The Last of Us - Forged In Hell

by IAmElvie

The Last of Us begins just prior to Sarah's birth. There are canon characters and my own. If you're a canonite, please don't read, because things aren't exactly the same as the game. My new chars can change the thoughts and feelings of some canon chars, so it's an AU.Explore bonds forged in hell. What lengths would you go to? Like all my stories it's MA only. I'm not an editor.

1. The Last of Us - Forged In Hell Ch1

The Last Of Us

Prologue

Along Comes Sarah

He smiled at the girl he'd met a couple of weeks ago at Jimmy's party. They'd both gotten wasted and ended up in bed together. He'd been seeing her ever since that night. She was a pretty, blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl and with him being in football and her being a cheerleader it just seemed like it was the thing to do. "Hi, Becky," he said as he leaned against the locker. "Wanna come over to my place tonight? My parents are having a barbeque."

She took a step back, smiled up at him and batted her eyelashes. "I'm going out with Tina, Lisa and Rick tonight…I was hoping ya'd want to come along."

He frowned. He knew she wasn't into the whole family thing. Her parents pretty much let her do whatever she had a mind to do and family togetherness was not at the top of list of things to be done. "Nah, my parents are havin' some friends over and I have to keep Tommy company."

She pouted. "Tommy's eleven, ain't he? He's old enough to entertain himself. Come on, Joel," she said, hanging onto his arm. "It'll be fun." She enjoyed showing off her football star boyfriend. She gave him a shy smile and rolled from her heels to the balls of her feet. "We might even find some alone time later…"

A slow breath slipped from his lips. "I'll see if I can meet up with you when Tommy goes to bed. Where will you be?"

Her lips tightened. That wasn't exactly what she was hoping for. "Al's Burger Barn then we're going to see the nine o'clock showing of Pitch Black. I suppose you can meet us at the Alamo Drafthouse if'n you want."

He raked a hand through his dark hair. If he was smart, he'd go to bed early tonight because they had an away game in Houston tomorrow. But he hadn't had alone time with Becky since the night they'd met. This time he'd bring protection. Some risks did not need to be taken. "Fine, I'll cut out a little early and meet ya at the Drafthouse."

The warning bell for class rang. He kissed her forehead. "Catch ya later," he said and hurried off to class. He did not need another tardy. He had it all – everything he could want. Good grades, finally made it to quarterback on the team, college scouts were contacting him even though he was only a junior, he sang two nights a week at Teiner's, he had a loving and supportive family and a pretty, new girlfriend. He was at the top of his game and he couldn't see how life could get any better…at least not until he could take his guitar on the road. Someday, he would be a famous country singer – he just wanted to get through college first.

The day flew by, as it so often did for him. He pulled his helmet out of one of the saddlebags and slipped his backpack in its place on his 1993 Honda CB750 Nighthawk motorcycle. He'd spent the last year fixing it up and it was the best personal investment he'd ever made. The only time he ever had to ask to borrow his mom's car was if the weather was bad.

His mom had hated the idea of him having a motorcycle, but he'd proven time and again that he was a safe driver. He eventually convinced her to let him take her for a ride. She still worried, he supposed she always would, but at least she was no longer believing that each time he walked out the door would be the last time she ever saw him alive. He never took chances on the Nighthawk. One accident – one injury and she'd never let him ride it again.

He was the first one to always arrive home and he enjoyed the time by himself. He grabbed a snack and headed up to the room he shared with his little brother. He was trying to talk his parents into letting him use the den for a bedroom so that he and Tommy no longer had to share, but it was an uphill battle he doubted he'd win.

He was just finishing up his math homework when Tommy came in the room. "Hey, little brother, your turn," he said, motioning to their desk as he rose.

Tommy stuck his tongue out at his brother. "You're no fun."

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against their bunkbeds. "That's not fair, Tommy. Ya know I'll hear all hell from mom if your homework isn't done by the time she gets home."

Tommy sat down at the desk and made faces he knew Joel couldn't see.

"And stop making those faces!" Joel scolded.

Tommy grinned. He wasn't sure how his brother knew it but he almost always called him on it. "You sneaking out to see that Becky tonight?" he asked as he opened up his history book.

Joel grunted and then grinned. "I'm not sneaking. But, yes, when it's close to your bed time I'm going out with her. And she's not that Becky. She's Becky."

Tommy rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I don't know what you see in her, big brother. She's pretty but she's a - "

"Tommy…" Joel warned.

He waved his hand at his brother. "You are so blind. Ya can't even see what's right in front of you. You should stay away from her, is all I'm saying. Date Ams. Now let me do this homework so you don't hear all hell." Becky was a bitch. She acted all sweet when Joel was looking but a real bitch when he wasn't. His brother just couldn't see her for what she really was.

"Yeah, Yeah…I'll go mow the back yard." Since they were going to have a barbeque, he thought his parents would appreciate his helping out. But date Amber? His brother had lost his mind. They'd been friends since they were toddlers. She lived next door and she was his closest friend, even if they didn't hang out in the same circles. She hung around with a much smarter crowd. He shook the thought away.

Once outside, he pulled his shirt off and flung it over the porch railing. He was nearly half-way done with the yard when he caught sight of Amber picking up sticks too large for him to mow over and throwing them over the fence. He killed the mower and grinned at her. "You have a way of sneaking up on a guy," he teased. He also couldn't help but notice the bikini she was wearing. It was obvious she'd been tanning.

"When I heard the mower, I wasn't sure if it was you or Tommy, but I thought I'd help out anyway. Besides, Rex was being an ass. He kept putting his cold, wet nose in places I didn't want it. Damned dog," she said with a grin. "He thinks all I'm good for is playing."

"What's wrong with playing?" he teased. He grabbed a fist full of grass from the grass-catcher and threw it at her.

She yelped and jumped back, the grass clinging to the sweat on her body. "Joel!" She looked down at the grass covering her. "Well, that's attractive. I look like a green possum."

"Best looking possum I've ever seen," he teased and grabbed another fistful of grass. A wicked grin danced on his lips as he began to stalk her.

Her big, brown eyes opened wide. "No…ya wouldn't…" She held her arms up to ward him off as she slowly backed away, her eyes scanning for something to defend herself with. She grinned when she saw the hose and made a mad dash for it. She heard him coming on fast, grabbed the nozzle, turned and aimed it at him. Her eyes sparkled with excitement. She was damned well going to spray him even if he dropped the grass. He drew first blood, so to speak.

"So…a standoff," he mused. He opened his hand and the grass fluttered to the ground. "You win Ams." He sucked in a breath when a cold shock of water doused his chest. He launched himself at her, knocked the nozzle from her hand, grabbed her around the waist and they tumbled to the ground. They hadn't played like this since they were thirteen. As his weight sank between her thighs he realized they weren't thirteen anymore and he liked being just where he was. His heart slammed in his chest as he stared down at her. She was far prettier than she had a right to be. She was his friend and right now he was feeling more than friendly towards her. His gaze slid to her full, parted lips. "Ya don't play fair," he murmured.

She smiled, trying not to be distracted by his looks. She'd had a crush on him since she was five years old, but he never saw her that way and she'd come to accept that. Her hand rose up and her thumb slowly brushed a piece of grass from his cheek. "When have I ever played fair?" she asked in a throaty voice. His nearness was doing all sorts of funny things to her.

"Never," he admitted. Not that she was a malicious cheat; her cheats were done in teasing. All of his life she'd been there for him. At his every game, at his every birthday - every milestone she'd been there to cheer him on. She was a constant he could always depend on and yet he'd never considered what was going through his mind right now. He'd never considered kissing her. Was his brother right? Had he been blind? He could feel the tight peaks of her breasts against his chest, he could feel the hard beat of her heart and he knew he was going to kiss her if she didn't stop him. He stopped a hair's breadth from her lips. "Ams…stop me…" he breathed against her lips. But her arms looped around his neck and her fingers sank into his hair. He captured her lips with a groan of defeat.

A dog's bark brought him back to reality and he broke the kiss to rest his forehead against her for a brief moment. They were in full view of any neighbors looking out a second floor window – including her parents. "Ams…"

She knew he had to be regretting kissing her, but she didn't regret a moment. She'd give anything for one night with him. Just one. That would be enough. But not when he had a girlfriend. "It's okay, Joe-Joe. Please, don't apologize. I've had a crush on you since I was a little girl, so I don't regret the kiss…the timing, perhaps, but not the kiss. Just – we'll forget it ever happened. Nothing has to change. Let's just finish the yard." She didn't even realize she was still holding him to her.

She'd had a crush on him since she was little? "Why didn't you tell me?"

She felt the heat rise in her cheeks. "You never saw me like that, Joe-Joe. Your friendship meant more to me than unrequited feelings. It always will. I accepted things a long time ago. We're good. We always will be."

He shook his head. "I've always been dense when it comes to reading people like that." He ran his fingertips through her silky, golden brown hair. "Ya should have told me, Ams. It would have opened my eyes to what was right in front of me." He grazed his lips against hers. "I don't want to forget the kiss – I want more of them," he admitted.

She released his neck and pushed against his chest. When he sat up she did too. "No, Joe-Joe. Once was one thing, but you're seeing someone. Like I said, the timin' is wrong." She stood up and held out her hand to help him to his feet. When he took her hand, she yelped when she was pulled back down on him. She straddled him and stilled when she felt something thick and hard beneath her sensitive flesh. "Now who's not playin' fair?"

"I never said I was a gentleman," he pointed out.

"Ya are too. I've never known ya not to be one," She ground herself against him and grinned when he gasped.

He raised his knees to trap her between his chest and his legs before her grinding led him to embarrass himself. "You're killing me, Ams."

She was killing herself too. "Yeah, but you deserve it for puttin' me here," she reminded him.

She had a valid point. He tucked his feet under him and rose to a stand, her legs slid down his until they touched the ground. "Come on, we need to wash this grass off and I need to finish the yard." He took her hand and walked her to the nozzle. "Grin and bear it, Ams."

Her body shuddered when the cold water hit her skin. Her nipples tightened so hard they looked painful and goose bumps popped up over every inch of her. "Turn around," he said hoarsely. How had he not noticed how enticing she was? The bikini bottom clung to her like a second skin and he swallowed hard. "My turn," he said as he held out the nozzle to her. He could have washed himself off, but he owed her the chance to freeze his balls. There was no doubt he deserved it. By the time she was done, his knee-length shorts were soaked and it had cooled his ardor, which he was thankful for. When she released the hose, he pulled her against him and kissed her soundly.

She flattened her palms against his chest. "Ya seem to have forgotten I was limitin' ya to one kiss."

