They had been walking for far longer than Arthur had planned but Merlin hadn't faltered yet. Turning back towards the central staircases, Arthur decided to carry Merlin the rest of the way back. Despite having had a lie-in, Merlin appeared to have expended a lot of energy that morning and Arthur was concerned that Merlin would over exert himself. Merlin settled comfortably against Arthur and smiled at him. Arthur was just drawing his attention back to Morgana and Gwen's chatter when Merlin suddenly became ramrod stiff.
He stopped walking and placed a hand at Merlin's back to steady him. Merlin's eyes were wide with fear and he was holding his breath. "Merlin? What's wrong?" Arthur asked gently. But Merlin's eyes didn't focus on him; he stared off into thin air. Gwen placed her hand on Merlin's forehead but shook her head. Merlin seemed outwardly fine but he was obviously frightened. Extremely frightened. Arthur checked their surroundings but saw nothing threatening. Was Merlin having a flashback?
Merlin cringed and covered his ears with a soft whimper. Arthur looked at the girls but it was clear from their confusion that neither had heard a sound. Merlin's fingers were digging into his ears and Arthur pried them off before he drew blood. "Merlin? Merlin, you have to tell me what's wrong? Are your ears hurting?"
Merlin's hands reached up and Arthur was quick to pull them back down. Placing his own hands over Merlin's ears, he tilted Merlin's face up to look at him. Merlin's eyes were rolling around in panic but he finally answered Arthur. He's calling for Emrys. He wants me to come to him now.
Arthur was confused. Checking their surroundings again, he gestured for the girls to follow him into a room. He stood Merlin on a tabletop but kept hold of him. "Merlin says someone is calling for him," he summarized for the girls. Turning his attention to Merlin, he asked, "Who is 'he'? Who's calling you, Merlin?" For a moment, he wondered if Cenred had found a way to call Merlin with magic.
Merlin shrugged and shook his head. "You don't know who it is. He wants you to come to him where, Merlin?" Again, Merlin didn't know. He keeps calling me. I thought he went away but he's calling me again.
Now, Arthur was more concerned. "This isn't the first time you've heard this person? When was the first time?"
Morgana interrupted them. "Someone is calling him? Arthur, what if it's… well, what if it's Cenred?" She whispered his name but might as well have shouted it given Merlin's panicked reaction. He scrambled to wrap himself around Arthur. Arthur soothed him but kept him standing. "Merlin, is it Cenred calling you?"
Merlin shook his head. He's only called me in Camelot. When you brought me, before you left, and now.
Arthur shook his head at Morgana. "Who would be calling you with magic in Camelot?" she asked.
Arthur added, "And who would know Merlin had magic from the time I brought him?"
It's not a person.
Now Arthur was thoroughly confused. "What do you mean it's not a person?" He didn't miss Morgana and Gwen's confused expressions.
Not a person. Bigger. A lot bigger. And – Arthur felt Merlin shiver as he hesitated – powerful.
Arthur found it hard to believe there could be a powerful sorcerer – let alone a magical creature – still in Camelot but he knew Merlin wasn't lying. Something had him spooked, and had been frightening him since coming to Camelot. All they knew was that it wasn't Cenred, but a small part of Arthur worried that it could be an agent acting on his behalf. He considered sending Merlin upstairs with Morgana but he could already see Morgana's determination building and Merlin was clinging desperately to him.
He sighed. "I think we should check it out." He could see Morgana gearing up a protest. "We'll all go. At the very least, we need to know what or who it is and why they are calling Merlin specifically. They seem to be very persistent and I don't want this hanging over Merlin." Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and buried his face. Arthur could feel him shaking. "I'll keep you safe, Merlin. Do you know where to go?"
After a moment, Merlin nodded and reached out with his arm to point.
They slowly made their way deeper into the lower levels of the castle, beyond even the vaults. Here, the air was cold and the walls damp, the floors carved roughly out of the bedrock and showing little signs of use. Arthur had never seen the plans for this level and he wondered why they had been kept from him. Merlin guided them to a room with yet another staircase. From the entrance, it looked not unlike a cell and a cautious swing showed that the hinges were well-maintained. Arthur took his time studying the interior of the room. It looked like a guard room. There were weapons hanging from the wall that appeared to be well taken care of. The table in the center of the room held an assortment of games materials and when Arthur checked, the cards were worn but not dusty. The stockpile of torches showed regular turnover, none of the wood was damp. Arthur had never seen or heard of a guard detail assigned here – who arranged this?
Merlin was pointing down the staircase but he whimpered quietly as they approached. There were no torches beyond the room. Arthur turned and saw both Morgana and Gwen lighting torches, Gwen carried two spares under her arm. With a nod, he accepted a lit torch and led the way down. Merlin's trembling worsened as they descended. Whatever they were searching for, they appeared to be close. He tightened his grip on Merlin and tried not to let the suspense get to him. At the base of the stairs, they passed through a doorway and found themselves on a ledge in a great cavern. Their lights barely illuminated anything beyond the ledge.
Arthur was stunned. He thought Camelot had been built on a solid foundation of bedrock but he could dimly see that the cavern extended a great distance around them. He sniffed the air, it smelled fresh but though it was cold, it was not as cold as outside. He wrapped his cloak protectively around Merlin feeling how chilled his cheek was on his neck. There must be an opening somewhere to provide circulation. Some small part of his mind was wondering if such an opening had been fortified against intruders.
Merlin was warily looking around too. He startled slightly when he felt Arthur's voice rumble against him, "Is this where the voice is, Merlin?"
Merlin nodded but he looked around as if to emphasize that there was nothing here. Morgana stood close by and asked, "Can you call it, Merlin?"
Merlin shook his head frantically and hid his face away once more. Arthur sighed. How was the owner of the voice supposed to know they were here?
