HS: Ah…tbh I haven't decided yet D: While I see the body of the story, I haven't yet seen the ending. I do hope for a good ending, though. (what kind of confidence is that from the person writing the story? XD) It keeps on developing slowly, but mutually. I like reading those kinds of stories so I like writing them. :D And a backstory? On who? Law is confusion XD (oh, I love that Vine) But he starts growing aware of himself. Oh, but kicking Luffy gave him some unexpected confidence. ;D
Naghi-Tan: Luffy was angry, and helplessly so. Those guys have a lot of things to work out between them, but with how angry everyone is because of the betrayal, it won't be an easy thing to clean up. (it never is! D: ) Law continues to do so. I'm so proud of him!
WulfyFang3: Welcome! They're almost shameless and comfortable in ways that will always end up surprising even themselves. :D
: : 7
Sanji didn't retreat after that – Law was slightly relieved when he went to work the next morning and continued to keep a responsible schedule thereafter. He trashed the remaining alcohol he'd had and prepared meals in advance. Law ended up taking a few to work later that week, Penguin and Shachi tearing into them eagerly while he picked at his own.
"Things are getting better?" Penguin asked with a full mouth.
"It's almost uncertain," Law replied, tasting his soup and delicately dipping a cracker in. "Because while he certainly endured a trauma, he ended up realizing that he's got to do better. I do still fear that he'll crash again."
"Yeah, he's kind of wonky."
"It was…scary," Law admitted slowly.
The cafeteria was full of people taking advantage of the lunch specials. Patients, visitors and staff dined together at the tables provided, the smell of the kitchen permeating over the room. They were crammed into a small booth towards the back, where the two older men sat at an angle that Law felt comfortable with being unseen. He was working on it – he found himself looking forward to the next outing. Not because Sanji was suddenly in the mood to rearrange things – much to Law's chagrin – but because some of Sanji's intentions inspired Law's interest.
"Being confronted by three people that didn't care of their surroundings. I understand it was a situation that was between them, but with how comfortable they were to attack, I can't help but think of how they might intimidate others."
"That's not something we're normally involved in. Normal people don't enjoy confrontations with a physical retaliation."
"Not like…I was…afraid of them," Law amended thoughtfully, "I'm just ultra aware that I don't pose a threat or have any sufficient amount of defensible skills. But I kicked that kid like it was nothing."
"I'm surprised that you did."
"I am, too. But he pissed me off."
"What'd he say?"
"He called me old."
Penguin snorted while Shachi looked at Law skeptically, still chewing.
"Also, I didn't appreciate that he felt no restraints in striking another individual in which he had absolutely no hand in. How could they get so involved with others' business like it was theirs?"
"Well, I mean…I guess friends do that sort of thing, Law. They stick up for each other."
"But there's a time and a place for that sort of thing."
"You retaliated as they did, so does that make you the same as them?"
"Heh," Law chuckled, having that pointed out to him. "It just felt exhilarating. If I could do that, what else am I capable of?"
Penguin and Shachi looked at each other uneasily.
"Admittedly, it kind of hurt," Law adding, rubbing his thigh absently. He finished his soup, dipped the remains with his crackers.
"You really need to take care of yourself. You can't be doing things like that, Law," Shachi chided gently. "With your health, you can get easily hurt. How bad is the bruising?"
Law sighed low, feeling irritation ripple through his veins. But his friends were only expressing their concerns. He shouldn't take it so badly. "It's not that bad," he then answered.
"Having any more confrontations with those guys isn't a good idea," Penguin added in. "They don't care about your condition. They don't care about you. They won't even give it a second thought if you interfere again in Sanji's defense and probably put you on Instagram in some stupid knock out video."
"Thanks for your confidence."
"I'm just worried you're pushing yourself unnecessarily, Law. We both are. The way things are going with that guy, you can't allow yourself to be put into these positions. Let him defend himself. And how did you get there, anyway? You took a car, right? The ice out there can probably allow you to break something if you fall. You can't afford that. You've got to take better care of yourself."
