A/N: This might be the only chapter this week D: Harmonica Smile, Naghi-Tan, Snowflake97, fyoyaran – thank you guys for your reviews! I know it's been difficult these past few, and this one will be just as much – BUT! Just wait until you get to the end :D Thank you for reading and leaving me your thoughts!

: : 13

Summer crept in without much of a fight. After some improvement, Law was able to return to work. Sanji found himself occupied with taking on the position of food prep and work as one of the waiters. He still couldn't bring himself to actually cook a meal – he thought it'd be easier to do so as time moved on and things grew easier, but every time he found himself poised over various vegetables and tools on the counter, his hands and heart just wasn't in it. Zeff kept kicking him and the cooks yelling at him for preparing "slop work"; it was hard for them to believe he'd been a worthy cook in an upscale restaurant. It was odd how forgiving Zeff actually was; despite his crotchety exterior and flagrant display of harsh administrations, the old man always had a way of checking in with Sanji to see how he was and giving gruff advice that made Sanji wonder if this was what it felt like to have a caring father.

He began communicating with Zoro again – impersonal texts that grew into eventual tense talks. Brook was allowed back at the apartment.

It cheered both men up immensely to have the old bulldog lunging at their legs, greeting them with frantic licking, happy pee, and whining. Bepo hissed and snapped at him from his tank, but Brook had missed him too, nearly knocking it over with his frantic lunges to try and include him into the licking as well. He followed Sanji from room to room, then occupied Law's space when Sanji had to leave him behind.

Brook was there now, sitting on Law's lap like a heavy, lumpy blanket that occasionally bathed him with the scent of rotten dog food, but Law was grateful for the company of the droopy eyed dog. Bepo took to a safe space atop of his head while he glared down at the mammal. Every little while the dog would grunt and sigh, tucking his head up against the man's chest and armpit, seeking affection while he waited for Sanji's return. The gecko would venture in for a closer look, then retreat when Brook looked at him. Eventually, the lizard would climb atop of the dog's back and glare at Law from this position, as if the human made him do it.

Law was happy with the dog's presence. Brook brought with him a comfort that he needed right now. His hands no longer shook as they drifted over the warm rolls of the dog's head and back. His last physical checkup assured him he'd gained fifteen pounds. His mind still whispered hurtful, hateful things every time he looked at himself in the mirror, but that was a battle he didn't think would ever go away. He still didn't finish the contents of his plate and had found himself using other methods to cope with the intake of food, so his progress was gradual. He wasn't so cold anymore, his clothes felt different, and he had a little more energy. His hair wasn't falling out so much, regrowth visible in the patches he'd taken care of combing over. He didn't take naps after a shopping trip, he started finishing his drinks and he took adventurous bites of things he wouldn't allow himself before.

The memories of his family that visited him were gentle and sweet, and he felt fine remembering pictures that had been pushed to the back of his mind for the occupation of his disorder. It was nice to remember the way his mother did laundry, how his father sneaked candy between meals and how Lamie hung up posters of her favorite male idols in their shared room. He wouldn't share these things, though – it was just a memory that popped up while he was doing certain things. Pausing to reflect on them was a nice distraction.

Marco had noticed and commented that Law had suddenly started approaching him with a sense of high-guard once more. Gentle prodding and what felt like tricky questions popped up in an effort to get Law to talk, but Law was prepared and found the method amusing. He hated that his rejection showed in such a petulant manner, but he supposed that was just how it went.

Law had retracted his growing interest in his roommate and resumed his earlier indifference. He insisted on solo grocery trips and watched more movies in place of their outings. Sanji didn't seem to notice, intent on fixing his relationship with Zoro and talking of a future where they could at least get along amicably.

Law thought Sanji was stupid but what did his opinion matter? He wasn't the one involved. It wasn't his place to say anything at all.

They were just friends, as Sanji stressed. Friends and roommates.

He supposed friends would intervene and say something, but he thought if he did, he'd only sound…stupid.

Jealous.

Sad.

Hurt.

All things that he shouldn't feel if he hadn't been able to say anything at all.

It was just another one of his useless pinings that happened to hurt day after day because things had changed suddenly.

The animals made things easier – it was easy to talk when Brook was about, but when he was gone it was quiet indifference. Law ended up focusing more intensely on his recovery because he recognized that when it grew emotionally stressful, he tended to fall back on certain habits to at least have something under his control. It was an easier excuse to give himself rather than expressing that he was feeling hurt.

One night he sat at the counter, staring at the dish he'd eventually perfected. There was nothing unappetizing about it, but he had a hard time lifting fork to mouth. He ended up resting his head upon his palm, shuffling pieces about with the tines, looking for his earlier interest to complete the action.

Sanji stood across from him with a container of leftovers from the restaurant, Brook panting noisily at his feet as he waited for the next piece of fish.

"You have a consultation coming up?" Sanji asked, his voice sharply breaking the noise coming from the television and Brook's impatient noises. "Something stressful?"

"No," Law answered, and left it at that. Every piece of meat he'd seared and cooked looked well done, and though he'd enjoyed the combination of it, it felt like his mouth wasn't interested. He recognized that this was one of his warning triggers – recognized that if he didn't complete at least a few bites tonight, his intake would lessen the next day because the portion eaten had to be either exactly the same or less to make up for any overeating.

He had to work on eliminating those thoughts.

Sanji gave him a worried look after giving Brook what he'd been begging for. Having lived here as long as he did, he saw the same things Law did. He wished that things were as easy as they were back then – but he knew that Law had retreated back into his shell because Sanji thought he was planning on going back to Zoro.

