What Is This about

Brian wakes up after having his death dream again. Only now he does not feel comfortable seeing his father. This man he looked up to his entire life had committed the worst atrocities and apparently had been doing it for many years. What was his father's reason? This not only ruined life for people outside of the mountain, but for the mountain people as well. What plan could his father and others been trying to accomplish. These thoughts run through his mind over and over. There is nothing that should have led his father down such a dark path. His mind races trying to sort it all out. Why had he known nothing of this?

Normally he got out bed quickly, and generally in a good mood. He was a morning person, and enjoyed the first part of day. Today it took all the effort he could come up with just to take his shower and dress. His motto has always been; move forward and try not to look back. Now the past feels like it is going to drown him. The one thing wrong with the dream had been his father was not dead. Now if you believed a dream, he would join his mother, brother and now his father. Going home, going home, where is home? Home is death!

Kelly wakes, and without word takes his shower. Brian is not sure what to say to Kelly, all of this had been his own doing. Kelly, if believed from last night saved him from embarrassment and humiliation. So like it or not, he is the one that must make peace. However, he still can't get his head out of the haze. Also the sick feeling in his gut still clings to him. Something about Bonding had been very wrong. In fact, he had felt a bit ill after his last Bonding; rather before this last one. Other Youth Leaders had made mention of this for weeks that they were feeling ill right after. A thought comes to him; his brother was to actually come to Earth and had started the procedure. When he had to take his brother's place as a Youth Leader his Bonding was started after the others had already begun having their every forty day scheduled Bonding. Could it be if he had started his with everyone that illness and the off feeling would have begun earlier. He is puzzled over all of this, confusion weighs heavy on every thought.

With a deep breath he stands up, and walks quietly to Kelly's small cage of rodents. Turning his head to ensure that Kelly is not there he opens the door, and takes out a mouse. He smiles holding the mouse in his palm. Odd how calm the small rodent is; he was sure it would be terrified. He goes back to his bed and sits down; still gently holding the mouse cupped in his hands.

When Kelly comes out and dresses he is still sitting on the bed unsure what to say. Taking a deep breath he knows it is just better to start, and it mattered not with what. He stares and speaks quietly, "Kelly, I was wrong."

Kelly's tone is icy and he shakes his head. "No, problem I keep forgetting you are perfect."

"Hardly perfect. You know it's funny we talk about how humans hate each other just for the color of their skin. Give each other horrible names. The place I get my herb, I have had remarks said that I know were not...How do I say this; comments that seem innocent to me. However, they are not. Red suit for one. Or asked what kind of cracker am I; weird things I don't understand. I may not be saying them quite as they said them, but I have learned that they are insults." He looks down unsure how to continue, "I myself; a couple of times have made disparaging remarks about humans. It is not the way I have been trained either at home or in the Youth Corp. Very wrong of me."

Kelly turns and stares at Brian. "You are a Youth Leader, thought it was against the secret society code."

"We have been trained not to, but I did it twice." Brian gives a shrug and nods. "So I guess I am guilty. It actually wasn't bad, but yeah for a Youth Leader not good. Anyway, about last night I am going to make it up to you."

Kelly turns his back on Brian and says, "Don't bother, don't care."

"I have a way to show you how sorry I am." Brian grins, and shows his cupped hands as Kelly turns around to look at him. He then holds up the small gray mouse. "Ready for it. I am going to eat it." He throws his head back, and begins to lower the struggling mouse down to his mouth as slowly as possible. He can feel a claw scratch at him and then the head is in his mouth. Suddenly the mouse is jerked from his hands.

Kelly's eyes are wide with surprise. "You are an idiot!"

Brian pauses before speaking, and then shakes his head. "I have to admit; I was a bit nervous you weren't going to stop me."

"I confess, I really wanted to see you choke on it. Not joking!" Kelly throws his head back. With a quick motion he breaks the neck of the mouse, and swallows it.

Brian gives him a respectful nod before speaking. "Remember what I was saying about the humans and their color and making offensive remarks. We always say; they are all human and it matters not their color. On our world there are four different species and we can get along. Pretty much what we are saying is that," He gives a quick shrug. "We are better than humans. Truth is we make comments, or make faces at what seems weird to us about our own people. I hate comments about how I chew my food. Literally having non-mountain people go; oh, let's see how long before you have that one bite down to paste. Let's have a contest, and see which mountain chews his bite the most. Hey, there is a spider on the wall go grab it mountain; bet it will make a nice snack. Also, we are always being told go down and eat with the humans. Never mind we like to have time for ourselves. Just because we can eat human food does not mean we like it." He shakes his head, and looks up at the ceiling. "Guess I went off on a rant."

"Sorry," Kelly says and sits on the bed next to Brian.

