Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything.
Author's Note: Thank you for the review, Boris Yeltsin. It was much appreciated. :)
Babies' First Demon
[Scene: Manor. Nursery. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, Leo, and the babies are there. Everyone is looking down at the babies, who are in their bassinet.]
Phoebe: Ooh, I could eat them up! I swear I could, with a little ranch dressing.
Piper: Okay, but let's not, okay?
Phoebe: I can't make that promise.
Leo: Okay, don't listen to your aunties, okay, they're a little kooky. Us guys gotta stick together. Don't we, Peter?
Piper: Peter?
Leo: Peter. I'm just floating it.
Piper: Hmm. Is your name Peter?
Phoebe: For what it's worth, I dated a Peter in high school, and he wasn't very nice.
Paige: Yeah, and you know, for what it's worth, it's kind of the name of the appendage that he has that surprised us all so much. It might get him teased at school.
Leo: Okay, no Peter, but we're running out of Ps.
Paige: I can't believe you never thought of P boy names. I mean, clearly Prue did. And good job on the twins' names, by the way, Prue. Phoenix Langdon Halliwell and Persephone Amethyst Halliwell make them sound so… powerful.
Phoebe: Yes.
Prue: Thank you. Cole helped me picked them out.
(She smiles at him.)
Cole: I always wanted to give my kids mythological names if I ever had them, and I knew Prue would want their names to start with a P, so….
Piper: Well, when I went to the future I had a little girl, and obviously that has changed, as has a lot of things, but, um, I'm still having trouble letting go of the name we settled on.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, Melinda might get him in trouble at school too.
Paige: I'm thinking that's probably true, although he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something.
Leo: God, I hope not.
Prue: Aren't you excited to see what his powers are? I mean, I definitely got previews during the pregnancy. As have you.
Piper: Yes, and I am both excited and terrified. I mean, after seeing what the kid can do inside the womb, he's no muggle.
Phoebe: Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell. Or is it Wyatt?
Leo: No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it.
Cole: It's why Prue and I stuck with Halliwell for the twins.
Leo: Yeah, I want what's best for him. That's why I'm gonna say no to Potter.
(The babies start to cry.)
Piper: Oh, somebody's getting very sleepy.
Prue: Come on. Shh.
(Phoebe hugs the bassinet.)
Phoebe: We love you, we love you, babies, so much. Love you, love you, love you. Bye, babies.
(Phoebe and Paige leave the room. Prue and Piper tuck the babies in with a blanket embroidered with the triquetra symbol on it.)
Prue: You're all perfect
Piper: Perfect little creatures.
[Cut to the hallway.]
Paige: It's too bad with all the powers your babies have, sleeping through the night is not one of them.
Piper: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, you guys.
(Phoebe walks into her room.)
Prue: Maybe we can cast some kind of sound-proofing spell around your rooms, so you don't have to deal with-
Paige: No way. It'll interfere with the baby's alarm system.
Prue: Which works how exactly?
Paige: Ah, pretty basic stuff. I just enchanted a few cowry shells.
Cole: Well, it's not going to shock anything, is it?
Paige: In the nursery? I'm not a total idiot. It'll just alert us to the presence of evil, so we can all sleep a little sounder. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go apply some under eye makeup to these dark circles that your sweet babies caused.
(Paige goes into her room and closes the door. Phoebe sneaks out of her room, heading for the nursery.)
Piper: Where are you going?
Phoebe: I'm just gonna go watch him sleep for a little while.
Prue: Phoebe. We must go to work.
Leo: Yeah, aren't you supposed to meet the new owner of the paper today?
Prue: Yes.
Phoebe: But it's just so hard to leave him. I mean, shouldn't there be some sort of maternity leave for new aunties?
Piper: Phoebe, the club is not raking in the dough these days, and Paige is unemployed. With the cost of diapers, we kind of need you and Prue to keep your jobs.
Phoebe: You're right, you're right. Let's go, Prue. Just, no Peter, okay? And no Patrick. And I really think you should consider Potter, because it's a great name, okay. Just don't make any decisions until I get back, please.
Piper: Time to go.
Phoebe: And do me a favor and kiss their little toes for me when they wake up.
(Prue and Phoebe leave and Cole goes into Prue's room.)
Leo: When are you going to talk to her?
Piper: Oh, she's just excited.
Leo: Excited. Obsessed.
Piper: Why? Because she wants to watch her nephews and niece sleep?
Leo: No, because yesterday she was giving you and Prue breastfeeding advice, and now she wants maternity leave.
Piper: Well, she knows a lot about breasts. And she's an aunt, that's what they do. It's family, you know.
Leo: Okay. Well, how is mommy doing?
(Leo puts his arms around Piper.)
Piper: Mommy's tired. And happy.
(They kiss.)
Leo: Wanna try and get some sleep?
Piper: Mm-hm.
(They kiss again. Suddenly, an alarm goes off. Paige runs out of her bedroom.)
Paige: The babies.
Piper: What?
(Cole runs out of Prue's bedroom.)
Cole: What's going on?
Paige: The babies.
(Paige runs past all of them and heads for the nursery. Piper, Cole, and Leo follow.)
[Cut to the nursery. Two demons are standing over the bassinet. Paige runs in followed by Piper, Cole, and Leo.]
Paige: Hey!
(A purple force field appears around the bassinet and knocks the demons off their feet. Piper blows up one of the demons. The other demon shimmers out.)
