The Cursed Year Chapter 20 part 1, a gundam seed fanfic

Chapter 20 (Part 1):

Rest in Peace to a Cherished Princess of Seed Republic: Lacus Clyne

I keep rereading it. My eyes are fixed onto those terrible words carved into the gray granite. Rest in Peace to a Cherished Princess of Seed Republic: Lacus Clyne. What? Rest in Peace? She was 19! She was loved, and popular…she was kind and innocent. I loved her. She does not deserve to rest in peace; she deserves to live in peace.

Yet, it's my fault. Athrun told me that I had changed her…

My head lifts to the sky. I blink repeatedly. I can feel my throat tightening. I don't deserve to cry, not after what I put everyone through. My father is dead because of me, my girlfriend, and even Mrs. Zala. So many perished, and lost loved ones, because I became The Cursed One. Because I was stupid enough to be out during the Blood Moon. I made my father suffer, I made Athrun suffer, and most importantly I made Cagalli suffer.

Cagalli won't even see me. I've been back for almost two weeks, and my sister won't even see me. She spends all her time in her room. I've spoken to her a few times, but only from behind her door. Sometimes Athrun is a medium for us. It isn't good enough. I want to see her face, I want to hold her tight and tell her how sorry I am. I'm sorry for being away for so long, that I wasn't there for her, that she suffered. I would like to say how sorry I am for taking father away though I know I couldn't bare bringing that up.

My body is trembling. I shut my eyes tightly, but to no avail; the tears fall like waterfalls down my cheeks. The lump in my throat becomes unbearable to hold in so I unclench my jaw and let the sorrow free. I let the world hear my cries. I don't care anymore. I don't…

A hand lands on my shoulder. I turn my head to see Athrun staring at me with worried eyes.

We sit on a bench outside of the cemetery. Neither of us have spoken for some time. When was the last time he saw me cry like that? Was it when I first started driving and I accidentally ran over that puppy? It had to been. Even then he was the strong one. Always rational-trying to be-always calm. Athrun always helped balance me out. I'm glad it was him who found me.

How did he know I was here? I want to ask, but I'm afraid. He could've been visiting his mother's grave. I don't want to think about.

"Have you spoken to Cagalli?" I ask instead.

He hesitates.

"This morning, yes. Only briefly before coming here," he pauses again. "I figured you would be here."

"You know me so well," I let out a dry chuckle.

"I do," he laughs, "and your driver also told me."

We both laugh.

"Cagalli guessed it as well."

The laughter dies, and I find myself staring at the cemented ground again.

"She's been worried about you," Athrun says.

I stare at him.

"Yet," I smirk, "she won't even come out of her room to see me."

It's Athrun's turn to turn glum.

"Hey," I say, "I'm the one who should be frowning. At least you get to talk to her-get to see her."

"It's not easy for her, you know!"

His brow is furrowed. It makes my skin crawl. I know it isn't easy for her. A part of her must resent me, but he's supposed to be my best friend. A little more sympathy would be nice. I lost just as much as she did, yet we never really talked about any of it. Our conversations are like two strangers passing. We ask how one another is doing, but we never really say what we feel. I tried, I tried so hard. I go to her door a few times a day, I throw rocks at her window, I use Athrun, and sometimes Myrna as messengers, but she's as stubborn as always.

"You think I don't know that?" I struggle not to raise my voice. "I know, but I miss her. I want my sister."

Athrun's shoulders fall.

"She speaks to you," I say and Athrun glances at me very quickly before averting his gaze. "Has she said anything? Did she mention me at all? Mention why?"

He still looks away. I watch, waiting for him to say something. His eyes dart back and forth, but not once does he looks at me. His mouth is twisted. He's contemplating.

My heart races. Why is he taking so long to respond? Is it really that bad? Does she hate me now? Have I lost my sister? Is she injured? Did I hurt her as the beast?

"She…"

I snap out of my endless, terrible thoughts.

"Well," he's looking at the grey sky now. "You changed Lacus…and now Lacus is gone."

I feel what's left of my heart cracking.

"Please, Athrun…"

"You think she was changed and died shortly after, don't you?" he continues. "She had her time as a beast. It was Lacus who killed my mother. As a beast, Lacus soared the night skies of Junius…not you."

His eyes are glossed over, but his expression remains stoic. He doesn't move, he doesn't bat an eye. My mouth is agape as I watch him. I watch expecting him to breakdown. He doesn't. I turn the other way.

He must hear my heavy breathing, my sniffling because his hand squeezes my shoulder. My head turns in his direction. His tearful eyes are burning into mine. I want to say I'm sorry, but instead, a light croak leaves me. I clench my jaw. It's trembling.

