The truce began with a journey to the Grounder village of Tondc. As per Lexa's terms, Finn's body would burn alongside the victims of the massacre. Clarke had asked me to come. I had no desire to go back to that place, but I hadn't been able to refuse. Not when her eyes were still red, and her hands stained with blood.

Even so, I doubted I would receive a warm welcome in that village. I wished Murphy were here. He'd seen Finn's madness, had witnessed the deaths of those innocent people. I hated the guy, and would most likely never forgive him for what he'd done to Charlotte, for what he'd tried to do to Bellamy. And yet, I couldn't deny I felt a sort of kinship with him. But I was alone, and I had to deal with it. So I walked in silence, and kept my eyes to the ground. Each time I looked up, I would find a Grounder glaring at me, or muttering what were unmistakably threats under their breaths.

Bellamy was here as well. He walked ahead of me, his hands tight around his gun. I found myself staring at the back of his head, more often that I liked. We hadn't talked at all in the hours since we'd left Camp Jaha. To be honest, I had no desire to do so. Not until I no longer felt embarrassment and anger whenever I saw him.

I had never been in love before. A few crushes here and there, but nothing to the magnitude of what I felt for Bellamy. And to have those feelings thrown in my face…it hurt. It hurt so bad. But it had taught me one valuable lesson: to never let anyone have that kind of power on me again.

'Y/N,' my father said as he walked next to me. 'Are you feeling alright? You've been quiet all morning.'

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ground. But my father would have none of it. He grabbed my arm gently, forcing me to look at him.

'You don't have to pretend with me, kiddo.'

I sighed, giving up. It was no use lying to the man who had raised me. He knew me better than I knew myself.

'It's just…a bit much, you know?' I said, keeping my voice down. 'My friends are locked up in that mountain, and I don't know if they're alive, if they're being harmed or if they think we gave up on them. Finn just died, and Clarke had to kill him herself. Then, there's that truce. I'm worried it won't hold for long. Scared it'll break before we can rescue everyone from Mount Weather. And even if we do get our people back, what comes after? Will the truce evolve into an alliance, or will we go back to slaughtering each other?'

My father shook his head, chuckling. I furrowed my brows, wondering what, among all I'd said, was worthy of laughter.

'You sound just like me,' he said, his eyes fond. 'I would always worry above every little thing that could go wrong, long before it did. It drove your mother mad.'

I swallowed, my eyes burning. How long had it been since he'd mentioned my mother in my presence? Nine years? Ten? She had always been a forbidden subject in our family. But it seemed that, just like me, my father had changed.

'Do you want to know what she said to me, when I worried too much?' my father continued.

I nodded.

'She said: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Do you understand?'

'Not really.'

'It's no use worrying too much about the future. Deal with what's in front of you first, then, the problem that comes after. Before you know it, you'll have accomplished more than you ever thought you could.'

I smiled at my father, the first smile on my lips in what seemed like years.

'I'll try,' I said.

'That's all I'm asking.'

He put an arm around my shoulders and held me tightly against his side, dropping a loving kiss on the top of my head. For a second, I allowed myself the comfort of his fatherly embrace. Then, I stepped out of his arms and walked with a new resolve. He was right. I would worry about the truce and Mount Weather later. For now, all I had to do was get out of this trip alive.

We arrived at Tondc the next day. I hadn't slept well. Even in the relative safety of my tent, which I shared with my father, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong. I tossed and turned for hours, and only closed my eyes for a few minutes at a time. When the sun finally rose above the horizon, I was not in a good mood. It didn't improve when I realized that Bellamy had slept next to Clarke.

I hated that I felt jealous of every girl he looked at, even after being thoroughly humiliated by him. This wasn't me. I was supposed to be stronger than this. But I couldn't help it. And I felt so alone. Raven blamed me for Finn's death. Octavia kept throwing me strange looks, and I knew that if I spoke to her, she would ask me about Bellamy. And Clarke… I'd tried to talk to her. But it was painfully obvious nothing I could say would make her feel better.