Cole: Son of a….
(The force field vanishes. They walk over to the babies, who are crying.)
Leo: Way to go, little ones.
Cole: Way to use your powers. That was a new color for the force field.
Leo: Well, the twins' was red and our baby's was blue. Maybe they combined their powers. Red and blue would make purple.
(Piper picks up her baby, while Cole checks on the twins.)
Piper: Are you okay? No, you're okay, it's alright, you're okay.
Paige: Did they scare you?
Cole: You're okay. You're okay.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige walk in.]
Piper: It just pisses me off. I can't believe they would come in the house and try to steal the babies.
Paige: Piper, demons aren't exactly known for their moral compass. At least they'll be safe with the Elders and the Ryu Clan until we can figure it out.
(They walk over to the Book of Shadows.)
Piper: But they're just babies. They're small, and little, and innocent-
Paige: It's okay. They've got that invincibility thing going on. Hey, do you think that's permanent, or is it like a baby teeth thing?
Piper: I have no idea, but the demons saw the force field. They're gonna try and find a way around it.
Paige: Unless they can get up to Elder-land or wherever the hell the dragons are, they're gonna be fine.
Piper: Well, they can't stay there forever.
Paige: That's what we're here for. No one is gonna steal them. I promise you that.
(Leo orbs in with the baby, just as Cole smoke-fades in with the twins. )
Piper: Leo, Cole?
Leo: They wouldn't keep him.
Cole: And the twins aren't allowed to stay with the Clan.
Piper: What? Why? Did you tell them what's going on?
Cole: I don't know. Something about rules. I stopped listening when they refused to help protect my kids.
Leo: Well, I don't know about the Clan, but the Elders want us to prove to that we can protect him, like your mom and Grams did for you.
(The babies start to cry. Piper takes hers from Leo.)
Piper: Oh, no, it's okay, we don't need them anyway./Cole: It's alright.
(Piper and Cole sit down on the couch. Leo sits beside Piper.)
Leo: Are you okay?
Piper: I'm having some severe separation anxiety issues.
Leo: We can do this, honey.
(Paige turns to a page in the Book of Shadows.)
Paige: Hey, here he is. The Hawker Demon. "A breed of demon known for hawking magical goods at the demonic market."
Piper: Magical goods? The babies are magical goods? That is sick and twisted.
Leo: The question is, who would wanna buy them and why?
[Scene: Demon Marketplace. The place is crowded with funky-looking demons buying weapons, books, ingredients for potions…. At a stall, a gypsy is tied up. Two Parasite Demons with bleached white hair and red eyes are there with the Hawker Demon.]
Parasite Demon #1: We paid you for babies, not a gypsy!
Hawker: And I told you the little brats had a force field protecting them.
Parasite Demon #2: Which is why we want them, you idiot. The shield is what makes those kids perfect batteries.
Parasite Demon #1: Self-sustaining, never-ending sources of magical power. We tap into that power and it will return us to our former strength.
Parasite Demon #2: Or would you have us stay weaklings, Hawker, doomed to feed on the magic of others forever?
Hawker: Look, I am sorry that the witch cursed you, and I'm sorry that you lost all of your powers. That's a tough break. But it's not my fault.
Crone: Hawker!
(A woman with greyish long hair and wearing black clothes approaches them.)
Hawker: Madame, how may I serve you today?
Crone: The eyes of two dozen adult brown bats and a large boar's tongue, please.
Hawker: Right away.
(The Hawker gets the tongue and eyes and wraps them in some paper.)
Parasite Demon #1: We're not finished here. She can wait her turn.
Crone: Bottom feeders. (She looks at a jar of eyes.) What is it that's keeping you alive today, hm? Feed on a troll for breakfast this morning?
Parasite Demon #2: Back off, Crone.
(They glare at each other. The Crone then turns to the Hawker.)
Crone: I sense danger, Hawker. The task these leeches seek you for will bring only death and destruction, and not to our enemies. Turn them away.
Hawker: Your order, madam.
(He holds out the wrapped up tongue and eyes. She hands him some coins and takes it. She walks away.)
Parasite Demon #1: You're not gonna listen to that crazy old wretch, are you?
Hawker: The Crone's wisdom is ancient and renowned. I have already lost one demon on this job. Now, you either take the gypsy, or nothing.
Parasite Demon #2: We'll take the gypsy to tide us over, and we'll double the bounty on the infants.
Parasite Demon #1: Or maybe we'll pay that to another Hawker. In which case the bounty will be on your head.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Main room. Prue, Phoebe, and employees are gathered around the room.]
Elise: I know it's not much of a choice, but there it is. We find ways to make him happy, or we find new jobs.
Prue: Well, he can't be any tougher to please than you, right, Elise?
(They all laugh.)
Elise: One can only hope. All I know is that his name is Jason Dean. He's new money, some kind of dot com millionaire, and he's known for his shaking up the companies that he buys.
Woman: Shaking up as in layoffs?
Elise: Honestly, Kate, you know as much as I do.
Kate: So you don't know if you'll be employed tomorrow either.
Elise: Look, guys, he'll be here soon, and we can get a better read then. In the meantime, I suggest we all get back to work.
Phoebe: Work, schmirk. I got baby pictures here.
Prue: Phoebe.
Phoebe: What? Gather around, people, if you're interested. (Everyone stands around Prue and Phoebe while Phoebe hands out photos of the babies.) You are looking at pure deliciousness.
