Ugh, I just want to sleep for 10 days. I've not been getting more than four hours a night. But! On the bright side, since I've been awake for so many hours, I managed to write another chapter! Enjoy :)
When Merlin woke, it was to see Arthur being outfitted in his armor by George by the light of the fire. Merlin rubbed the sleep out his eyes to pay attention as the different layers and pieces were arranged over Arthur's body. Arthur held still as George tightened straps and tugged to make sure the pieces were secure.
Maybe one day, Merlin could be the one to do this for Arthur.
It was still dark outside but Merlin could hear horses in the courtyard. Arthur had said they would be leaving early. He fought back his sadness. This was Arthur's duty. He wasn't abandoning Merlin. He had to protect Camelot… and he would be back.
He promised.
And Merlin had enhanced Arthur's mail and armor. It was one of those rare times when Merlin was grateful for having had to learn such spells. He could see the traces of his spells on the armor and mail as it shifted when he moved. Arthur would probably feel the difference in it soon enough. It would feel a little lighter, less constricting, and less chafing, but it would hold against anything short of targeted magic. Of that, Merlin was sure. It was the least he could do.
When Arthur was ready, he sent George ahead with his pack. He approached the bed quietly and Merlin stirred to let him know he was awake. "Good morning, Merlin. We're heading out now. Guinevere will come for you sometime after daybreak with breakfast. You'll behave while I'm gone, right?"
Merlin nodded. Arthur gave him a small smile. "You always behave, Merlin. I don't have to worry about that." His expression turned serious. "If you have a bad day, just tell Guinevere to bring you back here. Remember what we've talked about. Take deep breaths and just remember that you are here, you are safe, and you are not alone. If it helps, you can visit Kilgharrah. Just make sure you are not seen." Arthur lifted Merlin up and hugged him tightly. Merlin returned the embrace whole-heartedly, ignoring the uncomfortable armor in the way and his shoulder protesting the movement. "You could stay with Morgana, if you don't want to sleep alone." Merlin shook his head. Fine here.
He was fine here – this room was filled with the essence of Arthur. He wanted to stay where he could at least pretend Arthur was with him. Where he knew Arthur would return. He fought back his tears but a small hiccup betrayed him. Arthur hugged him tighter. Merlin tried to memorize the feeling of safety and belonging.
"Don't cry, Merlin. Nothing is going to happen to me. I'll deal with this threat and hurry right back to you. I'll miss you every moment I'm gone, but you know what they say. Distance makes the heart grow fonder."
Merlin could feel his tears leaking despite his best efforts but he forced himself to smile at Arthur. Maybe they meant less distance. Arthur chuckled.
He held up a key and wrapped Merlin's hand around it. "Your key. I know you don't need it, but it's yours. I've left one for Guinevere as well. Guard it well, Merlin." Merlin reverently pressed the key to his chest.
He placed a kiss on Merlin's forehead before tucking him back into bed. "This isn't goodbye, Merlin. I'll see you in a few days."
His sadness grew as he watched Arthur leave. As soon as Arthur was gone, he ran to the window, struggling to throw it open despite the chill. It was too dark to see but he could hear the knights mounting up. Before they set off, Merlin heard the knights say together. "Keep an eye on the horizon for us, Merlin!"
He laughed out a sob and even though it was dark, he waved back in reply. When the sounds of their departure faded, Merlin ran back to the bed, buried his face in Arthur's pillow, and cried.
He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, Gwen was bustling about the room. He rolled over and pulled the covers up.
"Merlin?"
Gwen sounded worried. It was enough to make Merlin peek out. She leaned close to him and rested her hand on his head. "You miss him, don't you?"
Merlin nodded and she smiled kindly. "I would tell you not to be sad, but I know it's not that easy. Instead, I will ask you this: Arthur wouldn't want you to be sad, would he?"
Merlin could feel his face forming a pout so he bit his lip to stop it. Gwen was right; Arthur always wanted Merlin to be brave. He would want Merlin to be happy and it wouldn't help anything to make everyone worry about him. After the past few days, he didn't want to get in anyone's way. Making up his mind, he reluctantly sat up and offered Gwen an apologetic smile.
"There's a brave boy. Let's get you up and feed you some breakfast. Cook sent up a treat for you!"
Despite missing Arthur, Merlin felt ten times better with Gwen around. She didn't hover over him like Mary did, just handed him things as he needed them. She kept up a steady stream of talk – something he'd wished Mary would do because it made him feel normal. He didn't know most of the people or places she mentioned, but just being told about them made him feel like he belonged. He liked that Gwen didn't treat him with as much deference – even let him help her tidy the bed, let him jump on it for a bit, and sat with him while he ate.
"What would you like to do today, Merlin?"
The question caught him off guard. He shrugged – he didn't really care as long as he didn't have to play anymore. Gwen looked conflicted so he braced himself and said, "What d-do you want t-to d-do?" It was hard to speak out loud still, but much easier than trying to talk to Mary or Uther. He wondered, would it ever be as easy for him to speak out loud as it was to project to Arthur?
Gwen winced. "Well, I had some errands to do, but they're probably not important now. The steward's attention is going to be split for a bit what with things getting postponed. Everyone will be focused on helping the refugees for now. There will be a lot to do for them. We have to find places for them to stay, make food for them… oh, and I'm sure Gaius will be busy treating them. The steward will have rearranged responsibilities…"
Rearranged because Gwen had been asked to watch Merlin. He frowned. "I d-didn't mean to g-g-get in the way."
Gwen hushed him right away. "You are not in the way, Merlin. Don't say that! I didn't mean to make you think that." She patted his hand warmly and Merlin felt a little better. "I just meant that the steward will have had a plan for today, more Yule preparations. But with the arrival of those villagers, well, we have to take care of them first. Of course, they're more important. It's a good thing, really! But the other things will still need to get done. And some are more urgent than others…" Gwen seemed lost in thought, maybe thinking of all the work that needed doing.
Merlin made his decision, suddenly. "Let's help!"
Gwen looked at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"
Merlin didn't miss her eyes tracing his sling with concern. He swallowed, bracing himself, because the more he spoke the more his throat hurt with memory-pain. His voice was only a whisper, "I want t-t-to help-p. You would help if you d-didn't-t have to b-b-be with me."
