(A/N) Well, I finally found the time to finish this... about a year late. Sorry about that. It's always bothered me how I left an unfished story, so here it is.

Chapter 2

Donkey screamed the entire way across the rope bridge as Shrek carried him. It wasn't until the two of them were safely across that he finally started to calm down.

"Oh. Ok were good… were good." Donkey reassured himself.

"See Donkey, Nothin' to be afraid of." Shrek consoled.

"So, where's this fire breathing pain in the neck anyways?"

"Inside… Waitin' fer us to rescue her."

"Haha…" Donkey nervously laughed, "I was talking about the dragon Shrek."

The ogre ignored the ass and made his way into the castle.

"You afried?" Donkey asked as he followed closely behind.

"No… but shhhh." Shrek warned.

"Oh, good. Me neither. Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that." Donkey ranted as the two made their way through the castle, only for him to stumble over the remains of an unfourtunite knight who'd met his untimely death some time before.

"Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs." Shrek told him as he began to put on the knight's armour.

"Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess."

"The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.

"What makes you think she'll be there?" Donkey asked.

"I read it in a book once. No move it! We have to hurry if we want to beat that fishbone and his over grown lizard to the princess."

"Cool. You handle the dragons. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it." He boasted as he turned his gaze towards the wall.

The wall stared back at him.

Meanwhile, Shrek had found himself in the courtyard staring at the tallest tower, "Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the-"

"DRAGON!" Donkey yelled in panic as he barely managed to avoid being burnt to a crisp by the dragon's hot breath.

He ran as fast as he could away from the beast with the dragon snapping at his hooves. Shrek turned to see the two of them running his way and his eyes widened in surprise. It was a large red creature with gleaming white teeth and acidic green eyes… and its mouth was filling with explosive gases.

"DONKEY LOOK OUT!" Shrek yelled as he pushed him away.

The two of them just managed to duck out of the way of the flames just in time, but the dragon continued to make its' way closer towards them.

The dragon burst out into the courtyard and donkey ran screaming, catching the attention of the dragon once again. He could hear the dragon gathering a blast of fire in its' mouth and he dropped to the floor. The heat was almost unbearable as flames passed above his head and he cried out in fear.

The dragon opened its' maw in order to eat the donkey, but found she could not when something strong grabbed onto her tail and yanked her away from her prey. Annoyed she turned her head towards this new disturbance to find an ogre latched onto her tail.

"Gotcha!" Shrek yelled as the dragon lifted her tail and started waving it around in order to shake him off.

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" He yelled as he was waved back in forth. Finally, he lost his grip and went sailing through the sky, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

With the distraction taken care of, the dragon turned her attention back to the donkey, who was now ducking into a nearby passage way and up some stairs. She blew her hot breath after him and Donkey only just managed to outrun it as he galloped onto a nearby stone bridge. With a wave of her tail she broke part of it and cut the donkey off.

"No! No! No! No!" He cried as he turned tail and tried to run back the way he came from, only to find the bridge had disappeared once again, leaving him at the mercy of the dragon.

"Oh, what large teeth you have." Donkey complimented the dragon, which actually made her pasue her attacks, "I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else?" The dragon leaned in closer to him, giving him a better view, "You're… You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty." The dragon was batting her eyelashes at him now, "What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye?"

The dragon blew a smoke ring shaped like a heart at him, "Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh… I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek!" he yelled, but received no answer. Instead, the dragon grabbed him by the tail and started carrying him off. "No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!"

o~0~O~0~o

Hiccup watched the small battle below with mild curiosity, "Well, bud… they seem to be pretty distracted. Shall we go rescue a princess now?"

The Night Fury warbled his agreement and put on a burst of speed towards the top of the tallest tower. It took them less than five seconds before they had successfully landed on the roof.

"Wait here. I'll go get the princess and then we'll whisk her to safety."

Toothless nodded and Hiccup slipped in through a window.

She was asleep. 'Nothing weirder than being in a strange woman's bedroom while she's asleep' he thought to himself.

He rubbed the back of his head as he approached her bedside. She was beautiful, he'd give her that much. It was then that he noticed she had puckered her lips.

"I, Ahh, umm, uh…" he stuttered, trying to form something for his mouth to say in his embarrassment.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"RRRRGHHH"

CRASH!

"AHHH!"

"Umph!" Hiccup grunted in mild pain as two large bodies and ceiling debris landed on top of him. He tried to move, but a green hand was pinning him to the ground.

