The Heartbeat
Chapter 11
"For the love of Camelot"
Sir Lamorak had become unbearable during the last few Council meetings. Arthur tried to be patient with him but he had enough. Merlin was impressed that the king managed to stand this madness for so long. He wondered when the breaking point would come and had a feeling that it was going to be sooner rather than later.
The truth was that Sir Lamorak felt that he was losing the fight that he had started. At the beginning, he truly believed that people were going to follow him. They had suffered a lot because of magic and this kind of prejudice couldn't just be erased. Unfortunately for him, he underestimated Merlin's charm and abilities. The Court Sorcerer managed to do something that seemed impossible from the very beginning. He convinced people that they shouldn't fear magic and that it could be used for their benefit. Of course, Sir Lamorak didn't trust him at all and he wasn't going to sit in silence and accept the new order of things. Moreover, he saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. He didn't think that Arthur Pendragon was good king material. The king was too impulsive and his foolish decision to restore magic to Camelot only confirmed his previous suspicions.
There was not much left to do to convince people that Arthur Pendragon was not worthy of his title, but Lamorak was determined to at least try. He believed that at this moment he didn't have much to lose. The king already suspected him and it was his last chance.
The Council meeting was a perfect opportunity. He'd already sown the seeds of doubt and distraction during the previous meetings. It was the time either to take action and win or lose and go down. It was his last chance.
They were all sitting together at the Round Table, discussing some state matters when Sir Lamorak asked all the Council members for their attention.
"What is it, Sir Lamorak?" Arthur asked him politely, even though he was boiling inside.
"I would like to come back to the matter of magic in Camelot, Sire," he said boldly.
"We discussed it many times before, Sir Lamorak," the king reminded him. "Today's meeting has a different agenda."
"This is important," the lord insisted.
Arthur sighed inwardly. He had enough of Lamorak's games. Merlin, however, gave him a short knowing look so he decided that there was no point in denying it. He had to let Lamorak talk.
"All right, Sir Lamorak. Our agenda can wait. Please speak up your concerns."
"The ban on magic should be restored," Sir Lamorak started smoothly.
"We've discussed it already," said Arthur. "Magic is neutral. How it's used depends entirely on the person who wields it. My father made a mistake when he banned it years ago."
"Your father knew what was best for this kingdom, Sire," Sir Lamorak spoke daringly. "He introduced the ban on magic to protect the people of Camelot."
"He did it because he was angry about the things that happened to my mother," Arthur replied. He didn't want to discuss his mother's death but he was ready to do it if it was necessary.
"You weren't there, Sire," Lamorak mumbled. "You didn't see what he saw."
"I don't have to see something to know it. Magic wronged me too. Many times." He glanced at Merlin, looking for silent support. "I was angry with what happened to Morgana. I blamed magic for that. But she was to blame. My father was to blame. And finally, I was to blame."
"Magic corrupted her soul," Sir Lamorak insisted.
"I believe it was Morgause who corrupted her and Morgause was as bitter as my father."
"Perhaps magic corrupted you as well," Sir Lamorak finally uttered. His words made the whole Council gasp and go silent instantly.
Arthur lifted his gaze and looked the old lord directly in the eye. It was too much for Arthur to endure or forget.
"What are you suggesting?" he asked eventually. His voice spread all over the Council room like a threat.
"Arthur..." Merlin murmured worryingly. He knew that the king had to do something with this insubordinate lord but he had to keep his temper at bay.
Sir Lamorak stood up slowly and looked down on Arthur. This gesture alone was an act of insolence but Lamorak had more to present.
"I strongly believe that you are not yourself, Arthur Pendragon," he said boldly. He didn't even bother to use the appropriate title and spoke to him as if the king was his inferior.
"You should be careful with your words," Sir Leon spoke up, warningly.
Arthur sent him a short glance, trying to calm him down. He needed to handle it on his own.
"You can speak freely, Sir Lamorak," Arthur assured him. "Speak up your mind once and for all. We can't continue these meetings like this."
"Shall I be entirely honest?" Lamorak asked. His voice wasn't trembling but Arthur could see a shade of fear in his eyes.