Gwen's eyes were shiny and Merlin worried that he said the wrong thing. She took his hand. "Oh, Merlin. You sweetheart!" She thought for a moment, biting her lip. "How about this: I'll pack up a rucksack for you, some snacks, maybe a book or a toy? Then you can come with me while I help out and you can keep busy but be close to me. Would that be fine for you?"
Merlin nodded eagerly. He had hoped to help too, but he knew that he was little and would just be in the way. Gwen was just too kind to tell him. It would be enough for him just knowing that he wasn't preventing others from doing their duties. As he drank his cider, Gwen found a small pack for him. She placed a small blanket in it, in case they had to sit in the cold, she said. Merlin raced about the room, picking items to take with him. He made sure to hide his key when he found it. He took a few carved wooden figures and the smallest book in his stack. Once he was done, he pleaded with Gwen to be allowed to carry the pack. She was concerned about his shoulder, but it hardly hurt anymore! The only parts of Merlin still sore were the bruises on his chest and back – but he wasn't about to tell her that. It was one thing to have Arthur rub balm into them, he couldn't have a girl do that! Besides, Merlin was perfectly capable of carrying the sack. She relented eventually, after he managed to say 'please' aloud, and they set off.
On their way through the castle, Merlin walked closer and closer to Gwen until he was almost completely hidden in her skirts. Every maid they passed would coo and squeal. They had done that before, but Merlin couldn't understand why. Yesterday, it was the sling but the only new thing today was his rucksack. The attention made him shy away – which only attracted more attention. Even Gwen had a smile on her face when she watched him going down the stairs. It was easier to be brave about it when Arthur was with him. People didn't try to touch him as much when Arthur was holding him. He keenly missed being held tight in Arthur's strong arms.
They made their way to the courtyard and Merlin was happy to spot Gaius among the crowd. He raced forward and bounced in front of Gaius to catch his attention. "Oh! Merlin! Hello! Don't you look like the rugged adventurer with your pack!" Merlin bounced happily, feeling the pack bump the back of his calves. Gwen caught up to them. "Guinevere, where were you off to?"
Gwen patted Merlin's head fondly. "Well, Merlin was worried about all the work that needed doing. He said it would be alright if I helped out down here. We packed some entertainment for him."
Gaius favored Merlin with a fond smile. "Good lad. Perhaps I can help you. I've just finished my rounds here and was on my way to check on those in my chambers. You're welcome to come with me, Merlin. You could help me or read in the back room. Then you won't have to chase after Gwen all day. What do you think?"
Merlin glanced between them. Gwen would be more efficient without Merlin to worry about… and Merlin did like the idea of being able to hide in the back room. It was quiet there and maybe he would even be able to study more healing spells if he kept the door closed? He nodded and took Gaius' hand.
Gwen crouched down next to him. "I'll bring you lunch and we can all eat together. Thank you, Merlin." With one last pat, she turned to look for the steward.
Merlin followed Gaius, listening as he described what needed doing upstairs. Unlike Gwen, Gaius listed things that Merlin could help to do. He was excited about being able to help! Sore as he was, he bounded up the stairs but had to come back down to help Gaius up. Gaius' bones made funny sounds as he took the stairs slowly and he had to lean on Merlin for balance. It made him giddy, knowing that he could help his uncle!
The room was a little less crowded than yesterday. The windows were open to keep the air circulating even as the fire roared to keep the room warm. Merlin settled his pack and cloak in the back room and skipped hurriedly back to Gaius' side. After having his shoulder checked, and Merlin insisted it didn't hurt (much), he was allowed to take off his sling for a short period. Gaius showed Merlin the different supplies and set up a stool to help him reach the stock of medicine. He tested Merlin a few times (Merlin got everything right, of course!) before moving to the first patient.
"Good morning. Toby, is it?" The man nodded. "This is Merlin. He's going to be my assistant today. Say hello, Merlin."
Merlin waved, resisting the urge to hide. Gaius leapt right into physician mode. He gave Merlin a list of supplies to bring and Merlin raced to fetch them. He glowed with pride when Gaius nodded approvingly after inspecting his tray. He presented the vials to the patient and took them back when they were empty. Then he brought fresh bandages. Gaius checked Toby's back, where he had a long, rectangular burn. Seeing Merlin's concern, Gaius explained that Toby had been trapped by a burning beam when the creature attacked. Merlin watched, wincing, as Gaius applied new ointment and changed the bandages. He hadn't read any healing spells for burns yet, but he didn't think he would have been allowed to use his magic anyway. It would be so much less pain! Merlin offered a small smile to a pale Toby, a smile that widened when Toby smiled back.
The next few patients were all similarly hurt – as in not by the creature itself. One woman had been hit on the head by a man flailing around with a pitchfork – the same man that they later treated for nasty punctures on his foot. Merlin ferried supplies, taking care to not overload his arm. No one questioned his helping Gaius and everyone was polite to him. There was an awkward moment early on, when a kindly old lady reached out to touch him and Merlin flinched away reflexively. Gaius easily explained it away, ('he's very shy') but after that the patients were more cautious with him. They didn't reach out to touch him, but they offered smiles more easily and offered kind words for his efforts.
They must have treated ten or so patients before they reached a man Merlin recognized – Eric. He conversed with Merlin easily while they waited for the pain medication to take effect. Gaius explained that infection had set in Eric's wounds and he could not close them until they were healthy. He warned Merlin to look away if he felt nauseous but Merlin knew he would be fine. The sight of wounds didn't bother him as long as he wasn't being threatened with them. He cautiously asked if Gaius was going to be stitching him, miming the stitching motion rather nervously. He tried to look nonchalant, but Gaius caught on anyway, though he didn't mention it. "No, Merlin. No stitching today."
However, he wasn't as fine as he thought he would be. When Gaius unwrapped Eric's arm, he was struck by recognition, his breath knocked out. He leaned closer to be sure, dread crawling over his skin. There were five deep gouges in Eric's arm, leaking pus instead of blood, but they were instantly recognizable.
The man howled in pain as he was flung to the side. He landed beside Merlin and he could see the deep gouges on the prisoner's chest. As he watched, blood welled up and spilled over. The man was pleading for help, but Merlin was too weak to move. He tried anyway but pain exploded in his chest and left him trying to see past black spots in his eyes. When he could focus again, the man was pinned and it was preparing for the final strike, waiting on the command -
"Merlin?"