Finally, after hours of walking in complete silence, we reached the village. Lexa and her right-hand man, Gustus, dismounted, and we were ordered to give up our weapons. Lincoln moved without hesitation, handing Gustus his dagger.

'We need to disarm before we enter,' Lincoln explained.

I handed my bow and quiver, as well as the knife I kept in a holster on my thigh. I felt almost naked, without the reassuring weight of my weapons. If anything went wrong inside the village…I would have nothing to defend myself with. And, God, I hated it.

Gustus moved to Raven, who glared at him, fury in her eyes. She made no move to disarm, and only stared at him as he took her rifle and blades from her himself. He turned her around, taking another knife from her backpack. Finally, he declared that we were good to go.

The group walked towards the village. For a second, my legs were frozen and pure panic filled me. I couldn't get inside. I could hear the screams of the people Finn had gunned down, the people I'd failed to save. I could see the earth stained with crimson blood.

Then, there was a hand on the small of my back, warm and steady. I inhaled sharply, raising my head and found Bellamy's eyes boring into my own. They seemed darker than usual, and my heart hammered in my chest. He didn't say anything, but I knew he understood. And I knew, he had my back. No matter what had happened between us, I could count on him. I didn't know if that made me love him or hate him more.

'Stay close,' he said gruffly.

Finally, I moved forward. Bellamy dropped his hand from my back, but he stayed by my side, his eyes full of fire. Octavia looked back at us and frowned, shooting me an inquisitive look. I shrugged. I had no idea what was going on in her brother's head either.

The people of Tondc were, at first, elated to see their Commander. They cheered, broad smiles on their lips, eyes alight with wonder. That all stopped as soon as they saw us. There was a hollow silence as they realized our hands were free of bonds. That we weren't prisoners, but allies of Lexa. Then, the shouting started. I didn't need to speak their tongue to understand that we were being insulted.

I kept my head down, and Bellamy angled his body so he could shield me from view as much as possible. My father came on the other side, doing the same. I felt like a child, and yet, I was grateful for the protection.

Lexa stopped, and I looked above Bellamy's shoulder. There was a man in front of her, his eyes full of fury. He spat out words in Trigedasleng. The people around us nodded in agreement, and stepped closer to our group. My father gripped my elbow, his fingers digging into the skin. To ground himself, as much as to make sure I was still there.

Gustus gave a command to the man, the tone clear. But when the man kept talking, Lexa gave a nod to Gustus. He shot forward and sent his fist crashing into the man's jaw. There was a cracking sound, and the man fell down. Gustus didn't stop there. He knelt on his victim's chest, and kept pounding him, again and again. The villagers fell silent, horrified. Yet, none moved to help him.

Clarke then stepped up to Lexa's side.

'Commander,' she said, 'stop him. Please. They'll blame us for this too.'

Lexa hesitated for a short second. Then, she gave a command and Gustus stepped back. The poor man was helped to his feet, and shot a glare in Lexa's direction. But she had already turned away, facing the rest of the villagers.

'The Sky People march with us now,' she said, staring down the crowd. 'Anyone who tries to stop that will pay with their life.'

The crowd was silent, and Lexa turned around, satisfied. Bellamy shook his head, letting out a relieved breath.

'Warm welcome,' he said.

'Can you blame them?' I shot back.

He looked at me strangely, but before he could answer, my father steered me forward. It was time for the ritual. In the center of the village, a pyre had already been built. And all around, leaning on the woods, were the eighteen victims of the massacres. They were wrapped in cloth, from their heads to their toes, and yet…and yet, I thought I recognized some of them. Finn was soon placed on top.

'Deep breaths,' my father whispered in my ear. 'One step at a time.'

I managed to move until I was standing with the rest of our group, and my father put his arm around my shoulders. Abby, on the other side, took my hand. Lexa stepped up on a platform, and began to speak in Trigedasleng. The village was silent, listening to her words.

