Chapter 19:
I lay, staring up at the white ceiling. The doctor is talking to me as he rubs the ball, and that cold jelly, all around my belly. I can't hear him over my loud thoughts. I know I should pay attention, but I can't stop thinking about my father's pending death. I can't stop thinking about the pressure of marrying Yuna, or Athrun's pain. I can't stop thinking about what I am going to do when this is all over. What will my living situation be without my father? Is this really going to work? If it does, will Kira be the same?
"Do you want to know the sex?" I hear.
"Huh?" I face the doctor.
"Do you want to know the baby's sex?" he repeats.
When she arrived she greeted me, removed her jacket, kicked off her shoes, and made her way to my room. Was I silly to think that maybe we'd be relaxing, having a casual conversation, or maybe we'd make out and it lead to more? I don't think I was, but none of that happened. Cagalli has been silently laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, for the past half hour.
I can tell she's lost in thought, so I retreated to my living room to watch TV. I checked on her a few times, but she didn't budge. I spoke a few times, but she didn't respond. Once my program ended, I walked back in my room.
"Cagalli?" I say.
"Huh," she whispers.
"Are you alright?
"Mhm," she softly nods her head.
It's a lie. How can she be okay with all that is going on? Her father is preparing to die any day now. There's so much pressure on her future…and she's dealing with all this while being pregnant.
I make my way to the bed, and slowly hover over top of her. She refuses to meet my gaze.
"Cagalli…" I prop my elbows on each side of her head, watching as her face turns crimson. A smile forms on my face and I feel a laugh coming on. We've known each other for years, been together for months and we still get like this at times, red faced, averted gazes, sweaty palms. I capture her lips.
We're lost in our kiss for…I don't even know how long. I know her arms wrap around me eventually, and that our sweet, simple kiss became more heated. I can feel my manhood growing, and, in any second, I imagine myself removing her pants, but my mind flashes back to how she was just moments ago. I break the kiss.
"What's wrong?" she says breathlessly.
"You tell me."
She sighs, and rolls from under me. We sit up. I stare, waiting for her to say something. She can take all day, I don't care, but I don't want her to hold things in anymore. I don't want to either, but it's easier to preach than practice.
Her shoulders rise and fall.
"I keep hearing my father-around his office or the mansion-make arrangements for his…death. He's finalizing paper work, and…"
Her eyes are glassed over now. I see her bottom lip tremble as she struggles to complete her sentence. Tears begin to fall onto her ball fists.
"What's going to happen to you once it happens?" I ask.
"Kira and I have an aunt. Aunt Caridad, Kira may have told you about her. My father suggested she move into the mansion with us. she could help with the baby and help around the house while we study. Aunt Caridad doesn't have children of her own, but she's such a motherly figure; caring and nurturing. We barely see her, but I love it when we do. He also suggested his brother, Homura, becoming the man of our house."
"Congressman, Atha?"
She nods.
"Of course, his number one option is for me to marry Yuna."
My eye twitches.
"I'm not doing that, Athrun," she says. "You may not believe me, and I understand that. You know me well enough to know that I'd do anything to please my father, but I cannot do that. I thought about it…I did, but the thought of not being with you the way that I want kills me. My chest aches of the thought of being with anyone other than you."
She doesn't know how happy those words made me. Impulsively, I wrap my arms around her. She's stiff, but I only squeeze tighter.
"Athrun?"
"I'll always be here," I whisper in her ear. "I want to be by your side for as long as I can."
Slowly, her arms wrap around me too, and I feel a spark in my core. We stay in each other's arms for a while. Her face is buried in my shoulder. My shirt is becoming wet. It's faint, but I can hear her sobs.
"Don't hold back," I say.
On instant her sobs become louder. My cheeks are streaked as well.
We are lying, under my blanket, in the dark. My arms are wrapped around Cagalli's belly. I rub it repeatedly. It's amazing how plump it's gotten-how hard and round. She's still slim, and her stomach is only a few inches out, but I'm awed by her continuously changing body. I love it. I love that I get to witness someone I care so much about create life. I love that I helped create that life.
She places her hand a top of mine. I smile, and kiss behind her ear. She giggles.
"I went to the doctor earlier," she says.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I pinch her cheek.
"Ow," she elbows my stomach. "You were working, right?"
I frown.
"In an office where my father acts as if I don't exist. Besides, lately I barely work there. You know that."
"That is why I didn't say anything. You need to make extra money, so I don't want you to miss any of the little days you have."
