she smiled, tucking her bottom lip into her teeth as if still trying to taste their kiss.
"Will you be there – at the boulder, I mean – tomorrow night?" she asked breathlessly.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," he replied.
She grinned at him. "Good night, Josh."
"Good night, Alexis."