Chapter 8

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After speaking with his doctor, who was not too happy to see him back so soon, Viktor was allowed to go home. They had to make a stop and pick up a blood pressure machine but it was better than being forced to stay in the hospital again. It was bad enough he spent all night in the ER he didn't want to be stuck in a gown, in a room, for days on end. Keeping Yuri's hand in his own they made their way to the store to get what they needed and headed home. Entering his front door Viktor was greeted by his best friend and asked how he was feeling by his soon-to-be- mother-in-law. It was strange to see her here but considering he wasn't close to his own family at all he really enjoyed her company. He was honored she loved him like her own. Even though he was engaged to her son there was no rule saying she had to treat him like family.

Yawning, Viktor grabbed Yuri and headed to their room for a little early morning nap. He had slept like garbage in the ER and wanted a nice nap so he wouldn't end up back there. Before he could though, Yuri handed him his pills and water to take them with. Doing as he was told he swallowed them and they went to lie down. It sucked that all he wanted to do was nap but he kept telling himself he just underwent major surgery and this was to be expected.

Waking up from his nap he saw Yuri still sleeping soundly. He was probably just as exhausted as he was. Yuri was trying to hide it but it was obvious he was nervous over his health. Kissing his cheek Viktor let him sleep as he got up to make food. Coming into the kitchen he saw Yuri's mother cooking, was she ever not? Asking if she needed help with anything he was told no and to relax. Well, this was boring. He was never a big tv watcher and that was all it seemed he could do. Come to think of it he had a few books he bought way back when that he never got the chance to read. Maybe now would be a good to start them. Going to his book shelf he looked around for the few he put up. He had never been a huge reader simply for the lack of time but he enjoyed it when he got the chance. Finding one of the ones he was looking for he grabbed it and settled on the couch. He hadn't a chance to do something like this in a long time.

Hearing Yuri come out of their room he looked up from his book to smile and wave at him. His fiancée had the cutest bed head.

"What are you doing?" Hearing Yuri ask he lifted his book up for him to see. "Wow. Is that an actual novel?"

"Yes…why?"

"I just never saw you as a reader." Getting a kiss from his love Viktor shrugged.

"I never have time but it was a nice way to spend a day alone." Watching Yuri go ask his mother what she was doing and to tell her again she didn't have to cook every meal, Viktor went back to his book. He wasn't at it long when to put a place marker and closed it. Without the ice would this be his life? Would he be forced to sit home and do nothing all day? That was no life for him. He needed to go out and be active. Sure, he loved a down day just as much as the next person but he didn't want every day to be the same. Feeling the couch shift Viktor saw Yuri come join him on the couch in a huff. Looking at his love with questioning eyes he saw him nod towards his mother.

"Love her to death but she is driving me crazy. She doesn't have to be a maid. It means a lot to me that she wanted to come out for you but I can help around the house."

"Let's eat first and then we can go out, get her a proper bed, and maybe I can convince her to not do so much." Both could smell the late breakfast she made for them before they heard her call to them to come eat. Getting a half smile and a nod from Yuri, Viktor stood up and took his hand so they could go to the kitchen together.

"I really am fine on the couch dear you don't have to spend the money on me."

"Nonsense. I am well enough to go to the store and get something so after this we will. And please mom. I ask that you don't overwork yourself while you are here. I love the visit, it means a lot to both of us but your health is important to." Giving her, his best smile Viktor saw her nod and promise both him and Yuri she would try to be more comforting support.

"I am very happy to see you doing well Viktor."

After they ate they made sure Makkachin was okay and then headed to the store. There was one not too far from their apartment. Forbidden to walk it since it was just far enough than Yuri liked, they took a taxi. Viktor really wanted to stretch his legs but he wasn't going to fight Yuri over it. Perhaps once they were back home they would take a nice walk together. He knew he had to be careful since he was still healing if he got sick he could face major problems but he really wasn't a fan of staying in the house.

Being shot down for the walk Viktor slouched and went back to the couch to mope. Yuri was in the workout room moving some of the equipment so they could put the mattress in it instead of the living room. Being barked out by his best friend Viktor had him come on the couch and snuggle him.

"I know Makkachin you are bored too. I am sorry. But we need to be good. I need to be good."

