Enraptured in Ice Ch. 9
AN: Hey everyone. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Just a heads up, I may be taking a break from fanfiction for a few weeks. I've been busy writing up query letters to agents and I'm hoping to get one of my novels published, as well as working on some new ones. I really appreciate all the feedback I've been getting from you guys, and I actually am in desperate need for some critiques for my new novel in progress: Behemoth, if you guys are interested. Add me on Skype: Kiba Vulpus Elunal or private message me with your email. Sorry again it's been so long. -Kiba
The next morning, Tracer came in to find Mei humming cheerfully to herself as she continued to dust and clean her lab. The oddly cheerful nature she was displaying was a welcomed change of pace, but still it perplexed her. "Good morning, Mei. You seem in good spirits," she noted.
"Hmm? Oh, hello Tracer! I didn't even hear you come in. I was just getting the lab ready so Dan and I could get back to work today. I hate to admit it, but I've been slacking off some lately."
Tracer nodded her head slowly. So that explained her behavior. "I don't mean to rain on your parade, but don't be shocked if Dan doesn't seem too pleased."
"What do you mean?" Mei suddenly asked. "He didn't change his mind did he? Did I do something to upset him?"
Noting the panic in her eyes, Tracer immediately went to calm her down. "No, no. Just...relax, okay? You're going to put more strain on your heart. Mercy apparently left this morning. She told me that Dan may be a bit upset so that I should keep an eye on him. That's actually why I'm here."
"Dr. Ziegler left?" she asked in surprise. "Why would she do that?"
"She feels like Dan is an adult now. Truth be told, she's never been a large fan of Overwatch. I suspect she stayed as long as she did in Gibraltar because she was worried about him. Either way though," she sighed, "just thought I'd let you know."
As she went to leave, Mei called after her. "Wait." When Tracer turned back around, Mei's head was angled towards the floor. "I'm...really sorry about what I said yesterday. I know you aren't friends with Dan out of pity...I just...I don't want you to keep pressuring me into something that I don't want."
Tracer walked back beside her to sit on the counter. "I know," she admitted, "and I forgive you. I didn't behave my best, either. I'm sorry I keep pushing this on you, Mei. I still think you have feelings for Dan, but I promise I'll..." Her words were interrupted when the door opened, revealing the slightly disheveled figure of Dan.
"Good morning," Mei called cheerfully, hoping it would cause him to brighten.
"Morning," he grumbled back. He hadn't slept much last night. Hana kept trying to convince him to talk to her, and even when he did manage to get her off of his back, he still couldn't fall asleep. He just kept wondering if there was a better way for him to have handled the situation yesterday that would have made Mercy stay. Now he hoped that throwing himself into work would get his mind off of everything.
"Well," Tracer coughed, "I should go do...that thing...elsewhere." Swinging off of the table she assuredly pat Dan's shoulder on her way past. At that point, Dan was so out of it, her suspicious excuse didn't even register in his mind.
"So, what first?" he asked, walking to Mei's side.
She frowned, taking in his appearance. Her heart went out to him as she tried to figure out how to snap him out of it. "Well," she replied, stretching her arms in a fake yawn, "I'm still a little sleepy. How about we get some coffee?" Truthfully, she didn't feel like she needed it, but she hoped that it would give Dan a bit more pep.
"Sure," Dan answered, grabbing a scrap piece of paper and clicking the pen. "How would you like it?"
Mei froze. He was just going to run and get her coffee? That wouldn't work. Hesitantly, she said, "I meant more we could get some...together." His head raised slightly to regard her, but still he didn't reply, simply placing the pen on the paper.
"Where did you have in mind?"
"What would you suggest?"
"There's a nice cafe just in town: Sacarello's. I know Winston's isn't exceptionally great, but shouldn't we get back to work? I mean, we've both been away from it for a while and…"
"I don't think the climate will mind. It's been around for billions of years, another hour won't kill it." Her joke made Dan smile slightly, allowing her a slight victory. "Besides, it's been awhile since we've just sat and talked. It'll be nice chatting again."