"I expect nothing less," the king told him.
Sir Lamorak looked around, assessing his chances. He was surrounded by various people but most of them weren't on his side. They were Arthur's men but he knew that he had no choice. There was also a small group of Counsellors from the older generation who was against Arthur's changes almost as much as he was. However, he wondered if they were ready to support him in front of the whole Council. There was only one way to find out.
"With all due respect, the king who returns magic to Camelot and who is deaf to any arguments concerning the danger that it brings is no king of mine," Sir Lamorak said, looking directly at Arthur. "You are either stupid or possessed. Either way, I won't be calling you my king any more."
Once again, the Council went completely silent.
Merlin watched Arthur very carefully, looking for any sign of explosion. Arthur, however, was extraordinarily calm. Merlin had to admit before himself that he was impressed.
"Do you have anything else to add?" Arthur asked very quietly.
Lamorak glanced at Merlin viciously.
"You should have never trusted a serving boy," he snapped. "He will become your end, Arthur Pendragon. You don't deserve to be your father's son, as you let a filthy sorcerer decide on the fate of this kingdom. One day, you're going to regret it."
"I highly doubt it," Arthur couldn't help saying.
"You're nothing but a mere puppet in the hands of an enemy," Lamorak continued. "You should be ashamed of yourself."
"Are you aware that what you say can be considered a treason?" Arthur asked him finally. He had enough of the insults that this old lord was throwing at him.
"You committed a treason when you allowed magic back in Camelot." Lamorak looked around, trying to meet the eyes of other Counsellors. "Aren't you going to support my statement?" he asked. "You know it's true. Magic harmed this kingdom and now it's free again. This is madness!"
No one dared to speak up.
"Really?" Sir Lamorak snorted. " Sir Lionel?" he looked directly at his fellow lord but the man intentionally avoided his gaze.
Then Sir Lamorak realised that it was truly over. No one was going to support him.
"So be it," he said much more quietly. "I don't believe in your vision of this kingdom. Do what you must with me."
Arthur remained silent.
"Sire?" Sir Leon asked finally.
"You can escort Sir Lamorak to his home," the king spoke eventually. "Keep a guard at his household until I decide his fate."
All Counsellors watched him, surprised.
"But Sire..."
"That's an order, Sir Percival," said Arthur firmly. "The meeting is over. We'll discuss other cases tomorrow morning. You're all dismissed."
All members left the Council room one by one until only Arthur and Merlin stayed inside.
"What are you going to do, Arthur?" Merlin asked him quietly.
Arthur looked at him hesitantly and said, "I'm not sure yet."
"But you must be sure."
"Lamorak committed a treason and it's punishable by death," Arthur said coldly.
Merlin gasped. "You know I despise this man but you shouldn't kill him."
"That's what my knights expect," Arthur replied. "They witnessed what happened here. Lamorak said horrible lies about me and about you and your magic. If I let him go..."
"If you start killing those who disagree with you, people will fear to state their opinions. Is that the kingdom you want to rule?" Merlin asked.
"Lamorak didn't commit a treason by stating a different opinion than mine," Arthur pointed out. "He said that I'm not his king. He claims that I'm either a fool or manipulated by your magic. It's not a mere rumour that he spread before. He said it out loud in front of me, you and the rest of the Council. How am I supposed to pretend that nothing happened?"
Merlin sighed and came closer to his king. He put his hand on Arthur's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "I'm not asking you to pretend that nothing happened. Lamorak must face the consequences of his actions but I don't want you to be too harsh. Death sentence is definitely not a way. I'm sure you can come up with a better idea."
Arthur bit his lower lip. "I'll think about it," he promised. "Now I want you to leave too. I need some time alone."
Merlin understood. He didn't insist any more and he left the Council room quietly, leaving Arthur alone with his thoughts. It was Arthur's way of dealing with difficult matters.
oOoOo
Arthur didn't talk much until the next day. He didn't share his plans neither with his wife nor with Merlin. All Council members anticipated his decision but Arthur's face was blank. He ordered the guards to bring Sir Lamorak to the throne room where he was sitting majestically in his throne.
