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Chap. 6 Enjoy
"Let's go out tonight."
My heart stops. "What?" I say.
"Let's go out tonight," he repeats. "You and me, come on."
He grabs my hands, tilting me forward, but I pull away before he can get me out of the door. The second I am closer to him I smell beer.
"You've been drinking," I state.
"Not much," he says as he comes in. "I had about two and a half cups."
He walks over and takes a seat on my messy bed. He lays down in the bundle of sheets. I walk over and take a seat next to him.
"You've drank enough to get you buzzed," I say, then I realize something, "wait! You drove here?"
"Yeah."
"That was stupid." Then I realize something else; maybe he wanted to go out tonight because he's buzzed. Immediately my heart sinks lower,
"I know, but I'm fine," he says rubbing his temple. He sits up and says, "Come on. Let's go do something tonight. Anything. Something fun."
I stand up and shake my head. I reach down and grab him by the collar, pulling him up.
"Athrun, what makes you think I wanna go out and 'do something' with all that just happened?"
He stares me in the eyes and there's passion burning. A passion to really go through with this. To go out? And I don't understand why he's so serious about it. I let go. He stands up now and we're now face to face. So close that I can smell his breath. The tension causes me to avoid his gaze; I stare at the floor. But he stares me down.
"Cagalli...this has been hard for both of us, but we can't just mope around all the time."
I don't say anything.
"Cagalli...Cagalli...Please…"
He gently places his hand under my chin, causing me to look at him. His eyes are pleading, and I almost cave. Almost.
"No," I say, "I just can't. I can't go out and have fun knowing that my brother, and now Lacus, are out there suffering from this curse, and soon will be on the hunt. I'm sorry."
He removes his hand and it falls lifelessly to his side. He continues to stare at me with sad eyes and I can't bare to look at him. I turn my head and stare at the door. It's left open and I rush to shut it in case someone sees us.
"How the tables have turned," he goes over and takes another seat on my bed. I look at him perplexed to what he just said.
"How so?"
He smiles at me.
"You've always been a hard worker, but I remember you telling me 'you need to add fun to the equation in order not to stress out.' I remember you said that to me when I was studying for my
entrance exams."
"You remember that?" I walk over to him.
He grabs my hand again, squeezes it, and doesn't say anything for quite some time. I stand still watching him, both concerned with, and loving, his action. His expression is serious as if he is contemplating his next movement or...what he's about to say.
"Well if you don't want to go out...then I guess I'll stay here."
What! I snatch my hand away. I stare at him as if he's crazy. He is crazy. Staying here would jeopardize everything.
"You can't do that. It will cause a scandal if anyone-"
"You're worried about anyone finding a boy in your room?" he spits "What are you not allowed to have a boyfriend? You are eighteen."
"But you're not my boyfriend!"
The words hurt me as they come out, and looking at Athrun I can tell I hit something, because his face twisted into a disappointing frown as I said it.
"I know." he sounds sad, "but I don't want to leave you."
I feel the heat rush to my head, and my pulse seems faster. I honestly don't want him to go, but he must or else people will notice and if anyone sees Kira's best friend here when Kira is suppose to be away at school then they'll get suspicious.
I stare at him as he stares at me with those green eyes, pleading for my consent, for my understanding. It hurts, but I must protect Kira.
"Athrun it won't look right. We-"
"I know," he stands up, "but I don't want to let you out of my sight. He got Lacus and I won't let him get you too."
"Athrun…"
In a swift, smooth motion he wraps his arms around me, embracing me tightly. I stand frozen.
"I'm not going to let you out of my sight," he whispers in my ear, the faint breath tickling me.
I am quiet, not knowing what to do or say. On one hand I don't want him to let go, but we need to finish talking about this.
"Athrun…" I try to say something but yet again I am interrupted
"I won't let you out of my sight," he's now looking at me, though his arms are still wrapped around my waist. "You can stay at my apartment for a while."
"What!" I push him back. "Athrun, how is that going to work?"
Now I think I can hear my heartbeat, and it feels like I have a fever. Athrun stands still, furrows his brow and steps closer.
"We've spent all this time together already. You've been away from home for days, ever since Kira left, with me. There is no difference. You can make up some excuse to your father. We've been doing this for almost four months-"
"Alright, alright," I see his point. "So what? You're going to babysit me?" that came out bitter.
Without a word he walks over to my closet, opens it and pulls out my blue duffle bag, tossing it on my bed. He then grabs a few of my shirts, throws them on top of the bed and then walks over to my dresser, pulling out a couple pairs of jeans.
"What are you doing? I demand.
He looks at me, seemingly surprised. "You are coming with me right?" His tone is so sincere.
I walk over. I begin to place the items neatly in the bag, and from my peripheral I see a small satisfactory smile grace his face. It's contagious, but I try to suppress mine. Excitement flows through me at the mere thought of staying at Athrun's for a while. It's the first time I felt excitement in months.
…
Streaks of light flash before my eyes as I sit in the passenger seat, leaning back, watching them go by. The streets are mostly empty on the way to my apartment, but at this hour it's expected. I look over at Cagalli, her eyes fixated on the road. She insisted she drive, though I tried assuring her that I was capable. I snicker at her cautiousness.
We come to a red light. I notice Cagalli look at me and I look at her, smiling.
"Sup?"
She stares at me with a concerned look on her face. My smile vanishes and I sit up, slightly.
"I'm bummed out too, but...Is it that...you're hurting so much 'cause you still had feelings for Lacus?"