Merlin looked up at Gaius. He moved his mouth but no sound came out. He felt too hot, suddenly, and too cold at the same time. He was sure the people in the room were all watching him but he was too ashamed to look and closed his eyes. I'm safe. I'm in Camelot. I'm not alone.
Gaius frowned. "Do you recognize this, Merlin?"
Merlin met his eyes and nodded which deepened Gaius' frown. Gaius nodded in reply but said, "Fetch me another jar of balm and another roll of bandages."
Merlin frowned. He needed to tell Gaius what he knew but Gaius shook his head at him. Merlin figured Gaius wanted to finish treating the man first and obediently fetched the supplies. He very deliberately avoided looking up, not wanting to get any pity. He could see enough of Eric to know the man had stiffened and was probably staring.
Gaius finished treating Eric before leading Merlin to the back room and carefully shutting the door. He sat on the bed and Merlin stood in front of him. "What is it, Merlin?"
Merlin fetched the copy of his list from the desk. He pointed.
Gaius frowned. "You think it was a griffin? Merlin, those are incredibly rare and have not been seen in Camelot for many years."
Merlin shook his head. His heart was pounding, anticipating punishment for speaking Master's secrets. His voice failed him and he breathed out the words. "He had one. M-m-master." Just saying so had Merlin shivering in fear, even though Master was nowhere near. This time, he couldn't stop himself from checking over his shoulder to make sure. He took a deep breath and repeated his mantra. I'm in Camelot. I'm safe. I'm not alone.
Gaius' expression was carefully frozen. Merlin fidgeted anxiously, and when Gaius didn't say a word, he reached up to point to the last line in the section. It hadn't been in the book, but Merlin knew. He had written it down because he knew.
Can only be killed with magic.
Gaius took his hand. "They'll be fine, Merlin. They are trained knights."
Merlin shook his head, he knew. If it was Master's griffin, the knights wouldn't be able to hold it off. It was trained to fight knights. It would hurt them! Gaius had just said griffins were incredibly rare – this griffin was most likely Master's griffin. Merlin bounced on his toes but Gaius held him firmly. "Arthur knew it was a possibility. He'll come back here. He wouldn't want you anywhere near the griffin, especially if it might recognize you."
"B-but- "
"No, Merlin. No buts. Arthur will come back. All we can do in the meantime is make sure we have an answer for him when he returns. You can help me research again and I'll let Uther know to prepare reinforcements. You'll be safe here."
But he needs me! I know the spell! Merlin wanted to say but Gaius' tone was final. He had to admit he knew the required spell, but he didn't want to have to explain how he knew. He braced himself.
Someone knocked and called for Gaius. A patient needed his attention.
Merlin was left alone in the small room to face his thoughts.
If it was just any griffin, the knights could hold it off. They would still require magic to kill it but they could fight it off. But if this was Master's griffin… Merlin knew, firsthand, that it was trained to fight. It was so lethal that Merlin had been hard-pressed to hold it off, even with magic! Even Mordred wasn't able to protect a whole squad alone, not yet. That's why they practiced with prisoners instead of soldiers!
There may be eight knights out there, but they would still need magic. They needed Merlin.
He knew how to hold off the griffin. He knew – he knew the spell. The spell to kill it. It was like Uther said – it was his duty. He had to protect Arthur. He had to! It was his destiny!
But could he get to Arthur in time?
No, that wasn't the right question. He would get to Arthur. He just needed a plan. He sank into his meditative pose and concentrated.
It came together more easily than he expected. During their midday meal, Gaius told Gwen what they knew. "You know, Merlin, you're welcome to sleep in the back room if you want. That way you could help me with the research and you wouldn't be alone at night."
Merlin hesitated only a moment before accepting. He was afraid Gaius suspected his intentions but this was convenient for Merlin as well. It would be easier to carry out his plan. When Gwen left, she promised to return with some clothes for Merlin. Gaius helped Merlin back into his sling, having deemed that Merlin had exercised it enough.
"Uncle Gaius?" He spoke quietly, ensuring no one else could hear him.
"What is it, Merlin?"
"C-can I go visit Tidbit? P-please?" He tried to look as innocent as possible. Gaius knew that Merlin was given riding time nearly every day. Having missed it for a few days, it would seem normal for Merlin to want to visit Tidbit.
"I don't think you can ride with your arm in a sling, Merlin."
Merlin shook his head. "Just visit."
Gaius gave him a discerning look but gave him permission. "Do you want me to walk you there?"
Merlin shook his head.
"Don't be gone too long, Merlin. Are you sure you don't need company?"
Merlin nodded emphatically. He knew the way to the stables!
And besides, he needed to do this alone. He set off confidently and as soon as he was out of sight, he hurried forward. He went to the kitchens first, being careful to stay out of sight. He needed provisions!
This next part made him feel uneasy with guilt. He needed to take food for himself. He knew Arthur's planned route and it would take at least a few days to catch up. He didn't want to have to go hungry all that time.
But that would mean stealing food.
He tried not to think about it.
Luck was on his side. The baker's apprentices were unloading fresh loaves from the ovens. Merlin snatched one from under the table but in his hurry, (and because they were hot!), he knocked three more down. He hurriedly pulled them under the table before he was noticed. Glancing around, he sneakily pulled an empty flour sack to himself and placed the loaves inside. Heart pounding, he snuck into the pantry and grabbed a hunk of cheese. The sausages caught his attention but when he pulled one, a whole string of them came down. Afraid of getting caught, he took the lot and raced back to his hiding place. He fit everything in the sack and contemplated a way to leave without being noticed.
He decided that he couldn't risk getting caught with the food. Not only would he be in trouble for stealing, but they would figure out his plan! Fretting, he sat for a minute, trying to discern a pattern where he might be able to slip out. There was none, and he couldn't afford to waste time. He let his magic burst out and raced out of the kitchens, dodging around frozen servants. Once out, he released the spell and ran to the stables.