"You are Deypol, which is the majority of our people; not just this ship, but home. Trust me you are not a minority, and do not think I am trying to make an excuse for last night. Besides I like watching you guys eat. I was like fourteen, my friends and I tried to eat or rather swallow small baby mammals. We had actually seen older Youth Corp members do it; so we thought we would do it. After all, we can swallow large insects and small fish whole; so why not. Due to breaking my jaw years earlier I couldn't do it at all. However, Gordon; Gordon actually did it. Then George teased him about eating a little breathing baby alive; and ahhh...we won't go any further with that one. Oh, Shy choked. Our parents were so angry at us."

Kelly is laughing and nods his head. "Man, you guys told Gordon he ate a live baby and teased him for it when you were all trying to do the same thing. Now that is funny. Knowing Shy a bit; Shy is actually called Shayne is he not? Anyway, doesn't seem like Shy to even try and attempt teasing someone, you know like that. I think they call someone like him Mr. Goody Two Shoes on Earth. Humm, or something like that." Both of them laugh and then Kelly continues, "Okay, but you guys can eat poisonous plants. That has got to be interesting. Eating things that will kill most or at least make others who are not mountain sick. Funny how are different people eat things differently."

"Yes, but there are varying degrees of poison. Eat too much of something, or something you shouldn't. You know." Brian puts his hands to his neck, and sticks out his tongue for a moment. Then he falls back onto the bed.

Kelly laughs for a moment, "You know I have a friend who is Dahax; his idea of a great meal is large chunks of bloody meat, which he swallows whole. Then takes a bite of fruit and swallows the next chuck of bloody meat. Kind of like a dinner of bloody fruit." He shakes his head, "It can take half an hour or longer for them to get through this. At least you guys are...well, you know grazers. A little here and a little there. It's like you guys are always eating. Seriously!"

Brian frowns for a moment. "Erf! Grazers I hate that!" Then he laughs, "Where do you people put all of that food? You only eat a couple times, sure. However, look at what you eat and at one time. I look down at your bellies looking at your distended stomachs. Sometimes you guys look like your pregnant."

"True, but again you guys eat, come back and eat, and a little later eat again. You know that is why we call you grazers. So a couple of large meals during the day or a eat now, a little later, a little later; your dedicated eating ritual, which is really best?" Kelly laughs and shakes his head. Then he lifts a brow and with a smirk says, "So you hate being called a grazer. We Deypol at least do not eat all day. Think how much time is taken up doing that. Humans, eat three large meals a day or at least here where our ship is docked, but they aren't looking for food all day."

"That is true, the Dahax and you Deypol do know how to keep meals to a minimum. However, humans also have snacks. So in a way they are another type of grazer. You know we have Ibrea on the mountains. Desert people, now those are grazers. They don't even have meals, they just eat a bit, and then a bit, and then eat a bit more."

Kelly purses his lips, "Never knew any Ibrea personally. Ran into some a couple of times. Nothing like a couple of nine foot guys, who are blacker than coal, and so thin they were like walking sticks." He gives a quick smile and shrugs.

"And humans think they are different from one another," Brian says with a smirk.

"Weird conversation on food," Kelly says as he lifts a brow. "Somehow, I have never really gotten so involved in this conversation." He then lays back on Brian's bed. "You broke your jaw as a kid?"

"Yeah, but it's a stupid story. Kids being kids is all. Don't you have to go do some programming thing?" Brian's tone has a slight edge to it.

"Sure, but..." Kelly chuckles. "I was mad at you, and was leaving early. Late schedule today; ever changing schedule. They don't see any value in us. You know we children as they call us...as you say erf!"

"Ah, gotcha," Brian smiles, "Better now?"

"Yeah, so how did you break your jaw? I have a later shift and you oddly have the day off. So did you break it going down one of those cliffs you guys are always talking about? Doing a little mountain climbing?" Kelly laughs again. "Sorry. Live on a mountain, does that mean mountain climbing with every step you take."

Brian frowns thoughtfully, "You actually are weird; did you know that. Besides not really the day off. I have a list of suggestions to spend my day. Mostly they want me to study different subjects or take tests so that I finish that subject. Like you they want us to compete our education, do their thing. I swear my day is; meeting, study, go down, eat and nap, study, go back down. Maybe exercise somewhere in there to fulfill that quota for the week. No, you are not mountain climbing all day. The Deypol have mountains, you really should go up one sometime when we return home."

Kelly smiles. "I grew up on the flatland's. Sure an occasional mountain or hill, but for most part flat." He traces a straight line in the air. "So how did you break your jaw?"

There is a long moment of silence and then Brian shakes his head. "Not letting it go are you?" He then sits up and rubs his neck.

"No, of course not." Kelly sits up and stretches.

