We were scheduled to leave at first light the following morning, so most of the Avengers went to bed early to conserve their energy. I had been unconscious for two days, and had had a nap earlier, so I wasn't quite ready for sleep yet. Instead, I chose to wander around the palace aimlessly, enjoying the architecture and artworks. Walking through the nobles' quarters, I heard movement in one of the bedchambers. I walked up to the door and pressed my ear against it curiously. "No," I heard Loki rumble. I knocked on the door, trying to rouse Loki without waking anyone else. "No," Loki growled again. I sighed and tried the doorknob. It turned and I opened the door, walking over to the bed where a blue-skinned Loki squirmed, frowning in his sleep, obviously distressed. I clicked my tongue, shaking my head.
"Not this again," I sighed. Bracing myself for what I assumed would be a violent reaction, I approached the bed and put my hand on Loki's arm, calling, "Loki!" The reaction was instantaneous and vicious. Loki sat up in a blur of movement with a feral snarl and latched his hand around my throat, squeezing.
I stared into his deep crimson eyes as I scrabbled at his hold on me, my throat aching with pressure and stinging with cold. Loki blinked and let me go with a strangled gasp, flinging himself up from the bed and backing away from me as I coughed, shaking his head with a horrified expression on his face. After I caught my breath, I spoke softly. "Nightmare or memory?"
"Memory… Always memories," Loki breathed shakily, wrapping his arms tightly around his middle.
"Chitauri?" I wondered. Loki nodded, frowning and pushing the heel of his palm against his forehead.
"Chitauri, Jotuns, Asgardians… They're all against me; everyone is," he panted, upset.
"I'm not," I reminded the prince gently, lowering my hand from my throat.
"WELL YOU SHOULD BE!" Loki roared, making me jump in surprise as he glared at me before whirling around and stalking over to the ornate mirror on the wall by the windows.
He stared at his reflection tensely, breathing raggedly. "You should be," he reiterated softly. I pushed myself up from the bed, watching Loki closely. "I'm a monster, a nightmare… a villain…" I stepped up behind Loki and stood on my tiptoes to wrap my arms over his shoulders, meeting his reflected gaze with a small smile.
"I'm not scared of you, Loki," I told him. I turned my face to his and brushed the frosted tear tracks from his cheek with the backs of my fingers. "You look good in blue," I remarked, pecking his cheek. I let him go, backing away casually as his normal, pale colouring spread out from the spot where I'd kissed him. "Goodnight, Princeling. I'll see you in the morning." Loki nodded silently, swallowing, and I left his chambers to go to my own.
The next morning, we all congregated on the front steps of the palace, saddling horses and loading packs of food, water and weaponry. "What happened to your throat?" Tony asked me as he helped me heft my packs up onto my horse, a dark bay named Helfin.
"What?" I wondered, tugging the straps secure and stepping away from the horse, pushing my loose hair out of my face with a sigh. Loki glanced over to us, listening.
"Your throat," Tony repeated impatiently, grabbing my arm and pulling me over to yank down the collar of my uniform. I had exchanged my ruined trousers and boots for Asgardian replacements.
"Hey!" I protested, drawing away from him and holding my hand up to the blotchy red, purple and black skin at my throat.
"That looks like frostbite," Tony stated, turning his narrowed eyes on Loki. "What did you do to her?" he demanded.
Everyone paused, looking at me, Tony and Loki. Loki shook his head wordlessly, brow furrowed somewhere in between anger and guilt. "It was an accident," I told Tony.
"No, an accident would be stepping on your toes. Grabbing you by the throat and squeezing; that's not an accident, Carter," Tony growled, stepping towards Loki aggressively. Clint and Steve moved to join him, obviously ready to take a chunk out of Loki. Loki curled his lip, clenching his fists as green light rippled over his hands. I snarled, springing into place between the Avengers and the prince.
"I said it was an accident!" I barked. "Back off!" The Avengers blinked at me in surprise, and I saw Loki staring at me blankly by my shoulder.
"Ellie… if Loki's done something to you…" Steve faded off uncertainly and I scowled at him.
"You nearly punched me out by accident once, Captain. Hanging out with super-powered beings is always going to be dangerous; I learned that a long time ago. Back off." The Avengers obeyed, stepping away and going about their preparations again. I sighed, rubbing my eyes, and turned to face Loki. "You okay?" I asked.
"You needn't defend me, Carter. I can handle those fools easily enough," Loki huffed haughtily. I raised a brow at him, thinning my lips impatiently.
"Loki, I am in no mood for your blustering." Loki frowned at me and turned back to Sleipnir. "Does Thor know that Sleipnir isn't yours?" I inquired idly, stroking the horse's neck. Loki halted, glaring at me from the corner of his eye.
"No. I haven't told him. It's not his business."