They heard it then; a steady beat and a metallic dragging sound. The beat was so steady, Arthur almost mistook if for another heartbeat. It came closer unnervingly fast, seeming to resonate with the very rock around them, until it landed on a neighboring outcropping with an almighty thump. "It is high time you came to me, young warlock!" A voice boomed out as it landed.
Gwen dropped the spare torches and Morgana gasped. Merlin's grip was like a chokehold around his neck; Arthur himself was frozen with shock.
It was a dragon! A talking dragon!
Arthur's body was frozen but his mind was racing. His father had hunted the dragons to extinction during the Purge. How could there be a dragon, here in the heart of Camelot, all these years later? Why was it here? And what did it want with Merlin?
He was frantically trying to remember everything Gaius had told him about the dragons when the dragon spoke again.
Its great head came closer as he spoke, "I have been patient long enou-" It turned its head and studied them through a single piercing eye, seeming surprised to see more than one person present. The eye narrowed and Arthur began to back away, keeping himself in front of Morgana and Gwen. "EMRYS! What is the meaning of this?" The dragon's voice had been shockingly loud before but now it was deafening. "Why did you bring them here? Emrys! SHOW YOURSELF!"
The dragon's words ended with a heart stopping roar. Arthur's ears were ringing but he didn't need to hear to know Merlin was crying as he shook against him. Holding tightly to him, Arthur called out to the dragon, "What do you want with him?"
"I do not answer to a Pendragon." The dragon snapped his jaws threateningly and Arthur couldn't help but jerk back. The dragon may not be on the same ledge with them but he had no doubt it could harm them from its perch.
Merlin let out a panicked sob prompting Morgana to step out from behind Arthur, fury making her eyes shine. "You're scaring him, you stupid beast!"
Arthur both wanted to applaud her for her protective instinct and kick her for antagonizing the angry dragon. He didn't get a chance to do either, instead pulling her back behind him when the dragon snapped at her, smoke trailing out of his nostrils. "Quiet, witch! Why should I care if I frighten a Pendragon?" Something in the way the dragon spoke his name made Arthur both angry and curious. "Emrys has no reason to fear me. We are kin!"
Arthur was startled by that statement. How could a small boy possibly be kin to a dragon? Putting aside the thought, he stepped forward. "If you are truly kin, and you mean him no harm, then why terrorize him?"
The dragon appeared to be taken aback. Its jaw ground before it answered; given his earlier comment, Arthur guessed the dragon didn't want to answer 'a Pendragon.'
"What do you mean, terrorize him?" A small puff of smoke escaped with the words.
Arthur was glad that the dragon had stopped shouting, not that it did anything to soothe Merlin. Trying to sound calm and not particularly accusing, he said, "You've been tormenting him since he arrived."
The dragon huffed indignantly. "I have done nothing of the sort! I sensed his arrival and called for him. When I did, I sensed his illness and patiently waited for him to recover. I've called him once or twice more, but always sensed great distress and left him. But now I can no longer wait, I must warn him of things to come." The dragon narrowed his eyes at Arthur, perhaps noticing Merlin in his arms for the first time. "I can sense him nearby, are you hiding him from me? Emrys, come out!" The dragon sounded uncertain.
Merlin kept his face buried in Arthur's neck. Arthur decided Merlin wasn't going to respond and stepped away from the wall. "This is Merlin and he hides because he is afraid of you. Please stop calling him Emrys. He doesn't like that name." The dragon's eyes widened but it didn't speak so Arthur continued, "What is coming?"
The dragon huffed again… and kept huffing. It took another moment for Arthur to realize that he was laughing. He looked back at Morgana and Gwen and saw identical expressions of disbelief. "Why are you laughing?"
The dragon hummed slightly, still enjoying its private joke. "That is not Emrys. Emrys should be close to your own age, Pendragon," the dragon spit Arthur's name nastily.
Arthur was stunned, yet again. Even Merlin lifted his head, eyes wide in surprise, and hesitantly turned to look at the dragon. Arthur noted the goosebumps on Merlin's arms and rubbed his back, trying to soothe him, feeling Merlin bracing himself. His voice was a hoarse whisper. "I – I'm not…" Merlin's breath hitched and he coughed slightly "Emrys?"
The dragon stopped making amused sounds. He turned his head until a single great eye faced them. "Come closer, boy." Arthur took a step forward but the dragon stopped him with a snarl, "Just the boy, Pendragon."
Arthur felt him take a deep breath. Merlin wiggled down but kept tight hold of Arthur's hand. His little hand was cold and clammy but Merlin stepped forward determinedly. He pulled on Arthur's hand and shot a pleading glance at the dragon. "I mean you no harm, boy. Step forward." But Merlin didn't let go. He stood where he was, head ducked down in resignation – he was neither willing to let Arthur go nor outright disobey the dragon. Arthur could read the expectation of punishment in the quivering tension in Merlin's neck and shoulders. Wanting to make the decision easier, Arthur tried to let go of Merlin's hand but stopped when Merlin gripped tighter with a whimper. Arthur was wrong, Merlin had made his decision but it did nothing to ease his fear. He squeezed Merlin's hand gently in encouragement.
After another moment, the dragon sighed and nodded minutely. Merlin, looking no less frightened, walked to the edge and stood there hunched, trembling fit to fall apart at the smallest noise.
The dragon leaned closer from its perch on the outcropping causing Merlin to jerk back reflexively. The dragon studied Merlin closely. Arthur felt a full-body shiver run through Merlin and looked down just in time to glimpse fading threads of magic around him. Suddenly the dragon jerked its head back, crying, "Impossible!" Arthur couldn't determine from the dragon's tone whether it was confirmation or not.
Merlin peered up at the dragon, holding his breath, waiting to hear the dragon's decision. "This is all wrong! You are too small, too young, to embrace such a great destiny. It cannot be!" It was confirmation then, Arthur decided. For a moment, he had hoped, conflicted – wanting to spare Merlin the burden of their shared destiny yet not wanting to invalidate all that Merlin had already suffered. He looked at Merlin, wanting to see his reaction.