"I know I'm being a tight ass but I worry about you. Give your body a few days and then we can take that walk okay?" Hearing Yuri come into the living room he saw him lean over the back of the couch.

"Okay. I promise I'll be good and keep my health in check." Shifting his head, Viktor went in to give Yuri a kiss. "I love you Yuri."

"I love you too. Hey. The Championships are starting soon. Did you want to watch that?"

"Sure." Sitting up while Yuri grabbed his mother he got the TV on for them. Snuggling Yuri on one side, and Makkachin on the other Viktor was grateful for the fates that he could be here for his family.

After the men's program Viktor turned it off and stood up. He couldn't watch anymore. He didn't want to be rude to their friends so he watched them but he hated knowing he wasn't there as well. This was his last chance, he had worked so hard to place and for what? Scaring the love of his life half to death, and killing himself in the process.

"Viktor? Everything alright?" At Yuri's words, he looked over at his fiancée and just nodded.

"Yea. Sorry. I'm going to lie down." Tossing the remote on his lover's lap, he went into their room and fell face first on the bed. Screaming from the pain of not thinking he heard Yuri come running in. Trying to get himself to sit up he felt Yuri's hands gently on his shoulders asking what was wrong. Taking his hand when he could he sat back on his knees and tried to catch his breath.

"Sorry to scare you."

"Are you alright? What happened?"

"Wasn't thinking. I'm fine though." Slowly moving to his side of the bed Viktor gently went to sit against the back board. His chest really hurt now.

"Want me to get your pain pills?"

"I'll be okay. Thanks though." Knowing Yuri was watching him, Viktor put a brave face on. This was his own fault. Not saying anything for a while Viktor looked up to see Yuri looking at the ground lost in his own thoughts. Even with his big frames it was easy to see into his eyes.

"Hey Yuri…can I talk to you for a second?" Getting his attention, he saw him quickly come out of his mind and ask what was up.

"Of course."

Seeing him scoot closer, Viktor looked into his eyes. "Do you think we could talk about our wedding?"

"Viktor. You don't need to worry about that. Just get better. Once you are back on your feet we can pick a new date."

"I just…"

"Rest Viktor. I know you hate the idea of doing nothing but please. For me, just focus on yourself for right now.

"Yuri." Taking a good look at the one he loved he could see what his health had done to the other. "Sorry. I am really sorry I let things get this bad. I want to apologize for how worried I made you."

"You don't have to apologize for anything. I know you would have stopped if you knew. I just. The thought of losing you was the worst feeling in the world. I don't know how I would have kept going if I lost you."

"Yuri…"

"You've been with others before you. You know how to just move on and re-date. I don't and after everything I don't think I would ever want to."

"I wouldn't have been able to move on from you. If things had been different. I've been with others before but you are my fiancée for a reason. There is no one else after you."

Meeting each other's eyes Viktor saw Yuri's wavering. Without saying a word Viktor felt the bed shift as Yuri leaned over to kiss him. Putting his arms around him, Viktor brought him closer. He truly loved this man and he knew healing came first but he wanted to be with him forever. He wanted to get their life as one started.

Falling asleep after Yuri left him to rest Viktor's eyes snapped open as his chest was on fire. It felt as if someone was stabbing him repeatedly. He wasn't a huge fan of pain but this was off the charts. Why did his rib cage have to hurt him this much to heal? Why did they have to move his rib cage at all? Trying to get himself to sit up he knew his pills weren't here. When he came home he asked Yuri to just put them away. It never dawned on him that he would need them. He read about the healing process and the doctor told him he would hurt but he figured like a twisted ankle not like a broken leg.

Struggling to get himself out of bed he left the bedroom to see the apartment dark. Of course, he was home alone right now, that was his luck. Well, no matter. He was capable of making it to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and taking his pills. Where was Yuri though? Using the wall for support, he slowly made his way through the living room to the bathroom. Gripping the sink for dear life he opened it to see nothing but the normal medications were there.

