Midnight had approached in the Cul-De-Sac. Rolf had been snoozing in his office chair at the time, in an attempt to relax and calm himself ever since the Kanker situation. All was going reasonably well, until a scream startled him as soon as he least expected it.
"ROLF!" shouted Sarah, banging on the boy's office door. Rolf's eyes fluttered open, and he slugged out of his chair to open the door.
"What… now…" Rolf spoke in a meek yet extremely irritated tone, trembling.
"You tell me what happened to Kevin's parents right now!" the ginger girl demanded, clenching Rolf's shirt.
Rolf let out a large sigh. "Rolf told you that they were going through maintenance!" he answered raspily.
"What kind of maintenance? Are there some things you're not telling me? Come on, don't be so vague with me here!" Sarah responded.
"That is none of your business!" yelled the tan man.
"Oh, sure it isn't! Just you wait until I discover ALL OF YOUR SECRETS! From the people you interact with, to your personal beliefs and opinions, to the stupid magazines you read at night!"
"Yeah, like that will ever happen." Rolf slammed the door in Sarah's face, and she stomped away, pouting like a seal. Then the emperor tried to put himself back to rest, but his plan was disrupted by the blaring sound of rave music coming from outside of the castle.
"Ugh…" Rolf groaned. He walked up to his window, and noticed that the rave was being played on a boom box in the middle of the Cul-De-Sac. Most of the kids, Jonny, Jimmy, Sarah, and Double D were all moshing to the music passionately.
"Yep, all the partying in the world, all yours for only twenty-five cents!" exclaimed Double D, raising his hands high up in the air.
"Twenty-five cents my foot! I sell extremely valuable goods for the reasonably cheap price of one single ruby, and NOBODY wants em'! Meanwhile, Double Dork is getting richer by the second off of what, a stupid emerald's worth a party? What a bunch of stupid lame-o's," ranted Kevin, smoking a cigarette, chilling off in a hut he was in, which was chock-full of many drugs. These many drugs consisted of tobacco, wine, beer, marijuana, and cocaine, just to list a few.
"Drugs are bad, Kevin! Everyone knows that!" remarked Jonny. "And partying is good! Good like the things that Nazz sells! That stuff's amazing!"
"Oh, Nazz…" Kevin moaned.
Nazz, also sitting in another hut, filled with trinkets and food, glanced at Kevin with gleaming eyes.
"Kevin, I'd pay my whole supply of rubies for you and your luscious drinks," the blonde woman said.
"R-Really?" Kevin started blushing.
"Yup." Nazz pulled out three rubies from her pocket, gave them to Kevin, and in return was supplied with three bottles of grape wine.
"My favorite!" Nazz started guzzling the concoction, and then continued with, "Say, Kevin, ya wanna come with me and have a little fun?"
"Um… what about your customers?" Kevin brought up.
"They can wait when I'm done dealing with you," the girl retorted. "Do ya wanna play a game of Exploding Kittens while we're at it?"
"Sure!" replied Kevin, and he made his way into Nazz's hut.
Rolf stared in utmost contempt at his people. "Rolf did not take over the Cul-De-Sac for THIS," he murmured, and went back to sleep.
A few minutes earlier, Ed and Eddy had been asleep together in bed. Eddy in particular, had been so heavily into his slumber that he started to have a deep dream, or rather a nightmare. In this very dream, Eddy was standing in the castle's library. He wore a somber look on his face, his eyes were sunken in, and he had a tendency to stare down at the floor like a zombie. Rolf was in front of the pink boy, posing himself as if he was about to block somebody or something, and carrying a silver sword in his right hand.
"Stand back, Ed-boy! Rolf means it, stand back!" Rolf commanded. Eddy didn't listen. He just sauntered even further into Rolf's path.
"I SAID STAND BACK! EDDY!" The navy-haired monarch swung up his sword at his pint-sized victim almost spontaneously.
"Rolf…" Eddy rolled his tongue, spitting his words like a snake. He grabbed Rolf's arm with his left hand and swiped the sword away from him with his right hand. The blade was launched into Rolf's chest, opening up a wound. Blood sprayed from the blue man's gash rapidly, some of it staining his killer. Eddy licked some of the blood off of his hands, kicked Rolf's carcass out of his way, and took note of what Rolf was trying to obstruct him from; a marble wood table with one thick leg supporting a book. Eddy read the book, and what he found was a recipe to send him back to the Cul-De-Sac he had once lived in. The boy took the book to Rolf's kitchen, prepared the portal, and proceeded to go inside of it.
The portal finally transported Eddy to his desired location, the Cul-De-Sac. It looked mainly like what the boy had expected from his former home, flourishing green grass, lots of geometrically aligned brick houses, and oak trees of many warm hues surrounding the area. But, there was one noticeable distinction. The sky was a deadly-colored night, a dusk and murky violet gradient with a tint of vermillion blanketing the ozone.
