1.
Remus just managed to swipe the whiskey glass from Tonks slack hand, just before she was able to put lips to rim. He had opened his bedroom door just in time to see her melancholically lift the glass; to be honest he wasn't sure if he wasn't influenced magically in that moment, as he appeared to reach her far quicker than he expected.
"Arse" she said grumpily.
Remus didn't want to waste perfectly good and expensive firewhiskey, so he just held the glass and the bottle out of the reach of Tonks. "I was soft with you after new year's, we all do things we regret on new year's. But a wedding Tonks, Fleur and Bill's wedding, before the ceremony; absolutely no way."
"I'm not going, so hand me back the whiskey and I won't embarrass anyone" Tonks replied, making a few grabs at Remus' arms. They were too strong so Tonks just thumped him in frustration.
"You are going to this wedding Tonks if I have to tie you up and drag you, if you are as decent a person I know you to be we won't have to resort to that."
"Oh, you can sod off anall" she spat moving to the sofa and petulantly laying there.
Remus was looking rather 'dapper' as the Muggles say. Black on the cotton polyester jacket with golden stripes and gold trim. His tie contrasted with gold as it's base and black stripes. His shirt almost blindingly white.
Tonks did not look so great in fluffy purple pajama bottoms and a white and pink tanktop.
"What are you wearing Nymphadora?" Remus disapprovingly enquired.
"I am wearing what I'm wearing Remus, and don't call me Nymphadora" she sardonically answered.
"Get ready and do it quick. We have half an hour" He said as if the matter was settled.
"Feel free to dress me if you like Remus, I'm not moving from this sofa" Tonks replied.
He came over and sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa. She didn't acknowledge the action at all, she just stared defiantly through the floor. Remus warmly said "don't you at least want to see her. The moments with the people we care about might seem to be easily taken for granted, but in a war we can't afford to let them slip away."
"She's made it perfectly clear what she wants...that being nothing to do with me" she sourly responded.
"Does she? Has she actually said those words to you?"
Tonks frowned "she hasn't spoken to me since the end of term, through letters or in person, actively choosing to ignore me. She doesn't bleeding need to say it."
"We're all going through a lot Nym. Has it occurred to you that there might be a problem, and that's she's too proud to admit it?" Remus suggested.
"A problem? We've shared intimate details with each other, some couples know less about their partners than we do as friends. What can she not confide in me about?"
"She's a complicated girl, the entire trio are complicated people. But think about how far you two were getting, would that girl ever not tell you something if not for a very good reason? I'm not saying that's going to change today, but it might. You've got to at least make the effort, even if she won't"
Tonks didn't respond, didn't even react to signify any evidence of contemplation, but somehow Remus knew she was thinking about it.
Remus sighed "If you want to stay here you can, I'll use the excuse that you're not feeling too well. If you change your mind you know where we'll be. I'm trusting you with the whiskey but I really don't want to see you like this Tonks. Corner her and force the issue if you must, deep down we both know you're going to be there if she is."
With a warm parting Remus was out the door, leaving a very still Tonks staring into nothing.
2.
Hermione was pretty much finished with her outfit. Her beautiful red dress that clung to her body well, she'd certainly get some wolf-whistles today, not that that was the reason for her wearing it.
She had finished dressing herself and applied the correct amount of make-up, thirty minutes later and she still hadn't got the courage to leave. She was twirling her glittery black rose hairpiece whilst she despondently looked at herself in the mirror.
In reality she had been so hollow so far during the time of the holidays. She missed Tonks more than a loss of a limb. All of her own doing. Hermione had been released one day from the hospital wing and because of one heart-wrenching decision she had been miserable ever since.
On that day she, along with Ron, decided they'd go to the ends of earth itself with Harru to find these horcruxes and destroy them. It was a mission that was only for three, and it meant those that they left behind would need protecting. This, begrudgingly, was Hermione's way of protecting Tonks. If Hermione acted as cold and careless as possible with Tonks then no Death Eater would single her out.
