Chapter Three: Nowhere Now
"Why didn't you mention this earlier?" Hex said incredulously after a beat of silence. "It's not as if it would have been, you know, useful to us or anything!"
"Because I had no idea about any of it until ten minutes ago!" the Doctor said. "I only realized when Commander Spencer and I scanned the records for instances of his name –"
Hex angrily thumbed the talk button again. "That's great and all, but how do we get rid of him?"
"The plan I had devised rather relied on either you or Ace getting into that hatch in the console room that I welded shut, and flipping the switch inside," said the Doctor. "From there, everything should resolve itself. I'm coming over now. Just stay put." And indeed, the sound of him moving along the corridors of the base could now be heard through the low quality of the walkie-talkie – hurried footsteps.
"The door's locked; you won't be able to get in," Hex said.
"Don't be ridiculous, this is my TARDIS we're talking about. Of course she'll let me in."
"Yeah, but – this Nobody guy, he's done... something to it, it's like – well, I don't know, but I don't think you'll be able to if he doesn't want it to happen!" He crossed to one of the other doors, and listened at it for a second. There was no sound outside, only the faint thrum of the TARDIS vibrating anxiously. "I'll get to the switch. I just use the thermospanner, right?"
"That's correct, but – "
"I'll just pop out and flick it then," Hex said, with a confidence he really wasn't feeling. "No sweat, yeah? The TARDIS will keep me safe. Hopefully," he added, mostly to himself. He pushed the door open, and looked from side to side – the corridors were empty. "See, everything's fine. Nobody's out here."
Which was probably a really terrible thing to say, considering the circumstances.
"Boo," whispered the person who was suddenly and inexplicably directly behind him, directly in Hex's ear. Hex, much to his own shame, screamed in terror – if Ace had been there to comment, she would have laughed and remarked on the congruence of his own scream and that of a six-year-old girl's, so it probably was a good thing that she wasn't. The walkie-talkie in his hand clattered to the floor, skittering across to rest at the other side of the hallway.
"Wow," said Nobody No-One, crouching at a ninety-degree angle against the TARDIS wall with a razor-toothed grin that was practically threatening to burst out from his mouth. "That was a lot more fun than I thought it was going to be."
His scarf, for some physics-and-gravity-defying reason, was not dangling down to the floor – it fell sideways to where his feet were contacting the wall and was coiled neatly there.
"Y – you," Hex said, an unwanted stutter finding its way into his voice, "how'd you even find me?"
Nobody rolled his eyes, and somersaulted off from his unlikely standing position to land neatly on the ground, right-way up. "You practically summoned me, idiot. Didn't your mother ever tell you to watch your language?"
Hex bit back the instinctive response – my mother's dead, you creep – and instead scanned his memory of the past few seconds. After a moment, he realized that yes, he had indeed said 'nobody's there' upon leaving the library. Wow, you really messed that one up, Schofield. "Fuck."
"'Fuck' sounds about right," Nobody agreed, and then he was holding the gun again, levelling it directly at Hex. "Now, don't get any clever thoughts about running off to the console room – remember, I'm the one with the gun, and I don't think either of us wants you winding up dead."
"I don't know, you were having a pretty good go at it before!" Hex said incredulously.
"What, that?" Nobody flapped a dismissive hand in Hex's direction. "Pft, that was just us getting to know each other!"
The walkie-talkie on the floor crackled into life, although it was facing downwards and slightly muffled. "I'm at the doors, Mister Hex; I'm coming in. Don't go anywhere. Don't –"
Nobody lazily fired a blast off at the device, and it emitted sparks and a faint puff of smoke before it fizzled and died. "He's super annoying, you know that? And knowing him, he'll probably actually manage to get in soon-ish, which means I'm gonna have to speed this up."
Hex clutched the thermospanner tightly in a fist, wondering if it was the sort of thing he could use as a weapon.