"I rather be there for you and the baby."
"Well…I'm sorry," she says.
"Is she okay?" I ask.
"He."
I lift my head up.
"What did you say?"
Cagalli faces me. Her face is twisted into a frown.
"The baby is a boy…" she sighs. "My dreams made me want a girl…but…"
My eyes widen. We're having a boy. We're having a boy! Me and Cagalli. Cagalli and I. I would have loved a girl too, especially since I was sure Cagalli was sure of the sex, but to know is a wonderful feeling. Sadly, Cagalli's face is crestfallen.
"Hey," I lift her chin. "Maybe one day…we'll have a girl" the heat from my body rises when I realize what I was insinuating. "I mean…umm…" she stares at me curiously. My stomach turns. "If you want to that is…"
"Have another baby with you?"
I nod sheepishly.
"Would you want another baby with me?" she asks.
I curse myself for nodding meekly again. She lifts her head up and pecks my lips. I stare at her and her expression is much calmer—serene. Her eyes are twinkling and she's smiling beautifully.
"Cagalli," I say. "to know that we can create lives together makes me happy. I don't have much family left. My father is estranged now, and my mother…is gone…yet, knowing that I can create a family with you makes my heart light up."
Suddenly, she grimaces, and I'm worried that I had said something wrong.
"Ah."
"Are you okay?"
"It feels so weird," she's grinning. "I can feel some movements down there. I think he just kicked me."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it is faint, but our baby is moving." She bites her bottom lip. "I think he might be saying hi to you."
One of the best things I heard all day.
Yuna has been visiting every weekend for the past few weeks. His visits are never long, however, considering he comes to see me and I continuously give him the cold shoulder. Through the small kitchen door window, I see him seated at the kitchen table, chewing Myrna's ears off. He's going on and on about his apparent terrible commute over here, as Myrna flips pancakes on the griddle. He could have stayed home.
With the deepest sigh I could muster from my tired body, I push the door open. Yuna perks up as soon as he sees me. He nearly knocks the chair over as he gets up to greet me. I stiffen once his arms wrap around me.
"Good morning," he says into my ear.
I push him away.
"Hey, Myrna," I turn to her, "can you give us a moment?"
She looks between the both of us, curiously, before turning off the burner, putting the plate of stacked cakes into the microwave. When she is finally through the doors my attention turns back to Yuna. A worried expression is written on his face.
"Why do you do things like that?" I say.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," I stomp my foot. "You know I'm with Athrun, yet you still pursue me! Why?"
His face is stern.
"Because I want to marry you."
"Why? Are you really stuck on the wishes of our parents? News flash, it won't benefit you any once my father is dead. We will no longer be the children of our country's rulers because I will no longer be the child of the president. I will be a regular girl with three dead parents."
My heart sinks at my last line. I will be a regular girl with three dead parents. The thought makes my head feel foggy, and my chest ache. I want to lie down; maybe cry myself back to sleep. Yeah, I'll do that once I'm finish with Yuna.
"It was like that at first," he says. "Years ago, actually. Yet, after time passed, I fell for you. I do believe we'd both benefit by marrying—you more than me now. But I really want you to be my wife. You can be rough around the edges, but you're also like fire. You shine."
For the first time since I've known him, Yuna made me feel warm.
"Thank you," my gaze drifts to the floor, "but I love Athrun Zala. He's the father of my child, and the only man that I want." I lift my head slowly. "I will not be marrying you."
"That's if you don't mind," I say, staring President Uzumi in the eyes as he leans over his office desk.
"I can't stop anything in my grave," he says with a slight smirk.
"I still wouldn't disrespect you…I need to know If it's alright. Cagalli would want to know that as well."
"I don't mind," he leans back. "She chose not to marry Yuna, so I do not see a better alternative. You all are becoming adults, Kira and Myrna will be there, and their aunt and uncle will be visiting more frequently. You have my consent."
I feel a smile coming on, but I force it away. Slowly, I stand. Before making my way to the door, I turn to President Uzumi. His focus is back on the stacks of papers he's been signing.
"You'll do it a couple days from now."
He looks at me.
"Yes," he says.
"Will she be there?"
"I think we both know the answer to that."
"Right," I say. "Are you at least going to spend time with her?"
"Tomorrow is my last day of leisure. I will then…if she will have me. She's been upset with me lately."
I can imagine.
"She doesn't want to lose anyone. If this works, she may have Kira again, but she'll lose you," I pause. "I lost my mother. I know the heartbreak she's going to feel once you're gone. No one can fix it."