Tears flowed afresh from Merlin's eyes as he glanced at Arthur before turning back to the dragon. It was still talking – voice growing louder in its agitation. "Something has irreparably broken the flow of time within destiny's path. But who? How? What else has been changed?" The dragon leaned closer to Merlin, seeming to ignore the way Merlin flinched back. "What has happened?"
Merlin's shaking worsened as he shrugged and Arthur didn't hesitate to stand closer, not wanting Merlin's fear to overwhelm him as it had done with Uther. Merlin wrapped himself around Arthur's legs burying his face in his thigh. Arthur met the dragon's eyes, saying "Merlin was enslaved by Cenred." Arthur ignored the dragon's angry snarl (hopefully directed at Cenred). "I found him when he escaped and brought him here to Camelot."
The dragon narrowed its eyes again. "Is he to be your slave too, then?"
Arthur felt Merlin stiffen and angrily answered, "Of course not! We do not keep slaves in Camelot!"
"No, only prisoners!" the dragon angrily retorted.
Merlin was frozen, looking up at Arthur with fright. Arthur ran his had reassuringly through his hair, as much to calm Merlin as to gain control of his own anger. It didn't work. "What are you talking about?" he shouted, regretting it almost immediately. Merlin took a step away from him.
The dragon violently leapt toward them and Merlin fell backwards as he turned, panicked, to face the dragon. Arthur reached for his sword, remembering belatedly that he was unarmed, the girls screamed behind him. He crouched down over Merlin, covering him-
The dragon was pulled short as the chain, now visible around the dragon's leg, clanked taught having only let the dragon approach a few meters. Arthur was detached for a moment, seeing clearly how the manacle had chafed at the dragon's hide, leaving scales missing and scarred skin. He snapped out of it when Merlin curled up on the ground beneath him and covered his head as the dragon released a full roar. As Arthur bent down lower over him, he could hear Merlin pleading again, both out loud and with his mind. "Please, please stop!" Looking back, he was relieved to see Gwen pushing Morgana into the staircase.
Arthur picked up Merlin and hurriedly backed away only to crash into an invisible barrier. The dragon demanded, "You will not take him from me. Emrys, come here!" Arthur checked Merlin's tear streaked face but his eyes were not glowing – the wall must be the dragon's doing. He pushed and kicked the wall but his blows bounced off. He leaned back on it to keep his eyes on the dragon. Merlin reached a trembling hand back to feel the invisible wall. He pushed and then slapped his little hand against it desperately, his eyes sparking through his tears.
Seeing that, Arthur snapped. "I'm not leaving him here for you to torment!" There was no keeping his anger in check now, not now that his fear was catching up to him. He was cornered and had no way of defending himself or Merlin.
"I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM!" The dragon roared again and Merlin covered his ears. Arthur's own head was starting to pound but he wasn't willing to let go of Merlin to cover his own ears. He pushed against the barrier with his back, fury fueling his attempts to break free.
The dragon snarled. "I've had enough of you, Pendragon. YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM!" Arthur felt the barrier begin to push him forward. He dug his feet in but the barrier moved him forward inexorably. "I will free Emrys from you!"
Merlin let out a strangled cry, "No…" His panicked eyes met Arthur's before he clenched them shut. They continued to be pushed forward. "Stop," he whispered. "Please…" Then again, so quietly the sound was lost, "please…" Arthur was torn between fighting the barrier and soothing Merlin, whose heart fluttered so erratically Arthur feared it would give out from fear. Then –
"STOP!" The word rumbled and echoed mightily around the cavern. Arthur very nearly dropped Merlin – he would have – had he not felt compelled to just stop. How could a small child out-shout a dragon? Was this Merlin's magic?
Everything stopped, even the dragon stopped mid-roar. There was total silence for a few blessed moments.
"You have betrayed your own kin, Emrys." The dragon sounded disappointed, more so for the abrupt change in tone.
Arthur saw Merlin's eyes open in surprise as they fell back – the barrier having disappeared without warning. The dragon turned away without another word and disappeared into the darkness as Arthur landed ungraciously on his bum. Eventually, even the beat of the dragon's wings faded, leaving them once more in total silence.
Arthur startled when Morgana laid her hand on his shoulder but it was Gwen that voiced their communal confusion with a quiet question, "What just happened?"
Arthur was pacing in front of his room. He'd sent Gwen to fetch Gaius and asked Morgana to go with her. He wanted some time alone with Merlin but didn't want to draw more attention to the small boy's distress. One look at the quiet tears still streaming down Merlin's face had been enough to persuade her. However, as soon as they arrived in Arthur's chambers, Merlin had wriggled out of his hold and buried himself under the covers on the bed. Arthur could hear his muffled whimpers but he held back, still not quite over the shock discovering a dragon in the heart of Camelot and Merlin's apparent ability to roar like a dragon. And the dragon's compliance…
Moreover, he felt that Merlin wanted – and maybe needed – a little private time. He felt the same way. He had mumbled something about ordering supper to buy himself a quick minute to think and escaped outside.
It was impossible. All of it was impossible. Questions chased themselves endlessly around his mind. Why was there a dragon imprisoned within Camelot? It was obvious that his father had something to do with it. The only person that could order security details like the one that should have been guarding the stairway AND kept it from Arthur was Uther. Yet, Uther was the one that had hunted the dragons, the one that had proclaimed to have killed the last known dragon. So why keep it alive? Why keep such a powerful, and dangerous, creature imprisoned? How had he managed to keep it imprisoned? Arthur suspected there was more to the chain than first met the eye. He remembered enough of Gaius' lessons to know that dragon hide was one of the toughest materials known to man yet the dragon had not broken free of it. On top of that, its leg had clearly sustained damage.
