Author's Note: I know some of my chapters are short, so I will try to post a couple at once.
I also know Russian Tea is only in the afternoon, but if anyone could bully Vitaly Paley into making the Winter Soldier hazelnut meringue kievski at six in the evening, it's Natasha Romanova.
Barnes had to wait until his notice was up, and New York actually went two weeks without getting attacked by mutant armadillos, so the Avengers took a vacation, not in Monaco (Tony), Rio de Janeiro (Bruce), or Budapest (Clint until Natasha put a hand over his mouth, which he licked), but in the Hipster Capital of America: Portland, Oregon. They fit in surprisingly well, between Bruce's yoga pants, Steve's flannels, and Thor's beard.
While Barnes trained the new Legal Secretary, they explored the city, taking turns to choose a destination. They visited record stores (Steve), farmer's markets (Bruce), and doughnut shops with items like the "Old Dirty Bastard" and "Cock-n-Balls" (guess.)
Every evening, they picked Barnes up from the public defender's office took him out for dinner. Fortunately, Portland had a lot of vegan and gluten-free options.
They went to Boke Bowl for its peanut butter and jelly dumplings, Headwaters for its Russian tea, Departure for its rooftop lounge, Kenny & Zuke's Deli for its egg noodle kugel and a "Body by Pastrami" T-shirt for Steve, Escape from New York Pizza for its surprisingly good pie, and Le Pigeon for the chef specialty until Tony found out that was pigeon crudo, which was forty-dollar raw pigeon, which was "what homeless people ate for free," but which Barnes said wasn't that bad "if you were really hungry."
They didn't eat at Le Pigeon. They walked down the street to the Doug Fir Lounge where Tony ordered everyone "Fir Burgers" just because of the name. Afterwards, they went shopping for vintage light fixtures at Hippo Hardware, the decor at the Doug Fir Lounge having finally convinced Tony that mid-century design had its merits. Steve had beamed until Tony bought a disco ball for the Tower.
Steve had still beamed, because he didn't seem to have any other setting now that Barnes was back, which was how Sam ended up buying a new pair of Ray-Bans in the wettest city in America. (Sam new it wasn't really the wettest city in America, but he couldn't find its actual ranking mostly because the Bureau of Environmental Service data management system was called HYDRA and his search set off multiple security alerts.)
Tony insisted on paying for everyone's meal, which was normal for him, but he also made sure Barnes had good sightlines and ordered him desserts without asking.
At first, Sam hadn't been sure how they would get along. When Steve introduced Barnes to the team, he had approached Tony and said something in a voice so low, it was inaudible to anyone without superpowers. Sam only knew it was, "Do what you have to do, but not in front of Steve," because of all the hollering Steve had done.
Tony had said, "What I need is for you to teach Steve how to use a computer, because I'm going to pitch a fit if he asks me how to fax a pizza one more time. Steve, your boyfriend is so much better at the future than you are."
Steve had sighed (but he hadn't said, "Don't call him that").
In the end, Barnes got along with Clint (who understood the mind control), Bruce (who understood having no control), Nat (who understood the brainwashing), Tony (who didn't actually understand the torture but pretended he did since the Ten Rings had forced him to participate in the interrogation equivalent of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge), Thor (who understood not understanding anything), and Steve (who understood him).
It was no goddamn wonder his office had a Lactation and Feelings Room. After two weeks, the Avengers wanted to adopt him.
Barnes had nightmares every night and most days. (He and Steve were nappers; Tony made a lot of old-people jokes, but he also voluntarily turned down Black Sabbath which was a thing that had never happened before). It took them a while to notice that Barnes had nightmares, because Hydra used to punish him for screaming in his sleep.
Napping gave him panic attacks. So did alarm clocks, sirens, small talk, the Max train, trying new things, eye contact with strangers, eye contact, saying "you too" when the waiter told him to enjoy his meal, saying anything, eating in public, being in public, and Mondays.
His confusion over the simplest things seemed a lot less funny than it had with Steve. Barnes had never driven a car, popped bubblewrap, or pretended a tube of wrapping paper was a lightsaber. He had never Googled himself (probably for the best), tried to diagnose himself on WebMD (definitely for the best), lost a remote (at least not a TV remote), started a flame war (they had to explain the difference between a flame war and a firefight), or pulled back the shower curtain when he went to the bathroom just to make sure there were no serial killers hiding behind it (because he was usually the serial killer hiding behind it).
By the end of that game of Never Have I Ever, even Nat had something in her eye.
Two weeks later, they picked up some Dirty Old Bastards for Pepper, took the jet out of long-term parking, and brought one James Buchanan Barnes home.
They threw an impromptu welcome home party at the Avengers Tower. Thor tried to teach them an Asgardian dance that involved a lot of thigh-slapping (not always his own). Clint decimated everyone at Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Tony gave Barnes more presents than he had ever received in his life, all wrapped up in paper with a repeating print of Iron Man ironing the team's costumes, and then started a lightsaber battle with the tubes of wrapping paper.
Barnes sat in the corner, looking at everything with a slightly stunned expression on his face.
Steve sat in the corner, looking at Barnes with a slightly stunned expression on his face.
The next day, Jarvis confessed.