Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry for the wait. It's been a hectic few weeks. And I'm still having the same old technical difficulties. Thanks so much for sticking with the story. You guys are awesome.

It's a short one, just a bit of Paily fluff, but I hope that you enjoy it all the same.

Chapter 18

Emily squeezed her eyes tightly shut and burrowed deeper into the pillow, resisting the pull of wakefulness, afraid that with it she would lose the warm, contented feeling that had enveloped her in sleep. The steady tick of the clock on the bedside table and the glow of daylight streaming in through a gap in the curtains and the slow, steady rasp of breathing in her ear combined to pull her further and further into consciousness. With a soft sigh of displeasure she opened her eyes and tried to stretch out sleep heavy limbs, only to find her movements hampered by the body pressed against her back and the arm wrapped around her waist that kept her arm trapped at her side.

Slowly the events of last night came back to her, along with the realization that the feeling she had been fighting to hold onto had carried from wakefulness to sleep, not the other way around. After Paige's fumbling but adorable invitation the two of them had retreated into her room and climbed into bed together. Each of them taking their usual side without discussion or consultation, like it was the most natural thing in the world. And maybe it was. It had been, at one point. Emily had settled on her back, and then shuffled towards the middle of the bed. Paige had met her there, curling into Emily's side, head on her shoulder, arm around her waist. A familiar position that they had slipped into as easily and comfortably as one night slip into an old sweater. They had fallen asleep like that, but must have shifted through the night, with Emily rolling onto her side and Paige following, which lead to Emily waking now with Paige wrapped around her.

She couldn't think of a more perfect moment than this and was eager to just soak in every ounce of it. The weight of Paige's arm around her waist, the warmth of her breath on the side of her neck, the solidness of her body at her back.

Paige stirred and murmured softly in her sleep, her lips brushing against Emily's skin, her fingers twitching against her stomach where they rested. Emily smiled softly to herself and shifted back into her, burrowing in. Gradually the press of her lips against Emily's neck and the shifting of her fingers grew firmer, deliberate.

"Mmm. Morning." Her voice was low and thick with sleep. The words slightly muffled by Emily's hair.

"Good morning."

Rather than pulling away as she woke, Paige's grip tightened and she pulled her closer. Not that Emily was complaining, or had any intention of moving. She was perfectly happy right where she was.

"Sleep okay?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah." It had been the best sleep she could remember having in a long time. Paige hummed softly in the back of her throat in what Emily assumed was agreement.

It felt like it used to, before things went bad. If Emily were to close her eyes it would be as if she were back in their shoebox of an apartment just off campus, with the leaky kitchen faucet and the busted radiator and the window that wouldn't close all the way. Today could be just like any other morning, the two of them waking together in their queen size IKEA bed that was too big for their bedroom but they had found online and was too good a deal to pass up. They'd lie in bed cuddling and whispering and giggling as the sun crept into the room through threadbare curtains.

Until everything fell apart and they lay in bed with miles between them. If Paige even came to bed at all. Most mornings Emily would wake to find Paige sleeping on the couch. Until the whispers and laughter turned into fighting and then the fighting turned into silence. The two of them drifting around the apartment like ghosts.

It had happened slowly, and yet startling quickly. It had taken months, the path towards their future crumbling gradually beneath their feet. But Emily had been numb to it. So caught up in her grief and anger over her father's death that the pain of losing the love of her life, no pushing love out of her life, hadn't hit her until well after Paige had walked out the door. It left her feeling like it had been whisked away from her in an instant.

She had come to terms with and accepted responsibly for her part in the demise of their relationship. But because of the way things had gone down she felt like there were some things she had left unsaid. She had sworn that she would voice them, if given the chance. She had never really believed she would have one. And now here she was, having been handed a golden opportunity and she found herself uncertain whether bringing it up was the best course of action or whether she should leave it be. She knew it was mostly nerves. That the right thing to do was absolve Paige of the guilt and recriminations she knew the other woman was feeling. That she was just afraid of upsetting the delicate balance of their détente. But knowing that didn't make it any easier to bring up their painful past, even if it would most likely put the spectre of it to rest. Still, she knew she had to try.

"I'm sorry," she said softly into the sleepy silence that had fallen between them.

Paige's grip tightened as she stiffened, her whole body going rigid. "Sorry for what?" she asked, her voice low, her words edged with tension, with fear.

Emily cursed herself for not realizing that by jumping right into things like the way she had Paige probably assumed she meant she was sorry for right now. Or perhaps last night, leading up to their current position.

"Not for this." Emily draped her arm over the one slung around her waist and tugged it more securely around herself, burrowing in. "Never for this."

"So, what then?" Paige sounded wary, and a bit confused.

Not that Emily could blame her. Three sentences in and she was already making a mess of this. It was too late to turn back now though. This was a conversation that was long over due.

"Where do I even start?" she asked, unable to prevent a short, bitter laugh. "For lashing out at you. For shutting down on you. For blaming you for moving on when I couldn't. Take your pick."

She had been a wreck for a long time after her dad died, and even though she had worked through a lot of it, she knew that she would probably never be able to fully articulate everything that she had been thinking and feeling at the time. Her thoughts and emotions such a jumbled mess that she had been unable to differentiate between anger and sadness and helplessness and rage. All she knew was that it had combined to make her unbearable to live with. So much so that Paige, devoted, loyal, loving Paige had walked away because she hadn't been able to take it anymore.