"It wasn't mine either; you didn't have a problem telling me."
"I trust you. I don't trust Thor."
"I do," I said, smiling as Sleipnir lipped at my collar. "You should, too. He loves you. Ah!" I hissed as Sleipnir's whiskery muzzle brushed my frostbitten skin, making it sting sharply. Loki's self-assured, defensive manner fell away and he placed his hand on my back, clenching his jaw anxiously. I shrugged him off and moved away again, saying, "The sooner we get moving, the sooner we can get this nonsense sorted out and go home…"
We were taken via Bifrost to the realm of Jotunheim. I was struck at once by the icy bleakness of the place; looking over to Loki to see what this realm did to him. He remained in his usual form, but there was a tension in him that wasn't even present when he was fighting with the Avengers. Loki caught me looking and narrowed his eyes at me coldly before turning his gaze away. Without a word, we all rode forward, Thor and Loki taking the lead. I fell in just behind Loki, just in front of Steve and Fandral. We rode through towering ice structures towards a cluster of icy spires that rose sharply ahead of us. I bit my lip, shifting uncomfortably as my traumatised calf throbbed painfully with the pressure of riding, but I kept my silence. We arrived at the spires, and I discovered that it was like some sort of hall, Jotuns appearing on either side to watch us as we rode up to the risen platform upon which sat a Frost Giant that I assumed was in charge and halted.
"We are envoys from Asgard here to negotiate peace between our realms," Loki announced softly and calmly, showing absolutely no sign of weakness before the others of his species. I felt a tremendous amount of pride swell in my chest for him; I knew how difficult being in Jotunheim amongst the kin who had abandoned him would be. I nudged Helfin forward so I was positioned at Loki's left side to offer him what emotional support I could, just back from him in submissiveness to his position.
"We know of you, Loki Laufeyson," the Jotun leader rumbled sinisterly. Loki remained unreadable, blinking slowly but otherwise unresponsive. "Do your fellows know the truth of your heritage, False King of Asgard?"
"We are all aware that Loki is a Jotun by birth," Thor declared from his place at Loki's right, a faintly menacing defensiveness underlying his words. Loki cast a warning glance at his brother and Thor bowed his head slightly in deference.
"You have heard it, I am sure; but have you seen his Jotun form?" the Frost Giant's leader wondered, smirking with contemptuous amusement. Loki took a deep breath and the others glanced at each other uneasily, uncertain where this line of questioning was leading. But I knew, and Loki knew, and he did not like it. "Show them, Trickster," the Frost Giant commanded simply. "Show them, or our audience ends now." Loki shook his head slowly, furrowing his brow faintly. "Show them," the Jotun growled insistently, glowering down at Loki.
"Why would you have me change my form?" Loki asked, his tone never altering from the soft, cool address he had started with.
"Because it is one thing for your companions to know of your difference, it is quite another for them to witness it for themselves. You know this, or you would not be so reluctant for them to see you. Show them, and we shall find out just how united Asgard's envoys truly are…"
Loki's composure cracked slightly and his breath quickened as he glanced at Thor, swallowing anxiously. Thor stared back at Loki with a guilty sort of worry and suspicion in his countenance. Loki looked past Thor to Sif, Hogun, Volstagg and Fandral who all met his gaze with curiosity and coldness. "I'm waiting," the Jotun leader snarled lowly and Loki looked up at him, caught between disdain for the being before him and dismay over his own surprising vulnerability. I know that nobody had touched on this nerve of Loki's before; no one had ever asked to see his Frost Giant form… No one except me… I nudged Helfin softly so he stepped towards Sleipnir and my knee bumped against Loki's calf. Loki looked down at me and I stared back into his eyes calmly, silently giving him all my support. Loki sighed, bowing his head towards me and closing his eyes. Colour started seeping out from his eyelids, nostrils and lips, spreading across his face, raising ridges along his skin.
Taking a deep breath, Loki opened his eyes, studying me silently for a moment before turning his face up to the Frost Giant Leader. The Jotun leader sneered down at Loki with a perverse pleasure. "Look at them." Loki obeyed, tilting his chin up defiantly as he turned his face to Sif and the Warriors Three who stared back at him with evident shock. Loki then turned his eyes on Thor who looked back at his brother with a mixture of shock, pity and wonder. Loki flinched slightly at Thor's intense emotional gaze and I subtly brushed my knuckles against his arm soothingly. Loki looked up at the Jotun leader once again, hardening against further injury.
"So, may we negotiate now?" Loki demanded, voice calm as ever. The Frost Giant's leader smiled wider and shook his head.
"No. I don't think so. I think you've wandered into a dangerous situation, Runt. I think we'll remove you from the picture now and save ourselves the hassle when we take Asgard."