"I suppose that's true," Dan agreed. With that, the two of them left the base and made their way towards the cafe. After finding a seat and ordering their drinks, the two of them sat in awkward silence.
Mei drummed her fingers on the side of her coffee cup, not sure where to start. She had to admit, this wasn't how she'd hoped it would go. Still, after everything that had happened she felt like she needed to help Dan get back on his feet. "So I heard about Mercy," she started nervously. "I know that must be hard for you. You two were really close, right?"
"Pass," Dan stated.
"You know Dan, if it's hurting you, it may help to talk about it," Mei suggested politely.
"Is that what you do?"
Mei fell silent quickly. He had her there. "All right then, let's talk about something else. How are things going with Hana?"
"Pass," he sighed.
She bit her lip in worried frustration. "Dan, you have to talk about something," she urged. "I know that I'm not great at talking through my feelings, but trust me that's much worse than just letting it go. I'm your friend and I want to help you, but…"
"I don't trust you," he interrupted. "I...I don't really trust anyone. I don't know who to trust anymore, because the only one I felt like I could trust just walked out of my life and told me I'm on my own now."
"You don't trust...me?" she whispered in shock. "Why?"
"You shoved me away for an entire week. I know my confession was sudden, and I expected a rejection, but that doesn't change that you hurt me, Mei. It stung me that you didn't want to spend time with me anymore."
As the waiter set down their cups, Mei tried hard not to let him see the hurt in her eyes by staring down into the dark brown liquid. "I understand Dan, and you're right, I was wrong to push you away. But that doesn't mean you can't trust me...I've always had your best interest at heart."
"Sorry if I find that hard to believe," he chided. "Lately it seems no one has had my best interest at heart except for me. Tracer tried to twist my arm to make me learn to shoot, McCree lied to me about putting stun bullets in my gun, Hana…" his words trailed off. "It's fine," he finally continued. "I get it now. I know what I'm supposed to learn. At the end of the day, I'm the only one who can look out for me. No one else will."
Slowly, Mei's hand reached across the table to come to a rest on Dan's, causing him to look up suddenly. "Dan, that's not true. Everyone is looking out for you. You don't see it, but everyone is worried about you, Dan. We all look out for you. We just want what's best for you."
He tugged his hand away quickly, his eyes flashing with anger as he tried to control himself. "What's best for me? I had to fight against everyone just to save your life. That's right, it wasn't Mercy who performed the operation, it was me. They shoved me into a position where your life hanged on my skill, and you know what happened? Because everyone thought they knew what was best, I choked and you nearly died again. Well, I met someone who taught me more than anyone in Overwatch has since I started here: if I want something done, I have to stop letting other people tell me what to do. If people don't want to listen to me, I have to make them listen, so I did. I went back in there and I took charge of the operation and I saved you when they couldn't. Do you know what I got for it? I got a reaming from my girlfriend, I got scolded by my best friend, and my mentor abandoned me, and they decided to keep it a secret that I helped at all. So tell me again who the hell has my best interest at heart?!"
"I still do," she whispered, but he just rolled his eyes and stood to leave. Her arm shot out and grabbed him, pulling him back to the table to sit down. "Dan, I know I haven't been the most trustworthy person, but I'm trying. None of us are perfect, and even if we're screwing up sometimes, we're trying to help. Honest."
"I don't believe you."