Sanji wasn't planning to.

Despite his initial hope, he realized through the distance of the divorce that even if they worked on things together, even if he'd wanted it, Zoro wasn't going to risk the chance of taking him back again.

At the same time, Sanji didn't trust himself or his own judgement on pursuing something new. He still didn't believe in love.

Of course, he couldn't say that to Law because it felt like a wall had been built between them. And he hated himself because while he knew that Law had some feelings for him, Sanji didn't trust himself on making the right choice in accepting them. Because how could he love another person when he'd had such a wrong idea of it during his time with Zoro?

It felt like explaining that to Law would cause a great misunderstanding between them. Despite his instinct, what if Sanji had been wrong? It would be presumptuous if it came down to a wrong idea. It would make things awkward.

He wished Law would say something that would open up this conversation to at least start somewhere. But with the way Law handled things, it would most likely stay vaulted up somewhere.

Sanji wished he wasn't such a wounded coward – but he felt he was doing the man a favor at the same time.

He wasn't that good of a person – he'd cheated on his husband five times; what was there about him that someone could take a risk on? Didn't they understand that he'd possibly do it to them, too? He didn't trust himself to be the person that said, "I learned my lesson", or "I'll never do it again", because he'd never thought he'd do it in the first place. If he couldn't trust himself, how could anybody else?

He exhaled slowly, watching Brook as he chewed clumsily. There were greys around his mouth and nose, extending up past his droopy eyes, and just the sight of his deformed features made Sanji smile fondly. Brook's stub of a tail wagged as he saw the movement, eyes lighting up with delight. He encouraged Sanji to pet him, heavy body wiggling mightily as he stretched himself upward.

"What's wrong with your food?" he then asked Law, looking the meal over. It looked and seemed fine to him.

"Nothing," Law answered, pushing some vegetables around his plate.

"Do you just…not feel like eating?" Sanji pressed, looking the man over. He saw the irritated expression cross Law's face at the question, knowing that Law grew annoyed whenever he felt pushed. "Don't get mad at me, I'm just asking."

"I choose not to have a conversation with you about this."

"I know it's difficult, but at least take a few bites – "

"I don't need you telling me what to do. I know what I have to do, I don't want you huffing at my shoulder to do it."

"I can be concerned. You can be angry at me all you want, it's not really me you're mad at. You're just angry at yourself, again."

Exasperated by Sanji's prodding, recognizing he was right, Law felt his veins warm with building irritation. He knew he was just tired and angry with himself, but his patience and temper wasn't having the conversation. He dropped the fork and said, "Why don't you mind your business?"

Sanji frowned at him. Brook rose and quickly scuttled back towards Sanji's room, Sanji looking after him with tired worry because he knew the dog didn't like confrontation. But he looked to Law again. "I just want to help. If you're having trouble with something, let me help you."

"I don't need your fucking help to eat. It's just one of those days."

"If you've got something on your mind, just say it," Sanji snapped at him. "Don't let it eat you up inside. Building any sort of resentment because you can't say it isn't helping you."

"The only resentment I feel is talking to you."

Sanji frowned at him, then closed the container he was picking out of. He then retreated to his room, shutting the door behind him. Law sighed heavily, regretting his words and the matter.

Why am I such an asshole? he thought crossly, resting forehead onto palm.

I'm angry because I like you, and don't want you to leave.

I'm frustrated that I can't eat like other people do.

I think you're stupid for thinking that things can change between you two.

I feel stupid for thinking that I have any sort of a chance when I don't even like myself.

All these things Law thought but didn't have the courage to say. So they festered in his mind and he eventually dumped his dinner into a Tupperware container and went to bed. He went to his room and sat on his bed with a heavy sigh. His ugly pants – with the yellow and purple plaid – caught his attention. He'd taken the pins out so now he ended up rolling them just so that they stayed in place. But he noticed that they fit differently on areas that only he noticed were filling out, and he used his hands to measure the new width of his thighs. Still considerably thinner than most adult's, but at least he was starting to gain some.

It's only taken all these years to do so, he thought bitterly. But he couldn't help but think that one day he'd look like a normal adult. He'd look normal, so people would glance at him with whatever on their minds, and not with the disgust and wonder that they did. Then he stared at the ceiling, thinking about the words that were shared and the obviousness of the things that went unsaid. He supposed he should say something – maybe apologize because of the way he was feeling about his mood; anything other than silence. Just to keep Sanji from creating his own conclusions because that guy was eerily perceptive and that made Law nervous. He'd never lived with such a sharply perceptive person – Aokiji was the type to see things, but never cared to delve or push.

As Law debated on how to approach the apology, Sanji sat sullenly in his room, petting Brook. The dog was looking at him sadly, tongue reaching out to lick him just to remind him he was there for him. Sanji knew Law was frustrated with many things, but he was positive it was because Law thought Sanji would leave.

As much as he'd wanted that, that was months ago. He wanted an amicable relationship with the others, but there was such a strong feeling of being shunned because of what he did that he felt it wouldn't ever be the same. He'd be the outsider amongst them, someone who had to go over and beyond just to show them that he wasn't a villain. It was difficult thinking of himself otherwise after what he did.

He liked it here – he liked the relationship he had with Law, he liked the location, he liked his job, he appreciated Zeff for his gruff presence, he was still learning what sort of a person he was on his own. He was a capable adult of handling his own responsibilities, and even if he were single, he knew he wasn't alone. There were many factors in his decision and he felt like he couldn't say all of them.

Mainly because he still wasn't sure what to feel of Law.