'People of Tondc,' Lincoln said in a low, sad voice. Translating Lexa's speech. 'In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past.'

Clarke breathed in shakily, her eyes glistening with tears. She watched as Lexa was handed a torch, and her eyes widened when the Commander called her name. The Grounders shifted uneasily on their feet, realizing that Lexa intended for Clarke to burn the bodies. A bold gesture. But Clarke obeyed, and stepped on the platform, grasping the torch.

'Yu gonplei ste odon,' she said as she lit the pyre. Your fight is over.

Soon, the smell of burnt flesh filled the air. My eyes watered, but I refused to look away. And as the bodies of Finn, and the victims of the massacre fell to ash, I breathed out. It felt like a page of my life has just been turned, taking what was left of my innocence with it. I didn't mind. The person I was before…I had been a child. I was different now, older and stronger. It remained to see if it was better…or worse.

'Y/N,' Octavia said as the fire died away, an eternity later. 'Come on. The Grounders set up a banquet.'

I wasn't hungry. Witnessing bodies being burned tended to take away one's appetite. But still, I followed my friends as we were led down a set of stairs, into an underground vast room. There was a long table, laden with food and drinks. The Grounders stood on my side, my friends on the other. I stood next to my father, and my heart jostled when Bellamy took his place on my other side.

My father took out a bottle of moonshine, wrapped in cloth, from his jacket.

'Please accept this gift, commander,' he said respectfully. 'We drink this at special occasions. I believe this qualifies.'

Gustus took it first, then handed it to Lexa. She studied the bottle, and I could see curiosity shining in her eyes.

'Thank you, Marcus of the sky people,' she said.

'You're welcome, Lexa,' my father answered, before saying in Trigedasleng: 'Kom Trikru. Just don't drink too much of it.'

Lexa nodded, and turned to Clarke.

'Let us drink together,' she said to my blond friend.

'It would be my pleasure.'

A man brought two metal cups, which Gustus set on the table. Lexa poured some moonshine into both of them, and handed one of the cups to Clarke. She gave the other to Gustus. For a second, I was confused, until I realized he would drink first to make sure it wasn't poisoned. I knew it wasn't, but my heart still raced in my chest as he took a sip.

Satisfied, he then gave it back to Lexa.

'Tonight, we celebrate our newfound peace,' she said. 'Tomorrow, we plan our war. To those we've lost and to those we shall soon find.'

Lexa and Clarke lifted the cups to their lips. But suddenly, Gustus groaned and fell forward, pain twisting his features into a scowl. He coughed, and stumbled backwards.

'It's poison!' A Grounder shouted.

Bellamy ran to Clarke and knocked her cup out of her hands. Not that I thought she was going to drink from it now.

'It was the sky people!' Indra roared, unsheathing her sword.

'This wasn't us!' Clarke yelled as the Grounders surrounded our group. 'You have to know this wasn't us!'

Lexa shouted something in Trigedasleng, and we were shoved around as the Grounders started searching our pockets, our bags, everything for a trace of the poison.

'Gustus warned me about you,' Lexa seethed, 'but I didn't listen. Tell me something, Clarke. When you plunged the knife into the heart of the boy you loved, did you not wish that it was mine?'

Clarke, damned her honesty, stayed silent, horror in her eyes. They were interrupted by a Grounder calling for Lexa's attention. He had pulled a vial from Raven's coat, and sniffed it suspiciously.

'That's not mine!' Raven protested. 'I'm telling you, that's not mine! He put it there when he searched me!'

Lexa stared at the vial for a tense few seconds. And when she lifted her head, there was a new resolve in her eyes.

'No sky person leaves this room!' she roared.

The Grounders followed her up the stairs, one by one. Indra, the general, was the last. Lincoln tried to talk to her, but she spat something in his face and closed the bars behind her. I resisted the urge to scream. How had I not realized that the room the banquet was supposed to be held in…could also double up as a cell?