Woman: How are you doing, Prue? How's your sister?
Prue: Healthy as horses.
(A man joins the crowd.)
Man: How old are they?
Prue: Three weeks today.
(Prue and Phoebe look over at the man.)
Phoebe: Hi. Have we met?
Man: Jason Dean.
Prue: Oh, god!
(Elise rushes to him.)
Elise: I'm sorry. Y-y-you're Mr. Dean?
Jason: Jason, please.
Phoebe: Wow, that's-that's some weird stuff, because you're really... young, young.
Jason: Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah.
(Prue gives Phoebe a look as Phoebe nervously fans her face with the photos.)
Jason: You know what's strange? I always pictured a newspaper bullpen as being a little more, I don't know, bustling.
Prue: Bus-bus-bustle.
(Everyone quickly gets back to work.)
Jason: Oh, hey, no!
(He laughs.)
Elise: I'm Elise Rothman. Let me show you around.
Jason: Honestly, Elise, I didn't mean to insult your team. It's just…. I grew up reading comic books, The Daily Planet... bustled.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, in all fairness, Superman can move faster than a speeding bullet, so he's got a little leg up on the bustling, you know?
Jason: A woman who knows her superheroes. I'm impressed.
Phoebe: I'm-I'm Phoebe.
(She shakes his hand.)
Prue: Prue.
(She shakes his hand.)
Jason: Oh, I know you. I've been doing a lot of homework, a lot of reading. Circulation is down and I plan to bring it up, and from what I've seen, that's gonna start with you.
Prue: Wow, that's really sweet.
Phoebe: I'm sorry about the little picture show, you know.
Elise: Mr. Dean, if you'd like, I could give you a tour.
Jason: Great. Prue. Phoebe. Let's talk soon.
(Elise and Jason walk away. Phoebe continues to fan her face with the photos as she and Prue go into Prue's office.)
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Paige walks in through the door and walks into the parlor where Piper, Cole, Leo, and the babies are. Piper and Leo are looking at the family tree.]
Paige: Well, the neighbours who don't already think we're crazy now officially do. But the house is surrounded by apples and sage.
Piper: Thank you. I know you think it's a waste of time, but….
Paige: Well, you know, if it worked, we would've done it already.
Piper: Every little bit helps.
Paige: Alright. How's your ritual coming?
Piper: It's not.
Paige: What? I thought you were gonna try to call the babies' fairy guards.
Piper: We were, we are, but to perform the ritual properly you have to have a name for all of the babies involved first.
Leo: So we busted out the family tree hoping to find some new ideas.
Paige: Let me see. (She sits beside them.) Okay, right away, I'm gonna say I'm against the name Herbert.
Piper: Yeah, we already vetoed Clarence and Milton as well.
(Paige looks at the bottom of the paper.)
Paige: Not to be too self-centered, but... where am I on the tree?
Leo: Oh, uh….
Piper: Well, we haven't had a chance to update it lately.
Paige: Oh, right.
Leo: Yeah, the baby's not even on there either.
Paige: Well, yeah, that's because he doesn't have a name yet, Leo.
Cole: Paige, mine and the twins aren't on there yet either, and we have names.
Piper: Yeah, Paige, and it's just a piece of paper. It doesn't mean anything.
Paige: I know that. Anyway, wiccan rituals and fairy guards notwithstanding, I think it's time we bust out some serious ammo.
Piper: As in….?
Paige: As in a good old fashioned demon hunt. I say we bypass the Hawker and go for the jerk that hired him to steal the children in the first place.
Cole: How?
Paige: Not so sure just yet, but I will say this. Once we find him, we use him to send a message, "If you come after these children, you will die in the cruellest manner possible."
(The children start to cry and Piper and Cole instantly go to the bassinet.)
Piper: Well, I like the message. Um, you know, except….
(Piper picks up the baby and carries him to a change table, Cole doing the same with the twins.)
Paige: Except?
Piper: Except for the part where I have to leave my newborn child to go demon hunting. I'm just... I'm not ready.
Paige: Okay, fine, I can understand that. I'll just, uh…. I'll take Prue and Phoebe.
(Piper and Cole change the babies' diapers.)
Leo: Except that they've got a really big day at work today and we kinda need their money right now.
Paige: I'll go by myself.
Cole: I can go with you, Paige, if Piper and Leo watch the twins.
Leo: No way you guys can go. You don't even know what kind of demon we're up against.
Paige: Fine, but if we don't stop him, the Hawker will come back.
Leo: Alright, then let's get ready for him.
Piper: Exactly. We'll lay a trap for him. Maybe we'll kidnap him and sell him to the highest bidder. (Piper picks up the baby and puts him back in the bassinet, Cole putting the twins back down beside him.) What do you think? That's a good idea.
Leo: Then we can find out who hired him and force him to take us to them.
Paige: No. It sounds risky.
Leo: Well, they have their own force field and your alarm system. It's no more risky than you two going off on your own on some wild goose chase.
Piper: He's right. You should go get the crystals for the trap.
Paige: Fine.
(Paige goes upstairs. The phone rings. Leo answers it.)
Leo: Hello?
Piper: Shh!
Phoebe: Don't hello us. You know who we're calling to talk to.
(Leo walks into the conservatory.)
Leo: Well, they're resting right now. How'd it go with the new boss?