There were many positive things Sanji could think of when it came to the older man, but he just did not trust himself. He realized that in order to change his way of thinking, he would have to confront it directly. And doing that…was frightening. Because what if it wasn't what he thought? Despite his instinct telling him these things, what if he were wrong and he just ended up making a fool of himself and Law?

He decided it was best to just go and apologize to the man for being so pushy. It was an easy apology and it would deescalate the building tension between them. He didn't want to cause trouble in yet another household.

Brook's head snapped up suddenly as he looked at the door. His tail wagged a little but he remained at Sanji's side. Sanji glanced at the door, petting the dog with comfort – he hadn't heard Law moving about, but by Brook's reaction he knew he was out there. It made Sanji feel achy inside. The length of time it was taking Law to approach him made Sanji think that Law was just putting his words together.

And it made him feel rotten because did he really deserve that?

What made him feel more awful was thinking that Law deserved someone like Sanji when Sanji was this…mess. The man deserved so much better.

Before he could do or say anything, Law knocked once and walked in, Brook standing up with his tail wagging furiously to greet him.

"Sorry for the attitude," Law muttered, fiddling with his hands. "I just…well…"

He trailed off for so long that Sanji grew apprehensive. He could hear his heart start to pound with anxiety, not wanting and wanting to hear what he truly had to say. Before he could interrupt it, Law continued on with, "It's just the anniversary of my cat's death, so…"

"You had a cat?" Sanji asked as Law made a face and looked off to the side. "You didn't have a cat."

"I did. When…I was…five…" Law trailed off again and looked so damn awkward that Sanji had to settle his own expression to keep himself from making one of his own. "But he ran away. Probably parent speak for saying it was found as road kill, or snatched by a coyote, or – but…and it was in the middle of the winter, not summer, so – "

"Law…"

"The point is, I'm sorry I said those things. I just…have…a mess of things going on in my head, and it…I took it out on you unfairly. I didn't mean to be an asshole," Law finished clumsily, growing red from the neck up. "But…I meant it when I said I didn't need your help because this is something I have to do on my own. It's not like…somebody took the spoon from my mouth, it was me, so this is my entire responsibility – "

"Even if it was your responsibility, there's nothing in the rulebooks that says it has to be only you helping you," Sanji interrupted.

"No," Law then stressed, hand cutting through the air. Brook hurried over to him, panting noisily so he ended up patting him atop of the head. "If I end up relying on someone else to aid my battle with me, then I start thinking it's acceptable to do so – "

"And what's wrong with that?" Sanji asked, moving to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over. "It's okay to rely on people."

"Not with…how temporary they can be," Law said carefully.

"Then take advantage."

"Is that something you'd do?" Law asked sharply.

"No," Sanji admitted with an uncomfortable frown.

"Then don't tell me how I should be when you can't yourself."

"Why am I being thought of as temporary?" Sanji then asked, taking advantage of the moment.

"Well…you don't…plan on living here for as long as I, right? And considering your circumstances, it isn't as if you'll be here for very long?"

"Am I being kicked out?" Sanji asked.

"No, I'm just saying – "

"You assumed my situation, so what gave you that comfortable conclusion?"

Law picked at his knuckles with a somewhat sheepish expression. "Well, aren't you…working on reconciliation? With your…ex?"

"I'm trying," Sanji started off slowly, Brook sitting down once he had a sufficient amount of pats, "to restart a friendship. But it'll be impossible for things to return as they were when they were working. I can't be trusted."

"Because you'll do it again."

"I don't trust myself, Law. A long time ago, I could never picture myself doing what I did, yet I did it. Five fucking times. He lost faith in me, I lost faith in me. When someone does something shitty to you, how do you forgive them?"

Law exhaled low, looking off to the side. It occurred to Sanji that he wasn't making any eye contact with him. He'd apologized to Sanji's bed, and not to him. So the fact that something was still troubling him made Sanji eager to get it over with.

He licked his suddenly dry lips. "Have you come to rely on me?"

"Well, not lately…I mean…I admit, I was used to you supplying the kitchen with things so that I wouldn't have to visit the supermarket, but…I do miss your cooking."

"Is that it?"

"Well, you pay rent and utilities on time, so I guess I rely on that like clockwork, but – "

"It's okay to admit that you learned to rely on me," Sanji said, elbows on knees. "And I just want to say that you can continue on doing so. I wouldn't just leave – it took a restraining order to unplant my ass, so…"

"But that's not a great idea to have," Law said slowly. He looked like he was going to add more to that, but he suddenly lost the courage to do so. His troubled expression gave Sanji the strength he needed to address it.

"It's also not a good idea to have you thinking you can rely on me for more than this," Sanji said low in a whisper, looking to Brook. "Because I'm not the type of person you think I am."

"I get that you think you'll always be this…bad person," Law said slowly, unsure of the right words, "but you should really consider breaking more laws. Not me, but…like….real laws. Rob a bank. Kill an old man. Kick some kids. Steal a helicopter. Because that's how you're making yourself out to be."

"It's just…like I said before, I believe in fairy tales and love stories and I just…ruined mine by being someone I never thought I would be! So how can I trust that I won't do it again?"

"I guess nobody can trust themselves once they've made a mistake that they can't forgive themselves for," Law said, sitting beside him. Brook hurried around Sanji to insert himself between them, nuzzling up against him, tail wagging mightily. "But there's always a new start to make up for that. At least…that's what I'm told."

Sanji sighed. "I just feel that you rely on me to be this person I'm not…I can't be. I can't be the person you think I am."