He waited until Henry was distracted to sneak in. He had to hush Tidbit's greeting. We have to be quiet Tidbit. We're on a secret mission! He wasn't sure that Tidbit could understand exactly what he told him, but the pony always seemed to understand the gist of his words. Indeed, the pony instantly became more serious. It edged closer to the entrance, as if to keep watch. Merlin pulled his saddle down from the wall – only to realize he didn't have any saddlebags!
It made sense. He didn't think ponies were meant for long journeys but this was serious! He snuck to the back where the tack room was located. There were a lot of saddlebags and blankets, but none the right size for Tidbit. Well, he'd already used magic once! He hauled a set of saddlebags and a blanket back into Tidbit's stall. Tidbit, cover me! Tidbit obediently blocked the stall entrance and Merlin called his magic forth. He didn't know a spell for this so he did what he always did – he wished. The saddlebags shrank in his hands. Proud of himself, Merlin packed his provisions inside one side. He snuck out to look for provisions for Tidbit. He hauled in a sack of oats and packed them in the other side. He rolled up the blanket and tied it on top.
There! That took care of food for the both of them. What else did he need?
Clothes? He would take whatever Gwen brought and he was already wearing his warmest cloak. He hoped it wouldn't get too much colder at night. That thought reminded him that Gwen had packed him a blanket in his rucksack. He would have to remember to bring it with him.
As he racked his brain, a stable boy dumped a bucket of water into Tidbit's trough.
Of course! Water! Merlin went back to the tack room and pulled down two waterskins. He filled them from the trough and packed them away as well. That was all he could think of to take. He supposed that ponies didn't drink from waterskins when traveling. He would have to find places for him to drink. He thought about sneaking up to Arthur's room, to check the map, but ultimately decided against it. He was bound to cross a river or creek at some point, even if he didn't follow Arthur's exact route. He spread hay over the bags to hide them from easy sight. Hopefully, no one entered the stall!
I'll be back later, Tidbit. Tidbit nuzzled him one last time before letting him duck outside. Guard our bags!
He hurried back to Gaius' and tried to look tired. If he could work the next part of his plan quickly, he would have a few hours of daylight left to ride today. Gaius was distracted when he arrived, so he sat quietly. He took the opportunity to pocket a few empty vials. He laid his head on the table and waited.
"Merlin?"
Because his eyes had been closed, he didn't have to work too hard to squint at Gaius. "Merlin, did you fall? You're covered in hay!"
Merlin glanced down at himself, genuinely surprised. He really was covered in hay… and flour… and dirt? When did that happen?
His confusion worked to his advantage. Gaius was truly concerned now and checked Merlin's head for bumps. Merlin steeled himself. "M-my head hurts."
"Did something happen, Merlin? Did you fall or knock your head?" Merlin shook his head. Gaius pursed his lips. "Did you have a flashback or panic attack?" Merlin shook his head. He hadn't expected so many questions. Gaius checked his eyes once more before picking out a vial of headache tonic. "Take this. It will make you sleepy but it is mild." He handed Merlin a second vial. "If your head still hurts after a few minutes, take this one, but only if you don't feel better. It will put you to sleep for the rest of the night. Do you feel nauseous?"
Merlin shook his head. Gaius studied him a moment longer. "I put some books in your room if you feel up to reading. Best get on the bed in case you fall asleep. I'll check on you before I take Uther his tonic. Go on." He helped Merlin off the bench and pointed him toward the room. Merlin tried not to hurry. He tripped on the last stair which had Gaius frowning in concern.
He left the door halfway open. He hid the full vials under the bed and placed the empty vials on the table. He spotted his clothes in a neat pile on top of his rucksack. If he packed them now, Gaius might get suspicious. Figuring he may as well read, he carried one of the books to the bed and settled down to read. He was anxious to get going, but he needed to wait until Gaius left first.
He was on his belly, reading about healing concussions when he felt Gaius approaching. He flopped down as he was to make it look like he'd fallen asleep while reading. He slowed his breaths and relaxed his limbs. Feigning sleep was something he'd mastered a long time ago, completely out of self-preservation. Arthur always seemed to be able to tell – but hopefully Gaius didn't.
He heard Gaius enter. Footsteps rounded the bed and stopped beside him. The vials on the table clinked and Merlin felt Gaius' hand on his forehead. It was harder to remain limp while he was being touched but he forced himself to think it was Arthur and managed it. Gaius sighed, and pulled Merlin upright to slide the book out from under him. Then, he turned Merlin over and tucked him properly into the bed, pulling off his boots and cloak in doing so.
Merlin felt his guilt climb when Gaius pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Sweet dreams, Merlin."
He waited until he heard Gaius leave and the sounds outside died down before opening his eyes. Gaius had left the door cracked open just a bit. Merlin got out of bed and redressed himself. He pulled out his toys and books from his pack and hid them under the bed. Stuffing his clothes in, he shouldered the pack and adjusted it until it didn't pull on his sling. Taking one last look around, he stood with his back to the door.
It had been a while since he cast the shadow spell but he'd spent so much time studying it, he would never forget it. He'd never gotten the hang of it, not like Mordred, but it would be enough. It had to be. He incanted mentally and mouthed the words. It took him two tries, concentrating as hard as he could the second time. He held still as he was hit by the unpleasant sensation of something peeling away from him.
When he opened his eyes, he was looking at a perfect replica of himself. Shivering at the uncomfortable feeling, Merlin pushed his replica onto the bed. He tucked it in on its side and pushed the eyes closed. Mordred's shadows were much better, he could get them to follow his instructions but Merlin's were more solid and longer lasting. That's all he needed.
He hated doing this, tricking Gaius, but he had to get to Arthur. They wouldn't let him leave alone, wouldn't let him leave at all, so he had to do this. It would give him time to get away before his absence was noticed. He just hoped they didn't chase him down.
In the doorway, he anchored the spell. It would fade after many hours, probably sometime during the night. Calling his magic up, he froze time and escaped to the corridor before releasing it. He ran all the way to the stables, rushing straight into Tidbit's stall. He found it impossible to saddle him up one-handed, much less lift the full saddle bags. Frustrated, he let his magic do it for him, tightening the final straps himself. He mounted up and considered casting a shadow spell for Tidbit as well, but it was too much. He needed to save his magic for other things. He had to hope no one would notice that Tidbit was gone.
