Kiss of Death
Chapter 41, Part 42
"Safe"
A/N: Alright, buckle the fuck up, because this is the scene everyone is anticipating. Just a warning though: I AM BAD AT CONFESSION SCENES. So don't expect too much from me. *Hides in fear*
Conan gulped. He had a bunch of roses in his hand, not because it was the standard casanova move, but due to the fact that Ai had given him these flowers the last time he was at the hospital. He figured that the hospital ward will need to brighten up a bit.
He checked his watch, it was 1 past noon - he had overslept. When he had arrived at the Agasa residence that evening after answering all the necessary statements for the agency's records and showered to remove all the dirt and dried blood, he found himself hitting the hay. Darn, he was that exhausted. The whole ordeal with the Black Organisation had him spent.
Nonetheless, he felt that the house was empty, given that both Ai and Agasa were at the hospital. For Agasa's condition, he was still in a state of shock and I just had her operation. He had not heard of the details of the captured Black Organisation members: Gin, Vinsanto, Chianti and many other underlings. Members like Korn did not make it out alive. Vermouth had fled and there were no traces of her, as if she had ceased to exist. Williamine needed to be examined and undergo strict supervision and rehabilitation. As for the others, time was required to judge the suitable punishment for them.
He also remembered to tell the authorities about the bomb that was planted inside Gin, which was connected to the Boss's heart. Though the Boss was swept by the undercurrent, the fact that Gin remains alive meant that the Boss's had a high probability that he too, was alive. The bigger question would be whether to keep the bomb intact inside Gin's head. The bomb is the last clue they had to the Boss and removing it would seem like destroying an evidence. However, keeping it would be unethical and unjust, though Conan could not really care about the bastard - he had hurt Ai.
Then, there was the question of the well-being of the others that had suffered. Jodie was one of those people that came to mind. What's going to happen to her? And what of those that had lost their lives?
There were just too many scraps and soot marked by the chaos. Perhaps he could take it one step at a time, starting with smoothing matters over with Ai.
He smiled at the sight of the strawberry blonde girl. She was awake, her upper body slightly leveraged by the pillows. Aquamarine eyes watched him placed the red roses in the vase.
The air surrounding them was deafening.
His mouth became dry and he forced a cough, "uhh...hey..."
"Good morning, Kudo-kun," she greeted. He took a seat beside her bed.
"How are you? After the operation, I mean," he asked. Goodness! His anxiousness was screaming internally. The fight to stay calm was formidable. He had not seen her in a while (the one where Ai saved him the day before did not count - not on his book, that was too abrupt).
She studied him. There was something... he was not very confident - she noted. He shied away. She said in a dismissive tone, "I'm better now...it doesn't matter. Don't worry so much about it."
He frowned at her nonchalance. "Worry is an understatement. You scared us half to death," he grumbled sternly, "I mean, what were you thinking? You were shot and bleeding... Yet, you still dived into the waters and no- what's more, your blood type is what- as rare as an eclipse on new years!"
She winced at his growing wrath. It was not offensive, but she sensed there was a concern, but she needed to defend her actions, "you were drowning! What was I supposed to do? Sit there and do nothing?"
"Fuck's sake Haibara, you weren't even supposed to be in the raid! If no one had donated blood to you, you could've been done for! And you tell me it doesn't matter?"
"I wanted to see you!"
He halted by her fierce declaration.
She whimpered and tears fell, "I didn't want our last conversation to be that argument...when I saw you fall and you never came up the surface, I knew... you were drowning. When you got held captive, I- I thought I was... I was going crazy with worry. So when I was shot, it did hurt...but it can't compare to the pain it will cause if you just disappear."
She hung her head low. Conan's frown softened.
Well, crap. This is going bad, not what I'd expect. Now, I made her cry. Fuck me. What am I supposed to say now?
"It won't just be me who'll be devastated... a whole lot of them. A lot of people need you, Kudo-kun, whether they admit it or not, you never stopped trying to make things right..."
He lifted her chin up. He gave a heartwarming smile to her and he spoke, "and you don't think... anyone will be devastated if you weren't safe?"
"No one needs someone who is-" she defied, removing herself from his touch, "- nevermind."
"Do you really think that..? Haibara... Listen to me... I don't know what your story really is, though I did find out some facts, of which I'm waiting for you to tell me-"
"Wait, what did you find out about me-" she was slightly distressed.
"Like I said, I'll wait for you to tell me about it one day and even if you do... it won't change what I think about you. When I was in that hell-hole... I was - I thought I was going nuts... even to the point I was seeing things that weren't there. I honestly didn't know how in the world you actually grew up in that kind of environment. And the Boss - he was doing all sorts of shit to drive me into that path. He wanted me to prove that he made the right decision in his life, Haibara. By making sure I became like that. But I didn't..." he said.
He held her hand now. He was not even thinking. No sweet talks, no recital of a speech. He'll do what he'll do best: speak the truth.