One corner of his mouth curled up into a half grin. "And you seem to have forgotten that I said I wanted more."

"Joel…" she said quietly and took a step back. "I'm not the type of girl who…"

He never thought she was. "I know that, Amber. I'll talk to Becky later tonight when I see her. It's you I want to be with."

She frowned. She'd always wanted him – but not this way. "I feel like a homewrecker."

He snorted and nearly choked. "What? I've only been datin' her a couple of weeks; she won't introduce me to her family, she doesn't like comin' to my place, my brother can't stand her and I can't stand her friends. The only thing we have in common is football – and I'm not sure she even likes the game, to be frank."

Amber raised her hand to her lips in mock-shock. "Oh, the blaspheme."

He grinned. "Then you understand."

"Tom-Tom doesn't like her?" she asked in surprise. "He likes everyone."

"Apparently not," he said drolly. "Are you and your parents comin' to the barbeque?"

"Have we ever missed one?" she teased. "Mama and I have already made some vittles to bring over. Papa's bringin' the horseshoe toss…and I think Twister."

He rubbed his hands together. "Mama Nell's famous peach cobbler?"

"Yes," she smiled. "Mama's bringin' her peach cobbler. Now," she turned him around and swatted his butt, "finish your mowin'." When the mower started up, she returned to picking up toys and branches from the yard.

When they were done, Joel brought out two lemonades and sat down next to her on the swing, swinging it slowly. He settled his arm along the back and she snuggled into his side like she used to do. "I miss times like this," he said quietly and dropped his arm around her.

"I do too," she admitted softly. "You were always on the go. Whenever I came over to spend time with ya, you were gone. So I spent time with your mom or Tom-Tom. I even went with Papa Quinn to find Mama B an anniversary gift this year, because that pan he got her last year had not been appreciated," she said with a giggle.

"I remember. I thought mama was going to hit him over the head with it." They'd never told him that Ams had helped this year. He had been drifting away from her and he'd never realized it. Despite that, she was still always there for him when he needed to talk about something. She was still always at his games. She was still cheering him on. She was still there for his family. He'd taken her for granted. "I'm sorry, Ams. I was stretchin' my wings and left ya behind. I hadn't even realized it." He shook his head. "Ya never gave up on me. You were still always there for me."

Her hand lifted to his chest. "You are my best friend, Joe-Joe – my family. I'll always be there for ya, no matter how far apart we are."

He enjoyed the feel of her fingers playing over his skin. He wasn't in love with Amber, but he loved her. He wanted her. He felt safe with her and there was no one closer to him than she was. She was the only person he had ever opened himself up to. He knew they could have a beautiful life together someday if he didn't fuck it up. And now that he realized that, he had no intension of fucking it up. "I wish my eyes had been opened sooner." He raised her palm to his lips, settled it back against his chest and raised her chin to kiss her. When she backed away, his lips thinned. He understood her feelings, but he also wanted the right to kiss her. "I'm not goin' ta wait. I want the right to kiss my girl."

Her heart flipped over in her chest. "Your girl?" she asked as she drew a fingernail across his nipple. She smiled when he shuddered. "Does it go both ways, Joel? Does that make you my guy?" she teased.

He rose from the swing and held his hand out to her. When she took it he pulled her into is arms, molding her body to his. With one arm locked around her waist he brushed her drying hair back from her face. "As sure as I'm looking at ya, I'm your man." He kissed her forehead, because he knew she wouldn't object to that. He pulled his shirt down over his head and led her to the garage. He backed his bike out of the garage, sat down on the seat and motioned her over. "I'll be back soon and when I get back I'm going to kiss ya until we are both breathless."

She grinned and cupped his cheeks. "Promises, promises," she said playfully. It was almost too much to believe that he'd finally noticed her. It was surreal and she feared she would wake up and none of it would be real.

He captured the back of her head so she couldn't back away and his mouth captured hers. He kept his tongue behind his lips in respect for her wishes. "I'll be back soon." He reached back to pull his helmet out of the saddle bag and slipped it over his head.

"I'll stay with Tom-Tom."

He smiled. He could always count on her, even without asking. "Thanks, Ams. You can grab a shirt out of my dresser to cover up." He started his bike, winked at her and took off towards Becky's house. He knew where she lived, but he'd never been inside. When he arrived he knocked on the door and an older woman answered. "Good afternoon, ma'am. I'm looking for Becky."

Celine looked him over and then looked at his bike with a frown. "I didn't know she had any friends like you. Who are you?"

Joel quirked a brow. Friends like him? "I'm Joel Miller, ma'am. I go to Anderson High School with Becky."

She pursed her lips. "Oh. I might have heard of that name – you're on the football team, I think. Well, she's out with her boyfriend. They went to the mall."

Joel just blinked. "Her boyfriend, ma'am?"

She folded her arms over her chest. "I'm surprised you don't know - he's on your team. She's dating that nice quarterback boy, Ian Livingston. They had lunch here and then headed out to the mall. I'll tell her you stopped by," she said as she closed the door in his face and shuddered. As if he stood a chance with her daughter.

"I'll be damned," he muttered. She never once wanted to bring him back to meet her family, but in the matter of a few hours she'd hooked up with Ian and brought him back to meet her parents. He chuckled. Ian had been demoted to second string quarterback when Joel stepped into the lead position. So she jumped from talent to an old money name. No doubt her parents were thrilled. Good luck with that, Becky. He saluted the door and hopped back on his bike, making sure to peel out with a lot of noise.

He headed for the mall. Regardless what her mom thought she knew, he intended to make sure what she thought was correct. Once he arrived, he parked the bike, locked his wheel, locked his helmet in the saddlebag and headed in.

It took about thirty minutes to locate them. And damned if he didn't catch them kissing in the food court. "Hello Becky…Ian." When he saw the pair of them jump apart he laughed. "So nice to see you two so comfortable together – it makes dumpin' Becky a whole mess easier. Catch ya on the field," he said with a grin and left. That went a lot better than he'd originally thought when he knew he had to call things off with her. Thank you very much, Becky and Ian.

He went straight home to find his mother's car in the garage. He rolled his bike in next to it and dropped his helmet in the saddlebag. After he lowered the garage door, he ran around to the front door. He we soon be helping his dad make a door that led directly into the house from the garage so they could put up the electric garage door that his dad purchased.

He found his mom sitting at the kitchen table nursing a glass of wine and reading a book. "Hi, mama," he said and gave her a hug. "Where's Ams?"

Bethanne smiled at her son. "She's upstairs with Tommy. Where have ya been?" she asked curiously.

He raked a hand through his short, brown hair. "I had to go correct a mistake I made."

She took his hand. "Mistake?"

He squeezed her hand. "It's Becky, mama. I never should have started datin' her. It's over between us."

She chuckled. "Ya sure know how to bring your mother good news. I'm glad ya dumped her on her ass. She was no good for you."

Was he the only one who hadn't seen Becky for who she was? "I was feelin' a bit guilty. I don't much care for hurtin' anyone, but she done made it easy for me, mama. Caught her at the mall kissin' Ian Livingston. Apparently, her mom adores him. Met her mom today, when I went lookin' for her. I can see where Becky gets her charm," he replied sarcastically.

She patted his hand. "You are well rid of her, son."

He chuckled and shook his head. "You've never liked any of my girlfriends."

"I'll always support your decisions, Joel, but ya were dating the wrong girls. There's only one girl I want to see you with and she's standin' right behind ya," Bethanne said with a motion of her hand, though she'd given up hope a long time ago.

Amber had heard his motorcycle and had come down. She hadn't meant to overhear their conversation, but she had and her cheeks were warm with embarrassment. She honestly wasn't sure he'd be able to go through with it, especially if Becky started on him with her crocodile tears. But she was glad he caught Becky with that idiot Ian. If any two people deserved each other it was them, at least from the talk she'd heard about Ian, and that left Joel free to be with her…if that is still what he wanted. He might have sorted things out differently in his mind now that he was free and if he did, she'd accept that. At least she got to kiss him, which was far more than she ever thought would happen.

He spun around and pulled her up against him. He smiled at her yelp and claimed her lips in the kiss he'd promised her. With his back to his mother he felt comfortable letting his hands explore her back. One hand drifted lower to grip her ass and rock her against his growing arousal.

"Oh, wow!" Tommy snickered. "I hope that means you are done with that Becky bitch."

Bethanne bit her cheek to keep from laughing. "Tommy Quinn Miller! Mind yourself."

Tommy blanched. He hadn't seen his mother sitting there. "Yes, ma'am."

She was so tickled to see her son kissing Amber. She'd waited years for him to get his head out of his ass and wake up. "I think it's time for that man-cave to become a bedroom. So come on, you three, and help me get everythin' ya don't want, Joel, upstairs to my bedroom."

Joel blinked in surprise. He'd wanted his own room for years. And all it took was to kiss Amber in front of her. Damned if he shouldn't have done that a long time ago. Between the four of them, they moved everything but one desk upstairs. From his old room, he removed the top bunkbed and set it up downstairs along with his dresser. There were wire shelves on the walls that would allow him to hang up his clothing. Having his own space was worth losing a closet. He ran upstairs grabbed his guitar and backpack. Amber grabbed a few other items that were his and they headed back downstairs. He'd be farther away from the bathroom now, but he could leave the house through the backyard and wouldn't have to disturb anyone if he came home late.

His new bedroom was rectangular rather than square, but it was larger than the one he'd shared with his brother. He no longer had a TV, Playstation or computer, but he finally had his own room.

Bethanne leaned against the door and looked over his new room. "I've been wantin' to do this for some time. Your father will get over it. His new man-cave can be our bedroom, since I'm usually only there to sleep. When Amber slipped past her, she pulled the girl into her arms for a hug. "You two have made me so happy."

She hugged the precious woman back. "No one is more surprised than me, Mama B. If I'd have known a bikini grass fight was all it would take… I'd have done it ages ago," she teased.

Bethanne pulled back. "Ya know, ya could have danced naked in the moonlight… I'm sure that would have woken him up," she teased with a wink of her eye.

"I never thought of that. Silly me."

Joel cleared his throat. "I'm right here," he pointed out the obvious. "And yes, that would have gotten my attention. But – uh…if you're gonna dance naked in the moonlight, do it in my room. We can slide the curtain open and let the moonlight come through the double glass doors."

"And what's wrong with out there with the grass between my toes?" she asked innocently.

Bethanne laughed. "Too many second story windows, I'd imagine. Not much into sharin', son?"

"Damned straight," he grumbled.