Even though they were only friends, and not many people knew too much about this dynamic between them, Hermione was certain that more than a few suspicions of something more was shared out there. Mostly by close friends and trusted elders, but if they could read into them so can people who don't fall under those categories.
Hermione wasn't going to take the chance of Tonks safety being threatened, no matter how much it killed her she had to push Tonks away. She just prayed that if they both survived the war Tonks would realise that and forgive her.
The way Tonks eyes shifted from confused to hurt, to miserable and then to clear anger; it all suggested that her hopes were incredibly fruitless.
Hermione was hurting in double extremes. Sending her parents away with new identities and no memory of their daughter, apparently wasn't enough love to destroy. She had to quite possibly destroy the love Tonks had for her just so she was slightly less in danger.
Hermione hoped she saw her tonight...that one last time.
"Hermione, it's almost time to take our seats, what's taking so long?" Ginny asked with a rap on the door.
Hermione quickly finished fiddling and fastened the black rose into her hair. She responded with "I, er, smudged my eyeliner...had to redo it."
"Use your damn magic girl" the redhead teased "I'll be waiting in the hall."
Hermione listened to her quiet steps getting ever quieter. She looked back into the mirror and sucked in a huge breath. Then she turned round and followed behind the younger girl.
3.
There wasn't much time to introduce herself to the mass numbers in attendance. They were quickly herded to their seats, Hermione's space on the far left; two rows in, two seats to the end. Ron occupied the seat to her left and Harry to the right.
From this angle they couldn't exactly see much. A neck will be sore, highlighted by Hermione breaking up casual conversation to repeatedly achieve a few seconds of monitoring the entrance. Hermione would engage the conversation again with the boys, but she was never really not distracted with anxiously waiting for that beautifully distinctive head of hair to stagger through the tent flap.
Ron picked up on Hermione's anxiety and started joking with Harry about girls fascination with wedding dresses. Hermione would've turned back to him with a jibe of her own, but then she saw Lupin.
Her eyes widened in hope, waiting to see if Tonks would follow close behind him. Lupin was momentarily drawn into a greeting with Dawlish and Kingsley, and the longer that he stood there talking without a certain companion with him, the more Hermione grew uncertain.
His gaze briefly met Hermione's and revealed nothing. No warmth, no coldness, just pure recognition. His gaze broke as quickly as it connected with hers, Hermione didn't know very much more than she had before. But the one thing she did know was that Tonks was running it very close.
Ten minutes passed, almost all the seats were occupied and Bill was whispering into the ears of his father and best man Charlie. Fleur was minutes away from making her entrance, and Tonks still hadn't made hers.
"I wonder where Tonks is?" Harry said from beside her. The audible click of her neck signified Hermione's sharp twist in his direction. "She'll be here." She knew she was only trying to persuade herself of that fact.
"She's gonna miss it. Look Ginny and Gabrielle are coming now." Hermione also saw what Ron was reporting. The bridesmaids were here and in a few moments so would Fleur be with her father in arm.
Hermione's heart withered when she finally conceded that Tonks wasn't coming.
4.
The reception was full of grand celebration, a welcome distraction from the horridness of a wizarding war. Everyone was enjoying themselves as if their lives would never experience this joy again.
Everyone except Hermione.
Hermione found the furthest chair at the furthest table and sat there with an untouched cup of punch in hand. She looked like a Dementor's artwork, completely empty. Her friends grew increasingly worried for her, particularly Ron and Harry (although they had the complete wrong end of the stick for the reason).
Hermione would be approached multiple times. Repeated questions of 'are you alright?' left ignored, offerings of food and other beverages she did not take, casual conversation starters that never got going. Eventually everyone just decided to leave her to her thoughts, praying that she could work through it and start enjoying herself.
Hermione didn't feel bad that she was blatantly ignorant. She didn't feel bad that she was casting a depressive shadow over the celebration. She didn't feel bad that she hadn't congratulated Fleur or Bill on their new marriage. Because she really didn't have any more room for sorrow.