"DRAGON!" A feminine voice cried out on fear. Hiccup couldn't care less. Right now, he just needed Shrek to get off of him. He was grateful when Toothless rolled him off.

With a grunt, Shrek rose to his feet, while Hiccup fought to regain his breath.

"Well hello princess." Shrek greeted, "Give me just aa second to finish off this beast." He chuckled.

Toothless give the ogre a deadpanned glare and wacked the back of his head with his wing tip.

"Wha'? I was just jokin' around."

The dragon ignored him and turned his attention to his rider who was regaining his footing.

"Don't worry about Toothless mam, he won't hurt you." Hiccup assured the princess.

"You ride a dragon?" She asked.

"Yep. Me and my whole village."

"Wow."

"Alright! Enough gobsmakin'." Shrek interrupted, "Are you Princess Fiona?"

"I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me." She smiled.

"Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. Dragon boy, can ye fly us out of here?"

"Sorry, that's a now can do. Your fall destroyed Toothless' prosthetic tail fin. Were grounded until we can make it out of the castle."

"oh, tha's just great. I guess we're walkin'."

"It would appear so."

Toothless warbled

"Wait, sir knights. This beith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic meeting?" She asked as she waved her arms dramatically.

"Ya… sorry lady, there's not time." Shrek said as he grabbed her arm and dragged her out of bed.

"Hey, wait! What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed."

"Wow, you've had a lot of time ta plan this out, haven't you?"

Not quite sure what to do, she turned to Hiccup for help.

"Sorry Princess, Toothless is out of commission. We're walking." Hiccup turned to his dragon, "Toothless, would you mind doing to honors?"

The dragon shot a plasma blast at the doors and blew them open.

"Thank you."

Instantly the four of them were running down the stairs with the princess protesting. "But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!"

"I don't think so." Shrek answered.

"Fishlegs is the one who writes poems, not me." Hiccup yelled as they ran.

"Fishlegs, who's Fishlegs?"

"A friend who's not here."

"Can I at least know the name of my champions?" Fiona asked as they paused to get their bearings.

"Um, Shrek."

"Hiccup."

"Sir Shrek and Sir Hiccup."

"Chief." Hiccup corrected.

"Chief?"

"I'm a Viking, Chief of the tribe of Berk."

"You don't look like a Viking, much less chieftain material." Shrek quipped.

"Well you make a poor excuse for a knight you grumpy old troll."

"For the last time I am not a troll!"

"Then where's my left socks?"

"You don't even have a left leg!"

"So! They had to go somewhere!"

Fiona rolled her eyes, "Boys, please stop bickering! You're ruining everything! This was supposed to be a lovely romantic moment. Instead you two are bickering like an old married couple."

A roar sounded though the hallways.

"You didn't slay the dragon!" Fiona yelled.

Hiccup rolled his eyes, "Does it look like I slay dragons?"

"He'll take care of it, now let's go." Shrek yelled as he grabbed Fiona's arm and began dragging her off with Hiccup and Toothless following.

"But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did."

"Yeah, right before they burst into flame."

"That's not the point."

"It kind of is!" Hiccup yelled as they jumped over a crack in the floor.

"Wait, where are we going? The exit's that way." Fiona pointed over to their left.

"We'll I have to save my ass." Shrek pointed out.

Mildly disgusted, Fiona glanced over to Hiccup for some help.

"Hey, don't look at me. I came for the dragon, you're only a side quest." Hiccup told her as he followed after Shrek.

"Hey!"

The all heard a voice talking in the next room and sauntered up to the banister. "I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this… Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude."

"There she is." Hiccup whispered as he pulled out a notebook and a piece of charcoal, "I knew it. It's a new species."

"what are you doing?" Fiona asked.

"Documenting. I'm drawing it, approximating size and jotting down any abnormal behavior hat may help in training it."

"Hey, that is unwanted physical contact!" Donkey yelled out from below.

"Apparently this dragon has… romantic tendencies? Thor, this day just gets weirder and weirder."

"Alright, you document, I'll go save the ass." Shrek said as he grabbed a nearby chain.

"Wait! Shrek!" Hiccup hissed, but it was too late, the ogre had already swung off the balcony. Hiccup glanced in the princess's direction, "We might want to start running. This isn't going to end well."

"What, why?"

"First rule of training a dragon, never take a toy away from one."