Phoebe: Oh, Jason Dean? I wanna bear his children, but that's besides the point. Now let me talk to-
Leo: What? You have a crush on the new boss?
Phoebe: I don't think I like your tone of voice, mister. Now please let me talk to the babies. I don't want them to forget my voice.
Leo: Well, they need their rest. It's-it's been a little hectic around here.
Prue: Hectic? What do you mean, hectic?
Leo: Well, I didn't want to worry you two, but there was an attack. They were after the children.
Prue: What?! Why didn't you tell us?
Leo: I did tell you. I-I just told you.
Prue: Okay, well, we're coming home.
Leo: You don't have to. We have it under control. There's nothing to worry about. We'll call you if we need you.
Prue: Leo, these are my kids and my nephew we're talking about, okay? You should've called us. I'll just tell Jason that we have to work from home for the rest of the day.
(She hangs up.)
[Cut to The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Elise and Jason are there.]
Jason: In today's market, image and content are inseparable. We could publish a Pulitzer-Prize winning article, but with our puny circulation, who's gonna notice?
(Prue walks in.)
Prue: Hi. Is this a bad time?
Jason: No, come in, come in. Here, look at this woman. Beautiful, smart, funny. And she can write. With the right exposure, she could kick Dear Abby down into the bush leagues. She's a commodity.
Prue: Thank you, I-I think. Now that I have your attention-
Elise: And we've worked hard to capitalize on her. She has billboards, she's done guest spots on local radio shows.
Jason: What I was wondering was what we could do differently with regard to content.
Elise: Content?
Jason: I was thinking we expand her column. Have her write a series of features road-testing her own advice, or a series on the best singles spots in San Francisco based on her own undercover experience.
Elise: I like it. Prue and I can work this afternoon, put some ideas together, and -
Prue: No, we can't. I'm sorry, but I have to work from home for the rest of the afternoon.
Jason: Why?
Prue: Why? Uh, well, because I have newborns at home.
Jason: But he's got a father, right? Is there something here I'm missing?
Prue: No. Look, Elise has never minded me working from home.
Elise: Yes, but Prue, we're talking about expanding your column. I should think you'd want a hand in what that's going to look like.
Prue: Well, of course I do, Elise, but-
Jason: Are we not paying you enough?
Prue: No, that's not it.
Jason: Okay. Sit down with Elise, come up with some new ideas, and while you're at it discuss what you think your new salary should be. We'll meet again late this afternoon. (His cell phone rings and he answers it.) Yeah? Great.
(He leaves the office.)
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper, Cole, and Leo are there looking at their children.]
Piper: Why would somebody want to hurt something so innocent? (Leo points at Paige, who is asleep on the couch. They walk into the conservatory.) Poor Paige. She's getting all the hassles of parenthood with none of the rewards.
Leo: I think a smile from her nephews and niece is all she'll ever want. It's gonna be okay, Piper.
Piper: How?
Cole: Because babies are resilient and they have a little extra of that.
Piper: But even so, I mean, it can't be good for them. Even if they can handle the demons, they must sense the tension, which means at the very best, we end up with neurotic infants.
Leo: Look on the bright side, growing up with your sisters, they were bound to be neurotic anyway.
(They laugh and hug. Suddenly, Paige comes flying into the room as the baby alarm goes off. Piper, Cole, and Leo run into the parlor to see the Hawker and another demon there. The demon has a red beam of light hitting the bassinet, which is causing it to float in mid-air.)
Piper: No!
(Piper dives on the bassinet and pushes it out of the beam's way. They land on the floor. Cole and Leo tackle the two demons.)
Paige: Leo! Cole! (Cole and Leo get out of the way and Paige puts down a crystal near the demons, creating a crystal cage. The demons scream and they are vanquished, leaving only a knife.) I guess I overcharged it.
(Paige picks up the knife. Cole and Leo rush over to Piper and the babies. The babies cry.)
Piper: I got you. You're alright.
Leo: How are they doing, huh?
Cole: Are they alright?
Piper: I think we need a little bit of healing here.
Leo: Well, they look fine to me.
Piper: Not them, me.
(She looks down at her leg and falls back unconscious. Paige, Cole, and Leo look at the broken bone sticking out of Piper's leg. They wince at the sight.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Paige has propped Piper's head onto her lap. Leo is about to heal Piper's leg.]
Leo: Okay, now, easy, watch her head, alright. Make sure you hold her hands. We don't want her blowing anything up.
(Paige holds Piper's arms.)
Paige: Just do it.
(Leo heals Piper's leg and Piper sits up quickly.)
Piper: Where's the children?
Leo: It's alright, honey. They're okay.
Piper: They knew about the force field. They almost blew them out of the window.
Leo: Yeah, but they didn't, and right now our concern is about you.
Piper: Me? Why? I'm healed.
Leo: Yes, but the fact is that you needed to be healed, that's what I'm talking about.
Piper: Yeah. I guess I'm not so invincible anymore, huh?
Cole: Well, it makes sense since. You got the power from your son and he's not inside you anymore.
Leo: I was just hoping he would've left a little bit behind for mama.
Piper: Well, the theory did occur to me, but I haven't had a chance to test it out.
Leo: This is serious, Piper. You need to learn how to be careful again now that you're vulnerable.
Cole: Prue as well. If you're not invincible anymore, that means that she isn't anymore either.
Piper: Yeah, well, I don't have the luxury of being careful now that half of demonville is after the children.