"Yes, dad, yes."
"I know you get mad with us saying all this, but you need to hear it," Penguin insisted gently. "Because I don't think you care enough to think about that sort of thing on your own."
"It would be dreadful if we got a phone call from one of the guys here saying you're laid up on one of the beds. You're not like the rest of us, Mr. Glass," Shachi said, finishing his lunch. "Wow. That was great. Seriously, he's really good at cooking."
Law fiddled with his plastic spork. He hated the lectures. He hated the reminders. But all of them were true. He put himself in this position, in this condition, so it wasn't as if they were talking down on him. He just hated to hear it.
He was tired of it.
That weekend had him and Sanji walking through a crowded part of the mall that made his jaw tense and his lips tight. Teenagers watched him openly as he walked by, not sugar coating their words. He wasn't in his pajamas this time, but in an old pair of jeans that didn't fit the way they used to, and a belt he'd had to stab another hole in. He wore an undershirt and a t-shirt underneath a long sleeved shirt, pulling a worn hoodie over that. He had a scarf wrapped around his neck and a beanie pulled low. It was apparent to those around him that all of these things were hiding a very thin frame.
He avoided looking at anything reflective.
Sanji barged into a shop that smelled thickly of hemp, incense and played some type of reggae. He recoiled with a sound of horror, causing Law to hastily step away to avoid being slapped by those dramatic hands.
"This place stinks like some hippie bathing in hemp and sunlight!" he hissed in a similar tone to describing a crime scene. Law tried not to show his humor, biting his lips inward to avoid displaying any expression. The circular racks showed off various tie dye material, coin skirts and overalls. The walls decorated with flags that were guaranteed to glow in the dark. Sluggish men lingered at the counter talking to a man that brayed with laughter.
Sanji strode to one man leaning against a glass counter that displayed various silver jewelry and what looked like glass pipes. Law was startled to recognize him, faltering in mid-step.
The man looked up at Sanji's approach and looked directly at Law with similar surprise.
"Trafalgar," he exclaimed with a lazy sort of air. "Wow. I'd never thought I'd see the day when you emerged from your pit."
"You guys know each other?" Sanji asked, leaning against the counter to slap the top.
"He was one of my roommates once," Law answered with disinterest, attention drawn to the wall of hemp jewelry.
"I'm Aokiji," the man introduced himself, straightening up and causing Sanji's mouth to drop open.
"Okay, Sasquatch," he said, looking alarmed. "This place is threatening my natural senses, so I'm going to get to the point."
One of Aokiji's eyebrows lifted as he looked Sanji over – he looked like a man that belonged in the Armani store across the way, not in this hippie trap. "What are you in a rush for? This is a good day if you were able to wrangle this guy out from his cave. Enjoy the stroll."
"I'm looking for one of those rock salt thingies that glow," Sanji said.
"A salt lamp?" Aokiji and Law repeated with various degrees of surprise. Aokiji recovered. "For you?"
"No, for my donkey. Yes, for me. I figured with the way our ambiance is, we're gonna need an air purifier, and I looked this shit up online and this is supposed to bring tranquility and peace," Sanji said with a huff, hands on his hips. "The more the better, I suppose."
Aokiji looked Sanji with some suspicion. "That's a nice shiner."
"Enough with my good looks, I'm getting self-conscious here," Sanji snapped, glaring around himself as Law's attention drifted to the bumper stickers on display nearby. "I was hoping it'd change things up in that dump of a place. This guy don't like to change anything."
"You're making progress." Aokiji looked to Law. "Is this something that's acceptable to you?"
"I honestly thought he was coming in here for one of those vape things," Law said, brow furrowed as he wondered what a chicken, weed leaf and pie sign meant. "But if it's something he wants to do to distract himself…"
"It's just amazing seeing you out, man," Aokiji said with relief, ignoring Sanji's impatient expression. "You never left the place, much."
"Some things have been challenging," Law admitted vaguely. "This is what you do, now?"
"It's all just a front," Aokiji assured him. "My real work still waits for me on the back shelf."