Other Counsellors seemed a bit confused but they were extraordinarily quiet.
Merlin watched Arthur carefully and hoped that he wasn't going to do anything stupid. Arthur was stubborn at times but there was no place for it when the matter was so controversial.
The guards brought Sir Lamorak and the old man stood in front of the throne, glaring at Arthur proudly.
"Do you know what you're accused of?" the king asked him.
"I think we all know it," the lord snapped.
"Are you aware of the consequences of your deeds?" Arthur continued, unaffected.
"Death," said Lamorak quietly. "I'm ready for it. Do what you must. This is the only thing that Uther would approve of. You cannot let your people get behind your back."
Merlin noticed that Arthur tensed slightly at the mention of his father's name but he came to his senses almost immediately and continued.
"Death sentence is indeed the highest price for your deeds," he confirmed.
The guards moved closer to Lamorak at these words.
"The one who passes the sentence, should swing the sword," the lord said. "Don't kill me by the hands of the mere guards."
Arthur dismissed the guards with a short nod of his head. He stood up himself and walked up to Lamorak slowly. Merlin gulped, expecting the worst.
"Do it quickly," Lamorak asked, watching as Arthur grabbed his sword.
The king looked down and came even closer to the old lord.
"You're not dying today, Sir Lamorak," he said simply and Merlin let go of a breath that he didn't know he was holding this whole time.
Lamorak was so flabbergasted that he didn't manage to utter a single word.
"You're an old man who wants to live the old ways. I understand that," Arthur told him. "I could kill you but it wouldn't be really fair. The law allows me to do that but my conscience doesn't." Saying that, he glanced shortly at Merlin. "However, I can't keep you here in the city. You're too stubborn to stop living your ways. You must leave the capital and stay out of it until the day you die. I give you time until the end of this day. You can go wherever you want. You can even stay in the kingdom. The only thing that I require is that you stay away from the capital. You're no longer a member of the Council but you can keep your family title."
"What's going to happen with my family?" Lamorak finally dared to ask.
"They're not going to suffer any consequences. They can stay or they can follow you. That's their decision," Arthur replied. "You're dismissed. Remember that you have time until the end of this day to leave the city."
Sir Lamorak didn't wait any longer. He rushed out of the throne room and his son followed his suit.
Arthur looked at the gathering around him.
"I believe we all need a break. We'll discuss other matters in an hour. I hope to see you all in the Council room then," he said and the Counsellors left the throne room one by one.
"I'm proud of you," Merlin told him quietly when he finally could get closer to Arthur.
His friend smiled lightly. "I can learn from my mistakes, you know."
"I never said you couldn't."
Arthur snorted but then sighed quietly. "There's no time for it now, Merlin. We'll talk in the evening when this crazy day is finally over."
"You will join me for the supper, then?" Merlin asked.
"You shall see," Arthur replied mysteriously and left the throne room before Merlin could ask him more questions.
oOoOo
Merlin wasn't sure what to do with himself. Arthur had been acting mysteriously, not wanting to tell him what he was planning. The king told him that they were going to talk in the evening but that was all that was certain.
Merlin tried to focus on something else. He went through some papers, thought about what to do during his next performance for children and tried to write a letter to his mother. However, nothing worked and he caught himself thinking about Arthur and the incoming evening time after time. It started to be frustrating.
When the evening finally came, Merlin became even more impatient. He knew it was stupid but he couldn't help the feeling that Arthur should already be by his side. If keeping his attention on one thing had been difficult a couple of hours ago, it was impossible at that moment.
Merlin cursed himself for his impatience and for his stupid feelings. He wasn't sure how to function any more when the knock at his door brought him back to the reality.
His heart started beating faster and he needed to take a few deep breaths before he walked up to the doors and opened them.
He smiled at Arthur but then his smile fainted a bit when he saw the state of Arthur's clothes and hair.
"What happened?" he asked worriedly.
"May I come in?" Arthur asked him and Merlin moved a bit to let him in.
"What happened?" The Court Sorcerer repeated his question. "You're completely wet."