"And you know why? You're always here-" he placed her hand on his chest. His hand remained over hers. She could feel the beat of his heart.
Ai felt him breathe and his hold tightened, he muttered, "I thought- I thought... I was in the lair you grew up in, and yet, you try to redeem yourself. Despite what you think, but I do know you're a good person, Haibara. And for me to fall into that other path... it doesn't suit. Because - because"
He closed his eyes. He had to re-composed himself. He was getting incoherent. Noting his uncertainty, Ai used her unoccupied hand to touch his cheek.
He breathed, "because it would mean... I mean, I made the decision. The antidote you gave me - I had it with me. There was a vent that was there, but it was out of reach. If I became Shinichi, I could reach it. When I was in one of those... hallucinations... Shinichi tried to persuade me to drink it, but I defied him. I thought- if I did, then what is going to happen to this life of mine as Conan? I have so much more in this life... it hasn't been easy, but at least- at least... I got to meet you. So, I didn't! I crushed that damn thing on my foot. Told myself I was either escaping there as Conan or rotting there for good. No way that being Kudo Shinichi was going to be an option. Nothing would be the same if I was Shinichi and leaving you as yourself, because I know that you cannot turn back to your old self. I didn't want to leave you..."
Ai had her eye sockets widened, her lips parted in surprise. Was she hearing this right? That Kudo- no, Conan wanted to stay?
"Kudo-kun...you mean..."
"Yes, Haibara. I want to grow up with you."
She was getting sentimental now. He leaned slightly. She did not mirror his action, yet did not move away.
What am I going to do? It's doesn't seem that she's taking the hint, or is she waiting for me? Oh, screw it!
"Kudo-kun?"
"It's Conan, now-"
He immediately lurched forward and claimed her lips.
The kiss took her by surprise but obligingly accepted it. The tears that threatened to fall from her finally fell. Her heart swelled with joy. It was a kiss not by accident or coincidence. She had anticipated for a touch like this from him for so many years... It felt like she was no longer in a hospital. However, she had to know...
Gingerly, she placed a hand on his chest and pulled away.
"I'm sorry, I should not-"
"No, it's fine," she interjected.
"You don't... want this? You're crying-"
"It's not that. I really want this, more than anything... Just that- there are so many things in the past that I haven't told you. What if- I just think it'll be difficult to be with someone as tainted as me," she reasoned, shying away from his prying observation.
"Like I said, I'll be lying if I said I have not discovered something that had happened to you. But I'm going to wait for you to say the truth, one day," he comforted her by touching her shoulder.
He smiled, "everyone gets tainted in some ways when people live. No one is inherently evil or good, just a matter of choice of what we want to be and who we want to treat right - meeting with the Boss taught me that. I myself... made mistakes and mistreated people, just as I was mistreated by others."
"So no, whatever happened to you in the past, it won't change my mind. I still want to grow up with you. I just hope... that you have the courage and trust me enough to tell me the truth one day," he finished and pulled her into an embrace.
She responded, hesitantly.
"Can I...call you Ai, now? I had given thought to it recently..."
They were still embracing. He tightened her arms around her. She had been paranoid about it, but he gave her so much faith.
She snuggled against him and hummed, "ara, so you want to be on a first-name basis so quickly? Then what's next, second base?"
"That is-"
"I'm just kidding. Of course, you can address me by that name, Ku-I mean, Conan-kun-"
"Ai..."
The girl smiled when he said her name. It was like an angel had bestowed a blessing upon her. There was warmth - was this how it was like to be loved and trusted? It was...it felt safe. Ai wished it lasted for a lifetime.
And her instincts tell her not to worry about it.
A/N: Just a few pointers:
1. THIS IS NOT THE FINAL CHAPTER. There's... I think two more chapters? There's still the side characters and loose ends to tie up. I actually kind of forgot which characters I killed off or left injured, been a while since I've written this fic (I'm a horrible writer for that, gosh).The last one will have CoAi scenes, so don't get your panties in a bunch about this chapter not having enough CoAi. Ai hasn't told him about her past yet (even if he already knows).
2. I don't like to say "I love you", for personal reasons. I don't want my confession scene to have "I love you"s. I believe that there are ways to SHOW it rather than to merely SAY it. I wanted to show it by portraying how Ai had saved him from drowning despite being injured. For Conan's case, I placed him into a series of shit fiasco to make him realise what was important and some life lessons (I'm a sadist lmao) and I wanted him to accept Ai for her past (yeah, I hated writing Ai's past in that dark light but I do think accepting someone's darkness is loving them).
3. It was difficult to write this out because I did not want it to be fluffy. Conan and Ai are mentally adults, so fluffy won't suit them. Also, Conan's dense and Ai is emotionally guarded. So I had to write a mini-argument before they smoothen things out.
4. Took me a while to find the right phrase. I don't want a cliche phrase so yearp, I stuck to "I want to grow up with you".