We stayed locked up in that room for what seemed like hours. Bellamy was restless. He kept circling the room, shaking the bars and trying to open the few windows, prowling like a lion in cage. The rest of us weren't doing any better. Clarke, especially. She'd fought with Raven, got a fist to the face from the mechanic. Then, as if that wasn't enough, she'd argued with her mother.

I wanted to help her, but I didn't know how. The best I could do was sit beside her in silence, one of my hand laced with hers. My father approached us, his eyes kind and soft.

'Tearing each other and yourself apart isn't a way to get through this,' he said to Clarke, but he shot me a heavy look as well.

My father, always noticing everything. I shook my head, bitterly amused as he sat down on Clarke's other side.

'Lexa needs this alliance just as much as we do,' he continued. 'She's shown herself to be flexible. She listens to you.'

'She thinks we tried to kill her,' Clarke answered.

'But we know we didn't. So let's figure out who did. Who would want her dead?'

Lincoln scoffed.

'Too many to count,' he said. 'Forming an alliance with you was a risk, especially after what Finn did to this village.'

'So it had to be someone trying to break the alliance,' Octavia added.

Before we could discuss it more, the door behind us creaked open. I shot to my feet, and joined my friends as we huddled together. Away from Nyko, Indra and the Grounders who'd just come inside.

'How's Gustus?' Lincoln asked.

'He will live,' Nyko answered darkly.

Indra ordered something in Trigedasleng, and the other Grounders shot forward, heading straight for Raven. My friends protested, claiming Raven's innocence.

'I argued for all of you to die,' Indra spat, 'but the Commander is merciful. She wants only one.'

'She's innocent,' Lincoln protested.

'I don't care,' Indra roared. She then looked at the other Grounders, and said: 'They move, they bleed.'

They grabbed Raven, hauling her forward as Octavia and Bellamy tried to hold her back. I was frozen. My mind raced, faster than ever, trying to find a way out of this hopeless situation. I had faith that Clarke and the others could figure out who had poisoned Gustus. Or perhaps it wasn't faith. Perhaps it was just a desperate hope, because I knew it was the only option.

But they needed time. And I could give them that.

'Wait,' I said firmly.

Everyone stopped. The Grounders, my friends, Raven. They all stared at me. My voice had been filled with authority, like never before. But I knew it wouldn't last long.

I remembered my mother, sacrificing herself to save Tesla Station. I'd always resented her for putting everyone before her. For allowing herself to die, while I was left behind without a mother.

I understood, now. And I knew what I had to do.

'It was me,' I said. 'I tried to poison Lexa.'

'Y/N, don't-' Bellamy protested.

'Shut the hell up,' I snapped.

He obeyed, his eyes widening. But I could see the conflict in his eyes, and my father's hand on my arm had gotten painfully tight.

'I don't believe you,' Indra said, stepping closer. 'You lie to save your friend. It is foolish.'

'I'm not lying. You want to know what was in that bottle? White snakeroot and deadly nightshade. Causes abdominal pain, nausea and is lethal to most people. Gustus is strong, to have survived it.'

Indra looked at Nyko, who nodded reluctantly. Just like I'd hoped, the healer knew the plants I was talking about. He knew they would make a potent poison. Even if the moonshine had been laced with something completely different, the symptoms were similar enough.

'Why?' Nyko asked. 'Why would you want to poison Lexa?'

'Because…because with the Commander dead, the alliance between the Grounders would be over. I was hoping you would go to war among yourselves, and my people could flee. All I had to do was go in the woods and collect the plants. Took me ten minutes at most. I put the poison in the bottle last night and let it soak for a couple hours, while my father was asleep.'

I knew Indra didn't believe me. I could see it in her eyes. But she knew I'd been standing beside Finn while he massacred her people. And I was betting on the fact that she wanted me dead a lot more than she did Raven.

'Y/N, what the fuck are you doing?' Bellamy asked. His face was white with fury.