How did Uther even subdue it in the first place?
Also on his mind were an abundance of new questions surrounding Merlin. If Arthur had any lingering doubts as to Merlin's identity as Emrys, there were none now. The dragon had confirmed it… and then gone berserk. Why? What had he meant that Merlin was meant to be older? Why did it matter? Well, actually, on that front, Arthur could guess. He'd heard enough of the prophecy to know that whatever they faced, it would be hard enough for grown men to accomplish, let alone a small child. Still, how could the dragon now what Merlin's age should have been? Did it have some ability to see the future? No, if that was the case, then the dragon wouldn't have been surprised by Merlin's age. It also thought Merlin had been ill – had the dragon not sensed Merlin's true state of health?
And what had it wanted to warn Merlin about?
Arthur shook his head. There was no way for him to answer these on his own. He needed to talk to Gaius. Gaius was the only person – outside of Uther himself – that would know the truth of the matter.
But first, he needed to calm Merlin. Taking one last steadying breath, he entered the room.
Merlin was still huddled in a small ball under the covers of his bed. Arthur sighed and sat at the edge. Things were supposed to be getting better, easier, but they kept encountering setbacks. Just when he thought Merlin was making progress, something new came along to stress him out. He wondered how many more disturbed nights would result from today.
He backtracked away from his pity party, remembering Leon's words to him. Now was not the time for idle wishes. Merlin needed him.
Peeling back the covers, he saw Merlin's baby blue eyes looking up at him apprehensively, faced wiped haphazardly of tear tracks. Arthur ran his fingers through Merlin's hair and offered him a reassuring smile. Merlin was trying, trying to be strong like Arthur always asked, and it made Arthur proud. Maybe, just maybe, Merlin's progress wouldn't be stalled after all.
He decided to lighten the mood, to provide Merlin some relief before they sat down to talk. With a wink, he asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Merlin shrugged sheepishly, still looking nervous. He was guarded and Arthur didn't want to think why. From beneath the covers, Merlin's belly gurgled, causing him to blush.
Arthur saw an opening and went for it. "Are you hungry, Merlin? Me too! Whatever will we eat?"
Merlin glanced curiously at the doors. Arthur could almost hear him thinking, didn't you order food? "Oh, I don't know if I can wait for food to be delivered. It could take hours for it to be delivered!" He gestured wildly to emphasize his exaggerations. "I might starve!"
Merlin gave him an adorably concerned look.
"Are you worried I'm going to eat you? Hmmm?" Arthur tickled Merlin lightly, getting him to uncurl. Merlin finally seemed to catch on to Arthur's joking tone and relaxed a little.
"Maybe I'll just take a little nibble?" Seizing his chance, he pulled Merlin's shirt up and blew hard against his belly. "Oh! I'm still hungry! Shall I keep eating you?" He kept at it until Merlin screeched out loud, laughing as he tried to bring his shirt down. Chuckling, Arthur released him and leaned back against the headboard. Merlin crawled up to sit next to him, ducking under Arthur's arm to rest his head on Arthur's chest. He looked speculatively at Arthur's stomach and Arthur preemptively said, "Don't even think about it, Merlin." He tucked in his shirt for good measure.
Merlin gave him a mischievous smile and nuzzled against him prompting Arthur to hold him tightly. First a joke and now mischievousness – Merlin was coming out of his shell, slowly but surely. It gave him hope that maybe events like today weren't actually setbacks… or better yet, that Merlin was learning to cope with them better.
He sighed. "It's been an exciting day, hasn't it, Merlin? First, this morning – " Merlin tensed but Arthur ignored it, "- you finally settled into your magic. I take that as a sign that you are finally feeling safe." Merlin relaxed against him, his thumb having found its way into his mouth again. "Then, I took you on a long walk, far longer than I should have, but you handled it just fine proving to me that you really are getting healthier." He responded to Merlin's smile with one of his own. "And at the end of that, we discovered a cantankerous, cryptic, and possibly insane dragon who seemed to think I was the one hurting you." A thought came to Arthur. "Merlin, I don't hurt you do I?"
Merlin shook his head vigorously. "Do you like living with me? With all of us, here in Camelot?"
An enthusiastic nod. Arthur nodded as well, "Good." They sat in silence another moment.
Merlin peeked up at him. You forgot the part where he tried to separate us and I - I made him stop. I want to stay with you. He held tighter to Arthur's shirt.
Arthur knew why Merlin hesitated but he wanted to discuss that with Gaius present. Instead, he pulled Merlin onto his lap. "I won't let anyone take you away, Merlin. Not even grumpy, overgrown, fire breathing, lizards." That drew a small giggle from Merlin. "As for how you made him stop, we'll talk about it with Gaius, but I, for one, am glad that whatever you did worked."
Me too.
Arthur pulled away Merlin's thumb and met his eyes. "If anyone ever tries to take you away, or hurt you, you fight. Fight with everything you have, Merlin. And you better believe I'll do the same to keep you safe. That's a promise."
Merlin's eyes shone with fresh tears but they didn't fall. Instead, Merlin rested his head over Arthur's heart and quietly whispered, "I promise too."
Arthur was glad of the tranquility and he knew Merlin would be reassured by the close contact and quiet. They sat like that for a while, Merlin content to lay on Arthur's chest, sucking his thumb again, and Arthur feeling Merlin's heartbeat settle. Merlin's breathing had evened out and deepened by the time a knock startled them both up. "That's either dinner or the girls with Gaius," Arthur explained, intending to leave Merlin on the bed. To his surprise, Merlin took his hand and followed behind.
