Guest: What if Lafou babysat Belle's daughter?
"Please sleep!" Lafou begged, wondering how in Heaven's name Belle had convinced him to watch her daughter. Prince Adam was away on diplomatic business, and Belle had to escort her father to the inventor's festival, and felt the journey in the woods would be too dangerous for the small child. Why me?! He wondered to himself. An entire castle of people and she chose me?! The one year old child squirmed in his arms, fussing and crying while he tried to find a comfortable way to hold her so he could try and rock her to sleep. "You've been awake almost all night! It's nearly dawn! I've fed you, changed you, changed you again for good measure, make sure you burped and puked all over me!" He complained, "Okay okay..." He placed the child on the floor, running to gather some of her toys while the tot wailed on the floor.
"Hey look! It's rabbity rabbit!" Lafou tried to put on a high-pitched voice, bouncing the stuffed bunny in one hand, a toy cat in the other, "and... umm... kitty the kitty!" He added, not caring much for creative names. "Hey rabbity, let's go to sleep! It's late at night!" a lower pitched gruff voice, "Sounds like a smart idea!" he replied to himself in the high-pitch. "All good little girls sleep at night and get their beauty rest!" Lefou stated, bouncing the rabbit, "Like that lady from Little Town! She's very pretty! I guarantee she sleeps all night every night!... Is this working?" He was near tears himself. She could have at least let me stay at the palace but no, she needed someone to watch her crazy father's house and mind the stupid chickens, and the stupid horse, and the stupid ducks.
"What about a story? You need a story?" Lefou asked, the child continuing to cry in response. "I don't read like your mom, so... don't expect a good one," He crossed his arms, the stuffed animals still in his hands as he shifted his arm to beat one against his forehead as he wracked his mind to think of a story. Not the creative type, the best he could come up with was a hunting trip with Gaston that the man would have murdered him for repeating, were he still alive to do so. "Once upon a time there was a big tall handsom... uh... knight. Well one day the knight and his... ah what's the word. Squire? Yeah! Squire. Okay. So once upon a time a handsome knight and his squire went hunting because they were hungry. After wandering..." He tried to think of how to make the story sound like something from a book, or a proper child's bedtime story. "for days and days, the knight and his squire were lost and even hungrier. The squire thought he would die of hunger. That's when the knight saw it. A deer, bigger than a house! It had antlers... big as the trees. He was... King of the deer! It was mad at the knight so it ran up and bit him on the butt! The knight dropped his hunting gun and started yelling and leaping around like a frog!" Lefou laughed at the memory, recalling the hunting trip he was embellishing for this screaming baby. "No? Didn't like that story?" Lefou complained as the red-faced child continued to bawl.
"A song? I can't sing like your mom but I can try," He held her out at arms length, noting her red face, mucous tripping form her nose, drool from her mouth, and scrunched his nose. Why did I say yes to this? He tried to recall any lullabies he knew, singing them off-key as he tried to soothe the child to sleep. "Please? I'm not your mom but music is music!" He complained, lolling his head back and looking at the ceiling in despair. He tried another lullaby, and then tried singing the first one again with nonsense lyrics. "Oh come on! You mom sings all the time, how come it didn't work?!"
"Maybe you like to be tickled?" He reached forward, wiggling his fingers on her stomach, making cooing noises that no one would have let him live down if they heard. "come on, sleep!" he begged between making giggle noises at her. He picked her up off the floor, bouncing her in his arms ready to bash his own head against the wall so he could sleep, and let the child scream all night if he wanted. He sighed, feeling bad at the thought alone. The child obviously needed something he just didn't know what.
"Do you need a warmer outfit?" He asked her, tilting his head. He had picked something he thought was warm, and tried wrapping her in a small blanket to see if she was just cold, bouncing her in his arms. His arms were wearing out from holding her, he was not a very tall man and holding the squirming baby was an awkward exercise.
"Hmm... do you like animals?" He asked, remembering the stupid animals he was also in charge of. "It's almost dawn anyway, maybe they're awake," He went outside, hoping bringing her to the animals wasn't something bad. He was just desperate to get her to sleep. He walked outside and to the stable, and then remembered there was no stupid horse, that it was pulling the cart with Belle and her father. "I hope you like chickens," He pleaded, and went into the coop so the small child could look at the animals. He knew better than to let her touch them, but maybe seeing and hearing them would help calm her down. And much to his surprise, it did. The crying stopped, and turned into giggles, as she reached out towards the ground as the chickens clucked and shook, investigating the invader to their coop before walking way to eat the last of the feed he laid out hours earlier. "So it's animals you like! Good to know..." the relief was beyond measure. He let her giggle at the chickens, and after some minutes the child finally began to drift off to sleep, snuggling her snot and drool covered face against his shirt, and her previous sobs replaced with smooth quiet breathing.
He contemplated sitting right there in the chicken coop and sleeping with the baby, worried that moving her might return her to her state of screaming. But the coop smelled aweful, and the allure of sleeping himself was too strong. He moved agonizingly slow back to the cottage, eased the sleeping tot into her crib, and made his way to the bed Belle had assured him it was fine if he slept it, not finding it improper or impolite. His head hit the pillow and the sleep came nearly instantly.
"Lefou?" A sing-songy voice called out as the door burst open, the baby immediately bursting into tears, "I'm home!"
"Oh come on!" He cursed.
This one was short, but nonetheless I hope it was enjoyable. In just under 4 weeks this will be my future! Little one is due soon. I am equal parts terrified and ecstatic as she's our first child.