She already felt bad that she hadn't told Tonks of her feelings when she had the chance. She felt bad that she's breaking both their hearts. She felt bad that she had become so cold-hearted in which this war demanded in exchange for a more likely chance of victory. She was sorry for all the sacrifices she had to make. So you'd have to forgive her if she hadn't enough capacity to be sorry about much else.
"I normally wouldn't recommend this but in this case drinking that wouldn't be the worst idea in the world" Lupin spoke as he fell into a chair opposite her. Like those before him he was ignored but because he knew of her distress, and was closest to the person at the centre of her turmoil, he knew he'd eventually break through. "I'm as surprised as you are, I fully believed she'd be here eventually."
Hermione just spun the cup of punch on the table as if hypnotised by it.
Lupun cooly added "if only others knew, what would they be thinking right now? After all you ignore the girl for over a month, and then act like this when she doesn't show. It doesn't look good does it?"
Hermione's fingers crooking on the cup is the only indication that she heard him.
Lupin took on a harsher tone, and not just because it was a different approach. Whilst Tonks was being childish at least she wasn't the one in the wrong, the one that plays with people's feelings. "You know as smart as you are, I've never seen someone act so dim as you. Why is it you that gets to feel sorry for herself? Who's the one who is most hurt by all this? Is it really you?"
Hermione's eyes were beginning to flame. 'Good' Lupin thought 'we're getting somewhere'. "You know exactly where she is, you clearly don't want to be here so why are you? Why am I even here speaking to you?"
Hermione finally spoke, despite how low and quiet it sounded. "I can't...I can't go"
"You can't or you won't?"
Hermione fell back into silence again.
"What is this about? Enlighten me" Lupin enquired. "If you expect me to believe things change just like that then you're fooling the wrong person."
He thought Hermione was going to leave that unanswered but she replied in a similar voice as before "she's safer this way".
Lupin frowned "is anyone safe in this war?"
Hermione looked around, clearly checking to see who may be listening in. Lupin muttered and they were now in a bubble, unable to be heard clearly from the outside.
Hermione realised this and began explaining "if people know that I...I love her, then 'they' will find out. She becomes a target. It has to be this way because...what I'm part of, she can't be."
Lupin raised his eyebrows "so this is something to do with you, Harry and Ron? Dumbledore told me that Harry is our only hope, which must mean he's planning something, and you are a part of it."
Hermione elaborated "I can't put Tonks at risk. I've already sent my parents away for their own safety, and now I'm breaking Tonk's heart because at least then...she has a much better chance of surviving."
"Why do you need to break her heart to do that?"
Hermione swallowed a lump "because I don't want to explain to her I might never see her again."
Lupin finally understood and his sympathetic eyes watched Hermione tear up and fall back into silence. Lupin took her by surprise by requesting "care to dance?"
Hermione became immediately surprised and flabberghasted, she barely had a response on her lips before Lupin was pulling her out of the chair and coaxing her onto the dance floor.
Hermione was soon held quite strongly but gentlemanly, and her awkward stance was that ever more profound. It was a slow song in which Lupin choreographed Hermione into a foxtrot. Hermione was actually surprised by how good a dancer he was.
After a solid few minutes Lupin started to speak "you are a very mature girl Hermione, but you have a very important lesson to learn in order to become a mature woman."
He stopped so Hermione could focus on her footwork as he pivoted round. "Your fear of never seeing Tonks again, it doesn't go away as easily as you push her away. You'll be out on your mission and thinking back on this moment, you will be regretting this far worse than you are now. If you don't see Tonks again, then one of you dies with a love that was never shared. If you both survive she may never forgive you and you lose a love that was never shared. You lose altogether."
Hermione clung on to him and it became more difficult for him to guide her. They stopped in the middle of the dance floor and the dance became a hug. "No matter what you may think otherwise, you are making a huge mistake by not telling her. So tell her before it's too late."
Hermione promised to him from her position on his broad shoulder, chin digging in. She was just about to ask him to accompany her outside to where she could apparate when a probing instinct told her to open her eyes.
She was mighty glad she did. Wearing a black dress and oak brown hair replacing her usual bubblegum, Tonks stood at the entrance of the tent as nervous as hell.