Now Mei was starting to get angry. "For the two weeks you were gone, it was hell," she stated. "I tried to push you away because I thought it'd be easier for you to get a clean break rather than having to see me and remember that rejection every single day. When I saw that news report about you and Hana, I was certain she was manipulating you, so I called you, but you ignored me. I don't blame you for that. If someone refused to speak to me for two weeks and they called me out of the blue, I'd probably assume it was an accident just like you did. When we managed to get ahold of you and I found out you were dating Hana, do you know what happened? Somewhere in my mind, I realized that I messed up. You didn't need space, you needed reassurance and that was on me and I can't take that back." Tears began to form in her eyes now as she leaned over her coffee. "I hurt you, Dan. I know that. I never wanted or meant to hurt you. But I did, and when I realized that, I ran outside and I had a panic attack. I knew you saved me…"
"But…"
"Tracer told me because she was trying to give me advice the same way I'm giving you advice, but I was stupid and I didn't listen to her. I nearly lost her and you as friends and I wish that I could take back everything. I can't speak for the others, but I care Dan. I care so much that I made myself sick and forced you into a spot that only served to hurt you again. This," she indicated the cafe with her finger, "this is me trying to make it right by you, Dan. I didn't ask you back as my assistant for myself, I did it because I appreciate you. I'm doing it because even though I can't take back pushing you away, I'm hoping I can make it better by pulling you back. I asked you to come with me because I wanted to help you. I don't even like coffee that much, but I'm here for you…" she took deep breaths before stopping. "But...maybe I am being selfish, Dan. You have a wonderful heart. You're warm and caring and I can see in your eyes that everything you do you try to do for the good of the world. The last thing I want to see is your heart turn to ice. I'm trying to stop that from happening, but maybe I'm doing it because it's what I want, and not what you want."
"I'm still in love with you," he finally muttered under his breath. "We both know it, and I know I'm risking everything by telling you again, but it's true. I feel torn, confused, betrayed...I'm with Hana and I love her too, but...I don't know what to do. I need someone to tell me what to do and the fact that I need that hurts me to no end. I know everyone in Overwatch sees me as a child. I get it. If I were them, I'd see me as a child too. I don't want to be a child, though. I want to be a member of Overwatch and I want to be respected, not looked after. I have to sort these things out myself, Mei, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but right now I can't afford to let anyone sway me. Not even you."
Silence draped over their conversation, leaving an unsettling discomfort between them. Mei had to admit, even to herself, she wasn't sure what she could do to help Dan anymore. In her heart, she could feel for him, and when he told her he loved her again, it didn't bring back the same panic as it did the first time. Now it brought a feeling of relief that she hadn't expected. Was Tracer right? Did she love Dan? "I understand," she said finally, breaking the silence. A soft smile crept on her lips. "You're right, Dan. You're the one who knows what's best for you, not anyone else. Even still," her smile grew bigger as she reached out to playfully tap his nose with her finger. "I'm here for you Dan. I want to help in whatever way I can, but from now on I'll wait for you to ask for it, okay? Just tell me what I can do for you and it's yours."
"Why are you being like this?" he breathed.
She pondered it for a moment before replying. "Do you know what it's like growing up as a girl in China, Dan?" He shook his head. "Due to overpopulation, the law states that except for in special cases, parents may only have one child. Since a family name is passed down through the male, most girls are killed upon birth. To be honest, I was lucky to even be born. I was a teenager when the Omnec War broke out. I'd already left my home behind because, frankly, it always felt like I was unwanted. Even now, part of me wonders if I'm alive because my family actually wanted me, or if they just couldn't bring themselves to suffocate me in the crib." Running her finger around the rim of the porcelain, she let it sink in for a moment. "Whatever the case, I was given an opportunity Dan, and I wanted to make the best of it. The unexplored life is not worth living, right?"
"Unexamined," he corrected.
"What?"
"The quote. It's Socrates. The unexamined life is not worth living."
Mei turned a bright red as she covered her face with her hands. "My entire life I've been going by a philosophy and I didn't even have it right? I'm such a ditz."
Dan struggled not to laugh. "It doesn't matter, Mei."
"It does!"
"So do you really think that everything you've done up until this point, every achievement you've gained, all no longer means anything because you misquoted a philosopher from the earliest periods of history?"
"I suppose you have a point, but you're distracting me. The point is, I've been exploring my life all over the world. I didn't want to just be a shame in my father's eyes. I wanted to find something really beautiful. I was looking for a really long time. I joined Overwatch because I hoped they'd show me something beautiful. That didn't work so well. I've seen your heart Dan, and I can honestly say it's one of the most beautiful things in the world."
"Now you're just messing with me," he protested.
"I'm not. It's absolutely true. Very few people have a pure heart, Dan. Not wanting to kill, that's a good trait to have. Rest assured, I've never taken joy when I've had to take a life."
