Chapter 3

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It was dark, dark and lonely and he wanted out. Was this death? Did he end up in hell? He must have because a world without Yuri was no heaven. Was the one he cared most for crying? He heard him talking to him. Saying things like, "you can't leave me." And "you have to keep fighting." All he wanted to do was be with him, hold him, take of him and love him forever so why was he trapped in darkness? Hearing more voices he tried to scream to them to wake him, to tell Yuri he would never leave him but he couldn't. In this void there was no voice, no sound, no anything. It was just dark and depressing. He could only hear everything but he couldn't open his eyes. Perhaps this was his fate. He had always been told he was unlovable and maybe this was the result of that. He had finally found something he wanted to hold on to forever but now it was out of reach.

"…Yuri…" Stopping, he realized he heard that. He heard those words he had spoken. Slowing getting a reaction from his body his ears picked up a language he didn't understand. What was going on? Where was he?

"…Yuri…" At the mumbled name he felt his fingers slowly lifting in the air hoping someone would take them. He didn't want to be alone anymore.

"Viktor, can you hear me?" Hearing a broken English Viktor tried to get his mind to open his eyes. Just getting them open he closed them again as the room was too bright. Slowly opening them again he saw the mask on his face, heard the beeping in the room, felt the wires in his hand. What had happened? Last he remembered was being on the ice. And where was Yuri?

"…Yuri…" his mouth was so dry and his mind was spinning. Looking back at the one that had spoken to him he noticed it was a woman in white. Where was his fiancée?

"A nurse is getting him for you. How are you feeling?"

Trying to get his eyes to stay open he kept feeling waves crash over him. When did he get on a boat? Hearing more of the language he didn't understand he closed his eyes again.

Moving a little in the bed, Viktor felt a hand squeeze his before his eyes opened a bit. He felt horrible, as if he was hit by something, and his throat felt dry. Trying to move he realized his whole body felt weak.

"Viktor?" That voice, he knew that voice. That was the one he had been dreaming for in the darkness. Forcing his eyes to focus off of the mask he was wearing and to the voice he saw him and smiled.

"Yuri…"

"Oh my god Viktor! You are awake! Thank god!" Feeling him move closer to hug him he tried to get his arms to hug him back. He missed him more than he could say. There was just no strength in his body to do anything. "They told me they were going to take you out of the coma and then you started saying my name but when I got to the room you were out again."

What was Yuri talking about? What coma? He wished he could ask him. He wanted to kiss him as well. Seeing him pull away he saw his eyes looked tired and puffy. What did he do to the man he loved?

"What…happened?" Doing his best at talking he really needed something for his throat. He needed to be told what was going on though.

"Well…" Watching as the one he loved moved back a bit and rejoin their hands he refused to take his eyes off their face. "We are at a hospital in South Korea. After your short program the other day you…you went into cardiac arrest on the ice. I thought…I was so scared I was going to lose you. Your heart kept stopping and…and…" Witnessing the love of his life start crying he wished he could comfort him. He wanted to wipe away his tears and hold him. Tugging at their still joined hands he noticed Yuri got want he wanted him to do as he moved back to hug him.

"I'm…sorry…" Wondering why his body was still struggling to do something so simple like breathe and speak he was grateful he at least could. Even if it was hushed and breathless. "I love you…never meant to worry you…"

"It's okay…I'm just…I'm just happy you are getting better. I love you so much Viktor."

Not happy with the idea that Yuri had to leave while the nurses came back to check on him he saw he was watching him from the hallway. At least he got to see him again. After being in the darkness for so long he hated to lose him. Being helped to sit up a bit he heard them speaking Korean. He had no idea what they were saying.

"We are going to move you into a room Mr. Nikiforov." Where was he now then? This wasn't some hallway. "The doctor will see you once we do." Nodding at the nurse he saw them speak to Yuri who said something to them before coming back in the room. Asking him to clarify what she said he felt Yuri retake his hand before running his other one through his hair. He felt awful he put him through so much. He never meant for this to happen.

"You are in ICU because of how weak you are. Your heart is very weak right now but you are awake and talking to me and they are talking about moving you so you must be doing better." Reaching for Yuri's face he tried to wipe his tears. He didn't want him to cry anymore over him.

