The Heartbeat

Chapter 2

"One step after another"

"Merlin." These were the first words that Arthur uttered when he regained his consciousness. He sat up slowly, a bit confused.

"I'm here," Merlin sat up too, making their arms brushing against one another.

"Am I...?" Arthur started but he didn't have to finish. Merlin knew very well what he meant to say.

"You're very much alive," Merlin confirmed. "Everything is fine. You don't have to worry."

"I'm not entirely sure." Arthur looked at his friend closely. "Merlin, what have you done? I'm certain that I died. I definitely felt dead."

Merlin nodded. "I think you were dead," he admitted, "for a moment, at least."

"What have you done?" Arthur repeated his question, more worried than before. "People can't just come back to life. It's not that simple, I know it."

"It wasn't simple, believe me," Merlin teased, trying to ease the tension. "We were in Avalon and it required the help of other witches and sorcerers but it worked." Merlin tried to convince himself that it wasn't entirely a lie.

"Why did they help me?" asked Arthur. "I hunted people like them..."

"That's not true. You know you weren't that bad. They knew it too." Merlin smiled reassuringly. "They must have known that you've changed and that you still can change the world. They gave you a chance to finish what you started. You can build a better and fairer world."

Arthur wanted to believe that Merlin was right, that there was still a chance for him to be a better king and perhaps a better man.

"Thank you, Merlin," he said finally and before he could think twice, he embraced the other man.

Saying that Merlin was surprised was an understatement. Suddenly the memory of their kiss came back to him, making him blush slightly. It must be the closeness, he thought and embraced Arthur back.

"How are you feeling?" Merlin asked when they eventually pulled apart from their embrace.

"Surprisingly good, as if I was born again," Arthur admitted. "It's fitting, isn't it? Coming back to life must be at least a bit like being born anew. That's actually a great feeling."

Merlin wasn't certain if it was just an effect of coming back to life but he dismissed this thought immediately. He wasn't going to tell Arthur that they were going to share one heart until the day they would die anyway. It was better that Arthur believed that it was just an effect of his recent resurrection.

"I'm glad to hear that," said Merlin and then grew more serious. "I never wanted anything like this to happen to you. I am truly sorry."

"That's not your fault, Merlin," Arthur told him. "I owe you more than I know. I'm sure of that." He cleared his throat. "And if someone should be apologizing now, that should be me," he admitted.

Merlin shook his head. "That's not true. It all would be different if I revealed my secret earlier."

"I would like that but what's done is done. It could have been worse," said Arthur and a heavy silence fell upon them.

Merlin knew that what Arthur said was true but it didn't cheer him up. He didn't know the words that could express his happiness that Arthur was alive, however he couldn't help feeling anxious about another lie, another unsaid truth that was between them. Nonetheless, keeping it from Arthur seemed the right thing to do. Arthur didn't need to worry about all the consequences that Merlin's deed could initiate.

"Do you feel well enough to travel?" Merlin asked suddenly. "I think you have kingdom to rule but it can wait a little bit longer if you need more rest."

Arthur shook his head. "As I said, I feel as a newborn. We can go home."

Merlin smiled. His home was where Arthur was but the king didn't need to know that.

"Then home it is," he said and stood up. Arthur followed him instantly.

"On our way home, you'll have plenty of time to tell me about all the things you've been hiding from me all these years. I want to know everything." Arthur said, looking closely at Merlin.

"It will take more time than our journey," Merlin admitted sheepishly.

"That's what I thought," said Arthur but he didn't sound hurt, just curious.

"And I really can't tell you everything," the warlock added.

"Merlin," Arthur warned him.

"If I tell you, you'll kill me." Merlin tried to turn his words into a joke. "And since you're still alive, I think you'll need me to keep your arse safe."

"Merlin."

"What? That's what I do."

They both laughed out loud.

"How shall we get out of this Isle?" Arthur asked him when they calmed down.

"There was a boat somewhere... here...?" Merlin frowned.

"It's clearly not here," Arthur pointed out.

"Well... I was in hurry. I was saving your life, remember? We'll find it. Just give me a moment..."

The path to Camelot was long but it definitely wasn't going to be boring. Merlin and Arthur found the boat eventually and started their way home.

It was just the beginning.

oOoOo

It started getting darker and darker. Arthur felt fine but Merlin looked quite tired.

"I think we should stop here for the night. It's getting late," the king said. His words startled Merlin a little as they'd remained silent for a longer while.