She turned to leave them alone and stopped. "Oh – grab a screwdriver and swap out this door knob with the one on my bathroom door. Your father and I certainly don't need to be lockin' each other outta the bathroom. And I'm sure y'all will appreciate the privacy."

By the time he changed the locks out, they had only about a half an hour before the early birds started showing up. They collapsed on his twin bed. "It feels good to finally have my own room."

-BREAK TWO-

She'd never had to share a room but could certainly understand the frustration of having to do so. "I can imagine it would be frustrating. Sit up." When he did she pulled his shirt off and threw it onto the floor. "Much better," she said as she pulled off the shirt she'd borrowed from him. Her hands slid up his broad chest to hook around his neck. She fell back against the bed and pulled him down with her. "Kiss me, Joe-Joe." And he did.

His hand slid slowly along her side until his thumb brushed the underside of her breast. When she didn't stop him, he cupped her breast and rolled her nipple through the bikini top. Her moan encouraged him and his hand slipped around to slowly pull the ties that held her top on. He tossed it onto the floor with the growing pile of discarded clothing. His thumb drew across the tight bud. "You are so beautiful," he murmured and then lowered his head to tease and suckle the dusky tip that beckoned him.

Her hands slid into his thick hair and she held him to her breast. She'd wanted him for too long and her deepest fear was that he would change his mind about her and only want to be friends. If that happened, it would hurt, but she would accept that. However, she wanted to make love to him at least once before that happened. Her hand skimmed down the flat of his belly. His muscles tightened beneath her palm.

When her hand reached the band of his shorts, he slid down her body and settled between her thighs as his lips and tongue trailed down over her ribcage. He wanted to try something he'd never done before. He felt secure trying it with her because he knew she wouldn't make fun of him or tell the whole school if he fucked it up. His tongue grazed along the band of her bikini as his fingers slowly untied the bows that held it up.

His hands skimmed down her thighs to spread them wider and then he pulled the material down to reveal what was hidden beneath. He groaned at the sight of her silky, glistening, folds. There was no denying she wanted him, she was already swelling for him. He nipped her inner thigh gently and his tongue flicked along the far edges of her folds as much to tease her as to build confidence. He smiled when her body trembled with anticipation. He brushed his thumbs over the swollen nub as he separated her damp folds and flicked the bundle of nerves with his tongue. Her soft cry encouraged him and he tried different motions with his tongue, flicking, circling, grinding, to find out what she liked best.

She had only been with one other guy, though they had not gotten this far. He'd used his fingers to make her come; she couldn't have imagined the pleasure a tongue could give her. Somehow, it just seemed right that Joe-Joe was the one giving her the greatest pleasure she'd ever felt. Her hands tightened on his blanket when she felt the tension build inside her. "Oh, god…there…don't stop…I'm so close…" she murmured in a voice she barely recognized. She felt his hands grip her tighter as his tongue moved faster against her. "Joel…" she breathed out his name as her hips rose and her body tightened.

For a moment, it seemed like time stood still for him and then he heard a muffled cry and her hips rocked against him when she found her release. He felt a sense of pride that he'd made her come for him and he was glad he'd shared this first with her. When her hips shied away from him, he kissed a path back up her body and gave her breasts the attention they deserved before moving on to feast on her lips with a hunger he hadn't felt before.

When her hand skimmed down his belly this time, he sucked in a breath and groaned when her fingers slipped beneath the band of his shorts to stroke him. "Ams…" he cried out softly as his hips thrust against her.

"Make love to me, Joe-Joe," she whispered as she tugged his shorts down his hips.

He used a hand to lower his shorts further and kicked them off, not wanting to break body contact with her. "Are you sure?" he asked softly.

Her legs wrapped around his waist and she rocked against him. "Yes, Joel…god, yes." She'd waited so long to have him in her arms. She needed to feel him inside her…she needed to be one with him.

He slid into her silky heat with a growl of pleasure. She rocked beneath him meeting each of his thrusts with a driving need that matched his own. He knew he had to be careful not to get lost in the pleasure. He'd left his condoms in the bike and needed to pull out before he came. He tried to focus on that, keep that point sharp in his mind - but they weren't lying when they said if you care about someone the pleasure is more intense. Sweet hell, he cared and his control was slipping. His body reacted to her breathy moans and the bite of her nails by going into overdrive. He felt himself thicken and his testicles tighten and he knew he was on the edge. "Ams…let me go so I can pull out."

She tightened her legs around him and rode him harder. "Don't stop Joe-Joe…don't stop…don't stop…I'm almost…"

Her body stiffened beneath him and he felt her muscles clamp down on him taking the last thread of his control. He claimed her lips to muffle their cries as he catapulted over the edge with her. With each thrust he released more of himself into her until he had nothing left to give.

Riding a wave of euphoric haze, he dropped his forehead to hers with a groan and enjoying the feel of her muscles squeezing him with the aftershocks of her release. When their heartbeats and breathing began to slow he rolled them onto their sides. "Ya should have danced naked in the moonlight a long time ago, Ams."

She laughed softly and stroked his cheek. "I wish I had." Her brows drew together in concern when his expression grew serious.

"Ams…if anything happens...I'll take care of you."

It took a moment to realize what he was talking about. She settled a finger against his lips. "Joe-Joe I would never let you sacrifice yourself out of some outdated sense of duty."

He wanted to be offended by what she said, but he knew she said it because she cared. He brushed his lips against hers. "I would hardly call marriage to you a sacrifice, obligation or duty. Those words are cold and unfeeling. I care about ya, Amber. Deeply. You're family – a part of me. I would marry ya because I cared – not cause of duty."

She wiped her eyes before the tears could fall. She knew he wanted a family some day and it was the one thing she couldn't give him. And it was also why she knew their relationship would eventually end. She would never want to take having a family away from him. But while she did have him, she would put a lifetime's worth of love into whatever time they did have together. "Joel…I – you don't have to worry about me getting' pregnant. Once we get dressed I'll tell you why." She didn't think she could tell him while she was naked in his arms.

For some reason the thought of her getting pregnant didn't bother him like it should have. He pushed that thought away and rolled over to gather their clothing. He handed over her bikini and his shirt that she was wearing and then slipped back into his shorts and shirt. Now that he'd seen her naked, he didn't want her to get dressed. But he'd heard the doorbell and knew they'd run out of time.

When he sat down next to her on the bed she pulled her legs up and crossed them. "Something happened when I was little. It was the one thing I never told you about. I – I was ashamed and I didn't want you to see me differently."

He felt his heart tighten, hurt to know that he'd done something that made her think she couldn't talk to him. "Ams – that's silly, you can always tell me anything. Did I do something to make ya think I wouldn't be there for ya?"

She blinked, confused as to why he thought that. "What? No." She shook her head. "It was my hang-up…my fear. It was nothin' ya did. Do ya remember when I was five years old and I – I didn't see ya for a few weeks?" She bit her lip and looked away. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. She didn't want to hurt him and she knew she was going to.

She was a year older than him and he had only been four at the time. He was pretty sure he only remembered it because of how worried he'd been for her. "Yeah. Mama Nell told me you were sick. I remembered being worried as hell about ya, Ams."

She took his hand and laced her fingers through his. She needed the connection to get the words out. "I was outside in my yard playin' – waitin' for ya to get home. A young man approached me and asked if I wanted to see his poodle do circus tricks. I said I would and asked if he could bring her over so my mama and I could watch. He wanted me to come with him, but I told him I wasn't allowed ta leave my yard. He grabbed me and slapped his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream." She felt his hand tighten on hers and knew he understood what was about to happen. Tears slipped silently down her cheeks. They weren't tears for her; she'd dealt with what happened a long time ago and put it behind her. The tears were for him because she knew his pain would be new and raw.

"He carried me back through the woods tryin' to calm me, tellin' me how much I would love seein' his poodle do tricks, how he had a house back there and Princess was waitin' to meet me. I was in shock and terrified. There were always stories of children being taken – their bodies found days or weeks later and I didn't want to die without sayin' goodbye to you and my parents."

His heart was thundering in his chest. He knew what she was going to tell him and he couldn't bear it. To know that something so horrific could have happened to her was tearing his heart to shreds. He pulled her onto his lap and held her. He felt the warmth of tears roll down his cheeks and ignored them. His heart was raw with anguish for her and there was nothing he could do.

"I knew there were no houses back there. I'd hiked there before with my parents. By the time he released my mouth we were too far away for screams ta be heard and I was too scared of makin' him mad to even bother tryin'. I thought – I hoped– if I did whatever he wanted he wouldn't kill me…that I would get to go home." Her throat tightened and she forced herself to swallow. "When we came to a clearin' and he put me down, I just laid there – too terrified ta move, even when he lifted my dress and tore my panties off. He kept apologizin' and tryin' to sooth me with his voice, but I could no longer hear him clearly. I was numb until the pain overwhelmed me. I cried and begged him ta stop hurtin' me, but he didn't. He just cried 'n apologized a'n told me how beautiful I was. I didn't feel very beautiful. When he finally stopped hurtin' me he carried me to the edge of the woods near my home and left me there. The pain was raw and deep and I could feel the warmth of blood runnin' down my legs. It hurt too much to walk so I just curled up into a ball. I don't know how long I laid there, but the sun was goin' down. I heard people callin' my name, but I don't think they heard me. It was Henry that found me. He told my mama to follow and took me straight to his car. I curled up on the front floor board because it hurt too much to sit."

All he could do was hold her and rock as she relived a nightmare. He remembered seeing cop cars and people from the neighborhood out with flashlights. His mom had told him a little kid got lost and his father was joining the search party. They'd never told him who the kid had been.

"Henry carried me into the hospital. He laid me down on a bed and someone put a mask over my face…then everything went fuzzy. I didn't find out what happened until later. He had torn me up pretty badly and I'd lost too much blood. Mama B was O negative so she and my parents gave blood for me. I was sick at home for awhile because an infection had set in. When I finally got to see you again, I remember huggin' ya with a death grip, but ya didn't complain." She cleared her throat and swallowed hard, but couldn't look at him. "Do – do ya think less of me for lettin' him hurt me? For not fightin' him?" she asked in a voice that was so quiet she wasn't even sure he'd heard.

"Oh, god, Ams – No! Don't ever think that. You were a scared little girl and if you'd fought him he mighta lost his temper – beaten ya…or worse." He also knew that if he ever laid hands on the man he'd kill him without a thought. He wanted to shove a rusty pipe so far up the man's ass that it came out his mouth…or the top of his head, he wasn't picky. "Did they find him?" he asked, his voice harder than he intended.

She frowned. "Ya mean find him again? He was an escaped pedophile. They found him a week later after he'd raped a ten year old girl named Lisa."