Paige: Um, what do you think about using the athame to scry for the demonic market? I mean, it makes sense that the Hawker demon got it there.
Piper: Yeah?
Paige: We can disguise ourselves as demons, infiltrate the market, and pretend that we know how to get the Charmed Ones' children.
Piper: It's a smart plan. Then we could find out what sicko is in the market to buy them.
Paige: Right. Then we vanquish them, everyone they've ever met, and proceed with our original demon killing, message sending plan.
Piper: It's a very wordy, very good plan.
Leo: Oh, it's a good idea to send the mother of my child into the hornets' nest because you overcharged the trap?
Paige: Oh, gee, one little mistake, man.
Piper: It's okay. She's right. We can go.
Paige: Right. (Paige gets up.) You sure you're okay to do this?
(Piper thinks for a moment.)
Piper: No. I can't go.
Paige: Okay. I'll just go check the Book of Shadows, see if I missed anything. He'll be okay.
(Paige leaves the room.)
Cole: I'm going to go help Paige. You two watch the kids. And I think it's time we called Prue.
(Cole goes after Paige.)
Leo: I called Prue and Phoebe. They said they were on their way home.
Piper: Leo.
Leo: I'll call her again.
(Leo gets up and goes to the phone.)
Piper: You're okay, little ones. We're not gonna let anybody steal you.
[Cut to the nursery. Paige walks in and goes over to the bassinet. She picks up the blanket with the triquetra symbol on it.]
Cole: Paige.
Paige: Don't try and stop me.
Cole: I won't. They're after my kids. And Piper's son is my nephew too, you know. I'm going with you to get these guys.
[Cut to the woods. Paige and Cole are there, Paige wearing a tight short blue dress and a blonde wig, and Cole wearing an all-black suit. Paige is holding the baby blanket.]
Paige: It's okay, Paige, it's okay. I fought fairytales earlier this year. You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.
Cole: Just follow my lead.
(Suddenly, two energy balls fly out of nowhere and hit Paige and Cole in the chest. They fall flat on their faces. Two demon guards literally walk out of two trees.)
Demon Guard #1: Lost?
(Paige and Cole get up.)
Cole: You have a really messed up idea of customer service.
Demon Guard #2: What?
Paige: We're dissatisfied customers. (She pulls a knife out from under the blanket.) I bought this athame here at the market. It's supposed to flame. It doesn't.
Cole: We paid a pretty penny for it too.
Paige: And for what? It almost got us killed trying to steal the Charmed Ones' children. You wanna know what we got for our efforts? A nice little blanket. Mm, sweet.
Cole: Oh, and the Hawker who hired us? He got eighty-sixed, so we didn't even get a pay day.
Demon Guard #1: Who are you?
Cole: We told you. We're dissatisfied customers.
(Cole gives a nod to Paige and she stabs Guard #2 in the stomach and vanquishes him.)
Paige: See? No flame.
(Demon Guard #1 waves his arm and a portal-like door to the market appears between two trees. Paige and Cole walk through into the market. The Demon Guard waves his arm again and closes the portal door.)
[Cut to the market. Paige and Cole walk through the busy street.]
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Prue, Elise, and Jason are there.]
Prue: So we thought I could hit up a couple of clubs around town and try out the pick-up lines that I suggested in my column.
Elise: Then she'll report back on how they work off the page and in the world.
Jason: I love it. It's sexy as hell.
Prue: Okay, great. So why don't I go home and try to work on-
(Jason's phone rings and he answers it.)
Jason: Yeah? Uh-huh…. No…. No, definitely not. Great. (He hangs up. Prue impatiently taps her pen on her book.) Are you okay?
Prue: Yeah. I'm fine. I just…. I have a little blood sugar issue. It's nothing serious, but I have to eat.
Jason: Say no more. You like Chinese? Food, not people.
Prue: I really need to get home.
Jason: Elise, could you excuse us for a moment?
Elise: Sure. I'll just, um... be over here.
(Elise walks past Prue and mouths something to her. She leaves.)
Jason: Is this about your children again?
Prue: Yes, it is actually. They need me right now.
Jason: I'll just… ask again. Are you a single parent?
Prue: No.
Jason: Look, Prue, I think it's really wonderful that you love your kids this much. I really do. But you have a job.
Prue: Yeah, and I think I do it pretty well.
Jason: Yes, you do. Until recently.
Prue: Excuse me?
Jason: I spent some of the afternoon going over your columns from the last few weeks, (he walks past Prue. He walks around Elise's desk and sits down.) and they've become very….
Prue: What?
Jason: Baby-centric. They're all about... diapers and mother's milk. They don't even read like you. They've lost your edge. You're sexy.
Prue: Okay, any writer, any good writer, uses their life experiences in their work.
Jason: That's true.
(There's a knock on the door and Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry, Mr. Dean, but Prue, Leo is on the phone and it's the third time he's called.
Prue: What? Why didn't you tell me?
(Prue rushes out of the office.)
[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper and the babies are there. Leo orbs in with Prue and Phoebe. They rush over to the bassinet.]
Prue: Phoebe, I don't understand why you actually listened when they told you to hold my calls.
Phoebe: Because I have a job too. And I said I was sorry.
Prue: Yeah, well I have kids, and you have nephews and a niece. I would think that would take priority over a job.
Phoebe: Again, I am sorry, Prue.
