A/N: Prepare yourself for a lot of angst. More answers in this chapter. Shout out to Valerie- Your comments always brighten my day! I am glad you liked the last chapter!
The beat of silence rang like a rattle of a snare drum. Blood was pumping violently through my body. My mind was spinning, trying to make sense of what I had just said, what I had just realized. Nausea built in my stomach and I felt clammy. How could this be true?
"August," his voice whispered almost in a hushed tone of reverence.
My eyes snapped to his face so quickly that I felt like I was falling. His piercing blue eyes linked onto mine, the room suddenly stopped spinning. I realized that my hand had involuntarily reached out towards him. His bare fingertips touched like a whisper against mine. Flash.
"Do you even speak?" her voice squeaked, her head tilted back in interest. Her face caught the light, showing a yellow bruise under her right eye barely hiding the sprinkle of freckles on her cheeks, her dark brown eyes hummed with a fire, a resilience.
I didn't move. I had completed my mission. I didn't need to talk to her. But a small part of me wanted to talk to her. My metal hand clenched and unclenched.
"Ya know, I always thought mimes were creepy. They are like clowns, but worse….Never talking. Always acting. Anyways, can you please answer my question? I demand to know why I am here! This instant!" She stood on wobbly legs, arms crossed, the fire in her eyes blazing. I inwardly smirked.
She stepped towards me, no fear in her eyes. She should be scared. My body stayed in place, my gaze on her small frame. She moved until she was right in front of me. As quick as lightening her hand lunged for my face. Quicker than lightening, my metal hand caught hers. I pressed hard against her fragile fingers. Her expression turned to pain and she tugged away from me, whimpering softly.
I loosened my grip slightly, but pulled her even closer. Her body was rigged against mine, fear finally settling into her, leaning over her I whispered in her ear,
"I'm no mime, little girl. I am the Winter Soldier."
Her eyes flew towards mine, widening. She gulped, but said with a falsely happy tone,
"Well bless your heart, you can speak!"
I slapped his fingers away and turned my gaze towards my own fingertips. What the hell was that? I asked myself. My hands were shaking. This was too much.
"That was one of the few memories I have…. About you… from before," He seemed winded as he shared this information with me, reading my mind. I felt like he had slapped me in the face. So, it was true. He had kidnapped me all of those years ago.
I pushed myself off the bed and gripped the file that was laying on the floor. I quickly scanned the contents, looking for anything to support what I already knew was true. As I reached page 47, I realized that it jumped to page 54. Seven pages were missing. Seven pages, that I knew must be about me. I threw the whole file away from me as if it had burned my skin. Bile rose up my throat. Violent, angry words spit out of my mouth before I could control myself.
"So this whole time! This whole time, you knew! I can't- I can't believe that I let you touch me, let you kiss me! How fucked up is this? No, stay back! I never want you to touch me again. If you touch me again, I will kill you. You took me. You, you monster!" I shoved him back and stood, putting distance between us.
The word monster seemed to echo on and on. Pain flashed in his eyes, but at the moment I didn't care. I was acutely aware of my injured hip aching, but it didn't matter. I had to get away. I had to get away from all of this.
I ripped the door of my room open, it slammed back against the wall. Hot tears ran down my face. I turned out of my room, but immediately bumped into someone's chest. Gloved hands gripped my elbows, I looked up my vision blurred.
"I heard yelling, everything alright?" Steve asked looking down at me with a frown, worry clearly written on his face.
Another epiphany hit me. Steve knew. He had to know. Did… did they all know?
"Get off me!" I jerked myself back, my voice shrill. His eyebrows stitched together, then he looked over my shoulder, probably seeing Bucky behind me. I tried to push past Steve, but he latched on to me again. My fists pounded against him.
"Let go! I swear to God, I-I can't believe… Damnit! How could you?" my voice broke as a sob shook my body. Steve pulled me closer, hugging me to his chest. For a split second, I rested against him. It hurt, my whole soul hurt. Part of me wanted comfort, but the deep sense of betrayal was stronger than that desire. These people, who I considered my friends, my family even, had lied to me, had brought me here knowing more about my past than I did, had pushed me towards the hands of the one who had kidnapped me. I slowly moved my hand towards Steve's bare face. He looked down at me with hurt in his eyes, feeling bad for me.