Not that Emily blamed Paige for that in the least. Not anymore. At the time she certainly had, the feeling of betrayal, of being abandoned by the one person who was supposed to stand by her in everything had only added fuel to the fire of her emotional turmoil. But now, now she realized that Paige had done the only thing in her power to save not just Emily, but herself. She realized now that if Paige had stayed Emily would have dragged her down with her. And then they'd both have been lost.

"Em-"

"Don't say it's okay. Because it's not. I was terrible to you-"

"You were hurting."

"So were you."

Paige had loved Wayne too. Paige's relationship with her own father had grown leaps and bounds since those tension filled high school days, the two of them were now closer than ever. But Wayne had been there for her in times when her own father was not, and the two of them had bonded. Emily knew that her father had thought of Paige as a daughter. And she had loved him like a father.

But Emily had barely even acknowledged that. Had brushed aside the pain that she knew her girlfriend must have been feeling in favor of her own.

"I know I didn't handle it well. And I made a lot of mistakes. And I just want you to know that I know that. And I'm sorry."

If she could go back, there were a lot of things about the past she would undo. But she couldn't. She could only apologize. And try to do better.

"Thank you, for saying that," Paige said after a long moment of silence. "I don't think I realized how much I needed to hear that."

Emily nodded. She'd suspected as much. She might have told Paige the other day that she accepted full responsibility for their breakup. And while she had fully meant it, her comment had been glib. As had Paige's acknowledgment. But she wanted the other woman to know that she sincerely meant it.

"I never blamed you," Paige added after another, shorter silence. "Like I was never angry with you or hated you or anything. But I was hurt and confused and...and..."

"Angry?" Emily supplied the word. Even though Paige had just denied ever being so, Emily knew that she had to have been.

"Yeah," Paige breathed out with a sigh.

Emily knew that the guilt of that must have been eating at Paige for a long time. She knew how the other woman thought. Paige would have spent the last few years blaming herself for bailing on her grieving girlfriend and not being able to stick around to make things work. And she would have convinced herself that everyone else thought that about her too. That's why she'd been so afraid to see her mom again. That was the real reason she'd lost touch with their friends.

"Of course you were. And you had every right to be."

Paige didn't say anything, but Emily could tell from the ragged edge to her breathing that she was trying to get a handle on her emotions. They had a lot of ground from their past to cover, but Emily knew that they weren't going to get through it all at once. That was probably enough for one morning. She had said her piece, for now at least. She figured it was time to step out of the past and enjoy the present.

It was hard not to get caught up in the moment, lying in bed with Paige, her arms wrapped securely around her. It didn't take long for the heaviness of their conversation to fade away into quiet enjoyment.

Paige's fingers resumed their idle stroking. Emily hummed softly in contentment, her eyes drifting closed, a pleasant warmth washing over her. Paige pressed her lips to the back of her neck, dragging them slowly, sensuously, across her skin. The movement of her hands growing purposeful as her fingers inched higher and higher.

Emily let out a soft chuckle, when Paige's intentions became clear. The sound morphing into a moan as Paige's hands reached their destination. The pads of her fingers trailing lightly along the curve of her breast in a barely there, fleeting touch that bordered on ticklish. She squirmed lightly at the touch, a shiver coursing down her spine and turned her head, craning her neck in an attempt to meet Paige's lips with her own. The angle was awkward and Paige's firm grip around her didn't allow her much room to maneuver. She felt Paige grin against her neck and instead of loosening her hold tightened her grip, her pulling Emily more firmly against her body as her lips and tongue confined to ply across the sensitive skin just below her ear and her touch grew firmer. The fleeting brushes becoming caressing strokes. The feints and parries becoming deliberate tweaks and tugs.

The shiver down her spine now a slowly spreading fever, heat pooling low in her abdomen and radiating out in waves. Her pulse pounded in her chest, and between her legs. A dull, insistent throbbing. She whined, both in arousal and frustration. Paige chuckled softly against her neck, the vibration reverberating through her.

"Paige," she whined again. She really needed to be able to touch Paige right now. To kiss her and run her hands over her body and feel the smooth softness of her skin beneath her fingers.

Paige pressed a kiss against her shoulder then relented, loosening her grip enough to allow Emily the space to roll over. She shifted onto her back and grinned softly up at Paige.

"Hey." She reached up and tangled her fingers in Paige's hair, still not quite used to the new, shorter locks but definitely liking the grip they gave her as she pulled her head down for a proper good morning kiss. Paige sighed softly against her lips, her hand coming up to cup Emily's face gently. The kiss was slow and sweet in contrast to the heat of just a few seconds before.

It was hard to feel threatened or bogged down by the past in moments like this. The tender way in which Paige touched her, the almost reverent way she kissed her, it spoke volumes. There was no hiding what she was thinking or feeling with a kiss like that. It was Paige laying herself bare in a way that words never could. Emily didn't take that lightly.

Slowly the kiss petered out. After a few soft, lingering pecks Paige shifted to lie beside Emily. Her head came to rest on her shoulder as she wrapped an arm around her waist.

"This is nice," she said softly, sounding sleepy once again. Her fingers traced idle patterns along Emily's hip bone. Or at least they seemed idle. A few moments in Emily realized she was making wide, loopy hearts and little infinity symbols. Emily didn't know if Paige realized what she drawing or not, but the action made her smile. A warm, fuzzy feeling tugging at her heart.

She knew that they were still a little bit broken. But they were working on it. They were doing more than just shoring up the damage from their past, they were building a whole new foundation. And while it could be slow and frustrating at times it was moments like this that reassured Emily that it was worth it.