Before setting off, he cast one more spell. The glamour settled over him like a prickly blanket. Tidbit shifted nervously under him and Merlin soothed him. The spell didn't make them invisible but it made them unnoticeable. No one would give him any thought as he passed. It would let him pass the guards unchallenged and they would be able to honestly answer that they hadn't seen him leave. Let's go, Tidbit!
Crossing the gate out of the keep caused him only a moment's hesitation. As he passed the guards, he glanced at them nervously but their eyes slid right past him.
It was the final gate that froze him.
It was the last uncrossed boundary of his new home. Though no one had forbidden him from leaving, Merlin felt no desire to leave. Quite the opposite, actually.
From here, he could see the forest beyond the road. Looking at the tall trees reminded him of the last time he'd journeyed through the woods. He remembered how small he felt, how scared. His very being rebelled at the prospect of feeling that way again. Behind him lay certain safety. Ahead of him… anything could happen.
There might be animals. Sir Dionard had told him stories of bears and wolves and boars. And those were just mundane creatures! He'd just spent several hours researching winged magical creatures. Anything could be out there!
He looked out into the shadows of the trees. It seemed to him that they could hide anything. Master's men could be out there. His mantra wouldn't help him out there. He wouldn't be in Camelot. He might not be safe.
He would be alone.
There would be no Arthur, no Leon, with him.
He was just one little boy, on one little pony. Could he find Arthur? Could he really be of any help?
Uther's voice echoed in his mind. It's your duty now, as part of this family, to protect Camelot and her people.
It was his duty now. He had been given a new family. A big brother that looked after him. It was his turn to take care of Arthur. He knew the spell that would protect Arthur and the knights. If he didn't go, they would be hurt or killed. More people would be killed if the griffin came to Camelot. He couldn't allow that. Even if it meant using his magic in a bad way again. To kill the griffin, a voice in his head added.
Even if it meant braving the journey. Even if it means lying and stealing to leave? the voice asked.
He would apologize. He'd pay everyone back with the coins Katrina had given him. Those things could be fixed, but only if he saved Arthur. He was doing this for Arthur, so he focused on that. His memories of Arthur rescuing him were hazy and there were large gaps, but he tried to remember how confidently Arthur had moved through the forest.
How safe he felt in his arms.
Arthur needed Merlin, it was as simple as that, so he took a deep breath and moved.
He passed through the gate unchallenged and set off. Once he was away from the bustle of the city, he incanted a tracking spell. This was one of the trickier ones – there would be no visible signs to follow but it also meant there would be no obvious signs of his magic. He knew Arthur planned to follow the road for a long distance and he didn't want to risk encountering strangers while using his magic.
When he closed his eyes, his magic indicated towards Arthur. Straight ahead. He settled Tidbit into a trot. Caradoc had taught him that it was important to pace horses, especially ponies. He supposed it was a lot like running at a steady pace.
As the sun began to set, he became more and more anxious. Maybe it was because of his guilt, maybe it was because of the all of the memories, but Merlin was suddenly afraid. He began to have doubts. He hadn't considered that he would be spending a night, a few nights, alone, in the woods.
He should have waited for morning. He didn't know anything about spending a night in the woods. What if there were animals? What if something found him?
Tidbit nickered and shook his head, tugging on the reins as if to get Merlin to snap out of it. Merlin leaned down. Shall we ride through the night?
Tidbit nodded. Merlin stroked his mane. Thank you.
It was easier than Merlin expected, especially since Tidbit was doing all the work. It was Tidbit that grounded him, fearless pony that he was. Every sound had Merlin jumping in fright. Shadows in the forest triggered memories of Master's men following him. But whenever Merlin felt like crying, Tidbit caught his attention, his neighs cutting through the memories like a hot knife through butter.
By the time the sun rose, Merlin was beyond tired and still jumpy. He could hear fatigue in Tidbit's steps too. At the next river crossing, Merlin turned Tidbit off the road and scouted for a good spot to rest. With the sun up, his fears last night seemed foolish – mostly. He was still wary of animals, but saw only birds and squirrels. They drank from the river and Merlin fed Tidbit a few handfuls of oats. Not hungry himself, he curled up at the base of a tree, brushing the snow away to create a hollow in which to take a nap. Tidbit settled next to him, surrounding him with his warmth, and Merlin gratefully leaned against him.
They didn't sleep long. A squirrel attempting to get into the packs woke Merlin. He waved it away and sat up abruptly. How long had he slept?
By the position of the sun, it was not yet noon and Merlin felt relieved. He stood up and Tidbit followed. He walked alongside his pony back to the road and a little further until he found a log to stand on. Mounting Tidbit, they set off again at a trot.
Twice more, they stopped for water. Merlin let Tidbit graze for a long while the last time they stopped. He laid back and stared at the clouds in the sky. If he stared long enough, he sometimes felt like he was going to fall right into that big blue expanse. It made him wonder about the ocean. A lot of Katrina's and Morgana's stories talked about it. It was supposed to big and blue, like an endless lake – except he'd never seen a lake either. If it really was so big, it must look like the sky. Maybe Arthur could tell him. He called Tidbit back and mounted.
With dark approaching, Merlin's fears were rising up again. He was tired – exhausted – but he really didn't want to sleep out in the open while it was dark. Worse, they were now completely off the road – Arthur must have turned south ahead. He looked. The mountains, the White Mountains according Arthur's map, were looming high and forbidding. Arthur must be following the ridgeline and Merlin was glad. He didn't want to have to cross those mountains – they were so high!
Any hopes that the previous night would have alleviated his fears were dashed. Merlin was just as jumpy, and perhaps even more so. Tidbit, either because he was tired or because he was infected with Merlin's fears, seemed jumpier too. As the long hours passed, they gradually gained speed, unconsciously trying to outrun the night. The moon was high in the sky when Merlin was nearly frightened out of the saddle.
The night was pierced by a howl. Others quickly joined in. Tidbit whinnied nervously and Merlin couldn't hold back a whimper.
They were far from the road; Merlin took a risk and summoned his fairy light. It illuminated the trees around him but the atmosphere remained eerie. He held his breath even as he broke out in goosebumps. He pulled his cloak tighter around him but it didn't make him feel any safer. Tidbit had halted at the howl but his ears were turning frantically and his nostrils flaring. They waited.
And waited.