"What do you do?" Sanji had to ask curiously.
"I'm a secret government agent," Aokiji responded gravely. "How big would you like your lamp to be?"
Since Sanji had no familiarity with the man, he couldn't tell if he were serious or not. He spoke with such a monotone that it seemed nothing seemed to shake him very much. Aokiji yawned as he adjusted his sleepmask over his tightly coiled hair.
Sanji looked to Law, but Law was investigating some incense holders reaching out with one bony fingertip to trace the breasts of a mermaid. "Looks like Hogback's work," he decided.
"I can't take you anywhere," Sanji said with disgust. He turned to Aokiji, hands apart to indicate the size. "I'll take two of them. One for the living room, one for his room. He needs purification."
"I don't want one," Law said, straightening away.
"They're great," Aokiji assured him. "It's a gentle burning that's a little crispy, providing a subtle ambient noise behind all the shrieking and killing of your Netflix favorites. Now remember, you can't lick these things, no matter the temptation."
"Damn, that kills my weekend plans," Sanji muttered sarcastically.
"I would suggest something more alongside your salt lamp," Aokiji then said, not moving from the counter.
"I don't do drugs," Sanji assured him.
"I wasn't going to suggest drugs. I was going to suggest taking home a crystal necklace. Or, in your case, something with obsidian. It's meant to be a shield against negative energies, and discourages psychic attacks."
Sanji stared at him for a few moments. "When am I ever going to experience a 'psychic attack'?"
"You're being attacked right now," Aokiji assured him, tapping his own temple.
"I will psychic attack you with my psychic foot up your ass."
Law tried not to show any reaction to this scene, biting his lips again.
"Maybe green jasper will be good for you," Aokiji decided. "And you, Trafalgar, rose quartz."
As he walked away to retrieve these items, Sanji's eyes nearly rolled up into his head as he turned to look at Law. "Hippies."
"He's still the same as he was when I'd met him," Law said. "It was overbearing. I slept constantly around him."
"Yeah, he bores me, too."
"I'm surprised he's still a secret agent," Law then mumbled to himself. Sanji wondered if that was true when Aokiji returned, carrying a salt lamp and a couple of packages. He indicated for Law to join them, the man taking the steps necessary to do so.
"Green jasper," Aokiji showed Sanji the bracelet. "Useful as a physical healing energy. Aids in emotional support and strengthens your self-control. Helps you quit smoking. Drives away harmful spirits and energies. And you, Law, rose quartz to promote self-love and helps eradicate negative emotions and energy. Will help you find love."
Sanji rolled his eyes once more, Aokiji looking at him as he set the items down on the counter. Law unpackaged his and examined it skeptically as Sanji said, "This is pure ass bullshit. What snake oil shit are you trying to sell, here? Rocks? I only wanted one thing, and it's there."
"You don't believe in the healing properties of stones, Sanji?"
Sanji frowned. "I didn't tell you my name."
"Sorry," Aokiji apologized, palms together. "I did some quick research on you while I picked out the perfect lamp for your apartment."
"But I didn't…are you really a secret agent?"
"Rocinante told me you had a new roommate," Aokiji explained to Law who nodded to acknowledge this. Sanji looked from one to the other with bewilderment. Aokiji looked at Sanji with a slight frown. "Unfortunately, I have nothing exciting to report after that."
"Who the hell are you guys?"
Law tried on his bracelet, frowning as it slid down towards his elbow. Aokiji gestured for it.
"Try yours, Sanji," Aokiji suggested.
"These are just colored beads!" Sanji snapped, not touching the packaging. "I don't believe in that shit!"
"Yet, you came all the way over here for a salt lamp."
Sanji heaved a sigh as Aokiji tightened the bracelet with a simple tie – when Law put it back on, it fit comfortably at his wrist.
"These are free of charge," Aokiji said to them. "My treat to you."
"Just gimme the goddamn lamp," Sanji snapped, taking the item from the counter. "Where do I pay for this?"