Prue: And you, Leo. Why didn't you just orb for us when she wouldn't put you through?
Leo: Because I didn't want to leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary.
Prue: Oh, right. Okay, so there was another kidnap attempt?
Piper: Yes, shh.
(They move away from the bassinet.)
Prue: I can't believe you didn't put him through, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Jason said you were in an important meeting and that you shouldn't be disturbed.
Prue: Unbelievable.
Leo: Hey. Jason. (He looks at Piper.) Jason Halli….?
Prue: Oh, don't even think about it, mister.
Piper: Please tell me you didn't get fired.
Prue: No, I didn... I don't think I did.
(The babies wake up and start to cry. The baby alarm goes off.)
Prue/Phoebe: What the hell is that?
Piper: It's the baby alarm.
Prue: What?
(Prue and Phoebe rush over to the children. The alarm stops.)
Phoebe: I know. It's so much excitement.
Prue: What was that alerting us to exactly?
Leo: Demons. There's supposed to be demons in the house.
Prue: Look at that, they're not even crying. You are so brave.
Phoebe: They're like little brave soldiers.
Leo: Maybe the alarm is faulty.
Piper: Paige would know. Where is Paige?
Prue: Where is Cole?
[Cut to the attic. Prue, carrying the twins, Piper, carrying her baby, Leo, and Phoebe walk in.]
Piper: Oh my god, they're not here.
Phoebe: Okay, why is that an 'oh my god'?
(Prue and Piper put the babies into the attic's bassinet.)
Leo: The scrying tools are out.
(Piper looks on the table.)
Piper: The hand grenade potion is gone.
Prue: Will some please tell us what's going on here?
(Piper picks up a piece of paper.)
Phoebe: What is that? A spell?
Piper: No, it's a note. "Gone to market. Back soon."
Phoebe: Okay, well, that's good news, right? They went to the market. Right?
(Piper sighs.)
[Scene: Demonic Market. Paige and Cole are walking down the busy street with a large demon.]
Demon Saleswoman: Come on, guys, this is top of the line. The power to throw fireballs twenty yards. Now let me hear a serious offer.
Large Demon: Now, if you need any powers, there's where to go.
(Paige and Cole laugh.)
Paige: You're such a great tour guide.
(They pass a demon selling tonics.)
Demon Salesman: Looking for that little something extra? You didn't become a demon to just stand on the sidelines. Now, watch and see what my permutonic can do for you.
(He drinks the tonic and becomes a large muscular demon. The crowd is amazed. Paige, Cole, and the large demon stop.)
Large Demon: I think up there's the guys you're looking for. The parasites.
Paige: Oh, parasites? Should I be frightened?
Cole: Nah. They were badass once, but some witch cursed them, took away their powers. Pitiful little bastards. We could take them.
Paige: Oh, really? Then we might just have to. Well, thank you for the tour. I suppose you'll be wanting your payment now.
Large Demon: You know I will.
(He reaches for her.)
(Cole breathes fire at the Large Demon, vanquishing him.)
(Paige and Cole head for a building ahead.)
[Cut to inside the building. The Parasite demons are feeding off a gypsy's powers. Paige and Cole walk in.]
Paige: Excuse me. Anyone here interested in the Charmed Ones' offspring?
Parasite Demon #1: Who are you?
Cole: We're the reason you're not gonna need that food anymore, not after you hear what we have to say.
Parasite Demon #2: The food is dead. You were saying?
Cole: Just that the Hawker who hired us to grab the children screwed up the job and got himself dead.
Paige: He didn't say who hired him, but we heard it was you.
Parasite Demon #2: So what if it was?
Paige: Don't get nervous. We're just here for the bounty.
Cole: The offer still stands, right?
Parasite Demon #1: First, tell us why you're still alive.
Paige: I'll take that as a yes.
(Paige pulls out the grenade potion from behind the baby blanket and throws it at the Parasite Demons. They feed off the power from the explosion and then start to feed off Paige's and Cole's. Paige's blonde wig is blown off her head and she and Cole fall to the floor.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Leo are there. Phoebe is scrying for the demonic market.]
Phoebe: Come on, people, talk to me. (The crystal points to a spot on the map.) Bingo. We have a location of the market.
Piper: Yes.
Prue: (to Leo) Anything on Paige?
Leo: I can't sense her at all. But that doesn't mean we should panic. Her signal might be blocked by the magic of the marketplace.
Phoebe: Right, there's no reason to panic. I mean, our sister went alone to demonville, she has no idea what or who she's up against, so there's no reason to panic, right?
Prue: And Cole's with her. Someone there could recognize him.
Piper: It was my fault. I should've gone.
Prue: We would have gone had she called us.
Piper: Well, I told her not to bother you 'cause you were trying to impress your new boss.
Prue: I was not trying to impress my boss, thank you.
Piper: You weren't? But this morning….
Prue: Okay, maybe this morning I was trying to impress him, but I'm not, so can we talk about anything but Jason Dean, please? Thank you very much.
Leo: Yeah, let's talk about how we're gonna find Paige.
Phoebe: Oh. Well, we're gonna write a spell that's gonna carry us to the market. Can I have some paper?
(Piper picks up Paige's note and hands it to Phoebe. Phoebe gets a premonition. In the premonition, the Parasite Demons are sucking Paige's and Cole's power out of them.)
Prue: Are you okay?
Phoebe: No. It's time to panic.