"No, no," Nobody said after a moment, clearly annoyed. "You're not saying anything. You were supposed to say something like 'speed what up?' And then I would have told you, 'well, I made this into a bit of a game with your pal Dorothy, and she ended up losing even though there was no definite way for her to actually win', and then you would have presumably said something along the lines of 'what?' or maybe even 'oh my god' and then," he paused for a second to take an exaggeratedly deep breath, "I would have explained to you that because of something your friend the Doctor said earlier, I could have just snatched her out from the TARDIS without having to even speak to her at all!"
"Ace's okay?" Hex blurted. "You didn't kill her?"
"Oh, so that's what you choose to fixate on. Is this another one of those weird human emotions? Friendship, isn't it?" Nobody rolled his eyes. "No, I didn't kill her, and I'm not going to kill you either. Not yet, anyway. I need to check the bounty on you people again – sometimes targets are worth more dead than alive, y'know."
"I – bounty?" Stall for time, stall for time – the Doctor said he was coming, but would he be able to do anything once he actually got inside? "You're a bounty hunter?"
"Uh, yes?" Nobody's eye raised much higher than it should have been possible to do, and then something seemed to occur to him. "Oh – hang on, are you trying to distract me?"
Oh god he's onto me change the subject. "What do you mean you could have snatched us because of – whatever the Doctor said?"
Nobody eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, you're definitely trying to distract me. Waiting for the Doctor to show up, is that it?"
"N – I just, I don't understand anything that's going on!"
"That sounds about right, from what I know about you," Nobody agreed. His teeth re-emerged again, sharp as razors. "You know, I love vague statements. Have you heard of a thing called 'Death of the Author'?"
Hex had, sort of, but that knowledge was really imprecise and he didn't see what it had anything to do with their current situation.
"Some sort of concept from this dimension," Nobody said, leaning casually in an impossible direction for apparently no actual reason. "Something something else, basic gist of it is: interpretations are just as, if not even more important, than the intention behind the statement. And, well," and here the gun went away, just disappearing like it had never been here, like Nobody had no more use for it, "the Doctor's exact words in that lab back there were 'no-one is going to separate us' – and gosh, that's rather nicely vague, isn't it?"
Hex's heart was pounding in his chest. "Wait –" he said, rather feebly.
"Which means," continued Nobody, "I can just..." And he flicked a hand into the air with a flourish, just as the sound of the Doctor, dashing down the hallway, could be heard from where they were.
"Hex!" the Doctor bellowed, from simultaneously very close and far too far away, but again – it was already too late.
The thermospanner that Hex had been carrying clattered to the ground, and he was gone.
And Nobody was laughing like he'd never stop.
The Doctor, as was becoming depressingly frequent as the years went by, arrived seconds too late to be of any use, and exactly on time to arrive face-to-face with imminent peril.
"You," he snarled – his face twisting in anger upon seeing Nobody in the corridor, still laughing fit to burst – and the thermospanner and walkie-talkie that Hex had been carrying, both lying, discarded, on the ground.
Nobody pulled his laughter back under control, with some visible effort. "Me," he agreed, matching the Doctor's disdainful tone for that word. "Oh, I wondered when you'd be showing up! It's really not a party until the Time Lord arrives, am I right?"
"What did you do?" The Doctor was not amused in the slightest, and oh, did it show. "What did you do with them?"
"Oh, that's lovely." Nobody crossed his arms, somewhat petulantly. "Not even a 'hello, Nobody!' 'Wasn't it silly of me to slip up like that and let you kidnap my pets, Nobody! But fair is fair, I guess – you can keep them! And by the way, I love your scarf! Wherever did you find that?'" He tugged pointedly at the lengthy scarf he was wearing. "Not one person has commented on it today, and I've got to say, I'm disappointed. It's new, you know."
"They are my friends, not pets, you have never once played fair, that scarf belongs to me," the Doctor spat at him, "and I very much suspect that the reason your fashion sense has not been commented on is because a), it's atrocious and b), people don't tend to want to complement the person who is currently shooting at them – much less if they end up dead at the conclusion of the conversation!"