He saw movement in the trees. Tidbit whinnied again, pulling at the reins. Merlin got down low like Caradoc had taught him. Run!
As Tidbit took off Merlin heard snarls and the howls began again. They were being hunted!
They raced forward but they didn't lose their pursuers. Merlin caught ghostly flashes through the trees and his imagination ran wild. He had read of things, ghostly things, that could do horrible things. His heart pounded painfully and he clutched tighter to Tidbit.
It wasn't long until they broke out into a meadow and their pursuers were revealed.
Wolves! At least six, maybe more. Merlin's chest seized with fright. Tidbit was flying but the wolves were catching up. They approached a brook and Merlin nervously held on. He had only practiced jumps in the corral, and only over small obstacles. He prepared himself the way Caradoc had taught him, letting Tidbit take control of the jump.
It was easy for Tidbit. Merlin wished he could celebrate, but the prospect was driven out of his head as he heard the wolves scrabble not far behind. By the time they met the woods again, the wolves were nipping at Tidbit's heels.
Tidbit, in full blown panic now, was making horrific noises as he sped impossibly faster. Merlin was just as panicked. Master had a wolf once. He remembered how much it had hurt when it bit him. It never grew to full size (it bit Master and was killed for it). These were so much larger! Tidbit wouldn't be able to outrun them. He was tiring.
They were going to get eaten.
He sobbed. No, he didn't want to get eaten. He had to get to Arthur!
The leading wolf jumped. Merlin ducked low against Tidbit's back and felt the wolf narrowly miss. Another one jumped and he pulled Tidbit to one side. The wolf snapped as it missed, scratching Merlin's leg and catching the whipping reins. Tidbit halted suddenly and for a moment they were free of the pack. They turned as one and sped back, surrounding them.
"Please." The word was lost in the growls. He could see their fangs, the tensing legs.
They jumped.
Please, no! Merlin raised his arms to protect his face and his magic followed. The wolves crashed against the invisible wall of his magic.
His magic! He'd forgotten!
Tidbit screamed and jumped as a wolf latched onto his leg from behind. Merlin waved his hand, words failing him but not his magic, and the wolf was thrown back. He concentrated… and the shield surrounded Tidbit too.
They were safe. He sagged in the saddle in utter relief and wiped the tears from his face. Tidbit was still jumpy beneath him. He petted his head. You're safe now, Tidbit. They can't get you. I won't let them.
He probably wasn't very convincing – he was still shaking himself. But Tidbit calmed, breathing heavily as he stood still.
The wolves kept leaping and pawing at the barrier. Merlin nudged Tidbit forward but held him back from a full canter. The wolves followed, constantly testing the boundary. It kept him on edge, both him and Tidbit. It was hard to keep Tidbit on course. The wolves tried attacking from every possible angle and Tidbit reacted despite the shield. They were followed for what felt like hours. Luckily, they hadn't veered off course when they bolted, but the continuing pursuit was fraying his nerves. Merlin was barely able to hold the tracking spell steady in his mind. He kept hoping to find a village or cross a road, anything to get rid of the snarling wolves. It wasn't until a while later that he realized that being off the road made it unlikely they would find a village.
An eternity later, the wolves gave up. They slowly dropped back one by one until the entire pack disappeared. Merlin didn't trust the sudden quiet – he kept up his shield and nervously kept watch in the glow of his little light. He kept seeing things move in the corner of his eye but when he checked, there was nothing. Tidbit seemed calmer but he, too, kept sniffing the air, his ears turning constantly. When the sun rose, Merlin extinguished his light and looked around frantically for any sign that they were still being followed.
Nothing.
He sobbed in relief, nearly sagging out of the saddle. Tidbit awkwardly sidestepped to keep him on and Merlin leaned down to hug him tightly We did it, Tidbit. You did it. I think they're gone.
Around midday, they reached a small creek. Merlin gratefully slipped out of the saddle and promptly fell. Saddlesore and feeling just a tad overwhelmed, he sat on the cold snow and hugged Tidbit's leg. He used his magic to pull off the saddlebags. He loosened the saddle straps and let the reins drag. Tidbit immediately picked his way to the creek and drank deeply, leaving him to hold himself up. Merlin made sure the shield flexed to encompass Tidbit before digging for a waterskin. He rinsed out the sour taste of his panic and drank deeply.
Tidbit came back to him when his thirst was satisfied and settled down, clearly in need of rest. Tidbit grazed on the nearby grasses and wiggled, moving his leg to a more comfortable position. It drew Merlin's attention and he reached for it. He should have taken care of this earlier! He apologized to his pony but Tidbit only nipped his ear playfully. He supposed that meant he was forgiven.
It was an awkward angle because of the sling and he changed positions stiffly. Tidbit whinnied nervously when Merlin laid his hand on the bite. I can help. He let his magic run free, he didn't know if any of the spells he'd read with Gaius worked on horses so it seemed safer. When he pulled his hand away, the wound was gone. It drained him more than he expected, leaving him shivering.
Satisfied, Merlin leaned against a now calm Tidbit and fed him handfuls of oats, sneaking a mouthful here and there. He looked around - this spot wasn't ideal. They were out in the open, sitting on snow, with bugs buzzing around them but Merlin didn't care. He was shaking and his eyes felt gritty. They'd earned a rest. He anchored the shield spell so it wouldn't dissipate and pulled his cloak closer. He was asleep in a moment.
He startled awake out of a dream, half expecting wolves to be tearing at them. But the clearing was quiet.
And darkening.
Oh no! He'd slept too long! The sun was behind the tops of the mountains, taking its warmth with it and making him aware of his stuffy nose. He reluctantly sat up and noticed that Tidbit was awake and grazing nearby. Did you sleep at all?
Tidbit nickered affirmatively. When Merlin stood, Tidbit followed, jumping and kicking his legs to wake them up. Merlin curled tighter to himself, it seemed colder tonight. He gingerly stepped down on the bank of the creek and splashed his face with the icy water to try to clear his head. He used his magic to pull the waterskins down and refilled them while he was at it. Tidbit nuzzled him when he got back up, pulling him in to hang his head over Merlin's shoulder. Merlin winced a little but was grateful for the warmth. And the comfort. With a final pat, he levitated the bags up and tightened the straps. Ready?