(The baby alarm goes off.)
Prue/Piper/Leo: Oh my god!
[Scene: Demon Market. Building. Paige and Cole are tied to tables. The Parasite Demons stand beside them.]
Parasite Demon #2: I say we suck them dry, nice and slow.
Parasite Demon #1: Tempting, but….
Parasite Demon #2: But what? You forget that it was one of her kind that cursed us to this life?
Paige: Please.
Parasite Demon #1: Say we kill her, get revenge on yet another witch. Then what? We're still parasites. Nothing will have changed.
Parasite Demon #2: She'll be dead. That's change.
Parasite Demon #1: But we'll still be bound to this trivial existence. Think about it. She's a Charmed One. Her sisters will sense her if we keep her alive. And then... they will come for her.
Parasite Demon #2: Then when they do, the infants will be left vulnerable.
Cole: No….
Parasite Demon #2: Silence, traitor.
[Cut to the manor. Attic. Prue is holding the twins and Piper is holding the other baby. Phoebe walks in.]
Piper: Anything?
Phoebe: Unless they're invisible, there's no demons in this house.
Piper: Then why does the alarm keep going off?
Leo: We'd have to ask Paige.
Phoebe: Oh, we'd better hurry, because from what I saw, she doesn't have a lot of time.
Piper: You want me to leave my baby when the alarm designed to sense evil is going off every ten minutes?
Prue: Believe me, Piper, I don't wanna leave my children either, but the alarm is broken. There is no evil in this house.
Piper: But we've gone up against invisible demons before, you know, demons that morph into lamps, lamps that morph into demons, demons in the walls.
Phoebe: But don't you think if they were here, they'd be attacking the children by now? (The babies gurgle and smile.) Oh, look at them, they're smiling! Oh, you are so brave.
Leo: They're smiling?
Phoebe: Either that or they have gas.
(Leo gets an idea.)
Leo: Prue, Piper, put them down.
Piper: What?
Prue: Why?
Leo: They were crying when the demons attacked.
Piper: So?
Leo: So just put them down a minute and come over here. You too, Phoebe.
Prue: Why?
Leo: Trust me.
Piper: Okay. (Prue and Piper put the babies into the bassinet and walk away.) What are we doing?
Leo: Just... wait.
Prue: For what?
(The baby alarm goes off. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe race over to the babies.)
Leo: That's what.
Phoebe: I don't get it.
Leo: They're doing it. They're using their powers to set off the alarm.
Piper: Because they figured out when it goes off that we'll come running.
Phoebe: They're just trying to get attention. They're geniuses. Oh, you're geniuses!
Piper: Are you trying to give mommy a heart attack? Is that what you're trying to do?
Leo: So I guess it's safe to say you can go help Paige.
Piper: Right.
Phoebe: Are you gonna be okay?
Piper: Yeah, okay. Grab some potions. Because if I'm going to that market and leaving him here, we're not taking no prisoners.
Leo: Well, just... be careful.
Piper: I will.
Leo: You two, Prue. Piper needed healing before, which means she's not invincible now that she's no longer pregnant. Which means that you're not invincible anymore either.
Prue: Okay.
Piper: It's just... so hard to leave.
Prue: I know, Piper, trust me.
(Phoebe hugs the bassinet.)
Piper: It's so hard to make Phoebe leave.
Leo: Well, just make sure you come back.
Piper: You take care of them.
Prue: Yeah, one hair out of place on the head, issues.
Leo: I will. At the first sign of trouble, I will orb them out.
Piper: Okay. Phoebe, here we go, here we go.
[Scene: Woods. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe arrive. An energy ball comes out of nowhere and flies past them. The Demon Guard literally walks out of a tree.]
Phoebe: Where's the market?
Demon Guard: Who are you?
Piper: We're the mothers. (Prue tries to blow up the demon and he goes flying through the market door. They stand in front of the door, looking in on a crowd of demons.) Which one of you dirtbags put the bounty on our children?
(A demon in the crowd throws a stream of fire towards the girls. Piper blows it up and then Prue blows the demon up.)
[Cut to the building. Screams and explosions are heard. Parasite Demon #1 looks out the window as Prue and Piper make their way through the crowd, blowing up everyone in their way. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe head for the building.]
Parasite Demon #1: They're here.
Parasite Demon #2: It's baby time.
(They fade away.)
[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Leo is there reading a book. The baby alarm goes off and Leo kneels beside the bassinet.]
Leo: It's okay. Your mommies will be home soon.
(The Parasite Demons stand beside Leo and suck out his powers. He falls to the floor. The babies cry.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Market. Building. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe walk in.]
Phoebe: Where are they?
Paige: Prue… Piper.
Piper: I know you are very happy to see us.
Paige: The babies.
Phoebe: They're fine. They're with Leo.
Cole: They're Parasites, they'll absorb Leo's power.
(They untie Paige and Cole.)
Piper: What?
Prue: Can you orb?
Paige: No.
Prue: Cole, can you smoke-fade?
Cole: No, they took our powers away.
(They help Paige and Cole up.)
Prue: We've gotta get to the other side of the gate.
(Piper picks up the baby blanket.)
[Cut to the street. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, and Cole walk out of the building and down the street. Piper drops the blanket. The Crone walks over to the blanket and picks it up.]
[Cut to the manor. Parlor. The Parasite Demons are sucking the power out of the children.]
Parasite Demon #1: Do you feel the power?