"We barter, here," Aokiji said, leaning onto the counter with his elbows as Law took Sanji's bracelet to examine it. "What can you give me that's of equal value to the lamp?"
"My freaking credit card."
"You'd give me your bank account for a lamp that costs twenty thirty-five?"
"It's not - ! Ugh."
"Just kidding. The register is right over there."
As Sanji stomped over, his attention was caught by the incense rack that caused him to veer away from his intended destination. Aokiji looked to Law. "This works out for you?"
"It's been fine."
"Rocinante is concerned."
"Tell him to eat shit."
"I should give you another rose quartz bracelet."
"Quite honestly," Law trailed off as Sanji snagged a handful of incense sticks and a holder. He waved them in their direction before putting everything onto the counter, a sluggish woman making her way over to the register. "I don't have a bond with any of you people. So whatever concern you express – it's not something that sticks."
"Yet, you're outside," Aokiji pointed out, yawning behind one hand.
"Well…things are…complicated."
"I suppose they can be. But what matters is your health. Are you taking care of it? Did you walk here or take the train?"
Law exhaled but didn't answer.
"All it'll take is one fall."
After paying, Sanji barked over his shoulder, "Don't take any candy or brownies from him! We don't need any of the devil's vegetables in our systems!"
Aokiji rested his chin upon his palm. "Come back when that salt lamp breaks. I think you'll both be needing new bracelets."
Outside in the main hall, Sanji looked at his bracelet with suspicion. "What if they're listening devices from the government?"
"If they are, are we really a threat?" Law asked stiffly, eyes glued to the floor. "Besides…they look pretty."
Sanji looked at him with disgust, then snatched his wrist to examine his bracelet. "I should get the rose quartz. I'm the one looking for love!"
Law protected his gift with a hand over it. "Don't. It's already made its home, here."
"Ward off negative energies…" Sanji snorted as he looked at his bracelet again, Law rubbing his touch away from his wrist. With the bag holding onto the salt lamp at his side, it banged against his leg when Sanji swung it. Somehow, the younger man had pushed him to walk nearer the windows and walls to avoid bumping into people pushing by. He favored the less active side, a little curious to where Sanji was going now. They weren't heading for the exit.
"I need one more thing," Sanji said, lighting directing him into a home goods store. "A floor rug. That coffee table is scratching up the floor."
"Bear skin would be fine," Law decided, wondering where to find it. "Something in white."
"Nothing with fur. What's wrong with you? You can't bring animal skins into a home where there's already an animal present!"
Law sighed heavily. "I never get to have anything fun."
Sanji gave him an expression of doubt but they found the massive aisles of rugs, arguing on various textures and colors until it was decided that a shaggy white rug was suitable for the apartment furniture. Sanji threw it over one shoulder and walked to the register, nearly knocking people aside as he did so. Law had to admit the guy had some monster strength to carry things so casually in that fashion. But he had to wonder if it required massive strength at all.
His mood was slipping dangerously. He felt jealous of Sanji's health and strength. He knew the man was having difficulties but having a healthy body wasn't one of them. Law was currently tired, his bones ached from the short walk around, and he felt light-headed with a headache coming on. The lights above were irritating him, causing him to rub at them. His hands were shaking because he'd missed his third meal. Penguin's and Shachi's concerns kept flittering to the forefront of his thoughts. He felt he shouldn't have to be so deathly afraid of doing something other people did normally.
Just eat! he told himself impatiently. Just eat! There is no point going back!
By the time he made it up to the registers, causally looking at various things on the way to indicate it was his attention span that continued to escape and not his health, Sanji had paid for the rug and was throwing it over one shoulder again.
"We're going," he assured Law. "I'll just carry this all the way home."
Law wasn't sure he was mentally prepared for that walk. He'd hoped they get a car instead.
Sanji suddenly dropped the rug and braced it between his feet while digging his phone out. "On second thought, it might snow again. It should be safer if we took a car, eh?"
"It'd be fine to walk," Law said stubbornly, not wanting to be their decision in spending that much more money.
"Nah, it's going to snow. The clouds were coming in."