Loki's eyes widened and he ducked, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me down over Helfin's neck as the others reacted similarly and I heard the whistling sound of multiple projectiles soaring just over our heads. Once the whistling stopped, Loki released me and threw his hand out towards the Jotun leader. There was a flash of silver and I looked up at the Frost Giant as he stared at Loki. The Jotuns around us all moved to attack swiftly and I turned Helfin quickly to follow along with the others, but not before I caught sight of the blood welling and dripping down the Jotun leader's chest. Everything around me was a flurry of sound and motion and I was swept along, grimacing at the pain in my leg as I struggled to keep pace with the rest of the group. "We need to get out of here!" Thor roared.
"We can't take the Bifrost! Heimdall would never risk the safety of Asgard!" Sif called in response.
"Follow me! I know a way out!" Loki shouted sternly, spurring Sleipnir to the head of the group and arcing our path away. I was glad that Helfin was determined to stay with the herd because I was no longer in control of the horse's movements; it was enough for me to simply remain mounted. Our path wound through many frozen pillars and cliffs until we came to a crack in the ice. Loki urged his mount forward and the two of them disappeared into the shadow. The other horses and riders followed and I flinched as the light flashed around us and I felt the now familiar feeling of leaving my insides behind me as we were transported instantly to another realm. The horses were pulled up and everyone waited tensely to see if we were followed.
When it became apparent that we weren't, everyone started to relax, dismounting and examining our surroundings. "Where are we?" Sam wondered.
"This is the realm of Nornheim," Loki replied coolly, stroking Sleipnir's neck affectionately.
"Is it safe to camp here?" Natasha asked, peering into the strange vegetation around us.
"It is for the moment," Loki confirmed. "We are far from the Nornheim residents, and this area is very secluded. I've been here before many times without any problems arising."
"Ellie, what are you doing?" Steve inquired as I hunched over Helfin's neck. "We're camping here tonight."
"I'm stuck," I whimpered, pushing my fingers against my eyes to chase away the moisture there.
"What's wrong?" Steve demanded in concern, approaching me and my horse quickly, laying his hand on my knee.
"My calf is playing up. Just give me a minute; I'll be able to get down once it stops hurting so much."
"Don't be silly; come here. Let me help you," Steve countered, sliding one arm around my waist. I let myself flop against his shoulder, wincing as he carefully pulled me from the saddle, lowering me to the ground. "Are you all right?" he asked, looking down at me with his arms locked around my back, supporting most of my weight. I nodded, lowering my head and resting my forehead against his chest.
"Not my first war-wound, Cap," I reminded him softly. "Just sit me down and I'll be okay." I hissed as Steve helped me to sit on the ground, stretching out my injured leg. Steve crouched in front of me, watching closely as I pulled off my boot and pushed up my pant leg to reveal the inflamed, weeping tissue of my calf. "Damn; I popped my stitches," I growled impatiently. "Steve, in my pack I've got some bandages. Be a dear and fetch one for me," I requested quietly. Steve nodded and immediately moved to do my bidding. I sighed tiredly, leaning back and tilting my head until I bumped it against something soft. I opened my eyes to find Bucky sitting behind me with his eyes locked on me intently. His non-metal hand rested hesitantly on my shoulder in a gesture of support and I smiled, leaning back against him with a sigh. "Thanks, Bucky. You're a sweetie." Steve returned with the bandages, seeming unsurprised by the way I was leaning on Bucky. "Ta, Mate," I acknowledged, taking the bandages from him and looking down at my leg again with a frown.
"It looks swollen," Bucky commented in his almost-whisper voice, absentmindedly brushing his thumb against my elbow. "You have thin legs."
"I have thin everything, Bucky. That's why people still think that I'm a teenager," I grumbled impatiently. "But you're right; it is swollen."
"What do we do? We don't have any ice," Steve remarked worriedly.
"No, but we have a Frost Giant. Loki!" I called out gently. Loki glanced over to me from where he stood looking out over the cliff edge we were set on and furrowed his brow in concern when he saw me sprawled on the ground between Bucky and Steve. I held out my hand and Loki obeyed my silent request, stalking over to me quickly and taking a knee, grabbing my hand gently. "I need your help," I told him. "I need ice." I nodded at my leg and Loki looked down at it before looking up at me with his lips thinned in displeasure.
"So you need me to be a Frost Giant again," he rumbled, tightening his grip on my hand.
"Only a little bit," I replied sheepishly. "Please, Loki? It really hurts," I pouted. Loki shifted awkwardly, flicking his eyes over my two companions reluctantly. I pulled on Loki's hand so he bent towards me and whispered in his ear. "I let you use me as a human heat-pack; you owe me, Princeling."
"Sometimes I wonder which one of us is the better trickster," Loki sighed so the other two heard, letting his hand turn blue and laying it against my calf softly. I flinched at the contact before sighing in relief as Loki's cool skin started soothing my injury.