Tidbit nodded, drawing a smile from Merlin. He had the best pony in the whole world!
He walked beside his pony stiffly, desperately trying to rub the gritty feeling from his eyes. The tracking spell seemed to follow the creek, and better yet, it indicated that he was very close now. Maybe if he hadn't slept, they could have caught up! No, he shook himself; he needed the rest and Tidbit was tired too.
He was impatient to ride, but they didn't pass any handy steps that Merlin could use to get a leg up. He desperately kept an eye out for the wolves in case they returned. When it became fully dark, Merlin called back his light. That's when he heard the screech.
He heard it screech behind them. He turned and saw the soldiers do the same. He was in the wrong spot! He had to get around them but they were running now, spreading out. NO! Stay together! Stay -
Tidbit pulled him back into reality with a sharp tug on the reins. Merlin started running forward and held a steady pace for several minutes. He ran into a clearing and stopped, gulping air. There was a lodge! Through the darkness, he saw that a horse was tethered to the entrance and it nickered a greeting to Tidbit.
He held his breath. Could it be Arthur's horse?
Tidbit's response was nervous; he hid behind Merlin. Not Arthur's horse then. He extinguished his little light immediately. Merlin backed away and spotted a snowy lump that looked to be the right height. He slipped stepping on to it –
-and someone stepped out of the lodge.
"Hello?"
Merlin couldn't help it. He whimpered; the voice belonged to a man. Something about it seemed vaguely familiar, triggered memories that Merlin struggled to hold back.
"Hey, wait! You're just a child! I won't harm you!"
He slipped again in his rush to mount until he finally found a grip and mounted. He was startled to realize the man was close now. He reached for Merlin and Merlin whimpered again. He pulled back on the reins.
"Wait! Wait. You – "
He was cut off when a sudden commotion broke the silence of the night. Horses were screaming in the distance… men were shouting.
Merlin felt a cold wash of fear and gasped.
Arthur!
He hurried Tidbit away, ignoring the man's cries behind him. Tidbit raced and Merlin released his shield in favor of speeding his pony along. The commotion was growing nearer, screeches, screams, and yells became more distinct. He heard branches breaking, the clash of metal, water.
What was happening? Merlin was gasping in desperation to be there, NOW.
It took him too long. Too long. He was too slow. What if Arthur was hurt now?
His headlong flight ended in a clearing on a small lakefront – and chaos.
Tidbit reared up on seeing the griffin. Merlin lost his seat and rolled away from Tidbit's hooves, choking in fright. Had the griffin always been so big?
His cloak was stuck under Tidbit's hooves so he pulled it off. He looked around the clearing frantically, searching for Arthur. There was a fire in the center of the clearing and smaller fires dotted the clearing where torches had been dropped. It gave him enough light to see two bodies lying still in the grass.
Gulping, he ran towards them, still looking around.
Someone was flailing around in the lake, another person crawling forward on the ice to reach them and calling out to them. He recognized their voices, Owain and Lamorak. As he reached the bodies, four men were chased out of the trees by the griffin. Merlin watched, horrified, as one was picked up and dropped on top of another. The remaining two turned and faced off with the griffin, Master's griffin, holding the swords and torches out.
Arthur and Leon.
They were backing towards their supplies – reaching for lances – and had yet to spot Merlin. The griffin had yet to spot him too. When it came towards him, Merlin dropped down next to one of the still men – Geraint, still breathing – and held his breath. The griffin picked up the other man, Galahad, and flew towards Arthur and Leon.
It would throw the man at them, forcing them to drop their lances. Merlin had to stop it!
When the griffin threw Galahad, Merlin reached with his magic, caught him and lowered him gently. The griffin was forced to veer off sharply and circle back. The magic drew everyone's attention to Merlin.
Including the griffin.
He backed away slowly. Merlin raised a shield over Arthur (and Leon) even as Arthur cried out to him, incredulous. "Merlin?"
The griffin landed facing Merlin and stalked forward.
"Merlin! Run, Merlin!"
But Merlin didn't need to run. He wanted to, but he knew better. He stood his ground and raised a shield.
To the side, Owain fell through the ice, leaving both knights floundering in the water. Knowing that his shield was protecting him, Merlin turned towards the lake, moving sideways slowly. He reached and dragged the men to the shore, wincing apologetically as he heard them crash through the ice.
Arthur and Leon were still yelling. Merlin turned back to them.
The griffin was sniffing at the shield. No doubt it recognized Merlin's magic. He hoped it would turn away now that it knew Merlin was here. It was a vain hope, he knew. It was more likely the griffin would try one of its trained moves like this was another practice session. The griffin turned slightly, and something shiny caught Merlin's eye as it whipped back and forth. There was a strange ring on its tail that he had never seen before. What was it?
The griffin whipped it at the shield –
-and it shattered.
Merlin froze in shock. He'd never seen that move before.
"Merlin!" Arthur's voice was filled with fear. "Run!" He was too far away to help Merlin. Both he and Leon were running towards him but Merlin couldn't move. He was frozen with fear. The griffin leaped for him.
"No!" Someone appeared from behind him, using a sword to fight it off. They picked up a torch and used both to back the griffin away. It took off. The newcomer turned to face him and Merlin was shocked once more.
"Lance," he whispered.
Lancelot blinked, surprised, before reaching for Merlin. He lifted him onto his feet (when did he fall?) and turned him to the trees. "Run, Merlin!"
Merlin started to run but was yanked back by Lancelot. The griffin had cut off his escape into the trees and Lance engaged it again. Merlin ran in the other direction, screaming when he was picked up by the back of his shirt.
"It's me, Merlin!" Caradoc! Merlin sagged in relief. Caradoc carried him under his arm as he ran and soon enough Merlin was being taken by a new set of hands.
"Lords, Merlin! What are you doing here?" Arthur checked Merlin over and set him down, not giving him a chance to answer. "Stay behind us." Merlin was pushed behind Arthur and he took the opportunity to catch his breath.
Lancelot was backed in their direction and the knights fanned out to help. Merlin stayed behind Arthur, out of the way, and fed more power to his shield. It glowed faintly as it spread over the knights.
The knights kept moving, lances and swords up, until they surrounded the griffin. Before Merlin could incant the spell they needed, it took off.