'I'm sorry,' I said, staring at my shoes. 'I only did what was best for our people.'

I then turned to Indra.

'Let Raven go,' I asked. 'She's innocent.'

Indra hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded. The Grounder holding Raven pushed her forward, and I caught her in my arms. Before she could move away, I held her tight, and whispered in her ear.

'Find out who did this,' I said. 'Get proof that it wasn't us. And, please, do it quickly.'

Then, as I felt her nod against my shoulder, I gently pushed her away. Her eyes were wide as she realized what I was doing for her.

'Take her,' Indra ordered.

The Grounders seized my arms roughly, pulling me towards the stairs. I didn't fight them. My father was screaming, and Bellamy was trying to get to me. But I refused to look at them. Hopefully, they knew I hadn't really poisoned the moonshine.

'I'll kill you!' Bellamy roared. 'I'll kill you all!'

'Try,' Indra seethed. 'The rest of you are free. When she's dead, so is the alliance. You should run.'

I was having second thoughts. There was a difference between being willing to die to save a friend, and actually be faced with a crowd of angry Grounders who all wanted to stab me. Indra had explained briefly to Lexa why Raven wasn't the one being tied up to the post, and the Commander had nodded. But there was doubt in her eyes.

I was terrified. But I couldn't regret my actions. I had chosen to take Raven's place. And that meant that, however bad the pain got, I could take it. I had to. If I hadn't said anything, if she'd been the one tied to that post…then, once again, I would have been just a witness to a massacre. And I couldn't bear it.

'I take no joy in this, Y/N,' Lexa said, her tone dark. 'But this time, justice will be done.'

I kept quiet. The villagers were staring at me, hatred in their eyes. I knew they recognized me. Some were holding their blades a little too tightly for my taste.

Lexa lifted her knife, resting it on the bare skin of my arm. They'd taken off my shirt, and while my bra covered my breasts, I felt dangerously vulnerable. Lexa took a steadying breath, and cut my arm.

I won't scream, I won't scream, I won't scream…

The pain was there, but it was still bearable. I looked her straight in the eyes while she cut me, refusing to show any sign of weakness. But my body still shook, and I knew this was just the first wound of many. The crowd was already forming a line.

Bellamy was yelling, somewhere to my right, and my father seemed to be talking urgently to someone. I had hoped that they would stay in the room below, that they wouldn't have to witness it. I needed them to focus on finding out who had really poisoned Gustus.

Lexa stepped back, and Indra practically ran to take her place.

'Do your worst,' I smiled harshly.

She snarled, and cut me deep with her dagger, across the expanse of my stomach. This time, I could not hold back a gasp of pain. But still, I did not scream. Indra seemed disappointed, and remained for a few seconds, as if she wanted to cut me a second time. She probably did. There was murder in her eyes. But eventually, she stepped away.

Gustus was next. And I shivered at the satisfaction on his face as he cut on the outside of my thigh, right above my old wound. I bit my tongue hard enough to draw blood, but stayed blissfully silent.

Again and again, they came. Men and women, old and young, all bearing arms. I was sweating profusely, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe, to push past the agonizing pain and hold on to the hope that my friends would stop this torture. But still, I did not regret taking Raven's place.

I chose this, I kept reminding myself. It was the right thing to do.

I hoped that, wherever my mother was, she was watching me proudly. I felt closer to her than I had in years. And I focused on my memories of her, as the next villager stepped forward.

'Stop!' I suddenly heard Clarke shout.

The crowd shifted restlessly on their feet, but Lexa ordered them to let Clarke pass. I watched as she came forward, followed by Bellamy, who stared at me with an ocean of pain in his dark eyes.

'One of your own people tried to kill you, Lexa, not one of mine.'

'Y/N confessed to the crime,' Lexa said.

'She lied, and you know it.' Bellamy snapped.

'I can prove it,' Clarke said firmly.