That pissed me off. He did not get to feel pity for me.
My hand smacked against his face with a thwack. In that one slap, I sent him all of the pain I was feeling, all of the confusion. Steve buckled to his knees, hands running down the length of my body. I pushed him off me and ran. My adrenaline was surging through my veins. I had to get away, injury be damned. Emotion was bubbling up in me, the feeling of exploding overcoming my rational side. My legs pumped and survival mode took over.
Running felt good, moving, making strides. I was sick of being stagnant. I made my way down to the garage. It was time to get the hell out of this place.
Reaching my destination, I saw a black leather jacket hanging on the hooks by the door and some boots. I quickly put the jacket on, grabbed the boots and shoved my feet into them. Both the jacket and the boots were way to big, but I didn't have time to worry about that.
Grabbing a set of keys from the wall, a contemptuous smile stretched across my face. I knew what vehicle I was taking. I straddled the Harley Davidson, the machine coming to life between my legs. If they could steal something from me, I could steal something from them.
As I pulled out of the garage, I knew it would be a matter of minutes before I was followed. But the ache of being betrayed rang in my heart. I felt like the only family I had had since the passing of my real family, had all been a game of make believe. A falsehood. As the wind blew through my hair, I let numbness take over. No more feelings. It was time to go.
"Why has no one gone after her yet? Why did no one tell me the truth? This.. this is disgusting!" Barton's voice rang out in anger. Natasha stepped forward placing a calming hand on his shoulder. He tensed, but didn't pull away.
"Clint, we thought it was best. We thought that letting her discover the truth after getting to know Bucky would be the best choice. Plus, no one knows the whole story, we would've just have been giving her bits and pieces that would create more questions that we don't have answers for."
"You mean, Furry thought it would be best, right? How did you guys think this would go down? Huh? She would find out that Mr. Assassin over there took a year from her life, let men drain the blood from her body, torture her with tests, and she would thank him? Hug him? How could you all do this? You didn't see her when she was rescued. I did. I saw her, broken and frail. I saw her go through depression so dark, that it was dangerous to touch her. She had finally gotten better. And y'all fuck her over like this?"
Guilt flowed through the room along with silence. My body moved forward of its own accord. My mouth opened to speak.
"No! You of all people don't get to talk!" Clint pushed me in the chest. I let him. I deserved it. Steve moved towards us.
"Barton! Bucky wanted to tell her. Bucky hated this as much as you do now. But- Furry- we convinced him that this was the best course of action. We wanted her to see the real Bucky, not just the Winter Soldier."
Barton still glared at me. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.
"You would think after the disaster in Siberia, that it would be obvious that information like this wouldn't be taken well," Stark muttered to himself, arms crossed staring at me with clear disdain.
Turning away from the group, I spoke,"August...she was the first glimpse of humanity I had seen in myself since I had become the Winter Soldier. She let me know that underneath the monster I had become, there was a human. And every time after she had escaped that they tried to erase my memories, I would still remember her eyes, her small hands." My voice shook.
I felt broken. And angry at myself for the weakness I was feeling.
"We can't just leave her out there. Although we have Crossbones, that doesn't mean she is safe," Sam Wilson pointed out rationally.
"I'll go get our little spitfire," Tony raised his hand, standing up straight.
"Oh no fucking way. Two words. Graduation. Incident." Barton barked at him. This set everyone off. Yelling, shoving, cussing. I watched, battling the war within myself.
I didn't want to be that monster. Not to her. I needed answers, I needed to give her the little truths that I knew. I needed her back.
I made a decision and swiftly moved away from the group. They didn't even notice that I had left the room.
It was time. Time to go get my girl.
AN: Well, there you go. Although, I love portraying Bucky as decisive and a force to be reckoned with, I also wanted to show how his guilt affects him. I hope you enjoy, my loves!