Law nodded gravely. "It's tough thinking of you as Bepo in human form."

Sanji reached over to push him impatiently. "Stop with your weird lizard love!"

After straightening up, Law said, "But things aren't…as obvious as you think they are. Or even what you think they are."

"And that's where our lines are crossing," Sanji said. "Because if that's so, then why are things not being said?"

Law considered this. He took too long to answer, but when he finally did, Sanji knew that he'd lost the courage to say what he really wanted. "I know you weren't thinking about that ice cream from the mall we'd had that one time."

Sanji knew that he wasn't going to get the answer they were both looking for because both of them were cowards. But he put it away. "Do you want to go to the mall?"

Law's eyes closed – he seemed exasperated with himself. But he said, "Yes. Let's go to the mall."

They ended up at the crowded food court, which offered loud options from nearly every direction. But the cloud of tension had eased up from them. It was encouraging to see Law give his own order and eat it without the troubles he'd experienced months earlier. He didn't finish it but it was considerably more than he had the first time he did so.

Sanji couldn't help but watch him over his own ice cream. In a way, he felt so proud of the other man and his efforts to recover. It looked like he was in a much better place than he was when Sanji first met him. He attributed it to the clinic that Zeff had recommended, sure it was the remarkable staff and settings that allowed Law to feel that he was important.

He smiled at him, lowering his spoon to his cup. "You look really good," he said, startling the older man. "It doesn't look like you're fighting it as much as you used to. I'm really proud of you, man."

Abashed, Law reddened. He still had at least a scoop left from the pair he'd wanted to try, but it was nice hearing those words. Maybe it didn't seem like much to someone else looking in, but this was a large step for him.

"Yes, well…it's still a difficult thing to do," he mumbled.

"I'm just happy for you. You're doing amazing. You should definitely be very proud of yourself." Sanji reached over and patted his shoulder, returning his own attention to his ice cream. "And if you don't, I do. I think you're amazing. You inspire others, you know?"

Law didn't think so, thinking that what he was doing wasn't that big of a deal – he was basically climbing out of the hole he'd dug with his own two hands. But with the way Sanji expressed it, it felt like he'd actually accomplished something. He looked at the other man with some longing, wanting to say something similar but feeling too awkward to do so. His face still felt warm with the praise.

They ended up walking about, window shopping and people watching.

Unconsciously, they made a lot of body contact – the occasional bump of a hip, the brush of a hand from standing too close. It was like both were now awakening from some long sleep. It felt different from their other outings; Law realized how unhappy he was without him, and Sanji realized the same. It felt like a weight lifted from shoulders that had been bent for too long under the force of unsaid pressure. Both of them were happy to see the other smile; both relieved that they could still be this way with things unsaid.

Maybe those things didn't have to be said.

But Sanji still felt reluctant, and Law couldn't be pushy. Both of them were aware of that edge, but they could occasionally, and conveniently, forget. Both of them were too involved with each other's company to realize just what they looked like to others that might be watching them.

They eventually wandered into the shop Aokiji worked. Law claimed he'd lost his bracelet – Sanji really had no idea what happened to his.

Aokiji perked up when he saw them. He was restocking some clothing onto a rack, tie dyed material that made Sanji wince at the sight of them.

"This hurts my inner energies," he commented, flipping through the various sizes. "Whoever wears this shit must live in the basement of their mom's house and hits on high school girls because girls his age know he's a rotten potato."

"This one is perfect for you," Aokiji mentioned, holding out a shirt with a tied middle, the back proclaiming, 'I Am Your Sunshine!' He pressed it against Sanji's black v-neck shirt, where his sunglasses clung to the collar. The yellow of the tie-dye clashed with his creased orange chinos. Aokiji ended up making a face at the sight of Sanji's matching socks and sandals.

Sanji tossed the shirt aside.

"Has your lamp died? Did you think to replace the bulb?" Aokiji asked with concern.

"No, we're here for…he's here for another bracelet."

Aokiji's eyes seemed to sparkle with delight as he looked to Law, who was holding a pair of linen overalls against his frame, considering that with a mesh hooded shirt. Sanji snatched them both away from him and rehung them with a wild shake of his head.

Hands on his hips, the tall man looked the pair over. "It looks like the previous ones had worked very well."

"I probably ended up throwing mine at someone to ward off dangerous energies," Sanji said, furrowing his brow.

"At this moment in time, will you now consider obsidian?"

"I can do better with tinfoil wrapped around my head."

"I believe in the properties mine had," Law said, hands in his pockets. He was wearing a pair of jeans he hadn't fit into since the last time he'd gained weight, so they still felt new. Despite the hot weather, he wore a light yellow sweater to hide the thinness of his frame. But he still looked impressively improved since the last time he ventured into this shop. "So maybe just a replacement."

"You look well," Aokiji said lightly. "So perhaps it works, but I just received some tourmaline, so perhaps let's work with that. And for you, maybe weed will fit you better."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Har, har."

"We have many different flavors of vape – "

"No, no, I enjoy the taste of cancer."

"Well, it has similar properties – "

"If I wanted a vagina, I could change my sex."

Aokiji stared at him, trying to imagine the man as a woman. Law began looking through the coin dresses and aprons hanging nearby. Sanji frowned up at Aokiji.

"You're imagining it, aren't you?"

"You'd probably make for a very scary woman."

"Enough with the flattery! I have a big enough head as it is!"