I sit up all of the way. What? I think. That's the total opposite of what I want her to think. This whole night I've been trying to convey to her how I feel about her.I stare at her, my mouth agape, for a moment until she literally snaps me back to reality.
"No!"
The light is green again, and her focus is back on the road.
"I only think of her as a friend," I continue. "It hurts dearly that she's...but that's the only reason. I have known her since we were kids, so it's only natural."
"Yeah," she says after a long pause. "I get it."
And I hope she does. We finally pull into my apartment building's parking lot. We exit my car and I grab Cagalli's bag from the trunk. As I do so, I hear someone shout my name. I put the trunk down and see a friend of mine, Dearka, in front of the building waving his arms in the air.
"Who's that?" Cagalli asks.
I answer her with a grunt/sigh.
"Yoo, Athrun!" Dearka shouts.
Cagalli and I walk towards him. Her looking confused and me...well I'm irritated.
"Must you be so loud?" I say. "It's late."
He smirks. "Oh, come on. Why did you leave the party. It was just-"
His eyes land on Cagalli. His eyes go back and forth between me and her before he grins. He whistles and walks over to her. He bends down some and eyes her. Cagalli is already annoyed.
"And who is this, eh? Is she why you left? Got yourself a little booty call?"
"Excuse me?" Cagalli hisses.
"It's not like that," I say quickly.
He shrugs and eyes her some more, looking her up and down.
"You look familiar," he says, and I see the panic on Cagalli's face.
For a second I forget Cagalli is the President's daughter. Even though Cagalli is barely on TV, or at any political events with her father, she has been on occasion. But during those times she's usually dressed in formal attire. Maybe he won't recognize her.
"Have I seen you before?" Dearka ask.
Now I start to worry. I try to think of something quick before he registers who she is.
"She's my girlfriend," I quickly say.
I know Cagalli is about to retaliate, but before she does I grab her by the arm, pull her close and kiss her. The kiss is not ideal. It's forced, quick. When I pull away, I lead her into the building. I turn to Dearka.
"And I'd like to have some alone time with her," I whisper.
He is dumbstruck. "Whoa, whoa, whoa...When did you get-"
"Talk to you later," I say, shutting the door on him.
We finally enter my apartment, and Cagalli's been quiet since our brief kiss. She's blushing.
"Sorry," I say as we settle in.
"Uh...it's ok. Um…" she laughs awkwardly, "you couldn't have thought of anything better?"
I smirk. "You didn't like it?"
Her face becomes even redder-redder than I thought possible. I walk over to her and laugh some more. Now her expression is changing from embarrassment to frustration.
"So what part didn't you like," I raise an eyebrow, "the part when I said you were my girlfriend, or when I kissed you?"
"It was too rough!" she blurts out.
"So you didn't mind me calling you my girlfriend?"
She falls silent and turns away, heading toward the kitchen. She mumbles something and pulls out a can of soda from the refrigerator. I follow suit. We both sit at the counter.
"Well?" I say.
Shut up," she says.
For a second I listen, but then something comes to mind. Lacus. I hear her voice, and I hear what she told me when we were in the cafe. "Maybe you should tell her how you feel," is what she said. I maybe I should because I'm failing at showing her.
We sit quietly. I am trying to gather the right words. What do I even say? What do I want to say? And what good will it do? I can't ask her out, I tried that earlier and was shot down. Even if I tell her that I like her, then what? We can't live happily ever after with the present situation. This is harder than I thought.
"Maybe we should get some sleep," she says standing up.
I continue to sit, staring at the marble countertop. My mind still racing. I don't know why I'm getting like this. I'm acting like a coward. I've spent so much time with her you'd think it would be easy.
"Athrun?" she taps my shoulder.
I turn around and stare straight into her amber eyes. She looks worried, so I smile. I stand up, and wrap my arms around her.
"Athrun…"
"I know things are bad," I say into her hair, "but I am glad to have spent all of this time with you."
I lean back to look at her. She looks worried still, and confused. She opens her mouth to speak, but before she does I seize her lips. This time gently, and with sincere passion. For a moment she is unresponsive, but then she kisses me back. Fireworks go off.
….
I can't stop touching my lips. Oh, and smiling. I'm afraid he'll walk into his room and catch me still in ecstasy. But I know he's in the living room getting his couch ready for slumber. He insisted he sleep on the couch even though it's his apartment, and that I can sleep in his bed. But it makes me feel bad.
I've changed into my night gown, and now sitting on his bed. The kiss keeps replaying in my head. My body is filled with warmth. I fall back and think about it some more, forgetting all of the troubles.
He knocks on the door, and I tell him to come in. He peers his head in.
"Just making sure you're comfortable," he says, "I'm about to go to sleep."
He's about to close the door, but I quickly stop him.
"You shouldn't have to sleep on the couch...I'll feel safer with you here...I don't mind…"
…..
I look over at the nightstand and the clock radio reads 5am. My bladder decided to wake me up. I grunt as I carefully get out of bed. I walk down the hall and do my business. Great, now I'm thirsty. I make my way into the kitchen as quiet as possible and grab myself a glass of water.
It's too dark, so I turn the lights on. I walk around the living room/kitchen area until I'm done my water. I notice some papers have fallen on the floor by Athrun's desk, so I decide to pick them up. I can't help glancing over the text, but when I do I go stiff.
In my hands is the application form for Minerva membership. Is he planning to join them? My heart races at the thought of it. Is he giving up? All the warmth, all of the bliss I felt earlier melts away, and is replaced with anxiety.
I can't stay here. As much as I want to be in peace...be in peace with Athrun, I must find help. I must end this curse.
"I have to find that lady."
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