Brian glances about; why he feels nervous he can't say. It really feels like he is being watched in a way. Monitored more than usual, but no evidence of it. Finally he says, "We were playing war. You know just kid stuff. I guess we were ten. So it was Brighton, Shy and myself. The other side was Gordon, George and I can't remember the other guy. It was Brighton's turn to be War Leader that day. I had what I considered a great idea to win. So I said I was going to take Brighton's turn as War Leader. We got into. I mean really got into it. I don't know why, but I started laughing at Brighton. I started telling him how I knew better and all the stuff you can say to truly irritate someone."

"Well no offense you are still pretty good at it." Kelly says with a sly grin. "So did he punch you?"

"Hum, thanks," Brian smirks and his mind races as he remembers the day. He can see the day now, the different grasses and their various colors. Trees whose leaves were waving about in the slight breeze. He closes his eyes for a moment, he misses home. He had been a jerk to his cousin and he knows it now. He should never have tried to take Brighton's turn from him, but it had its reward in the end. Now of course if anyone was going to be a military genius it was Brighton. He will never forget the day and he will always hold it close even if he was not being fair. Finally he says, "No, he didn't exactly punch me."

"What then, don't leave me hanging?" Kelly sits up, "What did you do!"

Brian sits up. "Okay, I am laughing and making comments. You know stuff. Wam! He runs and lowers his head and rams right into my guts." Brian falls back on the bed again. "Whoosh! I am on the ground and he is on top of me. Do I stop laughing?"

Kelly stands and looks down at Brian. "I have a bad feeling you didn't."

"He drops down on me and starts hitting me he was so angry." Brian gives his normal smirk of a smile, "That's right. I realized I could get what I wanted. Maybe not then, but later. I just kept laughing. I put my hands down and held onto the grass and just took it." He shakes his head as he sits up. Yes, he had not been nice and once he realized he could manipulate the situation to his advantage he did. Brian curls his lip, he has never stopped being that person.

Kelly has a bewildered look on his face, "He broke your jaw, and you were okay with that?"

"No, I had not realized he had broken my jaw until later. Well then again, I guess so. I got what I wanted. Shy pulled him off, and then adults ran up and wanted to know what was going on. I said we were just messing around, and I took a hard fall. Never brought Brighton into it. When they took me away to make sure I was okay, I turned to Brighton and I said, you owe me. He said I know; and I said no, you will always owe me."

"You were only ten?" Kelly looks stunned by what he has heard. "He knows you manipulated him?"

"Yeah, and he figured it all out pretty quickly. Brighton is anything, but stupid."

Kelly walks over to his desk as a sound of a beep sounds and he reads the message on his device. Then he says, "Brighton is your cousin. The guy you say is like a brother to you."

"Yes." Brian has only good feelings for his cousin. Brighton is like a brother and is one of his closes friends. Both of their mothers had died due to the poison spread on their home mountain. This poison, had been passed on to the next generation. However, due to the Whipelli open DNA cells, which evolves with each generation to survive mountain environmental issues this poison was not a problem for his generation of those clans first affected by the poison. He and Brighton were third generation, he has been told their genes will now fight anything similar to that poison. However, his mother was second generation, and the evil had killed her eventually. That poison had also slowly moved across the northern ranges; even if not to the degree his mothers clan had experienced. For years he was told the different clans had become ill and some had even died. So, even not blood related to his mothers clan the third generation had built in a certain amount of resistance to that poison. For his generation it would have to be another poison if they wanted to kill the mountain people.

He finds himself frowning; his father had been working on destroying everything. Suddenly he feels the confusion and anger he had felt when he first woke this morning. It had been the supposed democratic government who had used the poison on his people when they refused to join the government. He could understand if his father had been fighting that governing body, but he was not resisting that government. No, because the Great Leader had ousted and improved the governing body who had spread the poisonous chemical in order to force his people to join the ruling government. No, it was the Regime his father had been working against. For him; unlike his father, it is the Great One where his unwavering devotion will remain forever.

Brian sighs as he returns his thoughts to Kelly and their conversation. His tone though still carries a darkness from those thoughts as he speaks. "Hey, that was then. We do things for each other all of the time."

"No, offense." Kelly shrugs and frowns. Suddenly he smiles. "Kind of glad I am not related to you."

He laughs. "Hey, it's always good to have people owing you a favor."

Kelly shakes his head. "It may be that you owe," He points directly to Brian for moment, "Someone a favor and you don't even know it. I mean a big favor. Maybe some people do it just to feel good. Like one day you could owe me a huge favor and not know, because I am awesome like that."

"Who? You?" He frowns, "No, one does favors for me unless they are looking for something."

Kelly smiles and laughs. "Not always. Got to go to work now. They have changed my schedule once again. Since you have the day off, and are so good at manipulating everyone. We could use a bit more herb. If only to remind me I still owe you a favor."