*You're kidding me, right? * Double checking he saw it was just bandages and medicine for muscles. Closing the cabinet's door, he sank to the floor unable to deal with standing in this pain. Telling himself it would pass eventually he moved the few inches to the corner of the room and used the linking walls to help him get comfortable. This was awful, his chest felt as if it was on fire. Forcing his body to move his arms, though it wasn't helping the pull of his chest, he got his shirt off to make sure his cut wasn't open. With all this pain, he was ready to see blood pouring from him. Seeing nothing but the bandage he rested his head in the crook of the wall and waited for time to pass. It seemed time was moving in slow motion now.

Believing he was hearing movement in the apartment Viktor tried to get himself to stand. The pain was unbearable though and all he wanted to do was continue to cry. When did his life get like this? Why did the fates hate him so much?

"Viktor!? What the hell happened? Are you alright?" Hearing Yuri's voice as he came into the bathroom he lifted his head to see his fiancée kneeling in front of him.

"I…I...hu…" He could barely get the words out. From the agonizing pain, to all the crying, he could barely function.

"Hold on." Watching Yuri bolt up and quickly leave the room he closed his eyes to hear him say his name a moment later. Feeling something push against his lips he took the medicine he was given and the water. "How long have you been like this? Oh god I feel so awful. I went to take Makkachin out and grab something from the store. I shouldn't have left you alone."

Shaking his head, Viktor didn't want Yuri to feel bad. This wasn't his fault. It was his own. He was the one that got sick, he was the one that had major surgery. Holding his glass in his hands, Viktor saw them shaking.

"Your medication is really strong. Can I help you get back to bed so you can rest easier when it kicks in?"

Not having it in him to move he really didn't care if he stayed where he was forever. Watching as Yuri moved beside him in the small space he felt his lover carefully move him to rest against him. Keeping his head on Yuri's shoulder he let his hand fall on his lap as well. Snuggling his younger companion was all he needed right now. The pain was still as strong as ever as the pain medication slowly entered his blood stream but being besides the one he loved he could manage it a bit better.

Feeling the pain slowly ebb away Viktor fixed his position on the ground.

"Feeling better?"

"I love you."

"I love you too. Can I ask why you took your shirt off?"

"To remind you that you love me."

"…you are high, aren't you?"

"No…" Though he felt light as a feather right now. And his fiancée looked so cute.

"Oh my god you are. They gave you some powerful pain killers. Come on. Let's get you to bed." Watching Yuri carefully get up he reached for him to stay only to be helped to his feet instead.

"Yuri…" Standing up, he stopped where he was. He was not feeling well at all. What was this?

"Viktor? Are you okay?"

"No." Just getting the words out he shifted a bit to throw up in the sink. His stomach was in knots. Feeling a hand on his back he said nothing as he went back to the floor to lay where he was.

"Honey, is everything okay?" Hearing Mrs. Katsuki come to the room Viktor wanted to keel over. He hated having her see him like this.

"The pain medication is affecting him."

What pain medication? He was certain he just threw it all up.

"Can you try to eat something Viktor? The medicine is probably too strong to take on an empty stomach." Knowing she was beside her son, Viktor just buried his face in the tile of the bathroom floor.

"Rest." Forcing the words from his mouth he heard the two say something to themselves before he felt Yuri's hand leave his side.

"I'm going to get your pillow and see if I can't make something easy to eat." Not saying a word back to Yuri, Viktor didn't move. The pain in his chest was feeling better but now the rest of him felt like crap. He would rather be in pain than have Yuri watch him get sick. Having his head gently lifted Viktor felt Yuri put his pillow under it for him.

"Please get me if you need something Viktor, alright? I love you." Being left alone Viktor stayed where he was. What a miserable life.

Waking up to Makkachin's nose Viktor slowly sat up. His stomach was still feeling queasy but he really figured that was from the pain medication. At least the pain in his chest was pretty much gone. Now he just had the leftover feeling of knowing it had been there. Carefully getting up, he left the bathroom to see Yuri coming towards it.

"Oh! You are up. I saw Makkachin go prancing over but I didn't know if you were still napping. How do you feel?"

"I'm getting there. Did you make food?" He hated asking, he shouldn't have to. He should just be able to make his own things.

"Yes! Yes, I did. Go sit." Watching Yuri get excited and head back towards the kitchen Viktor sat at the table. Just getting settled he saw Yuri put a bowl in front of him.