A twinge of guilt ran through Dan. He knew well enough that he wasn't pure of heart. If he had been, Hana wouldn't fluster him so much. He wouldn't still be in love with Mei while he was supposed to be in love with his girlfriend. "Look, Mei…"
"I'm serious Dan."
"I know but, I'm not like you think I am, okay? I'm not some miraculous guy who has the best of intentions at all times. I'm not. The thing that caused me the most stress while I was trying to operate, other than having Mercy and Hana breathing down my neck, was that I couldn't stop myself from looking at your breasts."
Mei's cheeks burned a bright red as she unconsciously attempted to cover herself. "Oh...I'm sorry you had to see them," she murmured. "I know it must have bothered you."
"Sorry? Why?"
"Don't play dumb, Dan. If you're going to be forward, be forward. I know I'm fat. Believe me, I try to lose weight, but…"
"Are we really having this conversation?" he asked. "Mei, I don't think you're fat. It had nothing to do with you, okay? It was because of me. I couldn't keep my mind clear. You know, can we just pretend that I didn't say any of this stuff. Just…you'll just have to take my word on that I'm not a pure of heart guy, okay? I'm really not. If anyone is, that's you."
"Have you ever spied on me in the shower?"
"What? WHat kind of question is that?! No, I haven't."
"Have you ever wanted to?"
"Mei, I'm not sure what point you're getting at here."
"My point is Dan, no one's perfect. Everyone has dirty thoughts sometimes. Even me."
"Really?" he asked skeptically.
"Oh yes, very much so. It's perfectly natural. Did your parents not ever have this talk with you?"
"I grew up in a very sheltered family," he explained shyly, scratching his cheek. "Truth be told until recently, I'd never even seen a woman topless before."
"I was your first?" she asked.
"No, second."
Silence spread across the two of them as Mei's eyes opened in realization. "Hana? Already?"
"Is...is it that strange?"
"It's a bit fast in my personal opinion, but you said so yourself, Dan. You're an adult, you're allowed to make your own choices." Mei considered it for a moment before asking, "Do you think it's too fast?"
"I'll admit, it was a little uncomfortable…" he murmured.
"Then tell her," she assured him with a grin. "I may not have had much time for boyfriends, but I can say that if you're in a relationship, you should both be comfortable. If she is moving too fast, ask her to slow it down a bit."
"Won't she be mad?"
"If she really cares, Dan, she'll understand."
"Oh...well thanks," he replied sheepishly. "I'm sorry. We were having a perfectly normal conversation and I made it weird. Your advice helps a lot though, so I appreciate it."
"No problem." Sipping her coffee, Dan seemed much more relaxed than when they'd first come here. Mei was glad she could help. Something in the back of her mind was nagging at her though, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "Anyway Dan, I forgive you for looking at my breasts. You were doing a medical procedure, so it wasn't like you were peeping."
"Oh...thank you."
"Come on. Are you ready to get back to work?"
He thought about it for a moment before asking, "Would you mind if I took just one more day off? I have a lot of stuff I want to sort through if it's all the same."
"Sure, Dan. Take all the time you need."
When they returned to Watchpoint, they parted ways, with Mei heading back to her lab and Dan going to seek out Hana, wherever she was. Checking the barracks to find them empty, he peered around the corner to see that MEKA was parked just outside. Odd considering no one was piloting it. "Hana?" he called out.
"Up here," she shouted back from the roof of the barracks. Dan was surprised. What was she doing up there?
Grabbing hold of the maintenance ladder, he clambered to the top of the building to find her stretched out in the sun, a pair of sunglasses on wearing nothing but a bikini. "Tanning?" he asked.
"It's better than the artificial stuff," she replied before rolling on to her stomach to peer over her glasses at him. "I missed you this morning. Where were you?"
"Grabbing coffee with Mei," he answered, causing her to frown. "What?"
"Nothing," she replied shoving the glasses further on to her face. "If you want to get coffee with another girl instead of your girlfriend, I see no problems with that."