It wasn't that long before someone came to get him and move him to another room. He was alone in this one but he still had so many wires hooked up to him. The only good thing was he still had Yuri beside him and they took the oxygen mask off of him and gave him tubes for his nose instead. Squinting at the poster on the wall he tried to read what it said but the English printing was so small.

"It says this is the heart floor and it has state of the art equipment for monitoring and testing." Nodding, he looked around the room wishing he wasn't here anymore. He had never been a fan of hospitals and being at one in a language he didn't speak wasn't making him happy. Yuri had filled him in on what the doctor's needed to do but how they had to wait until he was stronger. Honestly, this whole thing scared him. He had never had health issues such as this before and to know his heart had been so sick it stopped working upset him greatly. Trying to get his mind off of all the beeping he was hearing and Yuri had gone back to watching their hands, he gave them the best squeeze he could for his attention.

"TV?"

"Hmm? You want it on? Sure Viktor." Looking for the remote he saw Yuri turn it on. He knew he wouldn't understand anything but he was hoping to find something at least that he would be interested in. If he stayed in the silence he would lose his mind. He didn't want to focus on the idea that he could just die at any moment. Having him stop at the channel that was showing the Olympics he saw the women's free skate was just ending. They were doing the medal ceremony.

"This works." He didn't have to know the language to understand what the skaters were doing.

"You want to watch this? Are you sure? I can find something else."

Shaking his head he reached for Yuri's hand so he could put the remote down.

"Yuri…I'm done aren't I?"

"With skating? Probably. I am struggling to understand what they are saying but if your heart is as bad as they say I don't see you going back on the ice." Resting his head back against the pillow he felt the pit of his stomach drop even lower. He didn't want to think he would always be gone from the ice now but the fear was there. If he wasn't lucky he might not be able to teach even the basics at Ice Castle. Knowing this wasn't the time to think about such things he let it go.

During the commercial break he looked over everything he was hooked up to. Trying to get his arms to work with him he really wished it didn't feel like they had weights on them.

"This one is the normal heart monitor. This is the IV that hydrates you, I think this one is giving you baby aspirin. They are really worried about you having a heart attack. Umm…This one is monitoring the pumps of your heart I think they said. No…I can't remember but it was heart related." Yuri pointed out as he saw him looking at all of them.

"What is this one?" Carefully trying to lift one of the ones hooked up to his chest he saw Yuri frown.

"That is sending electric pulses to your heart. You don't have a pacemaker but according to the doctor your heart is having trouble pumping right so when it stops you get a little shock."

"Have I needed it?"

"I…I haven't wanted to ask." Seeing him look down ashamed he reached for Yuri's hand again. "I am surprised they took you out of ICU so quickly after waking you up. I mean I am happy because they wouldn't let me see you but considering everything. I guess they needed the room though."

"I like this floor better anyway." Coughing, he saw Yuri's face pale. Once he could he tried to apologize for worrying him. "My throat is really dry. Talking hurts."

"I will get you water. I'll be right back." Before he could say anything, even not to rush, Yuri was up and out of the room. He felt horribly for worrying him so much. He never wanted to put him through something like this.

Hearing the TV, he put his focus back on that while he waited. Seeing the men's lineup he saw his name was on the bottom and darkened. There was something written next to it which probably said he wasn't competing. This sucked, all that hard work, all those hours wasted. He should have been there too.

"I hate this language barrier. I can't wait to get home." Hearing Yuri come back in the room with a pitcher of water he was handed a cup only to have Yuri help him hold it and drink it because his hands were too weak to hold anything right now. Thanking him for the help he saw him put it down and smile. "No need to thank me. It's what couples do." Taking his hand Viktor stopped and looked back at the TV, he thought he heard his name.

His mouth dropped as he saw the camera panning the crowd. Was that his name he was seeing on banners?

"Everyone has been asking about you."

Watching as the camera showed Yakov on the screen he heard him tell the crowd he was awake and recovering a little more each day. The commenters were translating it but the crowd was cheering. Incredible. Feeling his eyes start to water he felt Yuri lean over to wipe them for him.

"We all love you and want you better Viktor." At Yuri's whispered words he nodded and swore to everyone that supported them that he would. Taking another look at the TV he saw all the Russian flags everyone was holding, it was surreal. He never thought that many people would care if something happened to him.

Watching their friends take to the ice after for their programs, he noticed they were all wearing a ribbon on some part of them, ankle, wrist, Phichit had it around his neck. Asking Yuri about it he saw him smile.