"Is he still locked away?" he asked softly. A part of him wanted her answer to be 'no'. That same part of him wanted to hunt him…stalk him…make him pay. But the words never left his lips. He knew Amber would be horrified by the part of him that wanted to seek revenge.

She shook her head. "I don't know. I think he got fourteen years, but I never checked to see if he was paroled. I never wanted to know anything about him. If I could forget his face, I would," she admitted. "Henry testified at his trial on how he found me, Lisa testified and one of the doctors testified to the damage and the DNA they found, but I refused to go to court. I didn't want to see his face again or hear his polite apologies or see his tears of sorrow. What he did was unforgivable and he knew it – knew it even as he did it."

He intended to find out whom the man was and if he was still behind bars. "I'm sorry ya had to relive that and that ya felt that pain again, but I'm glad ya finally told me. I will always be here for you, Ams. There is nothing ya can't tell me."

She stroked his cheek. "The tears weren't for me, Joel – they were for you. I was crying from your pain. I knew hearing it was hurting ya and I couldn't bear it."

She had stunned him again. His pain. After everything she'd gone through, she was crying for his pain. She had to be one of the most giving and unselfish people he'd ever met. He blinked as a realization sank in. She had told him he didn't have to worry about her getting pregnant and now he knew why. That man had damaged her too badly to conceive – or at least the resulting infection had. But that changed nothing. He still wanted to be with her. "You are a beautiful woman inside and out, Amber Nicole Hanson, and I'm a lucky man ta call ya mine."

She shook her head. "Joel," she said as she gripped his chin. "One day, you will want to marry and have a family. When ya do, I'll back away peacefully. I don't want to lose ya as a friend and I don't want ta get in the way of your happiness."

He pulled away from her grip. "Shut the hell up, Amber. I tell ya how lucky I am to have ya and you are already pushing me out the door. It ain't like that. It doesn't have to be. Children are nice, but they don't define happiness. There's adoption or we can both finish college and you can join me on my tours. My name's going to be in lights one of these days, Ams," he teased. "Joel Ethan Miller, country legend," he said with a wave of his hand. "So I don't want to hear any of that kind of talk come out of your mouth again, you understand?"

She wasn't going to hold him to that. He was only sixteen and could change his mind when he got a little older. So she had to keep herself prepared for that. "I understand, Joe-Joe. And I haven't missed a single one of your games – just try to keep me from your tours."

He smiled and brushed his lips against hers. "I wouldn't dream of it." He twirled his high school ring around is finger. "Ams? Will ya be my girl?"

She smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. "I've always been your girl, Joe-Joe. Everyone but you could see that," she teased.

His lips curled up in a somber, lopsided grin. "I regret that, Ams…I surely do." He slid his ring off his finger and over the knuckle of her thumb. He smiled at the sight of her wearing his ring and then sighed when there was a knock on his door. He moved her off his lap to unlock the door; his father was standing there with a grin on his face.

Quinn smiled and gave his son a brief hug. "Glad ya finally got your head out of your ass, son. Makes it a lot easier to see where you're going." He smiled at Amber. "Hi, Ams." He handed his son a small bundle. "Nellie brought over a change of clothing for Ams. And thanks for mowin' the back yard. See ya soon."

Once she was dressed, they headed outside to join the others. Their moms were in the swing with glasses of wine. Two other women sat in chairs facing the swing. He hugged his mother and Mama Nell. "Good evening, Mrs. Duke, Mrs. Baker." He took Amber's hand and led her down the porch stairs.

"He's such a good looking boy – they make a lovely couple," Mrs. Baker said behind her cupped mouth.

Joel felt his cheeks warm since he'd still been close enough to hear her. The men were playing horseshoes and watching the bbq, so they joined his little brother in tossing the football. Rosco, the Dukes' black and tan coonhound dashed around them to pick up the ball with any missed passes. Rex, the Hanson's old mut, was having none of that. He was stretched out over the grass, his legs occasionally twitching as he lived out his doggie dreams.

The Baker's son, Jimmy, showed up a couple of hours later after he got off work. He'd graduated high school last year and was taking a few courses at the community college. By the time they'd eaten dinner, the mosquitoes descended and they moved indoors. The dining chairs were pulled into the living room to accommodate everyone. The four kids sat in front of the tv and challenged each other on the Playstation, which had been moved downstairs so both of the boys could play it, until their parents decided to watch a movie. The kids too that cue and went upstairs to Tommy's room to watch a movie of their choosing. Amber chose the Princess Bride. After a few good-natured groans from the boys, they popped in the VHS tape.

Joel had kept Amber close and kissed her every chance he got, not only because he wanted to - but because he wanted Jimmy to have no doubts where things stood.

"Ugh, they're kissing again," Tommy groaned.

Jimmy laughed and ruffled Tommy's hair. "You'll understand someday, squirt." He'd been interested in Amber, even took her out a couple of times, until he realized a couple years back that she was head over arse in love with an oblivious Joel. Even if she hadn't been in love with Joel, he knew he couldn't handle how close she was to him, so he'd backed off.

Everyone finally left by eleven. Joel showered and fell into bed. He had a big game tomorrow in Houston, the last game of the season before summer vacation. A part of him hoped Ams would knock on his double doors, but he was out like a light a moment later.

He woke up later than he'd intended to, he'd forgotten to bring down the alarm clock from Tommy's room. Breakfast was hurried and light and he hopped his bike to head for the school for a morning meet-up with the team.

Today, he wasn't going to ride the bus to Houston. Instead, he and Ams would take his bike. He wanted to take her to dinner in Houston before returning home. He was just about to leave when a call came for him. Well fuck. He hung up with a sigh. Goddamn it, Reg.

When he arrived at school, he headed to the locker room for the meeting with the team. He smirked at Ian and then gave the coach his undivided attention. He held up a hand to stop the coach when he mentioned a play he disagreed with. "We cannot rely too heavily on that play, it's is goin' to fail, sir." He knew why the coach wanted to rely on a running game, because Houston was known for catching passes, but that simply wasn't going to work today.

Ian snickered and elbowed Evan that was standing next to him. It didn't even faze him when Evan waved him off. If Joel pissed off the coach, maybe the coach would bench him.

Randy lifted the cap on his head and resettled it. "Quarterback's not good enough, Joel? Do ya wanna coach as well?" He ignored Ian's laugh.

Joel shook his head. "No, sir. But we have to focus on passin' the ball. We are down Ray and are relyin' on a second string running back." Joel looked at Reggie pointedly. He'd gotten a call earlier and he knew Reg had been hitting the booze pretty hard last night. "Sorry, Reg, no disrespect intended." He turned back to the coach. "I can run the ball if need be, but our primary focus should be on defendin' the wide receivers, Coach."

Randy frowned. "I know my boys, Joel, and Reg is more than ready ta step up."

"You're oversteppin' yourself, Joel," Ian sneered. He rubbed his side and frowned when Evan elbowed him hard.

Joel shook his head and glanced at Reg who solemnly nodded at him. He wanted to keep last night out of it, but the coach was pushing him. "No sir, he's not. He had a hard night last night. He's best suited focusin' on blockin'."

Randy threw his hat at Reg. "Goddamn it, Reg! Ya know what this game means ta us! Fuckin' Houston nails passes! " He raked a hand through his dark hair. "Fine," he said, glaring at Reg. "But you boys," he said pointing his fingers at each of them, "better make damn sure their cornerbacks go home cryin' for their mamas. Dismissed. Pack your shit and get on the bus."

Joel bagged his gear and tossed into the back of the bus.

When Ian saw him walk away from the bus he shook his head. "What's the matter, Joel? Too full of yourself to ride the bus with the rest of us?"

Joel stopped and turned around. "Not for a moment. I'm just takin' my girl out to dinner before we head back."

"I seem to recall stealing your girl right out from under ya," Ian sneered.

Joel laughed. "Becky was never my girl. Amber, however, is my girl and she'd never look twice at you."

Amber…ah…the brainiac that graduated high school in the tenth grade and went on to college. "It would seem geeks are more your thing, no wonder Becky fell for me."

Joel just smiled and shook his head. Ian wasn't even worth the effort to pound into the dirt. He saluted the idiot with two fingers. "See ya at the game, Ian." He hopped on his bike, slipped his helmet on and peeled out.

He was in good spirits when he arrived home to find Amber waiting for him in the drive. She was in tight jeans with a gold trimmed blue shirt with a large gold number twelve on it that clung to her breasts. She was wearing his number and she took his breath away. Sweet hell, he must have been blind before. He flipped up his visor, kissed her and slipped his passenger helmet over her head. They waved to their parents and Tommy who were taking his mom's car to the game and headed out.

The ride was long, but with her pressed to his back and her arms around him it was enjoyable. He pulled into the stadium and parked next to where the busses would soon be parked. He dropped their helmets into the saddlebags, got up, turned around and sat down on the seat facing her. She hooked her thighs over the top of his. "I've only got a week off before I start apprenticin' under my dad for the summer. He wants me to have somethin' to fall back on if football and music don't pan out."

"I get that, Papa Q's just looking out for you. There's – uh…somethin' I need to show ya, Joe-Joe." She pulled a folded piece of paper from her back pocket and handed it to him.

He unfolded it and read it over. His hand holding the letter dropped to his thigh. "You've been invited to intern at the CDC in Houston in a couple of months," he said trying to force enthusiasm. "I'm proud of you, Ams. This is great news." No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. But he knew this was something she wanted to do.

She could tell it was anything but great news. "I – I don't know if I will take them up on it, Joel. I'm goin' to see what other offers I get. Maybe I'll even take some time off before I intern. I mean, you have another year of school before ya head off to college. I can always take some more classes to bide my time. I just – I wanted ya to know." She took the paper from his hand, folded it back up and shoved it in her back pocket. "Right now, all I want to do is be your girl, spend every moment I can with ya and make love to ya until we are both too tired to move."

A slow smile spread over his lips. "Promises, promises…" he teased as he gripped her ass and pulled her up his thighs so she straddled his hips. He kissed her until he heard the busses pull up. One bus held their band and the second the players and cheerleaders. He was helping her off the bike when Ian walked over.

"Well, if it isn't Joel and his b-" He was going to say brainiac until he got a good look at her after she'd gotten off the bike. It took a moment to realize his mouth was gaping open like a fish. He had no idea that a geek could be so sexy.

"His Amber? Why, yes…I am," she said as she slipped her arm through Joel's. A pouty blonde hurried over and took Ian's arm.

She eyed the brunette with distaste and then eyed Joel. "Come on, Ian. We have better things to do."