A low beep sound has Brian picking up his device and he reads the message that has been sent. "I have to go to a twenty minute counseling session. I guess I will be leaving for a bit as well." He looks up from his device, "Bye Kelly."

Kelly begins to walk out the door, but turns. He fumbles about as he places his device in his belt pocket. "Bri, sorry."

Brian takes on a serious look, "About last night?"

"No, that you feel you are always being used and have to protect yourself. Starting to see why you are kind of a jerk at times. It's self-preservation mode."

Brian stands there for a minute trying to decide how to respond, and then decides not to reply to that comment. Kelly is right, Youth Leaders have one thing in common. Self-protection. "I will do what I can about the herb. They may not let me off of the ship; have a feeling now that I am being monitored."

Kelly shrugs, but again before he walks out the door Brian calls out his name and he stops.

"You know Kelly, you can pay part of that favor off."

"No, I am paying all of it off." Kelly says with a chuckle. "So what is it?"

"Okay," Brian says with a smile. "I don't know why, but I really want to know who the storm trooper was that came and got me yesterday. The one that came and escorted me to the counseling and bonding session."

"Ah, sure." However, Kelly has a confused look on his face. "You know, you can get that information yourself. Besides the trooper was just doing his job if your thinking he shouldn't have, or whatever."

There is a moment of silence as Brian knows he can do just that. He doesn't need to have this done secretly, but for some reason he can't understand he doesn't want anyone to know that he wishes to confront that trooper. The troopers remarks had made him unhappy, for what reason he does not know. He has had heard much worse comments. Still he wants that name. "Kelly, I can't explain. I want to talk to him without others getting in the way."

"Almost all of the troopers are Dahax." Kelly rubs his face, "We have to wear these stupid masks on our faces. I don't like it, but it doesn't hurt me. The Dahax have large crests and their noses are flat and broad. The stuff used to give them a human nose hurts them. So if he said something that made you mad let it go. Again, you can get that information yourself."

"Yes, he upset me." He shrugs and shakes his head. "I know it sounds stupid, but I just want to know who he is. I promise; I am not going to get him in trouble. Besides I would be the one that sounded like a troublesome child. For some reason, I just want to know who he is without others drilling me on why." Again, he shrugs. "Please."

He hesitates for a moment and Brian can see he is concerned for the unknown trooper. When Kelly speaks his tone though not commanding does have stiff tone to it. "Promise, Brian."

"Yes, I have no reason other than I just want to know who he is."

"Okay, do you have any issues with me sending the info to your device?"

"No. Yes. I mean..."

"I am literally going to write this down. I will send some information; you will then go to this site and get the information and his schedule. Use the special password I don't want to be part of this after that. Again nothing, nothing happens to him. You stalk, talk, whatever; but no mistreatment." Kelly writes on a paper and folds it twice; and hands it to Brian. "Make sure you completely destroy this."

"I swear, nothing is going to happen. I need to know more about others on this ship. This morning I woke up realizing how isolated I am from just about everyone who is not Youth Corp. I have really just come to know you and Alex. It seems wrong somehow." He shakes his head, he can't understand why so much confusion seems to have suddenly dropped this dark veil on him once again. The only thing clear to him is his deep devotion to the Great Leader.

Kelly stands quietly for a moment his stare unwavering. With a deep breath he finally speaks, "The information will be forth coming. You have a great day, and don't let anyone see that paper. They will wonder why you have something written on that instead of your device. As you said they like to monitor."

Brian folds the paper one more time and then unbuckles his belt. "It is broken, sort of ah...by accident, ah..." He then slides it under the back of the metal insignia buckle on his belt. The metal buckle has the Visitor Military marking, but also in a corner the nearly invisible marking of the Youth Corp pressed into it. A marking that separates the Youth Corp from the rest of the crew and officers.

"You broke the buckel by accident; creating a secret hideaway." Kelly shakes his head and leaves.

With the quiet in the room Brian feels the darkness coming over him again. One thing he keeps hidden is the fact that he fights depression from time to time. He has things he does just to try and keep it in check, but with his father now a traitor of the worse kind. How can he deal with this? What was his father thinking? They owe everything to their Great Leader. He knows one thing, he will die with no remorse to serve the Great Leader. He looks towards his device, he has another message this time from Arthur. Just a reminder to meet with Don again for a counseling session this morning. He shakes his head yesterday was an odd day. Giving guns to humans, an odd bonding and a counseling session; all of these make him very uneasy. Waking with confusion and foreboding does not help either. Especially since he can't identify what bothers him.

However, if he feels uneasy; part of it is that he never thought he could hate his father; I am the son of a monster. I manipulate, I do whatever it takes to accomplish my goal. What does that make me?

He finds himself smirking and with a whisper he says, "Monster."