"The guys are wearing it for you. I haven't had a chance to tell them you are awake but they have been here when they didn't have to be at practice. They wanted to do something to show that we all may be on different teams but we are still friends and the skating community is one." Amazing. He never would have expected something like this to ever happen to him. He really had to think of a way to thank them once he was out of here.

Finding it hard to stay awake Viktor felt Yuri squeeze his hand.

"Go sleep Viktor. You need it."

"But…"Who was he kidding, he was so exhausted. "Are you heading back to the hotel soon?"

"I figure I will stay until visiting hours are over." Watching his lover smile Viktor hoped his lips were smiling back. Just shutting his eyes he heard footsteps and his name. Reopening his eyes he saw a doctor come in the room with a nurse who was taking his vitals. Sharing a look with Yuri he saw they shared the same thought, could they all talk with each other?

"Hello Viktor. I am Doctor Kim. I am the head cardiologist here. I am also fluent in English as my mother was born and raised in America before moving back here for school where she met my father. I know the language has been an issue for you so I hope that helps."

"Not for me, my fiancée. I've been asleep for two days." Trying to crack a joke he just saw Yuri give him a look before shaking the doctor's hand.

"Well. I don't know much about your condition yet. I need to run a lot of tests. We know you have an enlarged heart. The fact that you lasted this long with it is amazing. Considering your profession the fact that you didn't have complications before shocks me."

"He did have an issue last year. He saw a doctor for it though, he took a stress test and got a clean bill of health." At Yuri's words Viktor wasn't surprised he brought it up.

"Well. I doubt this wasn't there. It might not have been as bad then but from what I see already this is serious. You are lucky we were able to revive you at all honestly." Feeling Yuri squeeze his hand he tried to reassure him. Yuri went through enough he didn't want to scare him more.

"What happens now?" Really this was all he wanted to know. "Can I go back to Russia?"

"Before I even think of transporting you I want to get an electrocardiogram done. Basically, I am testing the electrical activity of your heart. I also want to schedule you for a echocardiogram. This is a test that allows me to see the four heart chambers. We will start there and see what I can find. Once I have that information we can decide what is best." Nodding, Viktor tried to take it all in. Things were really serious.

Being alone for the night Viktor missed Yuri already. They watched the rest of the men's free skate once the doctor left, Yurio won gold. Not that he was really surprised by that. Placing his hands on his lap he noticed his right hand wasn't wearing his ring. He hadn't taken it off since Yuri gave it to him as a birthday gift. His finger felt so empty without it. Did Yuri have it at least? He understood if he couldn't wear it again he just wanted to make sure it was safe. Looking out the window he turned towards the door as the nurse from earlier came in to do her job.

"Yuri is your fiancée?" At her question he smiled and watched her change his things.

"Yes."

"When is the wedding?"

"April." Stopping, he hoped he would be better by then. He didn't want to have to postpone it until a better date. He didn't deserve Yuri but his love deserved the wedding they had planned.

"He is good man. He has been worried about you since you arrived. Hasn't left the waiting room."

"The best. I am extremely lucky to have him in my life."

Once she finished up he shut his eyes and fell asleep for the night. Tomorrow he was scheduled to start going for testing. He wanted this started so he could go home. Even if he was stuck in the hospital there if they went back Yuri could go home.

In the morning it was then that Viktor realized how much he hated being here. He slept like crap always being poked and prodded. The food wasn't all that great, especially since he was on a weird diet right now, he was hooked up to so many things getting comfortable to sleep was impossible, and he still had no Yuri. Just getting his hands to work and turn the TV on, Viktor heard voices in the hall that he knew. Looking towards the door he saw his love followed by his coach and rink mate.

"You are up. Good morning Viktor." Seeing Yuri's wide smile and less puffy eyes made everything okay though. So long as he was happy he would handle all of this. Doing his best to reach for his hand and give him a kiss he was glad Yuri worked with him to sit on the bed the best he could.

"Good morning love. Morning." Nodding to the other two he saw they both looked relieved to see him. "Congratulations Yurio."

"Yea thanks." Seeing him look away Viktor smiled.

"It's good to see you awake Vitya. How are you feeling?"