It turned out to be both, for which Arthur was grateful. Gaius was just as grateful – he'd been up since dawn helping with a troublesome birth, several chest colds, and a raging fever case. They ate dinner contentedly, Merlin refusing to leave Arthur's lap but otherwise behaving normally. They listened as Gaius regaled them with the (sometimes grisly) details of his rounds. There were even a few uncharacteristic giggles from Morgana when she saw Merlin's wide-eyed confusion at Gaius' description of a birth. Thankfully, the topic was changed quickly enough after that.
All too soon, everyone was leaning back in their chairs, satisfied and sleepy. Arthur guessed that Merlin was even drifting off from the way he sagged on his lap and he momentarily considered postponing their discussion. Only momentarily, because he knew that the conversation would have to happen eventually, and maybe a small part of him hoped that it would be best for Merlin to get it over with all in one day. Gwen quietly collected the dishes and returned them to the kitchen. She returned with a treat – mulled wine for everyone except for a mug of spiced cider which perked Merlin up right away.
With a sigh, Gaius started the conversation. "As happy as it makes me to spend some time in your company, I am fairly certain you had a reason for inviting me here tonight." Gaius glanced at each of them in turn, his eyes finally settling on Merlin. "Do you feel recovered from this morning's exercises?"
Merlin nodded earnestly even as Arthur answered for him. "He was fine after eating. We even went for a walk and he was just fine. It was what happened after… I mean, what we discovered –"
Morgana cut him off and Arthur flushed ever so slightly. "Gaius, did you know there is a dragon being kept prisoner right under the castle?" Trust her to get right to the point.
Gaius' eyebrows shot upwards. "How did you find out about Kilgharrah?"
"It has a name?" Gwen asked, looking startled by her own outburst.
"Of course! Now answer me, how did you find out about him?" Gaius hesitated, looking intently at Arthur. "Wait, did you meet him?"
Again, Arthur spoke as Merlin nodded. "Yes, apparently, he's been calling Merlin since I brought him. I think Merlin's been frightened by it every time."
Merlin nodded in confirmation. With a glance at Arthur, he quietly added, "He c-called m-me Emrys." His face crumpled a bit but he continued, "M-m-my name is Merlin."
Arthur tightened his arm around Merlin. He knew that Merlin's aversion to the name stemmed from his experiences at Cenred's hands. It was something they would have to deal with eventually but he hoped to put it off a little longer. They had enough on their plates tonight.
Gaius didn't seem to think so; he turned his chair to face Merlin fully. Tone gentle, he said, "Yes, your name is Merlin. But Emrys is also your name."
Merlin bowed his head, pulling at a loose thread on his shirt anxiously. Arthur opened his mouth to explain, to dissuade Gaius, but Merlin spoke first. "M-m-master c-c-called m-me Emrys," he whispered. "He said –" a small sob interrupted him. "He said Emrys is a m-m-m-"
Arthur's heart constricted and he was tempted to say it for him, to spare Merlin, but Merlin didn't look to him for help. Arthur took that to mean that Merlin wanted to say it, that it meant something to him. It was still painful to watch Merlin struggle with his demons, but Arthur reflected that this was yet another sign of progress – at the beginning, Merlin would have left it to Arthur to speak for him.
There were a few more seconds of stammers and finally, "-monster."
Morgana looked angry and Gwen muffled her own horrified gasp. Gaius studied Merlin sadly. He cleared his throat and waited for Merlin to look up. "Merlin, Emrys is your name. Whatever Cenred – " Merlin shivered at the name, and even Gaius could not ignore it, "-er, your master, told you or tried to make you believe, Emrys is not an identity to be frightened of. He is definitely not a monster. Did you know that to many people, Emrys is a hero?"
Merlin looked at Gaius with clear disbelief. "Yes, a hero," Gaius repeated. "A protector. A symbol of hope."
Merlin looked up at Arthur, eyes comically wide. A friend? Arthur nodded with an easy smile, understanding the reference. Perhaps it was a good thing that they finally spoke to Merlin about this, or more specifically, it was good that Gaius brought it up. Arthur hadn't been sure what to say.
"And to Kilgharrah, Emrys is kin." Merlin looked back at Gaius, making a small questioning noise. Gaius had stopped talking, pensive gaze resting on Merlin.
Morgana asked, "What do you mean by kin, Gaius? How can a boy be kin to a dragon?"
What does kin mean? Arthur met Merlin's worried gaze. Since Gaius still appeared to be thinking, Arthur answered, "Kin usually refers to family, Merlin." Merlin looked more confused than ever and Arthur didn't blame him. It appeared that everyone was confused – except for Gaius, who was now staring off into space. "Gaius?"
Gaius appeared to snap out of his thoughts. He studied Merlin intently. "Merlin, do you remember your father's name?"
Merlin stared at him in open shock before bowing his head. He shook his head. Arthur caressed his face and tilted it up. He waited until Merlin made eye contact and shook his own head. He knew what Merlin was remembering. He could not say it out loud, the memory was not one he wanted to share with anyone else, much less Morgana and Guinevere; but he couldn't let Merlin dwell on it either. This was not something as easily discussed as Merlin's fear of the name Emrys.
Gaius seemed to understand that something significant was passing between them. He waited patiently until the moment passed and asked, "What about your mother's name?"
Merlin doubled over slowly, holding his breath, but still he replied. Hunith.
Arthur said it out loud for him, "Her name was Hunith." He pulled Merlin upright and turned him over, letting Merlin cling to him as he tried to recover his composure. Arthur was a little annoyed with Gaius' questions – why was Gaius asking about them when the real topic at hand was a bloody dragon? "Gaius, why are you asking about his parents? What do they have to do with anything?"
Gaius did not look sorry for upsetting Merlin. Instead, he had a stricken look on his face – and that was worse. Arthur couldn't remember Gaius ever having such a look on his face. Morgana placed her hand over Gaius' hand, asking, "Gaius, what's wrong?"