Meanwhile, Shrek was fiddling with the chain he was dangling from, trying to get the winch it was attached to, to move. With a final yank, it gave way and the ogre began descending, while making the chandelier the other end was attached to rush towards the ceiling. Shrek landed on Donkey, freeing him just before he was about to receive a kiss from the beast. She ended up kissing Shrek on the buttocks instead, shocking him into releasing his grasp on the chain. The chandelier fell and landed on the dragon's head, forming a convenient collar on around her neck.

Quick as he could, Shrek leaped from the angry dragon's lap ran with Donkey following close behind. The soon met up with Hiccup and Fiona who were already on the run.

"Hi Princess!" Donkey shouted.

"It talks?" She exclaimed.

"Ya, its gettin' him to shut up that's the trick." Shrek yelled.

"Still not the weirdest part of my day!" Hiccup shouted.

Toothless roared in agreement.

The path they were running on came to a dead end. It appeared to have crumbled some time ago, making a bit of a rough slide down to the main floor. The would have gone back had the angry dragon not been too far behind. Shrek grabbed Fiona and Donkey and leapt. Hiccup winced in sympathy for the ogre. The stone looked like it hurt. Especially when his sensitive underparts hit a bump in the stone.

He decided to take the easy path and hopped on Toothless, who just glided down to the bottom. "That looked like it hurt." He quipped.

"Oh." Shrek groaned, "Ya, well not everybody has wings." He shouted as they began to run again with the Dragon on their tail. They ended up a ballroom with many pillars.

"This isn't working." Hiccup yelled out as they ran between the pillars.

"Yer right." Shrek yelled as he released Donkey and Fiona and grabbed a nearby sword off of a fallen knight, "Ok you two, head for the exit. We'll handle the dragon!"

"Got any ideas?" Hiccup asked as he withdrew his own sword, which lit itself on fire.

"Show off!" Shrek yelled as he began eyeing up the chain that was still attached to the chandelier around the dragon's neck, "But I got one."

Hiccup turned as Shrek drove his sword through one of the chain links and into the stone.

"Smart. That just might work." Hiccup yelled as he began running towards the exit again with Toothless and Shrek right on his heals.

They made back to the rope bridge just a few paces ahead of the dragon.

"RUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!" Shrek yelled as the dragon blew a blast of fire at them.

No one needed to be told twice as they felt the heat lick at their backs. Hiccup hopped in Toothless' saddle and they both leaped into the air, using the updrafts from the lava to glide across the chasm. When he looked behind them, he was shocked to see the bridge had been consumed in fire and broken. Thankfully, Shrek Fiona and Donkey had all managed to grab onto the bridge as it fell.

Then came the dragon as it rampaged across the chasm, only for the chain to finally reach it's limit about halfway across. And jerked the dragon back to the other side.

With the danger over, they met up on safe side of the chasm.

"You did it! You rescued me!" Fiona cried out in glee to her two rescuers. "You're amazing, you're wonderful, you're… a bit unorthodox, both of you, but thy deeds are great thy hearts are pure. I am eternally in your debt."

"Ahum" Donkey cleared his throat as Toothless sauntered up behind him, gaining the princess' attention.

"And where would these brave knights be without their noble steeds?" She laughed as she stroked donkey and Toothless, earning a purr from the dragon.

"Chief!"

"Oh, I hope you heard that she called us noble steeds. She thinks I'm a steed." Donkey said.

Shrek shook his head and Hiccup laughed.

"That battle is won, you may remove your helmets."

Hiccup, who had forgotten he was wearing his mask, did as he was told. The princess took in his appearance with a smile on her face. He was actually pretty handsome. She supposed they wouldn't be a bad match if she ended up with him instead of Shrek.

Speaking of which, "And you, sir knight?"

"Ah… no."

"Why not?"

"I… I have helmet hair."

"Please, I wouldst like to look upon the face of my rescuer."

"Oh no you wouldn't… tsts."

Hiccup laughed, "Trust me, if you haven't figured it out by now it's probably best if you don't look."

"Well I know this is hardly normal, there being two of you and all. We'll have to have competition of some sort between the two of you but one of you should kiss me. And how would you do that with your helmet on?"

"What!" Shrek took a step back in shock until his back hit a cliff. He looked desperately to Hiccup for some help, "I heard nothin' about no kiss, did you?"

"Nope."

"Maybe It's a perk of some kind?" Donkey suggested.

"No, it's destiny." Fiona told them, "You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besette by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight... or knights in this case."

"Once again, I'm a Viking Chief." Hiccup pointed out.

