Author's Note: This chapter is a little shorter than previous ones but I haven't had much time to write lately. Work has been crazy for the past few weeks and its only going to get crazier over the next few days. I decided to post what I had rather than make you wait any longer. Hopefully the contents of the chapter will make up for its brevity.

We're still a week away from the holidays, but I doubt I'll be updating again before then so I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas. Have a safe and happy holiday.

Chapter 12

Being friends with Paige was both easier than Emily expected and harder than she ever imagined.
Paige's days were filled with setting up her classroom and getting ready to start her new job. Emily kept herself busy with reading for her upcoming courses and spending time with the girls. They had coffee at The Brew and lunched at The Radley and went and Paige texted off and on throughout the day, Emily recounting anecdotes or observations from her day, Paige giving Emily the low down on their former teachers. In the evening they would go for dinner, or drinks or hang out at Paige's and watch a movie.

The tentativeness and unease had given way to a quiet comfort and familiarity that was reassuring and confusing in equal measure. Emily was grateful to have Paige back in her life again and loved the fact that they had managed to get to a place where they could talk and laugh and let down their guards around each other. But there were times when she had to stop herself from reaching out to take Paige's hand as they walked, or leaning over to kiss her cheek when they were stopped at a red light, or cuddle up with her when they watched a movie.
For all the ways which their newly forged friendship was special and amazing, there were niggling reminders that it paled in comparison to what they'd once had.

Emily tried very hard to be accepting and happy with what they had. And for the most part she was. But there were times when she missed what they'd once been. She knew better than to push the issue. Paige had asked for time and Emily was determined to give it to her. Despite her occasional displeasure, she knew that it was for the best. Or at least, that's what she kept telling herself. And anyone else who would listen.

Including her mother. Especially her mother. When Emily had told her that she and Paige were reconnecting she had gotten way to excited about the prospect for Emily's liking. She knew that her mom had high hopes that it meant the two of them were getting back together. It was tough to sell her mom on the idea that they weren't when Emily had high hopes for it herself. Which was why she was secretly pleased that her mom had wrangled them both into dinner, even though she had protested at the time. Her parents and Paige had always gotten along so well.

As she watched her mom flit around the kitchen fussing over the pots and pans on the stove and fretting about her outfit Emily began to question her decision. Her mom was more nervous about this than she was. You'd think it was her ex that was coming to dinner instead of Emily's. It was making her start to worry. The last thing she needed was her mom inserting herself into their relationship and making Paige think that this was some kind of setup.
Her doubts only intensified when the doorbell rang and her mother jumped and let out a startled cry. The spoon she was stirring with went flying out of her hand, sending gravy spattering in an arc across the tiles.

Yeah, this was definitely a bad idea, Emily decided. It was too late to do anything about it now though. Paige was here.
Emily left her mom wiping down the wall and went to answer the door. She swung it open to reveal Paige standing on her doorstep holding a bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers.

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Paige she looked good. It was her first instinct to reach out to her, to run a hand down her arm or squeeze her wrist or cup her cheek as she ushered her inside.

She had to keep reminding herself that this wasn't a date, no matter how much it might feel like it, with Paige standing in her foyer dressed in a simple, but stunning, green dress and clutching a bouquet of flowers like she was adrift at sea, and they were her lifeline. It was like they were sixteen again. Emily had to bit her lip to keep from laughing. She wasn't sure who was more nervous about this dinner, her mother or Paige. It was kind of adorable.

Paige shifted uneasily in place and Emily's amusement faded. Replaced by a wave of sadness. She hated seeing Paige so uncomfortable in her house when had once felt so at home here.

Emily couldn't help but reach out. She squeezed Paige's arm gently in an effort to reassure her. She could feel the tension in the muscles under her hand.

"Easy, Paige. You know my mom loves you."

"Your mom used to love me. Before..."

She didn't have to finish the sentence for Emily to know exactly what she meant.

"She doesn't blame you for leaving me," Emily said, voicing the fact they had been dancing around for days now. The relationship had been over for a long time but it had been Paige who had pulled the trigger. At the time Emily had used it as just another piece of fuel for all of her pain and anger and resentment but after she pulled herself together she had realized it was the best thing Paige could have done for the both of them.

"Em..." Paige's voice was soft, pleading with her not to get into this now. As hard as it was not to heed the pain she could hear plainly in that one syllable Emily knew that Paige needed to hear her thoughts on the matter. And Emily needed to say it.

"And neither do I."

"Emily..." Paige shook her head, trying to stem off the conversation or her emotions or some combination of the two.

"My mom's been very clear over the last few years that I got what I deserved when it comes to me and you." Emily ducked her head in an attempt to meet Paige's eye. "And I know that she's right.

Paige swallowed thickly, and did not raise her gaze. Sensing that she had pushed Paige to her limit she backed off.

"I'm just saying that when it comes to my mom, you have nothing to worry about." She gave Paige's arm another soft squeeze and then stepped back, gesturing her into the kitchen ahead of her. This time when Paige skirted around her she wasn't shuffling forward like a man condemned. Emily followed suit slowly to give them a moment to themselves.
By the time she made it into the kitchen Paige and her mother were pulling back from a hug, her mom's hands lingering on Paige's arms as she exclaimed over how good it was to see her.