The strangest part, however, was the kids themselves. They were all bunched in one group, with bitter scowls dominating each of their faces. The children looked as though they had been injured severely, Jimmy had a black eye, Nazz's legs were cut and scarred, and Rolf's neck had a bunch of huge bruises on it, just to name a few examples. Sarah had been dressed in Ed's clothing and was being gripped by the shirt collar by Rolf, who brought up a closed fist at her. Kevin was wearing Double D's attire, and he had been chained to his own bike and stuck inside the trunk of an oak tree. Jonny wore Eddy's clothes, just barely, as they were ripped and torn so much that most of his skin was visible, and his body had been tangled up with thorny vines.
"H-Hello?" stuttered Eddy. Jonny quickly turned his head to Eddy's direction.
"Guys! One of them is back!" Jonny quickly untangled himself from the vines, and rushed up to the pink boy, raising his fist at him.
"Where were you? What have you been doing all these days? Where are Ed and Double D?" the tan boy roared, as Eddy backed away from him timidly.
"Yeah, dork! We literally had to turn against one another just to make up for the fact that you weren't there to torment!" barked Kevin, wrestling his way out of the chains.
"But now that you're back, well, we all know what that means, right?" interrogated Sarah, who had been freed from Rolf's wrath.
"Mm-hm…" went all the other kids in the Cul-De-Sac.
The children were all backing Eddy into a corner, lustful and savage looks forming on their faces as they walked. "Um… guys? What are you doing?" the boy whimpered, shivering in terror.
"Something we should've been doing a long time ago!" Kevin announced. Then the kids latched themselves onto Eddy's body itself like leeches and started punching, kicking, slapping at it, all the while Eddy was screaming and pleading for his life.
Then the boy woke up, in response to a conversation that Kevin and Nazz were having about rubies, drinks, and Exploding Kittens. The rave music at Double D's party also caught Eddy's attention, prompting him to start shaking and fidgeting. He accidentally bumped into Ed a few times as he was shaking. Ed's eyes fluttered open in dismay, and he groaned.
"Do you mind?" The yellow man forcefully thrust his elbow into Eddy's gut area, knocking him off the bed. The jab was actually so powerful that it caused Eddy immense pain during its exertion. Yet deep down inside, the child felt a sense of euphoria within the pain. It was almost like a pleasurable feeling to him! Eddy began to ponder why he felt this unusual sentiment.
He then began to remember his dream, and how much the Cul-De-Sac kids were obsessing over him and his return. The Cul-De-Sac kids… Eddy thought. I wonder what's happening to them in real life… He paused to think more in-depth about the dream. Was it… an allusion to the actual Cul-De-Sac? Are they even okay back there? Eddy began to breathe in more air as he worried about his fellow acquaintances.
WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE? The thought popped into Eddy's head. He looked at his own arms, and he blinked. The boy looked for the needles he had once seen on the bed. After some exploring, Eddy had found a syringe with a violet substance inside of it and walked himself back to his own bed.
Eddy placed the syringe on his own wrist and sliced open the skin on it horizontally. "I'm sorry to ever have grieved you like this… Jonny…" Eddy continued hacking at his wrists to form five more cuts, totaling three cuts on each wrist.
"Kevin, Sarah, Jimmy, Nazz, and Rolf…" Eddy muttered. Then he slit his wrists two more times, one cut for each wrist.
"But I'm sorry to most of all, Ed and Double D…" Eddy burst into tears and started sobbing, wailing so loud and hard that even Double D in the middle of the partying Cul-De-Sac could hear him.
"Was that Eddy? What's happening to him?" Double D gasped urgently. He turned off the boom box as soon as he could.
"I'm sorry, guys, but the party's over! I hope you had a wonderful time!" the scarlet-shirted child choked, as he rushed back into his cell room. Nevertheless, Eddy had just fallen asleep a few seconds afterward due to the substance of the syringe.
"E-E-Eddy?" Double D called softly. He found Eddy's unconscious body on the bed, droopy and limp, and came closer to inspect it.
"Eddy, what happened?" The pale child noticed the scars on both of Eddy's wrists.
"Eddy…" Double D saw that there was a syringe in Eddy's left hand.
"Oh no… this is terrible! I've gotta save Eddy!" he squealed.
"But how…" Double D asked himself. He took the time to think of solutions, all the while remembering a certain event in the Phantom Woods involving Jimmy removing a collar from his neck.
The collar! Indeed! I could place Eddy on a collar and monitor him! The pale kid had an idea burst into his head.
Double D rushed outside of the castle, into the Phantom Woods, near the Kanker Trailer, picked up the dark-purple collar from the ground, and dashed his way back to his cell, hustling at the speed of sound. The kid knew not to put Eddy on the collar so soon, as it would disrupt Eddy's sleeping pattern. And so, Double D waited until daytime arrived.
As soon as the sun rose, Eddy's eyes fluttered open to the sight of a giddy, grinning Double D, with a collar in his hand.
"Augh!" the yellow-shirted boy screeched. "Double D? What are you doing in my bed?"
"Oh, I noticed that you were endangering yourself quite severely. And we can't have you dead when we need someone to help us get out of this dimension, now, can we?" responded the sockhead.
"Uh…" Eddy stammered.
"So that's why I'm gonna put you on this collar. I will use it to keep you in my sights, so nothing bad can happen to you." Double D opened the violet collar, and strapped it onto Eddy's tiny neck.