Fiona chose to ignore him, "And then they share true loves first kiss."

Shrek and Hiccup both shared a look with each other before bursting out laughing.

"Oh boy." Hiccup gasped, "That's a good one."

"You think I could be yer true love?" Shrek asked.

"Well yes... Am I missing something?"

"Oh nothin' too much, just have fun with dragon boy over there."

"Nope. I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole. After she castrated me, my wife would make sure you knew the business end of a sharp axe."

"Your married?" Fiona asked.

"Yes I am. Like I said before, I came for the dragon, not you your highness."

Fiona turned her gaze to Shrek, "Well then Sir Shrek, I await my rescuer to sweep me off my feet."

This only initiated another round of laughter from the boys.

"What is so funny?"

"Let's just say, I'm not yer type, ok?" Shrek answered.

"You can say that again." Hiccup quipped.

"Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now... Now remove your helmet."

"Look, I really don't think this is a good idea."

"Just take off the helmet."

"I'm no-"

Shrek found himself cut off when his head became engulphed by a dragon's mouth. Toothless' to be specific.

Fiona shrieked, "Hiccup, do something!" She demanded.

"Relax," Hiccup consoled as Shrek began trying to pull the dragon's head off of him, "Toothless is a big softy. Shrek is fine."

No sooner had he finished speaking than Toothless' mouth popped off of Shrek's head with the helmet still trapped between his jaws.

Fiona stared in shock while Shrek tried desperately to rid his head of the dragon's saliva.

"Ya, that doesn't wash out." Hiccup decided to point out.

"Oh, tha's just great."

"You're a... an ogre." Fiona finally spat out.

Hiccup scoffed, "Once again, he's a troll, not an ogre. An ogre would have tried killing us long before now."

"I'M NOT A TROLL." Shrek yelled, "Besides, you're the one ridin' a dragon, and yet I don't see you being eaten by it."

"Fair point." He conceded.

"This is wrong. This is all wrong." Fiona started telling herself in a mantra over and over again. She pointed at Hiccup, "You're not supposed to be married." She told him before turnig to Shrek, "And you're not supposed to be an ogre."

"Oh, were you expectin' Prince Charming?"

"Well, yes, actually." She told him before turning her back and walking away.

Shrek sighed, "Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquod, ok? He's the one who wants to marry you."

"well then why didn't he come rescue me?"

"Good Question... Hiccup?"

"Don't look at me, this is the first I've heard of this."

"Oh, that's right. If you did you and yer dragon would have been locked up with all the other fairy tale creatures."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothin'." He turned his attention from the young chief to Fiona, "Now let's go princess."

"No."

"What?"

"I said no. You can go tell Lord Farquod that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting right here."

"Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, alright? I'm a delivery boy."

"You wouldn't dare." Fiona seethed, seconds before being yanked up and draped across Shrek's shoulder. "Ahhh! Put me down."

"You coming Donkey?"

"Ah yep, I'm right behind you." He answered.

"Put me down or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down!" Fiona yelled while punching the ogre as hard as she could. She couldn't do much more than annoy the brute, but she continued on anyways.

"What about you Hiccup. What're yer plans?"

Uh, stick around here for a bit, study that dragon when she calms down and then head back to Berk... Are you sure that's the best idea?" He asked while pointing to the princess.

"Look, I was sent to do a job by the king of this land. I'm not too happy about it either but he is a king with a perfectionist ego. I wouldn't put it past him to start a war over this if you tried to stop me."

"Hiccup turned to the princess, "Fiona?"

"Oh leave me be. I don't want to be the cause of an unnecessary war between you two."

"I'm sorry I cannot do more for you, but I think this is where we part ways. Shrek, Fiona, it was a pleasure meeting you both. Don't hesitate to stop by Berk someday if you're in the neighborhood and if you need anything, just ask. Maybe, give us a bit of a warning first of you do stop by Shrek. You know, a village full of Vikings, big green ogre, lots of bad stories and sharp weapons. Things could end poorly."

"Alrighty, will do. Just make sure to hide the left socks. It will make things more interesting. I'd say the same to you as well, but I only really have a swamp and I like my privacy."

Hiccup laughed.

(A/N) I kind of feel like there should be more to this. I don't believe Hiccup would actually just let the princess go like that, but with Disturbed Reflections still on the go I don't really have the time to continue writing this and I need to finish it. Hope you guys enjoyed it.

-CdnChrgr