"It belongs to you?" Nobody said, examining the knitted fabric. "Huh, no wonder I found it lying around in that wardrobe of yours. That explains a lot."
The Doctor ground his teeth together angrily. "What do you want from me? Why go to all the trouble of killing that innocent man – assuming that was you, anyway."
"Well, of course it was me," Nobody said, flashing a smile that would have been brilliant if it wasn't so horrifying, "after all – 'nobody could get in or out of that room without anybody seeing'. Did you see what I did there?"
"And I suppose it was all just a plot to lure me here," said the Doctor, disgusted. "A trap. Was that it?"
"Well, not just you – those delightful friends of yours as well," Nobody said. "But yep. Basically." He wiggled his fingers in the air. "Surprise! Although," he added, leaning back against a wall, "I did not expect you to make it so easy for me! Saying something like 'no-one's going to separate us'? Completely out of left field. Did not see that coming." He laughed aloud, a short bark of incredulity. "Actual genius. I couldn't have planned it better myself. I'm telling you, whatever I get paid for this job, it will never be worth as much as that one moment when I realized what you had just done! Priceless!"
"To be clear," the Doctor said, after a very long, pregnant pause. "You orchestrated the brutal murder of an innocent man, killed all of the people that thought they would be safe in here in cold blood, invaded my home and abducted my friends – for money?"
"There's a surprisingly large bounty on all of your heads," Nobody said, shrugging, "from a surprisingly large variety of people. The prices are fluctuating all the time, but it is large. So I figured, why not have a day off to bait a Time Lord? It's practically a holiday compared to everything else I do! And I get a massive sum of money while I'm at it - good, eh?"
"If by good you mean 'completely immoral and wholeheartedly deserving of my utmost eternal disgust' – " the Doctor was rolling his rs like bowling balls, popping the plosives of his every syllable, putting every bit of his formidable Scottish accent to work, " – then, yes, it is 'good'."
"Well, I'm glad I live up to your rather stringent standards, Doctor," Nobody said, smirking. "But what do you intend to do now?"
"Well, I don't know," the Doctor said. "Aren't you planning to take me as well, as you did to Ace and Master Hex?"
"Hopeful, are you?" Nobody raised an eyebrow.
"Impatient, maybe. If you're planning to complete the set – take all three of us – I'd prefer you just get on with it."
"Ah, okay, see – here's the thing. Remember that thing you said earlier?" Nobody was playing with his scarf, flipping it back and forth between his fingers and between dimensions. "'Nobody can separate us', or whatever – I've forgotten already. Point is, I technically can't take you with me, because then that wouldn't count as separating the three of you, and – bad stuff would happen, probably? My CORDIS might unravel, possibly, and there would be consequences, definitely, so, like – best not to risk it, hm?" The scarf dropped from his hands, and now it was a negative image of itself, with black where white should be and purple replacing green. "It was a hard choice, let me tell you. I could take one or two of you, but not all three! And since you showed up last, well," a shrug, "guess you're not today's lucky winner, huh?"
"So that's it?" The Doctor's expression hardened. "You're just going to leave with my friends, and go off to do Rassilon-knows-what with them? And you expect me to just sit back and watch that happen?"
Nobody looked surprised – vaguely, at least – for a second, and then he laughed again. "What? Nah. I'm going to leave with your friends, go and sell them to the highest bidder, and then," he made jazz hands in a manner that indicated he was doing it absolutely unironically, "afterward, I'm gonna come back to get you, too, and you'll go the same way! Except, preferably for a higher price."
"You're never going to get hold of me," said the Doctor, with utmost certainty in his voice. "And I will get my friends back from you, Nobody No-One. I will make sure of that."
Nobody winked, and he flickered once. "We'll see about that!" he said, cheerful and bright. "But, well. Two of three's not bad!"
And then the lights of the TARDIS flickered out for precisely four-point-five seconds, and when they came on again, Nobody was right next to the Doctor, hands on his shoulders and head right next to his ear.