"Let me look at you." She held Paige at arms length and surveyed her quickly. "You're too skinny," she said after a moment. "Are you getting enough to eat?"

It was the same thing her mother had said to Emily every time she came home from college.

Without waiting for an answer Pam guided Paige over to the kitchen table and gently pushed her into a seat.
"Dinner isn't quite ready, but I have some appetizers. Let me get you a plate."

Paige knew better than to protest. She was no stranger to Pam's obsession with feeding the world. While her mom fussed over Paige Emily put the flowers in water and checked on dinner. She kept half an ear on their conversation as she stirred and flipped. Pam was questioning Paige about her move from California and her new job.

By the time she made it over to the table the two of them were conversing easily as Pam poured them each a glass of the wine Paige had brought. When Emily picked handed her mom a glass of her own, she got a raised eyebrow in response.

"Mom."

"Emily."

"I'm not an alcoholic."

Drinking may have accompanied some of the darker parts of her past but it had never been the issue. It had been her misguided attempt at dealing with the issue. Her mom had been keeping a hawk's eye on her alcohol intake since she'd returned to Rosewood. Her concern was both well meaning and unnecessary. Emily wouldn't go so far as to say she was all better. Her father's death was still hitting her very hard, but she was coping with it in a much healthier manner nowadays. She and her mom had had a couple of nice long talks about him and she'd even made a visit out to his grave. She would never be completely okay with him being gone but she was getting better.

"You know alcohol was never my problem," she said. "My problems were... my problems," she finished lamely. They'd had this conversation a few times now and she didn't want to get into it again right now, with Paige here. Even if the two of them probably should sit down and discuss it at some point. "I'm dealing with them." She was capable of drinking without overindulging. Even if the past couple days might indicate otherwise.

Pam hesitated a moment and then poured her a glass. A much smaller glass than the generous portions she'd poured for herself and Paige. Emily rolled her eyes but accepted her mom's subtle statement without protest.

The three of them sat at the table sipping wine and snacking on crackers and cheese, talking and getting caught up. Pam popped up every so often to check on dinner, waving off every offer to help, until eventually it was time to bring it over to the table. Then she allowed both Emily and Paige to assist in carrying bowls and platters into the dining room.
They dined on roast beef and garlic mashed potato's, her mom's secret recipe, with roasted carrots and homemade rolls. Paige's favourite meal, which Pam had remembered without any prompting from Emily.

The conversation was light and easy. It was almost like old times, when things were still good between them and Paige would join her family for Sunday dinner. The empty chair to Emily's left the only thing that stopped it from being truly reminiscent. She tried not to dwell on it. She tried to focus instead on the wide, easy grin alight on her mother's face, and the sparkle in her eye, which had been absent for far too long. And the way that Paige threw her head back with complete abandon and let out deep, belly laughs. The tensions of earlier completely forgotten as they settled back into familiar comfort. Time could change a lot of things, but Emily was grateful to see that it had not altered their bond.

When they had finished their meals Paige stood and, despite Pam's protests, began to clear the table.

"We got this," Emily said, rising as well. "You cooked, we'll clean up. Why don't you go relax in the living room while we take care of this." She knew it went against her mother's very nature to sit idle while there was work to be done, which was all the more reason Emily was insistent on making her do so. She had gone all out preparing this meal it was the least she could do to tidy up.

Even though Paige was a guest, Emily knew better than to try and persuade her from helping. It hadn't worked years ago and it wouldn't work now.
Reluctantly her mother headed into the living room to "relax" though Emily doubted she would simply sit and wait for them to bring in coffee and dessert.

She and Paige made short work of clearing the table and stacking the plates and serving dishes on the counter.

"So, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Emily bumped Paige's hip lightly as she scraped the meager leftovers into Tupperware containers and then handed the platters to Paige to be loaded into the dishwasher.

Paige chuckled softly. "No. You were right. I had nothing to worry about."

"What was that?" Emily cupped her ear and leaned in towards Paige.

"You heard me." Paige bumped Emily back.

"I'm sorry, for doubting your mom. She's always been good to me. I don't know why I thought this would be any different."

"It's okay."

"And about what you said earlier..."

Emily laid a hand over Paige's, giving it a gentle squeeze when she trailed off.

"We don't have to get into all that." She was sorry for pressing earlier. Even though she still believed that Paige needed to hear it.

"But don't you think that maybe we should?" Paige asked. "We've been glossing over all this stuff from the past. Trying to pretend that everything is fine and we can be friends like none of it ever happened."

Emily's heart seized at Paige's words."What are you saying?" Emily turned so she was facing Paige, who now refused to look at her. She kept her gaze pointedly forward as she fiddled with the dials on the dishwasher.

"Paige." Emily tugged gently on Paige's arm until she was facing her. "Are you saying you don't want to be friends?" No sooner had she said the words did she wish that she could recall them. An icy panic scrabbled down her spine as she awaited Paige's answer. Things hadn't exactly been easy but she thought they'd been getting better.

Paige let out a low chuckle, but there was no humour in it. "No, Emily. I don't want to be friends."

Before she'd even had a chance to process the heartbreak of those words Paige's lips had descended upon her own.