"Here?" Merlin asked, a bit weakly.

Arthur looked around. "What's wrong with this place?"

"We had a break here before," Merlin told him. "You probably don't remember it very well as you were weak and exhausted back then," he added sadly.

"Is this place bothering you, Merlin?" Arthur asked, coming closer to his friend and looking him in the eyes. "I'll know if you lie."

"A bit," Merlin admitted, defeated.

Arthur's features softened. "I'm alive and I don't feel like dying any time soon."

Merlin nodded. He didn't want to talk about his fears and feelings. It all was too fresh. He feared that it was always going to be too much.

"We can stay here for the night," said Merlin finally.

"Are you sure?" asked Arthur.

The warlock nodded.

"I'll prepare the fire," he said and moved towards the woods.

Arthur grabbed his arm. "You can just use your magic. I want you to," the king encouraged him.

Merlin smiled slightly and his eyes turned gold for a brief moment. Arthur gasped. It was the first time he saw Merlin's eyes doing magic.

"Your eyes..." he started but he didn't know how to finish it. They were wild and beautiful at the same time but he couldn't just say such things out loud.

"I know," Merlin said and smiled some more.

They lay down on the ground near the fire that Merlin ignited. Their arms were brushing slightly and they both were looking up at the sky. The night was calm and peaceful. Merlin wanted to stay there forever with Arthur by his side. That was a beautiful dream.

"You should rest, Merlin," Arthur said softly. "I can see how tired you are."

"I wish I could but I can't fall asleep," he whispered.

"You don't have to worry about me," his friend told him.

Merlin snorted. "Not everything is about you," he mumbled.

"Of course but this is about me." Arthur sounded quite certain.

"You're such a prat," said Merlin and turned on his side so he didn't have to look at Arthur.

Arthur sighed. "And again you're trying to turn everything into a joke or nothing at all," he accused. "I just want you to be serious and honest with me. You can be back to your usual jabbering self in the morning, but now please, be serious."

The king moved slightly towards Merlin so the other man could feel his breath on his neck.

"Tell me why you can't sleep and maybe I can help it," Arthur whispered and his every word made Merlin shiver.

"When I close my eyes..." Merlin was close to a break down and he couldn't do that in front of Arthur. He had to be tough. He had to calm down. "When I close my eyes, I see your dead body," he said quickly and felt a sudden relief. It felt good to share it with someone, even Arthur.

"Merlin..." Arthur whispered.

"I will get over it soon," Merlin promised. "You don't have to worry."

Suddenly Merlin felt Arthur's arm around his waist. He couldn't help thinking that it was highly intimate. He never suspected that Arthur could do such gesture towards him.

"Now you can feel that I'm still here, warm and alive," Arthur told him. "Now you should rest. You know you need it."

"I do," Merlin whispered and struggled with himself to close his eyes.

He could still see Arthur's dead form lying on the ground but this time he could also feel Arthur's very much alive body, pressing close to him. It felt almost safe. It felt like home.

oOoOo

Merlin dreamt of Ealdor and of Arthur the farmer living there next to him. There was no magic or dragons or other crazy things. It was just them and their simple village life.

He was suddenly woken up by Arthur.

"Someone's here," the king whispered.

Here it was, the end of a dream and start of a normal life.

They both stood up in hurry. Arthur grabbed his sword, even though there was no need for it. Whoever it was, Merlin could defeat them just with one thought.

The tall and well built man emerged from between the trees, holding something in his right hand.

"Percival!" Arthur laughed whole-heartedly and lowered his sword. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you, my lord," the knight said. "I found both of you about an hour ago."

"Why didn't you wake us up?" asked Merlin.

"You looked as if you needed more sleep. You must have gone through a lot these past few days," Percival explained. "I decided to find something for us to eat in the morning so I hunted a hare."

"An excellent idea," said Arthur. "I'm starving."

"Something's bothering you, Percival," Merlin said when they were baking the hare over the fire Merlin ignited the previous night.

"That's true," the knight admitted. "Some of our closest friends didn't survive this war," he said sadly.

Merlin gasped. "It's Gwaine, isn't it?" he said.

Percival just nodded.

"Who did that?" Arthur asked, clearly upset by the news.

"Morgana," he said and told them about their reckless mission. From this perspective, Percival knew that they never stood a chance.

"Gwaine's death, as well as many others, has been avenged," Arthur told him, trying to console his broken heart. Gwaine was Percival's best friend. Everybody who had eyes and looked at them knew that. "Morgana's dead, thanks to Merlin."