"See you later, Doc," he whispered, eyes glinting, and then in slightly less than half a second, he was gone. The Doctor looked around wildly, but there were four and a half buttons on his coat (the fifth one was starting to fall off), and he was standing next to the door marked 'forty five', and it was completely obvious by that point that Nobody No-One had vanished, and properly this time – taking Ace and Hex with him.
The Doctor, alone now, and without witness, let out a sudden shout of wordless anger, and slammed his hand down hard against the nearest wall before sinking down to sit on the ground. And if you had looked closely at him at that very moment, you would have seen that he was shaking.
The TARDIS was still humming in distress, although it wasn't as intense as before. The Cloister Bell had stopped ringing shortly after the Doctor had entered her walls, but there were still alarms blaring and lights flashing from the console room, which was only just around the corner.
After a second, the Doctor reached a hand up to the wall of the TARDIS – moving gently this time, but there was still a noticeable tremor to the action. "I'm sorry," he murmured, pressing his fingers flat against the surface, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to – I was – I lost my temper. Forgive me?"
The vibrations increased for a moment, and then settled down into an even, pleasant sort of hum, as if the timeship were telling him; don't be silly, there's nothing to forgive.
"Thank you," the Doctor said softly. He shut his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, there was a grim sort of determination in his eyes. He pulled himself off the ground, to his feet, and after briefly touching the wall of the TARDIS once more, headed directly for the console room.
The bodies, littered from wall to wall, well, they gave him pause for a second or two – he had passed them briefly on the way in, but he had been occupied with more urgent matters at that point. After a few moments of silent contemplation, he got to work – solemnly moving them from their positions of death to a more respectful, dignified repose. He rearranged clothes, neatly covering up burn marks and holes where possible, and gently closed the eyes of each and every one of them.
He went out, reassured the soldiers and delegates that everything was safe now – that the murderer had been taken care of, in a manner of speaking (this was a lie, it always came down to the lies) and they seemed to believe it. He requested the help of some of them to remove the bodies from the console room, and left them to take care of it.
He found Commander Spencer – no, Claire, he found Claire – back where he'd left her, in the control center, and explained the situation to her in the most succinct terms possible. She nodded along, made a note or two as she did, and then told him that she'd take care of the cleanup.
"Thank you very much, Claire," he told her.
She waved him off. "You've saved this planet enough times, Doctor. The least I can do is..." And she trailed off, and eyed him with a sharp look in her eyes. "Your companions."
"Friends," corrected the Doctor, eyeing her back. There was something...
"He took them," she said.
"He did." She didn't feel quite right, time-wise, although he could tell that it wasn't her fault. Something had happened today, something that had made her ever so slightly paradoxical; not fatally so, but enough to put him on edge. Perhaps something should have happened to her today, but didn't. He wondered if it was his fault. "And I intend to get them back."
"Then go," she said, and waved him off again, but this time to the door. "You'll see me again, I suspect, but this is far more important – I can tell."
He didn't hesitate; just left without looking back. He headed down the corridors, brushing off anybody who moved to stop or confront him with a piercing look or a dismissive shrug. The soldiers had finished removing the bodies. There were weeping people in the hallways, blood staining the floor, but he ignored it all.
He entered the TARDIS, shut and locked the door (not that it would do him any good now that Nobody No-One could enter it) and stood at the console for a moment or two. The TARDIS was still humming infrequent notes of discomfort every few minutes, but for the most part his timeship was silent. There were no footsteps in the corridors – no faint explosions from the chem lab; no gleeful laughter and occasional shrieks following them. No shouts of 'hey, Professor!' in varying tones of delight and exasperation or distant yells of 'oh my god' from unlikely rooms in far-off corridors.
It was so very quiet now.
He didn't like it in the least.
After a moment, he hit a lever, and sent the TARDIS whirling into the Vortex, and as soon as he knew that there was no need for him to be there anymore, he backed away and found an armchair at the edge of the console room. He all but collapsed into it, resting his umbrella across his lap, and then he closed his eyes.
And the Doctor sat, and the Doctor thought and planned and schemed, and he didn't move for a very long time.