Ian frowned. "Don't be rude, Becky. I was just meetin' Joel's friend Amber."

"Joel's girlfriend, Amber," Amber corrected with a polite smile. She looked up at Joel. "I'm goin' to go grab a seat next to the team's benches before too many people show up." She rose onto her toes and gave him a brief kiss, but his arm clamped around her and he kissed her soundly before letting her go. She smirked and winked at Becky and Ian as she passed by them. She didn't see Ian's head swivel around to watch her walk away.

Joel laughed as he walked towards the bus. "Dream on, Ian." He slapped Ian on the shoulder, harder than he knew he should have, as he stepped around him.

"Ian Blaine Livingston!" How dare he stare at that little hussy's ass. She jerked his arm to get him moving towards the bus.

-BREAK THREE-

The game had been grueling and that was putting it mildly. The Trojans were able to work together efficiently, but no matter what they did, it seemed they would always be trailing three points behind. They were out of time. Joel released the ball and held his breath. They were 68 yards from the end zone. So he did the only thing he could when the clock had run down. He threw a Hail Mary pass and hoped like hell for the best. Knowing this was do or die, he raced down the field, barreling through anyone that got his way, determined to catch his own damned ball if need be. He didn't think that was at all likely, he was far from the fastest man on the team; he had too much muscle mass. But he was a powerhouse and with enough drive he could knock even the fattest brick wall to his ass.

He was fourteen yards from the end zone when he saw Rodgers leap for the ball and swiveled to the left, plowing into the guy a moment before he could knock the ball from its trajectory. He tumbled to the ground hard, pinning Rogers beneath him. He slapped the black guy's helmet with a grin, scrambled up and took off, but he knew there was nothing he could do now but hope his team pulled through.

He watched Shelby launch himself sideways to catch the pass, but he wasn't going to make it. Stevens was nearly on him. In a blink, Reg broke free of the pack to knock Stevens to the ground and the ball landed firmly in the cradle of Shelby's arms for the winning touchdown. He nearly dropped to his knees in shock, but forced himself to keep going. He and Ryan hoisted Shelby up onto their shoulders and he held the ball high. The roar of the crowd put smiles on their faces.

Mike Rodgers approached him, slapped him on the back and bent his elbow to hold his hand up. He bent his left arm up to meet Mike's hand in a solid hand clasp. They might have been on opposite sides today, but Mike would always be his friend.

"I'm glad it was you, Joel." Mike said with a grin. If anyone else had knocked him down at such a pivotal time, he'd have been pissed, but he couldn't be pissed at Joel. In fact, he'd been stunned when his friend tackled him. "Thought you were the quarterback," he teased.

"I'm whatever I need to be," Joel said with a grin. He felt Evan bump his shoulder and he allowed him to take over Shelby's support. With his shoulder free he gave Mike a quick hug, pulled off his helmet and teeth guard and looked over towards where Amber had been seated, but she wasn't there. His gaxe combed over the rest of his team that were rushing onto the field and saw her break free of the oncoming rush. He grinned and ran towards her. When she launched herself at him he spun her around with her legs locked around his waist and then brought her in for a kiss.

"Holy shit," Mike said as he caught up to them. "That your girl? Man, you got everything."

"Yes, I do. Amber, this is Mike Rodgers – an old friend of mine," he said as he set her on her feet.

"That sure didn't stop him none from knocking me on my ass," Mike said with a laugh. He nodded at Amber. "Nice to meet you, miss." He looked back at Joel and held his hand in a phone receiver gesture up to his ear. "Give me a call, man," he said as he headed back to his team.

When the Trojan band had marched onto the field he slipped an arm around Amber and hurried towards the benches. A water boy ran past and tossed him a cold water bottle. He sprayed his hair and face before taking a large gulp. Amber yelped and laughed when he shook his head and sprayed her with cold water. The coach was fielding scouts when he arrived, but broke away when he caught sight of him.

Randy smacked Joel on the back. "Nice fucking Hail Mary, kid! You've got quite the bandwagon, son," he said motioning to the scouts. He sighed when said bandwagon surrounded them, everyone talking at the same time, handing Joel their cards and telling him they were keeping any eye on him and what he would do next year.

It wasn't the first time he'd been approached by scouts, but it was the first time he had this many on him at one time. He tried to remain calm and casual, acting like it was all just a thing, but he knew Ams must have sensed his unease, because her hand began to rhythmically rub his back in soothing motions.

The college scouts fell silent when a new man entered the fray. They frowned in displeasure but gave way to him.

Terry took Joel's hand and shook it. "My name is Terry and I'm a scout for the Miami Dolphins. We were highly impressed with what we witnessed today. You have an amazing arm and showed great versatility and drive. We will be keeping an eye on you. If you perform just as well next year, I will be calling on you with an offer." He handed the kid his card and departed.

Another man took his place. "There's no need for you to go so far from home, son. I'm Mac," he said taking Joel's hand. "I'm with the Dallas Cowboys. Like you, my roots are right here in the magnificent state of Texas and Texas needs men like you."

Joel blinked. He wanted to ask the man if he was recruiting him to the militia, but he bit his tongue to keep his mouth in check.

"You're on my radar, son. Prove yourself again next year and you'll have a home with the Cowboys." He clapped Joel on the arm, handed him a card and grinned at the college scouts as he pulled out a cigar and walked away.

The college scouts dispersed as they located other team members they wanted to speak to. His parents, Tommy and Amber's parents finally made it onto the field and another round of hugs ensued. He handed the cards to his mom to slip into her purse.

Bethanne looked over the cards and her mouth fell open. "Oh, Joe-Joe…" She elbowed her husband and showed him two of the cards.

"Damn me…" Quinn said with a low whistle. "NFL, son?"

"Surprised the hell out of me too," he admitted. He'd never considered football a career. He still didn't. It was a means to an end for a paid college scholarship and that was all. The money would be nice, but he just wasn't sure he wanted to give his body that kind of long-term abuse.

Ian glared at Joel until Becky pulled him away. Joel was only a junior; he had another year to go. This had been Ian's last year to prove himself to the scouts and Joel had taken that way from him. Joel became quarterback because the rest of the team liked him better- it was a damned popularity contest and he refused to believe anything different. The NFL scouts didn't get to see him in action. That opportunity was lost to him and now he had to settle for the two college scouts that had been sniffing around.

Joel kissed Ams and hurried to the locker room to shower and change. The sting of the spray felt good against his body, but a much as he wanted to savor it he wouldn't. He didn't care about the rest of the team right now, he didn't care about the after party that was being thrown, all he wanted to do was enjoy a quiet restaurant with Ams.

"Well, well, if ain'tt he man of the hour," Ian sneered. "One day, wonder-boy – that house of cards you're standin' on is gonna crumble and I hope I'm there to watch ya fall."

He rinsed out his hair not bothering to even look at Ian. "I'm in too good of a mood right now – even you ain't going to sour it, Ian. So, fuck off."

When Ian moved on, he dried off, slipped into his clothes and bagged his gear. He tossed his gear in the back of the bus and joined Ams at his bike. "There's this rustic place I was told about called The Rainbow Lodge – name sounds a might odd, but heard the food is something else," he said as he secured the helmet over her head.

"Interesting name," she grinned. "Sounds like a place where unicorns frolic."

He chuckled as he slid his helmet on. "I doubt they'd be frolicking if they were there – but we might could see their heads on the wall."

She frowned. If unicorns were real, they'd deserve a better fate than that. "So animals cross the rainbow bridge and end up at the rainbow lodge."

"Yup. Sounds about right," he said as he started the bike and headed out. He stopped at a Shell for gas and got directions for The Rainbow Lodge. He wasn't familiar with Houston and wasn't about to waste time driving around aimlessly trying to find it. He was directed to Memorial Drive and Birdsall Street.

The restaurant was as rustic as he'd been told. There was a hand-carved bar, dated decorations and animal mountings covering the walls. The atmosphere reminded him of a historic hunter's lodge. They were led to a small table and chairs. He seated his girl and then joined her. Their table had a small statue of a duck in flight on it. The chandeliers overhead were made of antlers. He was glad Amber didn't have an aversion to hunting or this date would have tanked hard.

He ordered steak and she had duck. The food was every bit as good as he'd been told. With full bellies and an experience to remember they hit the road for the long trip back home. They didn't beat the dark back, but he didn't mind driving at night. When he pulled into the garage he asked her if she wanted first call on the bathroom, but she'd told him to go ahead, that she was going to call her mom to let her know they'd gotten home safe.

He felt much more comfortable once he'd finished his business and he met her on the stairs when he was coming back down. He hugged his parents in passing and then fell back on his bed. It felt good to just lie down.

Amber saw Joel sprawled on the bed and snuggled in next to him. "Our moms gave me permission to stay the night…if you've a mind to let me."

He grinned. They hadn't spent the night at each other's house in years. "Kickin' you outta my bed is the last thing I wanna do, Ams," he murmured as he pulled her in for a kiss. "If'n you recall, I have a promise to keep." And he did. He made love to her until they were both too exhausted to move and fell asleep in each other's arms.

-BREAK FOUR-

The next week was the best he could remember. He spent the majority of his time with Amber and Tommy whenever he wasn't off with his friends. But like all good things, it had to end. He was now spending his days apprenticing under his father at Sterling and learning how to read blueprints and build houses. It was honest, hard word and he was learning a lot from his dad. He also now understood why his dad just came home and sat around until he went to bed most nights. Regardless how tired he was, he still enjoyed his evenings and weekends with Amber.

Six weeks later, the doorbell rang. It rang a second time before he remembered his parents had taken Tommy and gone to the store to pick up groceries. He released a slow breath. "I'll be right back," he told Amber.

When he opened the door he was shocked to see Becky standing there. "What do you want?" He knew his tone was abrupt, but he didn't care.

Becky pursed her lips. "I need money, Joel."

He shook his head in stunned disbelief. "Then ask your parents," he stated the obvious.

She wrung her hands together in agitation. "I can't. They'd kill me if they found out!"

He raked a hand through his hair and sighed in exasperation. "Found out what, Becky?"

"I'm pregnant, Joel!" she hissed.

He rolled his eyes. "That's not my concern. Go tell Ian and leave me the hell alone."

She had told Ian and he'd slammed the door in her face. "Ian and I – we've only recently..." she lied. "The baby's yours, Joel and I need money for an abortion."