"Thank you Yakov. I am sorry I worried everyone so much. If I had known my heart was having issues I wouldn't have pushed myself so hard." Leaning back on the bed he took a deep breath and shut his eyes for a moment. Hearing Yuri ask if he was alright he slowly reopened them and nodded. "I am fine. Just really exhausted. I slept horribly from always being woken up."

"You are healing as well so try not to push yourself. If you need sleep take it." There was the love of his life being considerate as always. Before they could enjoy the company of everyone the doctor came back in and met the two new faces.

"Morning Viktor. If you aren't busy I will do the electrocardiogram. Only takes a few minutes and I can do it right here."

"I'm not going anywhere." Watching Yuri roll his eyes again he saw him smile at least. Besides, it wasn't like he had a choice. "Can Yuri stay for this?" He noticed the other two were going to step outside while it was done just to be out of the way.

"Of course. This isn't a complicated test." Watching as the doctor moved a few cables and cords around a nurse came in to help him. Just what he needed, more things hooked up to his chest. "The last time you had this done was in the ambulance. They were also having trouble keeping it beating, which worries me."

It worried him too. If his heart wasn't beating than he was in serious trouble. He wasn't sure what he could do to correct the problem and he didn't want to spend the rest of his days here. Laying back all the way was uncomfortable bu the doctor told him it wasn't going to take long. Noticing the silence in the room Viktor hoped it was standard practice to stare at the monitor while the test was being done.

"Okay." Having it disconnected the nurse helped move the bed back to a reclined position.

"Is it bad?"

"Viktor…Yuri...right away I noticed you have an irregular heart beat as it is slower than what is normal for an average adult male. This test tells me the strength of the electrical impulses that are generated from the upper right chamber. That showed it was weak as well. I also don't want to alarm you but the way things are right now you are at a very high risk for a heart attack."

"Viktor…"

"So…what happens next?" Hearing Yuri's fears he moved his hand a bit for him to come over and take it. Use it as a reassurance that he was here right now and going to stay that way.

"I want to do the other test today once the room is open and then if my assumption is correct get you scheduled for surgery. I know you want to go back but the way you are now it's too risky. If your valves aren't working right surgery is the only way I can go in and fix it. Something to also think about. Because of the condition of your heart you may need a pacemaker."

Looking down at himself Viktor tried to remember to breath and think that the positive was that he would still be with Yuri. They could still get married, have a peaceful life, maybe even adopt a child or two. But still, a pacemaker. He was an active guy. He took care of himself, he ate right none of this should be happening.

Filling the others in with what the doctor said they all waited for someone to tell him he was being taken to the other test. Neither of them had said anything once he told them.

"Yuri, love. Do you mind getting me more water? I forgot to ask the nurse when she was here."

"Hmmm? Water? Sure. Be right back." Watching him get up, take the pitcher and leave he saw Yurio offer to tag along.

"Vitya."

"There is nothing you can say Yakov to make any of this better. I could have a heart attack at any moment, my heart is barely beating, I feel so weak because it is just working hard enough to keep me alive…" Feeling his eyes water he got his hand up to cover his face. This was why he wanted Yuri to leave a moment. He just needed time to fall apart. In a matter of minutes his whole world crashed down around him. He didn't want Yuri to see him like this. Feeling a hand on his shoulder he tried to pull himself together. Wiping his eyes he took the tissue being offered to him.

"Things seem bad you are looking better than you were."

"Hmm?"

"We saw you in ICU and you looked horrible. Tubes in your mouth, oxygen, wires, monitors. Now you are sitting up, talking, eating. This isn't your best but it's not your worst. You want to marry that boy don't you?"

"Of course I do." It was just, how could he do anything after all of this? Would Yuri live the rest of their days in fear thinking something could happen at any time?

"Get better now so you can have that life. This isn't the time to give up."

Nodding, he tried to look on the bright side, he wasn't dead.

"Can I ask a favor of you Yakov? Can you look after Yuri for me while I am here? Make sure he eats and doesn't stress too much."

"You don't have to worry about that. Yuri is looking out for him."

Looking up at him he saw Yakov smirking. "Well…I am surprised by that." But, Yurio has always cared he just had a poor way of showing it. Speaking of, hearing the two come back in the room he thanked his fiancée and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"You look exhausted. Sleep if you need to."

Shaking his head he just took Yuri's hand and had him sit on the bed with him again.

"Just sit with me a while. I am okay."

Keeping their hands together they all sat around talking before he even realized he shut his eyes.