Gwen pressed a goblet of water into Gaius' other hand. Gaius obediently took a sip and stood. He began to pace in front of the fire, shaking his head. "This story – for you to understand I need to begin further back. What do you know about the dragonlords?"
Arthur and Morgana exchanged glances. She replied, "What you taught us, Gaius."
"I meant Merlin."
Merlin settled sideways on Arthur's lap, sitting so that he could lean against Arthur but pay attention to Gaius. He was still trembling slightly and Arthur kept his arm around him. Merlin shook his head blankly.
"In ancient times, Merlin, the dragons inhabited this land as freely as wolves or bears. When men settled the land, they decided to hunt them just like they hunted other animals for sport. They didn't realize that dragons are intelligent creatures, their wisdom the result of long lifespans and their physical strength augmented by their powerful magic. It resulted in a terrible war – a reign of fire that would have resulted in the complete annihilation of mankind if not for the formation of the dragonlords." Green wood snapped loudly in the fire and the burst of flame cast an eerie glow behind Gaius' silhouette.
"Only the dragons know the details of how it came to pass, but the purpose is simple enough. The dragonlords were the ambassadors between dragons and men, given the responsibility of resolving conflicts while safeguarding both parties' interests. Their authority was based on their power over the dragons." Gaius continued to pace, studying the goblet in his hand as though it held the story within.
"It worked. There was peace for centuries. The gift was passed down family lines, father to son, only on the father's death. It ensured the continuity of the peace. It worked-" Gaius looked apologetically at Arthur, "-until the Purge. Do you know about the Purge, Merlin?"
Merlin nodded and Gaius continued, "During the Purge, dragons and dragonlords alike were hunted to near extinction. The last dragon, known among his own kind as the Great Dragon, destroyed most of the kingdom as retribution for the loss of his kind."
Was that Kilgharrah? Arthur relayed the question.
Gaius nodded. "I cannot condone what he did, but I understood. Nonetheless, Uther was forced to act to save the kingdom. He found the last dragonlord, a man named Balinor, and persuaded him to call down Kilgharrah for – negotiations." Gaius' tone was one of disdain, and possibly regret. "Balinor agreed… but it was all a trap. As soon as Kilgharrah landed, Balinor was disabled and Kilgharrah was imprisoned. They were to be executed publicly the next morning."
Gaius sat down wearily, still looking at the goblet in his hand. Arthur had the distinct impression that Gaius was avoiding their eyes, ashamed, and it startled him. "I let many things happen during the Purge, but I could not let this pass." The fire cast eerie shadows on Gaius' face, emphasizing his weariness. "I helped Balinor escape and persuaded Uther to keep Kilgharrah as a prisoner until Balinor was found. I saved both their lives by condemning them each to their own hells." He spoke sorrowfully.
Arthur could understand at least part of what Gaius was feeling. Ever since finding out about the prophecy, and meeting Iseldir, he had wondered about Gaius' own past. Until now, Gaius had never revealed any involvement in the Purge.
Gwen said quietly, "At least they lived."
Morgana again cut to the point. "But if Kilgharrah is still alive, then Balinor was never found. Where did he go? Do you know?" Arthur shot her a reprimanding look; couldn't she give Gaius a moment?
Gaius looked sadly at Merlin. "I sent him to my sister."
"You have a sister?" Morgana asked, astounded. Arthur hadn't known that Gaius had family – he'd asked Uther once, a long time ago, which meant Uther didn't know either. The implications brought an idea to mind, there but not yet articulated. He tuned back into Gaius.
"Not by blood. She was a childhood friend. When we met, we were both the last of our families but still young enough to miss them. We spent so much time together that we essentially adopted each other. When I came to Camelot, she stayed on as a healer in a little village. I sent Balinor to her and cut off contact to avoid leading any suspicions to them. The village was in Cenred's kingdom, it was called Ealdor."
Merlin was rigid in Arthur's lap. That name – I think that's where I was born. That's where he took us from! His fingers were digging into Arthur's arm, Arthur's own arm tightened involuntarily. The puzzle clicked together in his mind. "Your sister, her name was Hunith, wasn't it?"
Merlin was glancing frantically between them. Gaius nodded. Merlin froze, his mouth hanging open as he stared at Gaius.
Morgana broke the silence. "Gaius, are you implying that Balinor is Merlin's father? Wouldn't they have told you something as important as that?" Arthur had the sudden urge to shake her – had she missed the blaring implication that Gaius was essentially Merlin's uncle?
Gaius, however, seemed glad to get away from the topic. "I cut off all communications with her for their safety. It would have been even more important to stay away from me once Merlin was born. A male heir to a dragonlord? And his magic would have manifested early on."
Arthur was worried that Merlin hadn't reacted yet, had he caught what Morgana missed? But Morgana kept on speaking. "But if Uther never found Balinor, why didn't Merlin know him?"
Merlin snapped back to himself with a jerk. He looked down, now more angry than sad, and shrugged tersely. He didn't want me. I'm a bastard.
"Don't say that, Merlin," Arthur interrupted, his tone brooking no argument. He was aware that everyone in the room was staring at them but he paid them no attention. He couldn't let Merlin talk like that. "You don't know that. He was a man on the run, he might have had to leave to keep you and your mother safe. It doesn't matter. Your mother loved you. I'm sure he loved you too. That it was Cenred who told you that, that called you that, should make you believe it's not the truth."
Merlin didn't reply, didn't look up. Uncomfortable with the topic, and attention, he asked, what kind of power did the dragonlords have?
Arthur intended to continue the conversation later, but for now he said, "Merlin wants to know about the dragonlords' power."
Gaius seemed to have clued into what was bothering Merlin but mercifully let it go. "They had the power to command the dragons. Whatever a dragonlord commanded, the dragons were compelled to obey."