I saw Nyko approach, and hand Clarke the poisoned bottle of moonshine. I mumbled a protest as she opened it and drank generously. We all waited in tense silence, waiting for her to double over as the poison took effect. But nothing. Clarke stood, healthy as can be.

'Explain,' Lexa demanded.

'The poison wasn't in the bottle,' Clarke said. 'It was in the cup.'

Gustus leaned forward, saying something to Lexa in Trigedasleng. I saw Bellamy frown, and stare at Gustus suspiciously.

'It was you,' he said. 'You tested the cup, you searched Raven.'

'Gustus would never harm me,' Lexa snapped.

'You weren't the target,' Bellamy said. 'The alliance was.'

'We didn't do this, and you know it,' Clarke added.

Lexa turned to Gustus, and asked him what I was sure were explanations. He sighed, and looked at her with a deep, old sadness.

'This alliance would cost you your life, Heda. I could not let that happen.'

'This treachery will cost you yours,' Lexa said, obviously shaken.

She gave an order to the crowd, and Gustus was seized by two Grounders. A third one cut the leather straps holding me to the post. Bellamy, Abby and my father were running for me, but it was Raven who reached me first. She held me tight against her, and I winced as every cut on my body flared with pain. But I didn't push her away. It might have been the blood loss, but I felt a strange urge to laugh. That urge disappeared quickly, though. Right as I tried to take a step, and the cut on my thigh throbbed.

'Ouch.'

Bellamy put his arm around my waist, and my father took my other side. Both looked angry. But while my father's anger seemed directed toward Gustus…Bellamy's was meant for me.

'You're a goddamn idiot,' he said darkly.

'Nah,' my father said with a strange smile. 'She's just her mother's daughter. And, God help me, but I am proud of you, kiddo.'

Bellamy threw a disgusted look at my father, but I was grinning. They sat me down on a log, and Abby fussed over each and everyone of my wounds. Out of the eleven cuts I'd received, only three needed stitches, and neither needed a lot. The one on my thigh, that Gustus had inflicted, was the worst by far.

Abby had her medical supplies with her, and she worked quickly. I had a feeling we all wanted to leave the village as fast as possible. But first, we had to witness Gustus' execution.

'Go,' I told the others. 'I don't want to see it.'

My father dropped a beige blanket around my shoulders, and pressed a kiss on my brow. Then, he, Bellamy and Abby joined the others among the crowd. With them all pressed together, I couldn't see a thing, which was fine by me. I'd seen enough blood for one day.

After a few minutes, I saw an old woman approach me. She was surprisingly tall, but frail and skinny. An intricate tattoo of black and blue whorls adorned the left side of her face. I recognized her. She'd been here, the day of the massacre. One of the people Finn, Murphy and I had locked up in the pen.

The woman didn't seem angry, and she wasn't armed. She carried a bowl, inside of which was a strange green substance that smelled faintly like mint.

'Do you know who I am?' she asked.

'I know your face,' I answered. 'You were…you were there that day.'

'Yes. So was my son. He is dead now.'

I sucked in a breath. God. It was different, seeing the bodies, and being faced with their loved ones. I struggled to answer. Somehow, I knew apologizing wasn't a good idea.

'What was his name?' I asked instead.

'Teggo,' she answered. 'He was a strong lad, with quite the temper. But he was mine.'

I hung my head, shame making my cheeks burn red. I saw the bodies in my mind, and I couldn't help wondering which one the woman's son had been.

'I was angry,' the woman continued ruthlessly. 'More than I've ever been in eighty-four years. I wanted to tear out the hearts of every single sky person in this land.'

Distantly, I remembered that, among the Grounders, only warriors could speak english. And I had no doubt that this woman could still kill me without hesitating, if she wanted to. But for some peculiar reason, I was not afraid.

'What changed?' I asked.

'My anger was misplaced,' she said with a shrug. 'I was glad when the boy, Finn, burned. It was justice. But you…seeing you on that post didn't feel right. I remember that you tried to stop him. You didn't kill my boy. Neither did your people.'

