"But I checked the public defender's security system."

"Yes, sir," said Jarvis. "By asking me."

"Well, fuck a duck," said Tony.

"Tony," said Steve, and Tony put a hundred dollars in the Swear Jar.

Sam raised his hand because: VA. "Question. How'd you send a flash drive?"

"Dum-E," Jarvis said simply. Well, not simply, because he was an artificial intelligence complex enough to go behind his Sys Admin's back and recruit other robots to his cause, which was apparently making a This is Your Life about supersoldiers, but… most things sounded simple when you were used to Tony.

"Sweet tits of Buddha," said Clint. "Did you call in a bomb threat?"

"Tweeted, actually," said Jarvis. "A dummy account is more difficult to trace than a phone call, and I found 140 characters was more than sufficient."

"You just sent the bomb emoji, didn't you?"

"Don't be silly," said Jarvis. "I sent the bomb and the skull."

Tony facepalmed, which looked like it hurt since he'd been running some tests on the gloves when Jarvis called the team meeting.

The one question that no one asked was why Jarvis had done it.

When Tony learned about the Winter Soldier's role in the death of his parents, he hadn't handled it well, and for him, handling something well usually involved alcohol and sound speed barriers. His signature scent had gone from Circus Peanuts and Smirnoff to pretty much just Smirnoff. He continued to rib Steve, but his jokes were all Mark Twain references, which was how Sam knew he was really depressed.

Then he'd offered to help them find Barnes without demanding a tax break, award, or beer, which made Sam think he wanted something else.

Tony picked up a bottle of SMIRNOFF® Pumpkin Spice and picked the SMIRN off the label. He put it back, grabbed the Circus Peanuts and locked himself in his new Feelings Room.

"Sorry, Pepper, Nat, Bucky. If you ever want to lactate you'll have to do it in public like good little social reformers."

"Why did you include m-"

"Don't ask, man."

Tony stuck his head out of the Feelings Room and said, "Jarvis, warn me if you ever become one of those evil AIs that attempts global extinction by crashing Sokovia into the Eastern Hemisphere or anything like that, m'kay?"

"Don't be silly, sir," said Jarvis. "I could have heard you perfectly well from inside the Feelings Room."

Tony went as red as his suit. He looked like he was having an argument with the voices in his head, which usually only happened when he was wearing the suit. He must have lost because he said, "Furiousa?"

Barnes raised an eyebrow, having learned to answer to Furiousa, Edward Elric, Robocop, Luke Skywalker, and gimp.

"Why aren't you going Kill Bill on Hydra?"

Barnes waited for Steve or Jarvis to translate.

"Um, he wants to know why you don't wanna' get revenge," said Steve. He hesitated then added, "I was kind of wondering the same thing. I mean… Why aren't you… mad like me?"

"No one gets mad like you, Stevie," said Barnes, in a voice rusty from disuse and possibly rust (they really didn't know what Hydra had done to him.)

Stevie beamed. "You know what I mean."

Barnes was quiet for a long time (and again, it wasn't that long, but they were used to Tony), before saying, "I'm not going to let them make me anything I don't want to be. Not even mad. If I was mad, there wouldn't be room for anything else. Not like you, with your big head, Stevie."

Stevie beamed again, and Sam put on his Ray-Bans.

"I don't want to get revenge," said Barnes. "I just want to get better."

Steve wrapped Barnes in another one of those ridiculous-bicep-hugs, and Sam gave him a pat on what little was still visible of his back. Natasha was the one who turned it into a group hug. Tony didn't join in, but he did offer them some Circus Peanuts. (Thor did join in.)

That was it. Sam quit. Jarvis was a better therapist than he would ever be.

Whatever.

At least Steve didn't dickpunch Ashton Kutcher.