"It's an old Japanese recipe. I know you needed food and with your stomach hurting from the medicine I figured this would be good for you." Grabbing his spoon Viktor took a bit to taste it. Seemed fine so far. His stomach didn't seem to hate it yet either so that was good. Having Yuri sit next to him while he ate he wondered what he had done all day and if he was eating this too. It was delicious. Just talking for a bit made Viktor happy. It made things seem like they had a sense of normalcy again. That was all he wanted.

Finishing up, Viktor went back into their room to lie down again. While he wasn't all that tired sleeping on the bathroom floor wasn't comfortable. Hearing Yuri follow him he heard him ask why he had his shirt off. Right, he did take it off before.

"I was making sure my chest didn't open. Yuri, the pain was so bad I could have sworn to you my chest was ripped open and my heart was exposed."

"I am really sorry I wasn't able to help you sooner. I don't know why it didn't dawn on me to put your pills in the medicine cabinet."

"Don't worry about it, it's fine." Reaching out for Yuri he had him come closer. Feeling him gently sit on his knee he was happy they could do this. These little things were all that truly mattered to him.

Going to bed for the night Viktor made sure he popped a snack in his mouth before he took more pills. He knew the pain medication only worked for no more than six hours and before it got unbearable again he was taking at the first sign of it wearing off. Curling up with Yuri, who didn't want to get too close and hurt him, they fell asleep.

Seeing the lamp go on Yuri's side of the bed, Viktor knew he should have been more careful. He just couldn't help it right now. He didn't know why but he woke up having to throw up. Honestly, he was surprised he didn't wake Yuri up with him trying to get out of bed. Not hearing Yuri say a word he felt him rub his back as he threw up in the garbage can the room held. This was awful. Why was this happening? No matter what though he was not going back to the ER. He wanted one night with no issues. Just one. Carefully laying on his side, close to the edge of his bed in case it hit him again he saw Yuri's hand touch his face.

"Maybe the pills are too strong for you."

"I had no issue at the hospital though."

"This isn't what you were on though. Remember. The doctor told you what he was giving you to take here was different than what you were on."

He didn't remember anything. He was so excited to be going home he didn't hear a word the doctor said. Mumbling that to Yuri he heard him sigh.

"Tomorrow I'll call your doctor. Tell them you are allergic to this one and need something else. They may want to see you though." Getting a kiss on his cheek Viktor moved away. "I know you hate feeling useless but this is my turn to take care of you."

"I don't want to go back. I'll be fine without."

"Don't be stubborn. You were curled up on the bathroom floor in tears because the pain was so bad. You don't have to act so tough around me." Glaring over at Yuri he sat up in bed. He hated that Yuri saw him like that. He knew Yuri loved him and he knew he didn't think he was any less of a man from what he saw but still. No one had ever seen him cry before.

"What is wrong Viktor. Talk to me."

"Nothing." Getting up he went to brush his teeth and deal with this garbage can since he knew Yuri's mother was now sleeping in the guest room. Coming back a little while later he saw Yuri had the lamp on though he was laying back down. Climbing back into bed he went to reach over and turn off the lamp only to have Yuri reach up and deal with it.

"Night Viktor."

"Good night Yuri." Going to kiss his cheek he stopped and just laid down. He knew that tone Yuri used, he was upset with him.

The next morning Viktor sat up to realize Yuri was out of bed already. Staying where he was he tried to think of a way to make it up to him. There wasn't a whole lot he could do though. Maybe he should just apologize for being stubborn.

"Morning mom. No Yuri?" Coming to the kitchen he was surprised to see her alone. Usually Yuri was beside her.

"He took Makkachin out. Hungry?" Seeing breakfast being put on a plate he did the right thing and sat at the table. Maybe he should just push his pride aside and be compliant. Starting to eat he noticed it was just the two of them for a while before Yuri came into the apartment all bundled up.

"Good morning Yuri." Watching him hang up his coat he was tossed a bag as Yuri came in further to see what he could help his mother with.

"What's this?"

"New pills. I called your doctor and told them you were having side effects. They wanted you to stop taking those, obviously, and said they would talk to the doctor when he came in. Surprisingly I didn't wait long to hear he sent a new prescription over for you."