An icy grip seized his heart and he took a stumbling step back. "You're wrong," he wheezed through a tight throat. "It was only one drunk night, Becky. It can't be mine." No…no…no…That's when Ian's words came back to haunt him. 'One day, wonder-boy – that house of cards you're standin' on is gonna crumble and I hope I'm there to watch ya fall.' Ian wasn't here, but he could feel his whole world shift beneath his feet and he knew that he was falling and there was no safety net to catch him. Not this time.

"That's all it takes, Joel!" Her gaze shifted to the girl that had come up behind Joel. "Don't think this can't happen to you, miss perfect!"

Joel spun around to see the wide eyed look of pain in Amber's face and his heart shattered. He took a step towards her, but she held up a hand to ward him off. His head fell in defeat when she ran from him. He heard his sliding door close and knew that she'd left. That was when he realized he'd lost everything. Amber had realized before he had what Becky's pregnancy meant. She had known him too well, better than he'd known himself.

He turned back around to face a girl that repulsed him. "I'm not givin' you money ta kill my baby, but I'll take responsibility. I'll marry ya and give the baby my name." The words tasted like ash coming off his lips.

"How noble of you," Becky sneered with a stamp of her foot. "Ya might be willing to ruin your life, but I'm not! Give me the money I need so you can go back to your little girlfriend!"

"I'm not giving you a goddamned dime, Becky!" he shouted. "Marry me or not, but you will not kill my baby – have I made myself clear?" He was furious at her and himself. One stupid party – one stupid decision to get drunk and he'd single handedly laid everything he had or wanted to have to waste.

She'd backed herself into a corner. She wanted to screech that it wasn't his baby, but she couldn't. If he wouldn't give her money to get rid of the parasite then her only option was to marry him. Ian certainly wasn't going to marry her; he never wanted to see her again. Must be nice to be a guy and able to walk away from any mistakes he made without even a look back. She lowered her eyes and stared at the floor. She would never get her life back now. "Fine, Joel. I'll marry ya when my parents find out, but not until then." Her mouth opened then closed. There was nothing more to say. She turned and walked away.

He closed the door and leaned against it when his legs threatened to give out. He wanted to go see Amber but he knew he had to give her time, because her world had just been shattered too. He felt as though he'd just been dropped into a hell there was no escape from…a hell of his own making. He made his way slowly to the sofa and collapsed on it.

When his parents got home, he helped them put the groceries away on auto-pilot and then called them into the living room to talk to them once Tommy went upstairs to his room.

Bethanne took her son's hand and looked at her husband bleakly. Her son deserved better than the likes of Becky. He deserved Ams. Her heart went out to her son and to Ams. She could only imagine the pain Ams was going through after waiting for years for her son to see her as a woman.

"Son, this isn't the olden days, ya don't have to marry that girl – you can just help support the baby," Quinn pointed out.

He squeezed his mother's hand and rose to pace. "I don't wanna be a part-time dad. I want ta be there every night for my child –like ya were for me. I want my child to have my name. No, dad – there is no choice. This is my responsibility and I'll handle it."

Bethanne rose to hug her son. "Do what ya feel ya need to do. This ain't gonna be easy for anyone, but we will always stand behind ya, Joe-Joe."

A week later Becky arrived at his door with suitcase in hand and tears running down her cheeks. "Mama and daddy kicked me out. Mama found my pregnancy test in the trash….I have no place else to go," she said quietly.

Joel raked a hand through his hair, opened the door wider and took the suitcase from her hand. And so it begins. "Follow me," he said dully. He glanced at his parents, who'd heard everything and nodded. He knew they didn't want her in their house but he also knew they'd never kick a pregnant girl out onto the streets. He led her back to his room. "You can stay here – I'll sleep on the sofa. Have ya eaten dinner?"

"Yes," she nodded and crumpled on the bed to cry.

He sat down next to her and laid a hand on her arm. "Look, we'll get through this Becky. We're not the first teenage parents and we won't be the last."

"But this is MY life," she said with a fresh burst of tears.

He frowned and stood up. "Grow up, Becky! It's not just your life, it's my life too."

"Then ya should have given me the money – none of this had to happen! This is your fault!" She pulled his pillow over her head and screamed at the top of her lungs.

"I'm not gonna let you kill my baby!" He grabbed an extra pillow and blanket and had to stop himself from slamming the door when he left the room.

He dropped the pillow and blanket on the recliner. "I'm going to go see Ams," he said quietly because his mom was on the phone.

He hurried over to her house. It was the first time she'd been willing to speak with him in a week. Mama Nell answered the door and pulled him into a hug. "Life ain't always fair. I'm sorry, Joe-Joe. Ams is upstairs."

"Thanks, Mama Nell – this isn't want I wanted. I thought Ams and I…." his words trailed off.

"I know, honey…so did I." She wiped her eyes. "Go on upstairs now," she said as she shooed him with her hands. She didn't want to add to his guilt by seeing her burst into tears.

He hurried up the stairs and turned right. He opened the door and came to stop when he saw her staring out the window towards his house. His eyes filled up with tears. He may not have been head in the clouds in love with her, but she was his soulmate, his best friend, family…and he loved her enough to want to build a life with her. He didn't doubt for a moment how happy they could have been together.

He caught sight of two suitcases and tears fell unchecked down his cheeks. She was leaving. He was really losing her. He closed the door and joined her at the window. "Ams…" the word was barely more than a whisper, his throat too tight to talk.

She turned and pulled him into a hug, not bothering to try to hide her red eyes and wet cheeks. "I had to see ya before – before I left. My parents are taking me to Houston tomorrow. I'll be internin' for a year...maybe two and then I might apply to the CDC in Atlanta, Georgia. I'm sorry, Joe-Joe – it would hurt too much to stay and see ya with her."

His heart squeezed painfully. He'd never been apart from her and now it might be years before he could see her again. "I know. I understand. But I need you to know that I will never be with her. She will have my name, but she won't have me. I can't – I can't be with her like that. She wanted me to give her the money to kill the baby. But I can't do that, Ams. I'll support the baby, but I won't kill it. I wish…it doesn't matter what I wish," he mumbled.

She pulled back to look at him. "What do you wish, Joe-Joe?"

He grazed his fingers along her cheek. "So many things. I wish I could turn back time and not go to that fucking party. I wish you were having my baby – not her." He blinked. "I'm sorry – I shouldn't have said that. I don't mean to hurt ya, but it's you I want to marry…I – I can't even stand her." He shuddered.

"But you are too much of a gentleman to walk away, even if the price ya have to pay is high," she said gently.

His fingers slipped through her golden brown hair to cup her head. "It's too goddamned high. I can't bear the thought of losin' ya, Ams."

She swallowed hard. "Ya ain't losing me, Joe-Joe. I just need time. You're my best friend. I'll always love you."

He closed his eyes. It felt like his heart was being ripped to shreds. "I love you too, Ams…" he whispered.

Her heart clenched in pain. She knew he loved her, he showed her in lots of little ways, but it was the first time he'd ever told her. She rose on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his. When he deepened the kiss with a groan she couldn't refuse him. She needed this one last time with him, before he would be out of her reach forever. Just one more time and then she would let him go.

He ended up staying the night with her. He made love to her until they were exhausted. He held her in his arms as they slept and made love to her again when they woke up. He didn't leave her side until Mama Nell and Papa Will drove off with her looking out the window at him with cheeks at wet as his own. Nothing would ever be the same again…and it was all his fault. He'd destroyed what they had and now they all had to face the consequences.

-BREAK FIVE-

His mom had made arrangements with Becky's parents and a special marriage license was signed three weeks later. He was officially married…but to the wrong girl. Becky chose to go to a magnet school her senior year that centered around pregnant teenagers. She didn't want to face her friends at school. He understood that. He continued playing football his senior year – it was his only hope of a college scholarship and a future. He worked an evening job so he could have his wife covered by medical insurance.

He could do nothing about the tension in the house. His parents tried to include Becky and make her feel like part of the family, even though he knew they couldn't stand her. But Becky acted like being there was as pleasant as a burr up her ass. His relationship with Tommy had become Rocky. He didn't understand why his brother kept pushing at him, but it was becoming harder and harder not to knock him on his ass.

From Ams he heard nothing… at least nothing that told him anything. Her replies to his emails were short and stilted. He knew she was alive, but nothing more. Her parents assured him she was fine, just busy with her internship. God, he missed her. His life was spinning out of control and he had no one to turn to so he bottled it up and kept pushing forward one step at a time.

On February 22, Becky gave birth to a 7.12lb baby girl. He hadn't been able to make it home in time for the delivery because his boss wouldn't let him go. When he arrived at the hospital he went straight to the nursery to see her. The nurse rolled the bassinet to Becky's room so he could spend some time with her. Thankfully, Becky was asleep. He settled into the chair next to his mother and the nurse put his daughter in his arms.

She was swaddled in a pink blanket, a soft hat with a bow on her head. To him, she was the prettiest little mite he'd ever seen. "Has she been named yet?" he asked quietly.

Bethanne frowned. "No, Becky wanted nothing to do with her."

His lips tightened. "Fine. Then I'll name her Sarah Beth Miller." Sarah was his paternal grandmother. She died a few years past, but he'd been close to her. Naming her after two important people in his life seemed like the right thing to do. He passed the baby to his mother when the nurse came in with admittance, insurance and birth certificate paperwork for him to fill out.

He laid the clipboard on the table when he completed the paperwork. The nurse came in to collect the clipboard and handed him a small bottle. She made sweet little humming noises as she drank. He didn't have to like Becky to love this little girl. He hadn't expected to feel the kind of attachment he had for the baby. But from the moment he'd first clapped eyes on her she was the most precious thing in the world to him.

Becky and Sarah got to come home the next day. Becky still refused to have anything to do with her daughter, so he was the one that got up for her nighttime feedings. When his mother noticed what was going on, she'd gotten on Becky's case, but Becky was her normal, stubborn self. So his mother put in her two week notice at work so that she could be home for the baby. Mama Nell watched Sarah during the days until his mom's two week obligation was up.

It was financially tight for the next three months living off his father's income and what little he brought in with his part time job. When he graduated in mid May, he took a fulltime job at Sterling and worked alongside his father. Any hopes of college went up in flames. He'd had to pass on the scholarships and even the NFL offers. He had a baby to take care of and he had no intension of being a part-time father.

When he and his father arrived home from work, he saw his mom and Mama Nell talking quietly at the kitchen table with babies in their arms. Mama Nell and Papa Will weren't handling the whole 'empty nest' thing very well and had adopted a newborn baby girl a couple of months back. "So we finally get to meet the newest Hanson," Joel teased as he dropped a kiss on his daughter's forehead and then looked down at the two month old. "Welcome, little Lindsey – I bet you and Sarah are gonna be the best of friends just like me and Amber." He forced a smile and pushed the emotion down deep. Every day of his life he missed her. She'd left behind a hole in his heart that nothing could fill.