Arthur was connecting the dots now. "Balinor was the last dragonlord and Merlin's father. The dragonlord power is passed from father to son… inherited on the father's death. Merlin –" he hesitated. Merlin had paled. "But if Merlin – if it worked… that means…"
"Balinor is dead," Morgana finished.
Their eyes were on Merlin, but he didn't seem to be listening. Gaius asked, "What worked? What happened with Kilgharrah?"
Arthur tried to soothe Merlin as he described the incident to Gaius. Morgana pointed out that the dragon had called her a witch. Somehow it had known about her power. When they got to the part where Kilgharrah wanted to take Merlin away from Arthur, Merlin withdrew completely. He crawled off Arthur's lap and curled up on the bed, his magic closing the curtains around him. Arthur let him go, waving off Morgana's concern. Merlin was overwhelmed, but having everyone coo over him would only worsen it. The sooner they finished, the sooner Arthur could give Merlin the attention he needed.
He lowered his voice. "He roared just like the dragon, Gaius. Just like Kilgharrah. And everything halted in that moment. Then it – he flew away. Just like that."
"Yes, then it sounds like Merlin has inherited his father's power. It's lucky that Cenred didn't know." Gaius hesitated. "He didn't know, did he?"
Arthur shook his head. It was unlikely. Merlin himself hadn't known. Looking at the closed off bed, he said, "Perhaps we can discuss this more tomorrow? It's been a long day."
They all looked in Merlin's direction. Quickly, they all took their leave, bidding Merlin goodnight as they walked past. Arthur took his time readying the room and himself for bed. Merlin was a small ball at the edge of the bed. He tried to pull Merlin closer but for the first time, Merlin resisted. Thinking that Merlin wanted some time to grieve for his father, Arthur let him be. He lay quietly, listening for some sign that Merlin was distressed but none came. Sleep snuck up on him while he waited for Merlin to relax.
Muffled screams. Choked sobs. Arthur sat up abruptly, trying to shake off his sleepiness and take in the room around him. The sounds of Merlin's distress came from across the darkened room… the room was pitch black! The candle and fire had burned out and thinking that was the source of Merlin's distress, Arthur jumped off the bed to find a flint. "You're safe, Merlin. It will be alright. I'm going to light a candle. Just wait where you are." Over and over again, he repeated the same words as he lit the candle. He raced to the hearth and dug until he found warm coals.
Having stoked the fire, he slowly approached Merlin who sat huddled in the furthest corner of the room. Despite the light, Merlin was still upset and Arthur panicked a little when he noticed the blood around Merlin's ears and spotting his sleepshirt. He resumed speaking soothingly and hushed Merlin as he picked him up, Merlin refusing to uncurl.
"Merlin, it's me. It's Arthur. You're safe. Hey… hey!" His voice rose in alarm as he realized Merlin was using his fist to muffle his cries. Blood was smeared on his face and had dripped down his arm. Moving closer to the firelight and holding Merlin so close, Arthur could see the scratches – on Merlin's ears, around his neck, on his chest.
Arthur hurried to the fire and set Merlin down on the furs near the hearth. He struggled to pull Merlin's hand away from his mouth, succeeding only to have Merlin claw at himself. He trapped Merlin's hands in one of his and used the other to pull Merlin against him. "Hush, Merlin. You're safe. Calm down. Calm. Breathe." He rocked Merlin to the rhythm of his words. Rocking and rocking until Merlin quietened, hiccupping pitifully into Arthur's shirt. For good measure, Arthur kept rocking him, now rubbing his back but keeping a firm hold on Merlin's hands.
"What happened, Merlin? Was it a nightmare?" He spoke the words into Merlin's hair, breathing in the coppery tang of blood and mentally cataloguing the first aid supplies in his room. Merlin didn't answer.
Arthur waited a few more minutes, watching the fire catch on the new logs and burn brighter. He asked again but still there was no answer. Concerned, he tilted Merlin back, looking into his face. Merlin averted his eyes, there were still tears flowing steadily down his cheeks. Arthur rearranged Merlin in his arms, tightening his hold on Merlin's hands when he tried to pull them away, and finally leaned Merlin against his legs leaving his hand free to wipe Merlin's face. "Merlin, what's wrong?"
When Merlin still didn't answer, Arthur tried another tactic. "Merlin, you're scaring me. If you won't talk to me, I'll have to take you to Gaius. Something is obviously wrong, but I can't help you if you won't tell me."
Merlin's face crumpled anew. He still would not meet Arthur's eyes but he shook his head. "No, you don't want to talk to me or you don't want to talk to Gaius?"
Merlin let out a sob. He shook his head harder. Arthur let out a frustrated sigh – this was exactly the kind of setback he had feared. He had to get Merlin to speak. He started to lift Merlin, as though to take him to Gaius, and Merlin cried out, "No!"
Please.
"Then talk to me, Merlin. What happened?"
Merlin tried to pull one of his hands away but Arthur held on firmly, a task made difficult by the blood slicking Merlin's hand. Merlin let out a frustrated moan and went limp in Arthur's hold. The room was silent for a few more minutes, but Arthur waited.
I'm just like him.
Arthur had no idea who Merlin was referring to and said as much. After one more attempt to struggle, Merlin began to cry in earnest.
Just like Master.
"That's ridiculous, Merlin! You're nothing like him, why would you say such a thing?"
Because it's true.
Arthur wanted very badly to shake Merlin, to shake some sense into him. Instead, he forced Merlin to look at him. "It's not true, Merlin. Now explain yourself."
Merlin's eyes shone.
Arthur was brought back to the eerily still moment after Merlin had shouted for the dragon to stop.
"You have betrayed your own kin, Emrys." Kilgharrah's voice rang clearly in his head and Arthur took in the disappointed tone of voice.
Merlin's anguished voice dispelled the vision.
I made him do it. I made him stop. He had no choice. He's been a prisoner, he is a prisoner and I forced him to obey me. Just like Master used to do to me. I'm just like him!