"That would be me," I hummed, responding to his earlier comment. "Remember; I manipulate people in a nice way. And for mutual benefit."
"How does this situation benefit me?" Loki challenged. I grinned at him.
"Oh, that's easy. Secretly, you like being the hero. And now you feel better about yourself because you're helping the damsel in distress." Loki stared at me blankly for a moment before flicking his gaze up to Bucky and curling his lip aggressively. I turned my head to see Bucky staring at Loki's blue hand. I sighed, lifting my hand and covering Bucky's eyes. "Don't stare, Buck. It's rude."
"What does that even feel like?" Steve wondered uncomfortably, also staring at Loki's hand.
"Cold. And soft; Loki's got really lovely skin," I told him easily, latching my hand onto Loki's sleeve when he tried to pull away from me. "And it's nicer than ice because it doesn't melt."
"Of all of us, you were the only one who wasn't surprised by Loki's Jotun appearance," Thor commented, making me realise for the first time that everyone's attention was now on me and Loki's blue hand. The colour faded from his skin and Loki wrenched himself away from me forcefully, rising swiftly and gracefully to his feet and staring around at the others in defiance. "You've seen it before; haven't you?" Thor continued, looking from his brother back to me. I nodded, glancing up at Loki quickly, trying to gauge what his reaction might be.
"A couple of times before; yes," I confirmed when Loki remained expressionless. Thor stared at me for a moment before turning his attention to Loki.
"I'm your brother," he said, hurt playing across his features. "Why would you show Ellie and not me?"
"You're not my brother…"
"I am your brother, Loki!" Thor insisted, approaching Loki swiftly and seizing him by the shoulders, searching his eyes. "I never once thought anything else; not even when I found out what you really were. I am your brother, Loki; even if you are no longer mine. You should be able to trust me." Loki blinked at Thor in surprise, lips parted as he shook his head wordlessly.
"Don't be too hard on him, Thor," I advised, making an attempt to stand which ended in failure as my leg gave way before I even got higher than a crouch. I whined with a mixture of pain and frustration and Loki pulled away from Thor, kneeling beside me again and laying his hand over my calf softly, letting the skin turn blue. "To me, Loki was already an alien when we met. It's easier to show how different you are to someone who already knows, I'd imagine."
"When is the first time my brother shared his Jotun form with you, Ellie?" Thor demanded, standing over me.
"Thor, sit down; you're hurting my neck," I huffed. Thor dropped down beside me and Steve and Bucky moved away to give the three of us some degree of privacy. "Are you alright with me talking about this, Loki?" I asked softly, pushing his hair out of his face. Loki bowed his head, thin-lipped and brow furrowed and I continued. "The first time I saw Loki's Jotun form was when he was in the Chitauri dungeon," I told Thor. Thor took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.
"And after that?" he asked hesitantly.
"When we were with the Ides and we didn't have any anaesthetics we could use on Loki, we had to operate on him while he was conscious." Loki's frown deepened as he listened to me, clearly remembering the pain he was put through, and he laid his forehead against my scalp, shifting so he sat behind me with his chest pressed against my scapula. "Then last night, when he did this," I added, tilting my head back so Thor could see the handprint on my throat, "and today. That's all."
Thor nodded thoughtfully, looking at his brother curiously. "So… it shows when you are in pain?" Loki growled, breath tickling my ear, sliding his arm around my waist so his free hand rested against my side.
"Only when it's extreme," I told Thor quietly. "He usually just turns a little grey." Thor nodded, standing with a sigh.
"I'll be watching for that, Brother." Loki said nothing, turning his head to watch as Thor walked away to join the others.
"How is your leg feeling?" Loki asked softly.
"Better now," I smiled, laying my head against Loki's shoulder. Loki shifted so I was sitting in front of him, taking the bandage from my hand and starting to wrap my limb himself. He secured the end and sighed, sitting back and looking down at me.
"Are you all right?" I nodded, pushing myself up slowly and testing my injured leg.
"Yep; I'm fine. Ta, Loki."
"I don't remember you ever being so kind before," Sif remarked. Loki glared at her, standing coolly.
"Of course you don't," he rumbled quietly… Everyone set up what they could for the night. It was cold and I sat by the little fire shivering as Steve rubbed my arm in a vain attempt to warm me up. Suddenly, Steve's arm was withdrawn from around my back and something soft and heavy was draped over my shoulders. I looked up at Loki as he arranged the folds of his cloak around me carefully. "I don't feel the cold," he murmured softly, sitting at my other side and staring into the fire. I smiled, laying my head against his shoulder until he shifted, wrapping his arm around my back so my head was on his chest. I gave Steve a reassuring look as he watched me with Loki intently, taking his hand, and turned my gaze to the fire crackling softly as my eyelids grew heavy and I slowly drifted into sleep.