Arthur shrugged. "It's just the rain," he simply said. "Don't worry."
"Where have you been?" Merlin wasn't going to give up.
"Outside. Obviously..."
Merlin folded his arms and shook his head in disbelief. "I noticed as much," he said. "Why were you outside in this rain?"
"It wasn't raining an hour ago," Arthur pointed out.
"That doesn't explain anything."
Arthur sighed and sat in one of the two armchairs that Merlin had in his chamber.
Merlin wasn't sure but his king looked slightly embarrassed.
"You'll laugh at me," Arthur said finally, confirming Merlin's suspicions.
Merlin sat in the other armchair, which was opposite to Arthur's, and said gently, "I will not do such thing."
Arthur looked at his friend uncertainly. "Fine," he said. "I was trying to prepare a surprise to celebrate our success."
Merlin was intrigued. "Outside?" he asked.
"Yes, Merlin, outside. That's obvious." He made a gesture, pointing out the wet state of his body. "The weather was nice when I planned it. How could I know it was going to rain in the evening?"
"Arthur, what did you plan?"
A blush crept on king's cheeks. "I wanted to take you for a short ride and then have a picnic as our celebration," he admitted shyly.
"A picnic? In the evening?" Merlin thought that only Arthur could have such a bizarre idea.
"I needed some time to have it arranged and I didn't want to engage the servants," he said. "I know you don't like it."
Merlin's heart skipped a beat at these words. "That's very sweet of you," he said quietly. Then he rose from his armchair and moved towards Arthur. He put his hand on Arthur's arm and momentarily the king felt a wave of warm air and the wetness faded away.
Arthur looked at him with surprised eyes. "You didn't have to," he mumbled.
"You were trying to make a surprise for me. That's the least I could do," Merlin assured him.
"But I failed," Arthur admitted.
Merlin smiled widely at him. "No, you didn't. We can still celebrate the victory here."
"I left the food behind. It was completely wet."
"I can bring us some fresh food," Merlin told him, smiling. "It's not a problem."
"But I wanted to prepare it all and..."
Merlin hushed him with a wave of his hand.
"I appreciate that, Arthur, I do, but it doesn't matter. I want to celebrate the acceptance of magic with you. I don't care where and how. I'm just glad that you're here. Alive and healthy," Merlin assured him. "You're the king. You don't have to know how to cook or arrange picnics. I will gladly do it for you."
"You're the Court Sorcerer," Arthur mumbled. "You don't need to know these things either."
Merlin looked at him, amused. "I've been taking care of you for over ten years. I already know how to do these things."
Arthur nodded, defeated. "Next time I'll try to have a backup plan."
"Next time you'll tell me what you're planning and we'll do it together," said Merlin, laughing.
"It won't be a surprise then," Arthur pointed out.
"I don't need any surprises, Arthur. I am completely fine without them," Merlin assured him.
"I feel like a complete idiot," the king admitted. "I didn't manage to finish such a simple task."
"You are an idiot sometimes but definitely not now." Merlin smiled at him encouragingly. "Wait here a moment and I'll bring us some food. I'm starving."
"All right," Arthur agreed and watched as his friend was leaving the chamber with a light step.
When Merlin came back with food and wine floating behind his back, Arthur managed to strike him with surprise. He was gone for less than twenty minutes but during that time Arthur must have found all the candles that were hidden in the room, and he arranged them and lit them all up.
Arthur smiled with satisfaction, seeing his face.
"I thought I'd at least create some nice atmosphere," Arthur told him nonchalantly. "Do you like it?"
"It will do," Merlin replied but smiled at Arthur to show him that he truly appreciated the gesture.
Then Merlin noticed that Arthur not only lit the candles but also laid out a blanket in front of the fireplace.
Arthur followed his gaze. "We can't have a picnic outside because of the weather so we'll have it inside," he said sheepishly.
"It seems so," Merlin replied, and with the use of magic, the food landed on the blanket.
They sat down in front of the fireplace and started eating and talking about the events of the morning. It wasn't very serious but they agreed to appreciate the changes that started happening in people's minds. After all, it was their success. For the first time, Merlin truly started believing that one day people of Camelot were going to accept magic completely. He said it out loud and Arthur looked at him with a genuine smile.