She hadn't found Hermione yet (knowing exactly that that is who she was looking for) so stood there scanning the room. Hermione separated from Lupin, trying to make herself easier to find. Lupin already seemed to notice the change of events without even looking round, he didn't even excuse himself as he disappeared into the crowd.
Tonks found Hermione staring back at her and blushed. Hermione felt so happy to see her but was in so much surprise and nervousness. She wanted to run to her yet stay rooted to the spot. The latter won out.
Tonks broke the staredown first and moved her way around conversing guests, between tables and sashaying around dancing couples. She stopped again three feet away and another mini-staredown began, but Hermione had finally regained her ability to move. In a blur she wrapped her arms around Tonk's neck and clung tight, never wanting to let go.
Tonks embraced her back quickly and burrowed her nose into Hermione's sleak brown hair, a combination of cuteness and a way of hiding her wet eyes. Hermione had no such qualms, allowing her tear trails to smudge her make-up.
Hermione whispered into Tonk's ear "I'm sorry".
Tonks didn't say anything. She just unravelled Hermione's arm from her neck and held her hands. "Would you like a dance?"
Hermione noticed that Tonks instantly began to mentally berate herself for messing up that line, but the fact that it was such a sweet gesture following a typical Tonks comment that warmed her heart so, it only brought an amused and loving smile. Hermione took up a dancing position, her hands at the right places on Tonks body.
This spurred the metamorph on. Considering Tonk's weakness of the clumsy kind, she danced quite elegantly. Hermione felt drunk on happiness as she followed Tonk's lead.
It was unnatural and impossible for Hermione to not get lost in this safe haven, where even time couldn't interfere. It was natural for her hands to circle the nape of Tonks as a slower paced song began. It was natural for her face to be inches from Tonks' own, deliberately keeping the distance and staring meaningfully into eyes staring right back into hers.
Hermione whimpered when the song finished and rested her cheek on the older girl's shoulder. Tonks clutched her back and smiled with her cheek resting on the younger girl's head.
The next song had a punchy rhythm and Hermione felt herself swelling with laughter. Tonks saw the amusement too. She broke the hold and took a step back.
It wasn't THE song, but it sounded just like it but without the lyrics.
Tonks pretended to hold a hat to her chest "Now Miss Hermione maam, will you give me the honour of being your rodeo Romeo?"
Hermione laughed and replied "I would be delighted sir".
4.
Hermione really felt the ache from all the emotional baggage and all the muscles she worked trying to keep up with Tonks on the dance floor. No wonder Tonks used to be an auror, she had a very fit body.
So it wasn't a surprise that she found herself falling asleep on the shoulder of her dance partner, the pair watching the stars on their backs. They were alone and as far from the ongoing party as possible without being too far for people to find them.
Tonks was still very much troubled "were you ever going to tell me?"
This was on the back end of Hermione explaining to Tonks the trio's mission and why she felt she had to push Tonks away in order to save her. Hermione's voice was heavily dosed with guilt. "Not at first, not until Lupin spoke to me earlier. We were, and still are, planning to leave after the wedding."
When Tonks didn't respond Hermione lifted her head from where it rested to meet the older girl's eyes. "Are you angry with me?"
Tonks shook her head "no, I understand completely why you did it. But that doesn't stop me being disappointed."
"I know. I made a big mistake. I was scared and reckless; I just can't bear losing you." Hermione hated how illogical that sounded, it was so not like her. That's what this war has done to her.
Tonks sighed. "If I'd never turned up tonight..."
"I would've apparated to your apartment and bashed your door in. You can thank Lupin later, but there was also no way on this earth that I would be leaving you behind without seeing you one last time" Hermione firmly assured.
Tonks got glassy-eyed, forcing herself to close them with a frown. "I really don't like this. Why can't I come? Why won't you let me help?"
Hermione rested her forehead to Tonk's own "I could not bare to watch you die, and I know it's same for you. It might not seem like it but it's safer with less numbers; makes us harder to be found."