Athrun takes a deep breath.

"We saw her nights after my mother's death. Cagalli thought it was you…she planned on sacrificing herself to you."

"What?" I stand up.

Athrun slowly follows suit.

"I stopped her."

I notice him clenching his fist.

"Lacus came for us," he says. "She attacked me, had me in the air. I would've been joining my mother if it wasn't for Cagalli."

I listen, confused.

"Cagalli shot Lacus to save my life."

I fall to the bench.

The ride back to Orb has been a silent one. I've been staring out the window the entire time. Neither of s has said a word. This is a first. I remember our rides together back and forth from Junius to Orb when we were preteens. Our parents (Or the chauffeur) would silence us from time to time. Except for Mrs. Zala, she would smile at us through the rear-view mirror.

My mind has been like a hamster on a wheel, as my sister would say. She killed Lacus. She must think I hate her. I don't hate her. It hurts, but I killed father. And I didn't do it to save anyone…I killed him because it's what I wanted to do as the beast. I can't remember anything I did while I was transformed, but I remember how I felt-how the creature I was felt. Constant cravings for blood and flesh, the constant sorrow. I felt pain and hunger (and anger), more than I ever thought I could feel. Endlessly insatiable.

I wonder if Athrun thinks I hate her, too. I cried silently when he told me what happened. He sat by my side but said nothing. What was he thinking then? Was I a burden to him? Everything is so different than before; everything is different for all of us.

"I'm sorry," I say, still staring out the window.

"I am sorry as well, Kira."

"Please, when you talk to her again, tell her I don't hate her. Tell her that I miss her, and that I'm ready to talk whenever she is."

"You won't tell her yourself?"

I shake my head, but I doubt he sees.

"Not unless it's face to face."

He's silent again. I finally turn to him. He's concentrated on the road.

"Thank you," I say.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"You've been there for her, right? I can tell."

For a moment, his concentration breaks.

"Well, uh, I had to be-someone had to be…I mean…uh..I do care for her…I didn't do anything special."

I raise a brow.

"Athrun, you took care of my sister during the worst year of her life. You're the best. I appreciate you and I'm sure Cagalli does too."

He doesn't say anything, and he looks nervous. I burst out laughing. We come to an abrupt stop. Thankfully it's a red light and I'm wearing my seatbelt. Athrun stares at me with wide, worried eyes.

"What's so funny?"

"Just thinking about you and Cagalli before I changed."

The light is green again.

"What about us? Did we do something funny before?"

I sigh.

"You were just so blind," I say with a smirk. "Unlike me, but, then again, I do know her better."

He doesn't say anything, so I continue to stare out the window.

I know I said I wouldn't talk to her unless it was face to face, but still, after waking up amid the night from having to use the bathroom. After stopping in the kitchen for a glass of water, I find my feet guiding me to her room. It's two in the morning, I'm sure she is sleep, but I continue to walk.

As I am about to turn the corner, I hear talking. My pace slows as I try to make out who is talking. Myrna is never up this late, and our aunt and uncle aren't visiting. A few more steps and I realize it's Cagalli and Athrun's voices. Of course. Who else? It sometimes slips my mind that Athrun moved in last week. I was surprised at first, but with everything that's happened to each of us, it's good to be together. We need each other, and we all agree.

I wonder what they are talking about, and at this hour, but I don't want to intrude. I stop right before I to turn the corner to where Cagalli's room is only several feet away. My back is against the wall as I listen.

"I really wish you could stay," she says.

"I wish I could too, but I have to get back to my room," Athrun says, "It's best to go now…less risk."

"I know, but still…"

They are silent for a while, so I peek. My jaw drops instantly. Athrun and my sister stand in front of her door, wrapped in each other's arms…lips locked. Their expressions are serene, and their hold on one another reminds me of how I used to hold Lacus. Their kiss depends; I look away.

I stare at the carpet, mouth agape. They kissed…they're still kissing! I lightly smack my head. This is so weird, but why am I so shocked? I knew Cagalli had a thing for him, and they've known each other for a while now-years. It wasn't as if Athrun didn't show that he cared…now I see that he really cares. Yet, still…my sister and my best friend? What happened while I was gone? I let out a heavy breath.

"Goodnight," I hear Athrun say.

I look again. They are letting go of each other now. It is then that my heart stops. Cagalli stands in front of him. She is wearing boxers and a white tank top. A skin-tight tank top that hugs her protruding stomach. A plump, round belly…belonging to my sister.

I quickly go back to my room.

If anyone is still reading this, please let me know. As you can tell, this is almost over. Let me know what you think!