"Well, I'm glad you're here," Aokiji said, reaching for a bright yellow coin skirt and unraveling it from the hangar. Like some slow-moving sloth, he wrapped it around Law's hips. "Because it has been some time since I'd last seen you both, and I'd grown concerned that the items I'd recommended weren't working. Now that I see you, I see that I'd made excellent choices. It's important to always change your energies because you as a person constantly evolve, and it's important to encourage that."

Once he tied off the skirt, Law gave an awkward jiggle of his hips so that the coins sounded out.

The female cashier they'd seen last time happened to see this, and she did an answering jiggle of her own hips. "Cool baby making moves, man!" she said, clapping enthusiastically.

Sanji ripped the skirt away from Law. He shoved the material back into Aokiji's hands.

"I think you're in need of howlite," Aokiji said with concern. "It's difficult for you to let go of toxic attachments. Therefore, difficult for you to find joy in life."

"I have plenty of joy, but it seems to evaporate when I'm in here."

"How did the incense work out, by the way?" Aokiji asked as he set the material aside, heading towards the counter.

"I forgot I bought it," Sanji said with a concerned frown. "Maybe it's a good thing I did."

Aokiji rummaged behind the counter for a few things, and laid them out over the glass top. He leaned up against the display while Sanji looked down at the items with a frown. Law immediately picked up the opal carved knife that had some filmy red splotches over the blade.

Aokiji took that back from him. "Sorry, I was looking for that," he apologized, pushing it back into his pants pocket. "I didn't clean it after the last murder."

"It happens," Law said, causing Sanji to look at Aokiji with alarm.

"Don't worry," Aokiji told Sanji. "I only murder for the good of the citizens living here to prevent any strife caused by those warring against your way of life."

"I'm so happy to hear that," Sanji muttered, wondering if he should be concerned.

"Here is the tourmaline," Aokiji then said, holding out the bracelet. "It's guaranteed to purify your negative energies and turn them positive. It will also help block out harmful radiation and environmental pollutants – essential, considering your tv habits. Also, you can attach a charm to it."

"I actually cut down on my viewing habits," Law said, pulling the bracelet from the plastic to fit it on his wrist. It wasn't as loose as the other one – but it still slipped down to his forearm. He was happy to see that, considering that it had taken an extra tie to keep it from slipping all the way down to his elbow. "I'm living life, now."

"It appears you're in a good place, my friend," Aokiji said cheerily.

"Here are the available charms," Aokiji then said, pushing forward a small box of gaudy looking charms.

"And for you," Aokiji boomed, Sanji jumping at the volume of his voice. He picked out a set of multicolored stones, "this is another form of jasper, but it is called unakite. It purges old wounds and bad former attachments while also settles bad habits. You smell like a chimney."

"Awesome. It looks like it goes well with my grandma couch inspired three piece suit," Sanji said sarcastically.

"You'll need a lot of jasper," Aokiji decided, plucking out the green one and handing it to him.

"Sanji, pick out a charm to go with it," Law said encouragingly, fisting the one he'd decided upon.

Sanji was not having that extra step; he snatched the bracelets, shaking his head. He went to pay for them while Aokiji looked after him with some worry. He looked at Law.

"Rocinante tells me you're seeing Marco, now," he said.

Law looked surprised. "How does he know…?"

"Marco is good people."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he knows all this."

"It's good seeing you like this. There's life to your eyes."

"It hasn't been easy."

"Keep up the good work. You should compliment yourself more," Aokiji suggested. "Instead of talking down upon yourself and others, lift yourself up."

"Those things are difficult to say."

"Then practice them. Not on yourself, but others. Eventually, you'll hear yourself saying them to yourself," Aokiji said with a yawn. "It's time for my nap. It was good seeing you. Oh, and Rocinante said he'd be able to visit soon. His ulcer is flaring up so he needs to take leave. Or…so he says…"

"I wasn't aware that he had an ulcer."

"Literally worries himself sick."

Law went and paid for his charm, meeting Sanji near the doors. He pocketed the bracelet Sanji paid for, but held the charm up so the other man could see it.

"It's for your bracelet," he said, handing it over. "Hopefully it helps you recover your love of cooking."

Sanji looked at it. It was a sterling silver dish with fork and knife crossed over it, but the dish had what looked like a skull on it. It seemed more like a curse than a charm, but it had its appeal. He snickered, closing his fingers over it.

"Hopefully it works," he said.

In a moment of daring, Law placed his hand over Sanji's closed fist. Sanji looked at him with surprise.

"I will wait for the day you decide to cook again," Law said, but Sanji was pretty sure he wasn't talking about his cooking. There was a deeper meaning to it. He was quite positive of it. It was all in the intensity of his expression, the warmth of his hands, the feeling he could feel radiating from the man. It made his thoughts stutter a bit, his cheeks warming slightly under the passionate look.

"R-really?" he stammered.

"Yeah." Law then gave him a confused look. "Because my cooking sucks. Why are you blushing?"

Sanji jerked his hand away to recover. "You're doing fine! You're obviously not dying! Don't complain! I don't want to hear any more of this complaining!"

He huffed as he strode off, red-faced.

Law looked at the mannequin poised in the window nearby. Once he saw his reflection, he shook his head with such a shocked look at himself.

"You fucking pussy," he told himself with utter disgust. "You're such a pussy. You are a dumbass coward. Where are your balls? You have none. You have no balls. You are not a man. You – "

"You weirdo, stop talking to that thing and let's go!"

Law glanced at his reflection once more. "We'll continue this later."