Once Sanji had the car confirmed, they headed outside. It drove Law crazy inside to see a clear, sunny day – Sanji was trying to accommodate Law's health by making up little white lies, and what killed Law the most was wondering if Sanji thought it troublesome because surely he didn't have to be this accommodating to his husband – ex-husband.
They sat at one of the outside park benches, Law wiggling until he was seated in a way that his bones didn't ground down too hard on the metal bench seat. Then he crossed his arms and glared out ahead of him. Sanji braced the rug between his knees and looked at him while lighting up.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"Your bracelet ain't working?"
"No. Fuck that guy, he sold us shit."
"Right? I knew it!"
Sanji pulled out his bracelet package, examining it suspiciously. Law had to watch him. It was amusing how many expressions could pass across this guy's face from looking at a simple package. Flicking his bangs from his face, Sanji sneered at the type-written tape across the plastic.
"This is a load of crocodile shit!" he said around his cigarette. "No stupid rocks are going to set my chakras right, or whatever."
"Well, it was to ward off negative energy for you. Help you stop smoking."
Sanji stuffed the package into his inside jacket pocket. "That ain't working. Look, we got at least fifteen minutes. Can you stay here and wait for me? I'm going to get a snack. You want something?"
"No."
Sanji laid the rug down behind the bench and hurried off, throwing his cigarette into one of the ashtrays atop of the trashcans before reentering the building. Law sat there and glowered out at the parking lot, feeling like there was so much he was missing out on. All of those walking up to the building were busy chattering about mall plans and lunch dates – all he could think about was returning to his comfortable clothes and sitting comfortably on his couch in the dark, tv on. He felt uncomfortable in his own skin. Though this had been his body all his life, it had turned into something that felt much like a rental. That was a light fantasy of his – returning something that he'd treated badly in place of his old body.
A body that was perfectly healthy and normal in every way. There had been nothing wrong with it.
For the millionth time, Law thought back to the day he'd decided to help Rocinante out by eating less. It was a casual decision to deny a meal – never would he had imagined it'd grow this far out of his control. If he could talk to his past self, he'd encourage him to continue eating, that he was perfectly fine.
He heard a teenager tell another that their first mission was to bring a hamburger back to him.
"Maybe a vat of bacon grease," the other giggled.
"God, just eat something! He'd be cute if he did."
The words didn't hurt as much as they used to. Strangers could say anything they wanted to another without fear of hurting them. But he looked down at his clenched hands to avoid making any unnecessary eye contact with anyone, to encourage these types of comments. Maybe he should just meet Sanji at home. If he started walking now, he was sure he'd get there before he did. He stood up to escape when Sanji hurried out, carrying a couple of cups.
"I said I wasn't hungry," Law said testily, hating hearing those words leave his mouth. Absolutely hating hearing himself lie so outrageously when it was plainly obvious that he was.
"I know," Sanji said, seating himself down on the bench. "You don't have to be. But I want you to try this."
Law didn't want to. He didn't want to be forced into eating anything, into saying anything, into agreeing to anything.
"I actually have one more place to go to," Sanji said, scooping some white slop from one cup and putting it into another. "But I need you to try this."
"Why?" Law asked sullenly, glaring at the cup being held out to him. Amidst all the judging expressions from those walking up to the doors, it made more sense that he just took it and ate it as quickly as Sanji was doing. But he lacked that sense.
"Because I want to know if you'd like it," Sanji said, not noticing his mood. He jerked his rug up with one hand and leaned it against the back of the bench. "I kinda want to start getting into sweets."
"I don't want to test those things."
"No, for the restaurant. If I can show that bastard I can bake better than him, he'll allow me to start baking. So I need to experiment, first, and this came to mind!"
Law sighed. Sanji couldn't be a dishwasher forever. He glared at the miniature spoon and slop of white in his cup. "What is this?"
Sanji told him. There were a lot of words for something that supposedly had little calories, Law thought, glaring at him. But he took half a bite of the spoonful Sanji had given him. It tasted awful. He spit it out.