Arthur held Merlin's face, taking care to ensure his voice was steady, he spoke over Merlin's onslaught. "No. No, Merlin. You are not like Cenred at all. Listen to me. Listen. Listen to me!" Finally, Merlin stopped. "You didn't make him a prisoner. You didn't betray him. You didn't know about your power!"
I used it against him!
"He was threatening us, Merlin! You were scared, I was scared. You didn't know. If he really wanted to help you, he should not have tried to force you to stay. He is the one that should be ashamed."
Merlin tried to shake his head but Arthur held him steady. Me. I'm ashamed. Always ashamed. I hate it. I hate me.
This time Arthur did give Merlin a light shake. "No! No, Merlin. Don't say that!" He took a breath to calm himself. "Kilgharrah is a titanic, powerful, fire-breathing dragon and you are a child, a little boy. No, don't shake your head at me. It doesn't matter that you have magic, you are still just a boy! You did what you did out of fear, he did what he did because he was out of control. Would you rather have been separated?"
No.
Arthur wiped Merlin's face again and ran his fingers soothingly through his hair. "It was not a good situation, Merlin. It was a shock for all of us. No matter what way I look at it, we needed to get away, to calm down, and the dragon wouldn't let it happen. We all overreacted, but Kilgharrah is just as much at fault here as we are. But he carries the most influence – by size, by power, by wisdom – and yet he lost his temper first."
But he said I betrayed him.
"He's been alone too long, Merlin. Alone with his sorrow and his anger. You're lucky, Merlin. You escaped and you have me now. You have all of us. If the dragon really is your kin, if he can be our ally, then maybe we can help him the same way."
He won't want to talk to me anymore.
"Patience, Merlin. Give him some time to calm down. If he really is as wise as a dragon, then he will recognize his own overreaction. Maybe then we can visit him again, and talk to him."
Though Arthur had released his face, Merlin still stared up at him. Would you set him free?
He waited desperately for Arthur's answer. Arthur very deliberately let go of Merlin's hands. "That's not something I can answer completely yet. I don't know enough about the situation or about Kilgharrah to make a sound judgment. He hurt a lot of innocent people and destroyed countless more lives, Merlin. Dragons are not meant to be chained underground but I can understand the desperation that drove my father to capture him." He took Merlin's uninjured hand gently. "But, if he promised not to continue seeking revenge, to not hurt anyone in Camelot, yes."
Merlin looked down at his hands, bringing back Arthur's focus to Merlin's injuries. He decided to check Merlin for wounds and use the time to articulate what he wanted to say. He shifted around until he could stand to retrieve the wash basin and other supplies.
He never wanted to hear Merlin talking about himself that way again but he had no idea what to say. What could he do to prove to Merlin, to make him believe, that he didn't deserve his self-hatred? Merlin was too young to hate himself! It seemed ridiculous, comical in a cynical way, that such a small boy could hate himself with such conviction. And to act on it? It wasn't the first time Merlin had hurt himself, and Arthur found himself questioning if Merlin really had been acting in his sleep on those other occasions.
This was a serious matter and one of priority. He decided to consult Gaius and Leon before talking about it with Merlin.
Gently, he began to clean the blood from Merlin. As the blood was cleared, numerous scratches were revealed. Some, especially around his ears, were already scabbed. Arthur had forgotten to check those earlier after the incident with Kilgharrah. The scratches were deepest around Merlin's neck. As he cleaned those, he clucked disapprovingly. The worst, of course, was Merlin's hand. The bite marks were not deep enough to warrant stitches but Arthur would need to show Gaius in the morning.
He took great care in modulating his tone. "Merlin, I'm not angry, but I want you to promise me that you won't hurt yourself again, no matter how upset you feel."
I'm sorry. Merlin bowed his head, ashamed once more. Arthur tilted it back up. "Don't be ashamed, Merlin. I'm worried for you. Promise me? Promise me that you won't hurt yourself again? You can talk to me. Wake me up if I'm asleep. Scream, shout, cry, whatever you do, don't hurt yourself, please." Merlin reluctantly met his eyes. "Promise me, Merlin. This is important. Please?"
Staring straight into his eyes, Merlin finally nodded. I promise.
As he dabbed ointment over the scratches and welts, Arthur came to a decision. It was true that they had all overreacted, himself included. He was trained to be diplomatic, to defuse tense situations and find compromise. He had failed in his duty, failed Merlin, but he could fix it. Or at least try.
Merlin helpfully moved around so that Arthur could bandage him and change his sleepshirt. The candle had burned low so Arthur gave Merlin a new candle to light while he banked the fire. When he turned back, he found Merlin on the bed, looking thoughtfully at his bandaged hand. "Merlin?"
Merlin looked up and shook his head, patting the bed beside him. The little knight appeared out of thin air and settled next to the candle. Arthur dutifully got into bed, feeling Merlin lie close hesitantly. He reached out and pulled Merlin closer until Merlin rested his head on Arthur's chest. He rubbed Merlin's back, watching the candle burn lower. Merlin settled into a fitful sleep and Arthur gently nestled him into a nest of pillows, patting his back over the covers.
When he was sure that Merlin was deeply asleep, Arthur slipped out of bed, carefully tucking the blankets around Merlin. He made sure the fire was banked as he wrapped himself in his cloak.
Silently, he slipped out of the room, hoping his plan would work.
Yeesh! So much angst! Blame it on the lab tech that's been playing 2000s teen angst music (which I love) and all the hours I've spent in the lab in these first 2 weeks of school. 3 weeks. What day is it?
Alas, mersan123, there is no interesting story - just soapy water and slick metal. Maybe I should invent a better story? Knife fight in a bar? A samurai bar!
As always, thank you for keeping up with the story and leaving your comments. I love hearing your theories and thoughts. Your reviews mean the world to me!