: :

It wasn't because of the charm. It wasn't because of the bracelet. Sanji was sure it was because he was able to find a foothold in the broken foundation that was his shattered life and was able to steady himself. But that weekend he was able to decide on a meal and had bought the ingredients for it. It was a basic dish, with slightly more calories in it than the light stuff he had been making for Law's preference. But he poised himself over the counter with tools and food out while the older man napped on the couch.

Sanji pulled the unakite bracelet from his pants pocket, the charm dangling from it heavily. He'd been given gifts – plenty of them from Zoro – and it wasn't that he was some old blushing maiden. A man had thought of him while choosing this gift and it was full of meanings that meant something for both of them. Law chose to remain adamant that it was only his cooking that he hoped Sanji would find again, but Sanji absolutely knew better what this was.

Despite his own thinking, the gift was precious.

Someone had hope for him, and someone was waiting for him. They'd seen his downs, they'd picked him up when he'd been kicked, they'd seen him at his most vulnerable. He was scared, but he felt the first edges of hope, too.

He unwrapped the meat, then picked up the seasoning. He turned on the burner to warm up the oil then began cutting.

: :

In the crowded hospital cafeteria, Law slowly became aware that he was being stared at. It took some considerable effort to pull his attention away from the delicious omelet and accompanying fruit parfait to look up, chewing slowly so that he could appreciate all the seasonings, flavor and general sensation of feeling put into this meal. Once he saw that Penguin and Shachi were just staring at him, he grew self-conscious. He wiped his mouth with his wrist.

"What?" he asked cautiously, tongue running over his teeth.

Penguin made a concentrative effort to focus on his question. "Are…are you…like, I know there's no other way to ask, but are you and your roommate…seeing each other?"

Law gave him a confused expression. "I, uh, see him every day."

"That's not what I meant."

"He meant, are you guys…" Shachi trailed off uncomfortably. "Like, in a relationship?"

"No."

Penguin gave him an uncomfortable look. "I…didn't think it was any of my business, but…it was…surprising seeing you guys at the mall the other day."

"We're just friends, so…"

Penguin and Shachi looked at each other, then gave him impatient looks. "We're friends. We've been friends for, like, ever, and I sure as heck know we don't look at each other the way we saw you guys doing."

"Look at each other how? I mean, to carry a conversation, you have to look at someone," Law said, panic racing through him.

Shachi hit Penguin with the back of his hand to get his attention. Law took another bite of his omelet as the pair of them exchanged a silent agreement. Then, Shachi's face took on a blatant adoring expression while Penguin did the same. Both of them made bashful touches to each other's face and shoulders, Law spitting out his food with a mortified cough.

Penguin hit the table. "Friends don't look at each other that way!"

Shachi mimicked the action. "It would gross me out looking at this guy like he were Megan Fox!"

Penguin looked hurt. "…Hey…!"

Law wiped his mouth then wiped up the mushy contents of his chewed omelet, setting that aside. His face and neck were bright red with mortification. "You've got the wrong idea."

"Yeah, right. Because that's just what dudes do in public," Penguin said, frowning at him. "I know he's gay, but you aren't. When did this happen?"

"You have the wrong idea."

"I just hope you aren't being manipulated or forced into something you don't normally do," Shachi said with concern. "Like…I know it's been awhile since you seen anybody, but…this isn't a good idea."

"I mean, not that it's wrong that you decided to switch teams," Penguin amended gently, "but I don't think having any sort of…closeness with someone who had a really long relationship with another…dude…and having it end badly is going to be of any good. I mean…like, he might have the wrong idea, too. He might be getting the wrong idea if you're being too nice to him, and you might be getting the wrong idea if he's being nice…"

Penguin indicated Law's meal.

"…to you. Both of you might be seeking affection and ideas for all the wrong reasons."

Law fiddled with his napkin at his lap. He felt defensive and irritated, but he could see their point, too. They were his friends, they were always clear-cut with him; they were worry-warts and they had years of standing behind him. They had a right to express their doubts and concerns.

"I hear what you're saying, but you're wrong," he said. "It's for me to decide what's best for me and what I want. You are allowed to express your thoughts and feelings but none of them, at this point, is something I'll listen to."

"We're not trying to cause any shit, Law," Penguin said firmly. "It's just…we're worried. You have a great job, you're good at it, you have a place that doesn't change rent at a wind's change. But you also have a health condition and we have a right to be suspicious of someone that's basically in from the streets and has nowhere else to go."

Shachi cut in. "He was a scary guy when he first came in. I know you were there to see some things – I mean, there was a restraining order involved, he acknowledged breaking into that house to steal a dog, he goes through your things like they're his - !"

Law frowned at both of them. "First off, the shit he was going through was some terrible shit. There were reasons behind all the things he did, but now that he's moved on – "

"And that's the thing that gets me! If it doesn't work out between you two, how is he going to act?" Penguin pointed out. "We're already aware that he has this violent temper, we already know he isn't afraid of the police, we're aware that he has no qualm with breaking and entering – he's already done this to one person. What's he going to do with you? I hate to say it, but you're a vulnerable person."

Law sat uncomfortably. He did not want to feel this way, but his friends, trusted and valued, were expressing their discomfort. They were definitely things to be considered. He could put them at the back of his mind and call Penguin and Shachi worrywarts, but the truth was that they could be right. Common sense told him not to be angry at them, but another part of him wanted to disregard this entire conversation.

"Thank you for telling me what you feel," he said slowly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"I don't want to come off as a dick, Law," Penguin urged gently. "I know I sound like one because…these things are difficult to hear. But…it's important to hear."

