Loki's cries were loud and guttural as his blood dripped over my hands in spite of my best efforts to stem the flow, pressing with all the strength I could muster against his belly. His fingers dug into my arms and I didn't know if he was trying to hold me to him or push me away. "I told you!" Loki growled, jamming his thumb into my shoulder joint as he gripped me tightly. "The healers couldn't be trusted. I told you!" Pressure built in my eyes but I refused to cry now. Loki screamed, tears streaming down his marble-grey cheeks, and raked his nails down my sleeve, voice subsiding into rough sobs.
"I'm doing my best," I told him lowly, my voice barely more than a whisper.
"No," Loki rumbled breathlessly. "You save your best for your Avengers." I shook my head, not removing my gaze from my bloody hands.
"That's not true."
"Then why are you letting me go?" Loki's grip on me slackened as his eyelids drooped and I shook my head rapidly. "I don't want to die…"
"No, Loki, no! Stay with me! Please stay with me…" Loki's hands fell limp to the ground and his head lolled as his chest stopped fluttering. I stared in shock at the dark face, blank and smooth in death.
"It is better this way." I jumped at the deep voice and turned to face Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three watching grimly. "Loki was never happy here," Thor continued, a tear rolling down his cheek. "He is at peace now."
Liar! Loki's voice hissed in my mind. I didn't want this… You betrayed me, Miss Carter. I trusted you, and you let me go… I shook my head, pushing my ruddy hands against my forehead.
"Bucky!" I looked up quickly and stood, pushing my way out of the clearing that Steve had taken me to and where Loki had found me, looking for help... I came out of the hedges close by to the rainbow bridge and took off at a run, following Steve's distressed calls. "Bucky, stop! Don't do it!"
"I have to, Steve! I'm a monster; I can feel it!" Steve gave a sharp cry and my insides turned to stone.
When I rounded the corner onto the rainbow bridge, I found Steve kneeling on the colourful tiles with his hand clamped to his shoulder as blood poured down his arm while Bucky stood panting on the edge. "Bucky, stop!" I yelped, diving to my knees behind Steve and locking both of my hands over his shoulder. Bucky turned his head to look at me blankly. "Don't you dare," I warned him lowly, shaking my head slowly and keeping my eyes trained on his. "Don't you dare leave us like this, Bucky."
"I'm a monster," Bucky replied quietly, looking away again. "A killer. A Murderer."
"That's Hydra talking, Bucky! Don't listen to them, listen to me! I'm here now, and I promise you that you are no monster!" –Traitor! You love him more than me…- "You're one of my boys! I love you, Bucky! Don't leave me like this!" Bucky shifted a foot slightly towards the edge. –You didn't want me anymore…- "Bucky, please! I need you here! I can't lose you, too!" Steve suddenly slumped against me, hand dropping from his shoulder and eyes falling shut. "No," I whimpered. "Bucky, help me!"
It was dark as I looked around in confusion, leaning against a doorframe and breathing deeply. "Ellie, talk to me." I set my gaze on Loki where he stood before me, holding his hands out in placation to me. "I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong."
"I had a nightmare about you," I said, my voice low and steady, even if my words came a little fast. Loki froze, eyes hardening from concern to something I couldn't place.
"A nightmare," he echoed softly, a bitter undertone to his words.
"You were bleeding and you died, even though I tried to stop it. Thor told me it was better that way, but I knew he was wrong. I could hear your voice in my head, accusing me of letting you go." Loki started moving slowly as I spoke, keeping his eyes on me. "And then Bucky thought he was a monster and wanted to throw himself off the rainbow bridge, and Steve tore his shoulder open trying to stop him, so I was trying to keep Steve from bleeding out at the same time as trying to convince Bucky to stay… And then I woke up and I don't even remember how I got here," I added, looking around and trying to remember going to Loki's chambers. I looked back at Loki sharply. "You're okay, right?" I checked anxiously. Loki smiled quickly.
"I am well enough," he assured me, pulling on the shirt he had collected from the drawers and sliding on a pair of black leather gloves. "You need to go back to sleep, my dear. Come to bed." I nodded, stepping into the room and moving to shut the door. "Leave it open," Loki said, taking my hand and gently pulling me towards the bed.
"Why?"
"Because you are a maiden and I will not allow your reputation to be compromised by vicious tongues, Little Mouse."
"I didn't think of that," I mumbled.
"You are innocent, my dear. I do not have that luxury; my thoughts have been twisted for me since childhood."
"I'm sorry."
"Never be sorry for holding to something that most of us would love to reclaim, Mouse. It is a testament to your fine character."
Loki pulled down the bedcovers, picked me up and set me down, sliding into the bed beside me and pulling up the blankets. He adjusted the pillows and curled an arm around my back as I set my head on his chest, listening to his soft heartbeat and slow breathing. Loki set a cushion by his shoulder above my head to lay his cheek against. "Why did you put gloves on, Loki?" I wondered sleepily.