Or rather, it leaped right over the knights, its talons shearing the shield and getting it off balance. Merlin screamed as it took hold of him (he forgot to put the shield over himself, stupid!). Its grip on Merlin was awkward as it tried to stay aloft with him. He wiggled desperately, hearing the knights call after him. He slipped, not completely free until he felt his shirt tear and he plummeted.
He gathered his wits and rolled with the fall, using the momentum to get him running. It was pure muscle memory… tripping twice after that- that was all him.
He spotted a tree on the edge; it was on its own little knoll, its roots forming a natural sort of den. He raced toward it, falling in as he tripped yet again. The griffin was right behind him, clawing at the frozen earth to get to him. Merlin crawled as far back as he could, trying to catch his breath. His body was sore and his arm was hurting, but it didn't feel like anything was broken.
The griffin kept digging and it was getting closer. The earth further down was softer and it rained on Merlin as he slid back. The griffin tore at the roots that emerged as it dug deeper. He could hear the knights trying to get the griffin's attention. They fired arrows at it and though they bounced off, they succeeded in turning the griffin back. It let out another shriek, forcing Merlin to cover his ears.
The griffin launched into flight but didn't head for the knights. It circled around and picked up Geraint's unconscious body. It was going to pull the same trick! Merlin ran out of his hole in time to catch hold of Geraint. He was so focused on lowering Geraint that he didn't realized the griffin had circled back.
Arthur's voice reached him. "Merlin, watch out! Go back!"
He turned and ran but he was too late. The griffin just managed to catch him with a talon on his sling, pulling him flat on his back. Merlin pulled up a shield, feeling the impact as the creature's beak hit. It swung its tail as Merlin got to his hands and knees, quickly following through the broken shield with a swipe of its paw. Merlin felt a sharp pain on his back as he was flung right into a tree.
He impacted on his chest, his breath knocked out, but thankfully not concussed. He tried to grab on as he fell, but his hands were too small. As he fell down the tree, the bark tore his shirt and scraped his skin. He finally landed on the ground with a thump.
He coughed, trying to remember how to breathe. He managed to turn on his side.
The men had cut off the griffin's path to Merlin but they didn't have the room to maneuver their lances. Caradoc was flung away and Leon separated from the group, drawing the griffin into the open area. The griffin chased him, knocking his lance aside and Leon down. Merlin called up a shield to stop the killing blow but it brought the griffin's attention back to him.
Arthur and Lancelot were beside him. "Merlin, are you alright?" Arthur didn't risk looking away from the griffin.
Lance made eye contact. "Merlin, you know what to do. It's now or never."
As he watched, Lance braced himself behind his lance, ordering Arthur to do the same. Arthur scowled but did as he was told. The griffin was almost upon them. "Say it, Merlin! Now!"
Merlin mouthed along with his internal incantation. The griffin prepared for its leap. On the second repetition, their lances glowed.
The griffin leapt.
Merlin gave the next repetition everything he had – flames burst along the length of the lances. The griffin tried to rear back and without hesitation, Lance stepped in with his lance, catching it in the belly. Arthur followed with a thrust to the heart.
The griffin exploded with an ear-splitting shriek. Everyone was thrown back. Merlin hit the tree again.
When he came to, Arthur was over him, patting his cheek gently. "There you are. Are you hurt?"
Merlin didn't answer, he shot right into Arthur's arms and held on for all he was worth. Arthur held him tighter and stood up. "It's alright, Merlin. It's over."
Merlin looked out to check – now that the griffin was dead, he could feel other magic in the area. He couldn't get a grasp on it but he could feel that it was nothing good. Could it be the storm gathering overhead? No, there was something else nearby.
Snow was already falling in the clearing, buffeted by a wind that came out of nowhere. But there was no sign of another magic user or creature. The knights were stirring all around. Owain and Lamorak were leaning on each other as they walked towards them. Caradoc was trying to wake Geraint, Leon the same with Galahad. Arthur's path to the pile of their supplies would take them past Bohrs who was checking his bloodied leg. He peeked over Arthur's shoulder to find Lancelot following.
Merlin turned slightly in Arthur's arms, searching the ground. There were no traces of the griffin left but something repelled his magic – like it was trying to remain unnoticed. He focused on using his eyes. When he saw the ring that had been on the griffin, he levitated it to Lance who took it without a word.
There was a loud groaning noise that had everyone on alert. Arthur stopped moving, searching for the source of the sound. Another loud groan followed by snaps drew everyone's attention to the large tree where Merlin had taken shelter. Too much dirt had been dug out and the tree was falling under its own weight. With another croak, the tree tilted.
And fell. Arthur and Lancelot moved out of the way but Merlin remembered someone that couldn't move yet. He looked.
The tree was going to land right on Bohrs.
There was no time to think, no time to shout. Merlin wrenched himself out of Arthur's embrace and ran forward, tripping but always moving forward. With both hands, he called up a shield and braced himself beside Bohrs.
When the tree landed, the impact drove Merlin to his knees and bowed him over. His hurt shoulder wanted to give but his magic held his arm in place and he was breathless with the pain of it. The shield was driven down with so much force that the earth was compacted and they now found themselves in a little crater. He shook and sobbed with the effort of keeping his shield intact, of holding his magic together. The earth responded and relieved his burden enough that he wasn't being totally consumed by his effort. He heard voices shouting, and he managed to open his eyes and look to Bohrs – who was staring at him in utter shock. It reminded him that he had just revealed his magic to all of the knights. Focused as he was on his shield, he couldn't spare a thought for the consequences.
But he couldn't look away from Bohr's eyes, gasping for air against the weight of the tree and the weight of what he had just done. Suddenly, Lance was dragging Bohrs out from the path of the tree and when he was clear, Arthur yanked Merlin away too. Merlin let go.
The final thump of the tree was small, nothing like when it fell on Merlin. His whole body was cold and shaking, his magic feeling just as wobbly. There was still magic in the clearing, and he would have to deal with it, but he needed a moment.
Merlin sagged, spent and so, so glad to be in Arthur's arms.
Thanks for all the love and for continuing to read. One more week of crushing workload and then I can breathe again. For a little while. As always, thank you for your comments and reviews! Know that each one makes my day infinitely more bearable.