Percival turned his gaze towards Merlin and looked at him from head to toe. "How did you do that?" he asked in disbelief. "Me and Gwaine didn't manage and you..."

Merlin didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to tell all his friends about his hidden talents now. That was why he looked at Arthur, trying to find some answers himself.

Arthur looked at Merlin seriously and then looked back at Percival.

"Is something wrong?" the knight asked.

"It depends on what you consider wrong," said Arthur. "Our friend Merlin is apparently stronger than he looks. He's been telling me this for years but I realised only a few days ago how truthful his words were." He laughed a bit, not believing that he hadn't noticed it sooner. Now that he put all the puzzles together it seemed quite obvious.

"I still don't understand," Percival admitted. "Can't you just tell me?"

"Arthur is trying to say that I have magic," Merlin finally said it out loud.

Percival first looked at him numb in disbelief, then angry and finally a bit scared.

"You're a sorcerer," he eventually managed to say. Instinctively, he grabbed the shaft of his sword.

Merlin didn't seem much surprised by his reaction. He knew that he would have to face a lot of similar reactions once his secret was revealed.

"Put the sword down, Percival," said Arthur firmly. "That's not necessary. Merlin is our friend and he saved my life more than once. Magic doesn't define him. It defines no one."

Merlin was truly touched by these words. He realised before that Arthur came to terms with his magic but this was something more. Arthur was defending him. He presented a whole new perspective on magic and its users. That was something Merlin had always wanted to hear.

"Magic corrupts. You said it yourself," Percival insisted but he lowered his sword anyway.

"Each kind of power can corrupt," said Arthur. "Your sword can corrupt you. My throne can corrupt me. It depends on us, what we do with our swords and thrones and magic," he continued smoothly.

Percival first looked at Arthur and then he turned his gaze towards Merlin.

"I am still the same person. I mean no harm to you or Arthur or Camelot," Merlin said. "I know it's hard to believe after all the mess Morgana created but not all people of magic are like her." He sighed. "To be honest, she wasn't always like this and I partially blame myself for the person she became... for the person that you got to know. She was once a scared girl who didn't understand her powers. Se had no one to turn to and I was too afraid to reveal my own secret to her and I regret that with all my heart. I had Gaius and she was alone."

"Are you trying to make her a better person than she was?" asked Percival.

"Not at all," Merlin assured him immediately. "Morgana was evil and I killed her for all the horrible things she put upon us, remember? She was corrupted by her powers and blinded by her hatred. She trusted the wrong people and made the wrong choices on her way. Many innocent people died because of her and there is nothing that can make her look better. I simply pity her because I know that she could be a better person. She had potential."

"It's over, Merlin," Arthur interrupted him. "There's nothing you can do about it."

Merlin smiled a bit sadly. "I know. I just regret that the path she chose was full of hatred."

"Me too," said Arthur honestly and Merlin felt that he meant it. "She was my sister after all."

Percival put his sword aside, apparently deciding that Merlin was no threat to him and his king. Merlin noticed it and nodded, saying, "Thank you."

Percival nodded too. The last few days were very long for all of them. Long and exhausting. They lost many people they knew and cared about. Nothing was going to be the same ever again.

"May I ask you a question, Percival?" Merlin asked suddenly, just after they started eating the breakfast.

The knight looked at him closely. "What is it?" he asked.

"Was Gwaine alone when he was dying?"

Percival lowered his gaze and even Arthur could sense the rising tension. However, he realised that he also wanted to know. After all, Gwaine was one of them.

"No, I was with him in his last moments. I saw so many deaths but it was worse than others," he admitted. "There was nothing I could do and I knew it was my fault. I could have..." his voice broke and he decided to stop talking. That was way too much. The wound was too fresh.

"Make all of us a favour, Percival, and don't blame yourself," Arthur told him. "It will make no good."

"Gwaine wouldn't want you to blame yourself," added Merlin, even though he knew that there was no words that could truly reassure Percival. If Arthur had died, he would have been exactly like Percival or even worse. The knight needed time to heal. This process couldn't be rushed. It didn't work like this.

"Can we not talk about it... ever again?" asked Percival. He didn't want pity. He needed to be strong for his king and this kingdom and bringing back all the emotions related to Gwaine's death was ruining it.

Merlin and Arthur looked at each other understandingly.

"Of course," the king said and they ate the rest of their meal in complete silence.