"What about my morph ability? That might come in handy"
"Hardly. They don't care what the extra one looks like, they'll be satisfied with the three. We can't all be the same person, even with Polyjuice we'd have to brew it and consume it at the right time. We won't have easy access to ingredients and it's just too risky in general."
Tonks was silent again before asking softly "where will you go?"
"I can't tell you that. If you don't know and for some horrific reason you get interrogated then they won't get anything no matter what they try" Hermione apologetically explained.
Tonks fear was contagious, especially after responding and breaking another short moment of silence with "why do I feel like I'm saying more than goodbye?"
Hermione nuzzled into Tonk's neck and was too afraid herself to give a determined answer. But as the thought of this moment possibly being their last, there came a bout of courage.
Hermione softly pulled at Tonk's hands until she was sitting up and herself was on her knees. Cupping Tonk's face softly, Hermione ordered "I want to see you."
Tonks understood what she meant, and after ensuring they were still alone she began to morph. Brown became blonde, tea-coloured skin became cream and full hot pink lips became thinner.
Hermione's fingers played on her right cheek. "All of you."
Tonks was more hesitant but did as she was told, bearing her mark for only Hermione to see. The brunette traced it with her forefinger. Tonk's felt halfway between uncomfortable and preparing to swoon.
Then Hermione said "beautiful. Both of you are beautiful."
Tonks didn't have time to contemplate an answer because she was too busy contemplating how soft, warm and addictive Hermione's lips felt on hers, even if it was only brief.
Hermione smiled in satisfaction and simply stated "I'll use that whenever I need a reason to produce a patronus, or to reminisce when I feel at my worst."
Hermione tried to lay her head on Tonks shoulder, but the metamorphs hand prevented her cheek from doing so. Seeing the questioning look Tonks defiantly glared. "No way."
Then it was Hermione on her back with Tonks pinning her with her own body. She added "if this is our last moment together, then I'm not allowing whatever kind of kiss that was as to be our first. I'll give you something to remember."
Then she vigourously showed her what a real kiss was like.
Hermione nearly fainted at the intensity of it. It completely blew her mind. The passion just provided endless gears with each passing moment. The kiss began with tenderness but became ravenous. It wasn't just lip-on-lip or even tongue, it was the entire face at work. Fluttering eyes, rolling jaws, the scraping of teeth, the tilting of necks, the nose bumps. It was like that first time you got drunk but without the bad consequences and regrets, something where you were taken deeper and deeper into something, never wanting to stop.
The liplock with Ron (from what felt like an enternity ago) gave her a small thrill and an ebbing to a curiosity. But this was like comparing chalk to cheese. Hermione didn't even notice her arms enclosed over Tonk's shoulders and her fingers threaded into the light gold locks she found there. She didn't need to think of what she wanted, she was doing what she wanted with Tonks before she realised she was doing it.
Tonks had one hand at Hermione's hip and her other one doing relays on her raised thigh. This kiss wasn't a goodbye kiss, and Hermione supposed that is why it was infinitely better.
The spell was broken when they both heard screams coming from a distance. Both girls untangled and stood up, wands at the ready. As predicted the apparent danger was coming from the tent, and sounds of apparating could be heard.
They made a beeline for the party gone sour, matching each others breakneck speed. Tonks had already concealed her mark and morphed by the time they back on the scene. In no time they had found the opening and stormed in together.
They got separated in the chaos of people trying to find their loved ones, Tonk's first thought was to protect. Ensuring that any injured were being aided and the immediate danger was under control, it was a long while before Tonks found herself looking for the familiar sight of brown hair.
Not finding her, or a sign of the two best friends of hers, Tonks felt her gut drop and her heart spasm.
Hermione was gone.
An.
Hope this was satisfying for you as it was me.
Also I'm sure you've noticed how I variate with the use of Remus Lupin's name. I use Remus in scenes where it's him and Tonks because it's more familiar to them both, and it feels right to use the character's perception rather than the authors. Same reason why it's Lupin when it's Hermione.
There are only two or three chapters to go until this story is done. I desperately needed a little mini-series because 100K epics are exhausting.
See ya'll, and don't forget to boot-scroot on the way out.