"It's not like that," he protested. "I was just really tired because I couldn't sleep so she wanted to get coffee to help wake me up."
"That's strange, I slept like a baby," she shot back, her words pointed like daggers. "Don't you have work to be doing or something?"
"I asked Mei to give me the day off. I wanted to talk to you."
She scoffed. "You get coffee with another girl and wanted to talk to me? Maybe you should have taken me for coffee then."
He sighed. This was hopeless it was like talking to a brick wall with her. "Hana, I promise you, there is nothing going on between Mei and I. You were asleep, I went to work. We got coffee, that's it."
Hana looked up at him before patting the spot next to her. "If you're going to stay here and make excuses at least lay down so you aren't blocking the sun," she instructed.
He did as she asked, laying down beside her. "Listen, Hana…"
"I'm done discussing it Dan, let it go."
"No, not that. This is important." She turned to regard him, again lowering her shades slightly. "I really like you Hana, I do. But...I f-feel like we're m-m-moving a little f-fast," he stammered nervously.
"Funny you didn't seem to mind the other night," she pointed out. "Where is this coming from?"
"Nowhere, just...I mean, we've only been dating for a few days. Let's just start with handholding and kissing for now."
Hana pondered it for a moment before nodding. "Okay, sure."
"R-really?"
"Sure. I'm not going to rape you, Dan."
"I just figured you'd be mad," he admitted sheepishly.
"Nope. Could you do me a favor though? My back needs more lotion and I can't reach. I will say that is technically one of your boyfriendly duties, you know?"
"Yeah, no problem," he answered, grabbing the bottle. As he turned back around, Hana reached behind her to untie the back of her bikini, shrugging it off her shoulders and waiting for him to turn back around. "Umm...Hana?"
"I don't want to get tan lines," she explained. "Relax, we're not having sex or anything. You're just rubbing it into my back." Glancing at him over her shoulder, she added, "You're not going to say you don't want to touch me at all, are you?"
"N-no, of course not," he replied, putting the oil in his hands. As he began to rub her back she let out a content purr, resting her chin on her arms lazily.
"Your hands are soft," she commented.
"Are they?"
"Mmhm. Would you mind giving me a massage?"
"Oh...sure." He hesitated for a moment, unsure where to start as she slowly kicked her legs. He straddled her back, starting from her shoulders and caressing the muscles of her neck. With the oil already applied, he could feel the smoothness of her glistening skin beneath his fingers. "Like this?"
"Mmmm yes…" she moaned softly. She didn't know who'd planted the ideas in his head about not wanting sex. She was certain before that she had him wrapped around her finger, but Mercy leaving had thrown a slight hitch in the plan. Now, however, she seemed to have another rival to contend with. That was okay. Hana knew exactly which buttons to press and when.
Pressing his thumbs on either side of her spine he would drag his hands up and down her back, using his entire body to push into her muscles to loosen them. Hana had to admit, she was actually impressed by his tenacity. He was a people pleaser, through and through, which meant that as long as he was hers, she was as good as in Overwatch.
Now hovering over her legs, his hands went lower and lower, and she knew it was only time before her moment to strike. She'd wiggle her hips and giggle that he was tickling her, and when he apologized, she'd turn over and give him a kiss. He'd never be able to resist.
Just as they would have reached though, he paused before pulling his hands away from her. "Don't stop," she pleaded cutely, but he just leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
"It's okay, I'm going to let you tan in peace, okay?"
"You...you don't have to…" she murmured, a feeling of dread coming over her. She couldn't believe herself. What was she so scared of? As he stood to leave, she sat up. "Dan?"
"Yes?" he asked, turning around to see that she was topless. He quickly averted his eyes apologetically. "Sorry."
"It's okay," she replied, using one arm to cover herself. "I just wanted to say, I love you."
Dan's heart skipped a beat, his cheeks becoming flushed. "Where is this coming from?"
"I...I don't want you to leave," she whispered shyly. "I like being around you. Please, stay? I'm sorry I pressured into sex, I swear I won't do it again, just...please stay here with me."