I inhaled sharply, tears brimming on the corner of my eyes.

'Let go of the guilt, child,' the woman said. 'I have.'

A lone tear slid down my cheek as I exhaled shakily. I looked at her eyes, who seemed older than the world itself. And I nodded. She patted my hand, a satisfied smile on her lips. I felt lighter than I had in weeks, my mind clearer.

'Now,' she continued. 'Nyko is not the only healer in Tondc. I am known for my remedies, and I have brought a salve for your wounds. It will ward off infection, and help you heal faster. Here.'

She handed me the bowl, and I thanked her profusely. She patted my hand once more, and stood back up. Then, she walked away. I kept staring at her retreating figure for some time, until my attention was caught by Raven, sitting down next to me.

'I shouldn't have said those things to you,' she whispered, as if afraid someone might hear her. 'The massacre…it wasn't your fault. I was lashing out.'

'I know,' I smiled. 'I said some things I regret too.'

She squeezed my hand tightly.

'I missed having you by my side, Y/N. And now that F-Finn's gone, I can't bear to lose anyone else.'

My heart breaking a little, I pulled her against me and leaned my forehead against me.

'You never lost me, Reyes. Got that?'

She nodded tearfully, and put her head on my shoulder. And, as we waited together for Gustus to die, I realized that I didn't feel guilty any longer. I had the forgiveness of the two people I'd hurt the most: the old woman, and Raven. Now, I could forgive myself.

Night had fallen on the village of Tondc. Raven was working on the radio, and Clarke stood to the side, talking quietly with Lexa. The rest of our group was resting around a fire.

I couldn't relax. I wished we'd packed our bags, and camped on the road. Not in this place, where I could still smell burnt flesh, and rivers of blood. But it would have been unrespectful to refuse the hospitality, however reluctant, of the people of Tondc.

'How did you know it was Gustus?' Lincoln was asking Bellamy.

'He'd do anything for her,' Bellamy answered with a sad smile. 'To protect her. Just makes sense.'

'Look at the thanks he got,' Octavia said.

I rubbed the wound on my thigh, sighing. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to hate Gustus. Despite the wrongness of his actions…all he'd wanted was to keep Lexa safe.

I was pulled away from my thoughts by Raven calling our names urgently. She limped over, carrying the radio. Clarke joined us as we all stood up.

'What is it?' Bellamy asked.

'Listen to this.'

I gasped. Jasper's voice was coming from the radio, as clear as day.

'This is Jasper Jordan,' he was saying. 'We need help. 47 of us are trapped inside Mount Weather.'

'Talk to him, say something!' Clarke gasped.

'It's repeating,' Raven shook her head. 'My god, they're alive!'

Raven took my hand, squeezing it tightly. But our relief was short-lived.

'We need to do this now,' Bellamy said firmly. 'You've got the alliance, now is the time to use it.'

'First, we need an inside man,' Clarke answered, before looking at Bellamy. 'You were right. Without someone on the inside to lower their defenses, turn off the acid fog, an army is useless. You should go.'

My heart stopped, and my blood turned to ice in my veins, as suddenly as if I'd flipped a switch.

'What?' I said, but I was ignored.

'I thought you hated that plan,' Bellamy told Clarke. 'That I would get myself killed.'

'I was being weak,' Clarke answered, her face blank of any emotion. 'It's worth the risk.'

Like hell it is, I thought.

She handed him her map of Mount Weather, and told him to find a way to get on the radio, and communicate with us. She then wished him luck, and turned on her feet, going back to Lexa. Just like that. As if she wasn't sending Bellamy to his death.

I was furious, incapable of speech as Lincoln offered to lead Bellamy through the tunnels.

'Let me show you what to look for,' Raven said.

'No,' I snapped.

Bellamy turned to me, and I immediately ripped the map off his hands. I wanted to tear it to shreds, but I managed to control myself.

'Y/N-' Bellamy began.