"I'm kinda scared, Double D…" Eddy bubbled. Double D smacked Eddy across the face with his left hand.
"Listen, Eddy! You cannot die here! This is for your own safety! Please learn to be appreciative of what I am doing for you!" Double D explained bluntly.
Meanwhile, Rolf was still in the office, thinking to himself. "What a rotten night…" he said, his hand clenching. "Kankers… rave parties… Rolf wishes he wasn't there…"
"Wasn't there…" Rolf paused. "That's it! Rolf shall seek refuge away from the Kankers, so that they cannot steal from him again! What a brilliant idea!"
"BOY-JIMMY!" Rolf yelled.
"Yes?" Jimmy said, opening the door.
"Pack your bags, Jimmy-boy. We are leaving for the Phantom Woods." Rolf ran out of the door and into the kitchen, Jimmy following along with him.
"What's the hurry?" the pale child asked. Rolf gave the boy a scornful glare.
"Are you MAD? Are you kidding Rolf? Are you such a dim-witted simpleton that you fail to comprehend the significance of the ruling of this Cul-De-Sac?" the azure-haired emperor bellowed.
"Well, geez, Rolf, if I need to know so badly about it, then why don't you explain it to me?" Jimmy spoke again.
"Alright, let Rolf tell you the entire story." Rolf cleared his throat.
"Moana Kanker was a woman of poor fortune. She lived in a shabby old trailer home with neglectful parents, was uneducated, and barely had enough to survive throughout the years. Her life was more miserable than one could ever imagine. The only good thing Moana had going for her was that she was considered to be quite gorgeous.
Born with lengthy ginger hair, fair, smooth peach skin, shiny magenta eyes, and decorative freckles, Moana Kanker was the most beautiful girl in all of the forest. On her 18th birthday, things took a turn for the worst, when Moana's parents killed one another in a drunken rage. Moana realized that she had to care for herself at this point. However, due to her lack of education, she could not get herself an actual job. And alas, she looked to the local Cul-De-Sac to find herself a suitable spouse to take care of her.
Moana's first lover was Mr. Michael Burns. He was a very risk-taking person, married and planning to have a child in the future. He and his wife were invited to a party at the Chill household, and Moana was also there. So, Moana challenged Michael to a drinking contest. They drank for a while, and soon Michael became unaware of his surroundings. When he had finally become sober, he found himself to be in Moana's bed, completely undressed. The horrified man then proceeded to run off to inform the authorities.
Next on Moana's list was dear Archer Chill. He certainly had a kind heart, but unfortunately was not very bright. He hosted another drinking party soon after the first one. Ignorant old Archer seemed to have had a bit too much grape wine, and his drunkenness deluded him into believing that Moana actually was his dear wife. The man remembered none of the incident afterwards, not drinking, not seeing Moana, not even being in the trailer with her.
The last victim of Moana's desires was Rolf's father, Giovanni Way. He was a hardworking shepherd man, who spent days upon days plowing at his fields for crops and hunting the best animals there were. One day, Giovanni decided to take a drink break. He placed a glass of water to his mouth, and consumed all of the liquid, not knowing that there was a roofie and some cocaine inside of it. Asleep fell the man, who soon after waking up, had already been helping Moana make her babies. When the drugs wore off, he also escaped Moana's clutches and told the police.
Moana never got to keep any of her lovers. What she was given instead over the course of nine months were three kids. Lee, daughter of Michael, May, who was Archer's child, and Marie Kanker, who was brought into the world by Giovanni's dreaded mistake.
The Kanker Sisters were born in the trailer that Moana had lived in all of her life. They had inherited it when Moana abandoned them to run away from the cops that wanted her for her crimes. Due to their lack of parental attention, they too, had to support themselves. They did this by stealing crops and supplies from Rolf's family, until they decided they had to vacate.
Rolf's father asked him to keep a promise before he left. He said, 'Hrodulf Marcus Way, I want you to promise me, to protect this Cul-De-Sac. Keep the Kanker family as far away from it as you possibly can. May I trust you with that?' Rolf told him that he take charge of the Cul-De-Sac as responsibly as he could.
The election month came, when the children had to vote between me and Jonny over who would be the king of the Cul-De-Sac. To my dismay, Jonny won the most votes. I could not let that happen. The Kankers were still stealing food from me, I'd need some sort of power to manage with that. So I took over the Cul-De-Sac myself through intimidation and dominance. It became pretty much a prophecy that I would rule Peach Creek, Jonny and you would be my servants, and I would milk my peasants as much as I needed them. Only a select few have the power to defeat me, and I shall not let them do so, not after all of this painful labor I went through!" Rolf sang this speech from the bottom of his heart. "Be prepared, Jimmy-boy, we are going to trump over these wretched Kankers and show them that they will step on us no more!"
And so, Rolf and Jimmy went to work, slaughtering all of the parents of the Cul-De-Sac, one by one. Every parent's meat was stored inside of a box for future use. Soon after every parent was dead, the last thing Rolf had to do was decide a place to hide in. A place far away, no one would ever even think of finding him there...