"I didn't think so," Sanji said skeptically, scooping a different content into his cup. "Try that one."
"What's this?"
"I think it's strawberry."
Law tried it. The sweet flavor made his taste buds happy, but the rest of him seemed to recoil. Stop it, he told himself. It's okay to enjoy this moment.
"Does this have dairy?"
"No. Being lactose intolerant is no joke."
Law made himself eat the other half. He let it linger on his tongue, the cold melting over his taste buds and teeth. He ended up swallowing it with a grimace.
"Last one," Sanji decided, dumping another spoonful into his cup. "This one is mainly ice."
"Why are you eating ice cream in the fucking snow?"
"I saw someone eating it on our way out and I haven't had ice cream in so long! Besides, it's fine to enjoy a treat from time to time. How's that taste?"
Law sighed. Every part of him felt anxious and restless, dread filling his throat and chest. He had to talk himself out of feeling that what he'd done was wrong and remember how he'd earlier reflected on being tired of this constant battle. Remembering just that made him feeling a little better on accepting the treat. If he didn't put effort into himself, the board was going to fire him. It didn't matter how steady of a hand he had, or what his track record was – if he couldn't find fit to save himself, how could they still retain confidence in him into performing his job?
"It's fucking cold, Sanji," he then muttered after taking a bite.
"Then we'll go home?" Sanji asked, eating the rest of the treat. "Or how about I cook, and we can do this thing later?"
Law considered his options. He ended up looking at the rose quartz bracelet, then squinting against the sun to look at him. "What do you have to do?"
Sanji made a somewhat graceful jump shot with the empty cup into the trashcan. The spoon followed before he said tentatively, "Find Brook a sweater."
Despite himself, Law perked up. "We can do that now."
"And maybe get some dog tags done. I feel like he can go unnoticed, sometimes, despite the way he is."
"Maybe with a bell on it."
Sanji's eyes widened with enthusiasm. "Like a cat's!"
"I saw that you can dress dogs of Brook's size with regular baby clothes."
Sanji's eyes widened even further. "There's a Target down the street."
Law gave him a disgusted. "Why are you so obsessed with Target? You're always in one."
"Am not! Fine. How about one of those animal stores?"
Sanji stared at him with a frown as Law wondered what sorts of animals awaited him in the pet store. His own enthusiasm had given him a burst of energy. Maybe a hamster would suffice – they were small and cute and could burrow into various things. Or a rabbit – he liked seeing their ears perk up as their whiskers wiggled. Or even a lizard, who could find warmth cuddling with him on the couch. Or maybe even a baby bear or camel. He had to admit his imagination was stretching for these things but he was really excited about going to a pet store. He had no purpose for being in one for himself so he'd never visited one.
"I have an idea for our next outing," Sanji then muttered, hefting up the rug.
Law looked at him with concern. He tentatively took the bag with the salt lamp and hated himself for how weak he was. It took two hands to do so, muscles straining. "Wait, are you going to carry that thing with you?"
"Oh, let me cancel the car, first – "
"I can hold onto it."
Both of them startled as Aokiji spoke from behind them, both their heads snapping back to look up. He was carrying a lighter in one hand and a hamburger in the other.
"If you're just going to the pet store."
"You overgrown tree! Speak only when you're photosynthesizing!" Sanji exclaimed, hand over his heart. Aokiji looked at him with concern.
He flicked the lighter open and made the flame dance underneath the piece of the hamburger standing outside its wrapper, drawing Sanji's look of disgust. After it was sufficiently warm, Aokiji bit into it and gestured for him to hand over the rug.
"Are we on a time limit?" Sanji asked cautiously, not lowering the rug from his shoulder.
"They never notice when I'm there or not," Aokiji said with a shrug of his shoulder. After some hesitation, Sanji gave it to him. "I'll deal with your car and have him come back. I'm sure neither of you can carry all these treasures back with you. Oh, Sanji, I noticed you're not wearing your bracelet."