"I always knew you could do that," he said quietly.
"You believed in me more than I believed in myself," Merlin admitted. "Thank you."
"That's what friends are for, isn't it? You always believed in me too. Even when I no longer believed in myself," Arthur told him.
"It seems that we both have that in common," said Merlin, smiling warmly.
"We are quite a team, aren't we?"Arthur pointed out and they both laughed at that.
"It's true, though," Merlin admitted.
"Since when do we agree with everything?" Arthur asked suddenly.
"I think we should blame wine for that," said Merlin, filling up their chalices as they were almost empty.
Arthur took his chalice from Merlin's hand. It was once again filled with delicious wine.
"We've drunk quite a lot, haven't we?" he mumbled and took another sip.
"Hush you." Merlin winked at him. "You wanted to celebrate, so we celebrate."
"You're right. Today we celebrate. We'll regret it tomorrow."
They both burst out with laughter at these words.
"Won't Gwen be angry?" Merlin asked, sipping his wine. "You're impossible when you're drunk."
"Too late." Arthur mumbled and tugged Merlin's arm to pull him closer. "I like it here," he murmured. "You made this room so... Merlinesque."
"You must be really drunk. You've started making up words," Merlin pointed out.
"I learned that from you," Arthur defended himself. "There's no such words as clotpole or cabbage-head but you keep calling me by them."
"Of course these words are real," Merlin protested. "They describe you perfectly."
"Only you use these words."
"Because only I can see the real you," Merlin replied. "You are my clotpole and my cabbage-head. No one else's." Then Merlin realised what he just said. He blushed deeply and instantly went silent.
Arthur didn't seem bothered by his words and he simply said, "Good. You can call me these names. But only you and only when we're alone."
"I can't promise that," Merlin mumbled but his voice was tender and soft. "But I could try."
Their eyes met and Merlin wanted to melt under Arthur's gaze. His heart was beating so loud that he was certain that Arthur could hear it too. They were very close, half-sitting half-lying by each other's side. It was dangerously close. Merlin was no longer sure what he was doing and why he was so careless. Their celebration was private and now it started turning into something intimate. Merlin couldn't let it happen, it would be too painful in the end, but somehow he couldn't restrain himself.
"Fill up my chalice," Arthur broke the silence suddenly, and they both blinked and turned their gaze away in confusion.
Merlin wanted to say something along the lines that he was no longer Arthur's personal servant and that the king could at least ask nicely but he chose to silently follow Arthur's order. It was simpler that way. Automatic even. It was part of life to which he got used to.
"We shouldn't be drinking this much," Merlin finally mumbled but he passed Arthur his chalice and filled up his own too.
"Shut up," Arthur replied in an almost affectionate tone. "Perhaps I'll have a dreamless sleep finally."
Merlin frowned. "Do you have nightmares?" he asked worryingly. "Gaius could prepare you some tonic or I could think about a spell..."
"There's no need," Arthur murmured, sipping his wine. "I don't have nightmares. Not really. These are just... some weird dreams." Saying that, he stared at Merlin's lips. "Very weird," he repeated.
Merlin looked at him steadily. "Weird how?" he asked shyly. He didn't want to be too pushy. The dreams could be very personal but Arthur started the topic himself and Merlin found himself curious about them.
"I dream of a place surrounded by mist," Arthur admitted after a while of silence. "I can't see much beside the mist but I can hear the voices. Many different voices from all around me."
Merlin gulped. The picture that Arthur was describing sounded familiar. Too familiar.
"You are there too. I can hear you. Your voice is clear. It's somewhere near," Arthur continued. "The other voices are like whispers. Does it... does it sound familiar to you?" he asked.
"A bit," Merlin admitted hesitantly.
"I dream about this place since you saved me," Arthur told him and put his chalice aside. Suddenly he didn't want to drink any more. "Do I... Do I remember Avalon?"
"Perhaps." Merlin didn't want to lie to him, even though he was scared of what Arthur was going to say next. "Do you hear what these voices say?"