The babies were very different in appearance. His Sarah took after her mother. She had white blonde hair coming in and bright blue eyes. Little Lindsey had brown hair and dark blue eyes that were likely going to turn brown when she got a little older. But it would be just like old times with a Miller and Hanson growing up together.

Nellie smiled up at the man she considered a son. "Do you want to hold her, Joe-Joe?" He deserved to know the truth about Lindsey, but it wasn't her truth to tell.

When he held out his arms, Mama Nell placed the little girl in them. "Hello there, baby girl." He grinned when she gripped his finger in her tiny hand. She wasn't as loud as Sarah but she just as adorable. She stared at him intently for a moment and then her little mouth curved up into a tongue filled smile.

Becky stepped out of the room for a glass of wine and caught sight of Joel holding the baby that she'd heard about. The baby's dark hair so similar to Joel's. That was when the truth dawned on her and a spiteful worm of jealousy bore through her. "Get that brat outta of my house! I don't want her near Sarah!" she screeched.

Both babies startled and began to cry. He kissed Lindsey's forehead and handed her back to Mama Nell before storming over to his wife. He gripped her arm, yanked her back into the bedroom and closed the door. "This is NOT your house, Becky! You have made us all well aware how little ya like bein' here and how little you give a damn or respect anyone in this house. You have NO right ta dictate who is welcome here and ya don't give two shits about Sarah – so quit actin' like a child!"

His words were infuriating. "You are so fuckin' blind ta everythin', Joel. Get out – get the fuck out," she said as she gave his chest a hard shove. When the door closed behind him, she curled up into a ball on the bed and gave into the tears. He was responsible for everything that happened to her. The pregnancy, the loss of her friends, the stretch marks…she was so goddamned lonely and it was all his fault. She was married to a man that could barely look at her much less touch her. She stayed hoping he would join the NFL. When that didn't happen, she had to console herself that he was going to start singing again and would become a famous singer she could at least be proud of. That was the only thing that kept her in this hell.

He stared at the closed door and shook his head. A creak of wood drew his attention and he glanced over at the stairs to see his dad coming down, fresh from a shower, and then looked over at the ladies. "I'm sorry about that."

Bethanne frowned at her son. It was not his fault. "Don't you even take the blame for something she did, Joe-Joe. Becky is responsible for her own actions – that is something life is going to teach her sooner or later."

"Becky strikes again?" Quinn asked quietly.

"Yeah, she said Lindsey wasn't allowed in her house or near Sarah," Joel admitted.

"Joel took care of it, honey." Bethanne told him.

Quinn nodded at took a closer look at the newest Hanson. The smile faded from his lips when he noticed the small, slightly darker patch of skin behind the baby's ear, nearly covered up by her dark hair. He gently ran his hand over the top of her head and used his thumb to separate the hairs. He looked from the baby to Nellie and back to the baby before he swung his head to look at his son. "Son, why don't you go up and take a shower – you're smellin' a bit ripe."

Joel flushed in embarrassment. After the Becky incident he'd completely forgotten he was going to shower. "Yes, sir." He hurried up the stairs to wash away a day's worth of sweat.

Quinn turned to Nellie when he heard the bathroom door close. "He has a right to know, Nellie."

Nellie's mouth fell open and then slammed shut. "How did you know?"

He pointed to the patch of skin. "She has the same beauty mark Joel has behind his ear. I'm not sure if he's ever noticed it, but we noticed it when he was a baby."

Nellie looked at where Quinn had pointed and sighed. "It's not my place to say anything, Quinn."

Bethanne was stunned, she hadn't noticed the mark before and now she couldn't unsee it. "Why would Ams not want to tell him?"

Nellie kissed her grandbaby. "He's struggling with the family he's got, she doesn't want to burden him further…and she doesn't want to hurt him. He'd told her all he wanted was to marry her and have her bear his children. She was told she'd never get pregnant. Lindsey is our little miracle baby. But to know he could have had all he wanted…" she shook her head. "He was already married by the time she found out she was carrying his babe. She was afraid he might destroy his family to marry her. She couldn't bear that kind of guilt."

"This isn't going to end well. He's going to feel like she betrayed him," Quinn pointed out.

Nellie looked at him helplessly. "Maybe so, but she could handle that more than she could handle breaking up his family. I'm not saying I agree with what she'd doing, Quinn – but can you honestly say that Joel wouldn't divorce Becky the moment he found out about Lindsey? That Becky wouldn't retaliate by taking Sarah from him just to hurt him? I realize she'd get sick of the baby soon and probably dump her off on Joel to go live her life, but what would Sarah suffer through before that happened?" Nellie shook her head. "There were just too many consequences. I know she'll tell him when she thinks the time is right."

Bethanne held Sarah tighter. What Nellie predicted would likely come to pass. "You understand that if we say nothing that we are betrayin' our son too."

"I'm sorry," Nellie said softly. "You weren't supposed to find out. I just wanted Sarah and Lindsey to have the chance to be close, even if they can't know they are sisters yet."

"How is Ams doing?" Quinn asked in a tight voice.

Nellie wiped her eyes. "She took a four week break after Lindsey's birth so she could spend time with her daughter and bond with her. Bein' away from Lindsey is hard on her. But she wants to finish her internship and have a steady job so that she can take care of her."

Quinn nodded. It was the responsible thing to do if you had parents willing to help. "It's not right, a father has the right to know his children…but I also think you're right about Becky and what she would do. Becky is unstable; we can't risk anything happening to Sarah." He shook his head. It was sad that it had come to that.

Nellie cleared her throat when Joel came down the stairs. "Take a seat in the chair, Joe-Joe. I want to take a pic of the two girls together – if'n ya don't mind holding them both for me."

Joel grinned. "Anything for you, Mama Nell." He lowered himself into the soft recliner and rounded his arms to cradle each baby against his chest. Once the girls were settled against him, he grinned up at the camera on her phone.

Nellie then sent copies of the pic to their emails and her daughter. "Thanks, Joe-Joe." She picked up Lindsey and wrapped her in a blanket. "I need to get her home so I don't mess up her sleep schedule. See ya tomorrow, Beth. Night all," she said as she slipped out the door, Will following with a silent salute.

His parents kissed the top of his head before they headed up to bed. He was used to his mom's kisses, but his dad had surprised him. He hadn't done that since he was child. He laid his baby girl in her playpen while he fixed her a bottle. Then he scooped her up and sang softly to her as he rocked her in the chair and fed her.

-BREAK SIX-

Over the next few months, Joel had started playing the guitar and singing to his daughter. She inspired him to the point that he'd go out to Teiner's on Saturday night and sing there as well. Much to his displeasure, Becky had insisted on joining him, putting on some big song and dance as if they were a happily married couple. He had no clue what she was up to, but that was probably for the best. Sarah was growing so fast he could swear he could actually see it. She was crawling…then standing while holding onto something and her teeth were coming in.

Whenever he got home from work, his mom would fill him in on everything Sarah and Lindsey had been up to. She also let him know that Becky had new friends and was disappearing for most of the day. He had hoped that Becky would come to love Sarah like he did, but it seemed she was just becoming more distant. Maybe she just needed more time. Regardless, his heart went out to his daughter. At least she was too young to be hurt by her mother's actions. But someday – if Becky didn't come around, she would feel that pain.

His friendship with Ams was also finally starting to get back on track. She was more outgoing in her emails and even talked to him now and again on the phone. He doubted they would ever get back what they had, but so long as she was in his life he was content. She'd even let him know that she'd started dating a man named Mark. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but so long as he made her happy he would support her decision.

Ever since Mama Nell and Papa Will adopted Lindsey, Amber had been coming back home for the weekends. Once in a while, she would even show up at Teiner's to watch him sing. He enjoyed those nights, it was almost like old times, except she made sure they were never alone together. Maybe she didn't trust him anymore or maybe she didn't trust herself and that was probably for the best, because he still wanted to make love to her. He hadn't been with anyone since her and she was the only one he would forsake his vows for.

Today, they were having a small party for Sarah's first birthday. It was a Saturday so even Ams and Mark were going to be able to make it. He doubted he was going to like seeing Ams with another man, but he wanted to meet Mark. Lots of pictures were taken. No one could resist the two babies with cake covered faces. He even had to grudgingly admit that he liked Mark. He was smart and witty and seemed to adore the ground Ams walked on. He even seemed to enjoy playing with the babies. The only person that wasn't there for Sarah's birthday was her mother.

He ran into Amber when he was coming out of the bathroom and found himself hugging her. She felt so good in his arms that he didn't want to let her go.

She clung to him for a moment and took a deep breath. "My life didn't turn out as I wanted it to…but sometimes dreams don't come true and you have to learn to live with that. I'll always love you, Joe-Joe. You'll always be the love of my life. It's just – it's time for me to move on. And Mark – he's not you….but he's a damned good guy."

She was a beautiful woman that deserved the chance to be happy, even if it couldn't be with him. "I know, Ams. So long as he makes you happy, I'll be content."

She wanted so badly to tell him about Lindsey, but the fallout would be devastating. There was not a doubt in her mind that Joel would leave Becky and that Becky would go ape shit and baby Sarah would be caught in the crosshairs. "Thank you, Joel." She released him and slipped into the bathroom to compose herself.

He exhaled a slow, ragged breath, squared his shoulders and went back down to join the others. The party ended when the baby girls were too tired to keep their eyes open.

Three months later, his father surprised his mother with an Alaskan cruise for their anniversary. After the cruise they were going to fly out to a remote town and play homesteader for a week. They would be panning for gold in a creek, riding horses, cooking over an open fire and living like they did in the olden days. He doubted he'd enjoy living without electricity and toilet paper, but his mama loved the idea.

Mama Nell watched Sarah during the day while his parents were away. When they didn't call him, he started to get concerned. Maybe they'd liked the homesteading so much they decided to stay on a bit longer. They couldn't exactly call him from where they were – there was no cell service. When a second week went by, he knew something was wrong. His parents wouldn't have been gone that long without finding a way to notify him. He put Sarah to bed in the crib he'd made her and located the information concerning the travel agency they'd gone through. Mary, the travel agent, assured him she would reach out to the Klondike Experience company to find out where his parents were. All he could do now was wait.

When he got home from work the next day, Tommy told him there was a message left on the recorder with a number to call. He picked up the phone and dialed the number. "Hello, is Kenoah Yakecen there?" He waited for the receptionist to get him.

"This is Keno, what can I do for you?" Kenoah asked.