"Because you have no energy to spare, my dear. I would not take from you."
"Are you hurting? Do you need anything?"
"I need you to stop talking and go to sleep, Carter," Loki sighed impatiently, taking my hand and laying it against his abdomen. "I am exhausted." I smiled at that, settling myself more comfortably and yawning.
"Goodnight, Loki."
"Goodnight, dear Little Mouse."
When I awoke, I could hear Loki's quiet voice in my ear. "…dreamt that I died last night, so she came to make sure I was still alive. She mentioned something about your shoulder as well."
"She worries too much about us." Steve's voice.
"Well, who else is gonna do it?" I slurred, rolling over so my back was against Loki's side with my cheek resting on his arm.
"We can look after ourselves, Miss Carter," Loki pointed out gently, brushing his thumb against my hip. In response, I twisted my arm back and prodded his abdomen, making him flinch away from me slightly, exhaling sharply.
"Sure you can," I drawled sarcastically, still unwilling to open my eyes. I felt Loki's chest vibrate against my back as he growled and winced when his fingers dug into my side. I squirmed away from him and slipped out of the other side of the bed, curling up on the ground with the doona pulled around me.
"Are you okay, Ellie?" Steve asked.
"Yep."
"Are you going to get up off the floor?" Loki inquired.
"Nope." Gentle laughter from Steve.
"I think I'd better take her back to her own room."
"Yes, you better had," Loki agreed with a weary sigh. Arms curled under my body and I was lifted easily into Steve's hold, setting my head on his shoulder as I kept my neat little bundle in the doona. Steve started walking until Loki stayed him.
"Ah! I would like to take my cover back."
"Noooooo," I drawled lazily, feeling Steve shake as he chuckled.
I heard Loki huff impatiently and then the doona was being pulled at. I growled, curling my fists in the blanket and pulling it back towards myself. "Carter, enough of this nonsense!" Loki remonstrated.
"I have to put up with all your nonsense; you can have the blanket back when I wake up!"
"You are awake," Loki pointed out.
"I am dreaming," I responded stubbornly.
"Carter, return my blanket!" Loki demanded, tugging sharply so that Steve stumbled abruptly. There was a moment when I was crushed between the two of them, then I was dropped on my feet as both men cried out in shock. I released my hold on the cover immediately, turning and instantly pushing them apart, standing between them both with a hand on each of their chests, feeling their hearts pounding through their shirts.
"What was that?!" Steve demanded, looking at the red mark slowly darkening on his bare arm.
"Energy suck," I responded simply, examining him closely. "You okay? I know it can be a bit of a shock; do you need to sit down?"
"No, no, just…" Steve looked at Loki in bewilderment where he was kneeling on the end of his bed with his hand pressed against the side of his face. Loki shook his head, glancing at me.
"It is not something I can control, Captain," he said in a cool, clipped tone. I frowned at Loki worriedly and stepped forward to cup his cheek, in spite of his shying away from me. The drain was sudden and painful and I pulled back as if burned, hissing.
"Still so depleted," I remarked concernedly.
Loki took a deep, shuddering breath, keeping his eyes on the blanket at our feet. I picked it up and handed it to him, looking him over sympathetically. "Go back to sleep, Loki. You need it." I took hold of Steve's arm and ushered him from the room, closing the door behind us.
"He's not doing too good, is he?" Steve wondered with a thoughtful frown. I shook my head, looking down sadly.
"No, poor little thing," I murmured gently. I smiled slightly, shaking my head. "Well, when I say 'little'…"
"Yeah, I know," Steve laughed warmly. He sobered, looking at me with concern.
"Loki mentioned you had a nightmare last night. Something about me in it."
"Stress dream, Cap. Nothing more than a momentary lapse of strength," I informed him with a dismissive flick of my hand.
"So momentary that you had to spend the night with Loki to make sure he was still alive?" Steve challenged, crossing his arms.
"I'm fine, Steve. Honestly, this is nothing I can't handle; I promise," I told him with an earnest smile.
"El, you would tell me if you needed help, wouldn't you?"
"I would if you asked; sure," I agreed.
"Do you need help?" I shook my head, stepping forward to hug him. Steve's arms curled around my shoulders gently.
"I don't need any help, Steve. As long as you're recovering well, Bucky's still reasonably convinced that he's not a monster, Loki's resting as he should and Tony's not going into self-destruct, I'm fine."
"Wait, what about Tony?" Steve asked, pushing me back a little to look into my face. I shook my head.
"He reverted back to his drinking days for a while when Pepper got married, but he's been pretty good since then. That's all."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve wondered.
"I told Bruce. He's a doctor. Don't worry, Steve; I know when I'm outmatched. I've got this," I told him with a confident little nod. Steve clicked his tongue, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck shyly.
"You've always been such a help to us, Ellie. I want to be able to help you, too."
"Oh, Sweetie; you already have," I assured him, stepping in to hug him again. I felt his breath in my hair as he curled over me protectively.