"I don't want to!" Sanji hissed at him, Law giving him an amused look. Both of them set off across the parking lot to the petstore, Aokiji setting the roll aside to continue warming up and eating his burger.
Nearly two hours later, the pair found him still on the bench – but he was sprawled out over it, snoring peacefully. People were looking at him with a combination of terror and awe. Sanji lifted a foot to kick him lightly in the hip, the man snorting in mid-breath and removing his sleep mask to look at him with insult. He saw that he was loaded down with a few bags and Law was carrying a case with some kind of animal inside.
"Oh, what do you have there?" he asked curiously, straightening up while Sanji retrieved his rug. He opened the bright orange blanket up from the barred window and looked inside. He instantly recoiled.
"His name is Bepo," Law said proudly, looking down at his newly purchased pet. "I like his spots."
Sanji shuddered. "Well. We're done, here."
"Not exactly a cuddly type, but we must start somewhere," Aokiji said, pushing his sleep mask above his eyebrows. "Okay. Your car should arrive shortly. You guys have a good day."
"You won't get into trouble for this? We were gone for hours. This guy wanted to cuddle every freaking thing in a cage."
Aokiji nodded with approval. "That's great. See, Sanji? Those bracelets worked. You should really consider putting yours on."
Sanji steamed as the big man walked off. He looked at Law as he re-covered his cage. "Enough Bigfoot sightings. It's time to go home."
Despite himself, Law ended up taking a nap that lasted for a few hours. Once he woke up, he saw that Sanji had put together the tank in the living room and Bepo was already sunning himself atop his heating rock, watching them curiously. The spotted gecko warmed Law's heart in a way that he'd only felt with Brook.
The rug was on the floor and Sanji was already in the kitchen, cleaning.
"Wasn't that fun?" he asked, not looking up from frantic washing.
Law had to admit that he did have fun overall. He felt uncomfortable with the way his moods had shifted throughout the day, but he felt good about the overall experience. Aokiji had left his mind. He ventured over to the tank, watching as Bepo watched him. When the animal shuffled around to face him, Law took that as an invitation.
Sanji wondered if he should start yelling at him for dirtying his hands before eating or let Law figure out the potential contamination of salmonella for himself. After much debate, he said, "You better read up on how to care for that animal properly. Lizards are different from people."
"I will."
"You have to disinfect ten times more thoroughly at the hospital. So maybe you should consider taking up a work locker and leaving some stuff there rather than just making it with rushing around here. You know?"
"Right."
"A lizard," Sanji sighed with a shake of his head.
It's like having a miniature parent on my ass, Law thought to himself, the gecko amusing him by licking his own eye.
: :
He couldn't believe the difference he felt when he went into work. He met with some potential patients and noticed his own attitude change. He wasn't so stiff and brisk with his introductions, the familiarity with the scheduled procedure and follow-up leaving him with a more positive stance to reassure the family that he was confident with the success rate. He carried himself with a bit more confidence in his posture. He ate a couple bites more of his lunch and even sampled the one Penguin was eating. He felt good.
He wasn't exactly sure why or how. He kept looking at the bracelet Aokiji had given him, suspicious of its powers. He encouraged Sanji to wear his but the blond was adamant against it. He ended up throwing it at Law to ward off "negative energy" and Law had ended up laughing awkwardly. It was too weird of a moment for him to look back at.
It was uncomfortable to admit that perhaps these outings were helping. Despite their intensive mix of negative and positive actions, Law felt like he was starting to live again. He did look forward to the outing Sanji had planned for the next weekend, suspicious because Sanji was looking up a lot of things on his phone whenever he was home. They were more comfortable around each other – but not enough to delve into personal, intimate conversations.
Law had to admit to himself that Sanji was keeping busy to keep himself from falling further into his depression. Maybe most of this was attributed to the blond keeping his thoughts off his friends and ex, but it was helping Law at the same time. In a way, Law grasped at it because it was the first time in a long time he'd allowed himself to live.
: :
That Friday found him sitting in one of the hospital private patient rooms, staring blankly out the window. His mind was buzzing with intense silence while his body settled into a shocked, traumatic state. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last – but his patient ended up dying on the table. The complications that had arisen were things out of his control – only God could take responsibility.