Parasite Demon #2: It's fantastic. But how will we get him out of here?
Parasite Demon #1: Keep draining the magic. The force field will falter and then they'll be ours.
(Leo wakes up and gets up. He grabs a lamp and smashes it over them. He weakly kneels beside the bassinet. The Parasite Demons continue to suck their powers.)
[Cut to the manor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige appear. Prue, Piper, and Phoebe sit Paige and Cole down on the couch.]
Paige: Go.
Cole: Don't let them put their hands on you.
[Cut to the parlor.]
Leo: No!
(Prue, Piper, and Phoebe run down the stairs. Prue blows up Parasite #1. The other one fades away.)
Piper: He got away.
Phoebe: It's okay. Let him go.
Piper: I said no prisoners. (to Leo) Are you okay?
Leo: Yeah.
Prue: Then we're going back.
[Cut to the market. Night. Building. The Crone is there, holding the baby blanket. Parasite Demon #2 appears.]
Crone: You did this to us. I warned you.
Parasite Demon #2: The witches did this, not me.
Crone: The witches are nothing compared to... These children are powerful beyond your understanding. What I have foreseen... is not to be ignored.
Parasite Demon #2: What? What did you see? What are they?
Crone: They are our end. We'll have nothing more to do with these... beings.
Parasite Demon #2: That's easy for you to say. You have powers of your own.
(Prue, Piper, and Phoebe walk in.)
Crone: And I enjoy using them.
(She points her fingers at the Parasite Demon and a funnel of sand surrounds him. He screams out and turns to dust. The Crone turns to Prue, Piper, and Phoebe.)
Prue: Impressive.
Crone: Your sister's and the traitor's powers have been restored.
Prue: Who are you?
Crone: I represent those in power. Rest assured a law will be passed forbidding any further attempts on your children.
Piper: Why?
Prue: What do you stand to gain?
Crone: Nothing. You have proven that the costs of a war will far outweigh the benefits. Consider this our white flag. (She hands them the baby blanket.) Now I suggest you rest well and preserve your energies. From what I've foreseen, you're going to need them.
(The Crone glistens away.)
Phoebe: Way to send a message, warrior moms.
Piper: I don't know about that.
Phoebe: You didn't believe her?
Prue: Piper's right. This had more to do with them than anything we did.
Phoebe: What do you think she foresaw?
Prue: I wish I knew.
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Cole, and Leo are standing around the bassinet. Phoebe has her head in the bassinet making baby voices.]
Phoebe: Oh, I could eat you. Yes, I could. Yes, I could.
Piper: Pheebs, after the demonic Parasites that did actually kinda wanna eat them, not so cute.
Phoebe: Gotcha. Ooh, I could smush you! Ooh, I could just smush your little faces! Ooh, la, la, la, la.
Piper: Much better.
Paige: Is that his new name? Smush-face Halliwell?
Leo: It's about as good as everything else we've come up with.
Prue: No new ideas, huh?
Piper: Actually….
Leo: Uh, no, you know, we've been so busy with the alarm, and the demon fighting, and the sister saving.
Paige: I'm sorry.
Piper: Oh, don't be sorry, Paige. You were brave, and you inspired me to fight, and you made the world a safer place for the children. Which is why I would like to give my baby the middle name of Matthew, in honor of his super protective Aunt Paige.
Prue: I think that's a great idea.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Piper: What do you think?
Leo: Yeah.
Paige: Thanks.
Piper: And I also have an idea for his first name. Wyatt. In honor of his very protective daddy.
Leo: Really? Well, it doesn't start with a P.
Piper: Ah, so we break the tradition.
(Phoebe picks up Wyatt.)
Phoebe: Hey, baby. Happy baby. Why don't we ask him? That's probably your job.
(She hands Wyatt to Piper.)
Piper: Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. Is that your name? What do you think? It's a good one. It's a good one.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Jason is sitting at the desk looking through some books. Prue knocks at the door and walks in.]
Prue: I thought you'd still be here.
Jason: Yeah, well, there's a lot to do.
Prue: Um. I just came by to say that... I'm really sorry.
Jason: Huh. I didn't figure you for the type to apologize easily.
Prue: Yeah, I'm not. I only apologize when I'm wrong. And okay, I wasn't entirely wrong, there was an emergency at home and I did need to leave. And in the future, if you're gonna hold my calls, I hope you tell me.
Jason: This is an apology?
Prue: Yes, because about the other stuff, you were right. I got overwhelmed by the babies and I lost my voice, my perspective.
Jason: That's really-
Prue: And I know you're really busy and you don't need to be listening to some advice columnist's psycho babble, but... um... if I still have a job, I promise you'll see all the changes you're looking for in my column first thing in the morning.
Jason: Great. Can I talk now?
Prue: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Jason: I am busy, but making this paper work is important to me, and if that means listening to an advice columnist's late night psycho babble, then that's what I'm willing to do.
Prue: That's-
Jason: Still talking.
Prue: Right.
Jason: This paper can't afford to lose you, Prue. You're too valuable, too talented. And if you can admit when you're wrong, then so can I.
Prue: So….
Jason: So, in the future, if I have to hold your calls, I'll let you know.
Prue: Thank you.
Jason: You're welcome. Done talking.
(Prue laughs.)
Prue: Okay.
(She giggles and stands there uncomfortably while he watches her. She points to the door and leaves. He continues to work.)