'I said no. This is a suicide mission. We'll find another way.'

Out the corner of my eye, I saw the others slip away, until only Bellamy and I stood next to the fire. I barely noticed. I was staring at the flames, shaking with tension.

'I have to do this,' Bellamy said softly. His hand was hovering near my arm, as if unsure whether or not he could touch me.

'Find someone else,' I argued, painfully aware that I sounded like a toddler having a tantrum. 'Hell, I'll go.'

'You can't. You're hurt, and the people back at camp need you to hunt. Come on, Sunshine.'

I closed my eyes, my heart thudding in my chest like a hammer planting nails in my ribs.

'Don't call me that,' I whispered. 'Not after…don't call me that.'

Memories of our night together flashed before my eyes. Golden skin under my nails, dark hair between my fingers, teeth clashing against my own. How could something so good turn to something so painful?

'I'm sorry,' Bellamy whispered.

'What for?' I asked, my voice breaking. 'Sleeping with me or making me feel like an idiot?'

'I didn't want to hurt you.'

I laughed, the sound colder than ice.

'But you did. Christ, Bellamy. I was…I was baring my soul to you. And I know that's corny as hell, but it's true. You saw everything that night, and you accepted it all, and God, it was wonderful. But you left. You threw everything I felt in my face, like it was garbage. Do you know how that felt? Next time, try stabbing me, it'll be less painful.'

Bellamy's eyes were closed, his breathed ragged. I tried to turn away, but his hand shot up, grabbing my wrist tightly.

'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I panicked.'

I scoffed.

'You panicked? What kind of an excuse is that?'

'It's not an excuse. But you…you gotta understand. You were a mess, Y/N, and so was I. We didn't think. And it was wrong. You know that.'

I hung my head. He was right. I'd known it from the very moment I'd first kissed him, that it wasn't supposed to happen this way. It wasn't love, it was a reflex born from fear. Having sex with Bellamy, while wonderful, hadn't been right.

'The next day,' Bellamy continued, 'I woke up and you were sleeping in my arms. And Christ, Y/N, you looked beautiful. Soft and vulnerable, like I'd never seen you before. But I- I couldn't help but think that you didn't really want me. That you needed someone, and I was just there at the right time. I felt used.'

'Bell, no-'

'I panicked. I thought, I've got to protect myself before I get hurt. So I pushed you away because I knew you were just looking for a distraction, and I wanted more.'

I couldn't breathe. It felt too good to be true.

'You wanted more?' I repeated, my eyes widening.

'Are you kidding? Of course I did. Y/N, I've been pining after you for weeks.'

I shook my head, relief and joy making me dizzy. Bellamy frowned.

'What's so funny?'

'Blake, you are one goddamn idiot. Do you realize for how long I've wanted to hear that? And you thought I wanted a distraction? Jesus, Bellamy. You think you've been pining? I haven't been able to get you out of my head since the day we landed!'

Bellamy's eyes were half-scared, as hopeful. His hand shook around my wrist.

'You're serious? You're not shitting me?'

I laughed, and looped my arms around his neck. Then, to prove I was saying the truth (and because I really, really wanted to), I pressed a soft kiss against his lips. Bellamy made a broken sound in the back of his throat, and his arms closed around my back.

'About time!' Octavia yelled from the other side of camp. 'I thought I was gonna have to handcuff you two together!'

Bellamy chuckled, his forehead against mine.

'I hate her,' he said.

'Liar.'

'Yeah. I guess she's alright.'

He looked at me, leaning back a little. His eyes had gone serious once again, and I sighed.

'I still have to go to Mount Weather,' he said. 'This doesn't change anything.'

'I know you have to go,' I answered, and those might have been the hardest words I'd ever said. 'But you're wrong. It does change something.'

'Oh yeah?' Bellamy grinned, recognizing the playfulness in my tone. 'What's that?'

'Now,' I grinned, biting the lobe of his ear and whispering into it, 'you have one hell of a reason to come back.'