"Not much," Arthur admitted. "These whispers are not very clear."
Merlin felt a sudden wave of relief. It wasn't as bad as he feared.
"Do you dream of anything else?" he asked to make sure that he was safe.
"There is something. I'm not sure what it is... My dreams stop every time when it starts... No, it's madness," Arthur said decisively. "It's a mere trick of my imagination." He lowered his gaze and shook his head, blushing slightly. "I was just overwhelmed. I was dying and emotional and now I have some weird dreams about it."
Merlin watched him very closely. He could tell that Arthur was struggling with something that he didn't want to share. Merlin didn't even hope to push him. It seemed that Arthur had some blurry memories from Avalon and that he was embarrassed about them. The first things that came to his mind were his love confession and their kiss. He didn't want to discuss any of these things. They were better left unsaid.
Then something changed in Arthur. He lifted his eyes and looked directly into Merlin's.
"What happened in Avalon?" he asked in a quiet but trembling voice.
"As I told you before, you were saved by the witches and wizards of Avalon," Merlin tried to explain patiently.
"But how was it possible? I believe you told me that I was dead," Arthur insisted.
"Yes, I believe that you were dead for a very short moment."
"Then how am I still alive?" Arthur believed that it was a valid question in these circumstances.
"Because of their magic."
"Merlin."
Merlin sighed. "They performed some ancient spell which is beyond my understanding. How am I supposed to explain that to you?" he asked, being equally afraid and angry. He didn't want Arthur to ask him these kinds of questions.
"What were you supposed to do in all of this?" Arthur asked, not being willing to simply give up. The wine gave him courage to ask difficult questions and he was going to follow his primal instincts.
"I was using my magic to save you, as I always did." He didn't like the direction of this conversation but he didn't know how to stop it.
"But were you supposed to do something..." Arthur hesitated, "uncomfortable?"
Merlin was no longer angry with Arthur. He could see that his king's eyes were both worried and curious. Arthur just wanted to find the answers that Merlin wasn't going to give him.
"Saving you wasn't uncomfortable. It was the greatest thing I've ever done and I don't regret a thing," he said honestly.
For a short moment Arthur was smiling at him, but then his smile faded away.
"That's not what I asked," he whispered.
"But that's the truth," Merlin told him before he could ask more questions. "I would save you again and again and again. No matter what."
"Merlin..."
"I don't know what I would have done if you died." His voice started trembling.
"Don't think about it. I'm here," said Arthur and did something that Merlin didn't expect. He embraced him tightly and put his forehead against Merlin's.
"Then don't ask me such questions," Merlin replied but his voice was soft and quite happy.
"I won't," Arthur promised.
Suddenly, it didn't matter if Arthur did remember something about their kiss or not. It seemed that he was starting to have some vague idea about it but Merlin decided not to care about it for the rest of that night. In that sweet embrace, he celebrated the day of their victory, the day that was just nearing to an end, but most of all, Merlin celebrated Arthur's life. It was a gift that he was going to cherish for the rest of their days.
oOoOo,
They woke up a couple of hours later on the hard floor with a massive headache.
"We fell asleep on the floor," mumbled Arthur.
"I'm never drinking with you again," Merlin replied to him.
Arthur looked at him pointedly, knowing that Merlin didn't really mean that.
"Bring us some pillows," Arthur told him.
"You're not going to sleep on the floor, are you?"
Arthur just frowned at him.
"Get up, you prat," Merlin said too loudly for Arthur's liking.
"Too tired," the king mumbled. "I'm not able to go to my chambers right now."
Merlin had to try very hard not to roll his eyes. "I'm not throwing you from my room," he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire world. "My bed is large and much more comfortable than the floor."
"Is it an invitation?" Arthur asked.
Merlin knew that he didn't mean what it sounded like but his traitorous heart started beating faster.
"I won't offer it again," Merlin warned him and Arthur followed him obediently.
Neither of them had time to process what just happened between them because as soon as their heads touched the pillows, they fell soundly asleep.
When they woke up a few hours later, they chose not to talk about all the things they discussed in the evening. It was easier that way.