Chapter 4
I lay there in Koz's arms just thinking. I feel him place another kiss to the top of my head and I pull away. Moving to get out of the bed, Koz stops me. "Talk to me." he says. "I can't handle this Koz. I can't get my head right." I tell him. He gets out of bed and walks over to me and says "I know. I get it. But I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here for you." he tells me. I look at him and ask "How do I get back?" as the tears start to fall. He cups my face and says "I don't know babe. But we'll figure it out." he says.
I head into the office to clock in and Gemma is there. "How are you sweetheart?" she asks. "I'm okay I think. Or I will be." I tell her. Koz walks in and clocks in and kisses the top of my head before saying "I'll be in the garage if you need me pretty girl." I nod and he walks out the door. "What was that about?" Gemma asks. "He's barely left my side. Helping me talk through shit and holding me while I cry. He's been really good to me." I tell her. "He cares about you." she tells me. "I know but Gemma, I can't…" I start but cut myself off when the tears fall. Gemma walks over and pulls me into a hug and asks "What can't you do baby?" I pull away from her and wipe the tears before saying "I like Koz, God, I really like him. That was what the majority of my fights with Jason were about. He knew I was falling for Koz but, Gemma, I can't get past this shit. I want to. I want to get past it and tell Koz how I feel but it's not fair to him. Hell, he sleeps next to me most nights and it feels normal but I can't do this to him. I don't know what to do." I tell her. "Baby, tell Koz how you feel. You two will figure it out." she tells me and I just nod.
After work, I walk to my car and Koz follows me. "I'll be by shortly. Gotta run an errand." he tells me. "Okay. When you get there, I need to talk to you." I tell him. "Okay. Be safe pretty girl." He kisses my cheek before heading to his bike. I get in the car and the tears fall before I make it off the lot. I walk into the house and get a shower and when I walk back to the living room, there's a knock on the door. Looking through the peephole, I see Koz standing there holding dinner. I open the door and he walks in. Seeing my eyes red and puffy, he knows that I've been crying. Putting dinner on the coffee table, he pulls me close and just holds me. Pulling me down to the couch, I'm in his lap and he rubs my back and says "I've got you baby. It's okay." When I get myself together, I move out of his lap and say "Sorry." I wipe the tears from my cheeks. "Don't do that. I told you I'm here." he tells me. I look at him and tell him "There's something I need to talk to you about." I tell him. "I was outside the office when you were talking to Gemma. I know baby." he tells me. "What do we do?" I ask. He pulls me back into his lap and kisses me softly and say "We take things a day at a time. You'll get back to your old self. Back to the Grace we all know and love." he tells me. I look at him and kiss him softly. "Thank you Koz." I say.
Later that evening, Koz and I head to bed. I lay with my back to him like I normally do and he puts his arm around me and pulls me close. Whispering in my ear, he says "Goodnight my pretty girl." He snuggle closer and say "Goodnight Kozi." I feel his fingers rubbing me hip as I fall asleep.
Waking up the next morning, I am snuggled into Koz's chest. I go to move and he pulls me closer. I look up at him and he opens his eyes and we just look at each other. I lean up and kiss him softly. He deepens the kiss and I don't stop him. When we come up for air, I say "I need to take this slow Koz." He kisses me again softly before saying "Anything you need baby. But you're my girl." he says. I smiles softly and say "I can handle that."
We walk into the office to clock in and it's Friday. "Morning baby." Gemma says. "Morning Gemma." I say. Koz clocks in and kisses my lips softly and says "I'll be out here if you need me." I smile softly and say "Okay baby." before he walks out to the garage to get to work. "Things look better on that front." she says. "Yeah. We talked and we're together but taking it a day at a time." I tell her. "That's good baby." she says. At lunch, I sit at the picnic table next to Koz and he kisses my temple before handing me my food. I look at him and ask "You wanna crash here tonight? I thought we could hang out here tonight." I say. "That's fine babe. We can crash in my dorm." he tells me and I smile softly.
That night, we are sitting at the bar and Happy walks over to us and is talking to Koz. Jax walks over to me and asks "Can we talk?" I kiss Koz's cheek and follow Jax out to the picnic table. "How have you been?" he asks. "I'm better Jax. Really I am. Koz has been amazing." I tell him. "You like him. A lot, Jax." I tell him. "I can tell." he says. "Jax, he stayed beside me through all of that shit. You know, most of our fights were about Koz. Jason knew I was falling for him." I tell Jax. "So you're serious about Koz?" he asks. "Yeah. I am." I say. He kisses my cheek and says "I'm happy for you."
We walk back into the clubhouse and I immediately go to Koz. As soon as I walk up, he pulls me close and I kiss him softly. "You okay?" he asks. "Yeah baby. I am." I say. I kiss him again and I deepen the kiss this time. I whisper against his lips "Take me to bed Koz." He smiles against my lips before kissing me again and picks me up and carries me to his dorm with everyone cheering behind us.
Walking into the dorm, he locks the door and lays me down on the bed. Hovering over me, he kisses me softly and says "We don't have to." I smile and say "You're the only thing making me feel normal. I want you Koz. I need you." I tell him. He kisses me deeply before we start shedding clothes in between kisses. He enters me slowly and slowly makes love to me. I reach release after release before he reaches his inside me. Dropping his head to my shoulder, I kiss his temple and say "Thank you." He looks at me and says "You're my girl. I'd do anything for you." he says. "I'm yours Koz. All yours." I tell him before kissing him softly and for the first time in what seems like forever, I feel like I'm going to be okay.