"My name is Joel Miller. My parents, Bethany and Quinn Miller, booked a stay at the Klondike Experience. A message was left on my machine to call. I'm trying to locate them." There was a brief silence.

"I'm extremely sorry, Mr. Miller. I was going to call you when I learned more. They left Lime Village on May 26th in a Piper PA-18. The last contact we had with the pilot mentioned navigational failure. After that we lost contact with him. A bad thunderstorm cell came in from seemingly nowhere. It is believed that the craft was struck by lightning multiple times. Likely hitting the fuel tank. Debris is scattered over 120 meters. No bodies have been found. There are rescue parties scouring the woods for possible survivors."

An icy cold saturated his body. This wasn't happening. This was a nightmare and he'd wake up sweating with his heart racing, but everything would be fine. He had to force words through his tight throat. "The search parties…that's just a formality, ain't it?" The silence was deafening.

Kenoah exhaled slowly. If he were the one receiving the news he would not want someone to give him false hope. "Honestly, yes. We believe the temperature was too extreme to allow for …anything recognizable to be left intact. But that hasn't stopped the men and women from coming together to search for survivors."

Joel cleared his throat. "Thank you," he said hoarsely, "for not bullshitting me."

Kenoah felt awful about what happened. It was a vicious act of God, there was nothing the pilot could have done, but still it had happened on his watch. "I wouldn't want to hear bullshit either. I'll let you know when the final report is out."

He thanked the man again and hung up. He would wait to tell Tommy until the final report was out. It would give him time to come to grips with what happened before he had to face Tommy's grief as well. He would need to talk to Mama Nell too, to see if he could hire her to watch Sarah full time, at least until Tommy got home from school.

He wasn't sure if his parents had life insurance, it wasn't something they'd ever talked about. Regardless, things were about to get much tighter for them. He would have to get a second job to keep their heads above water. That meant he'd have less time to spend with his baby girl.

By the time he was notified of the report and his parents' deaths were declared, he'd already had a second job lined out. He took Sarah to Mama Nell's so that he could spend the evening talking things out with Tommy. It was heartbreaking for both of them. The pain brought them close in a way they hadn't experienced since Becky moved in.

He was grateful that his brother was willing to step in and take care of Sarah after school. He'd even eventually talked Mama Nell into being paid to watch Sarah. What he didn't know what that she put the money aside into a trust fund for Lindsey from him.

Four weeks later, he came home from work to find Becky in the front room with two suitcases. "Going somewhere?" he asked, though now he was beyond caring.

"I waited and waited for you to do something with your life. You gave up the NFL – for what? Your parents would have helped ya with Sarah. Ya could have made a name for yourself – we could have been rich and ya threw it all way! Fine. I hung on because I thought you'd start singin' again. Teiner's gave me a breath of hope that ya would do somethin'. That your name would be in lights – you'd be a famous singer…we would go on tours. But ya pissed all over that, Joel, and ya refused to be a husband to me. You're a nothing...a nobody…a loser - and ya ain't never goin' to amount to shit! I can't do this anymore!"

He knew this conversation would be coming at some point. Fine. So be it. "I have a daughter, Becky! I have a responsibility to her and I had no intension of being an on the road dad. I was hopin' you would come around someday and love Sarah like I do, but you'd have to actually have heart to be capable of lovin' anyone but yourself!"

Her lips thinned. "You knew I wasn't ready to be a mother! I begged you for money to get rid of that little brat. Do you know what they do to you at abortion clinics? They make you watch a video of a baby getting its limbs and body torn into chunks and sucked up a hose. It was disgustin', but I knew I needed it anyway. I wasn't ready then and I sure as hell ain't ready now!" She shook her head. "You refused to grant me freedom."

He had no clue abortions were like that. To think she would have done such a thing to Sarah. "I wasn't going to let you kill my child!"

"Your child…your precious Sarah…" she laughed hysterically. "The joke's on you, Joel! You lost your girlfriend…your future…all for a baby that ain't even yours!"

He wondered when she was going to get around to telling him. "Ya think I didn't know? She looks just like you an' Ian, but I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. I didn't need to sire her to love her. She's MY daughter and I'd do anything for her!"

She'd wanted to hurt him for all the pain and heartache he'd put her through and she was denied even that. "I should have used a fucking coat hanger – after we got married! You'd have lost your girlfriend and your precious daughter! I'd have had the last laugh and you'd be left with nothin'!"

He'd learned far more than he ever wanted to learn. He knew she was a selfish bitch, but he'd chalked it up to being immature. Thought she'd eventually grow out of it. But she was a black-hearted viper and now he realized she always had been. "Get the hell outta my house and don't you never come back!" he seethed.

She laughed and tossed her light blonde hair. "Oh -I'm gone, Joel…even you couldn't have missed my bags. But you'll never be free of me, Joel. You'll never get to go back to Miss Perfect. In the end, I win."

He was glad she was leaving. Sarah didn't need that hateful woman in her life. "It doesn't matter anymore – Ams is getting married. So, I could give two shits what you do as long as I never see you again."

She heard the car honk, picked up her bags and headed for the front door – eager to get away from this hell. "Poor Joe-Joe…too little too late to have his perfect little life with his perfect little Am-ber," she said snidely. "…all because he had to play white-knight. Now, all he has left in the world is a bratty brother and bastard child." She laughed. "Some guys have all the luck – but you done kicked a leprechaun two years ago. Have fun with that – Joe-Joe." She slammed the door and hurried to the car.

Joel picked up Sarah when she started crying. "Shhh…It's gonna be alright, baby girl," he said in a soothing voice as he rocked her.

Tommy hurried down the stairs, his face red with fury, and threw himself down on the sofa. He couldn't help but overhear since Becky had been screeching. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

Joel smiled at his brother. "More so than I've been in a long time, little brother. The house just feels lighter with her gone. You…me…Sarah…we're gonna be just fine."

Tommy had been surprised to learn that Sarah wasn't Joel's real daughter. His brother had given up so much for little Sarah. He knew his brother regretted losing Ams, but he never once regretted Sarah. Joel's eyes lit up whenever he saw his daughter. He was still reeling from the loss of their parents and everything Joel had to do to keep them fed and a roof over their head, but he believed in his brother's words. Joel always knew what needed to be done and did it without complaint. "Yup, we're gonna be just fine."

-BREAK SEVEN-

It was nearly three years later when Henry knocked on his door and handed him a certified divorce decree. He hadn't seen or heard from Becky since she left and it was no surprise to him that she didn't even bother showing up at court. The judge stamped the divorce and gave him full custody of Sarah. They were both finally free of Becky. He only had a single picture of Becky that had been taken when they were dating. He didn't want to keep it, but he kept it for Sarah. She had a right to know about her mom and if she ever asked he would only say she wasn't ready to have children so they'd agreed that he would raise her. He didn't want to badmouth Becky to her. Maybe, if she ever sought to find her, he would come clean. He did not want to see his baby girl get hurt again by her mother.

By the time Tommy was sixteen, he'd gotten really good at pushing Joel's buttons and as brothers were wont to do, he'd not always reacted kindly to Tommy's pushes – though they never fought in front of his daughter. She had a way of calming him. Not by anything she did, just by her being there. Tommy also started apprenticing under him during the summer so that he would have something to fall back on if he didn't go to college.

Ams and Mark had both taken jobs at the CDC in Atlanta, Georgia. During the summers he'd had to hire someone to watch Sarah during the day once Tommy turned sixteen and decided to get a summer job, because the Hansons all went to spend the summer months in Georgia with Amber. The woman he'd found to take care of Sarah worked part time at Teiner's. Her name was Marci and she had a daughter about Sarah's age, so at least Sarah had a friend to spend time with over the summer.

Tommy loved football as much as he did, but he couldn't talk him into playing it. He had it in his head that he would always be in his older brother's shadow and he'd rather do his own thing, so instead he played soccer and when Sarah was old enough to tumble about the backyard he started playing with her. Sarah loved running after the black and white ball, even if she spent more time tripping over her own feet then actually kicking it.

When Tommy turned eighteen on August 16, 2007, Marci watched Sarah so that he could spend time with his brother. They'd rented Harley's and went on a road trip. They started out in the Texas panhandle. They visited the Buddy Holly Center in Lubbock, the Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, they rode horses in the Palo Duro Canyon and in Wichita Falls. They then headed to New Mexico and visited the Roswell UFO Museum and toured the Carlsbad Caverns with a ranger tour guide. In Arizona they explored Tombstone's Wild West exhibits and joined a Grand Canyon tour on horseback. They rode along the coast of California, stopping every now and again to rent surfboards. In Oregon they went to Depoe Bay and rented a charter to get close to the resident pod of grey whales. They rode the Washington coastline all the way up to the Olympic National park where they hiked out to see the hot springs and waterfalls.

On the ride back the only stops they made were to eat and sleep. They needed to get back to work.

While the road trip with Tommy was memorable and something they badly needed, he'd missed his daughter tremendously and called her at least once a day if he had reception. One day he hoped to make this journey with Sarah – maybe take her to the Disney Adventure Park.

When Tommy graduated, Joel helped him get a job at Sterling. A few months later,Tommy moved out of the house to start his own life. He still came over on the weekends and they had Saturday nights at Teiner's, but they needed time apart too. Working together and living together had strained things and they both welcomed the break.

He moved Sarah into Tommy's room. She let them both know she wasn't pleased that Tommy moved out, but she came to enjoy having a bedroom that actually had a closet and was close to the bathroom. He left the twin bed in the den in case Tommy or a guest needed somewhere to sleep. He also couldn't bring himself to sell or dismantle the crib that he'd made her when she was a baby. But he made use of the rest of the room as an office.

Since they only had a one car garage and he used that to design wooden furniture, he ended up parking his mom's car in their large backyard in front of the shed. He still used it when they went into town to get groceries or he took the three girls out to the park, but his primary vehicle was his dad's truck since he had to use it every day for work. His bike tended to be neglected. Sarah wasn't old enough to ride with him on it and he went few places without her. Tommy had borrowed it after he first moved out until he bought an SUV. Now it pretty much gathered dust in the shed…a relic of his past.

After the divorce he occasionally went out on a date every now and again, if only for a bit of companionship, but his heart wasn't in it. He didn't want to bring anyone into Sarah's life that could potentially hurt her. One day maybe he would find someone he connected with, but if he didn't he was content with how things were. In all honesty, he didn't have time for anyone else in his life. He worked long hours with two jobs and didn't get to spend as much time with his daughter as he wanted. Having someone else in the picture would lessen the time he had with her. And time with Sarah was not something he was willing to give up; children grew up too quickly.