Chapter 7

Anastasia

It's been two months since I walked away from Christian and filed for divorce. He is still refusing to sign the papers.

After I left Escala that day he called me so many times that I had to get a new phone and number. I immediately resigned from Grey Publishing, and now I'm just waiting to hear from various publishing houses where I have applied. I found a small furnished apartment a few days later, and Christian has sent flowers every day. Every time I refuse to accept them, hoping he would get the hint that I didn't want see or hear from him—so far it hasn't worked.

As for Mike and me, we are still in the friend zone, but we been spending a lot of time hanging out and just having fun like we used to do. I am so comfortable around him.

The media went crazy about our separation, especially when Leila's name and their affair came out. It seems that someone sent a photo of the 2 of them to the Nooz… for all I know it was Leila's doing.

Kate told me that she turned up uninvited at one of Grace's functions and made herself known to the Grey family.

Christian had to drag her out, and the Grey siblings were so angry at him that Elliot punched him, breaking his jaw.

So far I am starting to get my life back on track, but sometimes I feel so alone and empty.

I don't know what it is, but there is definitely something missing.

"Ana, are you ready?" Mike asks breaking my train of thoughts.

"Oh… yes" I said, getting up from my chair.

We are having dinner at the grand opening of his friend's restaurant.

"Are you ok?" he asks, concerned.

"Yes just thinking about something" I smile up to him.

"I'm here if you need to talk about it" he steers me to the valet.

His car is already there waiting. He opens the door for me and after he gets settled in he starts the car and we head back to my apartment—it's a short drive and we are there in no time.

"Thank you for dinner Mike" I said, standing by my front door.

"Thank you for coming with me" he smiled back

"Goodnight Mike" I reached up and kissed his cheek.

"Goodnight Ana" he turned around, walked to his car and drove away.

I was just pushing my door open when I heard his voice.

"Are you back together?" Christian asked.

"What are you doing here?" I turned around to face him, and I was shocked to see him. Although he was in his usual suit, he looked disheveled.

"Are you fucking him Ana?" he asked harshly, standing too close to me.

I can smell him- he is reeks of alcohol. He was drunk as fuck.

"That's none of your business" I snapped.

"Just fucking tell me" he shouted.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business, but no, I'm not fucking him. Even if I don't remember anything about us, I still remember that I am still married, unlike you, who couldn't keep his dick in his pants" I said harshly to him, and it was like I slapped him across his face. "Go home Christian" I turned away from him, slamming the door in his face.

"I'm so fucking sorry Ana, I don't know how I'm going to live without you" he sobbed on the other side of my door.

I clasped my hands over my mouth, stopping the sobs that are threatening to escape.

"Please Ana tell me what I have to do" he weakly pounded on my door. "I love you so much" he continued pounding his fists on my door, but I just walked to my bedroom with tears running down my cheeks. I fell asleep face down, still in my black dress, tear stains on my face.

Christian

I don't know how I got home. All I remember was sobbing at Ana's front door, pleading with her to take me back and forgive me. I'm a wreck- my whole life is a fucking mess because of my stupid fucking mistakes.

When the news about my affair broke out, a few of my deals backed out, saying they didn't want to work with cheating bastard like me. The last few weeks my business started suffering bad, but I could care less. Tomorrow if I woke up broke I wouldn't care. It's nothing if Anastasia is not with me.

If I could just turn back the clock I would give everything I have to be able to do it, but I know what's done is done, and I cannot fix it.

The pounding in my head is nothing compared to the pain I feel inside of me. Rolling out of my bed I walk to my bathroom and just stare at the asshole in front of me.

What have I done to my life? I had everything a man could ask for, but because I couldn't keep my pants on, I lost everything.

My family is disgusted with me-my siblings can't stand to be in the same room with me; GEH, the company I built with blood, sweat, and tears is suffering horribly and I don't care.

Most of all, the woman who was there for me, the woman who loved me despite all my fuckedupness, the woman I vowed to love, honor, cherish and to be faithful to, I took for granted. I lied to her, cheated on her, disrespected her, and humiliated her. I was so fucking lucky to have her as my wife, to be called her husband, but I ruined everything. I lost everything because I fucked some whore who boosted my damaged ego. I deserve everything that is happening to me. This is my karma

Looking at myself in the mirror I feel so fucking disgusted. I feel a sharp pain in my knuckles- looking down I see blood running down my fist, and I realize my mirror is broken.

I welcome the pain. I fall down on my knees and let the blood flow freely, never trying to stop the bleeding.

I wake up to a beeping sound beside me. When I tried to move I feel the pain in my hand again.

"Christian" I hear my mom gasp. "Oh my dear boy."

I open my eyes to see my mom's face with tear stains on her cheek.

Another woman in my life is now crying because of me.

"Mom please don't cry" I choke out.

"I'm just so happy to see you, I thought I was to lose you" my mom cried, caressing my cheek.

"What happened?" I ask

Mrs. Jones was going to check up on you when she found you on your bathroom floor bleeding. She called Taylor and called for ambulance and Taylor called me. You lost so much blood that we almost lose you" mom cried in my neck.

"I'm so sorry mom, for everything" I blinked away my tears.

"We are still here, we still love you" mom plead.

"I know mom, I know" I whisper.

After my mom calmed down she left my hospital room to go check her other patients.

"What we're you thinking Christian?" John Flynn asked.

"I really don't know, one moment I was looking at myself in the mirror, then next thing I knew I punched the mirror" I shrugged, looking down to my bandage hand.

"You never told me the real reason why you had the affair" John said.

"At the time I felt like my marriage was failing. Ana and I barely saw each other, and we were always fighting…. Then I met Leila. When I first saw her I was in awe of her, I felt so attracted to her…. just thinking about her gave me a hard on. I admit at one point I thought I was in love with her, but it wasn't love, it was just sexual attraction… she gave what I was missing at home and I welcomed it without thinking of the consequences of my actions. She stroked my ego. Leila was so different from Ana. She would accept all the gifts I gave her without arguing, she was so confident and beautiful. Ana hated when I bought her expensive gifts or spoiled her. But that was one of the many things I love about my wife—she loved me for me, not my wealth." I told John the honest truth. I was a selfish bastard.

"Elena always told me that I was a failure, and that my marriage wouldn't last long. I still remember what Ana told me when she first turned down my marriage proposal… she was afraid that I would get tired of her, that she was not going to be good enough for me. She told me what Elena told her on my birthday, that one day I would need more control and she wouldn't be able to satisfy me, and I would go back to my prior lifestyle and leave her broken hearted…and that's exactly what I did- I broke her heart into million pieces." We talked for a while longer until John had to leave.

I looked down at the divorce papers in my hands that I asked Taylor to bring me.

They say that if you love someone set them free-this is me setting Anastasia free, and give her a chance to find her happiness,

Signing my name on the divorce paper is the hardest thing I've done in my life.

Goodbye Anastasia Grey.

I will always love you, my Anastasia.