"Thanks Yuri. I do appreciate it." Smiling at his love he saw he got a small smile back. He really messed up. "After breakfast, think we could talk?" Watching him nod they stayed silent about themselves and talked with Mrs. Katsuki.

Cleaning up from breakfast Yuri told his mother to relax and call home figuring they were all missing her. Not being allowed to help, Viktor sat at the table and watched Yuri do the dishes. He already had butterflies in his stomach over what he wanted to tell the other. He wasn't worried he would get upset over it just that he wouldn't see him in the same light anymore.

"Want to go into our room? It's snowing out." Snapping out of his mind at Yuri's question he nodded and followed him into their room after Yuri told his mother if she needed anything where they would be. She seemed happy playing with Makkachin though.

Sitting on the edge of the bed after getting the blind open Viktor felt Yuri sit next to him.

"I feel really bad your mother is still here. There is nothing to do."

"She doesn't mind. She told me she is thinking of flying home at the end of the week though. So long as you stay out of the hospital."

"I'll do my best." Looking at his feet he saw Yuri touch his knee and give it a little squeeze.

"What is it that you wanted to talk to me about? Everything okay?"

"I just…wanted to apologize for how I have been acting. Pushing you away isn't my intention."

"Honestly, I don't like it though I can't say I didn't expect it."

"What?" At Yuri's words and the taking back of his hand Viktor looked up to look at his face.

"I know this isn't what you hoped for. You can't hide yourself from me Viktor. You fear what happens now. This reminds me of me when I when I was hurt. You promised to take care of me, always at my heels wanting to help but neither of us knew what the future held."

"Yuri. I…you are right. I am scared. I want you to live a comfortable life with me. Family around us, and surrounded by our love for each other. And, okay we still have our love but I don't know how I can provide for you, for us, and that future. Not to mention all my life when things happened to me I was alone. Now, now I have you."

"Is that what it was? Viktor. You have no reason to feel ashamed because I had to see you in a different light. Let your vanity go." At the sighed words leaving Yuri's lips Viktor stopped.

"It's not my vanity. It's who I am. You've seen my parents, you know the life I lived. If I showed any sign of weakness I would have…well…it wouldn't have gone well. I know we are together but I still hate having you see that side of me."

"You are human!" Watching Yuri stand Viktor looked down at his feet again. He didn't want to make Yuri upset with him. He shouldn't have tried to explain it. The whole thing was a dumb idea.

"Viktor. Look at me. I of all people get it. I suffered with my mental problems for years. Only Phichit and yourself saw it firsthand. It killed me to let you see that but, you still loved me for it. You still said yes when I asked you to marry me. You parents are asses. I hate saying that but well, it's true. They put you through hell. But you shouldn't let that stop you from coming to me. I love you and being there for you when life happens is all I want."

Reaching out for Yuri he had him come into his arms. He loved this man. He loved him more than words. All he wanted to do was love him and take care of him and be a rock the way he was for him.

"I'm sorry Yuri."

"Stop apologizing. I love you. Just don't forget that."

Settling down, he kept Yuri's hand in his and rubbed the ring Yuri wore. Come to think of it he was really missing his. He noticed in the hospital he didn't have it but was too drugged up to ask about it. Watching Yuri get up before he could mention it he saw him run over to the dresser and come back with something in his hand.

"This is yours. I didn't want to lose it on you but I forgot to give it to you the other day." Being handed his ring he slipped it back on his finger. He felt calmer already.

"Thanks for keeping it safe. Yuri. I know you are going to stick by me just…don't hate me if I don't run to you okay? It's nothing personal. And, bear with me while I try to sort my life out. I knew I was going to retire after this season but having to sucks. I feel like I have no hold on my life anymore. The ice is all I knew. Yuri, when you were hurt I told myself I would work for your parents because I couldn't go back knowing you weren't allowed to. Not that I would have been able to leave you in Hasetsu while I came back here. But, I don't know. I feel like I have no options. I know I could work for them once I become allowed to it's just…I don't know."

Getting hugged by the one he loved Viktor put his arms around him to gently hold him. He knew what this was, he knew Yuri would understand better than anyone else. Viktor had a million thoughts in his mind from being depressed. He needed fresh air and answers and right now he couldn't have either. At least he a man that loved him.