"I think," Shachi came in carefully, "that it's great you're feeling happy and everything feels like it's going right for you, but at the same time you've got to keep your head. He's younger than you. He's…healthy. And gay guys, they…I don't know if they're capable of monogamy. They're always – look at the dental clinic! They're always hooking up and breaking up with each other, and what about that Bon Clay dude! Look at him and his – "

"That sort of generalization is rather small minded. I might point out that he was in a relationship for years – "

"Yeah, until he decided to cheat on the dude and he only stopped because he got caught! Plus," Penguin added, finger up, "he was really young when he got married. So he probably doesn't know what it feels like being an individual. He's probably latching onto you because he feels more comfortable and secure being part of a couple, and those types of people will settle for anyone. You – you've been single for most of your life. This part is exciting, but when it's time to settle down – can you see yourself settling down with someone that's just going to cling to you because they don't know how not to be a barnacle?"

Law exhaled through his nose. He couldn't come up with a reply.

After some silence, Penguin's shoulders drooped. "I'm sorry. I know this all sounds negative, but…it's…we're just worried, okay? I know we're not around all the time, but…you're our friend."

"We just want you to be safe," Shachi added softly.

"Thanks," Law said shortly, feeling let down and sad. Mostly because these were his friends – they weren't enemies, they weren't the type to restlessly interfere. They were only looking out for him. He knew he was going to stubbornly ignore their advice, though. It was his own lesson to learn in the end. His own decision. His own choice. If this made him happy, then it didn't make sense for others to talk down on it.

He tried to ignore the strumming of some Blink 182 song playing in the background.

: :

"It took me a long time to say this, but I don't think you should rush into something new," Zoro said, his voice heavy with reluctance. Sanji made an uncomfortable face as he sat down on the bench that happened to overlook the car garage and attached artist lofts a couple of blocks from his apartment. Zoro had called him over a change of Brook's medication, and the subject had shifted rather suddenly.

"Why do you say that?" Sanji mumbled, thinking about the weekend excursion to the mall. He had been feeling butterflies and nervousness thinking about it, recognizing that he was growing attached. He was starting to feel like a teenager all over again; that combination of excitement, hope and romance coming back to him like a slow moving fire. He kept stamping it out with thoughts of reluctance and reasoning, but the smoke eventually kept putting out flames.

"I mean…I saw it before, so…Nami brought it up. I guess she saw you guys at the mall, and…I just don't think it's a good idea."

Sanji was glad he didn't see Nami – he would have left if he had. But he also recognized that Nami, usually loud and nosey, had not approached him. Which still suggested that their mutual friend still had some reservations about him. He felt that awkward, ugly feeling in his gut again that told him that the friends he'd shared with Zoro were still not his friends. He pulled his hair out of his hair tie, fitting it over his wrist. Then lit up a cigarette.

"I mean, not that I have any say in whatever shit you do," Zoro continued, mumbling, "you can do whatever you want, I just don't think it's a good idea because it's you."

"Because I'll ruin someone else's life?" Sanji asked bitterly.

"No – well, that, and…I don't know, you attach too easily to anyone that looks at you nice. And…I don't know what's going on with him, but…whatever it is, it's probably not a good thing to think that you can…like, either cure it, or help it, or whatever, then get the idea that things would last. I mean – I get that we're not a part of each other lives anymore, so it doesn't make sense to say anything, but at the same time, I've known you the longest and this shit is just something you'd do."

"It's not what anyone thinks," Sanji mumbled. "Whatever they see, it's not what they think. I would know, I'm there, right? So…"

"I'm just saying. I'm not the only one that sees it. And I think you shouldn't do it because…"

Sanji heard Zoro exhale noisily, like this was too troubling to get out at all. And it probably was – but the fact that Zoro was saying anything at all spoke volumes of the level they were finally at. Sanji could still hear the anger and reluctance in his voice; he could still see disappointment and anger in Zoro's face when they saw each other; he could still feel anger in the other man when they met. So the fact that Zoro would even share this with him despite that anger – maybe it was something that Sanji should listen to.

"Not only would you ruin their life," Zoro added bitterly, "but you'll ruin yours, too. Where are you going to go when it doesn't work out? That's his place, right? It wouldn't be appropriate if…I let you come back, so…you need to think about these things before you actually do them."

Sanji thought that was sound advice. It was something he could reasonably think about.

"This thing should only be temporary until…you figure shit out for sure," Zoro muttered. "Because…you're only rushing into something from something you haven't even fixed."

"I think the thing I rushed out from is considered fixed," Sanji couldn't help but point out snidely.

"You know what I mean!"

"I know what you mean, but - ! It's not what you think. It's not what anybody thinks! He's my – my friend, my roommate, and, yeah, he's got some things going on with him, but he's doing so much better, and both of us just need to get out and do shit without feeling like pariahs, and - !"

"I don't care what you do, Sanji! I don't care who you do it with! I don't care about you, I'm just saying! I know you, and you're just taking up something that you think is going to fill a hole and it's not going to end right because you're not all right! That's all I'm saying!"

Exhaling harshly, Sanji pulled his cigarette away to say, "So, after all that I did, are you saying that I'm not allowed to move on and find something to finally make me happy?"

He heard a grit of teeth from the other end. Then a derisive snort. "Do whatever makes you happy. Even if it fucks someone else's life up. I don't care."

Hearing the dial tone moments later, Sanji hung up. He sat at the park bench and wondered when it was appropriate to start "breaking laws". Once a villain, always a villain, he supposed.

When he arrived home, he realized that Law had come back early. His overnight bag was sitting in the middle of the hall, so he used a foot to push it aside. He worried that the older man was sick or troubled, and quickly set out to his room to check on him. He opened the door and stopped short, seeing the man sprawled out on his bed, facing the window. He had such a gloomy look to his face that Sanji felt better despite it.

