CoLu Week Day 1: Defect
Defect
Synonyms: blemish, imperfection, glitch, flaw, irregularity, scar, weak point, infirmity, failing, stain.
Antonyms: perfection, advantage, blank, cleanliness, correctness, accuracy, success, sufficiency, strength, truth.
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Therashae: The story that should be posted here, you know, day one, the day that is supposed to come first, is refusing to click. (Author slaps story across the face, then shakes it violently by its shirt while screaming obscenities.) It says 'defect' and that's it. It's... It's... defective!
Cobra: What the hell are you doing?
T: Nothing. (Author shoves 'story' behind her back.)
C: That isn't nothing.
T: I'm the author, so if I say it's nothing that is exactly what it is.
Lucy: Why does Juvia's Gray doll have a piece of paper taped to its head that says 'defect story' and how did you get it out of her room?
T: Umm... (Author looks from now empty hands up to Lucy and back again.) I don't know?
C: She is pretending it is her story just so she can be violent with it.
L: Isn't defect a CoLu Week prompt? Why are you using a Gray doll if the story is about us?
T: It was there?
L: What is your problem with Gray anyway? He's kinda an asshole in your stories.
T: I don't know! I like him as a character, but I just can't write him as a nice guy.
L: Ok. So why are you mad at your story?
T: It won't cooperate. (Author collapses dramatically into previously nonexistent chair.)
L: Well what ideas did you try?
T: First I toyed with the idea of you telling Cobra that being perfect was boring. I also tried 'Accepting something as perfection leaves no room for improvement' but that had no story behind it. I tried chopping off your limbs...
L: Why would you do that!
T: ...and Cobra's limbs.
C: What is wrong with you?
T: I tried turning each of you into defective robots. I thought I had it when I turned you both into a single artificially intelligent entity with a split personality but...
C: You put us both in the same body? How would we have sex?
T: Actually you didn't have a body.
C: That's even worse!
L: Did you try making Cobra infertile? (Cobra gapes at Lucy.)
T: He doesn't like me enough to let me do that.
L: How about making me infertile? (Cobra growls at author.)
T: I repeat. He doesn't like me enough to let me do that. (Cobra continues to growl.) (Lucy crawls into Cobra's lap [Don't ask when He started sitting or where the chair came from.] and starts rubbing his ears.) (Cobra starts purring.)
L: What about...
C: Nope. To much personal shit for her to write that. Give her a couple years.
L: Then...
C: No! That one too, and besides I would never do that! What the fuck is wrong with you two?
T: Fairy Tail wizards, Cobra.
L: Actually, Therashae, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you aren't a Fairy Tail wizard.
T: I am if I write that I am.
C: It doesn't actually work that way. (Author pouts.)
L: Were there any other ideas you tried?
T: I tried breaking your washing machine...
C: You were going to make me a fucking repairman! That's worse than cutting off my arm!
T: And I tried having Cobra make a complaint call.
C: Well that sounds boring as hell.
T: I know! I could give Lucy selective amnesia so she forgets all the bad stuff people do to her!
C: No.
T: Why not?
C: Because that's pathetic as shit that's why.
L: And Cobra would totally take advantage of it.
C: Says who!
T: Everybody. You guys are right. That wouldn't work.
L: How about you tell us how you came up with your other submissions for CoLu Week this year.
C: Start with the first one you wrote.
T: Day 4. When I saw the word pyramid it just popped into my head.
C: What's it about?
T: Cheerleaders, a joint, and the bleachers.
C: What the fuck does any of that have to do with Fairy Tail?
L: It's an AU, Cobra.
C: Well F you, AU. (Lucy and author both roll their eyes.)
L: What came next?
T: Next I scratched down ideas for days 2 and 3. I actually finished day 6 next though.
L: Weren't you super stuck on that one too though?
T: Yeah. I kept trying to put a plane into the story. You two almost ended up doing a Tarzan and Jane thing after I pushed Lucy out of her little bush plane.
L: Please tell me you didn't do anything like that.
T: Nope. Instead I rewrote the pilot episode of Fairy Tail!
C: But I'm not...Oh. I like it.
T: I know, right! And it gave me the perfect entry into day 7 too, so I linked them!
C: Would have saved that version of me a lot of trouble if you had just fixed the problem during the pilot prompt.
T: Clodoa gave me an in so I took it. Besides I thought it was awesome!
L: I'm lost.
T: Then read the story silly.
L: But you won't post it until Friday!
T: I think it's worth the wait myself.
L: Fine. What did you write next?
T: Day 6 and Day 7 flowed into the Bonus day so I wrapped those up together before going back and writing day 5.
C: So you wrote the whole week backwards?
T: Pretty much.
L: What is Day 5 about?
T: The delirious prompt is a dragon mates fic in which Cobra is a stubborn asshole.
C: I'm always a stubborn asshole.
T: You were especially stubborn on the day in question.
L: You wrote day 4 first so what about Day 3?
T: Remember how Makarov invited Gajeel to join Fairy Tail after Phantom Lord was defeated? It's kinda like that. I was a little mean to Natsu in that one.
L: Why?
C: Because he is an idiot.
L: Natsu is my best friend!
C: He's still an idiot.
T: Anyway! Day 2 is set during the year gap. Water just had to be associated with Aquarius. Sorry Lucy. I know that's a sore subject for you.
L: It's your story so I'm sure I'll be fine. Did talking about all that help your defect problem?
T: Not at all.
L: Well phooey.
T: Maybe I'll just transpose this conversation into script form and use it as my story. Then if I come up with a real defect story I can post it as a super bonus day.
L: You've been recording this!
C: That's weird.
T: It's my fucking mindscape you idiots! You know what, go away!
C: Nah. I'll stay for the show.
T: What show?
Juvia: What have you done to Juvia's beloved?
T: How did you get in here?
Gray: What is your problem with me? I want answers!
T: I don't know!
Natsu: Why is there a defective sign on Gray's face?
T: That's not what it says!
J: Water Slicer!
T: Protective Barrier of Tortured Souls! (Glowing purple dome appears around author. If you look closely you can see faces in the light.)
G: Since when are you a wizard? And what the hell kind of creepy spell is that?
T: Since I'm the all powerful author that's when! And I created this spell myself. It's awesome because it's dramatic.
N: Great, let's fight! (Author screams in terror.)
L: Natsu, stop that right now! (Cobra laughs maniacally, like a chicken.)
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Till Tomorrow