His actions would go under review the next day. All that had remained in the startling aftermath was the soul numbing trauma of feeling responsible for the matter in the first place. It was painful meeting with the grieving family, and they were quick to forgive him – they knew it was a risk, but they had been desperate to take it. They were prepared for either a miracle or a failure. They wished him well but he would attend the funeral anyway for his own closure.
His fingers fiddled clumsily with the bracelet at his wrist. With how numb his body and senses were to the environment around him, he didn't react to the warm hand on his shoulder. In the silence of the room, he didn't hear the light sound of Sanji's short exhale, or the creak of the bed as he sat beside him. His body grew aware of his presence, though – that heater of warmth settling against his side, the smell of cigarettes and onions, the feel of that hand slipping from his shoulder to the middle of his arm to half hug him. A part of him rejected the contact, self-conscious of his body, of his reluctance to accept any sort of peace.
But another part of him was grateful for the contact because it reminded him that he was human enough to need these things, to remind him he was still a human. His arm seemed to warm under the presence of Sanji's other hand as he rested it there, but only in that spot. Just above the beads of his bracelet, Sanji's fingers settled over the space there. His fingers were warm and heavy, causing Law's skin and blood to react with blossoming warmth. Very lightly, Sanji caressed that limb, chasing away the numb cold that lingered there. The rasp of skin upon skin seemed too intimately loud.
Blood pounded in Law's ears as his stiff body began to react to the presence of another human being's contact. It seemed like it had been hours since he said or did anything, but he had been speaking normally for most of the day. His mouth was dry when he said, "I'm kinda cold."
"Let's go home. Bepo and Brook are waiting for you."
At the thought of the animals greeting him, Law felt a part of himself perk up. His neck was stiff as his head tilted.
"These things happen," he said vaguely.
"Only God decides what he wants. You are only a human being that is caught in His wake."
"…Are you religious?"
"Sometimes you are treated to a sight of a Higher Power, and it makes one wonder. I don't know how you dealt with this before," Sanji said slowly, watching his own hand stroke Law's arm. But he looked at the man resolutely. "But you aren't alone now."
Law felt his chest quiver as he inhaled deeply.
After some moments of reflection, he murmured, "Before the surgery, my patient said that I should forgive myself. And that I should not take it upon myself to bear the weight of this responsibility. I ignored that because I felt confident in my actions. But despite them, he was still taken as I held his heart in my hands."
"You gave what you could, and it wasn't as powerful as God's hands, Law. It's not supposed to be. We're all just humans down here. That was an example of this. You could hold the world in your hands but it's not for you to hold onto. Taking that responsibility upon yourself…it's unrealistic."
Law thought about this for a few moments. "Then why can't I save myself?"
Without thinking, Sanji reached out to brush thin dark blue strands from a cold forehead. His expression was surprisingly gentle. "I think you already have. Come. It's time to go home."
Law just looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. How could anyone fall out of love with someone so supportive? It blew his mind. Then he realized what he was thinking, and felt it was the wrong place to think these things.
"How'd you know I was here?" he then asked, trying to shake off his earlier thoughts. He felt a little warmer than he did before, the numbness slowly ebbing away from him.
"One of those guys texted me that it was taking you awhile to leave," Sanji said, brushing off his pants as he pulled away from him. Law was startled at how cold he suddenly felt with his absence. "So I came here to see why."
"Despite the possibility of running into your family?"
Sanji flicked his wrist to display the bracelet Aokiji gave him. He wore a disgusted expression. Despite the numbness he felt in his face, Law felt his mouth crack with an awkward smile. Sanji then opened his jacket to reveal other talismans – a cross, a clove of garlic, what looked like bear mace spray.
"I wasn't sure if one was more powerful than the other, so I brought them all," Sanji muttered, rifling through them. He closed his jacket, then held a hand out for Law to take to aid him into standing.
After some moments of hesitation, Law took it.