He smiled softly, going to lay beside her again. "Okay, I'll stay," he promised. "You don't have to worry about me, Hana. I'm not going to leave you."
She slid closer to him, pressing her lips against his affectionately. What was this feeling she had? She could have just gone with him, she knew, but for some reason it was important to her that he was the one who stayed with her, not the other way around.
When they parted, she wrapped her arms around him, snuggling into his chest and enjoying his touch as he embraced her too. "Hana?"
"Yes?"
"I love you, too."
A wave of heat ran through her body as she froze there. When she'd said it, it had been a bait to try to get him to stay, but his words sounded so genuine. No way, she thought. It's only been two days. He couldn't possibly be in love with me already. Looking up into his eyes, she was stunned to see the honesty in them. Unsure of how to respond, she just tightened her hold on him more, clinging to him in the summer sun.
Mei hummed to herself as she returned to her lab where Tracer was waiting. "How was that thing that you had to do elsewhere?" she teased, causing her to frown.
"Where were you?"
"With Dan. We went to a cafe in town to talk. I think it went well. He really opened up. I even gave him some advice to help his relationship with Hana."
"You...did?" she asked skeptically.
"Yes, why?"
Tracer scratched her head in confusion. "Well, I figured you'd realize that that's a very dangerous and risky move."
"How so?"
"Well...working on my assumption that you do have feelings for Dan…" Just as Mei opened her mouth to protest, Tracer held up her hand. "Skip it. Just hypothetically, you'd be improving his relationship with her. If it strengthens, there's a chance you just shot yourself in the foot. He may lose his feelings for you completely and give them all to her."
Mei was stunned. She hadn't even realized that possibility. She didn't think she was interested in Dan, but she had to admit, even to herself, she secretly enjoyed that he was interested in her. She wasn't subconsciously trying to push Dan away and on to Hana was she? "But...he asked me for advice. I can't just lie to him, can I? Am I supposed to give him bad advice to break them up?...Assuming hypothetically that I have a slight interest in Dan."
"Interesting logic," her friend commented. "But there is another problem with that, moral hang-ups aside. Say you give him bad advice, or even good advice, but it doesn't work. When Hana breaks his heart, and it would be her to do the breaking over Dan, believe me, who do you think he'll blame for it?"
"Me," Mei gasped. "Oh no. So, then...what do I do? Hypothetically speaking."
Tracer grinned. "That one's easy, love. Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Absolutely nothing. You don't bring it up ever again. Just keep your advice and thoughts under your hat and if he asks you for advice, do one of two things. A) Tell him 'Well if I was in her position, I'd like 'what have you'.' or B) Say you're not really sure what to tell him. He'll accept that answer pretty easily. This way, it takes its natural course. I did some checking up on Hana."
Mei raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You looked into Hana?"
"Don't get all tin foil hat on me again," Tracer lectured. "Standard Overwatch procedure is to look into people's history, especially after the whole Blackwatch scandal. Apparently, she really lives up to her nickname. She is definitely something of a diva. She's a world champion gamer and she even streams her battles on Flinch."
"That's interesting, but I fail to see what that has to do with Dan."
"She's a celebrity, Mei," Tracer explained, patting her on the shoulder as she went towards the door. "If she's after our Dan, it can only mean one thing: he has something she wants, and she's willing to use him to get it. Once she does, she'll cut him loose without a second thought. When that happens, you just need to be there to comfort him. Hypothetically speaking."
"Wait," Mei called, causing Tracer to pause. "What if you're wrong and she actually does have feelings for Dan? Then what should I do?"
"Hypothetically speaking?"
"Hypothetically speaking."
"Well, then I guess you'd have to think about whether you believe he'd be happier with you or with her. Then you'd have to think about whether you're the sort of person to care either way. Toodles, love."
As she zipped out the door, Mei stood there completely stunned. Sitting in her chair, she turned back to her desk and stared at the tools that were littered about. Could she really just do nothing? But if Hana broke his heart, Mei knew it would hurt her to watch, too. Her fingers ran over the tools, before finally coming to a stop on the wrench. She knew that she had to come up with something.
To be continued...