Maybe I shouldn't be here. Maybe I should be with Cagalli, consoling her. But I'm here for her, right? To make sure that this works. My heart pounds painfully against my chest. My breathing is heavy now. I need to sit, but I must see.
I drove over here in the same car as my father. For over an hour, not a word was spoken. When I stepped out of the vehicle I was greeted by a huge metal building. Scanning the area, I noticed a few tents surrounding the building. Army tanks, men in camouflage and black vests, guards carrying rifles, and jets were spread around it as well. Dozens of officials entered the building. Immediately I felt out of place.
Kira's entire body is chained to the ground. They have him in a cage. Every time he moves electricity sparks through the chains. His screams cause us all to cover our ears. What if they kill him?
President Uzumi stands before the apprehended beast. Slowly he removes his blazer. Slowly he removes his shirt. Carefully he removes his pants. With his clothes scattered on the floor, he stands in his boxers in front of the creature. Even from the back of the crowd, I see drool drip from Kira's elongated canines. His eyes glow with a desire I never witnessed before. I feel compelled to walk closer, to stare into those bright, crimson pools.
But why?
Why do I feel as though those eyes are calling me? Why, when they're not even focused on me, but on the President? My body was about to move. My feet were going to guide me closer to Kira, had I not come to my senses.
A cranking sound echoes off of the walls. The cage is lifting from the ground slowly. I didn't think my heart could pound any faster. Uzumi steps closer. My stomach turns. I hear gasps. Kira opens his mouth wide, and begins to move side to side frantically. Electricity isn't emitted from the chains this time. Each step he makes towards Kira is nerve wrecking. I want him to run away, change his mind. This is what fate handed us, so who are we to change it. Yet, I want him to get it over with. Let Kira eat him, so my chest and stomach can stop hurting so much.
Inches away now…he stops. The room freezes. President Uzumi turns to us and smiles. A smile so bright, so kind—so sincere
"I leave it all to you," he says before taking a step back.
Instantly, Kira claws into Uzumi's shoulders, pulling him close, and feverishly sinks his fangs into his neck. My eyes shut. I cringe at the slurping noises, the screams, the triumphant howl from the beast. I picture my mother's severed body and warm tears start to cascade down my checks. I cringe knowing that Cagalli will suffer that pain. I drop to my knees.
"Make it stop, I whisper, "somebody please stop it."
But the officials continue to gasp, scream, and cry. And the flesh gnawing sound continues to hang in the air. So, I stay down and I weep.
Images flash in my mind. I see Uzumi smiling at me the very first time I visited Kira at home. We were seated at the dinner table, delicious food from Myrna, and a plate of my mother's cookies, were in front of us. He raised his wine glass to me. I see him as he him dropping Kira off at my house when we were 15. He personally drove himself, and I remember how shocked I was. I see the disappointed face of a man who is not only losing his life, but the privilege of seeing his children…that was the last face of his I saw.
It is completely silent now. I stay down, afraid to move, but the silence lingers for quite a while. I don't hear chewing, but I also don't hear anyone speak, gasp, cry, I don't even hear breathing. Not even movement is heard. Slowly, I get on my feet. My eyes remain closed for a while. I open them, and I gasp.
Kira is seated, bare, on the ground. His father's mangled body beside him. He's quivering. Blood drips from his mouth and fingertips. I don't understand it, but his entire body is stained with blood. He doesn't see us. He continuously looks at his hands. We continue to remain still.
It worked. It really worked. This isn't a dream, a fairytale. Kira is right there. Alive. I want to get closer. I want to hug my best friend, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the beast is somewhere still inside. I'm afraid that he will vanish, and it turns out that this is a dream after all. So, I wait and watch like the rest of them.
A few more moments and Kira is looking at us. He looks like a frightened child.
"Son…" A white bearded man says as he cautiously moves closer. "Please, just—"
He probably was going to tell Kira to remain calm, or something along those lines. Kira, however, starts to move his head frantically side to side. He's taking it all in. the people, the dreary atmosphere. He briefly looks at me, and I see confusion in his eyes. I wonder what is going through his head.
"Son!" the man says again.
Kira turns away. His gaze lands on the president. His body freezes. The bearded man is closer to him now, still moving diligently. Right before his hand touches Kira's shoulder, Kira let's out an agonizing scream. A scream I'm unfortunately familiar with. Then he falls to the ground.
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