"Bad day at the office?" he asked, relaxing against the doorframe.

Law was quiet for a few moments before his eyes found Sanji's in the reflection of the window. He ended up pushing himself up to look back at him.

"Food poisoning at the restaurant?" he asked instead, noting the gloomy look in the younger man's face.

Sanji shrugged in response. Neither of them could talk about it.

But how the air seemed to shift and change between them.

Law patted the bed. "Want to mope with me?"

Sanji considered the offer, then nodded. "I'd love to."

"It always feels better when there's someone more miserable than you to wallow in these feelings with," Law said, giving him room to sprawl. Sanji pulled off his shoes and dropped down onto the other side, exhaling noisily. He couldn't describe how happy and peaceful he felt with being in the same room as the other man; how smelling his sheets made him feel excited and nervous; how knowing that he could just be there without the pressure of speaking or doing anything made him feel at ease.

He rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling as Law resumed staring out the window. Both of them lost themselves to their thoughts, Bepo scratching at the glass walls of his tank in an effort to get out. Sanji couldn't hear any crickets. But he thought about Zoro's warning while Law thought about his friends, and each of them were more aware of each other than ever.

Sanji took a deep breath. "Once a villain, always a villain."

Law turned his head to look at him. "I'm a vulnerable, fragile person."

Sanji thought that Law was a fragile person in body, but not in spirit or mind. So it was amusing. He couldn't stop his smile from showing. "Then it works out, doesn't it?"

"In the Netflix way of things, I guess it's a good balance for entertainment," Law agreed with a light shrug.

"It's a good pairing."

"It's a great pairing."

"Not everyone has to like it."

"Who cares what people think if you just like it?"

"It's not like they're the ones actually…in it. They can change the channel."

"Or make their own."

"Right."

Both of them looked at each other, surprised to know that they were experiencing the same things. It was both exciting and scary to realize that both of them were on the same wavelength, having experienced the same thing that happened to trouble them. But neither of them were bold enough to make that first move. Both of them were scared for individual reasons.

Sanji exhaled shakily while Law drummed up the courage needed to say or do something. But his heart was racing wildly, almost out of control – painfully. He was scared, but this was his chance. There was an opening in the wall they'd built between them.

I'm going to ruin this, Sanji thought heavily. I'm going to fuck it up.

I'm not going to do this right, Law thought in a panic. I'm not worth it.

After a hard swallow, Law reached out with one shaking hand to touch Sanji's shoulder. It was pretty brave of him to do so, so Sanji ended up turning to face him. His expression was quite detailed for Law to know that he was tense but eager for this contact. He reached up to cover the other man's hand with his own, his own palms sweaty with nervousness.

Because he knew Law had a certain degree of courage before he immediately stepped back, Sanji pulled his hand to his mouth. He pressed gentle kisses to the moist palm and fingers, glad he could do so. Finally touching the man out of passion and not as something platonic gave him a shiver of sensation. Every part of him was nervous, anxious for a reaction – wondering if it would be reciprocated.

It was enough encouragement for Law to use – he shifted forward to kiss Sanji, and both of them froze at the contact. It was warm and clumsy and new, but it felt good. Once the contact was made, it felt like the wall they'd built came down. All new sensations, feelings and thoughts seemed to spark and ignite, bodies relaxing from earlier tension. The startling sizzle of connection was almost too scary to acknowledge – like electricity that had been building for some time, finally released at a touch.

Their kisses were gentle and slow at first, then turned warm and fast, insistent. Hands grabbed at hair and shirt collars, breathing growing labored. Both of them looked at each other to see if the other felt the same way, and each of them acknowledged the similar need in the other's face. Mouths opened and tongues explored, chests rising and falling with excitement. Sanji pulled Law over him, his body eager for more contact. Law managed to separate his fingers from Sanji's hair, moving over the fast moving flutter at his throat down to his chest, brushing against his nipple. Both of them had eager hands that wanted to explore, tensions rising as nothing else mattered.

But then a sound grew too obvious to ignore.

Both of them tensed, then startled at the sound of the locks shifting from the front door. Still in a haze, both of them listened as the door opened. Because neither of them could fathom who the hell could be walking in at this important time, both of them were frozen in place.

"Hellooooo? Hey, sorry, I still have this spare key, and – I brought dinner! …Hello? Law?"

Law rolled off Sanji like a fire had been lit at his heels. Sanji quickly sat up and covered himself as his flesh lit with a fiery flush – not that he was naked in any way, but it was obvious he was enjoying where things had been going. Then it became apparent that in the midst of their actions, the bed squeaked loudly enough under their frantic movements for footsteps to venture their way. Not even thinking, Sanji rolled off the other side of the bed to hide while Law hissed a curse and slammed the door shut.

A huge resounding clang of sound told them he'd, literally, shut the door against someone's head.

"OW!"

"SORRY! I'm – getting dressed!" Law exclaimed airlessly, wondering how he could possibly hide his damn boner from Rocinante's prying eyes. Sanji rolled underneath the bed, slapping his forehead with his palm – he wondered how to explain himself out of this one, this awkward situation that had to be obvious to Law's adoptive father.

Law looked pretty frantic, crouching awkwardly to hiss, "Sneak to your room!" before getting up and straightening his clothes. Then he left the room, coaxing what sounded like a very tall man towards the living room. Sanji did his best to sneak back to his own room without being detected, softly shutting his door behind him.